1
00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,297
(Bart laughs)

2
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,636
(exclaiming)

3
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,852
(school bell ringing)

4
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney burps)

5
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,356
(tires screeching)

6
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,109
D'oh!

7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,235
(tires screech)

8
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,903
Not again!

9
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,823
(gentle classical music playing)

10
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,937
{\an8}Now, I, Bart Simpson,

11
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,690
{\an8}shall send the first coaster
down the track.

12
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,775
{\an8}Hmm.

13
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,570
{\an8}<i>(Milhouse grunts)</i>

14
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,782
{\an8}<i>(gasping)</i>

15
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,913
{\an8}No, for once,
I want to go first.

16
00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:22,874
{\an8}But, Milhouse, I already
let you push me on the swings.

17
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,251
{\an8}And it's an honor,
but I'm doing this.

18
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,128
{\an8}Ow! Knock it off, Milhouse!

19
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,379
{\an8}(grunting)

20
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,382
{\an8}(yells)
Eat safety bar!

21
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,802
{\an8}(muffled)
Why are we best friends?

22
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,429
{\an8}Because your seat
was behind mine!

23
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,098
{\an8}(both grunting)

24
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,183
{\an8}(groans)

25
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,687
{\an8}(both crying)

26
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,148
{\an8}Feels like this playdate's
gone on forever.

27
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,483
{\an8}I'll handle this.

28
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,945
{\an8}"Dear Weirdo,
pick up weirdo kid."

29
00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,988
{\an8}And send. Aah!

30
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,990
{\an8}(gasps)
Did you eat a peanut?

31
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,243
{\an8}No, I just sniffed a nectarine.

32
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,619
{\an8}It's okay.

33
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,579
{\an8}I can breathe
through my tear ducts.

34
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:04,666
{\an8}(whistling)

35
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:05,959
{\an8}Tell me if this gets annoying.

36
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:08,044
{\an8}(whistling continues)

37
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,464
{\an8}I think I'm gonna throw up
the mac and cheese you fed me.

38
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,924
{\an8}I'm not supposed to have it.

39
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:15,301
{\an8}That's why I had so much.

40
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,719
{\an8}HOMER:
What the...?!

41
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,681
{\an8}If this kid's dad
isn't here in one second,

42
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:22,225
{\an8}he's going in the garbage can.

43
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,810
{\an8}(car honks)

44
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,395
{\an8}Hey, guys!

45
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:28,148
{\an8}Who wants a whiff
of New Kirk Smell?

46
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,357
{\an8}"YOLO"?

47
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,109
{\an8}You Only Live Once.

48
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,278
{\an8}Once again, cats have it better.

49
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,779
{\an8}Kirk Van Houten.

50
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,574
{\an8}I hope you're not having
a midlife crisis.

51
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,701
{\an8}Please.
Just 'cause I bought a new car,

52
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,161
{\an8}lost a little weight,

53
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,996
{\an8}and started taking a DJ class,

54
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,582
{\an8}everyone thinks
I'm having a midlife crisis.

55
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,501
{\an8}Dad! You got me a skateboard?

56
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,794
{\an8}It's for me.
Now get in the back.

57
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,254
{\an8}And while you're there,

58
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,298
{\an8}use this cream
to massage the leather.

59
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:56,009
{\an8}(leather squeaking)

60
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,636
{\an8}To the tooth-whitening kiosk!

61
00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,846
{\an8}(laughing)

62
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:03,141
{\an8}I'm sorry, but does Kirk
know how silly he looks?

63
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,559
{\an8}Look at me!

64
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,228
{\an8}I'm afraid of dying.
(laughs)

65
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,521
{\an8}Oh, Homie.

66
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,356
{\an8}I'm so glad you're happy

67
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,817
{\an8}with your life just the way it is.

68
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,445
{\an8}You've had the same job,
same car,

69
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,239
{\an8}same house for 20 years.

70
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,533
{\an8}And that's all you'll ever have.

71
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,369
{\an8}A cycle you'll never ever,

72
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,496
{\an8}ever, ever, ever,

73
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,415
{\an8}ever change.

74
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,584
{\an8}And you're okay with it!

75
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:34,088
{\an8}Like I say night after night

76
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,965
{\an8}after night...

77
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,800
{\an8}nighty-night.

78
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,262
{\an8}(birds chirping)

79
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,849
{\an8}Kent Brockman
is here for your interview.

80
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,280
<i>♪ ♪</i>

81
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,951
{\an8}So, Kent, what brings you here?

82
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,328
{\an8}The miraculous tale
of how we lost, then found,

83
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,205
{\an8}our Lost and Found box?

84
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,040
{\an8}Actually, Principal Skinner,
I'm here to talk

85
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,125
{\an8}about something else... cheating!

86
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,335
{\an8}(chuckles)

87
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,295
{\an8}I thought this was a puff piece.

88
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,546
{\an8}You're wearing a sweater.

89
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,091
{\an8}This journalism just turned...

90
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,884
{\an8}-gotcha!
-(gasps)

91
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,095
{\an8}That's right,
Channel 6 will uncover the truth

92
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,722
{\an8}in a five-part series
two minutes a day.

93
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,308
{\an8}People, make room for your local
Emmy nomination certificates.

94
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,060
{\an8}No, do not make room.

95
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,478
Except for Mr. Largo
and his diet,

96
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,063
there's no cheating
in this school.

97
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,398
These 30 identical

98
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:36,234
"What I Did This Summer"
essays say different.

99
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,568
Um...

100
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:46,327
Myra,
don't I have another appointment?

101
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,205
<i>Oh, this is your first appointment ever.</i>

102
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,416
Let's take a look at this monitor.

103
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:57,672
<i>This school is more corrupt</i>
<i>than the Italian parliament.</i>

104
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,382
<i>If these children are our future,</i>

105
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,719
<i>then I, for one, do not want to live.</i>

106
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,518
<i>(quietly)</i>
<i>Haw-haw.</i>

107
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,521
Please don't air this.

108
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,898
I'll tell you the winners
of the kickball games in advance.

109
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,192
You can make a lot of cabbage
betting on K-ball.

110
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,902
And that's what we'll end
the story with.

111
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,779
No!

112
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,114
This is Kent Brockman.

113
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,325
Pleased with himself.

114
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:30,496
<i>FEMALE SINGER:</i>
<i>♪ You only live once ♪</i>

115
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:35,084
<i>♪ Or so it seems ♪</i>

116
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,087
<i>♪ No life for yourself ♪</i>

117
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:42,383
<i>♪ And none for your dreams ♪</i>

118
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:46,137
<i>♪ You work ♪</i>

119
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,931
<i>♪ Every day ♪</i>

120
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:54,270
<i>♪ At a job so lame ♪</i>

121
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,190
<i>♪ And every night ♪</i>

122
00:05:57,273 --> 00:06:01,444
<i>♪ The ending's the same ♪</i>

123
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,280
<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>♪ No dream will come true ♪</i>

124
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,907
<i>♪ You only ♪</i>

125
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:10,036
<i>♪ Live once ♪</i>

126
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,412
(deep breath)

127
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,123
(crying to the tune
of "You Only Live Twice")

128
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,796
(higher-pitched crying)

129
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,881
Yeah, well, at least you
got your health, huh?

130
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,300
Now let's see if I can
take that away from you.

131
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,886
Pure poison.

132
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,806
(groans)
I'm tired of living once.

133
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,766
I can't believe I'm saying this,

134
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:34,310
but I'm starting
to regret saying "YOLO."

135
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,562
Marge, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna quit complaining

136
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:40,358
about my life
and start wallowing in the past.

137
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,860
Postage, marked in pesetas?

138
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,278
Who are those letters from?

139
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,197
My old pen pal from Spain.

140
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,824
-Eduardo.
-Hmm.

141
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,242
Back in fifth grade,
you either had to write

142
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,119
to a foreigner or a prisoner.

143
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,578
I picked a foreigner
because the prisoners

144
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,455
wrote back too fast.

145
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,708
We'd write each other
with our dreams of the future.

146
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,044
I was gonna be
King of Cheeseburger Mountain.

147
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:01,796
(sighs)

148
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,464
Did I change or did they stop

149
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,925
making mountains
out of cheeseburgers?

150
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,719
Probably a little bit of both.

151
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,139
So sad.

152
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,893
(indistinct chatter)

153
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,979
(overlapping chatter)

154
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,814
What kind of moral example

155
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:22,567
is this dump for my boy?

156
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,943
(burps)

157
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,111
(crowd clamoring)

158
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:27,113
Please, calm down, everyone.

159
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:28,990
You know, maybe
this so-called cheating scandal

160
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,492
is actually an opportunity to, uh...

161
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:34,203
(clears throat)
...initiate a-a dialogue

162
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,498
that would, uh,
create a teachable moment.

163
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:41,669
Uh, something... something...
buzz word...

164
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,588
I got nothing.

165
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,548
Quick,
get a picture for the yearbook!

166
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:46,716
(crowd clamoring)

167
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,135
LISA:
I have a solution!

168
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:52,388
You took your sweet time
coming to our rescue, Lisa.

169
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,348
Maybe the best way
to keep students from cheating

170
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,809
is to trust them not to cheat.

171
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,478
(crowd murmuring)

172
00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,729
That's it?
That's all you've got?

173
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,106
Something I can read
on a tea box?

174
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,776
What I'm suggesting
is we create an honor code.

175
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,196
Oh, swell,
more work for the teachers.

176
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,614
The students would do it.

177
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,115
Let her speak!

178
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,784
If every student pledges not to cheat,

179
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,078
and to turn in any cheater,

180
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,622
no one will cheat the system

181
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,416
because they'll be the system.

182
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,086
ALL (chanting):
Honor code! Honor code!

183
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,130
I did it.

184
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,465
I saved the day.

185
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,800
The same way
I won that battle in Vietnam.

186
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,010
By fainting!

187
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,887
(doorbell rings)

188
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,431
If you're my wife's secret lover,
come in.

189
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,850
There's nothing
I can do for her anymore.

190
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,810
I am looking
for my <i>amigo de la pluma.</i>

191
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,479
Or "pen pal."

192
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:42,980
(gasps) Eduardo?

193
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,065
Is it really you?

194
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,775
Why are you here?

195
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,860
To save the soul
of Homer Simpson.

196
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,737
Now where is he, old man?

197
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,531
I'm Homer Simpson!

198
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,407
<i>¡Ay, dios mio!</i>
What has happened to you?

199
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,993
(speaking in Spanish)

200
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,620
Did your hair burn off in a fire

201
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,122
that trapped you
in a candy factory?

202
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,499
I wish.

203
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,839
Marge Simpson.

204
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,424
It's so nice to meet a friend

205
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,843
Homer met through the mail
who isn't a sea monkey.

206
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,971
Yes, Eduardo Barcelona.

207
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,473
-Or in English, Eddie Miami.
-Homie,

208
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,891
I thought a visit from your old pen pal

209
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,476
would cheer you up.

210
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,395
Ah, how eagerly
I would wait for a letter

211
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:26,023
from the <i>Estados Unidos</i>
and Homer Simpson.

212
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,569
{\an8}<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>"Buenos días, Eduardo.</i>

213
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,697
{\an8}<i>Can you write back</i>
<i>and tell me what that means?"</i>

214
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,574
(chuckles)

215
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,326
What happened to us,
Eduardo?

216
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,954
We had so many things
we were going to do.

217
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,331
And I, my friend,
have been doing them.

218
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,666
Yeah, well, listen, pal.

219
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,543
I have my treasure--

220
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,545
my wife and my children.

221
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,005
Ooh!

222
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,716
I've had eight wives and 200 children!

223
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:55,094
Among them artists,
doctors, and revolutionary chefs.

224
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,554
Do you have a disrespectful son

225
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,306
who calls you by your first name?

226
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,433
I cannot imagine such a creature.

227
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,226
Hey, Homer.
Did you just fart?

228
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,645
Did you just fart, <i>sir.</i>

229
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:05,813
Whatever.

230
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,315
Easy, easy, Homer.

231
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:10,693
I want to help you fulfill
some of your childhood dreams.

232
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,111
Really? Now?

233
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,030
I have two pizzas coming.

234
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,365
I wanted to see
who would get here first.

235
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,701
Now, Homer!
Get your coat.

236
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,286
I asked him here
to cheer you up.

237
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,704
But I didn't think
you'd drop everything

238
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,205
to go gallivanting

239
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,875
with some, no offense, Spaniard.

240
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,461
I promise you one thing,
madam.

241
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,463
When I return your husband,
he will be happy,

242
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,883
bringing a new sense
of adventure to your marriage...

243
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,676
and to the bedroom.

244
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,220
(panting)
I'm not used to strange men

245
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,473
saying the word
"bedroom" around me.

246
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,683
Would you prefer, uh,
<i>"sala de amor"?</i>

247
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,310
That's even worse.

248
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:45,728
Could you say it one more time?

249
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:46,896
<i>Sala de amor.</i>

250
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,565
(gasps) Oh!

251
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:51,984
Hello, children.

252
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,986
I hold before you a copy

253
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,155
of the school's new honor code.

254
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,156
(all groaning)

255
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,449
I know if I can get

256
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,368
the toughest kid in class
to sign it,

257
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,786
the rest of you will sign it.

258
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:02,995
Milhouse?

259
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,834
-(grunts)
-He's not the toughest kid, I am!

260
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,544
Mm-hmm!

261
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,713
Now, the smartest kid.

262
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,340
Milhouse?

263
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,008
He's not the smartest kid.

264
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,053
I am.

265
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,889
Now the class nerd.

266
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,558
Milhouse?

267
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,769
(sighs)
Oh.

268
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,189
(snickers)

269
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,609
Homer, are you prepared
to achieve the dreams

270
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,194
of a ten year old?

271
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,030
I took the liberty of crossing
off the, uh, stupid ones.

272
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,952
Now, this book
of your childhood drawings

273
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,412
will come to life.

274
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,622
Why are you doing this?

275
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,041
Wait, are you in love with me?

276
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,544
In love
with the concept of you, yes.

277
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:55,381
Whoo-hoo! I'm an attractive concept,
like Liberty!

278
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,553
(siren wailing)

279
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:01,637
(tires screech)

280
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,305
One more ride?

281
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,932
All right.

282
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,017
Don't forget to ring the bell.

283
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,686
(bell ringing)

284
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,648
(laughing, grunting)

285
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,275
I'm sick of pirates

286
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,819
off the street ruining my play!

287
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,947
I'm going back to my old career!

288
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,449
Care to see a dessert menu?

289
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,452
We have the best cobbler
since Daniel Day-Lewis.

290
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,792
How much did this cost
to restage?

291
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:35,296
They rented everything
from Comic Book Guy for ten bucks.

292
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,174
Don't stink up the Gorn head.

293
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,135
I need it
for a Bar Mitzvah later.

294
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,470
(birds chirping)

295
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,680
Now don't forget,
this is the first exam

296
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,140
under the new honor code.

297
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,183
They're doing it.

298
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,726
They're self-proctoring.

299
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,061
Can't you say anything
in a normal way?

300
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,315
The answer, sadly, is not yes.

301
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:55,649
(crickets trilling)

302
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,401
I don't know what it is

303
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,236
about having
all my dreams fulfilled,

304
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,197
but I feel great!

305
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,199
Oh, if you're happy, I'm happy.

306
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,325
What?

307
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,743
That doesn't sound happy.

308
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,287
I feel kind of, oh...

309
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,997
melancholy.

310
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,500
Mmm... melon collie.

311
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,751
<i>(barking)</i>

312
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,586
That's not helping.

313
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,047
Well, what was
your childhood dream?

314
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,673
Jumping on the bed.

315
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,467
But I never disobeyed
my parents.

316
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,676
Till I married you.

317
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,428
Let's do it.

318
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,639
Oh, I'm a little tired.

319
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,390
Could we just snuggle again?

320
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,017
We do that every night!

321
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,436
Come on! Jump on the bed!

322
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:36,607
-(Homer giggling)
-Ooh, okay!

323
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,400
(both laughing)

324
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,944
Can I help you, stranger?

325
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,737
I am just watching
my friend and his wife

326
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,782
innocently pleasure
themselves in bed.

327
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:45,741
That sounds salty,

328
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,284
but you seem sweet.

329
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,286
I'm gonna call you Kettle Corn.

330
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,292
Eduardo,
I haven't felt this good in years.

331
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,253
You're like the Tooth Fairy.

332
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,964
Except you don't collect
human bones.

333
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,883
Yes, yes. Of course I don't.

334
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:03,884
Here.

335
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,177
So, that's it?

336
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,721
All my dreams, lived?

337
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,473
Eh... all but one.

338
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,599
Well, we've got to do it!

339
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,643
I never leave a job unfinished.

340
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,395
It's as true now as that week

341
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,188
I worked
on the high school yearbook.

342
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,606
So much infighting.

343
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,149
I had to get out of there.

344
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,986
All right, Homer,
we shall do this thing.

345
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,405
The editor put in, like,
six pictures of this girl

346
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:26,824
'cause she was his girlfriend.

347
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,534
Everyone has a bad yearbook story.

348
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,618
They spelled my name wrong!

349
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,744
Get over it! Ha!

350
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:31,745
D'oh!

351
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,623
(propellers churning)

352
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,542
<i>So don't do what I did.</i>

353
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,878
<i>That concludes our safety video.</i>

354
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,546
(grunts)

355
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,798
Just step out that door

356
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,758
and you can glide to earth

357
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,260
like your boyhood hero...

358
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:49,054
Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

359
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,141
Uh, actually, my hero

360
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,560
was the actress
who provided Rocky's voice,

361
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,270
June Foray.

362
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,772
A true legend
in the voice-over community.

363
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,608
I'm just gonna stay on the plane

364
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,151
and think about her influence.

365
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,569
She has lived her life.

366
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,321
Now, you must live yours.

367
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,156
-No!
-Do not worry!

368
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,241
I will follow the trail of your fear!

369
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,660
-(Homer yells)
<i>-ANNOUNCER: Will Homer make it?</i>

370
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,412
<i>Or will he leave a crater the size</i>

371
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,998
<i>of the one</i>
<i>that destroyed the Yucatan?</i>

372
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,500
<i>Find out in our next</i>
<i>exciting installment:</i>

373
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,835
<i>Fat Splat...</i>

374
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,671
<i>or When You Squish Upon a Car.</i>

375
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,469
Mmm, it's amazing.

376
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:32,181
Every day has the peace
and serenity of a flu outbreak.

377
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:35,476
(laughs) Guess I'll be getting
some extra credit for this.

378
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,186
Lisa, I'm afraid you've gotten

379
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,604
all the extra credit
we can give out.

380
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:41,106
So Willie has been growing you
a nice pumpkin.

381
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,691
Here it is, lass.

382
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,861
You want me to carve it
into a thank-o'-lantern?

383
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,029
No, this is good.

384
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,951
Well, this knife's
got to carve something.

385
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,161
(menacing music playing)

386
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,122
(grunting)

387
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,248
Homer!

388
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,210
You don't have to flap.

389
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,504
Just glide on the wind.

390
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:05,547
Uh, okay.

391
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,716
Flap! Flap! Flap!
Flap! Flap! Flap!

392
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,969
(grunts twice)

393
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,888
Yes, good, much better.

394
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:18,560
(groans)

395
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,813
I got Bart's backpack.

396
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,857
He got a hundred on his test?

397
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,943
That's impossible.

398
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,073
(gasps)
Is Bart cheating?

399
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,866
Are the Pope's tweets infallible?

400
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,868
{\an8}(laughs)

401
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,328
Bart, I'm gonna tell!

402
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,413
No, you're not.

403
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,081
Because if you tell people
I cheated,

404
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,666
that means your system failed.

405
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,252
Oh, my God,
you found a loophole!

406
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,255
Why don't you put this much
inventiveness into your work?

407
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,298
Because then I'd be the one
thing I swore I wouldn't.

408
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,675
You.

409
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,760
(whistling)

410
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:56,849
I'm doing it!

411
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,851
I'm flying like the squirrel

412
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,936
I always knew I was.

413
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,982
Ooh, indigo!

414
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,192
<i>-MARGE: Homer?</i>
-(yells gibberish)

415
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,611
It's me,
talking in your earphone.

416
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,071
<i>Come down, Homie.</i>

417
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,448
<i>"You only live once"</i>

418
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:16,493
<i>also means when you die,</i>
<i>you die!</i>

419
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,120
(cries out)

420
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,372
What's going on?

421
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,415
<i>-Hello?</i>
-(goose honks)

422
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:22,499
<i>-Hmm?</i>
-(honks)

423
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:23,709
<i>-Hmm? Hmm?</i>
-(honks)

424
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,127
Are you mocking me?

425
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,920
You can listen to your wife
when you are dead.

426
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,797
Savor the moment.

427
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,613
Majestic eagle.

428
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:56,075
Just like me,
unashamed of his baldness.

429
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,409
(eagle cries)

430
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,411
So beautiful.

431
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,205
Aw, he probably sees a mouse

432
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,956
he wants to tear in half.

433
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:03,916
(grunts)

434
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,584
D'oh!

435
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,670
Stupid tallest building
in Springfield!

436
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,672
(grunting)

437
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:16,720
Hmm...

438
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:17,805
(grunts)

439
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,057
(grunting)

440
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,144
-Ha!
-Whoa!

441
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,814
You've presented me
with quite a conundrum.

442
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:28,232
A word you should know

443
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,235
since it was on
a vocabulary test you aced.

444
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,736
(giggles)

445
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,281
But after some thought,
all my worries went away.

446
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:38,158
I know the answer.

447
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,495
I'm gonna force you
to turn yourself in.

448
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:42,538
Good luck with that.

449
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,580
The only thing that'll change
my mind

450
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,833
is a sign from God.

451
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,294
(Bart grunts)

452
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,548
Son, it was so beautiful!

453
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:55,926
I went faster
than the speed of sound.

454
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,138
HOMER'S VOICE:
Aaah!

455
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,347
(grunts)

456
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:01,473
Well, Bart, is that enough

457
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,517
of a sign for you?

458
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,352
All right, I'll turn myself in.

459
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,229
It'll give me a chance
to work some more

460
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,231
on the detention quilt.

461
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,483
(humming a tune)

462
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,485
(all grunting)

463
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,779
This patch is for all the victims

464
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,323
of atomic wedgies.

465
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,743
My friend, you have lived your dreams.

466
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,538
No matter what,
Homer Simpson has done it.

467
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:27,958
And soon I hope I remember
who Homer Simpson is

468
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,169
and his relationship to me.

469
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,670
But I have no regrets.

470
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:35,507
In fact, all this has given me
a sense of calm

471
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,926
I've never had before.

472
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,428
That's the morphine.

473
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,930
Can you give me
the morphine forever?

474
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,098
No way!

475
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,808
A person on morphine
all the time

476
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:46,351
would constantly dissolve
in inappropriate laughter.

477
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:50,105
(laughs)

478
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,773
(sighs)

479
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,905
Eduardo? Eduardo! Eduardo!

480
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,364
(grunts)

481
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,658
Oh.

482
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,744
It was all just a dream.

483
00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,454
EDUARDO:
It was not just a dream.

484
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,456
And you said you'd drive me
to the airport.

485
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:08,749
Oh, yeah.

486
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:09,875
Great.

487
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:11,293
Um...

488
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,544
Do I drop you at the curb,

489
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,546
or do I have to park
and walk you in?

490
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,466
Go as far as your heart
will take you.

491
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,345
You are a good friend.

492
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:37,110
{\an8}<i>♪ You only live once ♪</i>

493
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:41,240
{\an8}<i>♪ But that's okay ♪</i>

494
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,451
{\an8}<i>♪ You'll live quite long ♪</i>

495
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:50,457
{\an8}<i>♪ In the USA... ♪</i>

496
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:55,629
{\an8}<i>♪ But back to my point ♪</i>

497
00:20:55,712 --> 00:21:00,550
{\an8}<i>♪ You only live once ♪</i>

498
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,095
{\an8}<i>♪ You've got years and years ♪</i>

499
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:09,977
{\an8}<i>♪ Unless it's just months ♪</i>

500
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,147
-(murmuring)
-Shh!

501
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:19,945
{\an8}Subtitled by Tony Dukes