﻿1
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<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
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(screams)

3
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(all screaming)

4
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GRAMPA: Hey!

5
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,192
D'oh!

6
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,237
{\an8}Our poor couch.

7
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,948
{\an8}It sure has taken
a beating over the years.

8
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,950
{\an8}Might be time to get a new one.

9
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,952
{\an8}Really?
You want to throw something out

10
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,996
{\an8}just because it's a little old?

11
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,372
{\an8}Hello, everybody.

12
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{\an8}(mumbling) Rotten, damn, lousy...

13
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{\an8}(humming)

14
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{\an8}Ow!

15
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{\an8}Are there any two words

16
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:53,011
{\an8}more exciting than "couch shopping"?

17
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,013
{\an8}No need. I already went online

18
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,265
{\an8}and ordered a new couch
just like the old one.

19
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{\an8}And, you know, Marge,
those salespeople

20
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,603
{\an8}weren't really our friends.

21
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:04,522
{\an8}But they let me take fabric samples.

22
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{\an8}They charged a deposit.

23
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{\an8}They had to. It came from corporate.

24
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{\an8}That's right, sweetie,
it always comes from corporate.

25
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{\an8}Hey, this one's going to Springfield.

26
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{\an8}Chumps. Don't everyone know
that all New York furniture

27
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{\an8}is full of bedbugs?

28
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{\an8}Forget about it!

29
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{\an8}It's forgot abouten!

30
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{\an8}Mm-hmm!

31
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{\an8}-(impressed murmuring)
-Ooh, wow.

32
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{\an8}(sniffs) Mmm.

33
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{\an8}New cushion smell.

34
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{\an8}I'm gonna put all
my stuffed animals on it.

35
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{\an8}(humming) All right, get comfy.

36
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{\an8}Gentlemen, the fort is complete
and will stand forever.

37
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{\an8}No way the Nazis will get in here.

38
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{\an8}Oh, I thought we were the Nazis.

39
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<i>The latest New York fashion</i>
<i>has come to Springfield: bedbugs.</i>

40
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{\an8}Ew, just hearing about them makes me itch.

41
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{\an8}Ooh, ooh. Funny how
the brain does that, huh?

42
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{\an8}It's making me see them.

43
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{\an8}(laughs) The brain is so stupid.

44
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{\an8}(screams) Those are bedbugs!

45
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{\an8}How did we get bedbugs?

46
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,783
{\an8}Probably one of Bart's dirty friends.

47
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{\an8}Boy, why are your friends so dirty?

48
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{\an8}Don't know.
Why are your friends such drunks?

49
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{\an8}Touché.

50
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{\an8}I know this seems bad,
but nothing brings out

51
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{\an8}the best in Springfield like a crisis.

52
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{\an8}(groaning)

53
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{\an8}Bring out your bed!

54
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,554
{\an8}Bring out your bed!

55
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{\an8}(gasps)

56
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{\an8}FLANDERS: No!

57
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{\an8}Hold my hand.

58
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{\an8}(groans)

59
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{\an8}Ahem, people, there is no need to worry.

60
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{\an8}I have developed
the perfect bedbug repellant.

61
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{\an8}(crowd gasping and murmuring)

62
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{\an8}You see, behold the power
of modified bear pheromones.

63
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{\an8}(groaning) Ahh, no!

64
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{\an8}Marge, Milhouse was clean as a whistle

65
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,760
{\an8}till he played with your boy.

66
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,012
{\an8}Now, we don't know it was the Simpsons.

67
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{\an8}I think the most obvious
culprit is the poorest family.

68
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'Tweren't us. We don't even have beds.

69
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We sleep in washtubs and coffins.

70
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Why won't somebody blame the children?

71
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,984
Well, the good news
is it forced us all to church.

72
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You know, in the Middle Ages,

73
00:03:56,903 --> 00:04:00,114
people took refuge in church
to escape the bubonic plague,

74
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but that made the plague
spread even faster.

75
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Church!

76
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(indistinct arguing)

77
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Everyone, please, calm down.

78
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Reverend Lovejoy is here.

79
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He will give us succor.

80
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(clears throat)

81
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The Epistle of Jeremy is often cited

82
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:22,387
as the most difficult book
of the Apocrypha.

83
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But to me, none of the anagignoskomena

84
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,685
are more contemplative
than the book of Tobit.

85
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(all shouting)

86
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(shouting stops)

87
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(crowd gasps)

88
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Mind if I p-p-pray through?

89
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It's the parson.

90
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Are you gonna let
a sunny summer day be ruined

91
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,825
by a few b-b-bugs?

92
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:47,078
God's soldier in cardigan.

93
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:50,707
Looks like I picked a swell day
to return your six iron, Reverend.

94
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:54,794
Now, looky here, Tim.
This is a five-alarm brouhaha.

95
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,671
Now, for chili, that's just dandy,

96
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,965
but I brought you a little backup.

97
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,300
(clears throat)

98
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,886
(chuckles) I think I'm more
than capable of handling this.

99
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:07,598
Need I remind you
of the bingo riot last summer?

100
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,810
God called all their numbers that day.

101
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,104
Please meet your new associate minister,

102
00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,523
the Right Reverend Elijah Hooper.

103
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,984
He was the number two man
from Shelbyville.

104
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,986
Introduced angle parking.

105
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,322
We got in six more cars.

106
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,407
Folks, isn't he something?

107
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,117
Big hand for Reverend Lovejoy.

108
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Mm-hmm.

109
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Everyone says great things about you, Tim,
and I can see why.

110
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The posture, the haircut, the tiny feet.

111
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It's amazing they hold you up.
But they do.

112
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(chuckles) They do.

113
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So charming.

114
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It's like he's selling
silver polish at the state fair.

115
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Look, here's why I'm here.

116
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:49,766
Church should make you happy,
like a warm mug of soup.

117
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:53,478
Why does it taste better from a mug?
I don't know, but it does.

118
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,396
God help me, I'm paying attention.

119
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,065
Okay, who here has read Leviticus?

120
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,066
Mmm!

121
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,403
Okay, now, who here
has seen <i>Meet the Parents?</i>

122
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:05,656
Me! Me, me. Me, me, me, me.

123
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Hilarious film;
showed a whole new side of De Niro.

124
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At first,
he couldn't stand his son-in-law,

125
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,038
-but then they patch things up...
-(snoring)

126
00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:13,081
...in a comical fashion, remember?

127
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,583
The point is, at the end of the day,

128
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,210
we love each other.

129
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,171
And that's all this thing really says.

130
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(murmuring)

131
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,591
So, don't waste your whole
Sunday listening to us.

132
00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:26,469
Go home and watch one
of the <i>Die Hard</i> movies on TV.

133
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,555
They're always on,
and they're always good.

134
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,933
And, ladies, drop in
on a neighbor's open house

135
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,309
just to see what they did
with their sun room.

136
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,644
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

137
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,270
Now, go on home.

138
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,816
We're here every Sunday,
just like Snoopy in color.

139
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,943
ALL: Aw.

140
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:45,279
Can you believe this guy, Helen?
Hey... Helen?

141
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,740
-Tim.
-Yes, Helen?

142
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,284
My wedding ring is creating a glare.

143
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,953
Can you hold it?

144
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:56,040
This is the worst 17th Sunday
in Ordinary Time ever.

145
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,257
OTTO: One day out of rehab, and I...

146
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:07,385
Ooh... (laughs)

147
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,304
Whoa. (laughs)

148
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:14,058
(sniffs) Mmm,
debugged and fresh as a daisy.

149
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:17,145
Cool. They give you a bag
of the bedbugs they killed.

150
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,479
(laughs)

151
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,690
Homer's oatmeal, meet your raisins.

152
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:27,238
Homer's Pie Man costume, Lisa's red dress,

153
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,574
Lisa's red dress, Lisa's red dress,

154
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,451
Sunday Best Bart...

155
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,494
(gasps) Where is it?

156
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,579
My wedding dress!

157
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,667
Vodka? Is this Krusty's?

158
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:42,336
A high-voltage monkey prod?

159
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:45,214
(gasps) It is Krusty's.
He must have my dress.

160
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,341
-Let's go.
-What's the hurry?

161
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,720
I don't want a comedian
knowing my dress size.

162
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,513
(humming)

163
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,682
(gulps)

164
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,435
Wait a minute! This has oats in it!

165
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,061
Ooh, a nose hair trimmer.

166
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,354
(screams)

167
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,275
Yeah, I found a wedding dress
in my dry cleaning.

168
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,360
We used it in a sketch.

169
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,697
Where's my mail-order bride?

170
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,369
Ugh, how long was he in there?

171
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,830
Don't worry, we cleaned up
the crate real good.

172
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,665
What about my dress?

173
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,502
Oh, gee, I'm afraid
that dress is long gone.

174
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,379
I threw it out the window
during my post-show hissy fit.

175
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,717
{\an8}Some of us don't have dressing rooms.

176
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,219
-CARL: Wooden!
-LENNY: Plastic.

177
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,803
-Wooden.
-Plastic.

178
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,889
Why do we always argue
over coffee stirrers?

179
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,682
You know what's really stirring?

180
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,226
Live, local theater.

181
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,977
-(all laughing)
-Yeah.

182
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,647
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
before I let a Holy Joe

183
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,899
walk in this bar, I got to know

184
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,235
which of the two
true faiths you represent.

185
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:50,321
Well, I represent an easygoing
offshoot of Protestantism.

186
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,074
That is the wrong thing
to say to a snake handler.

187
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:54,575
Easy, Moe, easy.

188
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,953
Ah, this thing's
just loaded with rock salt.

189
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,622
I use it to keep the raccoons
out of my fridge.

190
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,333
And, of course, to coat the rims
of my margarita glasses.

191
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:09,549
Uh, Padre, can I be honest with you?

192
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,593
I've sucked every church
book ribbon there is

193
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,971
hoping to find one made of cherry.

194
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,556
But there isn't.

195
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,350
And if it's such a "good book,"

196
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,561
how come there's no blurbs on the back?

197
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,895
Not even David Sedaris.

198
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,730
And he'll flack anything.

199
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,691
Seriously, "pews"?

200
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:28,317
Homer, I love your passion.

201
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,236
It's terrific. It's really something.

202
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,029
Listen, I'm just thinking.

203
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,073
Would you consider being my deacon?

204
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,367
Deacon? Is that like one of those

205
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,827
weird Catholic priest things?

206
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,163
No, not at all.
It's like a sexton or a rector.

207
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,749
Oh, now we're talking. But why me?

208
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,794
Because, if I can get the man
who sleeps through church

209
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:49,130
to be my guy, this town will know

210
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,549
that religion can be fun.

211
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:55,386
Well, I'm not one
for taking new jobs on a whim.

212
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,805
But, as we say in the snow plow business,

213
00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,682
I'm your astronaut.

214
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,562
<i>What do you think?</i>

215
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,814
<i>I didn't think Shotgun Mike's Bridal Store</i>

216
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,692
<i>had a nice dress, but you found it.</i>

217
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,028
<i>Homer, you're not supposed</i>
<i>to see the dress</i>

218
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,779
<i>before the wedding.</i>

219
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,781
<i>-Just looking for the bathroom.</i>
<i>-(woman screams)</i>

220
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,783
<i>This is not the bathroom!</i>

221
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,661
<i>Aw, but this paper towel feels so good.</i>

222
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:23,080
I'm sorry your dress is gone, Mom.

223
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,374
Oh, sweetie, it's not for me.

224
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,252
I wanted you to wear
that dress at your wedding.

225
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,171
Well, then, you shouldn't feel bad,

226
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:33,174
because I can't imagine myself
ever getting married.

227
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,258
(gasps)

228
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:38,012
Homer, your daughter
doesn't want to get married.

229
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,056
That would save us several hundred bucks.

230
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,433
Tell her she's wrong!

231
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,019
Right. Uh, I don't understand, Lisa.

232
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,855
We let you get up early
to watch the Royal Wedding.

233
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,815
Hey, I have a weakness for pomp.

234
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,026
Since when?

235
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,904
So, you see, what Jesus is saying

236
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,822
really can be explained

237
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,616
by an episode of <i>Californication.</i>

238
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,951
ALL: Oh.

239
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,621
Now Reverend Lovejoy will lead us in song.

240
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,707
<i>♪ God lifts you up where you be... ♪</i>

241
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:07,875
(sighs)

242
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,878
<i>♪ God lifts you up where... ♪</i>

243
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,755
(sighs)

244
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,632
<i>♪ God lifts you up... ♪</i>

245
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:17,301
Um... give me a minute.

246
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,471
Uh, but first, let me introduce
our new deacon-- Homer Simpson!

247
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,848
It's an honor, sir.

248
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,809
(applause)

249
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,977
Homer Simpson a deacon? But why?

250
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,647
You bring in the lost sheep,
and the others will follow.

251
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,816
Lost sheep. Yes! Sis boom bah!

252
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,567
(chuckling)

253
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,737
I don't think there's a place
for me here anymore.

254
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,573
Heading for the door, pushing the handle.

255
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,536
Left foot across the threshold.

256
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,163
Now the right.

257
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,082
Walking to car.

258
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,917
Stepped in hole.

259
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,877
Twisted ankle.

260
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,713
Tremendous pain.

261
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,006
Keep it elevated.

262
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,887
Church bulletin? Church bulletin?

263
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,598
Find out in whose loving memory
this week's service is.

264
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,684
The answer may shock you.

265
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,228
Dad? You always hated church.

266
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,106
Now, for the record, I hated the building,

267
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,817
the people in it
and the spirit it represented.

268
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,986
I never hated the church itself.

269
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:21,157
And now, finally, I believe
in something bigger than myself.

270
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,659
The only thing bigger than you
is you tomorrow.

271
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,411
Why, you little...

272
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:26,787
lamb.

273
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,790
Oh. Mustn't... kill own son.

274
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,042
Only God can do that.

275
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,922
<i>♪ Day by day ♪</i>

276
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,634
<i>♪ Day by day ♪</i>

277
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,636
<i>♪ Oh Dear Lord ♪</i>

278
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,807
{\an8}<i>♪ Three things I pray ♪</i>

279
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:50,728
<i>♪ To see thee more clearly ♪</i>

280
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:55,149
<i>♪ Love thee more dearly ♪</i>

281
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:58,736
<i>♪ Follow thee more nearly ♪</i>

282
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,529
<i>♪ Day by day ♪</i>

283
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,115
<i>-♪ Day by day ♪</i>
<i>-♪ Day by day... ♪</i>

284
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,242
(groaning)

285
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,453
Church bulletin? Church bulletin?

286
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,954
Church... (gasps)

287
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,414
Someone finally took one.

288
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,501
I'm mentioned in it 'cause I'm sick.

289
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:19,006
Sorry, Maggie.
I just don't have the touch today.

290
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,549
(burps)

291
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,009
(burps)

292
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,636
Mom, I found your wedding dress.

293
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,429
(gasps)

294
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,722
How?

295
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,975
Using something
this town has never, ever seen--

296
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,436
good, honest police work.

297
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,480
<i>I staked out the alley</i>

298
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,607
<i>and befriended the garbage man</i>
<i>who took it.</i>

299
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,692
<i>Then he gave it</i>
<i>to a local theater company,</i>

300
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,945
<i>who used it in the first</i>
<i>unsuccessful version</i>

301
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,613
<i>of</i> Mamma Mia.

302
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:45,199
<i>In a bankruptcy sale, it was</i>
<i>bought by a young couple.</i>

303
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,868
That couple right there.

304
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,287
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

305
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,289
Oh.

306
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,583
Thank you for finding it, sweetie.

307
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,002
And seeing someone else get married in it

308
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,046
is better than having it myself.

309
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,215
You never know, Mom. I'm only eight.

310
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,008
I might get married someday,

311
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,010
even if it's only a green card marriage

312
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,471
to keep a Chinese dissident
from being deported.

313
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,349
We can have the reception at Wong Lee's.

314
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:16,605
<i>♪ Day by day, day by day ♪</i>

315
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:21,026
<i>♪ The deacon's job is pretty okay ♪</i>

316
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,863
<i>♪ Pretty okay ♪</i>

317
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:27,324
<i>♪ I'm going to be a deacon, day by day ♪</i>

318
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:31,036
<i>♪ I'm already a deacon, day by day... ♪</i>

319
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,956
Dad, the Oogle street camera's
driving around town today.

320
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,291
Want to go moon it with me?

321
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,294
Son, I'd love to, but I'm a deacon now.

322
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,505
My butt's place is in my pants.

323
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:46,677
(grunting)

324
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,682
(sighs)
Church songs with clapping.

325
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,476
I don't think this is what
Martin Presbyluther had in mind

326
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,895
when he founded our religion

327
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,438
by sticking his Three Suggestions

328
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:59,023
under the Pope's windshield wiper.

329
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,108
Mr. Flanders,
this new reverend has thrown tar

330
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,526
in your half-pipe, too?

331
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:05,613
I don't understand that
on any level, but yes.

332
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,282
Well, let's get Lovejoy back.
Do you know where he is?

333
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,785
He's in a place full
of brimstone and exposed flesh.

334
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,787
You mean he's selling hot tubs?

335
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:14,955
Yes.

336
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,294
The 7500 is all about jets, jets, jets.

337
00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:22,880
That's the one place
you cannot cut corners.

338
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,632
That, of course, and underwater speakers.

339
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,092
-That sounds expensive.
-I need this, Apu.

340
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,053
Sir, can you please turn up the bubbles

341
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,138
so we can argue in private here?

342
00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:33,557
We wouldn't have to do this
if you remembered your Hindi.

343
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,934
Oh, I remember it.

344
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,810
I'm just pretending
I can't understand you.

345
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,063
Reverend, we want you to come back.

346
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:40,814
Well, let's face it.

347
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,399
I wasn't cut out for that job.

348
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,068
Nobody listened.

349
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,487
Look, the boy's not even listening now.

350
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,698
He's right-- these underwater
speakers are amazing.

351
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,743
(Bart hums a tune underwater)

352
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,162
Reverend, this is just
the kind of tomfoolery

353
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,122
that's been on the upswing since you left.

354
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,999
Pure, unadulterated tomfoolery!

355
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,126
We shall take the 7500.

356
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,253
And not a single jet more!

357
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,005
Sorry, Ned.

358
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,757
I finally found my calling.

359
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,343
How are you guys fixed for decking?

360
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:11,428
Oh, what a surprise.

361
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,431
A huge new expense
you didn't tell us about.

362
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,141
We've lost him.

363
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,102
Buddy, there's a 50 in my vest pocket.

364
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:19,687
-Will you buy us some beers?
-(gasps)

365
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,943
The only cool thing about my dad
was that he hated church.

366
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:28,612
And now he's turned into
a fat version of Flanders.

367
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,406
-No offense.
-None taken.

368
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,618
(Flanders scoffs)
God doesn't need Twitter to reach people.

369
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,245
He uses leprosy and plagues.

370
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,914
Hmm. Plagues.

371
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,876
{\an8}Ew, locusts.

372
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,212
{\an8}Darkness. Yawn.

373
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:46,338
{\an8}(gasps) Bingo!

374
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,591
Flanders, are you willing to get Lovejoy
back by hook or by crook?

375
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,218
Neither, and I don't like it

376
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,553
when other people rhyme.

377
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,221
Yes, but if I do something,

378
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,515
-will you look the other way?
-Hmm.

379
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,434
I'd like to turn in this boy

380
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,852
for thinking about doing
something naughty,

381
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,603
and myself for waiting 30 seconds

382
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,855
before bringing him here.

383
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,773
Whatever. Take 'em away, boys.

384
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,650
And that's why Flanders
will never, ever be

385
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:07,818
my partner in crime again.

386
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,153
Thanks for bailing me out.

387
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,404
Yeah, but don't push it.

388
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,156
There's only so many times

389
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:13,699
I can tell Nana it's my birthday.

390
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,492
Now, what's this prank?

391
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,370
First, we got every dead bedbug in town.

392
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,914
To think those exterminators were just

393
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,666
going to throw these beauties away.

394
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,045
Now, to leave a nice, clean
trail of bugs out of the swamp.

395
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,882
The frogs follow, and Hooper's
got a plague he can't handle.

396
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:35,095
(frogs croaking)

397
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,057
Ugh! One of these bedbugs is still alive.

398
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,433
(croaking)

399
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:42,061
(sighs) Much better.

400
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,604
(croaking)

401
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,789
(frogs croaking)

402
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,858
(murmuring)

403
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,360
(frogs croaking)

404
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,530
(crowd screaming and gasping)

405
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:39,118
Ow! He took my contact!

406
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,286
Aah! Now I got two in one eye!

407
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,122
(people yelling and screaming)

408
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,874
Remember you said,
"When hell freezes over?"

409
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,085
I think this is close enough.

410
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,587
Huh. I'm in no position to argue.

411
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:51,880
(moaning)

412
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,759
(electrical zapping)

413
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,347
(yelling and muttering)

414
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,020
-Help! Help!
-What should we do?

415
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,106
We need guidance.

416
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:12,151
I have a plan.
Save your civic leaders.

417
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,611
Calm yourselves. In times like this,

418
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,656
there's one almighty being
we can put our faith in--

419
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,324
Reverend Hooper.

420
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,076
It's okay, everyone.

421
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,495
Who here has seen <i>The Blind Side</i>
with Sandy Bullock?

422
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,331
Remember when Big Mike was overwhelmed
with scholarship offers?

423
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,542
Well, that's kind of
how we are with these frogs.

424
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:30,544
To hell with your references.

425
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:31,795
(crowd murmuring angrily)

426
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,338
We're dying here.

427
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,007
I'm more frog than Moe.

428
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,551
(grunting)

429
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:38,802
Ribbet. Ribbet.

430
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,721
Do something.

431
00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,723
Um, video games, uh, Twitter.

432
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:44,391
Uh, <i>How to Train Your Dragon.</i>

433
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,351
<i>Fight Club.</i> Aah!

434
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:52,024
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

435
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:55,194
He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.

436
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:58,197
He leadeth me beside the still waters.

437
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,949
He restoreth my soul.

438
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:04,703
His words have soothed
the amphibious beasts!

439
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:10,209
(gasps)
His boringness saved us all.

440
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,545
(chanting)
Lovejoy! Lovejoy! Lovejoy!

441
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,804
{\an8}Where do you think you're going?

442
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,432
Let us pray.

443
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,147
All right, we collected
all the personal information

444
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,399
from Flanders comma Ned.

445
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,734
Let's move on to the next house.

446
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,069
Hmm, that's weird.

447
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:41,114
Four spheres-- two small, two gigantic.

448
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,950
Better zoom in.

449
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:46,370
-(yells)
-Compliments of the deacon.

450
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,372
(both laughing)

451
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:53,543
{\an8}<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>♪ Day by day ♪</i>

452
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:57,339
{\an8}<i>♪ Day by day ♪</i>

453
00:20:57,422 --> 00:21:00,342
{\an8}<i>♪ I've got three kids ♪</i>

454
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,552
{\an8}<i>♪ And two are okay ♪</i>

455
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:05,055
{\an8}<i>♪ Two are okay ♪</i>

456
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:08,350
{\an8}<i>♪ One of them is the baby ♪</i>

457
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,354
{\an8}<i>♪ The smart one is mine maybe ♪</i>

458
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,774
{\an8}<i>♪ I hope the boy gets rabies ♪</i>

459
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:20,112
{\an8}<i>♪ Day by day by day ♪</i>

460
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:23,448
{\an8}<i>♪ Day by day ♪</i>

461
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:27,995
{\an8}<i>♪ Oh, I pray ♪</i>

462
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:29,871
{\an8}<i>♪ Day by day by day ♪</i>

463
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,040
{\an8}<i>♪ By day ♪</i>

464
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,626
Shh!

465
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:40,007
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay

