1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:03,670
(Johnny Carson <i>Tonight Show</i>
theme playing)

2
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:08,091
<i>KANG: Live from Rigel 7,</i>
<i>Conquerors of Rigels 4 through 6,</i>

3
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:11,386
<i>it's the 25th annual</i>
<i>Treehouse of Horror!</i>

4
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,847
<i>With special guest stars</i>
<i>Jennifer Lawrence,</i>

5
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,307
<i>Warren Beatty, John Travolta,</i>

6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,601
<i>Clint Eastwood, George Clooney,</i>

7
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,438
<i>Prince, Taylor Swift, Sean Penn,</i>

8
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,982
<i>Bruce Springsteen, Helen Mirren,</i>

9
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,317
<i>Morgan Freeman, James Franco,</i>

10
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:30,196
<i>Kanye West and... Leonardo DiCaprio.</i>

11
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,074
(applause and cheering)

12
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,909
Why?

13
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,455
<i>(Kang and Kodos laughing)</i>

14
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,593
{\an8}This has been a bad week,
even for you, Simpson.

15
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:52,927
{\an8}Concrete in the sandbox?

16
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,679
{\an8}I don't get lost anymore!

17
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,891
{\an8}Spreading the rumor that today's lunch
would be served by a naked lady.

18
00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,350
{\an8}-Move it!
-Boobs! Boobs!

19
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,519
{\an8}I want to see boobs in the soup!

20
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,354
{\an8}There is no naked lunch lady!
Bart made it up!

21
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,607
{\an8}Yes, yes, I-I knew that.

22
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,358
{\an8}There's no hope for you, Simpson.

23
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,528
{\an8}You'll be locked in detention
until you graduate to the penal system.

24
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,197
{\an8}(laughs) Penal.

25
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,116
{\an8}Stop laughing!
I said "penal," not "penile."

26
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,910
{\an8}(laughs) Penile.

27
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,162
{\an8}It's not like you made me say "penis"!

28
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,164
{\an8}(laughs)

29
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,416
{\an8}(groans)

30
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:39,766
Hmm.

31
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,438
{\an8}Ow! Oh.

32
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,440
{\an8}Someone could get really hurt by this.

33
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,026
{\an8}-Stick your finger in that desk.
-Really, Bart?

34
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,779
{\an8}Hmm, looks like ancient Aramaic.

35
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,115
{\an8}Fortunately, I have an app for that.

36
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,533
{\an8}(beeps)

37
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:59,369
{\an8}(click, trilling, ding)

38
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:00,537
{\an8}Hey!

39
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,581
"He who reads this rune translation

40
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:07,460
will be taken to damnation"?

41
00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:09,796
{\an8}(both gasp)

42
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:12,382
{\an8}(both scream)

43
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,845
{\an8}-(alarm sounding)
-SKINNER: Simpson!

44
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,055
{\an8}(hissing)

45
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,478
{\an8}BOTH: Huh?

46
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,896
{\an8}We're in Hell?!

47
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,940
{\an8}Cool! Now I can look up
all those people

48
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,692
{\an8}who said "See you in Hell."

49
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,235
{\an8}Hey, pal, what are you in here for?

50
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:33,987
{\an8}Heresies, like Docetism.

51
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,280
{\an8}Docetism?

52
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,782
{\an8}The belief that Jesus' body
was just an illusion.

53
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,909
{\an8}-Is that still big?
-Haw haw!

54
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,538
{\an8}Your heresies were venialized
by the council of Palermo.

55
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,290
Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up!

56
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,167
(crowd chatter and groaning)

57
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,587
We've got millipedes,
toothheads, screaming torsos...

58
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:51,754
(screams)

59
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,673
...your bleeding eyes with finger-legs.

60
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,092
And all the girls are mean girls.

61
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,052
Red dress, how original.

62
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,346
Making fun of someone's clothes,
how original.

63
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,265
Huh. You want to walk with us?

64
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,768
It's true.

65
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,980
It would be a cold day in Hell
when I was popular.

66
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,233
Huh?

67
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,152
Young man, where's your Hell pass?

68
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,737
Skin him!

69
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,198
Whoa. (gasps)

70
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,867
-(grunts)
-Huh?

71
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:23,369
Hmm.

72
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,873
So, what would be
the appropriate eternal torture

73
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:29,125
for someone who robbed a bank?

74
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,712
-(flame whooshing)
-(groans)

75
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,341
Someone who robs a bank.

76
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,760
How would you punish them
for all time?

77
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,386
Mm... Jeffistopheles?

78
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,222
(in squeaky voice)
Uh... wh-whipping?

79
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,932
Okay. Good.

80
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,558
No one likes to be whipped,

81
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,811
but is there anything
more connected to the sin?

82
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,855
Torture?

83
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:53,942
What if you made the robber
eat bags of money

84
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,526
until his stomach exploded?

85
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,153
Good. Very good.

86
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,364
-(high-pitched whooshing)
-Mm.

87
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,032
Psychological torment.

88
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,575
Pain plus fear.

89
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,370
Oh, can you all feel
how much richer that is?

90
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,788
You get a pumpkin sticker.

91
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,373
Ow.

92
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,291
(gasps)
This has never happened before.

93
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,876
I have a crush on my teacher!

94
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,212
Down here,
we can make that happen.

95
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,633
(both giggle)

96
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,718
Every time the sinner screams in pain,

97
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,595
the scream blows this windmill,

98
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,640
which pumps even more piranhas
into his aquarium underwear,

99
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,684
-causing more screaming.
-Wow. Wow.

100
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,811
Oh, that is so evil.

101
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,397
And I know evil.
I'm head of the teachers' union.

102
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,815
(bell ringing)

103
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,276
(grunting and groaning)

104
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,861
Bart, I found a portal back to Earth.

105
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,115
Right here?

106
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,950
No, no, no, no!
That's Super Hell!

107
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,578
Hot Stuff?
I didn't realize you were that evil.

108
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:52,292
(à la Droopy) No, I'm being punished
for how lame my comics were.

109
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,543
(whooshing)

110
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,129
I melted it. Get it?

111
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,380
(bird caws)

112
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,803
Welcome to Earth.
Local time is 10:37.

113
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,513
We know you have
your choice of portals,

114
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,765
so thank you for choosing
the Burns Hellport,

115
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,726
a division of Gulf and Western.

116
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,022
-Mom, Dad, I want to change schools.
-HOMER: Hmm?!

117
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,357
I found a place
that really wants to teach me,

118
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,026
and I really want to learn.

119
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,653
Homie, our prayers have been answered.

120
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,405
Keep your pants on, Marge.

121
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,115
It's probably some private school

122
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,950
that costs a million dollars a year,

123
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,827
and then they squeeze you
for extra money

124
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,163
through book fairs and silent auctions.

125
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,957
And parents get 20 e-mails a day
from the school,

126
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,626
and everyone hits
"reply all" to everything.

127
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,254
Dad, it's not a private school.
It's free.

128
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,048
Oh, that's fine then.

129
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,716
(man screams)

130
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:45,053
I couldn't help noticing
this school is located in--

131
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,263
I'm not one to judge, but, um...

132
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,974
I'll say it, Marge. It's in Hell!

133
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,310
The Inferno! Perdition!

134
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,395
Arizona without the golf!

135
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:57,940
No. We do have golf,
but all the greens are tricky.

136
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,193
-No!
-Look, as educators,

137
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:04,155
our job is to gently nurture
your child's passion.

138
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:07,700
Hmm. That is the kind of nonsense
you're always falling for.

139
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,328
Mom, please tell me
I can go to Hell.

140
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:13,664
Well, I guess we could
try it for a semester.

141
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,250
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

142
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:19,629
You know, we have many opportunities
for parent involvement.

143
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:22,924
(scoffs) Yeah, I'll be sure
to take a look at that.

144
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:27,428
(grunting)

145
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,099
<i>♪ Hell ♪</i>

146
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,936
<i>♪ Hell is for children ♪</i>

147
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:41,859
<i>♪ And you know that their little lives</i>
<i>can become such a mess ♪</i>

148
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,862
<i>♪ Hell ♪</i>

149
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,408
<i>♪ Hell is for children ♪</i>

150
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,745
<i>♪ And you shouldn't have</i>
<i>to pay for your love ♪</i>

151
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,872
<i>♪ With your bones and your flesh ♪</i>

152
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,124
Hmm.

153
00:06:56,207 --> 00:07:01,754
<i>♪ No, Hell is for children ♪</i>

154
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,799
Now, students, it's final exam day,

155
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,759
and none of you wants
to repeat the class

156
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,595
like a certain student
I don't want to embarrass.

157
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,973
-Torture?
-(groans)

158
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,850
Beelzebart, you're first.

159
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,896
And you're going to torment
a very special sinner

160
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,274
we've prepared just for you.

161
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,151
Homer?

162
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,652
That-That's my dad.

163
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,987
I can't hurt him.

164
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,072
No, boy. I want you to do it.

165
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,490
What? Why?

166
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,992
Bart, you went to Hell

167
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,911
and came back a winner,
like Jesus.

168
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:37,248
Now, come on, boy.
Pull me apart like string cheese.

169
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,377
D'oh! D'oh! (shrieks)

170
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:47,175
Webster defines success as the action
of achieving one's goals.

171
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,634
Don't you, Webster?

172
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:52,263
I don't care! Why am I here?

173
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:55,016
You changed the "R-E"
to "E-R" in "theater."

174
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:56,184
I hate that!

175
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,227
Well, I'll tell you
who is supposed to be here--

176
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,063
class mal-edictorian,
Beelzebart Simpson.

177
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,690
(applause and cheering)

178
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:05,276
(Homer chuckles)
Which one's yours?

179
00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:07,278
(grunts)

180
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,988
Nice.

181
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,210
<i>MOE: That was me,</i>
<i>when I was a young hoodlink,</i>

182
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,588
<i>with me three bestest glugs,</i>
<i>Leonard, Carlton, and Dum.</i>

183
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,632
<i>We was narsty tastards, we were,</i>

184
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,843
<i>even though we dressed like</i>
<i>Carol Channing's backup dancers.</i>

185
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,054
<i>Some days,</i>
<i>we'd employ a bit of the bash</i>

186
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,473
<i>while having a go</i>
<i>at the West End Wiseguys...</i>

187
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,016
Ooh, stop it!
Hey, pally, come on.

188
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,226
Hey, what's wrong with youse?

189
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,811
Ooh, I was told this would be
a verbal debate! Ooh!

190
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,856
<i>...and cap off the night</i>
<i>with a little of the ol' in-out.</i>

191
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,567
-ALL: In. Out.
-(bell dinging)

192
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,319
In. Out.

193
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:52,240
In. Out. In. Out.

194
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,450
<i>MOE:</i>
<i>Everything was all fish and chippy</i>

195
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,578
<i>until Dum collected himself</i>
<i>a twiggy-wick.</i>

196
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,038
(with British accent)
Hello, little lamb.

197
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:00,831
What say we go back to my place

198
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,334
for a little of the old Luther Van?

199
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,670
<i>♪ I can't fool myself,</i>
<i>I don't want nobod... ♪</i>

200
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,089
(William Tell Overture playing)

201
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,488
Oy! I'm getting hitched
to this bluebird,

202
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,408
and she wants me
to give up the glug life.

203
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,994
Welly, welly, well, well, well.

204
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,870
What sorry future could you have

205
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,498
without your truest lunos
by your side?

206
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:46,043
Dum got a job at the Tower of London
as a Beefeater!

207
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,337
I hope it's what I think it is.

208
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,674
<i>MOE: Who knew, my brothers,</i>
<i>that when Dum found his Dumpling</i>

209
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,176
<i>that was the end</i>
<i>of our band of glugs?</i>

210
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,512
<i>Leonard and Carlton informed me</i>
<i>my leadership</i>

211
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,681
<i>was no longer needed.</i>

212
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,641
(grunting)

213
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,101
Wha...

214
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,645
Not the Shard! Not the Shard!

215
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:05,938
(groans)

216
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,774
<i>MOE:</i>
<i>So I took up the respectable life</i>

217
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,943
<i>of a sleazy barkeep.</i>

218
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,865
(sighs heavily)

219
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:24,123
These eye clamps are the only way
I can tolerate today's TV.

220
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,666
<i>TV ANNOUNCER:</i>
<i>Tonight on Fox...</i>

221
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,544
(groans)
Turn it off! I'll be good!

222
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,588
(crying)
I'll be good!

223
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,715
(doorbell rings)

224
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,927
There's been a terrible accident, sir.

225
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,721
Please grant me
access to your home.

226
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,807
Are you kidding me?
I invented that gag.

227
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,393
Please, sir.
Certainly a Christian is required

228
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,395
to completely unbolt his door.

229
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,399
Come on, you can't pull
the wooly bull over my viddyballs.

230
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,651
(groans)

231
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,737
That's a bit of the old... haw haw!

232
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,032
(Moe grunts)

233
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,332
Not my Shmoo. Not my Shmoo!

234
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,792
(Moe crying)

235
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,585
(Shmoo shatters)

236
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,755
Those punks got no respect
for them what come before.

237
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,757
Didn't even wear no codpieces.

238
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:18,511
How do they expect to draw the eye
to their chunky-wunks?

239
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:21,931
I need me glugs back
for one last bit of barmy.

240
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,600
No! You should not be out glugging,

241
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,603
shin-slicing, or eye groining.

242
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,022
We've got a sweet little toddle
to take care of.

243
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,233
(squeaking)

244
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,946
Enough of this quiet home life!

245
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:40,032
It's time to be a man again.

246
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:45,913
After all these month-os,
I hope we don't disremember

247
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,456
how to dash and bash.

248
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,459
Let's start easy
with a little walk into the jay.

249
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,128
(siren blares)

250
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,380
Wait! I recognize those cops

251
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,549
what's be whackin' my gob-topper!

252
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,050
It's Leonard and Carlton!

253
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,052
(laughter)

254
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:03,889
You blokes want to join me
for one last bit o' noggin' boggin'?

255
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,725
I saved your bowlers.

256
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,309
Hmm? Hmm?

257
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,395
<i>MOE: Once again,</i>
<i>the glugs was hittin' the streets</i>

258
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,230
<i>all slow-motion like--</i>

259
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:14,817
<i>and just as scarifyin'</i>
<i>and intimidato as ever.</i>

260
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,403
-Hey, keep up!
-(pants)

261
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:20,573
<i>MOE: We put nasties in a hat</i>
<i>and selectoed out one.</i>

262
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,162
<i>♪ ♪</i>

263
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,092
(deep, echoing groaning nearby)

264
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,720
Hey, what kind of whoo-hoo is this?

265
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:44,722
Welcome to the most frustrating,

266
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:48,851
befuddling, and, yes, erotic book release
party you've ever attended.

267
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,187
Sir, are you done with my bird mask?

268
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,397
(chuckles) Oh, I don't think
you want to wear it now.

269
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,857
I'll be the judge of that.

270
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,192
Come on, me glugs!

271
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:59,862
Let's show these nectarinoes
we're still the best at what we do--

272
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:03,365
beatin' up old people
and bare-naked ladies!

273
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,992
Get them, becostumed weirdos!

274
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:07,328
Sex-view blockers, keep blocking.

275
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,747
<i>♪ ♪</i>

276
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,047
I'll, uh, I'll let you finish.

277
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:23,260
-(ape-like grunting)
-("Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays)

278
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,346
I thought I left my iPhone here.

279
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,557
(inquisitive grunt)

280
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:34,563
Ooh! Even I forget
what this is a reference to.

281
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,232
<i>MOE: And so, oh, my brothers,</i>

282
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,150
<i>I was beaten, I was bruised,</i>

283
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,069
<i>I couldn't score at an orgy.</i>

284
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,570
<i>♪ ♪</i>

285
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,864
<i>But I was happy.</i>

286
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,411
All right, let's burn this,
let's rewrite everything,

287
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,455
and, uh, let's start all over.

288
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,001
("The Blue Danube" plays)

289
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,837
-(music stops abruptly)
-Ow.

290
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,803
<i>♪ ♪</i>

291
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,222
(tired mumbling)

292
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:09,807
(low grunt)

293
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,061
Stupid blood--
asking me for a favor!

294
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,523
(grunts)

295
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,112
Homer, Homer,
look what someone left in the kitchen.

296
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,115
Frosty chocolate milkshakes.

297
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,825
Dad, the TV's screwed up.

298
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,827
It only plays <i>Married... with Children.</i>

299
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,203
Aw, Peg, you're sick.

300
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,914
Let me call Dr. Kevorkian.

301
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:42,506
<i>We haven't had sex</i>
<i>in four years, Al.</i>

302
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,049
<i>(audience jeers)</i>

303
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,594
<i>Now I'm the one who needs Kevorkian.</i>

304
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,679
<i>(audience laughter)</i>

305
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,682
<i>VOICES (distorted): Our house.</i>

306
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,142
This house is haunted.

307
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,936
(gasps)
The milkshakes have vanished!

308
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,105
(slurping)

309
00:14:58,188 --> 00:14:59,815
Hmm? What?

310
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,942
(slurps)

311
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,444
<i>♪ ♪</i>

312
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,615
Homie, I think we're not alone.

313
00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:12,119
I was sleeping in the dryer
and got caught in your sheets.

314
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:15,331
-I'll go make up the couch for you.
-(whimpers)

315
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,000
(Marge moaning amorously)

316
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,002
Whoa, Marge, that was fast.

317
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,378
Yeah, that's it, baby.

318
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:24,173
Grab my chest with your cold,
icy hands.

319
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,091
(moans)

320
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:29,261
(shrieks)
The bed is lifting me!

321
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,347
The elevator at work
can't even do that.

322
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,433
I demand you put me down
right after the sex!

323
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,435
D'oh!

324
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:40,356
All right, show yourselves
in the name of this book!

325
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,942
D'oh! Oh.

326
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:46,111
The power of Chrysler compels you!

327
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,282
What are you, cavemen?

328
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,450
Turn on the lights!

329
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,243
(screaming)

330
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,704
Hey! A little respect!

331
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,331
(grumbles)

332
00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,125
Take a picture-- it'll last longer, man.

333
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,337
Hey, if you're<i></i>Homer Simpson,
show me your driver's license!

334
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:06,340
Well, I traded it to a kid
for a bite of his sandwich.

335
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,758
(gasps) He is me!

336
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:10,344
Noble spirits, your time has passed.

337
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:13,013
-(belches)
-That was unmotivated.

338
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,515
Don't have a cow, man.

339
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:17,518
-Shut up!
<i>-Ay, caramba!</i> (belches)

340
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,436
Homer, do something!

341
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,938
Why is it always me?

342
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,940
I work 12 hours a week, you know.

343
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,943
She doesn't know
what a good thing she's got.

344
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:28,821
I like a man who can relax.

345
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,656
Not like Grumpy-Lumpy there.

346
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,199
Quit makin' cracks!

347
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,451
Speaking of cracks,
pull up your pants, dude.

348
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:35,619
I'll crack you!

349
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,788
-(grunting)
-(chuckling)

350
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:40,249
What kind of afterlife is this?

351
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,626
Can't even strangle my dead kid.

352
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:46,630
So, yeah, things aren't perfect
with the missus and me,

353
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,550
and, uh, by the way, nice melons.

354
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,885
Those are in the kitchen!

355
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:55,723
D'oh! I can't believe you wasted
our money on fruit!

356
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,559
-(purring)
-Homer Simpson!

357
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,477
-Can you be more specific?
-(growling)

358
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,104
(both chuckling)

359
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,690
-(giggles)
-Mmm!

360
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:06,567
(grumbles)

361
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,235
There's no reason to be jealous.

362
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,737
It's just younger you.

363
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:13,240
Oh! So, he likes ghosts better, eh?

364
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,783
Fine.

365
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,826
Hmm.

366
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,454
Might as well clean this
while I'm killing myself.

367
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,706
(grunting)

368
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:21,749
(thud)

369
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,334
(humming a tune) Hmm?

370
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,587
Well, hello-ho-ho.

371
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,007
-Aah! A ghost!
-I feel like a ghost,

372
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:32,051
the way you haven't been
paying attention to me.

373
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,260
Plus, I'm dead.

374
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,179
Don't yell at me--
I'm a double widower.

375
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:38,348
But I can handle all the ghosts
you can float at me.

376
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,601
Won't the other Homer be a problem?

377
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,853
Heh! I think he gets it.

378
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,688
-See? He...
-You stupid...

379
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,398
What the... Ooh!

380
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,734
Mmm, I smell toast.

381
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,152
(groans)

382
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,278
(whoosh)

383
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,990
Well, I guess you and I
are in charge now, Bart.

384
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,326
But if we split the chores,
I'm sure that we c...

385
00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,204
-What are you doing?!
-Sayonara, sucker!

386
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,706
Oh, no, you're not leaving me
to clean this up!

387
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,291
(yells, grunts)

388
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,129
Whoo-hoo!
I'm the last of the Simpsons!

389
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,340
In I.Q. only!

390
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,758
Huh?

391
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,053
(grunts, coughs, groans)

392
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,555
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Thank you!

393
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,059
Willie's got stew for the winter.

394
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,561
Wait a minute-- who killed Maggie?

395
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:31,193
This is all your fault, Homer,
for wanting somebody new.

396
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,320
I just wanted the woman I married.

397
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:36,406
I never realized you had
so much work done.

398
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,409
-Simpsons, please!
-This fighting solves nothing!

399
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,620
Dr. Marvin Monroe?!

400
00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:43,080
Are you alive or dead?

401
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:45,249
(groans)
I'm in some horrible limbo.

402
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,459
I can walk halfway through walls,
then I get stuck.

403
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,253
-(creaking)
-Uh-oh.

404
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,005
Now I'm gonna have to look
at that every morning.

405
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,424
Well, I think you're helping us
make progress.

406
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,261
-Thank you.
-Let's not fight anymore.

407
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,721
Let's just make him decide between us.

408
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:03,058
Choose me because I'm not bitter yet,

409
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,643
I can stay up later,

410
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,229
and you're on my mind all the time.

411
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:10,732
Hmm, Marge number two,
how would you win my whoopie?

412
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,109
Those are great reasons,

413
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,611
but there's one reason
you should choose me--

414
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,656
because I know everything you've done,

415
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,200
and yet I still want to be with you.

416
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,452
That is so beautiful.

417
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,037
(both sigh)

418
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,540
You're right, Marge,
I could never leave you,

419
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:27,749
not even for you.

420
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,377
If there was a dot
or a squiggle different,

421
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,171
that would be too much.

422
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,173
-Oh, Homie!
-Oh, Homie!

423
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,716
(all moaning)

424
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:38,135
It's time to cut the treacle, man.

425
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,305
Why, you little...

426
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:42,556
(birds chirping)

427
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,766
-Mmm...
-(belches)

428
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,685
(loud chewing, belching continues)

429
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,063
(whoosh)

430
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,482
I just had a worrisome thought.

431
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,860
If there can be two incarnations
of the Simpsons,

432
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,154
why couldn't
some evil marketing entity

433
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,947
produce millions of others?

434
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,574
(new Homer voice)
All right, Simpsons.

435
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,492
Welcome to our new home.

436
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:06,205
Yo, yo, Santa's Little Helper
is in da house!

437
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,207
(howls)

438
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,711
(fierce grunt)

439
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,756
<i>♪ ♪</i>

440
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,928
Mmm!

441
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,224
-(squeaky gibberish)
-D'oh!

442
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,564
Okay, hold still.

443
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,150
This is the last picture on the roll.

444
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,985
Isn't it about time you went digital?

445
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,737
Watch your mouth,
you little smart-ass.

446
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,072
ORIGINAL LISA:
Yeah, Bart.

447
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,075
-Nothing's gonna ruin this one.
-(timer ticking)

448
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,661
Here we go. Here we go.

449
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,871
Here we go.

450
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,122
(gulping beer)

451
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:52,000
-(flash pops, camera whirs)
-HOMER: D'oh!

452
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,086
♪ ♪

453
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,168
(woman screams)

454
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965
Subtitled by Cody Noline