﻿1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:03,962
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,380
(muttering)

3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,303
(exclaiming)

4
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)

5
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,605
(Barney belches)

6
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,441
(whistle blows)

7
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,067
(yells)

8
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,157
(beeping)

9
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,830
(playing the blues)

10
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,422
D'oh!

11
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:48,757
(tires screeching)

12
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,008
(grunts)

13
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:55,889
{\an8}Mm?

14
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,565
{\an8}A plague
is sweeping through Springfield.

15
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,276
{\an8}A blue bonnet plague.
(chuckles)

16
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,403
{\an8}Springfield's ladies are wearing
colorful Easter hats

17
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,323
{\an8}to celebrate the resurrection of...

18
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,783
{\an8}Jesus Christ.

19
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:18,703
{\an8}<i>♪ I could write a sonnet ♪</i>

20
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:22,832
{\an8}<i>♪ About your Easter bonnet ♪</i>

21
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,336
{\an8}<i>♪ And of the girl I'm taking ♪</i>

22
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,797
{\an8}<i>-♪ To the Easter parade ♪</i>
-Whoa.

23
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,799
{\an8}We'd better get this concert started.

24
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:33,134
{\an8}The giant chocolate bunny's melting.

25
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,427
{\an8}Hollow?

26
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,887
{\an8}We paid for solid!

27
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,014
{\an8}Chief,
the company's named Bunny Hollow.

28
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,808
{\an8}I thought that was where they lived.

29
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,185
{\an8}Look at those delightful
children, Smithers.

30
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:45,188
{\an8}All those healthy organs,
ripe for the harvesting.

31
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,023
{\an8}(strumming glockenspiel)

32
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,361
{\an8}-(chuckles)
-Not here, sir. Not now.

33
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,988
{\an8}Mm. Hmm.

34
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,828
{\an8}Uh, not sure what I'm expecting
to happen here.

35
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,666
{\an8}<i>♪ Here comes flute and piccolos ♪</i>

36
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:07,877
{\an8}<i>♪ What comes next,</i>
<i>the horns, horns, horns ♪</i>

37
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,463
{\an8}(sputtering)

38
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:11,631
{\an8}(sighs)

39
00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:13,716
{\an8}<i>♪ The horns, horns, horns ♪</i>

40
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,511
{\an8}-(sputtering)
-Blow, you little disappointments!

41
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,346
{\an8}(horns honking)

42
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:24,519
{\an8}(crowd screaming)

43
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,856
{\an8}(screaming)

44
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,608
{\an8}Ah.

45
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,238
{\an8}(panting)

46
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:38,491
{\an8}(choking)

47
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,663
{\an8}Who could've shoved eggs
up our brass?

48
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,082
{\an8}(laughing)

49
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,752
{\an8}His amusement is tantamount
to culpability!

50
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,171
{\an8}(crowd clamoring)

51
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:52,338
{\an8}Easy, easy.

52
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,965
{\an8}Let's not jump to conclus...

53
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,842
{\an8}Too late. Already jumped.

54
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,844
{\an8}-(whimpers)
-Egg don't belong

55
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,262
{\an8}in a chicken's eye.

56
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,681
{\an8}It belongs in her pee-poo-birth-hole.

57
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:02,807
{\an8}Kill that boy!

58
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,601
{\an8}(panting)

59
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,687
{\an8}It's Easter;

60
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,355
{\an8}why aren't these people at work?

61
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,482
{\an8}(doorbells jingle)

62
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:15,445
{\an8}Good Lord.

63
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,281
{\an8}Look at all these comical booklets.

64
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,743
{\an8}Yes, yes. Just don't exhale
your death breath directly on them.

65
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:22,869
{\an8}Thank you.

66
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,038
{\an8}You know, I used to collect these

67
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,623
{\an8}bestapled fables.

68
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,212
{\an8}What are you reading?

69
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,088
{\an8}The adventures of <i>The Good Shepherd</i>

70
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,007
{\an8}and his sidekick, The Fleecy Kid.

71
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,176
{\an8}-Bah!
-That's his battle cry.

72
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,260
{\an8}Baa!

73
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,596
{\an8}The sound which terrifies sheep rustlers

74
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,473
{\an8}the length and breadth of Michigan's

75
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,891
{\an8}untamed upper peninsula.

76
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:48,061
{\an8}You should be out
in the fresh air, kicking dogs.

77
00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:50,563
{\an8}I'm gonna buy this publishing company

78
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,398
{\an8}and burn it to the ground.

79
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,901
Why did you have to lock us in?

80
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,486
Teach my son a lesson!

81
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,242
How much for your entire collection?

82
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:05,745
Um, the speed of light,
expressed in dollars.

83
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:07,956
Just give him Faraday's Constant.

84
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,045
(humming)

85
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,924
Nice going, Bart.

86
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,176
You've ruined Halloween, Thanksgiving,

87
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,429
Christmas and Easter.
The legendary grand slam.

88
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,515
You guys, I swear I didn't do it.

89
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,353
(funeral march playing)

90
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,278
Oh, I don't like the sound
of that funeral march.

91
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:43,366
Okay, I'll pay for your damn band candy!

92
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,285
What was it, $1,700?

93
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,577
Forget the candy!

94
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,538
We're here to turn this...

95
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,999
into this.

96
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,751
Now do me wearing a sombrero.

97
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:56,754
(chuckles)

98
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,173
Now have me sleeping under a cactus.

99
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,552
-D'oh!
-Hand over your son,

100
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,263
so we can administer "Band Justice."

101
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:08,391
(plays dramatic music)

102
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,101
I know this looks bad.

103
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,186
And I admit, I would
totally lie in a second

104
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,397
to Lisa or Mom or Dad,

105
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,065
but I would never lie to Maggie.

106
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,651
I did not do that prank.

107
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,617
Wow, he passed the Maggie test.

108
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,995
And remember
how Maggie solved Cookiegate?

109
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:31,080
All too well.

110
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:35,918
To prove my brother's innocence,
I demand a youth court.

111
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,423
That's right! Bart must not be judged
by these kids,

112
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,717
but by a jury, of kids.

113
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,135
Mostly these kids.

114
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,428
There's only so many kids.

115
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,929
(sighs)

116
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,265
I'm afraid once a youth court
has been demanded,

117
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,435
we are legally obligated
to shut down mob rule,

118
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:55,229
as decided in the case
of <i>Rubber v. Glue</i>

119
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,107
and reaffirmed by
<i>I Know You Are v. What Am I.</i>

120
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,902
Son, if there's one thing I've learned

121
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:05,323
as a defendant and a juror,
it's stay out of the courtroom.

122
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,283
It's so frickin' boring.

123
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,036
Run, boy! I'll create a distraction.

124
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,040
(playing "Stars and Stripes Forever")

125
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,175
(tempo increases)

126
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:25,385
(music stops)

127
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,470
(music resumes)

128
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,439
(fireworks whistling, popping)

129
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,524
(music ends)

130
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,778
Anyone can conduct Sousa.

131
00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:50,076
Good news, bad news:

132
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,494
we're allowed to select the judge,

133
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,622
but it's impossible to find
one who doesn't hate you.

134
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,375
I know someone who would
make a great judge.

135
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,460
Would you kids believe your Grampa

136
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,379
once argued in front of the Supreme Court?

137
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:02,463
-No.
-Sorry.

138
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,049
Not a chance. I mean, it's true.

139
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,510
It was back in 1998.

140
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,221
I say individual rights.

141
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,931
I say the common good.

142
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:15,143
WOMAN: Gentlemen,
our system balances both.

143
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,019
Oh, yeah, and how would you know?

144
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,147
Attorney General Janet Reno?

145
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,108
That's right. And that better not
be your gum on the ground.

146
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:24,652
Uh, it's not, but I'll take care of it.

147
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,573
Stop doing that.

148
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,450
(chuckles)

149
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,578
This is better than being a real
attorney or a real general.

150
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,747
The attorney general and I
have been playing chess

151
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,374
through the mail ever since.

152
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,626
I find that a little hard to believe.

153
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,129
Yeah, why would you
play chess through the mail

154
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,589
when you can play chess
through the Internet?

155
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,674
Or preferably, not play chess at all?

156
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,384
See here, sass mouth,

157
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,928
you're not too big
for me to tan your hide.

158
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,431
It's not a threat
if I don't know what it means.

159
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,141
I'll fix your wagon!

160
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:56,434
Thanks. I'd like that.

161
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:58,352
(muttering)

162
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,858
(scoffs) I get a whiff of the immigrant

163
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,027
from these newfangled superheroes.

164
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,533
Hmm.

165
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:16,537
Reclusive millionaire,
stately mansion, damaged psyche.

166
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,623
(chuckles) He's just like me.

167
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:22,793
Smithers, I, too, shall become
a crime-fighting bat.

168
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,836
Hmm.

169
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,880
But I won't become just any bat.

170
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:29,050
I shall be the terrifying bat
who swoops from the sky

171
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,594
and sucks the vital essence of his prey.

172
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,305
I shall be Fruit Bat Man!

173
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:35,890
Great, great.

174
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:37,975
I-I don't suppose you'll be
forgetting about this tomorrow?

175
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,894
No sooner than I'd forget my own mother.

176
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,646
That's not your mother, that's your bear.

177
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,814
Well, then, where's my stuffed mother?

178
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:51,489
All right, you soft-skulled
nitwits, sit up straight,

179
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,492
because we finally have someone
in this school

180
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,410
who deserves your respect:

181
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,454
former Attorney General Janet Reno.

182
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,498
-(sparse applause)
-Thank you, Gary.

183
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,167
(gasps) Grampa's story was true?

184
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,879
First, I would like to say,
rook to E-8. Checkmate.

185
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:07,880
Dagnabbit!

186
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,465
(laughs)

187
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,634
Youth court is now in session.

188
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,135
God, I love gaveling.

189
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,387
Mr. Prosecutor?

190
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,515
Over the next few days,
you're going to hear

191
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,141
how the defendant, Bartholomew Simpson,

192
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,311
aka the Springfield Egger...

193
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,688
Objection! Prejudicial!

194
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,606
-Sustained.
-(giggles)

195
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,899
She sustained me.

196
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,652
How Bartholomew Simpson wantonly

197
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,904
egged this town
with Milhouse aforethought.

198
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,281
Now, hold on.

199
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,575
Principal Skinner,
are you wearing hard-soled shoes

200
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,826
on this gym floor?

201
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,661
No, ma'am. Sneakers.

202
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,330
You're wearing sneakers to a trial?

203
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,250
Oh, God, the press is gonna have
a field day with this.

204
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,459
Yay, field day!

205
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,920
I can go cuckoo and no one can stop me!

206
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,506
That's exactly what George W. Bush said

207
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,674
when he was inaugurated.

208
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:52,842
People don't remember that.

209
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,176
This case is going great.

210
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,138
Although as usual, I look nothing like
the courtroom artist's drawing.

211
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,099
BART: Nice try, Pop.

212
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,521
Very dramatic, sir.

213
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,315
A little more brooding, and...

214
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,233
there's my superhero.

215
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,485
-Now let's get you to bed and...
-Hist. Look there.

216
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,698
This looks like a job for Fruit Bat Man.

217
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,658
(screeches)

218
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,702
Perhaps we should, uh,
just call the police.

219
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:23,164
The police? Bah!
Every last man on the take.

220
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,124
And I should know,
because I'm on the give.

221
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,043
I've never felt more alive!

222
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,632
Look, I'll give you each
$1,000 if you pretend to let

223
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,550
that old man out there stop this crime.

224
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,551
Mm.

225
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,304
Mm.

226
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,890
Feel the crumbling fist of justice!

227
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,433
-(grunts)
-Ouchers.

228
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:44,101
Oh, dear.

229
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:47,146
Who are you, mysterious
octogenarian of the night?

230
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,398
I am the squeak in the rafters,

231
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,025
the flutter in the chimney,

232
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,152
the tiny teeth marks in the peach.

233
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,237
I am Fruit Bat Man.

234
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:59,158
Now back to my natural realm,
the inky night.

235
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,163
D'oh!

236
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:07,667
I'll just take one of
these key chain penlights.

237
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,794
You have to keep squeezing this thing?

238
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,420
Who has the strength for that?

239
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,716
So when I came in,
the Monday after Easter,

240
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,760
I noticed three dozen eggs missing.

241
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,262
And do you think this boy took those eggs?

242
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,140
Him?
All he takes are sodas and desserts.

243
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,975
Objection! Unhealthy!

244
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,769
But could Bart
have gotten those eggs?

245
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,187
No way.

246
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,772
They were under lock and key.

247
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,148
(gallery gasps)

248
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,067
No one could have touched those eggs

249
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,528
except me and the seagulls that laid them.

250
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,113
No further questions.

251
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,950
Ah, to be young and on trial.

252
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,868
♪♪

253
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:12,940
(yells gibberish)

254
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:21,240
A toast to our enigmatic new protector,

255
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,117
who certainly isn't me.

256
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,869
Smithers, wink my eye.

257
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,831
Want to hit the hot tub, Burnsie?

258
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,750
Well, I hate to get all pruney,

259
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,502
but heated tubbery
is what we playboys do.

260
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,588
Great work, everyone. That's a wrap.

261
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,676
It's nice to make an old man
feel good about himself.

262
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,761
You said it.

263
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,348
So Bart couldn't have taken the eggs.

264
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,100
I was with him the whole weekend.

265
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,685
You'd make up any lie

266
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,228
for that Simpson boy, wouldn't you?

267
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:54,064
Yeah, but I'd pee my pants.

268
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,816
Nelson.

269
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,568
Dry as a bone.

270
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,445
(sighs)

271
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:02,656
Now, that's what I call "legal briefs."

272
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:03,699
Why are you here?

273
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,826
I thought of the joke and rushed over.

274
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,746
Your Honor, I think we've seen enough.

275
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,998
I have demolished the prosecution's claims

276
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:14,251
and made the prosecutor
sweat through two shirts.

277
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,878
I move that you dismiss this case

278
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,506
and release this sweet, lovable boy.

279
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,008
-Motion denied.
-(gasps)

280
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:24,762
Miss Simpson, your grandstanding
summation contained a grievous error.

281
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,806
By calling your brother sweet and lovable,

282
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,891
you opened the door to testimony

283
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,352
from anyone who doesn't think
he's sweet and lovable.

284
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:34,438
The prosecution calls
everyone in the world!

285
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,857
(gallery gasps)

286
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:46,784
Mr. Szyslak,

287
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:49,245
what name did the defendant ask for

288
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,121
when he called you at your bar?

289
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,706
He asked for, um...

290
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,833
(clears throat)

291
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,209
...Mike Rotch.

292
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,127
And then what did you say?

293
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,129
Well, I said, um...

294
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:00,840
I said, "Mike Rotch."

295
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,676
Um, "Mike Rotch."

296
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:05,219
And then I...

297
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:06,971
(sobbing) I'm sorry.

298
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,472
Take all the time you need.

299
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,642
I, uh, I, uh, I yelled out,

300
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,728
"Has anybody seen Mike Rotch?"

301
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:15,938
(gallery murmuring)

302
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,857
See, they... (sobs)

303
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,026
See, they thought I was asking
if anybody wanted to see...

304
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,987
my-my...

305
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,948
Oh, man, this is so painful.

306
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:29,451
(sobbing) My crotch.

307
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,703
(gallery gasps)

308
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,374
Thank you for your bravery today.

309
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:38,127
I just had to make sure that he never
did this to another bartender.

310
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,882
Pass the gravy, Gloria All-Wrong.

311
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,635
The trial's not over, and
gravy is dead animal juice.

312
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,138
Hmm?

313
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,639
Hmm.

314
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:54,226
Just remember this:
a Simpson never gives up.

315
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,020
(laughter)

316
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,479
You got to be kidding!

317
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,735
(knocking)

318
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,821
(tires screech)

319
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,617
(gasps) A civilian.
She mustn't know I'm a hero.

320
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,743
Gouge her eyes out.

321
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,537
Mr. Burns,

322
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,788
I came here because my brother

323
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,832
is about to be wrongfully convicted,

324
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,417
and the man I'm looking for

325
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,919
would help me find the truth.

326
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,338
Don't you get it?
I don't care who you are or what you want.

327
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,923
(groans)

328
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,591
Now get lost.

329
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,009
(groans)

330
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,803
I think you just sent away
the first person

331
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,931
you could have actually helped.

332
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,807
What do you mean, "actually"?

333
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:37,019
I've punched out four Homer Simpson
shaped burglars tonight alone.

334
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,438
All those crooks were fakes, set up by me.

335
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,024
(gasps)
Even the Abominable Dr. Lenny?

336
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,817
No, he was a happy accident.

337
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,694
But the rest were fakes, just like you,

338
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,863
a man who claims to be
a hero but is nothing more

339
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,366
than a fraud with a cute little bod.

340
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:56,789
They're calling for you, sir,
but who's gonna answer?

341
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,501
MAN: Ah!

342
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,544
What the hell is that?!

343
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,013
And so I've learned that
the only true Batmen

344
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,974
are Christian Bale and Adam West.

345
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,977
Why are you washing
Bumblebee Man's pants?

346
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:21,730
I volunteered to wash the egg stains
off everyone's clothes.

347
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:25,484
It's one of those things you say
and hope nobody takes you up on it.

348
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,028
-That's odd.
-What's odd?

349
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,446
This skirt has a small splatter.

350
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,990
-Splatter?
-Splatter as if the egg

351
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,616
had been crushed against it by hand.

352
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,910
-I don't follow.
-Like someone faked being hit,

353
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,161
so they wouldn't be a suspect.

354
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,038
Interesting, except you missed one thing.

355
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,832
-What's that?
-It's not a skirt.

356
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,041
It's a kilt!

357
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:48,924
Oh, the wood chipper.
Is there any sweeter music?

358
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,635
-MARGE: Why'd you do it, Willie?
-(screams)

359
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,722
Because the world is better off
with four fewer Welshmen!

360
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,390
Wait, what are we talking about?

361
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,727
This kilt says you framed my brother. Why?

362
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,645
Because I hate Easter.

363
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:04,898
You see, ladies,
I'm not just a Presbyterian,

364
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,735
I'm a Scottish Old Believer Presbyterian!

365
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,613
Old Believers don't recognize holidays

366
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,241
not celebrated by the original apostles,

367
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,326
especially one named after

368
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,996
the pagan god, Eostre!

369
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,998
But how did you get the key?

370
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,459
I made sweet love
to Lunchlady Dora,

371
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,127
<i>then copied the key as she slept.</i>

372
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,212
(snoring, metal grinding)

373
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,547
Hmm. Mm-hmm.

374
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,300
Now, as for your evidence...

375
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,845
(cackles)

376
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:38,140
Behold, the pointed ears of justice.

377
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,144
Ah! A human fruit bat!

378
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,814
(engine starts)

379
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,736
(gasping)

380
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,614
You're so light.
It's like fighting a silk scarf!

381
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,199
Or a kimono sash!

382
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:59,036
Yes, feel the weightless
tickle of justice.

383
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,871
-(gasps)
-(screams)

384
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,750
(engine chugging)

385
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:13,217
Which side won? Good or evil?

386
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,761
-Good.
-And which side was I on?

387
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:19,014
-Also good.
-(chuckles) Well, there's two surprises.

388
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,601
Will the defendant please rise?

389
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:27,147
It's amazing how much exercise
I've gotten from those words.

390
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,524
BURNS: Pause the inquisition!

391
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:29,608
(gallery gasps)

392
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,111
Behold the real egg-flinging fiend.

393
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,113
Aye, 'tis true.

394
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,449
I pulled the prank,
for some daft Scottish reason.

395
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,120
I'd fire that man if he weren't
so damned good at what he does.

396
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,247
We have a school
full of professionals, sir.

397
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,124
Really? Where is that school?

398
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,542
Inside your head?

399
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:50,170
Another mystery solved
by Attorney General Janet Reno.

400
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,630
Case dismissed.

401
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,298
(cheering)

402
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,217
You saved me, Lis.

403
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,846
For the rest of my life, you'll
always be my one phone call.

404
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:02,391
Aw, but I do hope you'll try
to be good from now on.

405
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,309
Don't need to; I got you.

406
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,728
-(gavel bangs)
-Children, let me be clear.

407
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,689
Despite what happened here,

408
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,941
last minute confessions,
shackled Scotsman

409
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,403
and meddling billionaires are
not how the legal system works.

410
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,071
Well, the last one is.

411
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,158
Today, you were truly a hero.
Thank you.

412
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,325
Excellent.

413
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,494
You know, if you're gonna be a hero,

414
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,830
you might not want to tent
your fingers like that.

415
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,165
Is this better?

416
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,667
Maybe you should wrap your hands
behind your head.

417
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,086
Maybe I should wrap them around
your gabby little throat.

418
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,089
Ah! Tenting, tenting! Back to the tenting!

419
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,757
(phone ringing)

420
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,386
Acquitted?

421
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,180
Then my nightmare isn't over!

422
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,599
(sobbing)

423
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,767
-(phone ringing)
-(gasps)

424
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,356
{\an8}<i>(Moe sobbing)</i>

425
00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:01,408
Well, Fruit Bat Man,
it seems you're no match for me,

426
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:03,410
the Abominable Dr. Lenny!

427
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:04,953
(laughs maniacally)

428
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:14,796
Gentlemen, this threat is too great
for just one elderly hero.

429
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,965
We have no choice but to activate

430
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,426
The Octogenarian Initiative.

431
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,345
<i>The Rambler...</i>

432
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:24,556
And then there was the time
I taught a dog to make oatmeal.

433
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,016
(snoring)

434
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,227
<i>Early Bird...</i>

435
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,313
<i>Hot Flash...</i>

436
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,776
<i>Iron Lung.</i>

437
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:37,778
It is time to pull up...

438
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,905
<i>The Dependables.</i>

439
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:46,912
-I open one, no trump.
-Double.

440
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:49,957
You've just made a powerful enemy.

441
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:34,293
Shh!

442
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,006
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay

