1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:03,920
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,214
(Klaxon horn blows)

3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,803
(exclaiming)

4
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)

5
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(Barney belches)

6
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D'oh!

7
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(tires screeching)

8
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(grunts)

9
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(angry shouting)

10
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(dramatic music plays)

11
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(cries out)

12
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(belches)

13
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{\an8}MARGE:
Oh!

14
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:12,405
{\an8}Come on.
Just pick one.

15
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{\an8}(sniffing)

16
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,915
{\an8}Oh. Fine, you can
have your old one.

17
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{\an8}(Marge sighs)

18
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{\an8}You can have one of these.

19
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{\an8}(sniffing)

20
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{\an8}Hmph!

21
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{\an8}Did you know some historians
think American football

22
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{\an8}is based on
an ancient Aztec game?

23
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{\an8}It's not American football,
it's just football.

24
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{\an8}Bart, you're not annoyed
that Milhouse asked me

25
00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:47,357
{\an8}to go to the American football game
instead of you?

26
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,068
{\an8}-Mom, Lisa's ruining football.
-American football.

27
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{\an8}No time for breakfast, Marge.
Just give me a banana.

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{\an8}(humming)

29
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{\an8}Now, listen.
I have to work late tonight.

30
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,876
{\an8}Again? I was hoping you could
spend some time with the kids.

31
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{\an8}It's a tough economy.
Money doesn't grow on trees.

32
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{\an8}It grows on threes.

33
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,509
{\an8}(laughs)

34
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,511
{\an8}-Yeah, I'm out.
-Me, too.

35
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{\an8}Too rich for my blood.

36
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{\an8}I should not have
anted with my blood.

37
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{\an8}Whew.

38
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{\an8}You got the touch tonight,
Homer.

39
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{\an8}(chuckles)

40
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{\an8}Nice sunglasses, Lenny.

41
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{\an8}<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>Homer Simpson.</i>

42
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{\an8}<i>Do you really want</i>
<i>to keep cheating your friends,</i>

43
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{\an8}<i>lying to your wife,</i>
<i>and avoiding your kids?</i>

44
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{\an8}<i>What would Jesus do?</i>

45
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{\an8}<i>Hey, you gotta pay</i>
<i>to find out.</i>

46
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{\an8}<i>You looking for a tell?</i>

47
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{\an8}<i>I don't have one, my friend.</i>

48
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{\an8}<i>What?</i>
<i>What are you lookin' at?</i>

49
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{\an8}I'd better call it a night, guys.

50
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{\an8}I don't want to take
any more of your money.

51
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{\an8}Mm. Mm. Mm.

52
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{\an8}Hmm.

53
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:57,510
{\an8}Who's president now,
Alexander Hamilton?

54
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,095
{\an8}I think it's Obama.

55
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{\an8}Hold the door, please.

56
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{\an8}(breathes heavily)
Two minutes apart.

57
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{\an8}Timing the elevators, eh?

58
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{\an8}-Smart.
-Oh.

59
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{\an8}No, no.

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{\an8}I'm timing my contractions.

61
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{\an8}I think I'm in labor.

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{\an8}<i>Deep</i> in labor.

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{\an8}Okay, okay, no worries.

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{\an8}What the...? Oh!

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{\an8}Do you have a cell phone?

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{\an8}Everyone has a cell phone.
Mine's at home.

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{\an8}The most beautiful moment
of my life is happening <i>now.</i>

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{\an8}Everything will be fine.

69
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{\an8}Um...
Oh you, uh, you like movies?

70
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,216
{\an8}-This reminds me of that scene in<i> Alien.</i>
-What?

71
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,135
{\an8}The scene where she escapes
with the cat at the end.

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{\an8}Aw, well, that's sweet.

73
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{\an8}Listen, I'm glad I'm not
going through this alone.

74
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{\an8}I haven't seen
my boyfriend in months.

75
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,770
{\an8}Oh, uh, he was just here.

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{\an8}No, he wasn't.

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{\an8}But thanks for lying.

78
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,358
{\an8}You like lies?
Here's a few:

79
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,944
{\an8}college is expensive
but it's worth it...

80
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{\an8}I think the baby's coming.

81
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{\an8}Okay Homer, remember
your Lamaze training.

82
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,742
{\an8}Now, this next position is fantastic

83
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,912
{\an8}for women
who are carrying especially big.

84
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:07,664
{\an8}Homer, can you demonstrate?

85
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,290
{\an8}Mm-hmm.

86
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{\an8}Mm...

87
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,170
{\an8}Oh. Yeah, wow,
that does feel good.

88
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,505
{\an8}Oh, no, I think it's coming.

89
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,091
{\an8}Oh, I haven't even picked
a name yet.

90
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,260
{\an8}You did this to me!

91
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,219
{\an8}No, I didn't.

92
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,679
{\an8}I'm talking to the baby.

93
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,098
{\an8}Here it comes.

94
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,141
{\an8}Um, I don't know
how to tell you this,

95
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,353
{\an8}-but your baby doesn't have any legs.
-What?

96
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,437
Oh, wait, there's more.

97
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,563
Mm. (grunts)

98
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,148
(baby cries)

99
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,441
It's a dude.

100
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,193
And he's uncut.

101
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,861
Very Euro.

102
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,530
Now, hug your mommy.

103
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For unto you is born this day,
in this elevator,

104
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inspected in August 2009,

105
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,120
a baby.

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(elevator motor humming)

107
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(relieved sigh)

108
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Well, it was nice
to share this moment

109
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,502
with someone who cared.

110
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Yeah, that guy
didn't even look over once.

111
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Lobby please.

112
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,010
(grunts)

113
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,262
(moans)
How was work?

114
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,722
Miraculous.

115
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:06,889
Mm?

116
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Mothers are so awesome.

117
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,893
Oh.

118
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These are great seats.

119
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{\an8}You can hear the players
swear from up here.

120
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,568
{\an8}PLAYER:
I'll kick your ass, Milhouse!

121
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,987
<i>ANNOUNCER: And now, to take</i>
<i>your minds off the massive concussion</i>

122
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<i>and subdural hematoma</i>
<i>you just witnessed,</i>

123
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:28,328
<i>please welcome</i>
<i>the Springfield Atomettes.</i>

124
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,205
Now, for this routine,
we need the help

125
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,666
of a junior Atomette.

126
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{\an8}<i>They're picking me, Dad!</i>

127
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,632
Don't call me "Dad."
If people think peanut vendors

128
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,801
have families, it's too sad.

129
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,970
{\an8}<i>ANNOUNCER:</i>
<i>Looks like we've got a volunteer...</i>

130
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,972
{\an8}<i>right there.</i>

131
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,349
{\an8}<i>(gasps)</i>

132
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,102
{\an8}<i>Look, while I'd like to help,</i>

133
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,980
{\an8}<i>I'm kind of pessimistic</i>
<i>about the team's chances.</i>

134
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,857
{\an8}<i>They're gonna get creamed.</i>

135
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,234
{\an8}<i>Go, go, go!</i>

136
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:03,905
Mm?

137
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,907
(crowd cheering)

138
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,033
Uh...

139
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,285
♪ ♪

140
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,747
(crowd cheering, whooping)

141
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,667
I'm dating a cheerleader.

142
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,378
LISA:
No, you're not.

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00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,671
PLAYER:
Burned again, Milhouse!

144
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,673
(crowd chatter)

145
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,427
Wow, that was great.

146
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,930
Can I have my regular
clothes back, please?

147
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,557
No... problem.

148
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,309
Great job, ladies.

149
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,311
Now here's your 50 bucks each

150
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,147
which should just about
cover your parking.

151
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,608
I can't believe
he pays you so little.

152
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,652
The crowd was crazy about you.

153
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,196
I know, but what are we
gonna do about it?

154
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,573
If we pipe up, they'll put us
in the mascot costume.

155
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:48,825
WOMEN:
Ew.

156
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:52,078
After you wear that, you need
to be hosed down for bedbugs.

157
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,873
Good game, everyone.
I never dreamed

158
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,792
a night where you
discovered I was cheating

159
00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:01,003
and beat the crap out of me
could end on such an up note.

160
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,171
See you next week.

161
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,590
WOMAN:
Homer.

162
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,051
Hmm? Hey, Gretchen.

163
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,678
I had your jacket cleaned.

164
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,638
Good as new.
And thanks for loaning me

165
00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:12,306
your sweater
for the ride home.

166
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,892
It may be
a little stretched out.

167
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,853
Geez,
that was a pregnancy sweater.

168
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,856
So, you want to hold
little Homer?

169
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:23,192
Wow, so now there's
two things named after me--

170
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,572
a baby, and a law banning
air horns after 3:00 a.m.

171
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,617
(nasally)
Aw, that's sweet.

172
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,248
(tires screech)

173
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,209
MOE:
Read 'em and weep.

174
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,170
The novels of Charlotte Bronte.

175
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,089
CARL:
Um, I thought we were playing cards.

176
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,136
Uh, hey.

177
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,554
I was just driving by

178
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,723
with some baby stuff
we didn't need,

179
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:57,435
and, uh, well, here's some diapers
Maggie's too big for,

180
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:01,564
and an <i>incredible</i> educational toy
I forgot to give Bart.

181
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:05,151
Thanks. Hey,
could you babysit for an hour?

182
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:06,819
I've been alone
with the baby for days.

183
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,362
Wow, I'd love to help,

184
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,491
but I did kind of have plans
for tonight.

185
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,409
MOE: No, you can't leave.
I'm dealin' you in.

186
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,036
-(grunts)
-(screams)

187
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,579
Full house?

188
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,915
You win again?

189
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,001
I think I'll be good tonight
and stay in with you.

190
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:28,341
<i>♪ Baby, baby,</i>
<i>please let me hold him ♪</i>

191
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,092
Where's Hoju?

192
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,844
Where's Hoju?

193
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,096
(screams)
Where's Hoju?

194
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,057
Where's Hoju?

195
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,850
Where's Hoju?!

196
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,810
<i>♪ We want to make him</i>
<i>stay up all night ♪</i>

197
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,646
<i>♪ Yeah, we do ♪</i>

198
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,856
♪ ♪

199
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,362
<i>(song ends)</i>

200
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,697
<i>♪ Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪</i>

201
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,327
{\an8}<i>♪ A child</i>
<i>arrived just the other day ♪</i>

202
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,121
{\an8}<i>♪ He came to the world</i>
<i>in the usual way ♪</i>

203
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,957
{\an8}<i>♪ But there were planes to catch ♪</i>

204
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,917
{\an8}<i>♪ And bills to pay ♪</i>

205
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,670
{\an8}<i>♪ He learned to walk</i>
<i>while I was away ♪</i>

206
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,047
{\an8}<i>♪ And he was talking</i>
<i>'fore I knew it ♪</i>

207
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:11,801
{\an8}<i>♪ And as he grew, he'd say,</i>
<i>"I'm gonna be like you, Dad" ♪</i>

208
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,470
<i>♪ "You know I'm gonna be like you" ♪</i>

209
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,808
<i>♪ And the cat's in the cradle... ♪</i>

210
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,810
(explosion, music stops)

211
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,563
Kids blow up so fast.

212
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,315
(Homer humming)

213
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,359
-Oh!
-Homie?

214
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,903
Aw, you're shopping ahead
for Maggie.

215
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,239
Oh, no,
I'm shopping for Homer Jr.,

216
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,992
a baby I delivered in an elevator
the night I pretended to go to work

217
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,493
but was really playing poker.

218
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,454
-What?!
-(grunting)

219
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,665
This simulation has been brought
to you by your brain,

220
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,542
a subsidiary of your penis.

221
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:48,546
Oh, yes, I'm shopping for Maggie,
our baby together,

222
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,673
so this looks perfectly innocent.

223
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,425
Why are you saying that?

224
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,552
Oh, you know how
the first few weeks are:

225
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,888
sleep deprived,
walking around in a fog.

226
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,599
First few weeks of what?

227
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,017
Um, November.

228
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,435
(groans)

229
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,186
(grunting, low chatter)

230
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,938
Hey, Atomette.

231
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,773
I want to say... Caitlin?

232
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,358
Lisa. Guys, do you realize

233
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,611
you're being exploited
by this team?

234
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,362
ALL:
Wha...?

235
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,947
They sell your posters,

236
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,115
workout DVDs,

237
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,158
and all of your practices

238
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,951
are broadcast on a webcam.

239
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,292
And some of the angles

240
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,628
are low.

241
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,338
But don't worry,
collective bargaining

242
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,798
will enable us
to secure concessions.

243
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,303
Uh, we're gonna push 'em back,

244
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,972
push 'em back,
push 'em way, way back.

245
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,724
All the way to a new contract.

246
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,517
'Cause union power is a fact.

247
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,394
And we're...

248
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,896
Okay, okay, we get it.

249
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,606
Well, look who's here.

250
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,817
You been hit by the cheerleading bug,
little lady?

251
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:55,571
Actually, I've been hit
by the unfair labor practices bug.

252
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,949
What?
Why, that's Samuel Gompers talk.

253
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,370
Now, little missy, the only thing
you should be organizin'

254
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,080
is your dollies.

255
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:07,124
How? By size, brand, value?

256
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,543
And don't even suggest race,
'cause I don't see that.

257
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,379
I just see little people I own.

258
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,838
What do you say, ladies?

259
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,340
(indistinct whispering)

260
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,342
Not right, not fair.

261
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,636
Let's say it with our hair.

262
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,142
Okay, fine.

263
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,852
I'm gonna give it some thought,

264
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:30,398
then say no
in the nicest way possible.

265
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,691
No.

266
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,280
Oh, good.

267
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,032
Nice.

268
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,325
"Beat Dallas."

269
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,286
Can never argue with that.

270
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:49,333
Hey, ladies. My vest isn't
the only thing that's ripped.

271
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,377
I am in the market
for a backup mistress.

272
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,212
Possibly two.

273
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,214
Have you kids seen your father?

274
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,675
Surprised he's not here
ogling these girls.

275
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,176
He said he was going to work.

276
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,137
On a Friday afternoon?

277
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,014
(gasps)
I bet he's playing poker again.

278
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,182
Coming through.

279
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:06,684
Wife on a mission.

280
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,227
Go, fight, win.

281
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,270
Marge.

282
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,566
Wow, I've never burst through
a banner before,

283
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:15,693
but it really does the trick.

284
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:16,944
(pounding on door)

285
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,488
Homer, I know you're here.

286
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,031
Your car's outside.

287
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,825
Where is he?

288
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,452
I honestly don't know.

289
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,538
I'm just teaching myself massage
here with online videos

290
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:28,581
and a store mannequin.

291
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,667
Oh, I'm so sorry.

292
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,086
So, do you have any injuries
I should know about?

293
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,254
Oh!

294
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,631
Hmm, if he's not in there,
where is he?

295
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,341
HOMER:
Oh, baby.

296
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,886
Oh, baby, shake it.
Homer like.

297
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,263
(gasps)
Oh.

298
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,932
Shake it.
Now, roll over on your tummy,

299
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,267
just like I taught you.

300
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,436
Tell me what a cow says.

301
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,438
(toy moos)

302
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,023
Aah!
My other baby mama.

303
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:56,150
So this is where
you've been going.

304
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,694
Another woman's apartment.

305
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,529
Marge, it's not what you think.

306
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,323
Quiet.
You're upsetting Homer Jr.

307
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,950
(quietly)
You have a baby together?

308
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,202
Oh, it's cool.

309
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,953
We did it in an elevator.

310
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,706
(gasps)
I'm a Schwarzenegger wife.

311
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,751
But you're also the housekeeper,
so it's all good.

312
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,170
It's not good.
None of it's good.

313
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,255
I haven't had a drink
for a week.

314
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,965
That is pretty good.

315
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,429
So then
you delivered her baby

316
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,224
-right there in the elevator.
-It's true.

317
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,893
Even the other guy in the elevator--
he's right here.

318
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:33,437
And the really funny thing
is I'm a doctor.

319
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,899
Well, I'm glad
you did a good deed,

320
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,859
but you shouldn't come here again.

321
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,445
I thought that was strange poop
on your collar.

322
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,530
(moans sadly)

323
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,156
Good-bye, Homer Jr.

324
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,367
I guess
you're the man of the house now.

325
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,743
And never forget,

326
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,954
even though the mortgage
is due on the first,

327
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,915
you can usually wait
till the 17th.

328
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:56,752
(sobbing)

329
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,878
You know what?

330
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,965
I think it's fine
if Homer spends a few hours

331
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,466
now and then with...

332
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,385
Homer Jr.

333
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,761
Exactly.

334
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,888
You always said
charity begins at home.

335
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,390
But not which home.

336
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:12,393
It's true,
I never specified the home.

337
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,395
<i>♪ There's a great and a bloody fight ♪</i>

338
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,063
<i>♪ 'Round this whole world tonight ♪</i>

339
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:19,024
<i>♪ And the battle, the bombs</i>
<i>and shrapnel reign ♪</i>

340
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,026
<i>♪ Hitler told the world around ♪</i>

341
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,736
<i>♪ He would tear our union down ♪</i>

342
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,781
<i>♪ But our union's gonna break</i>
<i>them slavery chains ♪</i>

343
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,743
<i>♪ Our union's gonna</i>
<i>break them slavery chains ♪</i>

344
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,037
(tires screeching)

345
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:36,166
<i>♪ I walked up on a mountain</i>
<i>in the middle of the sky ♪</i>

346
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,295
<i>♪ Could see every farm</i>
<i>and every town ♪</i>

347
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,590
<i>♪ I could see all the people</i>
<i>in this whole wide world ♪</i>

348
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,468
<i>♪ That's the union that'll tear</i>
<i>the fascists down, down, down ♪</i>

349
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,889
And now to sing you a lullaby
my father sung to me.

350
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,558
<i>♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep,</i>
<i>sleep, sleep ♪</i>

351
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,019
<i>♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep,</i>
<i>sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep ♪</i>

352
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,062
(snoring softly)

353
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:02,902
Oh, man,
I really overdid it tonight.

354
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,445
Late night at Moe's, eh?

355
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,196
No, I'm exhausted from

356
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,617
<i>♪ Head, shoulders, knees and toes,</i>
<i>knees and toes ♪</i>

357
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,161
It's the toes that get you, Marge.
It's the toes.

358
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,829
What about your own children?

359
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,624
Way ahead of you, Marge,
I'm taking all four

360
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,584
of my kids to the zoo tomorrow.

361
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,835
Three.

362
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,003
Yes, we'll be back by 3:00.

363
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,922
Homer has a very tight nap schedule.

364
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,466
Quit talking about that baby.

365
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,927
I was talking about myself
in the third person.

366
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,428
Oh.

367
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,264
We can't take
much more of this, Lisa.

368
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,184
The girls are getting so antsy
they'll cheer anything.

369
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,436
You're the greatest generation,

370
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,980
worthy of our veneration.

371
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,608
Go Grampa!

372
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:46,445
If this is heaven,
why don't my shoes match?

373
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,322
(doorbell rings)

374
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:51,200
(deep sigh)
Okay, I give up.

375
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,578
I'm gonna do what
we secretly did at the Alamo--

376
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,996
surrender.

377
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,414
(cheering)

378
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,541
While you're at it,
how about a little boost

379
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,043
for peanut vendors?

380
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:04,505
What do you think
I'm taking their raise out of?

381
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,136
(jabbering happily)

382
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,680
I wanted you all to be happy together,

383
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,473
so I brought you to the zoo,

384
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:17,309
where all the animals live in harmony.

385
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,771
(growls)

386
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:22,648
(trumpeting)

387
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,733
Okay, guys,
I got your ice creams.

388
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:26,819
(coos happily)

389
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,114
Hey, ah, ah, ah.

390
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,366
Now, Maggie, we don't
hurt each other in this family.

391
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:34,159
Are you nuts?

392
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869
You can't even kiss me good night
without slicing me

393
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,871
-with your stubble.
-Why, you little...

394
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,999
I'll give you a good-night kiss
you'll never forget.

395
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,125
Come here, you.

396
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,960
-(grunting)
-Aah, ooh, ah!

397
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,587
-Ah! Ow!
-Yeah!

398
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:50,009
Dad, we're missing the giant
capybaras of Uruguay.

399
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,180
Okay, I know what'll
cheer you kids up.

400
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,683
Seeing me out-monkey
the monkeys.

401
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,602
(hooting like a monkey)

402
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,604
(angry hooting, screeching)

403
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,982
I have a soul
and you guys don't.

404
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,066
(hooting)

405
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,985
Aah! Monkeys!

406
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,030
(grunts)

407
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,365
(angry grunt)

408
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,622
Dad, Maggie's rolling away.

409
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,458
(gasps)
She's heading for Prairie Dog Village.

410
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,959
If they get her
in their warrens,

411
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,045
we'll never see her again.

412
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,546
(chittering)

413
00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:29,006
Look, shiny keys.

414
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,299
Jingle jangle.

415
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,801
(grunts, laughs)
Stupid monkeys.

416
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,976
That's it, Maggie,
use the Dino-Wand.

417
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,572
This is the last time
you'll see that elevator baby.

418
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,617
I'm sorry, Homer Jr.

419
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,828
You'll occupy an idealized
place in my heart

420
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,831
that no one can ever quite fill.

421
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,084
(Homer sobbing)

422
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,461
-Therapy, please.
-Me, too.

423
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:08,545
(Marge groans)

424
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,798
Okay, I've got to impart
all my fatherly advice

425
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,341
in this one walk.

426
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,344
The sky is blue,
but nobody really knows why.

427
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,179
Don't believe what they tell you.

428
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,515
Girls are great
and terrible at the same time.

429
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:20,891
Get used to it.

430
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,976
And, most importantly...
Oops, we're here.

431
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,145
You'll have to figure it out
on your own.

432
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,108
Sorry, little fella.
One day I'll be that guy

433
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,318
who comes to your wedding,
makes you feel a little weird,

434
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,070
and then runs away.

435
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,363
Homer, great news.

436
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,739
Chase came back.

437
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,574
(whoops)
Who's Chase?

438
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:38,992
Homer Jr.'s father.

439
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:42,162
Oh, my God,
is that my son?

440
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,164
You didn't tell me
he was a soldier.

441
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,791
You didn't tell <i>me </i>you were pregnant.

442
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,793
I didn't want you to marry me
because I was pregnant.

443
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,003
I wanted you to marry me
because I was nagging you.

444
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,588
(fusses)

445
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,341
Um, he likes it
if you tickle his toes.

446
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:56,176
Dude, he's my kid. He likes what I like.

447
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,845
But n-n-n-nurture.

448
00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:59,680
Gretch,
I think he's got my calves.

449
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,473
He does, baby, he does.

450
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,892
Can I just say
good-bye to him quick?

451
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,185
Sure.

452
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,937
I guess this is it, little guy.

453
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:07,855
Da-da.

454
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,983
(gasps) The most beautiful words
a father can hear.

455
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:14,111
-Da-da. Da-da.
-Oh.

456
00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,363
Hey, one day you'll have
kids of your own.

457
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,865
-I do.
-Really?

458
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,200
Then this is much creepier
than I thought.

459
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:21,577
Much.

460
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,247
Shouldn't have bet his door
if he didn't want to lose it.

461
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,249
(sighs)

462
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:36,466
Hi, Maggie.
If you could talk,

463
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,178
I know you'd have a few
choice words for me.

464
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:43,182
You want me to take care
of your dolly?

465
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,103
That's the sweetest thing
any baby has ever done for me.

466
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,868
Honey, you know where
the bottle opener is?

467
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,369
I think it's in the drawer.

468
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,289
Whoa, little dude.

469
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,540
Where did you learn that?

470
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,632
This is what we're fighting for,
babe.

471
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,592
{\an8}(marching band
playing theme song )

472
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,719
{\an8}<i>HOMER: Hey, what's this marching band</i>
<i>have to do with Homer Jr.?</i>

473
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:21,970
{\an8}<i>What?!</i>

474
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,974
{\an8}<i>There were cheerleaders</i>
<i>in our house and nobody told me?</i>

475
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,559
{\an8}<i>(Homer moans)</i>

476
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,137
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

477
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935
Subtitled by Tony Dukes