1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,337 -CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -(bells jingling) 2 00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,214 Ho, ho, ho! 3 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:09,467 Welcome to the Montgomery Burns Prize rewarding 4 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:12,887 {\an8}"excellence" in the field of alternative energy. 5 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,890 {\an8}Local inventors are vying for a million-dollar stipend 6 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,642 {\an8}donated by C. Montgomery Burns 7 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:18,977 {\an8}as part of a court settlement 8 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:22,147 {\an8}for causing one billion dollars of environmental damage. 9 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,816 {\an8}Shoo. Go have one of your enormous litters. 10 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:27,318 {\an8}(growls, screeches) 11 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,279 {\an8}First inventor, you, bus driver, 12 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,364 {\an8}give us the gist of your terrible idea. 13 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,117 {\an8}Well, I've harnessed the ancient power of slavery 14 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,745 {\an8}to run the school bus of tomorrow. 15 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,914 (kids groaning) 16 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,082 {\an8}(groans, sighs) 17 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,959 {\an8}Whose boy is this? 18 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,377 {\an8}I'll take him home. 19 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,087 {\an8}You'll take his place. 20 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,756 {\an8}Ah! 21 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,299 {\an8}I would like to present 22 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,509 {\an8}my Kwik-E-Smart perpetual energy machine. 23 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,137 {\an8}Three years ago, I tripped over the cord, 24 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,514 {\an8}but the hotdogs, they kept rolling. 25 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,267 {\an8}Some say they're powered by decaying nitrates, 26 00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:02,687 {\an8}others by tiny insects beneath the hot dog skins. 27 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,105 {\an8}(wry laugh) 28 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,107 {\an8}Hard to believe I once turned down a job in Tampa, Florida, 29 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,942 {\an8}because I believed in this city. 30 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,528 {\an8}That was 15 years ago. They wouldn't take you now. 31 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,739 {\an8}Is anyone here an actual scientist? 32 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,741 {\an8}Uh, yes, I have, on occasion, 33 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,701 {\an8}dabbled in the scientific arts. 34 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,621 {\an8}Frink Labs, a division of Allied Frink, 35 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,164 {\an8}the Good-Glavin people, 36 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:25,001 {\an8}are proud to present the Frinkasonic MHV. 37 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,712 {\an8}And what, pray tell, is MHV? 38 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,965 {\an8}Oh, yes, it's the Moyvin-Hoyvin Vehicle. 39 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,176 {\an8}This non-magnetic babe magnet 40 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}is powered entirely by, you guessed it, 41 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,055 {\an8}(quietly) sound waves. 42 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,808 {\an8}-(crowd murmuring) -(engine starts) 43 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,271 {\an8}Ah, yes, you see? Your quite appropriate oohs and ahs 44 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,273 {\an8}are propelling me forward. It's wonderful. 45 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,150 {\an8}(gasping, murmuring excitedly) 46 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,403 {\an8}That's slightly more enthusiasm than I had anticipated. 47 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:56,574 {\an8}For the love of God, step on the brakes! 48 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,409 {\an8}The brakes are powered by silence. 49 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,328 {\an8}(people yelling) 50 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,664 {\an8}(Willie yelling) 51 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:05,333 {\an8}Look out because of the zooming. 52 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,923 Why is it ejecting? It's just a normal seat...! 53 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,761 {\an8}(gasping, shouting) 54 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,639 {\an8}ALL: No! 55 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:21,432 {\an8}I'm okay. 56 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,351 {\an8}I'll just go live with my son. 57 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:25,228 {\an8}ALL: No! 58 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,814 {\an8}Hurry up. 59 00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,941 {\an8}I want to get Grampa back here by 3:00, 60 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:32,902 {\an8}so we can get him and Maggie on the same nap schedule. 61 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,237 {\an8}I've labeled all his boxes. 62 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,530 {\an8}(laughs) 63 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:38,575 {\an8}Well, I can't pick up something this heavy without my lifting belt. 64 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,660 {\an8}(sudden shout) Ow! 65 00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:42,787 {\an8}You know you can't lift your lifting belt 66 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,039 {\an8}without wearing your belt-lifting-belt. 67 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:48,835 {\an8}Oh, no. I won't be able to help you pack up Grampa. 68 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,044 {\an8}Fine. 69 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,213 {\an8}Just stay here and hold down the fort. 70 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,715 {\an8}Hold down the fort? 71 00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:55,216 {\an8}With my bad back? 72 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,260 {\an8}(groans) 73 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,139 (chuckles) 74 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,850 Man, that keyboard-playing cat is so cute. 75 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,853 (playing jazzy tune) 76 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,229 "Villageville"?! 77 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:11,900 "Build your own authentic medieval village." 78 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,027 I must have something better to do. 79 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,614 And ca-lick. 80 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,866 (fanfare plays) 81 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,452 Finally, a woodcutter that will do what I tell him. 82 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,495 (humming happily) 83 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:25,788 Holy moley! 84 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,291 He's already made a clearing. 85 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,043 Let's go for a glade. 86 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,464 (chopping and bell dinging repeatedly) 87 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,090 (chuckles) 88 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,300 Just call me DeForest Kelley. 89 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,302 I gotta write that down and send it to Conan. 90 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:42,096 Oh, move this here-- tap. 91 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,392 Mill, mill. Barn, silo. 92 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,561 Tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern... 93 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,063 Brothel. 94 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,397 Parsonage. 95 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,274 A Theater in the Round. 96 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,276 And... 97 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,986 hay pile. 98 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,363 (panting) 99 00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,572 "And the Lord saw 100 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,324 what He had made, 101 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,368 and it was good." 102 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,994 (groans) 103 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,663 VILLAGERS (over speaker): Ew. 104 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,039 Yeah, that's right, 105 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,166 your Lord sticks his hand in his pants. 106 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:14,045 And yes, it is the same hand I tapped you with. 107 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,672 (bell dings) 108 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,220 Well, if I've learned anything, 109 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:25,306 it's that you can't have too much iron ore. 110 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:28,559 Maybe one of your tavern wenches can do the laundry. 111 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,853 (shrieks) You're back. 112 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,647 Did you spend this whole time 113 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:35,066 doing fake chores in a fake village? 114 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:38,027 -It's real to them. -(groans) 115 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,113 Um, where's Santa's Little Helper? 116 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,531 I don't know. The backyard? 117 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,533 The backyard? But what if he got out 118 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,536 through your half-completed tunnel to Flanders's fridge? 119 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,372 I don't see him anywhere. 120 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,541 You jackass. You lost our dog! 121 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,459 Oh, my God. 122 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,712 I forgot to feed my jackass. 123 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,674 (bellowing) Hank-hew. 124 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,759 (bellowing) You're welcome. 125 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,349 Santa's Little Helper! 126 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,437 Santa's Little Helper! 127 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,771 I love that dog, 128 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,190 but that is one long, stupid name. 129 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,362 (both groaning) 130 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,032 {\an8}(meows) 131 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,953 -What the hell? -Oh, right. 132 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,875 The animal shelter hasn't had any greyhounds turned in. 133 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:37,420 Just a dachshund, a chow, and a pregnant raccoon. 134 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,756 A lot of good backups. How pregnant is the raccoon? 135 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,090 We don't want a raccoon. 136 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,300 Good, Marge. 137 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,468 Get their price down. 138 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,845 Dad, I just noticed something. 139 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,930 You're not upset enough about this. 140 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,932 Hey, Lisa's right. 141 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,019 You're the only one who hasn't cried about the dog. 142 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:56,522 -Not a crier. -What? You cry all the time. 143 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:59,192 You cried when they canceled that show you hated. 144 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,194 Goofing on it made me feel wise. 145 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,529 (whimpering) 146 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,656 -Where is that coming from? -From the kitchen. 147 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,787 -He's alive! -And he didn't pee on the floor. 148 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,081 For me, that's a perfect day. 149 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,708 (everyone talking at once) 150 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,419 Dad, why'd you shut our dog in a cabinet? 151 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,712 I'll answer that. 152 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,547 Your father's an "Idjit." 153 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,133 I believe the word is "idiote." 154 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,552 How did Santa's Little Helper get in there? 155 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,347 (gasps) I know what must have happened. 156 00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,725 I'm going to get a snack, 157 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,978 but first, should I introduce the black plague? 158 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,522 Mm... what could be the harm? 159 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:38,773 (man screaming over speaker) 160 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:41,192 Whoa, now I've got to buy a corpse wagon. 161 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,485 Well, that's how they get you. 162 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,739 Hmm... Ooh! 163 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,410 {\an8}It's amazing how many things they can make taste like cheese. 164 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:53,204 Oh, yeah, baby, I'm drinking you down to your knees. 165 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:54,580 (sniffing) 166 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,165 ♪ Gonna drink ammonia ♪ 167 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,000 ♪ 'Cause it tastes like cheese ♪ 168 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,086 ♪ I wonder what will happen... ♪ 169 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,966 A minstrel has composed a roundelay mocking me? 170 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,385 -Torture, torture, torture. -(people screaming) 171 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:10,680 Well, it's time we showed this dog some love. 172 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,348 (all speak soothingly) 173 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,350 Attaboy. 174 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,519 Hey Homer, how come you're not hugging the dog? 175 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,688 He knows I love him, and he loves me. 176 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,189 (growling) 177 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,859 That's short for "Rrright you are." 178 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,570 I don't think you even like Santa's Little Helper. 179 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:29,031 You never take him for walks or sleep with him in your arms. 180 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,452 And I suspect you've been chewing on his treats. 181 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,455 How are they his treats if I paid for them? 182 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,874 Okay, okay. I'll be nicer to the dude. 183 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,042 I've just never really been a dog person. 184 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,711 Really? What about Bongo? 185 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,588 Bongo?! 186 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,090 I told you never to ever talk about Bongo. 187 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,634 (sobbing) 188 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,804 Ever! 189 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,806 What just happened? Who's Bongo? 190 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,893 Bongo was Homer's dog when he was a boy. 191 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,561 HOMER: He's still my dog! 192 00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,813 We got him years ago. 193 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,607 HOMER: I don't know what you just said, but it's wrong! 194 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:03,900 Wrong, wrong, wrong. 195 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,819 (sighs) I was working long hours 196 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:10,072 at the Springfield Smokestack Factory. 197 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,827 Oh, I was so tired when I got home. 198 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:18,331 Then little Homer would start crying and crying, 199 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,459 but Bongo knew just what to do. 200 00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,420 -(howling) -(crying stops) 201 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,755 (snoring) 202 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,509 Now, my dear, we can watch Mannix as a couple. 203 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,845 Unfortunately, like all true stories, 204 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,515 this one has a crappy ending. 205 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,600 You have a story with an ending? 206 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,561 Uh-huh. All my stories have endings now. 207 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,314 They're putting something in my Jell-O down at the home. 208 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:45,900 Anyway, Homer and that dog 209 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:49,487 went together like Christmas and suicidal thoughts. 210 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,782 ♪ Me and my Arrow ♪ 211 00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:57,703 ♪ Straighter than narrow ♪ 212 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,291 ♪ Wherever we go ♪ 213 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,877 ♪ Everyone knows ♪ 214 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,755 ♪ It's me and my Arrow ♪ 215 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,423 (tires screech) 216 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,719 ♪ Me and my Arrow ♪ 217 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,557 ♪ Taking the high road... ♪ 218 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,808 (alarm sounding) 219 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,563 ♪ Wherever we go ♪ 220 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,148 ♪ Everyone knows ♪ 221 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,985 ♪ It's me and my Arrow... ♪ 222 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,570 Aww. 223 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:35,366 (stammers, gasps) I had no clue. 224 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,703 Then came the fateful day 225 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,663 when Mr. Burns was lobbying 226 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:43,791 for the go-ahead on his nuclear plant, 227 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,003 and he was giving away 228 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:50,631 stuffed Isotoads to all the children. 229 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,384 Have a toy. Don't thwart my ambition. 230 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,136 Look, they even talk. 231 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,055 ELECTRONIC VOICE: Cancer clusters are random occurrences. 232 00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,140 Creepy. 233 00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,474 You can have mine, Bongo. 234 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,644 Those toys are people bribes, you good-hearted little brat. 235 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,814 -(growling) -Ugh! He bit me! 236 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,482 -(growling) -Get him out of here, son. 237 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,900 Now. 238 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,988 Mr. Burns, I'm awfully sorry. 239 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:15,698 Oh, I'll be all right. 240 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,075 Once I hold your dying pet in my arms 241 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,660 and feel his wagging tail go stiff. 242 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,580 Uh, sir, you are aware you're at a PR event for children. 243 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,082 (chuckles) 244 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,751 Bring in the clown. 245 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:27,918 Hey-hey! 246 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,837 (laughs) 247 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,506 So, Lady Godiva gets a haircut, 248 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,342 right, and... kids?! 249 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:37,094 Uh, no problem. I'll just cut to my clean material. 250 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,138 (muttering) 251 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,931 Farmer's daughter, no. 252 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,184 A man from Nantucket, no. 253 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:44,727 Bring out the monkey! 254 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,606 (laughing) 255 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,984 Next time I'm getting a smaller monkey. 256 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,570 Ow! Gow! Ooh! 257 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,238 Oh! Gah! All right! 258 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,495 So Mr. Burns wanted to kill Homer's dog. 259 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:03,913 Homer had no idea. 260 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,332 He was so innocent and chubby. 261 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,501 Course now, he's just stupid and fat. 262 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:10,419 -Focus. -Huh? Oh, right. 263 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,004 Little Homer didn't know it, 264 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,882 but Burns had unleashed the local dogcatcher 265 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,967 to bring Bongo in. 266 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,928 (sirens wailing) 267 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,471 ♪ Little Homer had a dog ♪ 268 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,598 ♪ And Bongo was his name-o ♪ 269 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,600 ♪ B-O-On-On-Go ♪ 270 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,976 ♪ B-O-On-On-Go... ♪ 271 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,978 -(tires screech) -Get in quick. 272 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,939 GRAMPA: This was before the day of safety seats 273 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,817 and coming to a complete stop to let your child get in. 274 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:41,575 {\an8}When God closes a door, he opens a gun shop. 275 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,952 Wait. 276 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,620 How could you know what Herman said? 277 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,414 You were driving away. 278 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,165 -He wrote a memoir. -Oh. 279 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,377 Uh-oh. 280 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,837 Huh. 281 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,171 Oh. 282 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,756 Anyway... 283 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:56,924 (siren blaring) 284 00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,801 Son, I've got an idea. 285 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,761 A hole next to the seat to hold my cup? 286 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,263 That's a stupid idea. 287 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:04,181 Holding cups are what thighs are for. 288 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,599 Now hang on tight. 289 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,562 (sniffing, panting, barking) 290 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:11,981 (inhales) Mmm! 291 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,482 Smell them sausages, Lou. 292 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,484 Are you sure the Big Brother Program 293 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,278 couldn't find me anybody else? 294 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,613 Yeah, well, you were my last pick, too, okay? 295 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:22,783 Tipping, aah! 296 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,285 (barking) 297 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:27,246 Oh, I'm a washout as a dogcatcher. 298 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,539 What do I do now? 299 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:30,791 Well, my dream is to be police chief. 300 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,627 Oh, no, you can't 'cause, um, that's my dream. I'm gonna be chief of police. 301 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,671 Well, then I'll be a spokesman for my people, 302 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,548 like Ralph Abernathy. 303 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:39,967 Ralph, I like that name. 304 00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:45,055 Man, this story is filling in a lot of gaps. 305 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:48,684 But I want to know about Dad and his broken heart. 306 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,853 Your father lost a lot in his life-- 307 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,521 his hair, his mother, 308 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,524 more games of Monopoly than any man ought. 309 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,987 He'd go to jail and stay there 'cause he loves the easy life, 310 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,697 but I think losing that dog 311 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,492 was the toughest blow of all. 312 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,660 HOMER: Where are we going, Daddy? 313 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,704 Remember our old neighbor, Miss Viola? 314 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,831 Well, she moved to the country, where there was no limit 315 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,584 on how many pets one single lady could own. 316 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,044 Miss Viola? 317 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,754 Isn't she cuckoo? 318 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:20,049 Now, son, a lot of people are cuckoo 319 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,009 till you need something from them. 320 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,471 I knew that Bongo would have a good home there 321 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,515 and Burns would never find him. 322 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,099 Gosh, Miss Viola, 323 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,851 I want you and your husband to know 324 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,770 how much I appreciate this. 325 00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:34,939 (both groan) 326 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,941 Well, let's get this dog in. 327 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,859 -(whimpers) -Come on. 328 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:42,947 Son, uh, why don't you give him your sweatshirt 329 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,490 so he'll remember you. 330 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,700 Okay. 331 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,245 How long till we come back and get him? 332 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,580 I had to tell my boy 333 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,416 we were giving away his dog for good. 334 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,752 I wasn't sure if a six-year-old 335 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,838 could even understand the concept. 336 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,339 What? No. 337 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,966 No! No! 338 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,509 Bongo! 339 00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:05,135 (wailing) 340 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,680 Turns out, he caught on pretty quick. 341 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,520 Your father was devastated. 342 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:17,940 -(crying) -(scoffs) Women and their crying. 343 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,317 (sobbing) Finish the damn story. 344 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,945 I've got a hockey game tonight. 345 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,949 When I finally got back to the house... 346 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,368 Simpson, release your hound. 347 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:32,454 He's already gone where you'll never get him. 348 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,623 I'm a powerful man, Simpson. 349 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,792 I can walk into McDonalds, order soup, 350 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:37,960 and they'll make it. 351 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,336 Go on. Get. 352 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,298 I got a bug zapper, and I ain't afraid to use it. 353 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,508 Is that sugar water I smell? 354 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,968 -(electrical zapping) -(groans) 355 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,971 Well, I'm afraid I already told my dogs 356 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,639 they could tear yours apart. 357 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,142 Don't make me look into those pitiless black eyes and say, 358 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,562 "Daddy didn't bring you a friend-friend to rip-rip!" 359 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:57,855 Where's Bongo? 360 00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,356 Is he still at the crazy lady's... 361 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,774 Back to sleep, son. 362 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:01,901 (chuckles) 363 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,779 (groans, snores) 364 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,448 Oh, listen, 365 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,491 I can think of something you'd enjoy 366 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,285 more than killing a dog. 367 00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:12,786 Dropping a horse on a church? 368 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,664 No! Breaking a man's spirit. 369 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,041 Mine. 370 00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,959 Well, I guess I could always 371 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,920 drop a horse on a church afterward. 372 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,087 Fine. 373 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:25,341 I had to take care of his hounds for a year. 374 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,844 I tried to wear a bite-proof suit, 375 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,723 but those satanic Snoopys always found their way in. 376 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,933 (growling) 377 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,018 (groaning) 378 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,897 I'm not done with you. 379 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:44,068 I insist you never wear shoes or a proper necktie again. 380 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,444 Just house slippers 381 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,072 and the most humiliating tie there is: 382 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,740 bolo. 383 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,825 (gasps) 384 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,827 But the hardest part 385 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,830 was that my son was so angry with me. 386 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,624 How was school today? 387 00:15:58,707 --> 00:15:59,875 Ketchup, please. 388 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,878 You're probably wondering how I got rabies. 389 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,171 -Well... -I'm not hungry anymore. 390 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,632 Our relationship never recovered, 391 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:10,177 and no amount of ignoring the problem could ever fix it. 392 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,637 (sobbing) 393 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,848 Grampa, why is the saddest story you ever told 394 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,059 the only one that's ever made sense? 395 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,269 (scoffs) Doesn't make sense to me. 396 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:23,107 I happen to remember it just a little differently. 397 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,858 Well, tell us your version. 398 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:28,904 Now granted, I was just a kid, but I say... 399 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,490 Grampa always hated Bongo 400 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:33,367 and loved money so he sold Bongo 401 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,453 to a wicked farm witch just so he could hang out 402 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,206 with a bunch of rich dogs, and kidnapped Santa 403 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:42,292 so I'd never get the toy I actually wanted. 404 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,920 And then... then wha... 405 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,588 and then what happened... was... 406 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,966 (stammers) 407 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,719 Gee, my story doesn't make much sense, 408 00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:53,303 except the Santa part. 409 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,972 Yeah, but at least it was short. 410 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,890 Wait. Wait. 411 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,935 There's one part of the story even Grampa didn't know about. 412 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,063 A few months later, I went to rescue Bongo. 413 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,280 (coughing) 414 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:14,283 Hendrix, come here, boy. 415 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,201 (barking) 416 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:19,204 But there was one thing I wasn't prepared for. 417 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,539 Bongo was... 418 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,292 happy without me. 419 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,754 He had become her dog. 420 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,797 Oh, Homie. 421 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,299 I'm so sorry. 422 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,384 Well, that's just the way dogs are. 423 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,429 The most disloyal, unfaithful creatures God ever made. 424 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,515 Homer, maybe you should take a look at this. 425 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:42,186 A Christmas card I got from Miss Viola years later. 426 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,857 HOMER: He still had my sweatshirt. 427 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:49,151 Bongo didn't forget you. 428 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,320 Unlike those gerbils of yours we gave away. 429 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,822 Oh, they were fickle as hell. 430 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,532 Oh, my God, Dad. 431 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,951 I owe you an apology. 432 00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:01,038 You saved Bongo. 433 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:03,874 I never understood that till now. 434 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,626 (sobbing) All these years I thought 435 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,712 you loved that dog more than me. 436 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:12,549 (sobbing) Why would you think that? 437 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:16,804 Just because I put you in a home where they feed you dog food? 438 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,807 Aw, give me a hug, son. 439 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:22,726 Okay, but I'm a little out of practice. 440 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,230 Hold your arms like you're carrying a wedding cake. 441 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,232 -What flavor? -It doesn't matter. 442 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,651 If it doesn't matter, then I call Snickers. 443 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,654 -That's not a flavor. -Everything's a flavor 444 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,072 in the kitchens of today. 445 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,698 Just hug already. 446 00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:42,788 Homie? Huh? 447 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,541 (snoring) 448 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,459 Come on, boy, time to go to bed. 449 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,294 My dog. 450 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,005 All right, Homer, it's your moment. 451 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,382 But he's mine tomorrow. 452 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,175 (both snoring) 453 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,886 ♪ Me and my Arrow ♪ 454 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,225 ♪ Straighter than narrow ♪ 455 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,896 ♪ Wherever we go ♪ 456 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:13,152 ♪ Everyone knows it's me and my Arrow ♪ 457 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,200 More tea, sir? 458 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,244 No. Any word from Karl Rove? 459 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,037 Sir, despite what he's been telling you, it's over. 460 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,706 -Romney lost. -Damn it. 461 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:29,126 I guess it's time I explain to these good people 462 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,461 the upcoming fiscal cliff. 463 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,801 Think of the economy as a car and the rich man as the driver. 464 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,262 If you don't give the driver all the money, 465 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,471 he'll drive you over a cliff. 466 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,474 It's just common sense. 467 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,101 Furthermore, rich people feel things 468 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,061 more deeply than the common man. 469 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:51,398 {\an8}(screaming, sobbing) 470 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,942 And we've got to change our approach to immigration. 471 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,778 I have a progressive proposal to let into this country 472 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,239 200 grimy Irishmen a year. 473 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,450 I've got lots of potatoes that need peeling 474 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,285 and stables to be mucked out. 475 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,953 Sir, the insta-polls are in. 476 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,663 You're just digging yourself deeper. 477 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,040 Well, then let me just say this. 478 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,792 Marco Rubio... (speaking Spanish) 479 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,920 I'm afraid you just made things even worse. 480 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,129 How? Why? 481 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,256 You just said Marco Rubio is a pink handkerchief. 482 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,884 This public service announcement is over. 483 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,177 (glass breaks) 484 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,054 BURNS: Execute the cameraman. 485 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,137 Shh! 486 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay