1
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,256
<i>CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
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{\an8}(theme music playing)

3
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(exclaims)

4
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(school bell ringing)

5
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(Barney belches)

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-(whistle blows)
-(yells)

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(beeps)

8
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(playing the harp)

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(tires screech)

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D'oh!

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-(tires screech)
-(grunts)

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(electric humming)

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(shouting)

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(robotic voice)
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.

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Family.

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Meet me at...

17
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the kitchen cube.

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D'oh. D'oh.

19
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-D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
-(electric crackling)

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(raspy voice)
I am Simpson.

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I am Simpson. I am Simpson.

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(Bart gurgling)

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(distorted)
Don't... don't have cow, man.

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-I am Simpson. I am Simpson.
-Don't... don't have cow, man.

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-Don't... don't have cow, man.
-I am Simpson. I am Simpson.

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(distorted)
All hail the dark lord of the twin moons.

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-I am Simpson. I am Simpson.
-Don't have cow, man.

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-(gurgling)
-I am Simpson.

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-Cow... man.
-I am Simpson.

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{\an8}I am Simpson.
(Lisa babbling)

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(sucking)

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(low voice)
Make purchase of the merchandise.

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-D'oh.
-Don't have cow, man.

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I have... memories.

35
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<i>I have.... memor... memor...</i>

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(distorted sounds)

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(gentle piano playing)

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(high-pitched voice)
Still love you, Homar.

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(high-pitched, distorted voices)
We are happy family.

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{\an8}(growling sound)

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All animals can scream.

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(low voice)
Make purchase of the merchandise.

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-I am Simpson. I am Simpson.
-Don't have cow, man.

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D'oh.

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{\an8}Three feet, nine inches.
That should do it.

46
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{\an8}Don't you know what kind of animal
we're dealing with?

47
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{\an8}-Okay, enough theory.
-Hey, Dad. We made popcorn.

48
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{\an8}HOMER: Whoo-hoo!

49
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{\an8}Huh? Out of my reach?

50
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{\an8}(grunts) Must... make... effort.

51
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{\an8}(grunting)

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{\an8}(bones crack)

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{\an8}Yay.

54
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{\an8}Mr. Simpson, you earned this.

55
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{\an8}(quiet grunts)

56
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{\an8}What's on TV?

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{\an8}Krusty's getting roasted tonight.

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{\an8}Hey.

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{\an8}(grumbles)

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{\an8}Sometimes the language on these
gets a little B-L-U-E.

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{\an8}What?

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{\an8}Oh.

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{\an8}If you don't let us watch,
we'll just go to a house

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{\an8}where some more
permissive parents will.

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{\an8}How permissive?

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{\an8}Chief Wiggum shows us
crime photos at sleepovers.

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{\an8}So this is what a body looks like

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{\an8}after it drops 60 stories.

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{\an8}Uh, come on, Milhouse,
don't pretend you're asleep.

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{\an8}This is the world we live in.

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{\an8}Yeah.

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{\an8}(crowd laughs over TV)

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{\an8}Hey, Krusty, our local deli
just named a sandwich after you.

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{\an8}It's called "The Unfunny Comedian."

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{\an8}(crowd laughs)

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{\an8}You will always be remembered
for your countless appearances

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{\an8}on the <i>Krusty the Clown Show</i>

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{\an8}and your one appearance on
<i>To Catch A Predator.</i>

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{\an8}(crowd laughs)

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{\an8}Hey, I spent a lifetime
making people happy.

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{\an8}Yeah-- plastic surgeons
and divorce lawyers.

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{\an8}I was just about to say that.

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{\an8}Oh, he took my laugh.

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{\an8}Screw it, I'm doing it anyway.

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{\an8}Plastic surgeons
and divorce lawyers.

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{\an8}(man coughs)

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{\an8}What a legend.
Krusty the Clown is to comedy

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{\an8}what Martin Luther King
is to comedy.

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{\an8}(laughter)

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We've seen a lot of
top-flight comics tonight,

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but that's over, because it's time
to hear from Krusty the Clown.

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Welcome, Krusty.

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I grew up watching you.

94
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Oh, uh, sorry.

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I threw up watching you.

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(laughter, applause)

97
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(grumbles)

98
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Sarah Silverman.

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I say this with love,
you disrespectful skank.

100
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You've had more... Oh.

101
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Suddenly,
I don't feel like doing this.

102
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(gasps)

103
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{\an8}Sorry, Mini-ha-ha.
Canceling the bit.

104
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{\an8}Tell the others.

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I thought this night would be fun
for me and my friends.

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I don't even know these people.

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And I guess I don't have any friends.

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My only comfort is the roast is over

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and will only be shown four times a day

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for the rest of all time.

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-Krusty.
-Yeah?

112
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Is your nose red because
it's embarrassed to be seen with you?

113
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-(laughter)
-Oh, nobody warned me

114
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this roast would treat me the same way

115
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as every roast I've seen
and laughed at.

116
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...and the husband says,
"Who paid you a nickel?"

117
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And the wife says, "Everybody."

118
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(laughs)

119
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Oh, sorry, wrong for this audience.

120
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I thought Swapper Jack's
was something else.

121
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Krusty, sorry about the roast.

122
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They had no right to say
those hilarious things.

123
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How could they say
I'm past my prime?

124
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Me-- the voice of Ovaltine.

125
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Krusty, why don't you
talk to your dad?

126
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He'll cheer you up.
He's a rabbi.

127
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He must've learned something from that
giant star scroll he's always reading.

128
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Kid, does talking to your dad
make you feel better?

129
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,505
Well, no, but he's not a rabbi.

130
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More of a flabbi.
(snorts, laughs)

131
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Why, you little...
I'll show you who's a flabbi!

132
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(grunting)

133
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-(muffled) No, you're not a flabbi!
-Yeah, all muscle.

134
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-In Minnesota, I'd be a supermodel.
-Okay, I got it.

135
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So, basically, I came here
so you could tell me the truth--

136
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that I'm great.

137
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As the Torah says--
Judgment belongs to God.

138
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The Torah also says
you can't eat ham,

139
00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:47,615
and I'm the spokesman
for HamCo Ham.

140
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This is why I only call you
on Christmas and Easter.

141
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,578
Wait, wait, wait. Please, Dad.

142
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,455
Do you even think I'm funny?

143
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I'm not gonna lie to you,
for funny,

144
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,458
I prefer Rabbi Rudenstein.

145
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He puts the "ha" in Hanukkah
and the "levity" in Leviticus.

146
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As for you, son,
if you want to know

147
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my honest opinion of you,
you've always been... eh.

148
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,469
Go on.

149
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,806
I've always been "Eh... ntertaining"?

150
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,058
Dad?

151
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:17,895
Show me nose fog.

152
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,816
Oh, God, he's dead.

153
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:25,236
And he never lived
to see me be successful.

154
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:26,904
(sobbing)

155
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<i>A pusten fas hilcht hecher.</i>

156
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"An empty barrel reverberates loudly."

157
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And today, my heart is that barrel.

158
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Even though my father and I
had our difficulties...

159
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,216
(sobs) he was a great man.

160
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And, well, he always...

161
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,513
-Wha...
-Eh.

162
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ALL: Eh.

163
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(continues)

164
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,357
(sighs)
Look, I'm an entertainer.

165
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,527
So maybe the best way to say
how I feel about my dad

166
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,362
is through a song

167
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,199
that someone else wrote
that I hired people to sing.

168
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,825
This is for you, Dad.

169
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,161
(to the <i>Itchy & Scratchy</i> theme)
<i>♪ He fought and fought ♪</i>

170
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,705
<i>♪ And fought for Jewish rights ♪</i>

171
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,666
<i>♪ Wisdom sought, students taught ♪</i>

172
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,420
<i>♪ Rabbi Krustofsky's gone ♪</i>

173
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,174
Yeah, well, it's just...
well, I thought...

174
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:31,427
Seriously, it can be really tough
to lose your father.

175
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,596
(crying)

176
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,935
<i>Yasher Co-ack.</i>
Let us all please rise.

177
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,813
-(snoring)
-Homer, get up.

178
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,232
Huh? Oh, uh...

179
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,692
(grunting)

180
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,277
Oh! Oh!

181
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,404
Ooh! (panting)

182
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,073
Dad, are you okay?

183
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:54,450
Yeah, yeah, great. (sighs)

184
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,495
I guess my getting-up days are over.

185
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:58,663
(gasps)

186
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,833
(Homer humming)

187
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,835
{\an8}Dad, you're eating too much.

188
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,629
{\an8}I'm worried about your health.

189
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,506
{\an8}I don't want to lose you.

190
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,385
(softly) Oh, no.

191
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,596
Krusty, I brought some
homemade chicken soup.

192
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,224
We used the Play-Doh maker
for the matzo.

193
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,185
Uh, thanks,
but I don't really like soup.

194
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,896
But you wear that little spoon
around your neck.

195
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,440
{\an8}(chuckles)
You really notice stuff, don't you?

196
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:30,611
Yes. And I can tell
how hard it was to lose your father.

197
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,447
But at least you were there
to share his final thoughts.

198
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,409
-Eh.
-No, no, it's a big thing.

199
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:38,995
No, that's what he called me. "Eh."

200
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,871
Well, it could be worse.

201
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,207
-Oh, yeah? How?
-I don't know, uh...

202
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,959
how about...
(blows raspberry)

203
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,669
That's a lot worse.

204
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,671
Can you stop comforting me now?

205
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:52,133
Krusty, condolences on your loss.

206
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:55,094
So this is the Bob

207
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,055
whose comedic genius

208
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,474
I can never live up to.

209
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:04,061
Believe me, all of us
have thought about killing him.

210
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,688
(sighs)

211
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,403
Clowns have it tough, Krusty.
I understand.

212
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:16,115
I was Professor Pickles with
Ringling Brothers for several years.

213
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,284
The elephant and I
had our differences.

214
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:21,287
So, what brings you here?
And don't say clown car.

215
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,123
I'm a sad, tragic clown.

216
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,542
Like what's his name-- Liberace.

217
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,628
Tell me about your father, huh?

218
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,923
Ah!

219
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,134
Herschel, did you read your Exodus?

220
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,886
Oh, uh, oh, sure.

221
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,805
Really? Then tell me,
what did the burning bush say?

222
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,557
It said, "Ow! Put me out!

223
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,101
How many talking bushes
do you think there are?!"

224
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,936
-(laughs)
-My son,

225
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:49,440
you are a big needy nothing
that only laughs can fill.

226
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,567
(scoffs) I don't need laughs.

227
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,654
-Ha.
-Oh, thank you. Thank you.

228
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,156
A big needy nothing.

229
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:59,075
-(sniffles)
-Wow. Wow.

230
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,243
Krusty, would you like a therapy dog?

231
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,412
Yeah. With extra relish!

232
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,498
Hey-hey! I still got it, huh?

233
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,375
Yes, if by "it" you mean

234
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,585
reflexive denial of your inner sadness.

235
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,753
(sadly) Hey-hey.

236
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,089
SIDESHOW MEL:
Shut up, children.

237
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,467
Boys and girls, you know
that we've been dark

238
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:21,347
for a couple of days because of
a tragic loss in the Krustylu family.

239
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,349
Now put your hands together

240
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:26,560
for the man who's falling apart
before our eyes,

241
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,188
Krusty the Clown!

242
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:30,773
(kids cheering)

243
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,025
(jaunty theme music plays)

244
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,113
No monologue. Roll the cartoon.

245
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,241
(swing creaking)

246
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,246
Oh, my God!

247
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,582
Who made this monstrosity?

248
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,167
<i>I did everything!</i>

249
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:54,004
Kids, I'm experiencing
a crisis of conscience.

250
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,589
<i>(canned applause)</i>

251
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,091
No, no, no, no!

252
00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:00,720
I don't deserve the prerecorded applause
of children long gone.

253
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,472
<i>-(canned applause)</i>
<i>-KID (over recording): I like Ike!</i>

254
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,725
Therefore, I'm quitting the show.

255
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,768
And I know Mel
will be quitting it with me.

256
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,312
Yes, yes, buy the house.
It'll be...

257
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,772
Uh, what?!

258
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,525
Today is the day the pity laughter died.

259
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,694
Krusty the Clown has retired.

260
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,113
For a brief overview
of a half-century of ha-has,

261
00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,699
here is Channel Six TV critic
Clive Meriwether.

262
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:24,744
Krusty the Clown
will perhaps best be remembered

263
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:28,080
for taking up two spots
in the Channel Six parking lot.

264
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:32,001
On a personal level,
he used to call me Little Lord Tingaling.

265
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,419
I shan't miss that.

266
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:36,756
This man's only lasting legacies
are a law in his name

267
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:40,634
limiting the working hours
of chimpanzees to 14 hours a day

268
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,678
and the invention
of the payment of alimony

269
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,139
by dropping hot pennies
from a helicopter.

270
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,349
I give his life a D-plus.

271
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,726
Good day to you.

272
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,311
What will Krusty do now?

273
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,480
I suppose only time will tell.

274
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,648
Which is true
for all news stories, I guess.

275
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,025
Until anyone realizes,

276
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,486
I'm Kent Brockman
adding no useful information.

277
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,279
And here's another sentence.

278
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:03,324
You can tell I'm winding it up
because my voice is going <i>up</i>

279
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,534
and <i>down</i> like this.

280
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,789
Well, at least now I have plenty of time

281
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,957
to solve this Rubik's Cube.

282
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,501
All right, what if I did...

283
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,753
Oh!

284
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,926
(Homer snoring unevenly)

285
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,720
(snoring, gasping)

286
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,056
-(quietly) Mom, Dad.
-Yes, Lisa?

287
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,974
(snores) What?

288
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,143
I've been listening,
and Dad stops breathing

289
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,479
for as long as five minutes.

290
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:36,315
Mind if I sleep with you guys
and keep an eye on him?

291
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,360
Sweetie, you shouldn't have to worry
about such things.

292
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,321
(gasps, snores, wheezing)

293
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:45,449
The doctor gave us this machine
to help him breathe in his sleep.

294
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,493
Go to bed. I'll take care of him.

295
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,162
{\an8}<i>No good. No good.</i>

296
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,497
{\an8}<i>Oh! Ooh! Ah!</i>

297
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,332
{\an8}<i>-(gasping)</i>
<i>-What do I do? What do I do?</i>

298
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:56,752
{\an8}<i>Oh. Breathe, Homie, breathe.</i>

299
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,963
{\an8}<i>(coughing)</i>

300
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,978
Well, at least Teeny's doing okay.

301
00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,897
He's in <i>The Odd Couple</i>
with David Hyde Pierce.

302
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,483
Now, really, Oscar,
would it kill you to use a coaster?

303
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,403
(screeching)

304
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,739
If you're going to go up there,
at least dust!

305
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,494
Finally, done the way
I first imagined it.

306
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,872
I'm gonna prove
you did groundbreaking work.

307
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:36,417
Krusty, I want you to binge-watch
all the shows you've ever done.

308
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,920
Well, I've never said no to a binge.

309
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,380
(static crackles)

310
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,300
<i>Deuteronomy?</i>
<i>Isn't that the study of deuters?</i>

311
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,843
<i>Hippocampus?</i>

312
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,138
<i>Isn't that another name for</i>
<i>the University of Mississippi?</i>

313
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,848
Okay. I've been on 50 years.

314
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,808
You're bound
to repeat yourself a little.

315
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,728
<i>Unless I wanted to be sat on</i>
<i>by Mama Cass.</i>

316
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,981
<i>Unless I wanted to be</i>
<i>sat on by Dom DeLuise.</i>

317
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,233
<i>...by the cast of</i>
What's Happening!!

318
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,402
<i>...William "The Refrigerator" Perry,</i>
<i>everyone!</i>

319
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,571
<i>...Newman from </i>Seinfeld.

320
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,406
<i>...the whale from </i>Whale Rider.

321
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,992
<i>...Adele! (laughs)</i>

322
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,619
<i>What? She's a guest star?!</i>

323
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,662
<i>(sobbing)</i>

324
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,080
(groans)

325
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,749
(static hissing)

326
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:20,878
So that's why
all my cameramen have PTSD.

327
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,671
Where's my whiskey funnel?!

328
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,341
(German accent)
Young man, you should go.

329
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,677
When the master is like this,
it is no place for children.

330
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,512
Pour, Helga!

331
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,473
It begins.

332
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,516
(gulping)

333
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,981
(angelic choir singing)

334
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,194
Whoa. Where am I?

335
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,695
Why, you're in Jewish Heaven.

336
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,238
Oh, this place is great.

337
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,282
Why, my necktie straightens itself.

338
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,744
Even Portnoy has no complaints.

339
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,996
And I tell you,
I get so much respect.

340
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,582
Wow. So I made it to Heaven.

341
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,334
{\an8}(klezmer playing)

342
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,173
(crowd cheering)

343
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:13,430
This place is amazing!

344
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,766
Schmuck, there's no Jewish Heaven.

345
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:19,228
Our faith teaches us
that once you're dead, that's it, kaput.

346
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,771
It's dark, it's cold.

347
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,732
It's like that apartment we lived in
before I started doing weddings.

348
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,859
But you, my son, remain...

349
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,490
Eh?! (groans)

350
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:33,075
Go back to Earth.

351
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,661
Do something with your life.
Help people.

352
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,663
<i>(echoing)</i>
<i>Help people. Help people.</i>

353
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:38,956
<i>Help people.</i>

354
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,000
Nothing. I'm not getting a pulse.

355
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,251
(gasps)

356
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,961
I got to change my life!

357
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,379
Still no pulse.

358
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,506
I guess I'm just really bad at this.

359
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:56,265
<i>♪ Someone to watch ♪</i>

360
00:16:56,348 --> 00:17:01,603
<i>♪ Over me ♪</i>

361
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,439
I'm afraid Lisa's getting obsessed

362
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,315
with keeping her father out of danger.

363
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,360
She's gotten our Resusci Annie doll
to breathe on its own.

364
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,946
<i>(wheezes) Why?</i>

365
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,365
{\an8}In this new shelter,
we provide a home

366
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,285
for animals put out of work
by Cirque du Soleil.

367
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,079
(gorilla growls)

368
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,791
Um, Krusty, have you fulfilled
the promise you made to your father

369
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,044
in the dream
you never told anyone about?

370
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,378
Uh, no.

371
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:31,008
Somehow a brief act of uncharacteristic
generosity solved nothing.

372
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,384
-Hey, Krusty.
-What?

373
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:33,802
Have you been going to temple?

374
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,806
Yeah, and I've learned that
all religions are equally boring.

375
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,434
But there's a reason I went.
Come and see.

376
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,770
Kid, there's no way
you can cheer me up.

377
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,981
Not when whiskey,
good deeds, and hookers failed.

378
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,149
Who's a hooker?

379
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:51,153
Uh, with me, it's easier to say
which ones aren't hookers.

380
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,490
Hmm?

381
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,158
(grunting)

382
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,659
Lisa, what are you doing?

383
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,036
Wrapping you in bubble wrap.

384
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,081
I can't always be around
to protect you, so it will.

385
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,874
But...

386
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,043
-(bubble wrap popping)
-Oh, Lisa, honey,

387
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,629
you can't insulate yourself from life.

388
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:12,424
Why, I could live till 100
or a bus could hit me tomorrow.

389
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:16,303
That's why I never plan
more than four seconds ahead.

390
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,972
Oh, I guess you're right.

391
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:21,683
Now come on.
Give Daddy a hug.

392
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,560
-(grunting)
-(bubble wrap popping)

393
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,397
-Bubble wrap!
-(bubble wrap popping)

394
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,942
Your daughterly love saved me, sweetie.

395
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:33,612
That's all I wanted,
a tiny bit of control.

396
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,657
Ooh. I suppose we should
exchange insurance information.

397
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,325
-I don't have any.
-Me neither.

398
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:39,993
Then we have the same company.

399
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,870
They'll work it all out.

400
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,456
(tires screech)

401
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,585
{\an8}(quietly) Rabbi Rudenstein.

402
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,003
{\an8}Your father's favorite.

403
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,922
Today's reading is from Deuteronomy,

404
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,091
which I believe is the study of deuters.

405
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,425
(laughter)

406
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,052
Hey, that's my joke.

407
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,762
Eh, must be a coincidence.

408
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,264
Uh, but before we begin,

409
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:03,642
I'd like to quote the burning bush,
which said, "Hey, put me out.

410
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,561
How many talking bushes
do you think there are?"

411
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,895
Hey-hey.

412
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,188
(laughter)

413
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,439
Me again.

414
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,067
So if Dad loved his jokes, then...

415
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,153
Dad loved my jokes.

416
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,071
(crying) Oh...

417
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,157
Yeah, I guess he just
hated your delivery.

418
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,993
He loved my jokes.

419
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,621
My father respected me
but could never tell me.

420
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,915
That's Jewish Heaven.

421
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,044
<i>♪ Heaven ♪</i>

422
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,755
<i>♪ Jewish Heaven ♪</i>

423
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,133
<i>RABBI KRUSTOFSKY:</i>
<i>♪ We're a father and a son ♪</i>

424
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:38,177
<i>♪ Who didn't speak ♪</i>

425
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:42,931
<i>♪ But up here we found</i>
<i>the happiness we seek ♪</i>

426
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,518
<i>♪ And I can't wait</i>
<i>till you join me next week ♪</i>

427
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:47,978
You!

428
00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:50,522
(music continues)

429
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,697
Uh, just this once, you think you could
turn water into a Bloody Mary?

430
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,367
I'll tell you,
you're all right, you know?

431
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:12,336
Krusty, let's face it,
you might not be cutting-edge anymore,

432
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:15,172
but your show still does
really great in that key demo

433
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,382
of people who died with the TV on.

434
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,550
-(laughter)
-Whoa.

435
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,053
Of course, Krusty's responsible for
<i>Itchy & Scratchy,</i>

436
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,804
which is also
what he calls his testicles.

437
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:23,972
(groans)

438
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,058
♪ ♪

439
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,010
D'oh.

440
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,804
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

441
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935
Subtitled by C. Noline