1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,341 {\an8}HOMER: Oh-hoo-hoo! 3 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,760 {\an8}Pork chops with gravy! 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,972 {\an8}Wait... but today's not Pork Chop Tuesday. 5 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,765 {\an8}Or Gravy Thursday! 6 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,392 {\an8}I also set up some mirrors 7 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,811 {\an8}so you could watch hockey fights while you eat. 8 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,980 HOMER: Whoo-hoo! 9 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:27,193 {\an8}Oh, I love Canadian-on-Canadian violence. 10 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,196 {\an8}Oh, baby, this is so great! Thank you so much. 11 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,824 {\an8}I'm just happy you're happy. 12 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,537 {\an8}Wait a minute, that's not something people really feel. 13 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,913 {\an8}What's going on? 14 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,124 {\an8}Well, I do have a favor. 15 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:44,002 {\an8}Patty and Selma came home early from their vacation, 16 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,379 {\an8}but the cleaners still haven't gotten all the black mold 17 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,839 {\an8}out of their apartment. 18 00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:49,924 {\an8}(deep roar) 19 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,927 {\an8}So they need a place to stay. Here. 20 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,847 {\an8}-(shrieks) -Paris was a bust. 21 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,058 {\an8}They wouldn't even let us see the Mona Lisa. 22 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,351 {\an8}They kept yelling, "La Joconde! 23 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,270 {\an8}Her smile will die!" 24 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,980 {\an8}No, Marge, no! 25 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,192 {\an8}You can't invite a couple of Riddlers to stay in the Bat Cave! 26 00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:10,070 {\an8}You ate the food and looked in the mirrors. 27 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,446 {\an8}They're staying! 28 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,531 {\an8}(gruff chuckling) 29 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,618 {\an8}(inhaling, exhaling loudly) 30 00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:19,120 {\an8}(Bart and Lisa coughing) 31 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,288 {\an8}Hmm. 32 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:23,666 {\an8}Oh, honey, one teensy problem with this plan. 33 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,545 {\an8}I'm a teensy bit concerned about them smoking around the children. 34 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,423 {\an8}You know, their lungs are so teensy. 35 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:31,966 {\an8}Mwah! Mwah! 36 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,052 Hmm. He has a point. 37 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,596 No, no. No, no, we don't have to smoke. 38 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,015 We can stop whenever we want. See? 39 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,268 (both grunt) 40 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,270 Okay, how about this-- 41 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,190 if you catch us smoking in the house, even one time, 42 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,317 you can throw us out on the street. 43 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,654 You know what? I trust them not to smoke. 44 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:56,032 And if you trust them, I trust them, too. 45 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,577 (devious chuckle) 46 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:00,954 Safety first! 47 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,456 Screw this. We'll just go outside. 48 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,917 Nature is God's ashtray. 49 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,461 (hums) 50 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,255 (thunder crashes) 51 00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:12,882 Bad news, bears. 52 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,426 Forecast calls for nothing but rain. 53 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,262 (both groan) 54 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,430 (grunting) 55 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,266 (glass shatters) 56 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,351 (humming) 57 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:25,854 (sighs) 58 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,483 Here we go. Problem solved. 59 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,402 Electric cigarettes. 60 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,029 (loud inhaling) 61 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,159 Choke on our harmless fumes. 62 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:41,911 Hmm? 63 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,165 Well, if you fall asleep with them, will you even burn to death? 64 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,250 -BOTH: Uh-uh. -Oh. 65 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,794 (loud, rapid inhaling and exhaling) 66 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,422 They call these cigarettes? 67 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,175 They don't stain my fingers, my hair smells like hair, 68 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,719 and what do I stub out in my scrambled eggs? 69 00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,430 Sure, it's got the nicotine, but where's the tar? 70 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,223 Where's the stab from every breath 71 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,184 that reminds me I'm alive? 72 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,855 No smoke detector! Let's roll! 73 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,440 (both grunt) 74 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:19,657 Wait, wait. 75 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:22,327 Turn on the faucet so no one'll get suspicious. 76 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,373 (explosion) 77 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:30,043 (smoke detectors beeping) 78 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,670 Aha! I gotcha! 79 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,797 -(beeping stops) -You can't resist smoking in the house 80 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,050 any more than I can resist drinking in the car. 81 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,843 -What happened? -I don't know. 82 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,637 The water caught on fire. 83 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,305 (gasps) 84 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,308 And now I banish you from paradise. 85 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,811 I'm glad I never bothered to learn which one of you is which. 86 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,981 Please, show some compassion for two good people 87 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,150 who just can't stop smoking. 88 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,902 Hmm... hmm. 89 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,488 I know just the place. 90 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,491 -(tires screech) -(coughing) 91 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,743 (both sniffing) 92 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,870 Oh! (shudders) 93 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,580 Tobacco! 94 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,041 (both chuckling excitedly) 95 00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:12,001 (loud inhaling, exhaling) 96 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,879 Who needs Paris? 97 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,090 This is our City of Lights! 98 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,425 ♪ ♪ 99 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,266 Flaming tap water. 100 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,851 I saw something about that in a documentary. 101 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,062 Sad. Sad. 102 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,606 Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. 103 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,650 Sad. Sad. Sad. 104 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,694 Cute. (gasps) This one! 105 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,237 {\an8}MALE NARRATOR: In this rural community, 106 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,114 {\an8}hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, 107 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,448 {\an8}was greeted as a windfall. 108 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,534 (crowd cheering) 109 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,537 By pumping high-pressure liquid into underground shale deposits, 110 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,455 fracking releases natural gas, 111 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,375 but can lead to devastating environmental consequences. 112 00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:54,711 (whooshes) 113 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:58,798 Yep, used to be you could try burning your water all day 114 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,133 and nothing would happen. 115 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,303 Henry, did you remember to turn off the Slip 'N Slide? 116 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,595 (children laughing) 117 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,015 -(explosion) -(screaming) 118 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,809 Well, I... reckon not. 119 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:12,312 I think someone is fracking under our neighborhood. 120 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,230 And I know who. 121 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,191 It's you, Mr. Texan. Oil wasn't enough-- 122 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,819 now you're going after our natural gas. 123 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:23,489 Aw, now, ain't nothing natural about gas. 124 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,826 If you can't dance in it, I ain't drilling for it. 125 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:30,580 I don't do this for the money, it's the dancing. 126 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:33,416 It's always been the dancing. 127 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:37,003 (whooping and laughing) 128 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,925 -(both sigh) -All right! 129 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,927 BART: Oh, man. 130 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,055 He made us watch him dance for three hours, 131 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,973 and he really only has one move. 132 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,351 If someone was fracking in our neighborhood, 133 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,685 wouldn't we know it? 134 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,521 Maybe a satellite picture will give us a clue. 135 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,858 Hmm, this is clearly a fracking site. 136 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,693 How are they keeping people away? 137 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,945 (wind whistling) 138 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,199 -Aw, it's a terrific sport-- -Shh! 139 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,498 This whole building is just a facade for a drilling operation. 140 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,834 Indeed it is. 141 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:20,463 Evergreen Terrace is built atop a massive shale deposit. 142 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,508 Think of it-- all that poor natural gas 143 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,469 trapped underneath your shanties and lean-tos. 144 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,013 Smithers, give these two brats what they deserve 145 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,057 for sticking their noses in my business. 146 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,266 (both groan) 147 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,269 (Lisa groans) 148 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:38,356 Stopping Mr. Burns may be beyond the power of an eight-year-old girl 149 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,400 with a book report due on Beezus and Ramona, 150 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,568 but I know someone who can help-- 151 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,822 the first female Speaker of the State Assembly, 152 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,824 a politician who would never ignore 153 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,700 a fellow environmentalist in need, 154 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:52,745 my hero, Maxine Lombard. 155 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,498 (gasps) 156 00:06:56,582 --> 00:07:00,336 Charge the electric limo-- we're going to Springfield. 157 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,671 What about your cool-down period? 158 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,423 What about it?! 159 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,010 Lisa! Motorcade! 160 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:12,265 Assemblywoman Lombard! You got my e-mails! 161 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,767 I'll go anywhere, anytime, 162 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,270 to defend our precious Bay Area values. 163 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,355 (gasps) Terrible! 164 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:21,899 Just shocking. 165 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,360 Does anybody have a baby we can hold near the flames? 166 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,237 I guess I do. 167 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,738 (sighs) 168 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,323 I'm gonna hit this Mr. Burns 169 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,076 with a politician's most powerful weapon-- 170 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,954 an invitation to a committee hearing. 171 00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:38,833 {\an8}Mr. Burns, do you admit that you illegally pump 172 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:41,294 {\an8}toxic chemicals into the groundwater 173 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,129 {\an8}below Evergreen Terrace? 174 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,714 (indistinct whispering) 175 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,632 I... don't recall. 176 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,009 Mr. Burns! 177 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,553 Have you no regard for the life and health 178 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,555 of your fellow human beings? 179 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,182 (indistinct whispering) 180 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,017 I... don't recall. 181 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:59,395 You can't drill underneath people's homes without their permission. 182 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,814 As chairwoman of this Committee on Energy, 183 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,275 Natural Resources, and Blimp Safety, 184 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:07,987 your fracking operation is hereby shut down. 185 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,655 (groans) 186 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,365 I demand to see that 187 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:15,077 capitalism-castrating suffragette this instant! 188 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,871 You haven't bested me. 189 00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:19,499 I will find a way to shatter that shale. 190 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,375 What makes men like you think you can do 191 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,002 whatever you want to our planet? 192 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,129 Maybe the planet wants a strong man 193 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,381 to take her by the hand and lead her. 194 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,217 You don't know what the planet wants. 195 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,177 Oh, and I suppose you do? 196 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:34,013 The planet wants to be protected and nourished 197 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,723 and maybe even... 198 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,475 Kissed. 199 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,018 (both moan) 200 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,394 Mwah! 201 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,855 ♪ ♪ 202 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,444 Wait a minute, I'm not having a stroke, am I? 203 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,196 No. Am I? 204 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,532 -I don't think so. -Oh, good. 205 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,368 ♪ ♪ 206 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,255 (both gasp) 207 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:08,464 -You! -Me? 208 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,132 (Burns shudders) 209 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,347 This was all a mistake-- an impulsive... 210 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,266 -Reckless... -...knee-buckling... 211 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:21,811 -...spat-snapping... -...Spanx-shredding mistake. 212 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:25,398 -(sighs) Oh, it was great. -(chuckles) Best I've ever had. 213 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,525 And that includes... 214 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:28,943 Nellie Taft. 215 00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:32,280 So, Monty, shall we find a way to continue this... 216 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,282 purely passionate affair? 217 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,033 But you're a softhearted liberal! 218 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,202 And you're a hard-hearted capitalist. 219 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,913 Enemies by day, lovers by night. 220 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,873 MAXINE: Mmm... mwah! 221 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,917 Now, get out of my office. 222 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,128 As soon as I collect my things. 223 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,755 Uh, derringer, sword cane, 224 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,134 derringer cane, sword derringer-- all right, it's all here. 225 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,344 If I want to resume fracking, 226 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,887 I have to buy the mineral rights 227 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,682 for every single parcel of land in Evergreen Terrace. 228 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,726 To win people over, I'll need a salesman 229 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:05,104 whose folksy facade masks a deep gusher of greed. 230 00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,816 Hmm? 231 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,654 (chuckles) 232 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:16,866 Congratulations, Simpson! 233 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,493 You're now my chief energy innovation marketing officer. 234 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,411 Whoo-hoo! 235 00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:24,165 All you've got to do is sell fracking to your friends and neighbors. 236 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,249 Whoo-hoo? 237 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,169 I don't know, "fracking" is one of those scary Lisa words. 238 00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,796 Bah! Fracking produces enough clean natural gas 239 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,050 to make America independent of sheiks, caliphs, and... 240 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,593 Scandinavians. 241 00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:37,845 Not to mention, it doesn't create any of that awful 242 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:40,097 worker-mutating nuclear waste. 243 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,932 Homer, game starts in an hour. 244 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,894 -Don't forget to set your fantasy lineup. -Thanks, Charlie. 245 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,188 Maybe fracking isn't so bad. 246 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,565 Then say yes to this raise, this promotion, 247 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,484 and this flannel shirt, which says-- 248 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,653 "I'm not screwing you over." 249 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,529 I'm not screwing you over. 250 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,532 No, uh, I'm not screwing you over. 251 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,868 I'm not screwing you over. 252 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:03,454 (crying) I'm so proud of you, Papa. 253 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,957 Some folks will tell you that fracking's no good, 254 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,709 but what they don't tell you is, 255 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,629 hydraulic fracturing creates jobs. 256 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,547 And all those new workers are gonna want 257 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:17,218 to spend their earnings buying what you're selling-- beer. 258 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,969 Authentic Italian food. 259 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,971 Useless left-handed crap. 260 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,723 Magical nonsense. 261 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:26,018 Expensive toys for grown-ups they don't open or play with. 262 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,812 Pornography and nachos. 263 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,564 High-quality Spanish-language programming. 264 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,858 High-quality methamphetamines. 265 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:36,237 Laundry, homework, pranks, poop, poop, and poop. 266 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,739 But our water was on fire. 267 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:42,118 How could you sell fracking for Mr. Burns? 268 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,453 'Cause I've never gotten a promotion before. 269 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,163 Once I thought I had, but it turned out 270 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,374 to be a beautifully-worded firing, 271 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:51,293 -so judge me all you want. -I am judging you. 272 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,379 -Good. Judge away. -Judge, judge, judge. 273 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:55,005 -Don't care. Don't care. -Judge, judge, judge. 274 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,549 -Judge, judge, judge. -Don't care. Don't care. 275 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,050 -Don't care. Don't care. -Judge, judge... 276 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,844 Pumping frack cash. 277 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,388 It's a gas cash... blast? 278 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,849 Residents of Evergreen Terrace are undecided 279 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:07,893 whether to sell their mineral rights to Mr. Burns. 280 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,187 Mr. Burns is a vampire, 281 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,857 sucking the lifeblood of this town 282 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,484 and lining his coffin with cash. 283 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:19,405 Oh, Maxine, no one insults me in a sound bite the way you do. 284 00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:23,909 Oh, Monty, you're such a sexy little Nosferatu. 285 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,036 Same time tomorrow night? (chuckles) 286 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,580 I'll bring the oxygen. 287 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,874 -(quietly) Better bring two tanks. -Hmm? 288 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:33,294 And so, we see a clear correlation 289 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,671 between industrial hydro compounds 290 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,216 and water table contamination well outside the... 291 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,802 margin of error. 292 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,639 Mr. Simpson, rebuttal? 293 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:46,766 (clears throat) 294 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,726 Everyone who signs over their mineral rights 295 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,771 to Mr. Burns gets $5,000. 296 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,481 5,000 smackers?! 297 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,858 Money is like a job you don't even have to do! 298 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,693 -(dance music playing) -(cheering) 299 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,281 -Ay, dinero. -Signing Stu. 300 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:03,616 (laughter) 301 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,952 Yeah! 302 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,247 I think my arguments were more cogent-- bo-hyvik. 303 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,499 What?! 304 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,876 Cogent-- bo-hyvik! 305 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,085 (bird caws) 306 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,463 Mr. Burns, we did it! 307 00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:21,008 Everyone in the neighborhood sold us their gas rights! 308 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,426 Hmm. 309 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,846 Excellent. 310 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,765 No, no. It's excellent. It's excellent. 311 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,850 Uh, maybe you can help me, Simpson. 312 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,769 You've had a relationship or two in your life. 313 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,355 (laughing) Well... one. 314 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:37,733 I have embarked on a "beneficial friendship" 315 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,860 with a woman with whom I have nothing in common. 316 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:42,655 Her opinions are abhorrent to me, but the passion. 317 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:45,783 Well, look at these racy texts she sends me. 318 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,285 {\an8}(rhythmic clicking) 319 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,122 Oh, baby. 320 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,625 How long can I sustain this high-wire act 321 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,961 of loathing and lust? 322 00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,797 Well, I'm no Carl when it comes to this stuff, 323 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,590 but I ain't no Lenny, neither. 324 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,133 And I would say... 325 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,387 no matter how much you try to keep things casual, 326 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,639 someone always gets hurt. 327 00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:11,517 Hmm. Well, then I must harden my heart 328 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,477 against such an outcome. 329 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,481 I appreciate the counsel, Simpson. 330 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,442 Now, please trap-door yourself out. 331 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,319 Glad I could be of help! 332 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,654 (indistinct chatter) 333 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:28,576 Do you have the signed gas leases? 334 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,247 Hold on. This feels light. 335 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,999 Ah. 336 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,917 One of these deeds is missing a signature. 337 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:40,129 The gas rights transfer form for 742 Evergreen Terrace 338 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:43,674 was never signed by... Marge Simpson. 339 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:46,385 (gasps) Marge, why didn't you sign? 340 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:49,263 Our water was on fire! 341 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,307 I'm sorry, but the law states 342 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:54,560 that unless every single resident sells their rights, 343 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:57,271 Burns can't frack drop one! 344 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,356 ALL: Oh! 345 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,067 Oh, I was counting on that money to pay for my other calf implant. 346 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,360 MOE: Yuck. 347 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:06,030 I already felt the pride of energy independence. 348 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,282 (overlapping crowd chatter) 349 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,160 Marge Simpson, I'm as mad at you 350 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,537 as you usually are at me! 351 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,456 -(gasps) -Hmm! 352 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,875 (indistinct chatter) 353 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,419 (wind whistling) 354 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,212 Cheer up, Monty. 355 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,089 All you lost was money, 356 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,675 but what you get is... me. 357 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,764 {\an8}(cracking) 358 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:34,266 All I lost was money? 359 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,936 Let me make one thing perfectly clear. 360 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,771 Our dalliance meant nothing to me! 361 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,774 You were but a sprig of parsley garnishing my beefsteak. 362 00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:45,361 Now I cast you aside for the busboys to gnaw upon. 363 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:48,197 Considered this ill-conceived affair terminated! 364 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,573 (gasps) 365 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:55,412 (chuckles) I played this just perfectly. 366 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,084 HOMER: Oh, yeah, great. 367 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,503 Great, Marge, great work. 368 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:06,632 Thanks to you, Springfield will never be a natural gas boomtown, 369 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:09,885 and like all boomtowns, it would have lasted forever. 370 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,430 Oh... our water was on fire. 371 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:17,017 Oh! Was on fire. Was! 372 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,144 I finally got a job I was good at, 373 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,021 and now I have to give it up! 374 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,523 (grunts) 375 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,651 So, you've come begging not to be fired? 376 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:27,695 Smithers, turn my back on this man! 377 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,114 Maximum huff! 378 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,866 Wait, Mr. Burns. I'm here to man up. 379 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,369 It was all my wife's fault! (sighs heavily) 380 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,205 Sometimes I think she and I have nothing in common! 381 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:41,041 Nothing in common, eh? Tell me more. 382 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,501 Marge likes sushi. 383 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,628 I like gum that squirts in your mouth. 384 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,296 She's into romantic comedies. 385 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,134 I like movies where there's only one day a year when murder is legal. 386 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:53,387 Yup, Marge and I see the world in totally different ways. 387 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,222 Hmm. Different, exactly. 388 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:58,308 That's why I had to give my woman the old heave-ho. 389 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,728 So, you don't miss that politics lady at all? 390 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,688 Not for one Chinese second. 391 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,606 And I'm sure she's forgotten all about me. 392 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,818 (both gasp) 393 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,403 HOMER: Killdozers. 394 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:10,946 Whatever are you doing, man?! 395 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,408 We're tearing down this place and putting up a recycling center, 396 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,119 slash Native American history museum, 397 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,038 slash condor sanctuary. 398 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,497 (screeches) 399 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,542 Hmm. A project this bloated and ill thought out 400 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,753 could only be the work of an angry liberal. 401 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:27,337 (gasps) Maxine! 402 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,882 My ex is using the thing I hate most against me-- 403 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,341 big government. 404 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,760 (grunts) 405 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,428 -(chatter) -(camera shutters clicking) 406 00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:37,514 Stop this ribbon cutting! This is private property! 407 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,391 What's the matter, Mr. Burns? 408 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,935 Never heard of eminent domain? 409 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,438 You're just doing this to get back at me for dumping you! 410 00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,607 That is ridiculous. 411 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,906 (gasps) The Antonin Scalia bedroom! 412 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:57,618 It's a National Public Radio broadcast center now. 413 00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,119 Who are you? 414 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:02,164 I'm Robert Siegel, and this is All Things Considered. 415 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,291 (theme music playing) 416 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,132 {\an8}-(groaning) -Stop laying about, you! 417 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,550 {\an8}There's work to be done! 418 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,136 {\an8}(weakly) Or Gravy Thursday. 419 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,180 If that woman thinks she's been scorned now, 420 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,474 she ain't seen nothing yet! 421 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:29,691 (clacking) 422 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,985 It's fracking time. 423 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,821 (squeaking) 424 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,073 (whooshing) 425 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,200 (rumbling) 426 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,370 (groaning) 427 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,539 (Bart groaning) 428 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,624 (grunts) 429 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,293 (groans) 430 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:52,464 Is one of the side effects of fracking earthquakes? 431 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,383 (voice shaking) Yes! 432 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:01,640 What are you doing? You're destroying this neighborhood. 433 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,309 Just like you destroyed my mansion. 434 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,353 I don't know what I ever saw in you, 435 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,647 you planet-ruining monster! 436 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,316 Likewise, you planet-saving succubus! 437 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,194 (metallic rattling) 438 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,282 Homer, turn off that horrible machine! 439 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,909 You don't know anything about hydraulic fracturing! 440 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,912 You've just been brainwashed by liberal TV shows 441 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,498 who use fracking as an easy bad guy, 442 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,834 but it can save this country! 443 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,587 Our... water... was... 444 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,839 on... fire! 445 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:37,217 Wait. I finally get what you're saying. 446 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,886 Fracking is great, 447 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,471 but the only place it should ever happen 448 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,099 is in other people's towns! 449 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,601 Hmm. 450 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,186 (grunting) 451 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,653 (grunting nervously) 452 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,789 You always do the right thing... sort of. 453 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,500 What is he doing? 454 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,961 He was furious at that woman, now he's embracing her. 455 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,255 He told me himself they had nothing in common. 456 00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,341 Nothing except passion. 457 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,509 -Mm. -(cracking) 458 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,220 (hearts beating) 459 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,263 I was a fool to break up with you, Maxine. 460 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,391 I'm sorry I turned your home into a liberal paradise. 461 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,228 You think we could make us work? 462 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,730 I don't know. We're pretty different. 463 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,483 But we've got passion, and as long as we've got that, 464 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,444 our lives will never get boring. 465 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,571 Mmm. 466 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,742 Oh, there's free jazz on Saturdays at the art museum. 467 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,496 Now they say omega-3 pills are bad for you. 468 00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:50,707 My sister's dog had puppies. 469 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,293 What kind? 470 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,545 What kind of what? 471 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:58,006 What kind of dog does your sister have? 472 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,342 I don't know. 473 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,400 {\an8}What color drawer pulls did you want? 474 00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:18,360 {\an8}Nickel or brushed nickel? 475 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,948 {\an8}Oh, I wish we'd bought the more expensive theater tickets. 476 00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:25,826 {\an8}I'll never see anything in row BB. 477 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,707 {\an8}There's a sale on lawn furniture at the Lawns Plus. 478 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,421 {\an8}Why are all cars black or gray now? 479 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,881 {\an8}It's like if you see a red one, it's a big deal. 480 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:46,471 {\an8}I'm thinking about wearing a watch again. 481 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,187 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 482 00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,985 Subtitled by B. Everdene