1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,552 {\an8}Hmm. I can't believe you're reading 3 00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,138 {\an8}when there's so much great stuff on TV. 4 00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:15,181 {\an8}Hmm, you're right. 5 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:18,893 {\an8}It is the golden age of well-written, brilliantly-acted TV shows. 6 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,730 {\an8}(scoffs) Writing is for bathroom walls, 7 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,149 {\an8}and acting is for getting out of DUIs. 8 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:27,193 {\an8}The only reason TV exists is for reality shows 9 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:31,573 {\an8}about white-trash scuzzbags doing subhuman, made-up jobs. 10 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,658 {\an8}LISA: Um... Oh. Ah. 11 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,785 {\an8}Eek. Yikes. Oh. 12 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,662 {\an8}Ew. Ugh. Well... 13 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,581 {\an8}Ew. Ah. Dad! 14 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,583 {\an8}No. Ah! Oh. 15 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,168 {\an8}Seriously? Ah! 16 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,336 {\an8}(bluesy rock music playing) 17 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,756 {\an8}Ooh, jail music! 18 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,591 {\an8}NARRATOR: When storage lockers are abandoned, 19 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,926 {\an8}we open them up! 20 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,471 {\an8}Our expert bidders face off in the ultimate contest 21 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,474 {\an8}to discover the amazing treasures within. 22 00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:01,061 {\an8}This is Storage Battles! 23 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,980 {\an8}I'll give it one marathon. 24 00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:09,569 {\an8}I don't care what people say, I am feeling this unit. 25 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:12,155 {\an8}No one feels out a unit like CJ. 26 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,075 {\an8}Not Bubba, not Debbie and Danny, no one. 27 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,785 {\an8}Mostly worthless junk: 28 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:19,329 {\an8}family photo albums, home movies, 29 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,247 {\an8}ah, kids' drawings. 30 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:24,167 {\an8}Eh, just some nobody. 31 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:25,376 {\an8}Here we go, here we go. 32 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,420 {\an8}Bubble wrap. 33 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,839 {\an8}If there's wrap, it ain't crap. 34 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,717 {\an8}Bingo! Antique bayonets. 35 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:36,346 {\an8}Oh! I'm talking World War One, Spanish American War. 36 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,515 {\an8}Crimea, baby. 37 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,935 {\an8}Well, if you found the right buyer on the right day, 38 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,938 {\an8}and he knew nothing about bayonets, 39 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:47,774 {\an8}you might sell them for possibly $500. 40 00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:50,610 {\an8}Definitely $500. $500! 41 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,488 {\an8}Five hundy! Five hundaminidos! 42 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,323 {\an8}(chuckles) 43 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,575 {\an8}(humming) 44 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,745 {\an8}-High-five me, Marge. -I want to know what it's for. 45 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:04,165 {\an8}Too late. We're gonna get rich off the poor and forgetful. 46 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,126 {\an8}And dead people. 47 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,923 {\an8}I bet I win a locker full of treasure, 48 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:15,552 {\an8}like a solid gold bar of silver or Picasso's TV. 49 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,845 {\an8}Oh, no, no, no. 50 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,389 {\an8}It is I who will be watching Picasso's TV tonight! 51 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,641 {\an8}(both grunting) 52 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:24,978 {\an8}Looks like you're not the only predatory opportunist in town. 53 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:26,980 {\an8}(gasps) There's other P.O.'s?! 54 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:30,024 {\an8}Uh-oh, better put on my game shades. 55 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,742 {\an8}-Do I hear $50? Let me get $50. -Oh, yeah! 56 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,703 {\an8}$100. Is there $100 out there? Looking for $100. 57 00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:43,454 {\an8}-Thank you! -$150, $150. 58 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,498 {\an8}-(strums electric guitar) -Do I have $200? 59 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,333 {\an8}-$250. Do I hear... -(yelling grunt) 60 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,459 {\an8}-$350. -Yarr! 61 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,711 {\an8}Four. Do I hear $400? 62 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,462 {\an8}-$450. -Bidding! 63 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:52,630 {\an8}-$500. -(plays bagpipes) 64 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,048 {\an8}-$550. -Skinner! 65 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,842 {\an8}-$600. -(trumpeting) 66 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,093 {\an8}$650. 67 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,095 {\an8}$650 going once, $650 going twice... 68 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,973 {\an8}(saxophone playing) 69 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,434 {\an8}$1,000. 70 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,186 {\an8}$1,000 going once, going twice. 71 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,687 {\an8}Sold to the man who didn't wait for the bidding 72 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,439 {\an8}to get anywhere near $1,000! 73 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,525 {\an8}In the money game, cash is king. 74 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,277 {\an8}(chuckles) 75 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,696 {\an8}(harmonica playing bluesy music) 76 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,076 {\an8}We spent $1,000 on a bunch of old boxes? 77 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,995 {\an8}You won't be laughing when these boxes 78 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,914 {\an8}are full of priceless treasures. 79 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,458 {\an8}I wasn't laughing, I was being worried. 80 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,418 {\an8}(humming) 81 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,046 {\an8}Feather boas? 82 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,714 {\an8}Mine's full of hand mirrors. 83 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,883 {\an8}I've got perfume spritzers. 84 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,801 {\an8}Makeup and baby oil. 85 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,762 {\an8}Tights? Robes? 86 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,723 {\an8}Oh, this stupid locker must have belonged to some old lady. 87 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,935 {\an8}"Property of Abraham J. Simpson"? 88 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,561 {\an8}This is Grampa's stuff. 89 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,397 {\an8}Why would my man-dad have lady stuff? 90 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,233 {\an8}It's not all lady stuff. 91 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,904 Look at all these fitness publications. 92 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,531 {\an8}Beefcake mags? 93 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,200 {\an8}(gasps) 94 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,453 {\an8}I think your dad might be gay. 95 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,580 {\an8}Oh, that's insane. 96 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,791 {\an8}My dad was married to a woman 97 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,961 {\an8}who left him because he ignored her needs for decades. 98 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,382 Ah, my gay dad is gay for gays. 99 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,760 (harmonica playing bluesy music) 100 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,721 (groans) 101 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,140 I think this is great. 102 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,393 Old gay men are adorable. 103 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:31,604 Like wrinkle dogs in a wrinkle dog calendar. 104 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,564 Those are pretty cute. 105 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,192 Your dad's been in the closet for so long, 106 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,612 he probably doesn't know how tolerant society's become. 107 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:44,033 They even had a gay float in the Pride Parade last year. 108 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,036 My dad has always been so angry. 109 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,247 Maybe if we help him be who he is, 110 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,082 he'll finally be happy. 111 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:52,458 Oh, Homie, 112 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,461 you're so enlightened. 113 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,968 Yeah, gay rights are human rights, baby. 114 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,388 (humming) 115 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,348 {\an8}Are you sure you're not just doing all this 116 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,601 {\an8}because it's cool to be accepting of a gay family member? 117 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,979 {\an8}Oh, honey, that's just silly. 118 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,856 {\an8}This'll show Helen Lovejoy. 119 00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:17,817 {\an8}Always bragging about her transgender cousin. 120 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,988 Abe, we found your storage locker. 121 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,823 And it's okay, Dad. 122 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,825 We know the truth, and we love you. 123 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,035 What?! 124 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,829 The contents of that locker are my private business! 125 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:30,997 Get out! 126 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,665 Just admit who you are, 127 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,584 and you can find new love. 128 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,461 If you don't want to die alone, 129 00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,796 come out of your room. 130 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,050 (moaning) Love... love... 131 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,718 love... love... 132 00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,470 (all gasping) 133 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,222 Hi, Marge. 134 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,059 I was just taking Stanlerina to get her hormone shots. 135 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,393 Oh. 136 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,021 Your father wasted his whole life being married 137 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,564 to your mother and having you. 138 00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,650 We've got to find him a boyfriend before it's too late. 139 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,070 Why don't you put a personal ad on the Internet? 140 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,197 That's how young people date these days. 141 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,824 It's weird that you don't consider yourself a young person. 142 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,993 I know. It's weird to me, too. 143 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,204 "Help me out of the closet. 144 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,873 Wonderful older man seeks life partner 145 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:16,167 before rapidly-encroaching death." 146 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,251 No fatties. 147 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,004 -How about some fatties? -Fine. 148 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,174 Okay, post this under "Men Seeking Men." 149 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:24,884 But what subheading? 150 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:26,302 Hmm, nothing too serious. 151 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,305 Here we go, "Casual Encounters." 152 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,350 Perfect! No pressure. 153 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,311 I hope someone saw our ad. 154 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,147 If I can't find my father a man to kiss and cuddle, 155 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,732 then I've failed as a son. 156 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,984 (gasps) Someone's coming. 157 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:46,072 Are you "Wrinkled and Romantic"? 158 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,408 Huh? What the heck are you talking about, Spectacles? 159 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,827 Oh, I've been hung up on someone for years, 160 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,037 but I'm trapped in the friend zone. 161 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,831 (sighs) It's time for me to move on. 162 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,083 So move on. You're blocking the ducks. 163 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,335 Don't you want to be happy, Abe? 164 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,089 Admit who you are, a wonderful gay man. 165 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:06,008 (stammers) What?! 166 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,844 I don't ride sidesaddle! 167 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,429 I'm straight as a submarine! 168 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,931 Then how do you explain this? 169 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:13,808 Oh, hello, Smithers. (chuckles) 170 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,686 Fancy seeing you in Casual Encounter Park. 171 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,357 -(gasps) You're Glamorous Godfrey! -Who? 172 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:25,027 Glamorous Godfrey was the most famous wrestler in the world. 173 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,404 And you are he! 174 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,114 Is this true? 175 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:29,574 BURNS: Behold. 176 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,701 HOMER: Look at all this wrestling crap. 177 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:32,618 -Ah. -Ay, caramba! 178 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,371 Fine, I was Glamorous Godfrey. 179 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,790 (sobbing) 180 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:38,875 What's wrong? 181 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,544 I so wanted him to be gay. 182 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,672 Well, on V.E. Day, I kissed a man by mistake. 183 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,215 Thank you. 184 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,680 You were a world-famous wrestler? 185 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,390 Spill the beans, old man. 186 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,600 Word beans! 187 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,727 Oh, all right, I'll tell you. 188 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,937 It was the 1950s. 189 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,814 HOMER (groans): Oh, those things? 190 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,400 GRAMPA: It was the heyday of pro wrestling. 191 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,110 You could make good money 192 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,362 if you were the manly mixture of strong and fat 193 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,072 we called beefy. 194 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,534 Good guys were called "baby faces." 195 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,204 And bad guys were called "heels." 196 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:20,082 I was the king of the heels, Glamorous Godfrey. 197 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,501 How dare he! 198 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,294 That was drinking milk! 199 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,796 GRAMPA: My motto was "Always cheat." 200 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:26,714 (groans) 201 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,049 (groans) 202 00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:35,890 But the thing that really drove them crazy was my vanity. 203 00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:38,768 You are the luckiest people in the world. 204 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,978 You get to look at me. 205 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,480 (crowd booing) 206 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:48,778 Grampa, you were the original bad boy. 207 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:52,448 Yeah, I was boastful before all your football showboaters, 208 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,243 rap music-ers and TV beach Italians. 209 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:58,287 But there was a downside to being hated: 210 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,914 being hated. 211 00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:03,000 (crowd booing) 212 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,591 (crowd booing) 213 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,718 Well, I just couldn't take it. 214 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,852 Being despised was no way to live. 215 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,230 Pshaw! Pshaw, I say! 216 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,606 Pshaw yourself! 217 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,400 -Pshaw! -Pshaw! 218 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:28,901 Homer, do something! 219 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,528 They're killing each other! 220 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,488 Oh, yeah? (muffled shouting) 221 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,283 The world may have despised Glamorous Godfrey, 222 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,952 but that conceited mother-puncher was my hero. 223 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,372 Please, Abe, let me buy you dinner 224 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,624 in exchange for a few tales of the golden age 225 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,959 of professional grappling. 226 00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:49,797 Sorry, I've been trying to forget those days for 50 years. 227 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,048 But, Grampa, 228 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,009 I want to hear about old-time wrestling, too. 229 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,428 Well, it looks like you've made a new fan. 230 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:58,264 It'd be a shame to let him down, hmm? 231 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,683 Fine. One dinner. 232 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:01,976 Excellent. 233 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,186 So we'll take the boy and make a night of it. 234 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,396 I don't know. 235 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,814 Should I really let the men 236 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,608 who ruined my past and present 237 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,360 hang out with the kid who's going to ruin my future? 238 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,612 I'll bring you home my dessert. 239 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,071 Text me the choices. 240 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,618 I can't believe I'm on the town with Glamorous Godfrey himself. 241 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:22,038 Tell me of your epic battle with Swedish Olaf Johannsen. 242 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,625 Oh, yeah, "The Fury of the Fjords." 243 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:29,003 (Swedish accent) He can't get a beauty treatment during a match. 244 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,589 (muffled grunting) 245 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,424 (laughs) 246 00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:35,426 You settled that Swede's meatballs. 247 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,762 What I wouldn't give to see Glamorous Godfrey 248 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,680 in action once more. 249 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,850 Would you ever consider throwing your wig back into the ring? 250 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,685 Go back to being a villain? 251 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,312 Oh, forget that. 252 00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,106 Being hated is the worst feeling there is. 253 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,109 (chuckles) You've got it all wrong, my friend. 254 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,696 Once you see it my way, you'll understand that being hated 255 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,199 is the greatest feeling in the world. 256 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,661 ♪ Don't really care for chasing women ♪ 257 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,537 ♪ Never was keen on booze ♪ 258 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,123 ♪ Don't take cocaine or Mary Jane ♪ 259 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,959 ♪ No, I get drunk on boos... ♪ 260 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,796 Uh, that's B-O-O-S, not Z-E as before. 261 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,047 Uh, we get it. 262 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,382 -Because... -(grunts) 263 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:17,009 ♪ You've got to love to be hated ♪ 264 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,303 ♪ Find the good in being bad ♪ 265 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,806 ♪ Oh, the crowd is full of gentlemen ♪ 266 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,808 ♪ But they've paid to see the cad ♪ 267 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,143 ♪ Yes, it's a hoot, a kick, a gas ♪ 268 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,312 ♪ When you're the villain of the show ♪ 269 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,731 ♪ Once you wear black, you'll never go back ♪ 270 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,776 ♪ It's a high to be loathed ♪ 271 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,030 ♪ Chucky, Stalin, Megatron ♪ 272 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,324 ♪ Eric Cartman, Donkey Kong ♪ 273 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,284 ♪ Vader, Nader, Simon Legree ♪ 274 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,662 ♪ Terminators, one, two and three ♪ 275 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,831 ♪ Iago, Joker, Voldemort ♪ 276 00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,250 ♪ McEnroe on center court ♪ 277 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,502 ♪ Mr. Burns and Skeletor ♪ 278 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,338 ♪ Keep your good guys, what a snore ♪ 279 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,925 ♪ When it's your head they wanna sever ♪ 280 00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,553 ♪ And your blood they wanna shed ♪ 281 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,972 ♪ You know you're gonna live forever ♪ 282 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,974 ♪ If everybody wants you dead ♪ 283 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,976 ♪ So listen up, because I'm giving ♪ 284 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,353 ♪ The best advice you'll ever know ♪ 285 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,813 ♪ So feel the thrill ♪ 286 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,231 ♪ I know you will ♪ 287 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,900 ♪ It's a high to be ♪ 288 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,528 ♪ Loa... ♪ 289 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,447 ♪ ...thed ♪ 290 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,782 I'll feel like I'll live forever 291 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,535 as long as everybody wants me dead. 292 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:25,953 Okay, Burns! 293 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:29,123 Glamorous Godfrey will wrestle again! 294 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,374 (all gasp) 295 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:34,128 That cocaine I ordered is taking forever! 296 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,218 (indistinct chatter) 297 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,179 I can't wait to see Grampa kick some ass. 298 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,847 He's always pretended to be boring, 299 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,474 but he's really a straight-up psycho. 300 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,310 Your grandfather is not psycho. 301 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:52,480 The only thing he "straight-up" is loves you. 302 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:55,483 Gorilla Joe, Gorilla Sam, Gorilla Pete, 303 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,401 Ook and Eek, the Gorilla Twins. 304 00:12:57,485 --> 00:13:00,237 Where did Mr. Burns dig up all these old wrestlers? 305 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:03,991 Apparently, old folks homes are full of people that used to be things. 306 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,577 Just like you and me. Swear to God. 307 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,079 Welcome, aficionados of the roped ring, 308 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:11,749 to a thrilling night of senior-on-senior action. 309 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,168 -(grunting) -(snoring) 310 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:15,795 (grunting grows weaker) 311 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,589 (both snoring) 312 00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,466 (all snoring) 313 00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:21,801 (crowd cheering) 314 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,386 Folding chairs! Folding chairs! 315 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,223 Can't hit somebody when they're not looking without a folding chair! 316 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,350 -Can I have one? Can I? -Fine. 317 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:30,559 Ha! 318 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,561 And now our main event. 319 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,523 In this corner, Baby Face Palooka. 320 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:36,941 And entering the ring, 321 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,443 America's original vainglorious bastard, 322 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,278 Glamorous Godfrey! 323 00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,780 (crowd booing) 324 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,698 (baroque orchestral music playing) 325 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,953 (booing continues) 326 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,498 Yes, feel the hatred. 327 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,918 It makes you strong, powerful, alive. 328 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,380 You are the luckiest people in the world! 329 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,715 You get to look at me! 330 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,926 (booing continues) 331 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,553 (crowd coughing) 332 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,221 (crowd booing) 333 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,597 You show 'em, Godfrey! 334 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,516 You're the prettiest old man in the world! 335 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,352 Why do you think bad guys are so cool? 336 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,312 Why do you still have a thing for Nelson? 337 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,439 I do not! That's ridiculous! 338 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,483 I just... it's that... he, uh... 339 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,111 He's a rebel, and only I can change him! 340 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,947 -(clang) -(crowd clamoring, booing) 341 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,373 (crowd shouting) 342 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,544 (booing) 343 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,925 It's so sad that Grampa has to cheat 344 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,636 instead of relying on his God-given wrestling skills. 345 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,056 What kind of person revels in disapproval? 346 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:54,101 What kind of person, indeed. 347 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,939 (baroque orchestral music playing) 348 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:02,943 MILHOUSE: It's the prettiest boy in Springfield, Bart Simpson! 349 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,695 -(indistinct chatter) -What's going on? 350 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,118 You are the luckiest people in the world! 351 00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:12,786 You get to look at me! 352 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,455 (crowd booing) 353 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,208 Hey! (grunts) 354 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,210 (Bart humming) 355 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,295 (coughs) 356 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,880 (booing continues) 357 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,007 Hey, Simpson, tell your kid to quit showboating. 358 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:28,844 I've never seen anyone so full of self-regard! 359 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,597 And I've worked with Bob Balaban! 360 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,016 (booing continues) 361 00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:41,023 Your behavior at that game was unacceptable! 362 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,776 You're lucky they gave you your participant trophy! 363 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:46,320 {\an8}I got one just for watching the game. 364 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,950 Listen, getting people riled up is what heels do. 365 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,910 Heel? Oh, no. 366 00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,703 Tell me you're not trying to be like Grampa! 367 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,080 Well, sure I am. 368 00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:57,748 I always thought Grampa was lame, 369 00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,583 but he's really awesome! 370 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,919 Your grandfather is super lame! 371 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,588 I mean, if he wasn't a terrible father, 372 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,507 what's my excuse for this? 373 00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:07,925 (grunting) 374 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,680 I know your grandpa seems exciting now, 375 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:15,140 but all that preening and cheating, 376 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:18,769 those turnbuckle antics, are not gonna make him happy. 377 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,397 (Grampa and Burns sigh) 378 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,691 Burnsy, I can't remember the last time 379 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,234 I was so happy! 380 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,320 You grandson-ruining fiend! 381 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,614 Look what your number one fan 382 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,074 did at show-and-tell! 383 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,910 ROBOTIC VOICE: Pain. Ow. 384 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,829 Pain! 385 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,747 Who would film such a thing? 386 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,332 It's found footage! 387 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,168 So what? We could use another winner in this family! 388 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:44,920 How are you a winner? 389 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,588 You're cheating in a fake sport. 390 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,298 Fake? Ridiculous. 391 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,050 If professional wrestling were fake, 392 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,720 that would make every fan in the history of the sport 393 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,930 a complete and utter moron. 394 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:57,933 Mercy. 395 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,145 You know, I've always had a keen eye for tiny talent. 396 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,731 Perhaps you and the lad could tag-team up. 397 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:04,940 Wrestle with Bart? 398 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,943 Well, he ain't beefy, but he is infuriating, 399 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,820 and you can't teach infuriating. 400 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,780 Monty, you're a genius! 401 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,450 Bart cannot be an old-time wrestler! 402 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,579 As your inattentive son, and your incompetent employee, 403 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:19,872 I forbid it! 404 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:24,126 {\an8}Oh, why does everything I forbid always happen? 405 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,669 {\an8}(grunts) 406 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,134 (indistinct chatter) 407 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:35,012 So, Beautiful, you got your moves memorized? 408 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,472 You know it, Glamorous! 409 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,432 Eye gouge! Ear bite! Folding chair! 410 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,392 Hair pull! Face-fart! Flying face-fart! 411 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,394 And then I start fighting dirty. 412 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:43,854 (laughs) 413 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:45,939 They're gonna hate you so much. 414 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,317 Oh, I get it. 415 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,904 You're here to tell the kid he can't wrestle with his grandpa. 416 00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:54,073 (grunting) 417 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,617 I don't care if Bart is a wrestler, 418 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,285 a busboy, 419 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,871 or even a stoplight squeegee man, 420 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,582 as long as he's a nice person. 421 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:06,502 But if he gets too much attention for acting bad, 422 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,505 he might turn bad on the inside. 423 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,381 Eh, that's women-talk. 424 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:15,219 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to comb out my curls! 425 00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:18,514 One... two... three... 426 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,391 (crowd cheering in distance) 427 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:25,020 Beautiful Bart, can I have your autograph? 428 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,688 Sure. Here you go. 429 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,148 (hawks, spits) 430 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,109 (laughs) 431 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,027 Eh, hey, Bart, 432 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,113 leave some of that bad attitude for the ring. 433 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,490 The world is my ring now. 434 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:37,825 (laughing manically) 435 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,414 In this corner, for truth and justice, 436 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,250 Captain Flag and Half-Mast. 437 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,252 (crowd cheering) 438 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:51,880 Now entering the ring, the first family of foul play, 439 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,091 Glamorous Godfrey and Beautiful Bart! 440 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,552 (crowd booing) 441 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,304 -(sniffing) -You all stink! 442 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,015 (crowd shouting) 443 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:08,105 Glamorous Godfrey is dead! 444 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,815 (all gasp) 445 00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,984 (crowd murmuring) 446 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,319 I am Honest Abe! 447 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,571 (all gasp) 448 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:21,160 And this is Laddie Liberty! 449 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,744 What are you doing? 450 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,330 I ain't a heel no more, I'm a good guy. 451 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,707 And you're a baby-face. 452 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,041 But-but what about the cheating? 453 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,126 No more cheating. 454 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,210 And the preening? 455 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,378 No more preening. 456 00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:32,629 But I'm so pretty. 457 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,465 That's for others to say now. 458 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,842 What are you doing, Godfrey? 459 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:40,053 You're a villain, not some bullet-brained rail-splitter. 460 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,848 Without someone to hate, there's no excitement, no thrill. 461 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,517 I don't care. My grandson's soul is at stake. 462 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,395 How dare you! I wrote a song for you. 463 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,189 When am I ever going to use that again? 464 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,692 Curse you, and this morbidly obese little half-wit. 465 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,946 So, they only want to see a good guy 466 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,032 fight a bad guy, eh? 467 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,366 (gasps) 468 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,619 Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa... 469 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,287 (crowd gasps) 470 00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:09,082 He's taking on Mean Man Monty! Go get him, Honest Abe! 471 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,460 This is why we go to everything in this town-- 472 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:12,794 it always pays off. 473 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,964 (gasps) 474 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,424 Honest Abe, can I pin him? 475 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:20,302 Ha-ha! You know it, Laddie Liberty! 476 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,804 (grunting) 477 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,059 (crowd cheering) 478 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,979 Damndest boos I ever heard. 479 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,773 They're cheering, Grampa. 480 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,734 This is what I've been missing my whole life. 481 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,819 (cheering continues) 482 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,280 Oh, that was so sweet. 483 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:43,992 (sobbing softly) I wish Grampa was my dad. 484 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,253 {\an8}(bluesy rock music playing) 485 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:34,167 Shh! 486 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay