1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,214 -CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -Whoa! 2 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,052 (sneezes) 3 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,433 HOMER: Hmm? 4 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,854 Our first anniversary. 5 00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,314 And we're more in love than ever. 6 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,443 In your face, people who said it wouldn't last a year! 7 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,820 I stand by my wedding toast. 8 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,448 Let's just enjoy our happiness, Homie. 9 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,450 Accidental motherhood is the greatest thing 10 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,993 that can happen to a woman. 11 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:38,580 And I think Bart's finally outgrown his misbehavior. 12 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,789 (Homer shrieks) 13 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,125 (shrieks) 14 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:44,544 (grunting) 15 00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,254 (pop) 16 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,631 {\an8}Oops, better clean that off. 17 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,051 {\an8}(humming) 18 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,846 {\an8}You have a great day, ma'am. 19 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,514 {\an8}(sighs) 20 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,059 {\an8}Wish I could get a little of that attention. 21 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,937 {\an8}D'oh! 22 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,356 {\an8}Hey, Simpsons. Don't mean to be a pesto, 23 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,275 {\an8}but I'll be happy to watch your scampi shrimp. 24 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,569 {\an8}Aw, thanks, Flanders. 25 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:11,237 {\an8}Got to warn you, he doesn't talk much. 26 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,363 {\an8}Daddy. 27 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:14,365 {\an8}(groans) He's not your daddy. 28 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,909 {\an8}Nice daddy. 29 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:17,660 {\an8}Moustache daddy. 30 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,496 {\an8}Good daddy no yell. 31 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,748 {\an8}-(grunts) -Fat daddy smell like beer. 32 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:25,085 {\an8}I'll teach you to speak in complete sentences. 33 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,588 {\an8}But first, m'lady, let me escort you to Heaven. 34 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,299 {\an8}The fancy Swiss chocolate store on level three. 35 00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:32,342 {\an8}Oh... 36 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:36,679 {\an8}Oh, Homer, you're the anchor store of my heart. 37 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,890 {\an8}Just call me Borders Books, 38 00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:41,267 {\an8}'cause I'll always be here. 39 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,937 {\an8}(theme from Love Story playing) 40 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:53,196 {\an8}Haw haw! 41 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,948 {\an8}His first word. 42 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:15,552 {\an8}Oh, Homie, what a wonderful anniversary. 43 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,972 {\an8}Yep, we've got something money can't buy. 44 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,515 {\an8}Love on a train. 45 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:22,767 {\an8}And I promise each anniversary 46 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,727 {\an8}will be better and better. 47 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,187 {\an8}Oh. 48 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,773 {\an8}They have to get off and get back on. 49 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,568 {\an8}Sometimes you have to say to hell with rules. 50 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,695 {\an8}(grunting) 51 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,658 {\an8}But somehow our anniversaries didn't get better 52 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,201 {\an8}than that first one on the train. 53 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,872 {\an8}Wait, you named me after a train? 54 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,124 {\an8}Yeah, just like we did with Bart. 55 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,126 {\an8}Anyway, this year, I'm gonna re-create 56 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,378 {\an8}our magical first anniversary, 57 00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:53,047 {\an8}ending with a romantic ride on that... (gasps) 58 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,134 {\an8}Why are you taking away the train? 59 00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:58,303 {\an8}I'm afraid no one rides it anymore 60 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,805 {\an8}despite millions in government subsidies. 61 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:03,057 {\an8}So we're replacing it with something that makes money 62 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,310 {\an8}and sends people to the food court. 63 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,729 {\an8}Step right up. Medical marijuana. 64 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:11,274 {\an8}You got nausea, my friend? Everyone's got nausea. 65 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,735 {\an8}And what is your malady, my son? 66 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,487 {\an8}Uh, I had one, but I forgot it. 67 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,947 {\an8}Memory loss! 68 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,616 {\an8}Could be a brain tumor. 69 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,910 {\an8}Take this and go see Fantasia. 70 00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,453 {\an8}(Homer moaning sadly) 71 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:26,372 {\an8}Kids, I've only had three great ideas-- 72 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,834 {\an8}marrying your mother, using a hot dog as a straw 73 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,212 {\an8}and this romantic train ride anniversary. 74 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,297 {\an8}Sir, I need this train. 75 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,882 {\an8}Eh, take it home. It's yours. 76 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,051 {\an8}Are you sure Mom is really gonna want 77 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,802 {\an8}a rusted-out kiddie train? 78 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,429 {\an8}She won't see it like this. 79 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,181 {\an8}I'll make this train look as beautiful 80 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,391 {\an8}as it did when this mall was young. 81 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,811 {\an8}Aw, Dad, I just got a little twinge in my heart. 82 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,897 {\an8}-Try this. -You stay away from my kids 83 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,732 {\an8}unless you're driving them to school! 84 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,401 {\an8}So, I'm not babysitting tomorrow night? 85 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,070 Oh, we're still on for tomorrow night. 86 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:03,076 Dad, do we have to ride like this? 87 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,663 Hey, what could be cooler than a choo-choo with lollipops on it? 88 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,708 Hey, babies-- where you going in your baby train? 89 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,252 Babytown? 90 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:15,088 Shake it off, kids-- they're just jealous. 91 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,632 Hey, lardo, where you going in your lardo car? 92 00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:18,925 Lardville? 93 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,343 There's no such place! 94 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,136 (laughing) 95 00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:26,474 Okay. I've entered my billing address, 96 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:29,102 expiration date... and charged. 97 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,187 We're back from "Baby Beethovens." 98 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,107 (playing Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik") 99 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,025 That's Mozart, dummy. 100 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,320 Well, thanks for watching Maggie. 101 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,614 I just ordered Homer's anniversary gift. 102 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,241 Must be tough. 103 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,660 Yeah, what size cuff links do you get an elephant? 104 00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:48,871 Well, in the first place, the elephant's cuff links 105 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,290 would be the same size. 106 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,916 It's the cuffs that would be bigger. 107 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,377 As for Homer, I'm getting him a case 108 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,170 of his favorite snack cakes, Dolly Madison. 109 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,756 Marge, this isn't Dolly Madison. 110 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,134 It's Sassy Madison. 111 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:04,095 Trust me, Homer doesn't care where the cupcakes come from. 112 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:08,099 Sassy Madison is a dating site for married people 113 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,768 who are tired of the same old dessert. 114 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,104 (gasps) 115 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,692 Check out their webvertisement. 116 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:23,948 ♪ Kelly was at the end of her wits ♪ 117 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:27,785 ♪ Her husband was truly the pits ♪ 118 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,580 ♪ Her relationship spousal ♪ 119 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,206 ♪ Had zero arousal ♪ 120 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,292 ♪ Then she watched this commercial ♪ 121 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,711 ♪ And found herself Herschel ♪ 122 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:41,049 ♪ Thanks to Sassy Madison.com ♪ 123 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,717 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Sassy Madison.com. 124 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,011 It's not cheating if you don't know the person well. 125 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:48,473 I just put all my personal information on their Web site. 126 00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:51,768 So now you're gonna get hit on by every loser in town. 127 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:56,314 And this town's got losers like Mexico has headless corpses. 128 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,234 So many unhappy men. 129 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:01,986 How sad. 130 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,905 You've got a lot of fish wriggling in that net. 131 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:06,657 Maybe I should get married so I can date these guys. 132 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,951 Selma, cheating is a sin. 133 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:12,205 As much a sin as not replying to an instant message. 134 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,748 So, if you'll excuse me, 135 00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:17,502 I've got a lot of sleazy gentlemen to let down gently. 136 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:18,836 (Sassy Madison commercial jingle playing) 137 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,338 Are you watching the commercial again? 138 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,423 I'm a fan of animation. 139 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,925 LOVEJOY: Oh, Lord, 140 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,594 may thy couplings stay forever locked, 141 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:30,014 and may thy dead man switch never be used. 142 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,349 ALL: Amen. 143 00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,975 All right, guys, let's get this train 144 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,477 fixed up for Homer's anniversary. 145 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,729 But first, start your power tools. 146 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,403 (laughs) 147 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,657 {\an8}(sighs) One more to go, and I'm done. 148 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,826 "Dear Horny in Haverbrook: 149 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,786 Sorry. I'm not interested 150 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,704 in cheating on my wonderful husband, 151 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,165 who is described in the attached PDF. 152 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,418 Say hello to my trash folder. 153 00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,919 Marge Simpson." 154 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,214 Hi, Homie! 155 00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:07,218 A crazy thing happened when I was ordering your anniversary gift. 156 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,804 HOMER: Don't blow the surprise. Pretend you forgot. 157 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:12,473 Uh, anniversary? That coming up? 158 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,475 Yes, and it's a big one. 159 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,810 Remember? 160 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:18,938 Marge, I am focused on this like a laser. 161 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,398 (laughs) "Laser." 162 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,858 That's a funny word. 163 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,609 It's just "loser" with an "A." 164 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,279 And speaking of losers, I lost my train of thought. 165 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:29,073 Oh, and speaking of trains, wait till you see... 166 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:32,076 (shrieks) The surprise is safe. 167 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,996 The expression on her face will be priceless. 168 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:38,666 (groans) He forgot our anniversary again? 169 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:42,295 He remembers the exact number of pork chops in the freezer. 170 00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,088 Currently-- zero. 171 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,715 (humming happily) 172 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,175 -(computer chimes) -(groans) 173 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,802 One of those cyber smoochers wrote me back. 174 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,055 {\an8}MAN: Thanks for your note. You seem way too nice for this site. 175 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,475 {\an8}-Why are you here? -Good question. 176 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,227 "I thought I was buying snack cakes." 177 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,105 {\an8}That's so cute. Really, really cute. 178 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,149 {\an8}You... you are over 18, right? 179 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,526 "I am, and you seem more interested 180 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,445 in my day than my husband." 181 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,906 {\an8}I know what it's like not to be listened to. 182 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,074 {\an8}Please ignore every sensible instinct you have 183 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,367 {\an8}and continue this conversation. 184 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,454 {\an8}And by the way, this is my real voice. 185 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,456 (phone rings) 186 00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:19,957 HOMER: Don't worry, Moe. 187 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,460 When Marge is asleep, I'll sneak back. 188 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:24,545 Oh, good, the strippers are here. 189 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,715 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah! That is all coming off. 190 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:29,675 (groans) 191 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,304 "Tell me more." 192 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,769 (groans) 193 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,896 Homie, I bet you're wondering 194 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,274 why I stayed on the computer until 4:00 a.m. 195 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,360 Hey, those Yelp reviews don't write themselves. 196 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,987 Did you know a well-placed one star can destroy 197 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,114 a mom-and-pop hardware in nothing flat? 198 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,117 Listen, I want us to be honest with each other. 199 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,994 HOMER: Uh-oh. If you're honest, 200 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,704 you'll have to tell her about the train. 201 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,289 Huh? What train? 202 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,791 How stupid are you? 203 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,960 Hey, thinking is your department, jerk. 204 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,045 That's what I pay you in beer for. 205 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:07,964 Just for that, I'm not gonna help you. 206 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,966 What? Where are you going, you...? (grumbles) 207 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,133 Oh! 208 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,510 Um, Marge, I have to go. 209 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,887 What? Now? Why? 210 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,557 (shrieks) 211 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,683 (door slams) 212 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,602 (phone dings) 213 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,232 He's writing me again. 214 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,776 Better put a stop to this. 215 00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:30,152 (phone dings nearby) 216 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,238 Is that him getting the text? 217 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,074 (phone dings nearby) 218 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,325 He's in the market. 219 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,828 We might have squeezed the same tomatoes. 220 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,621 Are you Marge? 221 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,040 Ooh, I'm going to hell. 222 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,167 I'm sorry. I didn't even know you were here. 223 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,545 What a crazy coincidence that you buy food, too. 224 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,798 Gee, I thought you'd be some kind of creep. 225 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,467 But you're actually a perfectly normal-looking... 226 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,220 Whoa! "A" is for "apple," right? 227 00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:59,557 Okay. I'll-I'll just be going. 228 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,310 Wait, wait, wait! Let me get the stain out. 229 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,811 But not here. 230 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,232 I know a place where no one in town will see us. 231 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,652 (wind whistling) 232 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,904 (grunts) There you go. 233 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,031 Good as new. 234 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,866 Now, let me at least buy you a coffee, 235 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,285 or dare I say a Danish? 236 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,872 -No Danishes! -Sorry. I go to pastry way too fast. 237 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,707 I want to be very clear. 238 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,417 I'm a happily married woman. 239 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,210 Going on ten years. 240 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,129 The aluminum anniversary. 241 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:34,133 Nothing turns leftovers into swans like aluminum. 242 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,510 MARGE: What the heck am I saying? 243 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:39,930 Homer's probably at that bar right now, getting hammered. 244 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,182 (yells) 245 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,642 All worth it for Marge. 246 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,477 Marge, you are terrific. 247 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:48,272 I am so glad I reset my distance filter from 15 to 25 miles. 248 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,734 -Mmm... -Your Homer is the luckiest man on earth. 249 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,903 Well, he keeps falling down a cliff and living, 250 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,529 so I guess that's true. 251 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,491 The only time my wife and I talk is when I apologize. 252 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,701 (posh English accent) "Life's an infernal muddle," 253 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,245 as Mr. Drake says on Upton Rectory. 254 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,332 Ooh, I love that show. 255 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,750 Isn't it great? 256 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,710 Finally, a reason to watch TV on Sundays. 257 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,879 Such great characters, 258 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:14,173 like Buxton, the scheming larder-keep. 259 00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:18,177 Why can't Lady Cavendish see he's pilfering the aspic? 260 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,637 (shudders) 261 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,514 Uh, does... does Homer watch? 262 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:24,725 He says shows set during World War I are too sad. 263 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,269 Particularly how everyone's always climbing stairs. 264 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,605 You are watching the season finale this week, right? 265 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,274 Yeah. Alone, I'm sure. 266 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,277 Well, we could, uh... live blog it. 267 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,530 Save that sugar for your coffee, bub. 268 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,661 ♪ I've been working on the railroad... ♪ 269 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,121 Why are you singing that? 270 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,747 Because it's in the public domain. 271 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,166 -(phone rings) -Hello! 272 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,335 It's Moe from Moe's Tavern. 273 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,504 Oh, uh, I'd better take this. 274 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,715 You see, Moe's been depressed and needs 275 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,300 to hear a friendly voice. (chuckles) 276 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,429 Why the hell are you calling me at home, you moron?! 277 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,682 Lovejoy went to get a hamburger, and the whole thing fell apart! 278 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,350 I'm getting cooked like a cabbage. 279 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,018 Then keep quiet like a cabbage! 280 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,354 All right, all right, I'll be right there. 281 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,232 (humming "I've Been Working on the Railroad") 282 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,694 (groans) 283 00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:27,204 Is it me, or did this house just get classy? 284 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,248 (laughing and grunting) 285 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,252 Mom, Lisa made me break a lamp. 286 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:37,256 Mom, Bart's twisting facts in an Orwellian fashion. 287 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,216 Can I have one hour of grown-up time 288 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,510 where you two aren't tattling on each other 289 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,387 or using obscure references? 290 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,055 Orwell, obscure? 291 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,849 The author of Animal Farm? 292 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,267 Grampa says he was a Commie. 293 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,602 No tattling! 294 00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,446 ANNOUNCER: Upton Rectory is made possible by a sizeable endowment 295 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,198 from Hooters Restaurants, 296 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,242 and a generous grant from a man named Generous Grant. 297 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,912 (phone rings) 298 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,583 Are you watching it? 299 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,586 No, I can't. My wife's watching a reality show 300 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,505 about a man who repossesses zoo animals. 301 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,548 Come on, Taser that flamingo! 302 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,841 (electrical buzzing, flamingo shrieking) 303 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,844 Can't believe I'm missing the finale. 304 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,514 Hmm... Maybe I can help. 305 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,432 Bless it all, Polly, I love you! 306 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,686 And we shall be wed by Boxing Day Eve, aka Christmas. 307 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,980 But Lord Upton has forbidden it, on the grounds 308 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,024 that he once saw me exchange pleasantries 309 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,109 with the Egyptian riding master. 310 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,153 Can you follow everything okay? 311 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,823 I guess sometimes you just don't end up 312 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,991 with the person you're supposed to. 313 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,494 Marge, can I use your free Amazon shipping? 314 00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:50,037 Not a good time! 315 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,539 I know your password! 316 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,209 Drake, Polly, perhaps I was too hasty. 317 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,877 (gasping) 318 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,546 Love should flower, 319 00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:02,591 even an ill-advised alliance between a coarse Irish maid 320 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,886 and a man who once served me soup from the wrong side. 321 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,556 He hasn't been the same since the war, Lord Upton. 322 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,974 Hush, Polly. 323 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,476 Whom you marry is none of your concern. 324 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,145 I have something to say. 325 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,565 The dowager grandmum! 326 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,775 I'm afraid you cannot marry... 327 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,236 without a proper ring. 328 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,823 Take mine-- the Star of Bombay. 329 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,033 Once again, India is denuded 330 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,369 of her treasure by the imperialist devils. 331 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,745 Why do we watch this show? 332 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,497 Because I like the costumes! 333 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,791 (elegant classical music plays) 334 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,961 (both sigh) 335 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,421 I've never felt so flushed 336 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,506 after watching public television. 337 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,259 Maybe sometime we could... watch it in the same room. 338 00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,261 -Chat room? -Room room. 339 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,846 Show's over! 340 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,098 (sighs) That turned ultra-steamy in a jiff. 341 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,808 I can still hear you. 342 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,184 (screams) 343 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,228 I can still hear you. 344 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,856 (screams) 345 00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,362 -(grunts) -(door opens) 346 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,448 -Happy anniversary, Mom! -Happy anniversary, Mom! 347 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,783 Our gift is us! 348 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,620 Three kids with no money, but plenty of love! 349 00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,539 -(noisemaker blares) -(gasps) That's great. 350 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,250 I wonder what surprise your father has in store. 351 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,879 (Homer yelling and groaning) 352 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,631 HOMER: Boy, oh, boy! 353 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:26,717 Oh, Marge, I threw my back out! 354 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,054 Can you please refill this prescription right away? 355 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,222 (sighs) Where's it from? 356 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,142 It's in Drugtown... not the nice part. 357 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,479 That'll take hours! On our anniversary! 358 00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:41,732 And what better way to spend it than commemorating 359 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:45,027 the glorious words you spoke ten years ago: 360 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,278 "for worse." Oh! 361 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,947 -Oh! -Ow! 362 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,073 (groans) 363 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,491 Ooh! 364 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,951 (groans) 365 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,243 (moaning) 366 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,745 -(groans) -(chuckles) 367 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,956 Hmm. 368 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,457 (chuckling) 369 00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,416 It's working. 370 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:04,088 She's gone. All right, everyone, magically appear. 371 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,972 Wow, Moe, great shrub costume. 372 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,975 Yeah. I sell 'em on the Internet for like-minded people. 373 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,935 Now, let's lay some track. 374 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,812 You guys are the best. 375 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,397 I just want you to know 376 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,899 when I'm holding Marge in my arms tonight, 377 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,193 I'll be thinking of all of you. 378 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,445 (all cheer, then groan) 379 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,490 (dog howling) 380 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,783 When does it get better? 381 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,410 When he's 800 pounds and has to be 382 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,911 cut out of the house to go to a movie? 383 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:41,000 I lost my cleaning stick in my belly fat. 384 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,292 But I found a kitten. 385 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,794 (meows) 386 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,796 That is so sweet. 387 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,840 There I go again, settling. 388 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,384 Marge, run off with me. Bring your kid. 389 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:51,927 I have three kids. 390 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,638 Whoa, you really went all in with this guy, didn't you? 391 00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,473 Get out of my head. 392 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,976 I guess this is good-bye, then. 393 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,481 ♪ Someday ♪ 394 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:08,402 ♪ When I'm awfully low ♪ 395 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:11,238 ♪ When the world is cold... ♪ 396 00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,866 -I said no! -Fine. Sorry. 397 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:20,205 ♪ Just thinking of you, Marge ♪ 398 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,709 ♪ And the way you look tonight ♪ 399 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,920 The Nelson Riddle Orchestra! 400 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,630 Leave me alone! 401 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,965 Fine. 402 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,801 Sorry, guys, you're dead again. 403 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,850 I'm gonna do what I've done at every key point of my life: 404 00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:41,643 suck it in and smile. 405 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,312 (grunts) 406 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:46,732 There goes a woman who's unhappy with her partner. 407 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,525 Yeah, I know how she feels. 408 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,777 Yeah. What was that? 409 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,361 (chuckles) 410 00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,036 (train whistle blows) 411 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,954 What the...? 412 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,123 Happy anniversary! 413 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,375 (gasps) Oh, my God. 414 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,377 Our train. 415 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,213 {\an8}Homie, you do care. 416 00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:10,964 {\an8}You care a lot. 417 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,675 {\an8}What a wonderful anniversary. 418 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,386 {\an8}Do you think we'll last 25 years? 419 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,721 Nothing should. 420 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,310 Trains... they can fix every marriage. 421 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,312 (phone dings) 422 00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:26,772 What the...? 423 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:30,359 Ugh. Happy moment derailed by the Bipolar Express. 424 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,444 (chuckles) None of you heard that. 425 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,030 ALL: Happy anniversary! 426 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,865 Where is she? 427 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,951 Where the hell is Marge Simpson? 428 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,912 Ramona, please! When you asked me who she was and where she lived, 429 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,872 I never dreamed you'd go confront her! 430 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,208 Mmm, I'm Marge Simpson. 431 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,002 So... you're the kind of man-eater 432 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,130 Hall and Oates warned us all about. 433 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,132 Hall and Oates? What's going on here? 434 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,800 Your wife and my husband 435 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,302 have been watching British TV together! 436 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,555 Costume drama or naughty comedy? 437 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,014 Drama! Drama! 438 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,476 You just dodged a bullet, Mr. Sugarpants. 439 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,229 Ben, Ramona, I want to tell you something 440 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,439 I've learned over ten years of marriage. 441 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,693 The secret is: no secrets, 442 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,112 except good secrets like this train. 443 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,780 (indistinct chatter) 444 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,448 My only secrets are: 445 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:21,743 my marathon time isn't 4:26; it's never, 446 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,873 I often go online to see how Lindsay Wagner's looking now-- fabulous-- 447 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,877 and I once pushed a kid off a swing and he broke his wrist or something. 448 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,589 But it's no secret how much I love my Margie. 449 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,883 -Mmm... -Mmm... 450 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,886 Look at them, coochie-cooing like that time 451 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,346 our connecting flight was delayed and we got drunk 452 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,390 and friendly in the Admiral's Club. 453 00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:46,101 That was you? I mean, it-it was wonderful. 454 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,145 And you're fighting for me. 455 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,397 Maybe that means you still care. 456 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,732 Of course I do. 457 00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,193 Now, let's go home and spend a romantic night 458 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,570 looking through your computer's browsing history. 459 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,281 That exists? Oh, boy. 460 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:02,743 Honey, just what was going on with you and that guy? 461 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:05,746 Well... (clears throat) I was trying to buy you snack cakes... 462 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,706 Oh, baby, that's all I needed to hear. 463 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:08,999 (moaning) 464 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:11,835 (classical music playing) 465 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,432 How did we get here? 466 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:36,401 {\an8}WOMAN: ♪ Marge was feeling lonely and bored ♪ 467 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,780 {\an8}♪ Every night she was ignored ♪ 468 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:42,157 {\an8}HOMER: ♪ But when Marge went boo-hoo ♪ 469 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,202 {\an8}♪ I was building a choo-choo ♪ 470 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,287 {\an8}HOMER and MARGE: ♪ And love conquered all ♪ 471 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,873 {\an8}♪ With a train from the mall ♪ 472 00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,625 {\an8}(train whistle blows) 473 00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:56,797 {\an8}WOMAN: ♪ So that very same night ♪ 474 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,300 {\an8}♪ Ben went back on the site ♪ 475 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:04,805 {\an8}♪ And he lined up a date with Selma_B_88 ♪ 476 00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,682 {\an8}♪ She said that she's smokin' ♪ 477 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,976 {\an8}♪ And I wasn't jokin' ♪ 478 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,644 {\an8}(screams) 479 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,312 {\an8}♪ Find love on the net ♪ 480 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,731 {\an8}♪ You deserve what you get ♪ 481 00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:18,110 {\an8}♪ Three awesome kids and a life of regret ♪ 482 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:19,945 {\an8}(groans) 483 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,780 {\an8}And now it's time for Grampa's song! 484 00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:24,283 {\an8}♪ Down by the old ♪ 485 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:28,203 {\an8}♪ Not the new, but the old, mill stream ♪ 486 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,080 {\an8}♪ Not the river, but the stream ♪ 487 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:33,083 {\an8}♪ Where I first-- not the second or the... ♪ 488 00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,626 Shh! 489 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay