1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,339 -CHOIR: ♪ Simcraft ♪ -(crow squawks) 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,425 (The Simpsons theme playing in 8-bit audio) 3 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,348 (crackling) 4 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:23,481 Yeah, how ya doin'? 5 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,691 (explosion thunders) 6 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,617 {\an8}(snoring loudly) 7 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,202 {\an8}(tires screech, horn honks) 8 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,287 {\an8}H-Hey, what? 9 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:40,373 {\an8}Oh! Oh, cleats! 10 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,417 {\an8}(sighs) Homie, what happened? 11 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:46,254 {\an8}Uh... maybe some easy-listening music 12 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,423 {\an8}will make you feel better about the story. 13 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,550 {\an8}Turn on 89.9. 14 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,427 {\an8}-(Marge grumbles) -(easy listening music playing) 15 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,764 {\an8}Like most of my problems, it all started at Moe's... 16 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,932 CARL: All right, so the rules are 17 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,268 {\an8}every time the news guy says "senator," 18 00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:01,728 {\an8}we got to take a drink. 19 00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,313 {\an8}Huh. It'll be nice to let someone else decide 20 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,398 {\an8}when I drink-- too much pressure. 21 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,483 {\an8}(news theme playing) 22 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,485 {\an8}(quietly) Uh, yeah, Channel Six tip line? 23 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,154 {\an8}I just caught two senators doin' it in the alley. 24 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,364 {\an8}Uh, me? I'm just a reliable source. 25 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,366 {\an8}Not "sauce," "source." 26 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,827 {\an8}Source! S-A-U-R-C-E! 27 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,164 We have heard from a very reliable sauce 28 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,458 news involving multiple senators. 29 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,210 I'm going to read a list of senators, 30 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,754 with possibly more senators to be named later 31 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,381 by other senators: Senator Abercrombie, 32 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:33,134 Senator Billingsley, Senator Beaumont... 33 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}(snickers) 34 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,807 {\an8}Hmm? Oh, damn, the plaster's flaking again. 35 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,310 {\an8}HOMER: Once intoxicated, we had a great idea. 36 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:43,770 {\an8}Hey! Swings! 37 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,190 {\an8}(laughing) I'm a kid again! 38 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,109 {\an8}(laughing) 39 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,610 {\an8}Oh... gah... 40 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:51,778 {\an8}I'll save you! 41 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:53,863 {\an8}(grunts) 42 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,406 {\an8}(grunting) 43 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,992 {\an8}Oh, the only way out is in! 44 00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,577 {\an8}Hey, look at me! 45 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,746 {\an8}I'm going up a slide! 46 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,915 {\an8}BOTH (chanting): Homer! Homer! 47 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,667 {\an8}Best recess ever! 48 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,252 {\an8}-(shouts) -(clang) 49 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:08,169 {\an8}-Whoa. -(gasps) 50 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,921 {\an8}Help me, guys! Guys? 51 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:11,005 {\an8}(grunting) 52 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,966 {\an8}Don't worry, Homer, I'll call the cops! 53 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,175 {\an8}I'll write my senator. 54 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,427 {\an8}-Senator! -Senator! 55 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,180 {\an8}Oh, am I gonna die on a playground, 56 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,475 {\an8}like some uncoordinated child? 57 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,186 {\an8}But I did learn something from all this: 58 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:29,315 {\an8}the sprinklers in this park come on at 3:00 a.m. 59 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,152 {\an8}Hey, thanks for throwing the ball back. 60 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,444 {\an8}Really. 61 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,863 {\an8}(sighs) 62 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,031 {\an8}I'll come back with the fire truck. 63 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,784 {\an8}I just have to get the kids to school first. 64 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,202 {\an8}Oh, are the kids with you? 65 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,370 {\an8}-LISA: Hi, Dad. -BART: Homer. 66 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:44,831 {\an8}Hey, guys! Why are you ducked-down like that? 67 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,791 {\an8}BART: Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom. 68 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,459 {\an8}LISA: At least we hope it's bottom. 69 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,379 {\an8}Don't worry, it's bottom, all right. 70 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:52,881 (grunts) 71 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:55,717 (Marge groans) 72 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:56,926 BART: And that's why 73 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,469 I was tardy today. 74 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,305 And with that tardiness, you have at last crossed 75 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:03,224 the boundary where I can legally apply physical discipline. 76 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,893 Willie, cut me a switch! 77 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,562 What about the one your ma used on you? 78 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,564 It, uh, broke on my buttocks. 79 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:13,401 Serves you right for eating jam straight out of the jar. 80 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:17,238 Damn it! That's not even a swivel chair. 81 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:21,451 Skate, skate as fast as you can. 82 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,912 But I'll catch you-- I'm the Principal Man! 83 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,039 That's the kind of education you're missing. 84 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,585 (car backfiring) 85 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,170 Oh, no. Uphill. 86 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,130 The one place my car can't go. 87 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,590 (gears grinding) 88 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,175 (steam hissing) 89 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,095 Uh, would you like a quote? 90 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,430 Uh, yes. 91 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:44,724 "Some cause happiness wherever they go; 92 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:47,602 others whenever they go." Oscar Wilde. 93 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:50,063 Uh, P.S. Your car is totaled. 94 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,150 Whew! Safe. 95 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,236 JAILBIRD: Oh, not totally. 96 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,403 Whoa! 97 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,072 What-What are you doing in here? 98 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,657 Hiding from the cops. 99 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,992 Well, I can't have cops sniffing around here. 100 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,410 Some of them might be girls. 101 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,162 Can't I just stay a little? 102 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,165 I only committed this robbery to help my kid. 103 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,625 See, this is Jeremy. 104 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,210 I need to get him braces. 105 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,337 I always thought that if I'd had braces, 106 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,089 I'd have smiled more. 107 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,091 Hey, I bet you have a great smile. 108 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,092 Huh? 109 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,385 Ay, caramba! 110 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,303 Bart, Bart, we're in whatchamacallit... 111 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,846 a pursuit! 112 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:24,847 So why'd you come here? 113 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,849 I run a respectable tree house. 114 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,309 Just wondering if you've seen anything. 115 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,354 Uh, word is you'll, uh... you'll snitch for candy. 116 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:34,023 You can't buy me with a candy bar that has coconut. 117 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,859 Then maybe this is more your... neighborhood. 118 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:37,944 Nice real estate. 119 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,362 You got a deal. 120 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,613 So, what do you know? 121 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,826 I saw a guy with a gun and a snake tattoo... 122 00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:47,954 say he was gonna hide out on top of Mount Springfield. 123 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,540 Mount Springfield, eh? 124 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,458 Strap on your crampons, boys! 125 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,003 Eddie! Prepare my litter! 126 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,337 Lou, you are responsible 127 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,424 for my oxygen, food, water and cleaning! 128 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,050 -You have to clean me. -I'll clean you. Yeah. 129 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,093 Dude, thank you. 130 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:03,553 Why did you save me? 131 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,471 We outlaws have to stick together. 132 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,140 Outlaw? You? 133 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,892 Stolen bowling shoes, 3-D glasses, Krusty standee 134 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,145 and this "cage" for my pet. 135 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,063 Oh. What do you feed him? 136 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,648 My A.D.D. meds. 137 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,233 (trilling) 138 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,110 (chuckles) Um, listen, 139 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,988 would you like two tickets to the school musical? 140 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,407 My son plays the butcher. 141 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,075 In Fiddler on the Roof. 142 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,910 I'm busy that night. 143 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,495 Yeah, lucky you. 144 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,914 (indistinct chatter) 145 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:32,915 (grunting) 146 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,334 Huh? 147 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:37,211 (gagging) 148 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,255 (gasps) Are you okay? 149 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,132 Don't put more in there! 150 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,051 -(choking) -Going for the record. 151 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,428 -(choking) -What record? Stupidest death? 152 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,263 Aah! 153 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,265 (grunting) 154 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,683 Blagh! 155 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,518 Merci beaucoup! 156 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,770 Oh, well, you're very wel... 157 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,480 That's French for "hello." 158 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:58,274 -Actually, I think it... -Lucas Bortner, competitive eater. 159 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,151 A fat kid with a dream? 160 00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,028 I can't compete with that. 161 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,739 What does a competitive eater eat? 162 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:08,242 All the glamour foods: pizza, boiled eggs, chicken wings 163 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:11,704 and the big enchilada, which is not enchiladas but hot dogs. 164 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,456 69 hot dogs is the current record. 165 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,124 As the great Kobayashi says, 166 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,543 "Detekurutoki itaiyo." 167 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,128 What does that mean? 168 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,630 "That's gonna hurt coming out." 169 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:23,216 Is Kobayashi the number one, um, uh... 170 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,343 The correct term is "gurgitator." 171 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,220 I won't be using the correct term then. 172 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,889 Virtually everyone uses his technique: Japanesing. 173 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,766 Shall I demonstrate? 174 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:35,103 Um, why don't I just go sit alone... Oh, you're doing it. 175 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,271 Ready, set... 176 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,107 Japanese! 177 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:41,901 (choking) 178 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,361 (grunting, groaning) 179 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:44,529 That's not going down. 180 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:45,655 (gagging) 181 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,031 This happens from time to time. 182 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,700 Maybe this isn't the sport for you. 183 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,035 It's not a sport. 184 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,703 It's my life. 185 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,664 {\an8}Aw, he's sweet. 186 00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:56,707 {\an8}(chuckles) What am I doing? 187 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,793 {\an8}He's just Ralph with a dream. 188 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,670 {\an8}The dream of not ralphing. 189 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,881 {\an8}But I'm sure I could totally change and fix him. 190 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,926 -Can I join you for lunch? -Um, sure. 191 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,469 How many whole pizzas would you like? 192 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,888 Um, can I just have a slice? 193 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,974 Interesting technique. (chuckles) 194 00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,436 BART: Whoa. 195 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,439 You didn't tell me you had a PlayStadium 4! 196 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:22,066 It's the first I've seen it. 197 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,569 Something's fishy, Bart. 198 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,487 Where's the gift receipt? 199 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,657 Where's the packet of desiccant that says "Do not eat"? 200 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,742 And, believe me, you shouldn't. 201 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:35,663 I have a feeling this PlayStadium was liberated 202 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:39,667 from its previous owner and given to me in gratitude. 203 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:40,960 Liberated? 204 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,753 You mean "stolen"? 205 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,755 You can't spell "crime" without "me." 206 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,757 C-R-I... 207 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:47,717 (gasps) 208 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,677 There it is, at the end! 209 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:50,761 (doorbell rings) 210 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,431 Oh, hi. Is-is Lisa home? 211 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,474 Yes, she is. 212 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,766 And who are you? 213 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,768 Lucas. 214 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,145 It's pronounced "Luca-dollar." 215 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,480 That's my competition name. 216 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,898 I'm a competitive eater. 217 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,357 HOMER: Competitive eater? 218 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,818 Did I hear right? I could be a competitive eater? 219 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,528 No! You didn't hear anything! 220 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,697 Yes, I did! I heard "competitive eater"! 221 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,950 It's for people who haven't had heart problems. 222 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,453 Then that makes me the Jackie Robinson of the sport, 223 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:18,498 and you are the racist Philadelphia manager. 224 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,292 Quit comparing me to Ben Chapman. 225 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,045 I will when you open your mind to change! 226 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:25,463 Oh...! 227 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,381 So, what should we practice: 228 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,300 um, Vienna sausage; 229 00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:31,677 blueberry pie, short form; 230 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,763 oatmeal, long course; 231 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,724 freestyle baked beans; catfish-- ooh! 232 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:37,934 Cow brains. 233 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,061 Beans, beans! We'll do beans. 234 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,191 Hmm. Never saw the pork eat the beans before. 235 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,401 (both laugh) 236 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:51,989 Actually, I'm a little surprised Lisa likes him. 237 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,157 Really! 238 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,784 Justin Blobber over there 239 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,577 doesn't remind you of anyone? 240 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,956 $800 to cut me out of that slide?! 241 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,583 It's all about the money with those firemen. 242 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,336 Women marry their fathers, Marge. 243 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,673 So you just might be meeting your future "ton-in-law." 244 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,341 (both laughing) 245 00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,176 Ton-in-law. 246 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,011 God bless us. 247 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,597 (gasps) You can do better. 248 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,440 (Homer snoring) 249 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,067 MARGE: My sisters are nuts. 250 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,194 I'm happy being married to Homer. 251 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,530 Most of the time. 252 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,490 (groans) 253 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,742 (barking) 254 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,455 Ooh! What the...? 255 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,873 (sighs) 256 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:46,085 (Rossini's "The Thieving Magpie" playing) 257 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,171 ♪ ♪ 258 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,136 (slurps) 259 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,269 (yelling) 260 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,649 Meep, meep! 261 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,901 (descending whistle) 262 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,906 (gunshot) 263 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,620 Hmm... 264 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,956 Maybe you're not cut out for competitive eating. 265 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,958 Are you calling me not fat? 266 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,960 No, I'm just... I... 267 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,671 Maybe you just haven't found the right food, huh? 268 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,214 How 'bout ice cream? 269 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,466 Yes! 270 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,635 I will lay some hurt on that cream. 271 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,304 {\an8}Oh, my God! Brain freeze! 272 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,056 {\an8}Oh, my God. 273 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,266 {\an8}Kick me in the head till I pass out. 274 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,603 Harder! I'm still conscious! 275 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,313 You must kick me harder. 276 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:56,072 Okay, honey, I made you pork chops just like you like 'em. 277 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,240 -Twenty. -Thanks, babe. 278 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,202 Sorry you had to drop out of college to feed me full-time. 279 00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,828 Now give us a kiss. 280 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,708 (muffled screaming) 281 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,543 (gasps deeply) 282 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,381 What the...? 283 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,676 Oh, yawn. 284 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,718 Another freebie. 285 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,470 Better be a 64 gig. 286 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,473 Huh? It's full of lame apps: 287 00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:25,559 Bully Avoider, Nosebook, Insta-Grandma. 288 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,062 This was stolen from Milhouse! 289 00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,647 From my backpack. 290 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,899 Where Puppy Goo-Goo sleeps. 291 00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:34,902 Maybe it's time to tell me exactly what's going on. 292 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,320 Relax. 293 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,156 Listen to the music of this bubble game. 294 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,158 (gentle music plays) 295 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:45,371 So peaceful. 296 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,415 No! I won't let this go! 297 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,501 It's time you told me how you've been getting all this stuff. 298 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:51,794 (sighs) 299 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:55,548 I helped Snake out of a jam so he paid me back in stolen stuff. 300 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,383 It was an honorable arrangement. 301 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,301 But I never thought he'd steal from you. 302 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,928 Snake, eh? 303 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,596 I never would've suspected 304 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:06,100 the one criminal in town. 305 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,018 (chuckles) 306 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,937 You seem stressed. 307 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,063 You want to suck some Squishee? 308 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,857 -Sure. -(whooshing) 309 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:13,899 Mmm! 310 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,651 Careful. It's uncut syrup. 311 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,820 They give it to horses before they race. 312 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,530 (sucking, slurping) 313 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,079 {\an8}BROCKMAN: Jailbird, AKA Snake. 314 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,080 {\an8}That's his real name. 315 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,499 {\an8}Albert Knickerbocker Aloysius Snake-- 316 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,418 has been arrested for a series of thefts and may be 317 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,837 put to death under a controversial new statute. 318 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:35,921 (gasps) 319 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,423 Yeah, we had a law stating 320 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,508 "Three strikes and you're out." 321 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,677 But I thought it was... (singsongy) "You're out." 322 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,012 So I let people go. 323 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,557 So now it's "Four balls and you walk. 324 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,768 Right to the electric chair." 325 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,936 It's, uh, much clearer, Kent. 326 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,772 Bart, I'm so sorry. 327 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,025 I just wanted to ruin his life, not end it. 328 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,485 You ratted him out? 329 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,278 (groans) He's got a kid. 330 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:00,488 A kid?! 331 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,656 I was crushed when I lost my dad, 332 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,618 and all he did was move to the Holiday Inn. 333 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:09,413 I can still see him smoking on the balcony. 334 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,624 He looked like he missed something. 335 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,626 Maybe me. 336 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:16,170 So you see, we can't let Jailbird fry. 337 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:19,006 Time for the Sleepover Detectives. 338 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,674 I didn't say there'd be a sleepover. 339 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,761 Too bad, 'cause I'm wearing my pajamas under my clothes. 340 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,888 And my swimsuit under those. 341 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,557 One day it'll all pay off. 342 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,975 (Homer humming jauntily) 343 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,646 Oh! There's my magazine. 344 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:34,855 Why, look at this. 345 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,817 "What every father should do for his daughter." 346 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,362 Oh, Marge, if you want me to do something, just tell me. 347 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,155 {\an8}Don't hide behind a magazine. 348 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,741 {\an8}Right. Right, right, right. According to Judy Kleinsmith, 349 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,952 {\an8}a professional freelance writer, 350 00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:51,288 {\an8}fathers should take their daughters out on little dinner dates 351 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,749 {\an8}and treat them like a gentleman would. 352 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:57,711 Then she'll expect the same from the men in her future. 353 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,213 Wait, let me get this straight: 354 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:02,091 Sit and eat? That's my punishment? 355 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,926 It's not a punishment. 356 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,053 But you can't just eat dinner. 357 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:09,348 You have to be gentlemanly and attentive. 358 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,350 Oh, I can fake attentive. 359 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,853 {\an8}I've been watching a football game this whole discussion. 360 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,896 Not fake attentive. 361 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,273 Real attentive. 362 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,400 Okay, okay. I'll make it fun. 363 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,569 I'll take her to that crab place. 364 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,612 All the crabs you could smash. 365 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,865 You know Lisa's a vegetarian. 366 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,366 She can smash a salad. 367 00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:31,161 No. Homer, you can't just do the things you want to do. 368 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:34,957 You have to act like someone you'd want Lisa to marry. 369 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,043 If you just act like yourself, she might just... 370 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,211 um... 371 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,755 Oh, you know... um... 372 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,549 She might marry someone like me? 373 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,802 You think that would be bad. 374 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,512 Homie, I love you. 375 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,264 But you can be a challenge, 376 00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,474 like doing the Daily Jumble. 377 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,102 Marge, you are comparing me 378 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:58,230 to the most infuriating thing in the newspaper! 379 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,732 Well, I was just trying to... 380 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,400 -Oh... -I'm sleeping on 381 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,068 Flanders' couch tonight. 382 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,778 Ours is crap. 383 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,071 (door shuts) 384 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,745 So Marge says I gotta ask Lisa on a date. 385 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:15,164 Sure you remember how to ask out a girl, Homer? 386 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,750 Yeah, you've been out of the game a long time there. 387 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,126 Guys, lay off Homer. 388 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,502 Now you quit stalling 389 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,879 and call your daughter like a man. 390 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,256 Oh... it feels weird. 391 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,216 Just ask your daughter to have dinner with you. 392 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,218 What is the big deal? 393 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,386 Ah, he's doing it! 394 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,721 He's calling a girl. 395 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:32,222 -Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God... -(line ringing) 396 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,432 Oh, it's ringing. 397 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:34,808 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 398 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:35,809 LISA: Hello? 399 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,519 Uh, hello. Lisa? 400 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,063 I know your brother and... 401 00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:40,064 Oh! 402 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,315 Stupid, stupid, stupid! 403 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:42,858 Calm down, calm down. 404 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:43,901 She doesn't know it's you. 405 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:44,902 (phone ringing) 406 00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:46,070 Ah! Hide! Hide! 407 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,696 (Moe sighs) 408 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,156 Uh, hello? 409 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:51,951 Oh, sure, Lisa, uh, your dad's right here. 410 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,080 Dad? Did you just call? 411 00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,874 Uh, yeah. Hey, listen, your mom thinks 412 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,793 that maybe you and I 413 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,504 should have dinner together sometime. 414 00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:04,922 Just the two of us? 415 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,924 Ah, yeah, I knew you'd think it's dumb. 416 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,008 I'd love that. 417 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,343 See you tonight. 418 00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:10,511 (whoops) 419 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,679 I got a date with my daughter! 420 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,472 Yeah, we all been there. 421 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:16,600 No need to act like you just invented air conditioning. 422 00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:21,563 So, you see, Chief, 423 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,066 Snake wasn't stealing that stuff out of greed. 424 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,610 He was stealing it to thank me. 425 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,903 Plea denied. 426 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,114 Warm up the electric chair, Lou. 427 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,491 You're not done yet? 428 00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,284 The instructions are in Swedish, Chief. 429 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,203 We got this from IKILLYA. 430 00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,122 Yo, I totally speak Swedish. 431 00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,081 Fluently? 432 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,708 Um, ja. 433 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,126 All right, do what he says, Lou. 434 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,044 -But, Chief... -But-but-but. 435 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,922 Quit arguing and give him the little wrench. 436 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:47,965 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. 437 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,383 Let him out, Lou. Let him out. 438 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,885 But Chief, we got guns; he's got a little wrench. 439 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,137 It's cold! 440 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,763 Y... oh... (sighs, groans) 441 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,056 All right. 442 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,393 (Wiggum whimpers, groans) 443 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,061 Thanks for coming down, Bart. 444 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,814 You won't need to save me a third time. 445 00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:04,898 You're going straight? 446 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,651 If I get caught, it's suicide by cop. 447 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,653 Oh, I don't like the sound of that. 448 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,905 It means I get you to shoot me, dude. 449 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,158 Yeah, still sounds like a lot of paperwork. 450 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,495 Hair volumizer?! 451 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,997 Cologne?! 452 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,041 Hello, Marjorie. 453 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,125 Homie. 454 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,210 You look like an NBA coach. 455 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,212 Yes, well, it's a special evening, 456 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,340 and I thought it best not to look like a monkey. 457 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,842 Mm! 458 00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,135 Don't worry. 459 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,845 I won't embarrass you. 460 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,847 I will put my napkin in my lap, 461 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,016 I will use the utensils provided for me, 462 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:40,893 and if I our food is slow in coming, 463 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,686 I will "blow my stack" 464 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:46,190 in a manner befitting the Earl of Yarborough. 465 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,358 All right, you've made your point. 466 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,902 Hey, I can't screw this up 467 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,197 or Lisa will get stuck with someone like me. 468 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,492 Homie, I don't have a problem with you. 469 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,453 Except your buttons are off one. 470 00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:01,830 Actually, this is a collar button, see? 471 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,207 It goes like this... 472 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,085 Tuh! Is there no end to your fault-finding? 473 00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,046 Maggie, help me with this shirt. 474 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,547 (groans) 475 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,508 (laughing) 476 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,259 So Mr. Burns never realized 477 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,553 it was Maggie who saved the plant? 478 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,596 Nope. 479 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:18,806 Now, how's that drink? 480 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,474 Can I Temple up that Shirley? 481 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,142 Oh, I'm fine. 482 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,560 (giggles) 483 00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:24,895 Well, have we decided? 484 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,522 Uh, yeah, help me out here. 485 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,981 What is the normal amount 486 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,316 of entrees per person? 487 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,068 Eh, one, sir. 488 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:32,486 I mean for adults. 489 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:33,529 One. 490 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,406 No, I mean for adult males. 491 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,659 Yes. I repeat, eh, one. 492 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,869 All right, I'll have the lasagna. 493 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,205 All right. Meat or vegetarian? 494 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,915 Oh, uh... Oh... 495 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,291 Vegetarian. 496 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,503 (loud whisper) Can the red sauce be cow blood? 497 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,089 We'll see what we can do. 498 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,298 Is that Mom? 499 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,135 Homer, can you come with me for a minute? 500 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,095 Marge, please, control your jealousy. 501 00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,555 This is your daughter. 502 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,598 We need to have a conversation 503 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,142 in loud whispers. 504 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,977 Uh, excuse me, Lisa. 505 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,312 A friend from high school. 506 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,566 Homie, I felt terrible 507 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,734 when you said I felt stuck with you. 508 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,236 But then I realized: 509 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,280 I am stuck with you. 510 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:19,074 I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. 511 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,994 I'm sorry, that's all very nice. 512 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,079 But I can't forget what you said. 513 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,330 I know, Homie. 514 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,915 I know you well enough to know 515 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,042 you're not ready to forgive me yet. 516 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,044 But I also know you well enough 517 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:34,256 to know that this will work. 518 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,757 Where'd you get that dress? 519 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,969 Remember that sewing machine 520 00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,804 you say I never use? 521 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,849 Well, I sold it and bought this dress. 522 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:44,933 Wow... 523 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,602 Wow, that looks just like 524 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,937 the dress you wore on Project Runway. 525 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,189 Shush-shush-shush. 526 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,315 Oh, right. 527 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:52,983 I mean, this looks like a dress 528 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,693 from a local Springfield store. 529 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,236 All is forgiven. 530 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,988 Let's have dinner. 531 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,367 (clears throat) 532 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,953 Dad, I believe we were on a date? 533 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,372 Oh, of course. You're right, honey. 534 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:10,042 I'll just, um... I'll park it at the bar. 535 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,630 Well, hello. 536 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,716 And your lasagna with cow blood, sir. 537 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:18,926 Thanks, Frenchy. 538 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,637 I'm not French, I'm just pissy. 539 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,391 Lucas. 540 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,435 You're not competitive eating anymore? 541 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,603 No. 542 00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:31,396 I realized that was unrealistic. 543 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,731 Well, that's a relief. 544 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,275 My new goal is to become whatever Adele is. 545 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,903 Just call me Pound-Uca-Dollar. (chuckles) 546 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,197 What if I just taught you how to whistle? 547 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,448 You know how to whistle? 548 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:42,741 Like with your mouth? 549 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:43,700 (whistles) 550 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,285 (blows air) 551 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:46,662 Hey, I'm doing it! 552 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,332 {\an8}(blowing air) 553 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,917 {\an8}I sound just like a bird! 554 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,169 (whistling theme song) 555 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167 -(murmuring) -Shh! 556 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:39,965 Subtitled by Alicia Huberman