1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,754
<i>CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,214
(exclaims anxiously)

3
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299
{\an8}(theme music playing)

4
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,636
(exclaims)

5
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)

6
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)

7
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,065
(playing glissandos on harp)

8
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:30,739
(playing random melody)

9
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,198
(tires screech)

10
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,243
D'oh!

11
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,620
-(tires screech)
-(grunts)

12
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,209
(cowboy melody plays on harmonica)

13
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,210
(ethereal chord chimes)

14
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,712
(strumming guitar)

15
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,213
(whale singing)

16
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,715
(eerie melody plays)

17
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:50,216
(jaunty circus music playing)

18
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,760
(hoarse barking)

19
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:53,261
(electric guitar plays surf riff)

20
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:54,929
(footsteps thudding)

21
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,569
(remote shattering)

22
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:20,872
<i>NARRATOR: High above Zenith City,</i>

23
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,291
<i>Radioactive Man keeps a lonely vigil!</i>

24
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,459
<i>RADIOACTIVE MAN:</i>
<i>All seems quiet.</i>

25
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,419
<i>Maybe I'll fly to China</i>
<i>and get some takeout.</i>

26
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,255
(gasps) A sky tweet
from Commissioner Sweeney!

27
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:33,593
{\an8}This looks like a job for
@radioactiveman_01.

28
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,553
{\an8}(whooshing)

29
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,473
{\an8}Leaping Leptons!
It's the Fossil Fuel Four!

30
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:39,891
{\an8}Old King Coal...

31
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,726
{\an8}Petroleus Rex...

32
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,437
{\an8}French Femme Fatale
Charcoal Briquette...

33
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,233
{\an8}and the enemy of
drinking water everywhere,

34
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,902
{\an8}-the Fracker.
-(grunting with effort)

35
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,447
{\an8}Stop attacking the nuclear plant--

36
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,658
{\an8}this country's safest energy source!

37
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,910
{\an8}Studies show I'm America's best hope

38
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:01,246
{\an8}for energy independence. (laughs)

39
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:04,165
{\an8}Those studies were industry financed.

40
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,834
{\an8}You lie!

41
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,002
{\an8}Holy Hedrons! I need backup!

42
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,881
{\an8}Calling Citizen Solar
and his sidekick Wind Lad.

43
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,343
{\an8}(French accent) I believe you will
find them lacking in energy.

44
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,262
{\an8}It's too cloudy.

45
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:20,598
{\an8}People don't like the noise I make.

46
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:21,933
{\an8}Ehhh...

47
00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:26,896
{\an8}Petroleus Rex,
please remember when you used to be

48
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,940
{\an8}Environmental Scientist Rex Bernstein.

49
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:32,443
{\an8}I have become my destiny.

50
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,700
{\an8}(grunts, groans)

51
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,371
{\an8}I'll crush you like a gnat, King Coal.

52
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,125
{\an8}(shouting in pain)

53
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,043
{\an8}(grunting with effort)

54
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,795
{\an8}(shouting)

55
00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,888
{\an8}Half life.

56
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,764
{\an8}Quar... ter life.

57
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,600
{\an8}Eighth life.

58
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,393
{\an8}Gone.

59
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,104
{\an8}Frack-cellent!

60
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,814
{\an8}(laughs sinisterly)

61
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,860
{\an8}They killed off Radioactive Man?

62
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,737
{\an8}I did not see that coming.

63
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,406
{\an8}Die-caramba!

64
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,533
{\an8}They'll just reboot Radioactive Man

65
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,327
{\an8}in an overpriced new origin issue

66
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,995
{\an8}and get clueless fanboys like you

67
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,830
{\an8}to line up at midnight to buy them.

68
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,374
{\an8}Clueless fanboys in costume.

69
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,335
{\an8}(text alert chimes)

70
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,879
{\an8}MILHOUSE: Wow! Midnight.

71
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:35,590
{\an8}I won't know which day
to write in my diary.

72
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:36,841
{\an8}-Homer.
-What?

73
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,177
{\an8}Will you take me to buy a comic book
Tuesday at midnight?

74
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,262
{\an8}And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel?

75
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,264
{\an8}That's when he experiments, boy.

76
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,392
{\an8}Oh, you never watched an episode
of Jimmy Kimmel in your life.

77
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,312
{\an8}Yes, I have.
After the Oscars, when he forces you.

78
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,900
{\an8}(Ralph Wiggum singing
random melody)

79
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,070
{\an8}-(bell dings)
-(all cheering, clapping)

80
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,488
{\an8}Quiet. Quiet!

81
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,407
{\an8}And attention please,
valued customers.

82
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,368
{\an8}You will each be allowed
to enter the store,

83
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,245
{\an8}and buy one copy.

84
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,372
{\an8}Swallow your gum, now.

85
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:08,414
{\an8}(all gulp)

86
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,501
{\an8}MILHOUSE: Oh. Oh.
Mr. Book Guy, can I go first?

87
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,504
{\an8}I was once cast to play
Fallout Boy in a movie.

88
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,256
{\an8}Tell it to Harlan Ellison.

89
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,591
{\an8}I think you over-privileged kids

90
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,302
{\an8}with your electronic tablets
and your talking phones

91
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:25,265
{\an8}wouldn't know a good piece of fiction
if your iPod read it to your ass.

92
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,684
I wish someone would have
come from the future

93
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,727
and warned me not to talk to you.

94
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,187
That's my idea!

95
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,772
You're stealing my idea!

96
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:33,940
Sorry.

97
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,619
C-B-G.
What's the happs, my man?

98
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,871
{\an8}Well, well, well, if it isn't Milo,

99
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,708
{\an8}the owner of my main competitor,
Coolsville.

100
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,960
Or should I say, "Foolsville."

101
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:57,005
That is some tasty cashish, my friend.

102
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,674
Indeed.
And how did you spend your evening?

103
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:00,883
Um... let's see.

104
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,885
I wrote a <i>Lost </i>fan fiction finale

105
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,638
that also answers
all the questions from <i>Twin Peaks.</i>

106
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,474
Reranked all the <i>Doctor Whos</i>
by puffiness of the hair.

107
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,728
Oh, and I also got married
to my actual, non-imaginary,

108
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,564
comic-tolerating girlfriend,
Strawberry.

109
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,817
Now when Milo talks to himself,
it won't seem crazy.

110
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,570
So, Milo talks to himself.

111
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,989
We will treasure that information.

112
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:26,159
Yes... we will.

113
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,828
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna share this primo

114
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:31,164
origin ish with my <i>bride.</i>

115
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,541
Even the mintiest comic
is just acidifying pulp,

116
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,251
if you have no one
to read it with, right?

117
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,170
Nerds don't get girls!

118
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,755
These days they do, man.

119
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:42,008
-Comic-Con is now 8% women.
-STRAWBERRY: Burn!

120
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,260
Wrong... wrong!

121
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,220
Wro-- Or is he?

122
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,014
Come on, buddy,
I gotta get home

123
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,932
and climb into bed
with my loving wife.

124
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,518
Oh, right.
You have a loving wife.

125
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,854
Oh, Marge and I get along perfect.

126
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:58,149
We're like George Burns
and John Denver.

127
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,778
Oh, man!

128
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:04,781
Carrying these kids
is hard on my back.

129
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,407
Oh!

130
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,618
Oh, yeah! And now to Moe's.

131
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,662
Look at him. Look.
He's got family... friends.

132
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,830
What do I have?

133
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,958
Oof. <i>Jimmy Olsen vs. Matter Eater Lad.</i>

134
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,920
Hm. This is better than
I remembered, actually.

135
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,464
No! No, it isn't! It-It's horrible!

136
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:25,093
(moans) The only thing that could make
this moment more cliched,

137
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,428
is if I started to sing
about my feelings.

138
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,389
And... here I go.

139
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:32,225
(slow, melancholy intro)

140
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:35,353
<i>♪ I've always been happy ♪</i>

141
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:38,398
<i>♪ To call myself single ♪</i>

142
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:41,401
<i>♪ No Mary Jane or Lois Lane ♪</i>

143
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,320
<i>♪ With whom I'd co-mingle ♪</i>

144
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,408
<i>♪ You could say that I was ♪</i>

145
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,828
<i>♪ An unstackable Pringle ♪</i>

146
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,667
<i>♪ I've got originals signed ♪</i>

147
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,837
<i>♪ By Siegel and Shuster ♪</i>

148
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,506
<i>♪ But they don't satisfy ♪</i>

149
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:08,302
<i>♪ In the way that they used-ter ♪</i>

150
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:11,681
<i>♪ It really don't matter</i>
<i>if you've got a Cap Anson ♪</i>

151
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,684
<i>♪ If you spend your nights</i>
<i>in your underwear prancin' ♪</i>

152
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:18,229
<i>♪ With your cardboard standee</i>
<i>of Scarlett Johansson ♪</i>

153
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:21,858
(yelling, grunting)

154
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,154
<i>♪ Guess I've always been lonely ♪</i>

155
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:29,198
<i>♪ But I've never revealed it ♪</i>

156
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,368
<i>♪ Dropped my heart into Mylar ♪</i>

157
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,579
<i>♪ And then... (sobs) ♪</i>

158
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:39,542
<i>♪ Vacuum sealed it ♪</i>

159
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,794
(quiet sigh)

160
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,922
Stan Lee!

161
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,632
Or, is it my imagination?

162
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,301
I'm your imagination.

163
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,303
The real Stan Lee's over there.

164
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,679
Excelsior!

165
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,975
But listen,
as comic book guys go,

166
00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:58,978
you're trim, friendly,
and quite a catch.

167
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:03,649
-(laughs)
-But now, your opportunity is knocking.

168
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:07,361
Huh?

169
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,447
Don't let it slip by.

170
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,866
-Can you help me?
-I can only watch.

171
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,327
I cannot interfere.

172
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,830
<i>New Radioactive Man</i>
number one, please.

173
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,458
Come on, nudnik. Ask her out.

174
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,752
-You're interfering.
-Hey, I'm 90 years old.

175
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,670
I can do what I want.

176
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,471
Um... er... stammer. Eh...

177
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:36,098
C-Can I sign you up
for our frequent buyer's club?

178
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,725
The <i>Just Us League?</i>

179
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,602
You would be member number 003.

180
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,479
I-- I am the first two.

181
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:45,024
Sure.
I am Kumiko Nakamura from Osaka.

182
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,443
I am visiting America's saddest cities,

183
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,530
as research
for my autobiographical manga.

184
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,824
<i>Volume Six, Springfield.</i>

185
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,493
<i>Land of Angry Tears.</i>

186
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,745
That's you.

187
00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,748
The man with sparkling eyes
and zigzag beard.

188
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:04,126
-You have seen me before?
-Yes. Through window.

189
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,503
But you don't see me.

190
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:08,673
You're either looking down in disgust,
or up in disdain.

191
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,883
I think you have great soul.

192
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,427
Would you permit me to go in the back,
and do a brief inventory?

193
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,972
(muffled)
She tolerates me!

194
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,268
Ah... is it too soon to give you
flowers in a Hulk hand?

195
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,020
It is the perfect time.

196
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,315
-(doorbell rings)
-(humming happily)

197
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,150
Hmm? Bart!

198
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,027
Your comic vendor's here.

199
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,405
Uh, actually,
it is you that I am here to see.

200
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,615
I, um, I need your help.

201
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,659
I am getting ready for a date.
(stammers)

202
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,413
The closest thing I have to a father
is the Obi-Wan doll in my store.

203
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,707
And he comes from a race
of celibate knights.

204
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,750
-So...
-I will help you.

205
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,503
As long as our bellies
never touch again

206
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,297
like they are right now.

207
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,048
{\an8}BOTH: Ew!

208
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,800
{\an8}-(Marge groans)
-Why pick me?

209
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,344
Because you are the only
fat man in real life

210
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,804
who ever got a hot woman.

211
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,306
-Hey.
-Ooh... (laughs)

212
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,932
Well, come in.

213
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,809
I'll explain how it all works.

214
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:05,146
Okay, it helps if she's got a mother
she's trying to get back at.

215
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:09,859
Aw... no woman will be able
to resist you dressed like this.

216
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,195
Now, remember,
don't be the way you normally are,

217
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,865
and sustain that
for the rest of your life.

218
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:19,410
Kumiko, uh, meet my dear friends
uh, Homer and Marge Simpson.

219
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:23,289
In my country, it is a tradition to bring
a much older couple on a first date.

220
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,125
It is not in any way
weird or-or sad.

221
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,586
Does anyone tell you
that you look like the man

222
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,421
on a box of Mr. Sparkle?

223
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,840
<i>Aka ni taishte burei da!</i>

224
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,509
<i>Yogore o yaburu!</i>

225
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,511
In Japan, drinking your detergent

226
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,597
is a popular method of suicide.

227
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,432
(gasps) <i>Honki da yo?!</i>

228
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:49,190
Kumiko, for you, we chose
the coolest restaurant in town.

229
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,442
But the walls
are covered with garbage.

230
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:52,777
MARGE: Oh...

231
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,197
Not garbage, Americana.

232
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,036
Here's some more Americana
that bubbled up in the swamp.

233
00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:06,791
Here you go-- your All-American
Fifty State Potato Skin Sampler.

234
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:09,460
Okay-- Wisconsin, cheddar.

235
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,961
Maryland, blue crab.

236
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,714
They're neither in alphabetical
nor geographical order.

237
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,716
What-What madness is this?

238
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,512
Please, sir, ask your questions
after all 50 "tates."

239
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:26,060
I cannot hide the snide inside.

240
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:27,728
Oh. I don't mind.

241
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,606
If you think it's stupid,
say it's stupid.

242
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,691
Really?

243
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,193
In Japan, no one ever says
what they think.

244
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,237
We know our game shows
are degrading

245
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,239
and our baseball fences
are too close.

246
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,658
-But no one says anything.
-(gasps)

247
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,660
-Attention, restaurateurs!
-(diners murmuring)

248
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:46,414
You should've spent less on the kitsch,
and more on the kitch-en.

249
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:49,291
With this bowl
of Chuck's Cherokee Salsa,

250
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,878
I baptize you mediocre at best.

251
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:57,508
(laughs) American nerd snark
is the finest in the world.

252
00:11:57,591 --> 00:12:00,261
Let's go walking
and mocking in the rain.

253
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:01,429
I'm in love!

254
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,639
And, yet, still a little bitter.

255
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,641
It's surprising.

256
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,603
(Japanese pop song
"Ponponpon" playing)

257
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,905
<i>JIM-JAM BONKS: Father,</i>
<i>why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?</i>

258
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,078
♪ ♪

259
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,548
(applause)

260
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,345
Marge, Homer,
you have nurtured our love

261
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,806
like Steven Spielberg
nurtured the careers

262
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,433
of Zemeckis and Gale.

263
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,894
-Oh...
-So, we want you to know,

264
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:53,397
I have decided to move in
to the basement under his store.

265
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,274
At last, we'll be in the same bed.

266
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,859
Just like Batman and Robin.

267
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,486
-HOMER: Ohh...
-MARGE: Hmm...

268
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,532
Homer, I want you to take Kumiko
and Comic Book Guy

269
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,243
a housewarming present,
and maybe check in on them?

270
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,995
We talked about this, Marge.

271
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:10,331
The hammock is a chore-free zone.

272
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:14,126
Apparently, including
tying the knots on the hammock.

273
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,215
And getting the termites
out of the trees.

274
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,593
{\an8}-(squeaking)
-Not a word.

275
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,097
(Japanese accent)
Excuse me, sir.

276
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,099
I am looking for my daughter.

277
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,935
I thought this was her residence,

278
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:33,562
but all I see is a store full of, uh,

279
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,272
non-pornographic manga.

280
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,608
(gasps)
You're Kumiko's father?

281
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:39,610
Welcome, sensei.

282
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,362
I am not a kung fu instructor.

283
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,864
I am a humble salary man
who could kick your ass.

284
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,950
Say, has anyone told you
you look like--

285
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,952
I know. Mr. Sparkle.

286
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,411
I was going to say,

287
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,121
like you're going to have a stroke.

288
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,207
(laughs)
I get that a lot, too.

289
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,835
Now, please, where is my daughter?

290
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,379
Okay, she moved in
with her boyfriend.

291
00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,922
Well, he's not a boy.

292
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,007
He's immature.
But, fat and old.

293
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,969
So, an obese nerd
has stolen my daughter

294
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,303
to live in his basement?

295
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,721
I didn't tell you about the basement.

296
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,265
It was an obvious guess!

297
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,599
(bell dings)

298
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,851
(crying)

299
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,771
Daughter!
You are coming back to Japan!

300
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,731
There are 87 old people

301
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,483
who need you to take care of them.

302
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,693
No. Please! Please!

303
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,027
I was becoming cuddly.

304
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,363
I deleted rants from my blog.

305
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,031
You can retrieve rants

306
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,200
if you did not empty your trash.
Good-bye!

307
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:37,835
Now I know I've got a heart...

308
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,253
because it's breaking.

309
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,005
<i>Wizard of Oz </i>reference!

310
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:43,757
Did I do that?
Urkle reference!

311
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,551
(panting) Help me.

312
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:46,719
<i>Fly</i> reference!

313
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,305
(panting)
I can't stop. I can't stop.

314
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,223
Homer Simpson,
this was your doing.

315
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,683
And I want you to fix it.

316
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,560
I have a bad feeling about this!

317
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,812
Every action movie
ever made reference!

318
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,897
Now!

319
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,568
Yeah, Homer,
we have much in common.

320
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:06,405
We both love our daughters,
and discipline our sons.

321
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,824
No... discipline would imply,

322
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,659
I'm trying to make him better.

323
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,119
So... are you married?

324
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:15,080
(sighs)
My dear Michiko has passed away.

325
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,416
But she is always with me.

326
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,668
<i>You promise double suicide.</i>

327
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,879
You hear what you want to hear.

328
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,547
Always with me.

329
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,633
Another drink!
Something stronger!

330
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,053
(creaks)

331
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,559
BARTENDER:
Snake rice wine.

332
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,144
Now, that's disgusting.

333
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,729
Wine made of rice?

334
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:44,693
-Try some.
<i>-Hai.</i>

335
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,032
-(hissing)
-(Homer slurring drunkenly)

336
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,701
(Mr. Nakamura drunkenly laughs)

337
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,871
(slurring)
Why didn't I stop with the snake wine?

338
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,540
Why did I drink the fish wine?

339
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,250
That was the aquarium.

340
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,419
(quiet, gentle melody plays)

341
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,968
(engine humming)

342
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:11,720
(tires screech)

343
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,483
You didn't see nothin'. Scram.

344
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,735
♪ ♪

345
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,981
Uh! I am ruined by whimsy.

346
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:10,654
MILHOUSE'S VOICE: The good thing is,
soon I'll be a beautiful swan.

347
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,116
(cackles)

348
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,618
Aw...

349
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,912
(whimpers)
What's going on here?

350
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,289
BART AND LISA:
We'll explain it.

351
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,249
The rice wine has penetrated

352
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,460
to the essence of your souls.

353
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,128
Yeah, listen to my tail.

354
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,505
-You're the tail!
-No, you're the tail.

355
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,383
Dad! Bart's feet
are on my half of the shell!

356
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,802
-Why, you slimy little--
-Ow!

357
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,054
(both grunting)

358
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,556
-(grunting)
-Ooh. Hey, that actually feels good.

359
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,308
Oh, yeah. More.
A little bit more.

360
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,642
-(shouting)
-Right there. Oh, yeah.

361
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,019
Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

362
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,228
Enough nonsense!

363
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,439
I came here for my daughter!

364
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,651
<i>♪ I am a golden bird ♪</i>

365
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,654
<i>♪ And I love the comic nerd ♪</i>

366
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,282
<i>♪ Of this, I won't be cured ♪</i>

367
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,786
<i>♪ Papa-san, Papa-san ♪</i>

368
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,370
(whimpers)

369
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,999
The monster is me.

370
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,293
Who... 'da thunk it?

371
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,753
(weeping)

372
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,546
(thunder rumbling)

373
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,340
(sighs)

374
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,592
Homer, drinking that snake wine,

375
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:15,969
and going to White Castle afterwards,

376
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,222
really opened my eyes.

377
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,768
Mr. Nakamura,
I have used my hitherto

378
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,020
unmentioned
chemical engineering degree

379
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,565
to get a real job
at the Springfield Phosphate Works.

380
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,400
They're giant polluters.

381
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,903
But... the CEO is a woman.

382
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,279
It's very vexing.

383
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:37,908
Now, have I proven myself
worthy of your daughter?

384
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:40,661
-No.
-Please, take your time.

385
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:41,870
You were worthy!

386
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,664
The way you were.

387
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:44,998
I-- I was?

388
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,291
But I rented the store.

389
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,918
I eBayed my stool.

390
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,086
Cancel the sale.

391
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,505
But then my seller rating
will go down...

392
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,590
-Stop being nerd!
-Yes, Papa-san.

393
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,847
Geekly beloved,

394
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,391
we are gathered here
in the eyes of me,

395
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,810
king of the cameos, Stan Lee,

396
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,521
to celebrate the wedding
of Comic Book Guy

397
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,606
and Kumiko Nakamura.

398
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,067
Does anyone
wish to offer any thoughts

399
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,361
on this blessed occasion?

400
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:17,030
Yes. (clears throat)
I-I-I would like to say something.

401
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,658
Um, since I met Kumiko, strangely,

402
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:22,161
comic books no longer
seem so important.

403
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,580
I will also be selling greeting cards.

404
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:26,540
And, every day,
I will give one to Kumiko

405
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,793
in commemoration of today,
with the salutation,

406
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:32,754
"Best... Day... Ever."

407
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,965
SIMPSONS: Aw...

408
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:37,551
Ghost Wife, are you happy?

409
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:38,802
Kind of!

410
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,804
(traditional Japanese music playing)

411
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:58,822
MILHOUSE:
How long am I gonna stay this way?

412
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,742
As long as we keep drinkin' this.

413
00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,120
Give us your eggs.

414
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,496
I'm a boy.

415
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,998
We said eggs.

416
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,046
(all laughing)

417
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:16,632
Yes!

418
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,554
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

419
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935
Subtitled by Tony Dukes