1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,172
-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
-Yee-haw!
2
00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:11,594
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,269
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,564
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,274
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,859
(yells)
7
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:31,990
(beeping)
8
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,788
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:52,969
(gunfire)
10
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,012
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:58,767 --> 00:00:59,934
-(horn honking)
-(Grampa shouts)
12
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,148
D'oh!
13
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,232
(tires screeching)
14
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,901
(grunts)
15
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,155
♪♪
16
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:42,477
(groans)
17
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,154
(cawing)
18
00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:03,039
Ew.
19
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,965
{\an8}(classical music playing)
20
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,181
{\an8}BART: Dad, what are you watching?
21
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,183
{\an8}I think it's a Terrence Malick movie.
22
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,269
{\an8}No, you're watching Baby Poindexter,
23
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,604
{\an8}the most educational DVD available
24
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,439
{\an8}at the checkout aisle
at the grocery store.
25
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,192
{\an8}Finally, a kid's show that isn't
trying to sell you something.
26
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,277
{\an8}Which reminds me,
27
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,154
{\an8}we need to order more rectangles.
28
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,285
{\an8}FEMALE NARRATOR: Friends.
29
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,953
{\an8}(bells jingling)
30
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,538
{\an8}Friends.
31
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:47,292
{\an8}Colleagues.
32
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,837
{\an8}(gasps) Don't watch that DVD.
33
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,964
{\an8}I threw that away because studies show
34
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:55,049
{\an8}it doesn't do any good.
35
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,468
{\an8}Look at me.
36
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,513
{\an8}Maybe instead of watching TV
with the kids,
37
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,140
{\an8}you could take them outside.
38
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,558
{\an8}What are you doing?
39
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:08,938
{\an8}This so-called educational DVD
may have even stunted
40
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,357
{\an8}the development of the kids
who watched it.
41
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,068
{\an8}Wait a minute.
Didn't Bart and I both watch this thing
42
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,320
{\an8}when we were little?
43
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,155
{\an8}I'm afraid so.
44
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,157
{\an8}Well, the obvious question is,
45
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,952
{\an8}why did I turn out
so academically superior
46
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,245
{\an8}while Bart...
47
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,874
{\an8}While Bart turned out
so wonderful in his own way.
48
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,834
{\an8}That's the way people talk about Ralph.
49
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,587
{\an8}Ralph, whose favorite color
is peanut butter.
50
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,756
{\an8}I wish I knew what happened.
51
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,259
{\an8}(horn honking)
52
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,938
{\an8}(imitates honking horn)
53
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,775
{\an8}But now that I know better,
54
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:56,152
{\an8}no DVDs for you kids.
55
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,446
{\an8}Just educational television.
56
00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:01,449
NARRATOR:
We return to Ice-Road Hand-Fishing.
57
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,202
{\an8}This has been our way of life
since we were pitched
58
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:07,163
{\an8}the idea by reality show producers.
59
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,254
{\an8}Welcome to Thieving-Bear Chopper-Hunt.
60
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,048
{\an8}-Okay, no TV at all.
-ALL: What?
61
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,300
{\an8}Honey, this sounds
like a noble experiment,
62
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,637
{\an8}but like Prohibition,
it will end in a hail of bullets.
63
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,848
{\an8}Fine. No TV for 24 hours.
64
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,350
{\an8}24 hours?
65
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,643
{\an8}Where'd you pull that crazy number?
66
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:31,312
{\an8}We can do without TV for a day.
67
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,815
{\an8}We're taking Maggie
to a children's book store,
68
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,817
{\an8}where she can learn the old-fashioned way.
69
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:39,570
{\an8}The way children did from 1910 to 2002.
70
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,368
{\an8}(grunting)
71
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,911
{\an8}Homer, a little help?
72
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,080
{\an8}I'm on it.
73
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,634
{\an8}Hmm. Hmm.
74
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,680
{\an8}If I buy you,
why do I need all these books?
75
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,849
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
76
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:11,394
{\an8}Instead of watching TV,
we can read children's books
77
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,688
{\an8}written by TV stars.
78
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,030
{\an8}Who's Milli Vanilli?
79
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,991
{\an8}I don't know, kid. I didn't write this.
80
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,200
{\an8}No refunds.
81
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:30,079
{\an8}Look, Maggie, they have a story lady.
82
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,081
{\an8}One day, Silly Sally said,
83
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,043
{\an8}"Let's have a sloppy, gloppy supper."
84
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,420
{\an8}First, they slurped their soup.
85
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:41,215
{\an8}Slurp, slurp, slurp.
86
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,259
{\an8}Then they chewed their bread.
87
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,596
{\an8}Chew, chew, chew.
88
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,014
{\an8}More soup?
89
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:51,309
{\an8}Oh, I could slurp this soup forever.
90
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,603
{\an8}Slurp, slurp...
91
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,563
{\an8}Sorry, folks, she doesn't even work here.
92
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:56,898
{\an8}(grunting)
93
00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,902
HOMER: "Spot the hidden objects."
94
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:03,821
{\an8}Boy, you're pretty pushy
for a book I just met.
95
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:06,657
{\an8}Gotcha.
96
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,076
{\an8}(laughing)
97
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,119
{\an8}Candy cane in the umbrella stand:
98
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,288
{\an8}oldest trick in the book.
99
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,082
{\an8}Okay, let's see.
100
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,084
{\an8}Ah, ah. (mutters)
101
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,252
{\an8}Have you seen Lisa and Maggie?
102
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,463
{\an8}If they're not a trumpet
or a rolling pin, then no.
103
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,131
{\an8}Yip!
104
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,133
{\an8}Homie, help me find them.
105
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,261
{\an8}Okay, now to see if I can
apply my book knowledge
106
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,513
{\an8}to the real world.
107
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,523
Got them.
108
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,943
Wow, no TV for 24 hours?
109
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,569
I couldn't get through a day without
110
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:46,030
Doctors Oz, Phil and Gupta.
111
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,323
You're right. I'm bored.
112
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,117
-Epoxy fight!
-(groans)
113
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,744
What the hell is an epoxy fight?
114
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,956
Oh.
115
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,582
Don't worry, I'll clean it up.
116
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,459
Get me some whip cream
and a safety scissors.
117
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,296
Don't worry, all I need
is a cigarette lighter
118
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,548
and some sandpaper.
119
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,800
(sanding)
120
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:08,302
All right, let's just use a razor.
121
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,472
(gasps)
122
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,890
Oh, my God.
123
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,517
You look just like your dad.
124
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,104
Let's see how far we can take this.
125
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,106
And finally the tie.
126
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:23,860
I always wanted to wear a necktie.
Mom says they make you more...
127
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,486
(in Kirk's voice) ...of a man.
128
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,071
Now sing the alphabet song.
129
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,450
(voice alternating with each letter)
♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G ♪
130
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,077
♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O... ♪
131
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,581
What if we Van Houten to the max?
132
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:39,333
(in Duffman's voice)
Whoa, that's a little too tight. Oh, yeah.
133
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,002
Nah, back to the sweet spot.
134
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,503
Milhouse,
135
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:46,340
if people believe you're a grown-up,
we can do anything.
136
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,427
(in Kirk's voice) Like we go to a movie
theater and pay full price?
137
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,096
That would be awesome!
138
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,556
Okay, first, tone it down.
139
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,433
Time to teach you to be a man.
140
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,768
What, now I'm not pulling it off?
141
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,104
("Here Comes Your Man" by Pixies playing)
142
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,356
♪ Here comes your man ♪
143
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,902
♪ Here comes your man ♪
144
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,407
♪ Here comes your man ♪
145
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,285
♪ Here comes
your man ♪
146
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:20,374
And put the gas bill on auto-pay.
147
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,709
Nice.
148
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:23,377
Time for your final test.
149
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,589
(Homer grunting)
150
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,383
(computer chiming)
151
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,384
Oh, great.
152
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:33,054
Another invasive Skype from Mil... Huh?
153
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,473
Hello, Lisa. This is my daddy.
154
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,433
I mean, um, Kirk Van Houten.
155
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,976
May I speak to your father, please?
156
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,978
He's right here.
157
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,439
Homer, Bart would like to spend
the night at our house,
158
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,399
and he has my permission.
159
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,485
Sure. What do I care?
160
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,570
-Not so fast!
-Huh?
161
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,990
I also want to say that
Bart is a remarkable boy,
162
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,784
and I disapprove of your fathering
163
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,411
and of your fat stomach.
164
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,914
Oh, well, uh... sorry.
165
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:03,209
Give him anything he wants--
bigger allowance, a new bike--
166
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:04,418
just do it.
167
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,795
Whatever you say, sir.
168
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,422
Dad, why are you kowtowing
to Mr. Van Houten?
169
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:12,093
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have a man take charge.
170
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:16,013
And in ten years, make Lisa
go to the prom with Milhouse.
171
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,974
Dad.
172
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,643
Grown-ups have their reasons.
173
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:21,852
(aggravated groan)
174
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,397
{\an8}Now, I want you to eat
a gallon of ice cream
175
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,940
{\an8}in under two minutes.
176
00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,650
{\an8}But I just did that.
177
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,278
{\an8}You now have one minute, 55 seconds.
178
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,701
(Bart and Milhouse laugh)
179
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:40,621
I'm going to like being an adult. (laughs)
180
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,623
(groaning)
181
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,881
Now you're the same height as your dad.
182
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,719
(in normal voice)
I can reach the poisons now,
183
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,722
each with an inviting skull
and crossbones.
184
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:01,058
Kirk, you're wearing
that shirt I bought you.
185
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,643
I thought you didn't like it.
186
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,478
(in Kirk's voice)
I love when you buy me clothes.
187
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,314
You know what's itchy and what's not.
188
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,649
Oh, Kirk Evelyn Van Houten.
189
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,068
(humming happily)
190
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,695
(in regular voice)
I wish my dad
191
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,489
could have been here
to see my parents kiss.
192
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,991
Now, did you get Kirk's license?
193
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,702
-Uh-huh.
-Ay, caramba!
194
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,954
I rented a truck.
195
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,457
I'm driving a truck.
196
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,834
I crashed a truck.
197
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,337
I rented another truck.
198
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:36,010
Hey, Simpson, don't you have
a lame dad of your own?
199
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,179
(in Kirk's voice)
Uh, I-I'd give you all my money,
200
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:39,930
but my wallet is Velcroed too tight.
201
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,350
You're the wussiest adult I've ever seen.
202
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,518
An adult-- he's buying it.
203
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,192
Kirk, remember,
204
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,944
you have the superpowers
of a middle-aged man.
205
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,616
Hello, Mr. Kirk.
206
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,204
I want to buy this beer, uh, cigarettes,
207
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:06,624
magazines with boobs
and three pairs of sunglasses.
208
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,292
Polarized.
209
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,212
I suspect you are buying
for underage bullies,
210
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:13,798
but as that is 98% of my business,
211
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,800
I say, "Thank you, sir. Come again."
212
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,885
Yo, Bart.
213
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,303
Your grown-man friend is all right.
214
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,430
We should start threatening more adults.
215
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,100
Wouldn't that make us
criminals instead of bullies?
216
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,560
Let's beat up a philosopher
until he gives us the answer.
217
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,729
-Oh, good idea.
-Yeah, I'm in.
218
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,564
I made my mom happy
219
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,358
and got through the
bullies without a punch.
220
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,944
Being an adult is super easy.
221
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,154
Hmm, hmm... hmm.
222
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,909
-(pops)
-(chuckles)
223
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,244
You dope.
224
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,079
It says those are for her pleasure.
225
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,540
Now it's time for me to live my fantasy
226
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,375
with mature themes.
227
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,961
I'll go behind that curtain a boy
228
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,213
but come out a man.
229
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:59,135
Hmm, more money for schools.
230
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,470
That could translate into more homework.
231
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,930
I know this is highly illegal,
232
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,266
but you're not leaving
this booth till you punch yes.
233
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:06,934
Don't bother screaming for help.
234
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,812
This is a municipal off-cycle election.
235
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,981
There's no one for miles.
236
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,400
(wolf howling)
237
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,740
Don't forget your sticker.
238
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,492
(evil chuckling)
239
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,120
Uh, hey, bartender.
240
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,164
We'd like two milks,
241
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,958
and then you can tell us
where babies come from.
242
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,376
Oh, well, in my case,
243
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,462
my mom was hit with a voodoo curse.
244
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,505
I gestated for five years,
245
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,383
then I popped out backwards and on fire.
246
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,719
-Really?
-Oh, yeah, keep my tail
247
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,637
-right here in this jar.
-(both gasp)
248
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,556
Good times.
249
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,518
Mom, I think Maggie misses TV.
250
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,149
You know, Mom, I was thinking
251
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,734
we could take Maggie downtown.
252
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:59,695
The Jazz Hole is featuring
a Dizzy Gillespie tribute band.
253
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,282
(gasps) Their trumpeter
has the puffiest cheeks.
254
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:04,742
I don't think so.
255
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,285
The U.S. Embassy has warned people
256
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:08,871
not to go to downtown Springfield.
257
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,539
I get it. Middle child,
258
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,374
never do what I want.
259
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,376
Hmm.
260
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,338
Okay, I also know of a puppet show.
261
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,638
Long before the Teutonic slaughters
262
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,765
visited upon our people,
263
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,934
there was the massacre by Mstislov
264
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,728
of Kiev in 1132.
265
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:33,854
(screaming)
266
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,523
Maybe we should go.
267
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,108
Nobody leave till every puppet dead.
268
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,779
Bart, you wanted to show me something?
269
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,406
Just one sec. Nelson gave me
some notes on a prank I'm doing.
270
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,580
Now, I asked you here because
I know a cool grown-up
271
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,666
who will take you to that club
in the city.
272
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,167
Really? Who?
273
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,671
(in Kirk's voice)
Hello, Lisa.
274
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,047
Milhouse?
275
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,800
Milhouse? Who's Milhouse?
276
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,677
I mean, he-he's my son.
277
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:05,928
Well, Milhouse,
278
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,138
you might get past the bouncer
at the jazz club,
279
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,516
because they're in no position
to turn anyone away,
280
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,768
but it doesn't matter,
'cause we can't pay
281
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,770
for the gas
and the cover fee anyway.
282
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,023
Au contraire, starfish hair.
283
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,984
The Baby Poindexter Company
is being forced to pay
284
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,652
a settlement to any parent
285
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,737
who had enough misguided love
to buy their videos.
286
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,615
They're not gonna write a check
to a couple of kids.
287
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,743
Then I will be your guys' dad.
288
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,787
(screams)
289
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,248
Thanks, but lowering your voice
and standing on paint cans
290
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:38,168
doesn't make you man enough to be my dad.
291
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,629
HOMER: Marge, can I get a subscription
to Highlights magazine?
292
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,214
MARGE:
Homer, that's for children.
293
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:43,841
HOMER:
Where does it say that?
294
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,718
MARGE:
Read the rest of the title.
295
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,470
HOMER:
Highlightsfor... d'oh!
296
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,226
(Homer humming)
297
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,644
Oh, dang it.
298
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,979
I lost my other earring.
299
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,397
Leave it to me.
300
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,322
-Earring.
-Oh.
301
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,033
-Thimble from Monopoly game.
-Wondered where that was.
302
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,410
-$25 casino chip.
-Oh.
303
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:14,246
-The smallest nesting doll.
-Oh.
304
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,041
Can you find anything
you like in this bed?
305
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,627
Just my honey pie.
306
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,754
Want to split it while we snuggle?
307
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,589
Mm-hmm.
308
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,507
(Homer chewing loudly)
309
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,134
MARGE:
Now what are you doing?
310
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,552
HOMER:
Licking the wrapper.
311
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,513
There you go, one adult
312
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,390
and two children one-way downtown.
313
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:37,227
Um, as adults, what do we do now?
Shake hands?
314
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,647
If you like.
315
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,316
And that's how you do it. (chuckles)
316
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,569
Now, remember, I can't sit backwards
317
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,779
or I get sick.
318
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,906
Well, if I look at your face, I get sick.
319
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,575
Young man, apologize to your sister.
320
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,160
Make me, baldy.
321
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,620
Why, you little...
322
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,164
(grunting)
323
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,625
(in normal voice)
My adulthood!
324
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,502
(grunting)
325
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,630
I never thought I'd say this,
326
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,758
but that is conduct
unbecoming of a bus station.
327
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,930
Where'd your babies go?
328
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:18,268
Your intellect-deadening DVDs
turned my brother's brain to jelly.
329
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:21,021
Pretty shapes tell me to kill everybody.
330
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,943
Looks like you're entitled
to the full rebate of $19.95.
331
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,029
That's all you pay
for screwing up a child for life?
332
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,407
(in Kirk's voice)
Kids, let me handle this.
333
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,618
Uh, we'd like it in singles
and nickels, please.
334
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,620
Terrific. Just need your signature.
335
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,289
-In cursive?
-"X" is fine.
336
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,208
In cursive?
337
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,294
Oh, it's just enough to get home.
338
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,171
I'm hungry now.
339
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,257
Hey, I'm walking on paint cans all day.
340
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,758
Give me a break.
341
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,511
Guys, look, free breakfast
342
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:53,971
if we sit through a sales pitch.
343
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,598
Just remember, Milhouse,
do not buy the condo.
344
00:16:56,682 --> 00:17:00,102
But what if we can't afford
not to buy it?
345
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,815
Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
346
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:07,985
Homer, Bart said the kids were
going to the Van Houtens',
347
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:10,904
but Luann just told me
they're supposed to be here.
348
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,156
They've disappeared.
349
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:13,699
We'll get those kids back.
350
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:17,578
Because we just bought them new shoes.
351
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,747
Waldo, Waldo.
352
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,046
Do you think Lisa went to that jazz club
353
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,464
I wouldn't take her to?
354
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,340
How many kids will jazz corrupt?
355
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,260
(tires squealing)
356
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:37,014
...lap pool and fully-equipped gym
with eucalyptus towels.
357
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,390
Now, let me give you
358
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,018
the 14 different apartment configurations.
359
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,394
The hacienda,
360
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:43,645
the urban oasis,
361
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,105
castle in the sky,
362
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,940
Connecticut sunset...
363
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,026
Lady, my stomach's full,
and I want to go.
364
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,903
That's how it works in this country.
365
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,446
-(beeps)
-If you try to leave,
366
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,864
you'll find the doors are locked.
367
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:56,075
Well, before our dad signs any contracts,
368
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,660
he has a surprise for you.
369
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,955
Oh, I hope it's that he's single.
370
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,249
(laughs) I'm single.
371
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,626
Though, some days,
372
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,920
I have a girl buddy on field trips.
373
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,631
You're a bit of a freak.
374
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:12,132
I like that.
375
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,010
(giggling)
376
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,845
You're the adult.
377
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,307
-(grunts)
-(lock clicks)
378
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:25,229
LISA: Kirk, don't you have
something to tell her?
379
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,314
Just looking for a casual hookup?
380
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,150
Yeah, for my Thomas the Tank Engines.
381
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,237
Ooh, I love how I don't exactly understand
382
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,613
what you're saying.
383
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:37,366
Homie, do you see anything?
384
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,284
No. I'm sorry.
385
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,370
It's... Wait a minute.
386
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,421
When I said you needed a software update,
387
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,257
it was not a criticism.
388
00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:59,429
We found what we're looking for.
389
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,722
The kids?
390
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,599
Sure, they could be here.
Who knows?
391
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,018
(tires squealing)
392
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,687
Ooh, I love how your arms
393
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,189
are too short and thin for your legs.
394
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,108
Just like a crocodile.
395
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,651
(in Duffman's voice)
I'm feeling a strange,
396
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:15,529
refreshing brew of emotions.
Oh, yeah.
397
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,739
-(grunts)
-Milhouse?
398
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,241
(in normal voice)
How'd you know it was me?
399
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,994
The top of your head has a 5:00 shadow.
400
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:25,080
(gasp) Your hair is growing back.
401
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,373
Tell me your secret.
402
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,292
He's ten years old.
403
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:29,918
Oh, there's always a catch.
404
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,337
Is anyone here going to buy a condo?
405
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:36,341
It's gonna be yes, but don't rush me.
406
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,677
And worst of all, you cast my vote.
407
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,930
Who did you vote for
in the nonpartisan judicial election?
408
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,348
Williamson.
409
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,892
No, no, no.
410
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,186
I'm really sorry, Dad,
411
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,188
but I have to say,
412
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,356
it was pretty cool having your life.
413
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,441
You mean that?
414
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,151
I'd be happy to wind up
415
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,360
just like you.
416
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,987
I hope you remember that
417
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,780
when I can't pay for your college.
418
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,533
Now, how would you like to go
to your own parent-teacher interview
419
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,035
while I see a movie?
420
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,828
I'd like that.
421
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,415
Son, promise you will never look like me.
422
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:09,708
I sure hope not.
423
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,376
Why, you little...
424
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,213
That's not a heart-warming
thing to end on!
425
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:23,055
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
426
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,184
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
427
00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:30,896
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
428
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:36,652
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
429
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:40,656
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
430
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,116
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
431
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,371
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
432
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:52,834
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
433
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:56,880
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
434
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,758
{\an8}♪ Here comes your man ♪
435
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,137
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
436
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay