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{\an8}-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
-(cans rattling)
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(exclaiming)
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(school bell ringing)
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(Barney belches)
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(gunfire)
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(tires screeching)
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{\an8}-(horn honking)
-(Grampa shouts)
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D'oh!
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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{\an8}ANNOUNCER: In a world, in a hemisphere,
in a continent, in a country,
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in a state, in a city, in a neighborhood,
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in a street, in a house, in a living room,
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five heroes would be called.
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♪♪
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To tackle the most dangerous
quest of their lives.
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Let's sit on that couch.
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♪♪
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They're in.
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(all sigh)
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(narrator reading)
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And in retrospect,
city officials regret holding
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the gang truce negotiations
at Santa's Village.
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In other news, we're about to go live
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to Mr. Burns' announcement
of his annual rate hike.
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Springfielders are about
to find out how much
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their electricity bills will go up.
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I'm being told that Mr. Burns
is approaching the lectern now.
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Apparently there are a few stairs
he's struggling to climb.
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He's up the stairs but is now
being buffeted by the breeze.
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And they've put
some rocks in his pocket and...
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we're ready to go.
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{\an8}To decide how much your
electricity bills will rise,
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{\an8}I've assembled a team
of distinguished economists
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{\an8}and placed plausible rate hike
percentages on their backs.
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{\an8}Now we will use unfettered
free market principles
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{\an8}to arrive at a number.
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{\an8}Release the hounds.
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{\an8}(growling)
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{\an8}(shouting)
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{\an8}Notice how the Keynesians climb trees
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{\an8}while the Austrian school economists
hide under rocks.
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{\an8}That is fascinating.
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{\an8}-(grunting)
-(dogs snarling)
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{\an8}(screaming)
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{\an8}And there you have it, folks,
rates will rise
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{\an8}a healthy 17%.
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{\an8}And now, to help you disperse...
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{\an8}Let me guess, you're going
to release the hounds again.
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{\an8}(chuckling) Oh, don't be silly.
Release the radioactive steam.
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{\an8}(screaming)
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{\an8}Electricity costs are going up 17%.
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{\an8}(laughing) This station can't afford that.
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{\an8}We're barely keeping
the lights on as it is.
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{\an8}KRUSTY: I know it's a kids' show,
but I got to see you topless.
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{\an8}This isn't your dressing room.
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{\an8}I know, but the monkey's got a girl
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{\an8}in my dressing room.
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{\an8}The decision to pull the plug
is never easy,
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{\an8}but with electricity so expensive now...
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{\an8}Do I get a vote?
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{\an8}That's just air escaping his lungs.
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{\an8}Oh, I guess we'll be peeling
our shrimp by hand this year.
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{\an8}We can keep the shrimp
de-veiner, though, right?
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{\an8}I'm afraid not.
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{\an8}And this goes, too.
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HOMER: Good riddance.
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{\an8}When I found out
shrimp cocktails had no alcohol,
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{\an8}I really lost interest.
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{\an8}Children, we can no longer afford
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{\an8}to use anything electric.
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{\an8}However, we will still be able
to watch today's film,
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{\an8}thanks to the magic of potato power.
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{\an8}Ha!
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NARRATOR: "Sometimes Y"--
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the story of a vowel
that goes both ways.
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(losing power)
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{\an8}Emergency meeting in the
faculty lounge. BYOB.
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{\an8}Well, class, I don't mind leaving you,
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{\an8}because one of you is my spy.
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{\an8}You said you weren't going to tell.
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{\an8}Oh, wait, you didn't.
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{\an8}So no one knows who the Milhouse is.
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{\an8}The school is broke.
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{\an8}-I had to sell all the trombone mutes.
-(wah-wah)
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{\an8}-Why did I sell one to Nelson?
-(wah-wah)
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{\an8}Hmm. Sounds better than
half the kids in the band.
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{\an8}So does a leaf blower.
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{\an8}Look, the district can't afford
to keep every school open,
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{\an8}so all the kids will take
a standardized test.
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And whichever school scores the lowest
will be closed forever.
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So you're saying,
if our kids don't pass this test,
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you're shutting down
Springfield Elementary?
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I don't teach to the test.
I teach 'em to dodge balls.
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Things they can use in life.
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How is that useful? Ow.
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We all came here to avoid scrutiny.
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Who else would hire a lunch lady
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accused of poisoning her husband?
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Never convicted.
They couldn't find the body.
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Anyone care for some chicken-Pete pie?
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Did you say "chicken-Pete pie"?
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His friends called him Pete.
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Good-bye, my electrical friends.
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I can't afford to use you,
so I'm doing what any good
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American would do:
throw you away.
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(gasps) A parking meter!
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(gasps) And it still works.
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This could come in handy.
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Ah, ah, ah, but let me check
that list of things
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Marge said never to bring home.
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Dogs, cats, octopuses,
octopi, octopuseseseses.
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Parking meter, you're working for me now.
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Mannequin heads,
you're working for me now.
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Lot of people at the dump today.
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The proctors are here.
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Their leader seems to be a woman.
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Catalog poses.
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(Halloween theme
by John Carpenter playing)
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(sighs) When will they finish
grading those tests?
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I hate waiting; that's why I hate risotto.
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Even mushroom risotto?
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What do you think?!
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So... (chuckles nervously)
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...how'd we do?
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Not as bad as the worst school
in the state.
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Oh, thank God.
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You did worse than the
worst school in the state,
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which now makes this school
the worst school in the state.
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Why did you say that to us
in the meanest way you could?
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To show you that there's no way out.
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-Except...
-Except what?
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No, I meant you should
accept your terrible fate.
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Oh.
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This place is worse
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than the elementary school in prison.
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This student filled in everything
but the ovals.
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In art school he'd be a genius.
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This isn't an art school.
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We tried to have ourselves
accredited as one,
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but no one here could,
uh, draw the pirate.
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Children, Groundskeeper Willie
will direct you
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to your new school district.
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Any correlation to your talents,
needs, or friends
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is completely coincidental.
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Sherri, you're going to West Ogdenville.
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Terri, North Haverbrook.
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But we've never been separated.
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I'm not sure we can even live apart.
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Stop your whinging.
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It's not like you're losing
a rake or a backhoe.
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Nelson, you're off to
Arkham Elementary School
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for the Criminally Insane.
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(whistling)
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Well, I'm glad you're not upset.
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All my extra credit points are like
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00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,460
frequent flyer miles
on a bankrupt airline.
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Hey, don't blame me.
I didn't even take the test.
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You didn't?
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Is there no limit to your disrespect?
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Eh, I had something better to do.
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}Driving you crazy instead
of pulling off your legs.
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{\an8}I've really matured.
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Wait a minute.
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If you take the test now,
your score could raise
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00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:37,410
the average and save the school.
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Proctor Clarkson, one student
still hasn't taken the test.
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-(gasping)
-Let it be Martin, let it be Martin.
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-It's Bart.
-(all groaning)
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I have an aunt named Hope.
Perhaps you'd like to kill her as well.
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Bart will take his exam
first thing tomorrow morning.
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00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,723
Bart, I'm begging you to try and study.
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When I think begging,
I don't imagine someone standing up.
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Sorry, I can't grant a favor
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to someone
I don't respect anymore.
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You can spin in my chair!
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Whee!
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Spinner! Slow down.
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(chuckles)
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00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,497
Well, sure the Lord wouldn't
have placed his meter there
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00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,207
if he didn't want me to park.
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This is the easiest money I've ever made.
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Lugging around a 90-pound parking meter.
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It's not that kind.
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00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:48,773
All right, now to drag
the meter to the next idiot.
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Oh, God, my back.
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(laughing) Suckers.
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Oh, my disks are grinding.
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00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,450
(laughing)
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Easy money. (grunting)
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00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,996
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes ♪
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00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:08,125
♪ Turn and face
the strange ch-ch-changes ♪
198
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,212
♪ Don't wanna be a richer man ♪
199
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:13,547
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes ♪
200
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:17,593
♪ Turn and face
the strange ch-ch-changes ♪
201
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,597
♪ It's gonna have to be a different man ♪
202
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,057
(laughing)
203
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,267
Thanks for the freedom of speech, dorks.
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00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,436
(whistling)
205
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,355
Uh, we're cool, right, boy?
206
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,524
Nothing a few George Washingtons
won't solve.
207
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,360
(chuckles, grunts)
208
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:38,197
Now, to sleep the sleep of the just.
209
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,198
(sighs)
210
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,629
Godspeed, old chum.
211
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,257
Pass the test
and your lunch money is yours.
212
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,968
I'm a kid you've never seen,
and I speak for all
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00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,428
the kids you've never seen.
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00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,348
Do it, man, or you'll never see us again.
215
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,937
Principal Skinner, could you help me
sharpen this pencil?
216
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,523
I guess a little circular
grinding might relax me.
217
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:15,609
I can't do this. I'm not ready.
218
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,027
You really didn't study?
219
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,988
Well, I slept on my books,
220
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:20,698
so I might have gotten
something through osmosis.
221
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,700
So, you know what osmosis is?
222
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,535
Uh, pajamas?
223
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,912
Let me make this crystal
clear to you, Simpson.
224
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,539
If you don't pass this test,
225
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:30,624
it will destroy the school.
226
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,090
(laughing)
227
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,515
Our entire school riding on that
coffee can head of yours.
228
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,559
We've got to get you
more time to study.
229
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,478
But how?
230
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,354
Pull the fire alarm.
231
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,064
I'd do it, but everyone's looking at me.
232
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:01,155
What to do, what to do?
233
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,656
Don't do it, Seymour.
234
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,700
You've never broken school rules. Ever.
235
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,118
You wimp.
236
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:09,079
(alarm ringing)
237
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:13,751
Children, remain calm,
find your disaster buddy,
238
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,377
which is different from your lab partner
239
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,546
but may be the same
as your lunchroom buddy.
240
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,256
BART: Well, well, well...
241
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,928
Looks like Mr. Vanilla
just grew some chocolate chips.
242
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:27,598
Save your analogies for the
analogy portion of the exam.
243
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:30,184
I bought you time, boy. Don't blow it.
244
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,437
I won't. I'm going to ignore everything
else on my schedule.
245
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,441
{\an8}Pass this test and the eggs are on me.
246
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:40,361
They will be, Seymour. They will be.
247
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:44,615
(laughing)
248
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,617
I'm king of the bus station.
249
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,538
Meter, meter, quarter cheater?
250
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,207
A rogue parking meter has been
terrorizing the streets.
251
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,669
Experts estimate the cost
to taxpayers at north of $50.
252
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:57,920
That's right, Kent.
253
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,839
The entire force is on
the lookout for anyone
254
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,132
with an excessive amount of change.
255
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,177
Our top criminologists have a theory
256
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,721
as to what the suspect
just might look like.
257
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,932
But, of course,
that question mark could be
258
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,517
an exclamation point or an interrobang.
259
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,603
And the man or woman could be Hispanic or,
260
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:19,149
most frightening,
contain no punctuation at all.
261
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,818
(whimpers)
262
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,703
So, how's the studying going?
263
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:32,037
When I start I'll tell you.
264
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,208
This is the most selfish thing
you've ever done.
265
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,919
You're letting your friends
go hang because you
266
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:42,631
are lazy and selfish and, hey,
are you falling asleep
267
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,966
just to spite me?
268
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,559
Hey, why aren't you eating that?
269
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,811
There's four of us and eight slices.
270
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,730
We don't know how to divide it.
271
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:01,817
Something Stu forgot the music he loves.
272
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,988
Mrs. Krabappel?
Are you a teacher of the night?
273
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,948
Ha, I wish I was a hooker.
274
00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,658
No one in this town has any money.
275
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,411
But the worst thing is what's
happened to the school.
276
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,330
No, no!
277
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,749
(all grumbling)
278
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,962
(groans) What have I done?
279
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,883
Spinach farm, huh?
280
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,760
That's right, you talk in your sleep.
281
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,471
Lisa, I want to pass that test.
282
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:31,931
But I need your help.
283
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,016
I have all sorts of problems:
284
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,851
Lack of attention, I'm afraid of ovals,
285
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,603
I only know 24 letters.
286
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,438
Don't you fall asleep on me.
287
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,818
Excuse me, you're that proctor
288
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,446
that's shutting down my children's school.
289
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,031
I don't shut anything down.
290
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,908
People cut their own heads,
291
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,534
and I just tip 'em into the basket.
292
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:56,372
You've been in public education
a long time, haven't you?
293
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,801
(grunting)
294
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,472
Freeze, Jack Nickel-scum.
295
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,057
Wha...?
296
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,977
You know what they do
to parking meter thieves in prison?
297
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,979
They probably treat 'em pretty well.
298
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:23,023
But when you get out,
you're not eligible for jury duty.
299
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,984
Which, again, sounds pretty good.
300
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,821
Eat silver, copper.
301
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:29,905
D'oh!
302
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,198
(tires screeching)
303
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,246
Stay with me, man. Stay with me.
304
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,209
No, no!
305
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:45,963
You're the first successful
business I've ever run.
306
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,049
It's hopeless.
307
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,301
I can't make up for ten years
of goofing off in one day.
308
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,970
I need two days.
309
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:56,056
Look, the thing is,
it's more important to know
310
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,308
how to take a test
than knowing what's on it.
311
00:16:58,392 --> 00:16:59,977
So do the ones you know first.
312
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,271
If you don't know one,
guess "B" and move on.
313
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,566
Now, what is the capital of Massachusetts?
314
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,693
Uh, "B"?
315
00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,028
Very good.
316
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,409
(ticking)
317
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:19,121
BART: Okay, this is it. Do or die.
318
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,539
D'oh. Will you stop that?
319
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,875
(tapping)
320
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,212
Burly Paper Towels, Burlyville, Minnesota.
321
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,048
Dear Sir or Madam:
322
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:33,093
Your paper towel packets
promised 102 sheets of towels.
323
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:36,096
But I was blessed to receive 103.
324
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,098
I'm returning the extra towel, unused...
325
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,476
-(jingling)
-Hmm?
326
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,562
A pillow case full of quarters?
327
00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,522
Where did you get that money?
328
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,399
And what have you done with the pillows?
329
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,069
The pillows are safe at my workstation.
330
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,695
As for the quarters, well,
331
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,323
I'm ashamed to tell you what I did.
332
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,116
How long have you been in there?
333
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,914
Well, we're going to turn this change
334
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:04,166
-into change for the better.
-Whoo-hoo!
335
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,627
And I wish that Mr. Teeny gets a banana,
336
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,922
that the Isotopes emerge from this season
with a great blooper reel.
337
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,381
I wish that wishing wells worked
338
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,134
so I wasn't tossing my money away,
339
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,637
and that Marge loves me forever
340
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,223
no matter what stupid things I do.
341
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,142
(grunts)
342
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,602
(splash)
343
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:27,189
And I hope Bart passes his test
and saves the school.
344
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,817
Way to get us back on topic, Marge.
345
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,534
If you have to guess, guess "B."
346
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,247
-Not every question!
-(groans)
347
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:47,000
The second that boy fails,
we're knocking down this school.
348
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,710
Please have a little faith.
349
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,170
I hear you, Seymour.
350
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,922
Start the upswing!
351
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,012
The least common blood type is A) B,
352
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:01,598
B) A, C) AB,
353
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:04,268
-D) O... D'oh!
-Ten more seconds.
354
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,406
(buzzer)
355
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,119
And the last answer, "C"...
356
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:26,039
is correct.
357
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:29,042
Congratulations, you made it by one.
358
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,003
{\an8}That'll do, bug, that'll do.
359
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:33,922
{\an8}(Superman theme
by John Williams playing)
360
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,886
-He passed.
-Stop that ball!
361
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,307
Now your mom can see you
work from her house.
362
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,475
Seymour, stop slouching!
363
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:56,695
I'm not sure if you gave
my son any extra help,
364
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,072
but if you did, thank you.
365
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,034
Perhaps this was a test of my humanity.
366
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,828
A test I like to think I passed.
367
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,999
Would you like to have coffee
or dinner, or just talk?
368
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:12,085
None of the above.
369
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,670
Testward ho!
370
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,473
(wind blowing)
371
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,766
(growls)
372
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,228
Is this Wilson Elementary?
373
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,021
-No.
-Sorry.
374
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:24,157
Shh!
375
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay