1
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,425
(metronome ticking)

2
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:11,386
(classical music playing)

3
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,566
(jazz music playing)

4
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,074
(classical music playing)

5
00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,497
(jazz music playing)

6
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,213
(low note blaring)

7
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,636
(classical music playing)

8
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,269
(chugging)

9
00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:11,362
(dramatic classical music playing)

10
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,579
(bluesy sax riff plays)

11
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:24,167
(all playing blues)

12
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,383
(orchestra playing bluesy song)

13
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,138
(whistle blows)

14
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,019
(tromping footsteps)

15
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,647
(playing rock version of
<i>The Simpsons</i> theme song)

16
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,732
(jazz music playing)

17
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,821
(all playing <i>The Simpsons</i>
theme song)

18
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,369
(playing jazz version of
<i>The Simpsons</i> theme song)

19
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,171
{\an8}(bell ringing, kids cheering)

20
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,926
{\an8}<i>♪ One is the loneliest number ♪</i>

21
00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:17,929
{\an8}<i>♪ That you'll ever do ♪</i>

22
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,516
{\an8}<i>♪ Two can be as bad as one ♪</i>

23
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:25,520
{\an8}<i>♪ It's the loneliest number</i>
<i>since the number one ♪</i>

24
00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:32,026
{\an8}<i>♪ No is the saddest experience</i>
<i>you'll ever know ♪</i>

25
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:36,573
{\an8}<i>♪ Yes, it's the saddest</i>
<i>experience you'll ever know ♪</i>

26
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,283
{\an8}(grunts)

27
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:44,581
{\an8}<i>♪ 'Cause one is the loneliest</i>
<i>number that you'll ever do ♪</i>

28
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:50,170
{\an8}<i>♪ One is the loneliest number,</i>
<i>worse than two ♪</i>

29
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,671
{\an8}<i>♪ And one... ♪</i>

30
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:53,464
{\an8}You know, I really think
I've made my point.

31
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:54,716
{\an8}(thunder crashes)

32
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,886
{\an8}Oh, the rain has washed away
the playground shed!

33
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,305
{\an8}I'm being chased by sports!

34
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:03,391
{\an8}It's called "precipitation,"
'cause it never fails

35
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,934
{\an8}to precipitate unruly behavior.

36
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,769
{\an8}(thunder crashes)

37
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,314
{\an8}And saddest of all,
those who do not have a friend

38
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,815
{\an8}to play with in the rain,

39
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,194
{\an8}doomed to get
only single pneumonia.

40
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,825
{\an8}A spit wad?

41
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,703
{\an8}Well, at least
I'm getting some attention.

42
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,664
{\an8}And the best part is
I'm bombarding her

43
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,749
{\an8}with her own homework.

44
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,083
{\an8}(laughs)

45
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,427
{\an8}(sighs)

46
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,637
{\an8}(screams)

47
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,306
{\an8}Begone!

48
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,225
{\an8}(hisses)

49
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,601
{\an8}(chuckles)

50
00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:49,312
{\an8}Well, you're never alone
surrounded by...

51
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,898
{\an8}<i>The Autobiography</i>
<i>of Charles Manson?</i>

52
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,024
{\an8}(screams)

53
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:58,613
Hmm.

54
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,990
{\an8}Huh?

55
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,909
{\an8}Hi. New kid, second grade.

56
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,077
{\an8}Don't you love the rain?

57
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,453
{\an8}(gasps) New kid?

58
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,330
{\an8}Uh, have you made
any friends?

59
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,998
{\an8}Just Charlotte,
Emily and Anne.

60
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,834
{\an8}(gasps) That's a reference
to the Brontë sisters!

61
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,337
{\an8}(gasps) You got my reference
to the Brontë sisters?!

62
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,922
{\an8}Nice to meet you,
Lisa Simpson.

63
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:18,007
{\an8}How do you know my name?

64
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,842
{\an8}I deciphered the anagrams
on your notebook.

65
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,177
{\an8}Oh.

66
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,012
{\an8}Be Lisa?

67
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,517
{\an8}(gasps) Isabel!

68
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,060
{\an8}(both giggle)

69
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,438
{\an8}HOMER:
Ooh, spaghetti.

70
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,068
{\an8}(phone ringing)

71
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:38,528
{\an8}Y'ello!

72
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,614
{\an8}Lisa, you got a call
from someone named Isabel.

73
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:42,907
{\an8}(gasps)

74
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,951
{\an8}May I ask
what this is regarding?

75
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:48,037
{\an8}Ooh! A budding new friendship?
Oh!

76
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,498
{\an8}Boy, how come you can't
get a new friend?

77
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,000
{\an8}What's wrong with the one I got?

78
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,752
{\an8}I finally got that M&M
out of my inner ear.

79
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,172
{\an8}I remembered correctly;
it <i>was</i> a green one!

80
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,341
{\an8}<i>Don't eat it.</i>
<i>It's been in his ear.</i>

81
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,510
{\an8}<i>Don't eat it.</i>
<i>It's been in his ear.</i>

82
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:09,142
{\an8}<i>Don't eat it. It's been in the</i>
<i>boy's ear and the dog's mouth.</i>

83
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,185
{\an8}<i>Don't eat it.</i>

84
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,188
{\an8}Oh, for God's sake!

85
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,774
{\an8}And don't you hate
being the middle child?

86
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,861
Yeah. In the car, I always
have to sit on the hump.

87
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,112
It makes reading impossible.

88
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,823
MARGE:
Lisa, your food's getting cold!

89
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:26,326
It's raw veggies.
They're supposed to be cold!

90
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:29,454
Well, someone who loves you
put melted butter on them!

91
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,039
Thank you, Mr. Bergstrom.

92
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,957
I'll tell Lisa you dropped by.

93
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:33,916
I better go.

94
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,710
Okay, but one more thing:

95
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:37,587
I noticed we're both
doing presentations

96
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,922
on Franklin Roosevelt at school.
Why don't we do them together?

97
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:43,634
(quietly) Oh, my God.
Someone wants to be my partner.

98
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,845
Can't screw this up.

99
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:48,639
Downloading, downloading,
downloading,

100
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,266
downloading, downloading...

101
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,310
(computer chimes,
electronic fanfare plays)

102
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,478
Whoo-hoo!

103
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,314
(clears throat)

104
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,608
Franklin Roosevelt
bravely instituted

105
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,110
a series of reforms
called the New Deal.

106
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,862
Which ran totally counter

107
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:05,281
to America's tradition
of limited government.

108
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,533
P.S.
It was also unconstitutional.

109
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,077
Oh?

110
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,163
Um, FDR's steadfast leadership

111
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,665
also helped America
win World War Two.

112
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,668
Until the weak-kneed Democrats
sold us out at Yalta.

113
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,254
If you haven't guessed, Lisa,
I'm a Republican.

114
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,423
-A Lincoln Republican?
-Not really.

115
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,674
A Reagan Republican?

116
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:24,675
Keep going.

117
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:25,760
First President Bush?

118
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,261
-Getting there.
-Oh, dear God.

119
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:34,018
(chuckles)
I must say, Lisa,

120
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,687
it <i>was</i> amusing to see you
thoroughly de-high-horsed.

121
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,523
That isn't a word.

122
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:41,109
Ooh, back on the saddle
she climbs.

123
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,902
I just can't believe
someone like you

124
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,153
would be a Republican.

125
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,656
I mean, isn't your
last name Gutiérrez?

126
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,616
Just what exactly
are you saying?

127
00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:50,910
I'm just saying that
people of your heritage--

128
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:53,579
which could be any one
of many heritages,

129
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,331
I'm not pigeonholing...

130
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,834
Is it a Catholic thing?

131
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,877
I'm a non-observant Jew
from Argentina.

132
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,045
<i>Ay, caramba!</i>

133
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,505
Do you even know
what that means?

134
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,757
Uh, there-there's
a <i>caramba</i> in my eye?

135
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,009
It's the Spanish version
of "hot damn."

136
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,511
<i>Ay, caramba!</i>

137
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:12,014
Hmm?
Lisa, is everything okay?

138
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,724
Yes. Why?

139
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,059
Because you're doing
your homework

140
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,644
and you don't look happy.

141
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:19,522
(groans) My new best friend
isn't what I thought.

142
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,691
She's a... Republican!

143
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,359
(laughs)

144
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,610
What is so funny?

145
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,945
They're destroying the world!

146
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,238
They are, huh?

147
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,698
I thought I'd show you this

148
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,241
when you were older,
but...

149
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:33,286
(gasps)
You voted for Reagan?!

150
00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:35,705
MARGE:
It was a crazy time, the '80s.

151
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,541
You don't hear me listening
to the Thompson Twins anymore.

152
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,877
Although...

153
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,132
(tape warbles)

154
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,968
<i>-♪ Hold me now... ♪</i>
-(humming along)

155
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,471
So, you were going
through a phase?

156
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:52,722
Mm-hmm.

157
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,891
All right, '80s party!
Where's the beef?

158
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:56,559
Tear down that wall!

159
00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,354
Because I think the beef
is behind that wall!

160
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,647
Hmm.

161
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:03,941
Hmm.

162
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,277
<i>♪ You say I'm a dreamer... ♪</i>

163
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,030
Now get up here, boy!

164
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,449
We're gonna do
"The Super Bowl Shuffle."

165
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,326
No! You never let me be
Mike Singletary!

166
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,785
Fine. You're Mike Singletary.

167
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,954
Enjoy your mediocre
coaching career.

168
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,207
<i>♪ My name is Homer,</i>
<i>I'm a real fullback ♪</i>

169
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,334
<i>♪ Gonna run that ball,</i>
<i>don't want no flack ♪</i>

170
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:24,128
<i>♪ If you try to run,</i>
<i>you'll get a heart attack ♪</i>

171
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,006
Why you little...!

172
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,925
<i>♪ Hey, big man,</i>
<i>don't want no trouble ♪</i>

173
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:32,136
<i>♪ I'm just here to do</i>
<i>"The Super Bowl... ♪</i>

174
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,930
<i>♪ Shuffle..." ♪</i>

175
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,599
Excuse me.
(grunting)

176
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,935
People's views change.

177
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,312
Bobby Kennedy worked
for Joe McCarthy.

178
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:43,189
Larry David was on <i>Fridays.</i>

179
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,607
What are you trying to say?

180
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,652
Isabel's only eight.
As she grows up,

181
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,946
surprising things will
happen to her body...

182
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,322
of beliefs.

183
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:53,574
But she could always use
a friend like you.

184
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,659
Hmm.

185
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,578
Hmm.

186
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,164
-Isabel?
-Lisa?

187
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,624
Listen, I'm really
sorry about...

188
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,251
No, it's okay.

189
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,419
My mom says you're just
going through a liberal phase.

190
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,923
What?! My mom says you're going
through a conservative phase.

191
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,091
There's no such thing.

192
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,384
Conservatives only get
more conservative.

193
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,885
Because every year,

194
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,679
they get a little further
through <i>Atlas Shrugged.</i>

195
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:17,014
Listen,
we're both eight years old.

196
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,975
Can't we just play Monopoly
or something?

197
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,310
My father owns a monopoly!

198
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,023
(whirring)

199
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:32,738
That young filly is exactly
the kind of candidate

200
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,824
we need to start recruiting!

201
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:38,286
She's a young, dynamic <i>Latina.</i>

202
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:41,622
Yee-haw!
I said that just right!

203
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:45,376
Without the Hispanic vote,
even Texas is poised to turn blue.

204
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:46,669
Blue!

205
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,380
Yeah, we must reach her
and groom her

206
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,841
before she fattens up
like Chris Christie.

207
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:54,927
He thinks GOP
stands for "Gravy on Pancakes."

208
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,429
(laughter)

209
00:09:56,512 --> 00:10:00,933
But despite my mirthful remarks,
obesity is no laughing matter.

210
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:11,152
{\an8}(chuckles) Just can't resist those words,
"sign-up sheet."

211
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:14,113
{\an8}Oh, looks like I'll be
running against Isabel.

212
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,573
{\an8}And Ralph?

213
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,617
Just call me Ralph Nader.

214
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,577
-I don't know why.
-Isabel!

215
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,621
I want this campaign
to be about the issues:

216
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,205
same-sex field trip buddies,

217
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,625
providing class pets
with a path to citizenship...

218
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,710
And no digging up
past relationships.

219
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,463
Sure, Lisa and I dated.
Sure, she broke my heart.

220
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,090
I'm sure your researchers
know all about it.

221
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,592
This is the first I've heard of it.

222
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,427
Really?
But I got this!

223
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,179
Wow... ew.

224
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,598
How long has it been since
you washed your stomach?

225
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,433
You can't ask that anymore!

226
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:43,976
(chuckles nervously)

227
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,102
Quit shoving!

228
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,104
I'd like a word with you,
young lady.

229
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,230
How did you get in there?

230
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,565
Slid in through the grates.

231
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,902
Here's the scoop.

232
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,195
You're our future,

233
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,863
so we can't afford
to have you lose.

234
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,448
And I love the Spanish--

235
00:10:57,531 --> 00:11:00,201
from the Inquisition
to the delightful Franco years.

236
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,869
What are you talking about?

237
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,121
Move over!
I know how to talk to kids.

238
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,582
We want to give you
a little present.

239
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,211
A tainted victory
that will haunt you forever.

240
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,880
I'd rather do this myself.

241
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,799
But who'd own you then?

242
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:18,010
You couldn't buy me with
a wheelbarrow full of ice cream.

243
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,765
Whoa, nicely done.

244
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,434
You've charmed another one
right into the arms

245
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,186
of the Libertarian Party.

246
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,106
Maybe we can help her without
her knowing we're helping her.

247
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:33,651
No one says I can't buy
a second-grade election.

248
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,986
Why, I had enough money to fix
<i>People Magazine's</i>

249
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,905
"Sexiest Man Alive."

250
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,532
Most of the money
went to convincing them

251
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,033
that I was alive.

252
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,371
Who ordered the Yumboni?

253
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:46,831
Right here!

254
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,541
Now, Smithers,
I want you to eat this for me.

255
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:49,709
Describe every taste.

256
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,794
And don't forget the brain freeze.

257
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,879
Sir, I am lactose-intolerant.

258
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,506
And I'm back-talk-allergic!

259
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:58,134
-So start eating!
-(groans)

260
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,428
Have a great day, kids.

261
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,304
And, Bart, I'll pick you up
after school

262
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,140
to take you to karate lessons.

263
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,975
Mom, after six weeks,
I figured out

264
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,644
that Sensei Weinstein
is really my psychiatrist.

265
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:12,523
Either way, for 45 minutes,
you're not my problem, sweetie.

266
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:14,817
(horn honking)

267
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:15,985
(gasps)

268
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,112
Don't worry, Lisa,
despite the paid ad,

269
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:20,489
I am strictly middle of the road.

270
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,907
-Idiot!
-(horns honking)

271
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:22,992
Pick a lane!

272
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,118
(tires screech)

273
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,995
Wha...?!

274
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,251
What are you doing?!

275
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:33,878
I'm as bewildered
as you are.

276
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,921
I don't know why,
but the Springfield Republican Party

277
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,006
is grooming me.

278
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,675
Grooming? Yuck!

279
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,594
Unfortunately, I can't stop it.

280
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,430
The Supreme Court says
spending money is free speech.

281
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,098
Well, then you could use
your free speech

282
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,268
to denounce this intrusion
of big money into our election.

283
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,644
Mm, I'll think about it

284
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,897
while I'm on my listening tour
of the cafeteria.

285
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,614
(slurring)
Pour me another.

286
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,240
What are you doing?

287
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,825
It's imaginary.

288
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:06,994
Fine.

289
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,204
I got to go.

290
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,332
I'll see you later.

291
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,586
(humming a tune)

292
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,303
(grunting)

293
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:27,431
<i>Ay, caramba!</i>

294
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,017
Bart, I need you to help me
win the election.

295
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,019
I can help,
but it's gonna get rough.

296
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,020
I'm fine with rough.

297
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,438
You don't know what rough is.

298
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,689
That ain't rough.

299
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,274
More like a gentle breeze.

300
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,734
Maggie hits harder.

301
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:42,238
Did the good night pixie
just kiss my cheek?

302
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,782
Ow!
Okay, you got my attention.

303
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:46,033
You want to win this election?

304
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,452
Then from now on,
you do exactly what I say.

305
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,787
You got it.

306
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,413
First, go make me
five pans of brownies.

307
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,083
You're just taking advantage
of the situation.

308
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,252
Hmm,
maybe Isabel likes baking.

309
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,170
Cakey or gooey?

310
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,214
I'll make both.

311
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:03,968
First, we reel them in.

312
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,262
Then, we scare
the hell out of them.

313
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,472
By discussing the school's
budget crisis?

314
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,724
No, with balls to the head.

315
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,310
-(blows whistle)
-Bombardment!

316
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:20,484
I associate Isabel
with a pain in my tummy.

317
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,821
Bombardment?

318
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,322
(groans)

319
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,574
Miss Simpson,

320
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,659
your platform calls for the creation

321
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,202
of a student-run garden.

322
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,454
{\an8}Organic gardening
is an essential part

323
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,374
{\an8}of 21st century education,
teaching both hands-on...

324
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,084
And what programs
would you cut to pay

325
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,711
for this precious garden
of yours?

326
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,129
The new Wiffle bats?

327
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,213
Pizza Friday?

328
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,883
(gasps)
Not Pizza Friday!

329
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,801
Sorry, Lisa, you lose again.

330
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,719
(air horn blares)

331
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,388
You got to get on your game,
sister.

332
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,931
You think I'm tough?

333
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,100
Wait till Gutiérrez
sinks her teeth into you.

334
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,852
Remember,
you got an ace in the hole:

335
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,521
chocolate milk
in the water fountains.

336
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,814
That's impossible.

337
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,316
We've already
had the best plumbers

338
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,942
in the city look into it.

339
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,528
Hey, we'll worry about that
after you're elected.

340
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:05,863
(groaning)

341
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,197
(whistling)

342
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,532
What are you so happy about?

343
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:09,909
It's in the bag, Lis.

344
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,869
Once everybody sees this.

345
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:13,996
Training wheels.

346
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,956
She still uses training wheels.

347
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,124
(snickers)

348
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,375
And watch this.

349
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,213
(crying)

350
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,798
Excellent.

351
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,300
What am I doing?

352
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:27,968
Untent! Untent!

353
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,889
Oh, Bart, I want to win,
but not like this.

354
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,557
I'm sorry, you're fired.

355
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,146
Leave the bottle.

356
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:42,566
I bet by the end of the night,
you're gonna look pretty good.

357
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:46,403
Welcome to our first
in a series of 37 debates--

358
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,698
good Lord-- before
the elementary school elections.

359
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,241
You're a booger head!

360
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:54,036
And I say we move
beyond name-calling

361
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,497
to solve our real problems.

362
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:57,831
(all booing)

363
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,166
Booger head!

364
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,668
Vote for whoever you want to.

365
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,002
To me, these are both losers.

366
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:06,006
Now, the second grade debate
between Isabel Gutiérrez

367
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,425
and Lisa Simp-a-son.

368
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,510
Sounds weird.

369
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,178
Mm.

370
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,513
ISABEL:
Ivy Agee,

371
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,682
Frank Marino, Glen Gloyd.

372
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,434
These are men who fought
at Omaha Beach.

373
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,769
And they are the reason

374
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,021
I'm running
for second grade rep.

375
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,148
<i>Dios los bendiga a todos.</i>

376
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,483
(students cheering)

377
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:27,403
I'll bet my bologna sandwich
that girl's gonna win.

378
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,613
Oh,
a little rich for my blood, sir.

379
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,323
Yes,
you can fog a mirror, Seymour,

380
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,741
but I wouldn't call you alive.

381
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,577
Now, the other candidate,
Lisa Simpson.

382
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,163
Okay, I'm a liberal.

383
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,416
And sometimes that's a dirty word.

384
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:41,375
(laughter)

385
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,668
Liberal.

386
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,629
But what liberal really means
is someone who believes

387
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,381
that those who have
more than enough

388
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:50,009
should share a little
with those who don't.

389
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,094
And those principles

390
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,929
have consistently been in place

391
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,682
during this country's
most prosperous times.

392
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,601
So if that's a liberal,
then I am a liberal.

393
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,686
And hang me.

394
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:01,937
(screams)

395
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,564
Sorry, we're just setting up

396
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:06,025
for <i>An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge.</i>

397
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,990
(groaning)

398
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:15,367
Ooh.

399
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,202
The Democratic Party pantheon.

400
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,204
Such lofty ideals.

401
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,289
(gasps)

402
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,707
And here come the spirits.

403
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,126
Michael Dukakis, Walter Mondale,

404
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,461
John Kerry?

405
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,129
These are all losers!

406
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,215
I'm afraid you're heading
for a loss, Lisa.

407
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,801
And when we lose, we lose big.

408
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:33,969
What about Obama?

409
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,054
Harry Truman?

410
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,221
Bill Clinton?

411
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,973
Lisa, you're a lot like me.

412
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,309
Play the saxophone,
come from a small town,

413
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,727
raised by a mother with no help.

414
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,562
So, do you know how I can win?

415
00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,272
I don't even know why I'm a ghost.

416
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,982
All these guys are alive.

417
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,692
John Kerry
here is Secretary of State.

418
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,110
Doing a bang-up job.

419
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,904
Well, we still have a long way

420
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,947
to go on Asian currency issues.

421
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,491
Absolutely.

422
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,367
And, Lisa,
I'm only appearing in this dream

423
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,162
so I can visit with you
about the Clinton Global Initiative.

424
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,831
See, our mission
is to turn ideas into action.

425
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,583
And to find innovative solutions
that will hel...

426
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,834
-(snoring)
-Hey, hey, hey, hey!

427
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,377
You can't fall asleep in a dream!

428
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,962
(snoring)

429
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,214
(groans)

430
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,381
I know what I've got to do.

431
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,384
Hello, Isabel? Listen...

432
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,803
(snores)

433
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:16,887
(groaning)

434
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:19,681
CGI also convenes CGI America,

435
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:23,477
a meeting devoted to economic
recovery and job creation.

436
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,978
You used to be fun!

437
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,563
Kevin Costner
used to be a movie star.

438
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,815
Get over it.

439
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:30,317
And now for their final debate,

440
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,736
please welcome,
uh, Li... um...

441
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,281
Li-sa? Li-sa, uh, Simpsone.

442
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,491
Yes.

443
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:41,328
And, uh, (heavy accent)
Isabel Adolpho-Guzman-Lopez Gutiérrez.

444
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:42,746
Uh, ladies.

445
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,961
(grunts)

446
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,380
I just want to say,
I don't care about politics,

447
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,216
electioneering,
or negative campaigning.

448
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,844
If my friend Lisa wins,
so be it.

449
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:59,888
-(speaks Spanish)
-(cheering)

450
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,891
-And I also want to say that if...
-Time's up.

451
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,643
-But I...
-Stop showboating.

452
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,395
(grunts)

453
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,233
Back in the banner shed you go.

454
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,568
<i>SKINNER:</i>
<i>Good morning.</i>

455
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,695
We have completed
the tally of the votes

456
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:15,904
<i>for class representative.</i>

457
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,990
<i>One brief announcement:</i>
<i>the tainted Greek salad</i>

458
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,199
<i>has given several students</i>

459
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,618
<i>nightmares involving</i>
<i>Michael Dukakis.</i>

460
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,245
It may recur tonight,
so if possible,

461
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,289
have your parents
strap you to the bed.

462
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,874
<i>And now the results.</i>

463
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,792
<i>First grade rep--</i>
<i>results delayed indefinitely</i>

464
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,460
<i>due to jelly on the ballots.</i>

465
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,545
<i>Second grade rep--</i>

466
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,338
<i>-Isabel Gutiérrez.</i>
-(cheers)

467
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,383
<i>-Third grade rep, no votes cast.</i>
-Congratulations, Isabel.

468
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:39,344
I truly hope you enjoy
the Friday morning council meetings.

469
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,888
<i>Simpson!</i>

470
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,640
(crying) And the-the free
snicker doodle cookies.

471
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:44,975
Smithers, we won!

472
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:47,686
Drop the balloons!

473
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,062
Ow! Ow! Ooh!

474
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,272
Ay-ee! Ow!

475
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:51,398
(siren blaring)

476
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,317
Can I at least
remove the balloons?

477
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,152
-Do it and you'll kill him.
-(groans)

478
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:57,070
Hey, Lis.

479
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,155
Hey.

480
00:19:58,238 --> 00:19:59,323
I'm sorry I fired you.

481
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,866
Eh, no hard feelings.

482
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,784
A lot of good things
have been happening to me.

483
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,661
-Mm-hmm.
-Thanks, Bart.

484
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,205
I think you might feel better

485
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,248
if you looked at these exit polls.

486
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,667
They find me
a pointy-haired know-it-all.

487
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,587
Yes, but they agreed
with everything you said.

488
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:14,922
What are you getting at?

489
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,799
53% said they'd vote
for a liberal.

490
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,218
Just not you.

491
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,511
Huh. You hear that, world?

492
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:24,640
They love my ideas,
just not me!

493
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,975
And that is half the battle!

494
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,435
Ha!

495
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,646
Hello,
I'm elder Anderson Cooper.

496
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,022
Welcome to our first debate

497
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,774
between Republican
Isabel Gutiérrez

498
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,943
and Lisa Simpson, representing

499
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,654
the Democratic
Robot Zombie Coalition.

500
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,906
First question:
Ms. Simpson, what would you do

501
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:43,408
to get America
out of Afghanistan?

502
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:46,745
I'd just throw in the towel
and make it a state.

503
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:49,122
That's our girl.

504
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,499
(toots twice)

505
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,420
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

506
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,217
Subtitled by Jimmy Boots