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-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
-(vocalizing)
2
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D'oh!
3
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
5
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(grunts)
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{\an8}HOMER: Oh, boy.
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{\an8}(electronic clicking)
8
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{\an8}Hmm, is that the radon detector?
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00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,614
{\an8}(electronic clicking)
10
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{\an8}Mom's deleting old TV shows
off the DVR.
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{\an8}What the...?!
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{\an8}(gasps) Marge!
13
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{\an8}You're deleting the 2009 Oscar Red Carpet!
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{\an8}There were some awesome dresses!
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{\an8}And quite a few... disasters!
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{\an8}Fine. What would you get rid of?
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{\an8}Well, I can't part with
a single one of my Hoarders,
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{\an8}hands off my episodes of Episodes,
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{\an8}and if you delete Revenge...
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{\an8}(groans angrily)
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{\an8}Oh, fine. I'll just get rid
of these Itchy and Mitchys.
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{\an8}For every one of my
cartoons that you erase,
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{\an8}I rip up a family vacation photo.
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{\an8}And just so you know I mean
business, here's an ear!
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{\an8}(sighs) All right.
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{\an8}At least I can delete
these Westminster Dog Shows.
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{\an8}-(growls)
-Fine.
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{\an8}I'm getting rid of this
American Masters "Kitty Carlisle."
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{\an8}-(yowls)
-It's not what you think!
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{\an8}So I stayed up for the last 87 hours
watching all my shows.
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{\an8}(chuckles)
Nothing's gonna delete these.
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{\an8}(goofy chuckle)
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{\an8}Guys, there's something
I want to tell you.
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{\an8}Something important.
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{\an8}So who do you like,
the Padres or the Tigers?
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{\an8}I'm not talking about baseball.
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{\an8}I'm asking if a priest can beat
a big cat in a death match
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{\an8}in some kind of polygon.
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{\an8}Hexa or octa?
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{\an8}Only one way to decide: arm wrestling.
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{\an8}Eh, who am I kidding?
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{\an8}They don't care about me.
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{\an8}(sighs)
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{\an8}Suicide. Finally.
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{\an8}I'm really doing it.
No more cries for... help!
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{\an8}'Cause this time, there's no one that's
gonna... save me!
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{\an8}I mean, it's not like...
I'm begging you, please,
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{\an8}please show me some love!
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{\an8}(sighs) Yeah, it's nothing like that.
50
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{\an8}Eh, maybe I should call.
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{\an8}Give one of the new kids
a chance to talk to the legend.
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{\an8}AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Hello, you have reached
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{\an8}the Buzz Cola Suicide Hotline.
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{\an8}Our options have changed,
so please listen carefully.
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{\an8}State the reason
you are committing suicide.
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{\an8}Nothing to live for.
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{\an8}You said, "Business problems."
Is that correct?
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No! I got nothing and no one!
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You said, "Face sucked off
by vacuum cleaner."
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Is that correct?
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(sobbing)
No! No! Help me! Help!
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If your face is in the vacuum
cleaner bag, press "one."
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I just want to talk to a human being!
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Please hold for our next
available life-extension agent.
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♪ Suicide is painless ♪
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♪ It brings on many changes ♪
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♪ And I can... ♪
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Oh, that tears it! No more delays!
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(phone ringing)
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-Hello?
-BART: Hi, I'm looking for a Mr. Ron,
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first name Moe.
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Moe Ron?
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(sighs) Moron.
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It's you, you little puke.
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I am gonna tie a rope
around your neck and hang...
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(choking)
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I'll show you who's a... moron.
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And that's why libraries
use newspaper rods.
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(thud)
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(gasps)
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-Whoa!
-(gasps)
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I know CPR!
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I took a class where you do
chest compressions
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to a Bee Gees song.
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♪ How deep is your love?
How deep is your love? ♪
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Are you sure it wasn't "Staying Alive?"
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Too on the nose.
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♪ I really need to learn ♪
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♪ 'Cause we're living
in a world of fools ♪
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♪ Breaking us down ♪
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♪ When they all should let us be ♪
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♪ We belong to you and me ♪
93
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♪ I believe in yous ♪
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You-you guys, you saved me!
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You do care!
96
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,635
Now, wait a minute.
Got to make sure you're okay.
97
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,095
Who's the president now?
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Some jerk.
99
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He's back!
100
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I really want to thank you all.
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You gave me a new lease on life,
102
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and I'm gonna take this opportunity to...
103
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(plays static)
104
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:43,366
(coughs)
105
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,410
(sighs) What's the point?
106
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Same old stinking world.
107
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:51,916
Ah, this post-suicide afterglow
gets shorter every time.
108
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Homer Simpson!
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(shrieks) The woman I love!
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I sent you to the store
to get applesauce
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for Maggie two hours ago!
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Well, uh, I was just leaving, but Moe...
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had an accident!
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What kind of accident?
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I, uh, may have tried to end it all.
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I wasn't even good at that.
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(sighs)
Excuse me, will you?
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(sobbing)
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That poor man.
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We've got to do something
to change his life.
121
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We could write on his face
when he passes out.
122
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(chuckles) Yeah,
that's always good for a laugh.
123
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No, no, it has to be something big
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that'll change his whole outlook.
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(snaps fingers)
Why don't we take Moe on a road trip?
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Aw, that, hey, that's really sweet.
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Hey, can Noosey come, too?
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Moe, this trip is about
turning your life around.
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With the three desperate
barflies that you see every day.
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Maybe I should come, too.
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Four guys, a chick and a noose.
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Just like the movies I like to watch.
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Grampa's in charge of you kids
while we go to Capital City.
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Ooh, you're a good eater today, Maggie.
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Bart, you're in charge of Grampa.
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(jazz music playing)
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♪ There's a swinging town I know called ♪
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♪ Capital City ♪
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Come on, Moe, stick your head
out the sunroof.
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You'll look like
the richest dog in the world!
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Eh.
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Lighten up, man. The big city!
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Wow, look at all them countdown clocks.
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Acres of rainforest left,
deaths by lung cancer.
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It's magical.
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All I see is two million people
happier than me.
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Moe, I know things
haven't been easy for you,
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but you're with people who love you
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in the most exciting of the twin cities.
150
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Capital City has a twin?
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Moved to California to be a star,
but it just turned into Glendale.
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So what do you say, Moe?
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Will you give me a smile?
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Well, I'll try.
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(grunting)
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Maybe if I just tilt my head back here.
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Thatta boy!
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♪ And you'll feel better ♪
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♪ You'll feel better, you'll feel better ♪
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♪ Better than before ♪
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♪ You'll feel better, much better ♪
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♪ No, you won't get down anymore... ♪
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Okay, Moe, one more surprise.
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Gentlemen's Whorehouse?
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Whoa, ho, ho!
166
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No, no, it's a Wearhouse.
167
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,461
We're all gonna chip in
and get you a new suit.
168
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,796
A new suit?! Oh, ho, ho!
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00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,466
I'll be the best-dressed
john in the whorehouse!
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But, listen, are you guys
sure you want to spring
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00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:50,553
for something that expensive?
172
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,930
Yes, 'cause every time you wear it,
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00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,057
you'll know how much we love you.
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Like the one pair of blue pants
I bought Homer 20 years ago.
175
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They're like a wedding ring;
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00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,065
I can't take them off anymore.
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00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,567
(sighs)
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00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,695
Oh, Moe, this suit really brings out
179
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:10,239
the herringbone in your eyes.
180
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,283
Hmm.
181
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:15,286
Nah, it's a 44 long. I wear a 38 hunched.
182
00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,538
Got anything for a man my size?
183
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,333
Absolutely not.
Tent City is across the street.
184
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,792
Tent, eh?
185
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,836
(humming)
186
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:27,965
Hmm.
187
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,510
No husband of mine is wearing a tent.
188
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,595
No tents, no barrels, no kiddie pools.
189
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,972
Thank you, fashion police!
190
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:38,142
Hey, not bad, not bad.
191
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,353
And look over there, Moe.
192
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:41,812
That's me?
193
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,981
Hey, thank you, guys. Thanks.
194
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,067
It's a brand-new day! (chuckles)
195
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,071
Okay, final checklist.
196
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:51,489
Checklist ready? Check.
197
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,741
Mom and Dad still gone?
198
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:55,326
Uh, check.
199
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,329
What about that snoopy girl reporter
that's always hanging around?
200
00:08:58,412 --> 00:08:59,664
You mean my sister?
201
00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:01,499
She's your sister?
202
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:02,917
The plot thickens.
203
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,253
Clueless little Lisa
doesn't suspect a thing.
204
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:07,088
(upbeat jazz music playing)
205
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:10,466
Whatever Bart's doing,
it's got to be pretty bad
206
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,177
for him to get me tickets
to this amazing jam session.
207
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,767
All the greats are here:
208
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:22,144
Jellyroll Jones, Boston Cream Basie,
209
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,106
Birthmark Billy Jackson, Grabass Walker,
210
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:28,317
the Fatneck Sisters and... (gasps)
211
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,194
Bleeding Gums Murphy?
212
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:34,448
♪ I got this bratty brother ♪
213
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:36,951
♪ He bugs me every day ♪
214
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,453
No, that's impossible. He's dead.
215
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,540
I lay a saxophone reed
at his grave every year.
216
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,208
Lights and magic, Lisa.
217
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,751
You don't need anything else.
218
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,420
But I took a bunch of stuff anyway.
219
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,717
It's a hologram?
220
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,011
Well, maybe if it's in good taste.
221
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:01,017
Aw, come on.
222
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,602
Five seconds to slip-off.
223
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,103
And four, three...
224
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:06,272
Boy, what are you doing up here?!
225
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:08,691
Also, what am I doing up here?
226
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,694
Bart, you said your grandfather
wouldn't bother us.
227
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,362
I gave him a caramel.
228
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,114
He should have been chewing for hours.
229
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,574
I couldn't unwrap it!
230
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,618
-(yells)
-I got you, Grampa!
231
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,579
Hold, bolo, hold!
232
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:24,707
I don't want to die!
I want to still be a burden!
233
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,794
-(yelling)
-(all gasp)
234
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,302
Please be okay.
235
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:41,223
♪ How deep is your love?
How deep is your love? ♪
236
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,683
Boy?
237
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,768
Yes, Grampa?!
238
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:45,478
Kiss my forehead.
239
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,313
(groans)
240
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,400
Man, I must really love him.
241
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,111
(suctions)
242
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,907
(pops)
243
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,242
I'm not gonna die today.
244
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,203
Aw, that's so sweet.
245
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,746
Let's get all our grandfathers
246
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:04,997
and chuck them down this thing.
247
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,624
-All right!
-All right!
248
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,672
Why am I in the basement?
249
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,715
Shouldn't I see a medico?
250
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,425
If the Wilsons' calf is birthed,
251
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,177
Doc Miller should be available.
252
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,513
Thank God your mental powers
haven't deteriorated.
253
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,431
Well, why the hell am I down here?!
254
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,850
I was supposed to be in charge of you.
255
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,852
I can't let Mom and Dad
know what I did.
256
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,605
But I promise I'll take good care of you
until you're well again.
257
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,732
No deal! I'm getting out of here.
258
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,901
(groans) Ooh, wow.
259
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:35,820
My tailbone!
260
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,322
And it was my last good bone.
261
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,824
(groans)
262
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,742
There, there, you'll be fine.
263
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,494
I'll take care of everything you need.
264
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,246
I want a foot rub.
265
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,081
Yes, but do you need one?
266
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,582
Nobody needs one!
267
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,750
Now start rubbing!
268
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:50,876
(groans)
269
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,294
Rub harder!
270
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,381
(humming)
271
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,677
(grunts) Sorry, pal.
272
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,137
"Sorry, pal"?
273
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,680
Hey, that's common courtesy.
274
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:04,724
The kind I've only seen in movies.
275
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,600
This suit is amazing!
276
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,354
Eh, this dump is too filthy
277
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,565
for a man with a positive worldview.
278
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,234
I'm gonna start cleaning.
279
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,486
Dirt. Carpet.
280
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,988
Another layer of dirt.
281
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:20,823
Congoleum. (gasps)
282
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:21,991
Hardwood!
283
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,910
The perfect floor for doing a happy jig.
284
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,872
(upbeat music playing)
285
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,381
And now to light up the sign
and let the world know
286
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,884
that the new, improved Moe's
is open for business.
287
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,182
Hmm.
288
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,892
Wow, non-losers?
289
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,894
Huh, I never thought I'd see the day.
290
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,645
Gentlemen, what can I get you?
291
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,981
We'll take anything you've got
aged 15 years or more.
292
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,233
Hmm.
293
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,652
Hmm.
294
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:00,988
(squeaking)
295
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,867
Well, actually, I do have this
bourbon that I brewed myself.
296
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,952
It'll either be
the best thing you ever had
297
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,913
or the last thing you'll ever have.
298
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:09,830
-Mmm.
-Huh.
299
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,546
Wow! Hey, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
300
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,881
Moe, we're venture capitalists.
301
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,966
We turn dreams into money
that mostly goes to us,
302
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,177
-but you get a little.
-Tell me more!
303
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,930
How many bottles of this
Kentucky Kool-Aid do you have?
304
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:29,350
Just the one, but I could whip up
two or 300,000 more.
305
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,644
Moe, you got a great product,
a fantastic suit,
306
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,270
and we're gonna give you
everything you need.
307
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,523
Startup money, branding specialists.
308
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,733
Corporate jets, private drivers.
309
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,652
If your feet touch the ground,
we've failed.
310
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,695
This is all so sudden.
311
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,825
Now it's not. I'm in!
312
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,827
Only one more thing we need to do.
313
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,662
Check this out with our focus group.
314
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,751
{\an8}Mm!
315
00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,630
{\an8}(murmurs happily)
316
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,632
-So, what do we think?
-Be honest, now.
317
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:02,883
{\an8}I love it!
318
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,510
{\an8}I've made a lot of mistakes,
319
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,136
{\an8}but liking this ain't one of them.
320
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,598
(groans)
321
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,142
Every time I call
Grampa's phone, I get no answer.
322
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,729
Uh, he told me he was gonna
nap most of the week.
323
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,398
Oh! Oh, good.
324
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,859
Well, he needs his sleep.
325
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,655
Time for your meds!
326
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:28,033
-Come on, blue!
-Come on, pink!
327
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,035
Take it, take it, there you go, yes!
328
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:34,248
After a pulse-pounding race,
hypertension pills win again.
329
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:37,835
Call me crazy, but I can't stop
betting on dementia.
330
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:40,713
Now, what say we turn
the hot water on and off
331
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,756
while your father's taking a shower?
332
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,551
HOMER: Oh! (gasping)
333
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,428
Hot, oh! Cold, oh!
334
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:48,637
(screams)
335
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,180
Thank God I'm not in the shower!
336
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,641
(both laughing)
337
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,771
Hmm.
338
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,441
Grampa, we've been spending
so much time together,
339
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:03,027
I almost feel like you're
part of the family.
340
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,528
Aw.
341
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,531
And I've been wondering.
Not like I miss having my afternoons free
342
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:11,368
or anything, but...
are you starting to feel better?
343
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,870
Absolutely not!
344
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,789
My crotch is crotchety,
sitting down makes me uppity,
345
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,208
and you call these cups pleated?!
346
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,878
Okay, okay, just checking.
(sighs)
347
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,339
"Dear She-Done-Left-Me Records,
348
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:27,718
Once again, I write protesting
your holographic exploitation
349
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,054
of blues icon Bleeding Gums Murphy.
350
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,932
I call for a boycott and girl-cott
351
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,476
of your entire catalogue until you..."
352
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,811
-(jazz music playing)
-Sonny Rollins?
353
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,188
That's right, Lisa.
354
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:43,067
And I'm here to beg you
to stop writing those letters.
355
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,611
You're siding with record companies?
356
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,321
This isn't about money, Lisa.
357
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:50,532
From Tupac Shakur to Dwight Eisenhower,
358
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,786
holograms have introduced some
of our leading dead people
359
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,705
to a new audience
of people with money.
360
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,832
Resetting, resetting.
361
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:02,169
From Tupac Shakur to Dwight Eisenhower...
362
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,587
You're a hologram, aren't you?
363
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,423
No. Resetting, resetting.
364
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,759
(groans)
365
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,344
Have you no shame?!
366
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,845
Does this answer your question?
367
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,931
-(man beatboxing)
- ♪ My name is Princess Di ♪
368
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,516
♪ And I'm here to say ♪
369
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:18,018
♪ When I watch a DVD,
it's got to be Blu-ray. ♪
370
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,520
Take it, Gandhi!
371
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,188
First Bank of Springfield--
372
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:24,608
say "Mumbai" to high checking fees!
373
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,443
(hisses)
374
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,115
MOE: Hey, thanks, guys.
375
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:34,326
I ain't never been
to no fancy rooftop party before.
376
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,536
No beer?
377
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,621
That's a pretty big screwup.
378
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,206
Moe, we got a special surprise.
379
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:40,749
You like chicks with nose clips?
380
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,003
-Then you're really gonna be happy.
-Bring it, girls.
381
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,842
Hey, that is the most accurate
picture of my face
382
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,677
made of girl-parts that I have ever seen.
383
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,846
And it's not decadent 'cause you
can ask interns to do anything.
384
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,806
Thanks.
Thank you so much, Ken and Glen.
385
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:56,974
Ah, you're welcome.
386
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,976
Anything to celebrate
your I.P.O. tomorrow.
387
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,269
You know what that is, right?
388
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,520
Um...
389
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,814
Moe, we love your whiskey,
we love your backstory,
390
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:05,774
and we love that suit
that hangs off you
391
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:06,942
like silk on a skeleton.
392
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,819
So, starting tomorrow,
we're gonna sell shares
393
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,487
in your company to the public.
394
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,906
All you do is show up
at the stock exchange,
395
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,367
ring the bell,
and you'll leave a rich man.
396
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,369
-(elevator bell dings)
-We'll see you tomorrow.
397
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,747
Enjoy your last night as a Democrat.
398
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,042
Dang it, my suit's stuck in the door.
399
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,378
No, no, no!
400
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,547
This building's got 98 floors!
401
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,466
And I'm going down to P-6!
402
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,842
P-6!
403
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,474
(knocking)
404
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,437
Moe?
405
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,855
What are you doing?
406
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:47,441
Midge, uh, the suit
got a little mussed up.
407
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:50,277
I-I got to ask you, is it noticeable?
408
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,029
Thank God the kids aren't here.
409
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:53,447
LISA: I was.
410
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,534
Aw, without my magic suit, I'm nothing.
411
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,661
The suit wasn't magic, Moe.
412
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,039
Don't you know the story
of Dumbo the elephant?
413
00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:04,249
I didn't go to movies as a kid.
414
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,627
Spent all my time
at the pierogi factory.
415
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,837
Dab the potato, fold the dough.
416
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,756
That was my Star Wars.
417
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,759
Well, Dumbo had a magic feather.
418
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,886
He thought he needed it to fly,
419
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,888
but it turned out the magic was
420
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,932
in him the whole time.
421
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:22,226
So you're saying Moe is Dumbo,
422
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,019
his bourbon is the giant ears,
423
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,147
and we're that flock of racist crows?
424
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,526
The crows weren't racist,
the people who drew them were.
425
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,069
Okay, I get it, I get it.
426
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,696
It wasn't the suit that made
the bourbon, it was me.
427
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,241
-And I can do anything.
-Don't stand up!
428
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,367
Except stand up.
429
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,618
BART: Grampa,
430
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,120
I made your favorite dinner:
431
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,163
teething biscuits soaked in buttermilk.
432
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,876
(singing "The Blue Danube" waltz)
433
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,505
Oh! Oh! The pain!
434
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,924
(grunting)
435
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,760
You're completely fine!
I've been taking care of you,
436
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,096
giving you love and attention
for nothing!
437
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,014
All right, boy, I admit it.
438
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,726
I've been faking being hurt,
just like I fake
439
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,272
liking those terrible homemade
Christmas gifts you give.
440
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,440
But Mom said it was a gift
made with love.
441
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,692
Did she?
442
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:14,194
No. Even she thought it was crap.
443
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,363
But what you did wasn't for nothing.
444
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,782
It was the best two weeks
445
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,535
of this final horrible part of my life.
446
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:25,080
Well, you are the first thing
I took care of that didn't die.
447
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,041
(chuckles)
Oh, I hear that a lot.
448
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,336
Hey-ya, guys.
449
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,380
Security, there's
a homeless monster up here!
450
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,299
Hey-hey-hey,
I'm your partner, Moe.
451
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,594
N-Now,
let's go make us a fortune, huh?
452
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,470
-(bell tolling)
-(all gasp)
453
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:45,058
Look!
It's Quasimodo without the pathos!
454
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:47,686
People, please, please.
My name is Moe Szyslak
455
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:51,315
of Makers Moe Bourbon,
ticker symbol: M-O-E.
456
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:54,276
I'm the CEO, and I promise
that I will hand-brew
457
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,279
every bottle
with these very hands, huh?
458
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,740
I-I'll supervise production,
I'll manage marketing.
459
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,284
My face is gonna be on every bottle!
460
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:06,413
And we will only use the finest
ingredients made in America.
461
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:07,831
(booing, clamoring)
462
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:12,336
Glad you're back, Moe.
463
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,172
At least I don't have
to train a new bartender
464
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:18,592
to make what I like--
beer to the top.
465
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:21,345
(humming)
466
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,721
(sighs)
467
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,698
Not today, old friend.
468
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:45,452
But don't worry, holidays
are just around the corner.
469
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
470
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay