1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,256 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,468 D'oh! 3 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,269 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,147 {\an8}(clears throat) 5 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,441 {\an8}The students of Springfield Elementary 6 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,819 {\an8}have each created an alternative energy vehicle. 7 00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:31,614 {\an8}One of which will ensure the future of humanity. 8 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,450 {\an8}As determined by a short race across the parking lot. 9 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,659 {\an8}Yeah, yeah. 10 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:38,580 And now, uh, what is your car powered by, uh, 11 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,998 fat little boy? 12 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,167 Hydrogen-powered fuel cells. 13 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,002 Ah, hydrogen-- yeah, yes, wonderful. 14 00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:46,212 My car is powered by the wind! 15 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,340 Oh, how it blows. 16 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,342 {\an8}Mine is potato-powered. 17 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:54,637 {\an8}I keep telling you I'm not a potato. 18 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,681 {\an8}Be quiet, hash browns! 19 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,808 {\an8}Dad, I'm so excited! I think-- 20 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,393 {\an8}Hey, please don't stand so close. 21 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:03,855 {\an8}In the world of solar power, shadows are the archenemy. 22 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:05,440 {\an8}I think I might win. 23 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,817 {\an8}I believe in you, and that's a given. 24 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,027 {\an8}But I don't know. 25 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,738 {\an8}That kid's car has flames painted on the side of it. 26 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,782 {\an8}Why would he do it if it wasn't fast? 27 00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,535 {\an8}Children, start your engines! 28 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:18,828 {\an8}They're not engines! 29 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,705 {\an8}That's the whole point of this thing! 30 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,123 {\an8}Yeah... just go. 31 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,458 {\an8}(crowd cheering) 32 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:29,130 {\an8}That never works. 33 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,548 {\an8}Yahoo! 34 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,550 {\an8}I'm sun-made racin'! 35 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,177 {\an8}Duff Beer, the only way 36 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,429 {\an8}to get fathers through kids' events. 37 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,348 {\an8}Huh? 38 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,225 {\an8}What? No! That shouldn't happen! 39 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,352 {\an8}I should have stored energy! 40 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,856 {\an8}You skimped on the cadmium in your batteries, 41 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,399 {\an8}just like a girl. 42 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,610 {\an8}Stick to the liberal arts, honey. 43 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,862 {\an8}Uh, have fun going to Oberlin! (laughs) 44 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,198 {\an8}Maybe you can transfer after a couple years... 45 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,117 {\an8}to Bates! (laughing) 46 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,202 {\an8}Enjoy Maine in the winter! 47 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:02,080 {\an8}Hope you like Division III basketball! 48 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,790 {\an8}(boys laughing) 49 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:04,916 {\an8}(crying) 50 00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,585 {\an8}Now, don't you worry, kid. 51 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,213 {\an8}They also laughed at Amelia Vanderbuckle. 52 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,256 {\an8}(sniffling) 53 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,550 {\an8}Amelia Vanderbuckle? Who's she? 54 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,803 {\an8}Ah, she was Springfield's original lady inventor. 55 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,263 {\an8}Ah...! 56 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,806 {\an8}Why have I never heard of her? 57 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,641 {\an8}Well, totally nuts. 58 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,934 {\an8}She made a mess of everything. 59 00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:24,310 {\an8}Oh! 60 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,729 {\an8}Easy, girly, don't go Vanderbuckle on us. 61 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,231 {\an8}(grunting) 62 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,823 "Amelia Vanderbuckle lived in Springfield 63 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,324 in the 1800s. 64 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,286 She was the middle child of a family of 17, 65 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:44,414 12 of whom died from exposure to drafty windows. 66 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:48,459 Her father worked as a human canary in the poison mines." 67 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,004 "Amelia was the first 68 00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,131 female graduate of Springfield Tech." 69 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,549 Do you have to read out loud? 70 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,801 I'm trying to pour ants in this doll. 71 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,928 (louder) "Among other things, she was the proud inventor 72 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,389 of the steam-powered barber chair." 73 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,517 (jaunty, tinny piano music playing) 74 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:15,987 (both scream) 75 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,071 I want one! 76 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,115 "A medical board diagnosed Amelia 77 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,827 with acute feminine overreachism, and she was..." 78 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,495 (gasps) "She was committed 79 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,373 to the Springfield Home for the Criminally Different." 80 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,292 Whoa, the banana cabana? 81 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,835 "But Amelia never gave up, 82 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,462 continuing to work as an inventor 83 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,048 within the confines of the asylum." 84 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,216 BART: Ay, caramba! 85 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,134 Bart, if we find those inventions, 86 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,095 we can prove that Amelia was scientifically significant. 87 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,764 -Pass. -Listen to me. 88 00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,016 I need to prove this woman was not a lunatic 89 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,310 so people will not giggle when they hear the words 90 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,978 "woman scientist." 91 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,606 (chuckles) "Woman scientist." 92 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,275 What's next-- boy cigarette girl? 93 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,027 -(Grampa laughs in distance) -Let me ask again. 94 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:59,697 Will you help me break into an abandoned insane asylum? 95 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,699 {\an8}(wind gusting, whistling) 96 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,661 {\an8}Abandoned asylum, where have you been all my life? 97 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,037 {\an8}How do we get in? 98 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,997 {\an8}Well, I'd say the best bet 99 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,540 {\an8}is the sewer pipe. 100 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,708 {\an8}Oh, gee. 101 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,002 (echoing) Oh, come on, Bart. 102 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,545 Or this door. 103 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,047 Bart! 104 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,757 (laughs) 105 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:26,099 The ghosts of a thousand lunatics are making me hot. 106 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,434 Yeah, what doesn't make you hot? 107 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,144 Alcoholic stepfathers. 108 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,276 (goofy grunting and snorting) 109 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,694 Ew! Stop that! 110 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,696 You don't know who had that in their mouth. 111 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,197 Sure I do-- some luno! 112 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,116 Mmm, that's good crazy. 113 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,242 Ew. 114 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,952 "Vanderbean, Vanderbottom, 115 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,537 Vanderbozo--" 116 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,580 Ah, here we go-- Vanderbuckle. 117 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,791 "Vanderbuckle, Alfred; Vanderbuckle, Alice; 118 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,626 Vanderbuckle, Allspice; 119 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,169 Vanderbuckle, Amelia"! 120 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,297 A wax cylinder! 121 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,881 Amelia recorded her voice! 122 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,133 (nonchalant) Mm. 123 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,554 AMELIA: Though I have been locked up in this sanitarium 124 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,514 for lo, these many years, 125 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:09,767 I have completed an invention that will change the world! 126 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:10,935 Bart! Did you hear that? 127 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,437 (imitating Dracula) Good evening. 128 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,398 Because I am not taken seriously due to my gender, 129 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,859 a friendly guard has hidden my invention 130 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:20,570 until a future time, when some liberated young woman 131 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,448 has the permission of her husband to look for it. 132 00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,575 There's a whole closet of these things! 133 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,744 How many magicians did they have in this place? 134 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,038 Find my journal, and it will lead you 135 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,789 to my greatest invention! 136 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,917 P.S. Nikola Tesla might have told you he broke up with me, 137 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,627 but I broke up with him. 138 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,129 Aah! 139 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:41,132 We've got to find that journal. 140 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,390 Ooh! 141 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:53,895 "Dear Diary, today I watched a neighbor's house burn down. 142 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,439 This will teach their dog to laugh at me." 143 00:05:56,522 --> 00:06:00,401 Whoa! Look at me! I'm enjoying reading! 144 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,112 Guys, did you ever read something 145 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,323 and think it was written just for you? 146 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,534 Behold... the diary of Nathan Little! 147 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,956 "I pushed a vagabond under a trolley." 148 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,583 What's a trolley? 149 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:16,667 Old-timey subway. 150 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,753 -What's a vagabond? -Homeless guy. 151 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,714 (sobbing, wailing) 152 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,341 What's a homeless guy? 153 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:28,638 Ralphie! Come on, we got daddy-son tap class! 154 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,264 Tap class! 155 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,725 Where is that kid? We got a recital next week 156 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,186 and his timestep is terrible, let alone flair. 157 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,771 Tap class! 158 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,981 Tuh... tap class? 159 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,149 (boys scream) 160 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,818 Ralphie, what is going on here? 161 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,570 Bart made us read pages from a scary diary. 162 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,990 I was so a-scared, sour juice came out my front tail. 163 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,328 Bart wrote this? This is bad. 164 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,996 Ooh, really bad. 165 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,582 I don't think we're gonna make it to... 166 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,584 tap class. 167 00:06:58,668 --> 00:06:59,752 (knocking on door) 168 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,505 -Chief Wiggum? -Your son is dead... 169 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:03,923 (loud gasp) 170 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,508 ...inside. 171 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,009 (quieter gasp) 172 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,428 That's bad, too. 173 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,847 Yeah, these are pages from your son's diary. 174 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,558 I'm afraid they very clearly show him to be... 175 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,268 a sociopath. 176 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,187 Hmm. Well, I've never seen Bart write in cursive, 177 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,231 so I'm a little proud of that, 178 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:22,066 but this is the worst thing 179 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,360 that's ever happened to this family. 180 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,862 Oh, I'm sorry, Marge. 181 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,738 And... shuffle off, 182 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,407 shuffle off, 183 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,033 shuffle off. 184 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,206 (Homer humming cheerfully) 185 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,125 Homie, I've learned something terrible about Bart. 186 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:40,460 You may want to have a drink. 187 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,462 Way ahead of ya. 188 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,715 Chief Wiggum found these pages from our son's diary! 189 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,468 Oh, I've had a long day. 190 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,720 Bart might be a sociopath. 191 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,138 Socio-what? 192 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,308 {\an8}(groans) "Someone who can't feel empathy or guilt. 193 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,644 {\an8}They do terrible things and don't care who it hurts." 194 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,021 (doorbell chiming repeatedly) 195 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,398 Don't answer that! It could be Bart! 196 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,401 -Bart has a key. -What?! Who gave him a key?! 197 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,321 Hey, Mrs. Simpson. Can Bart come over 198 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,906 and see my grandfather's collection 199 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,241 of Japanese swords and throwing daggers? 200 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,078 Aah! Why don't you play with Lisa instead, hmm? 201 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:16,996 (grunts) 202 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:19,332 Konnichi-whaaa...?! 203 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,500 Hey, Milhouse. 204 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,418 Wow, this is a surprise. 205 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,421 I'm usually sweating when we talk, but not this time. 206 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,383 It's amazing how you can charm and disgust me at the same time. 207 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,927 That's just what happens 208 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,179 when I'm with the prettiest girl in town. 209 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,430 Aw... 210 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,932 (cackles, snorts) 211 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,016 Ew. 212 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,768 Amelia's journal tells us 213 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,770 that her invention is buried in the basement 214 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,772 of the Springfield Suffragette Society. 215 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,774 Ah... anyone ever tell you 216 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,943 you're beautiful when you're sleuthing? 217 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,279 Milhouse, did the Hardy Boys ever hit on Nancy Drew? 218 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,948 Frank did, but Joe... 219 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,784 let's just say there's a mystery about him. 220 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,037 The Suffragette Society was right here. 221 00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,793 Oh... here? 222 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,295 Hey, sweetie, you looking for your mom? 223 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,048 I'll find her-- just, uh, give me her cup size. 224 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,633 Actually, we're here because your basement 225 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,177 is home to a landmark of feminist history. 226 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,720 Do you mind if we poke around? 227 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,931 The basement, eh? Yeah, that's where we wash 228 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:19,308 the ketchup off the old onion rings. 229 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,811 -So no. -These guys want a children's menu? 230 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,479 Nah, they're just leavin'. 231 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,815 Seriously, kids, I got to switch ten TVs 232 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:29,485 over to the fourth round of the NBA draft, so get lost. 233 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,363 All right, Denver Nuggets on the clock, people! 234 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:35,992 Okay, I found a test online 235 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,493 that will tell us, once and for all, 236 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,412 whether Bart is a... you know. 237 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:40,496 HOMER: Wait a minute! 238 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,583 We can't just give Bart something labeled "Sociopath Test"! 239 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,502 He might look it up and set us on fire with his mind! 240 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,170 You're right! We need Bart to think 241 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,839 the test is for something else. 242 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,258 Finally! A use for the label maker! 243 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:58,180 One of you betrayed me, and snitches lose their stitches. 244 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,849 (high-pitched) Sit on my banana! 245 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,434 (low voice) Why, you little...! 246 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,019 (grunting) 247 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,937 Where does he get this stuff? 248 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,690 Hey, son, your mom and I just found this quiz 249 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,442 you'd really love to take. 250 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,027 "Are You a Jet Ski Dude 251 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,945 or a Motocross Maestro?" 252 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,114 Remember to answer the questions honestly. 253 00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:17,366 We want to know if you meet the clinical definition 254 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,619 of "Jet Ski dude." 255 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:25,416 "I enjoy manipulating other people." 256 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,376 "I believe I'm being followed." 257 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,838 "Sometimes I feel as if I must injure myself or someone else." 258 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:31,881 Agree, agree, agree. 259 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,383 Hmm. 260 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,551 "Sociopath." 261 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,677 What's that? 262 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,057 Ay, caramba! 263 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,059 That's what they think I am? 264 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:46,562 Fine! I'll pretend to be the biggest sociopath in the world! 265 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,190 And I only need to change three answers. 266 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,858 -Is he nuts? -I don't know. 267 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,110 -What do you think? -I mean, he looks nuts, 268 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,904 -that's for sure. -(clears throat) 269 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,572 So, here's your test. 270 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,741 Call me crazy, but I enjoyed it. 271 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,743 (Bart whistling "Pop Goes the Weasel") 272 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,079 Hmm. 273 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,581 Well, the good news is that Bart just got 274 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,334 his first 100% ever on a test. 275 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:10,419 Oh, my God. What do we do? 276 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,921 Whatever Bart wants. 277 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,547 (snickers) 278 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,466 ♪ Crazy ♪ 279 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:18,177 ♪ But that's how it goes ♪ 280 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,015 ♪ Millions of people ♪ 281 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,935 ♪ Living as foes ♪ 282 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,939 ♪ Maybe ♪ 283 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,982 ♪ It's not too late ♪ 284 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,067 (tires screeching) 285 00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,405 ♪ To learn how to love ♪ 286 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,782 ♪ And forget how to hate ♪ 287 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,995 ♪ Mental wounds not healing ♪ 288 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,290 ♪ Life's a bitter shame ♪ 289 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,960 ♪ I'm going off the rails ♪ 290 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,129 ♪ On a crazy train ♪ 291 00:11:55,548 --> 00:12:00,219 ♪ I'm going off the rails on a crazy train ♪ 292 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,396 Thanks. 293 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,897 (male voice, Scottish accent) My pleasure. 294 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,941 Anything to take down Knockers. 295 00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:16,152 I've always hated them, because they wouldn't open up 296 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:19,989 at 4:00 a.m. to show the World Caber Tossing Championships. 297 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,491 Okay, Willie, you can only use the jackhammer 298 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,535 when there's lots of noise upstairs. 299 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:25,995 No worries. 300 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,830 It is Monday Night Football, 301 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,082 by which I mean American football, 302 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,376 by which I mean no football at all! 303 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,503 -(muffled cheering and applause) -(jackhammering) 304 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,297 (gasps) There's the box! 305 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,465 (muffled cheering and applause) 306 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,635 Ow! Medium spicy! 307 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,221 Ach! We've hit the hot sauce supply line! 308 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:48,642 I'll have to neutralize it with some signature blue cheese! 309 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:51,145 Ah...! 310 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,441 Look at me! I'm a sociopath! 311 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,526 Marge, it's time we did something. 312 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,196 We can take him swimming. That makes him sleepy. 313 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,698 Not good enough. We have to call the number 314 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,575 at the bottom of the test. 315 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,202 What number? 316 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,870 -Right there. -"New Beginnings"? 317 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,165 We're gonna trust our son to an 800 number? 318 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,875 It's 888. 319 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,085 Marge, this is for his own good. 320 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,087 He failed an online test. 321 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,465 How much more proof do you need? 322 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,383 Cue-abunga! 323 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,052 -(Flanders screams) -(Bart laughs) 324 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:26,806 -Surprise! -Surprise! 325 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,808 Whoa, cool! But wait a minute, 326 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,810 my birthday's not for another two months. 327 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,646 We know! But we wanted to have your party now! 328 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:37,066 They were having a sale on piñatas and... 329 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,277 one thing led to another so we, you know, 330 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:43,155 had a thing, mumble, mumble, mumble... mumble... 331 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,406 Well, where are my friends? 332 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,659 Well, I was gonna mail out invites, 333 00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:50,079 but I was out of stamps and the post office line was long, 334 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,706 (mumbling) and I didn't know where all the little... 335 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,333 Well, more cake for me. 336 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,752 No, no, no, no. Do the Moon Bounce first. 337 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,587 Yes! The Moon Bounce! 338 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,715 Don't want you throwing up this delicious cake. 339 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:02,842 (clunking) 340 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,596 (grunting, laughing) 341 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,643 (laughing) 342 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:13,853 Huh? 343 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:14,854 Eh. 344 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,648 (laughing) 345 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:20,109 -(engine revs, tires squeal) -BART: Whoa! 346 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,903 (Bart laughing) 347 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,120 Wait a minute. What is this? 348 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,288 Is it an asylum? 349 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,873 No, it's a pizza parlor. 350 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,292 Please tell me, Dad, is it really a pizza parlor? 351 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,295 No, son-- the pizza parlor is where your mom and I 352 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,131 are going afterwards. Now, you're gonna be fine. 353 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,466 I wouldn't be surprised if you were the least messed-up kid 354 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,468 in the whole joint. We love you! 355 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,140 Wait, wait, wait! I didn't even get to say good-bye. 356 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,558 Good-bye! 357 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,476 I'll never forgive you! 358 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,312 There. You happy? 359 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,235 Let me out! I was just playing a joke! 360 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,488 A cruel joke on people that love me! That I don't regret! 361 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,282 That doesn't make me a sociopath! 362 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:09,992 -(door creaks open) -WOMAN: Children, 363 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:14,413 form a line in order of medication from Adderall to Zoloft. 364 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,169 You have been brought here for a purpose. 365 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:22,671 You are fearless, and no one can stop you. 366 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,506 Which means you'll be of great use... 367 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,675 To the U.S. military. 368 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,678 I expected more of a reaction. 369 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,181 I waited outside the door and everything. 370 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,516 They don't react. That's what we want. 371 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,185 Right. 372 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,771 We'll be using you in the ultimate video game 373 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:42,274 to test these U.S. Air Force drone simulators. 374 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,027 Man, that is a tough crowd. 375 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,445 {\an8}HOMER: Oh! 376 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,699 Mom, Dad, I've discovered the most amazing thing! 377 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,118 I can't wait... Um, where's Bart? 378 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,871 -He's safe. -And more importantly, we're safe. 379 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,289 (sobs) 380 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,750 I miss him so much. 381 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,877 (panting) 382 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,879 Oh. Can I call him? 383 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,048 You can call his guard, Tico. 384 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,216 He picks up sometimes. 385 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,550 I see. 386 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,469 Okay, I'll do that. 387 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,721 Homie, where did we go wrong? 388 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,723 I don't know, sweetie. I don't know. 389 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,978 We did everything we could for him during the commercials. 390 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:22,231 And we're live as Lisa Simpson prepares to prove 391 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,900 that Springfield embarrassment Amelia Vanderbuckle 392 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,028 deserves to be in the female scientific pantheon, 393 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,072 along with Marie Curie and, uh, 394 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,074 you know, uh, um, 395 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,576 Velma from Scooby-Doo. 396 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,412 Thank you all for coming out 397 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:40,332 to support a woman's place in history! 398 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:41,667 That's what this is? 399 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,794 I thought it was a Green Bay Packers rally. 400 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,754 All right, you know what, this ain't coming off. 401 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:50,050 Behold, the masterpiece of Amelia Vanderbuckle. 402 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:51,844 (crowd murmurs) 403 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,178 A loom?! 404 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,388 That isn't science. 405 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:55,931 That's home economics. 406 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,850 Everyone, storm the stage! 407 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,852 -(crowd clamoring) -Not so fast! 408 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,520 This is no ordinary loom! 409 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,439 Even an extraordinary loom 410 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,858 is the most boring thing I could think of. 411 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,611 This is much, much more than just a loom. 412 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,030 (clacking) 413 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,532 (squeaking, clicking) 414 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,284 (whirring, clanking) 415 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,582 (puffing) 416 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,502 (crowd gasping in wonder) 417 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,671 -It's alive! -And polite! 418 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:33,010 "Operand"? Looks like it wants us to give it a math problem. 419 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,184 (grunting) 420 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,268 (whirring, thudding) 421 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:43,854 Oh, my God. Oh, God! 422 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,148 It's the first computational device! 423 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,900 People, people, don't you see? 424 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,735 The board acts like punch cards 425 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,487 and the loom like a computer, 426 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,907 with the Charles Babbage and the John von Neumann... 427 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,327 Let's have-- the square root of nine-- cheers for Lisa! 428 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,330 (whirring, clanking) 429 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:05,084 ALL: Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 430 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,921 You see that, Bart? You see what your sister did? 431 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,005 Yeah, yeah, great. 432 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,007 Listen, I'm in a simulator, 433 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,383 so I can't really talk. 434 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,344 And you know I'm a sociopath, 435 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,012 so I'm just going through the motions here. 436 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,180 I love you. 437 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,598 I was just saying that to myself. 438 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,350 (beep) 439 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,019 Kaboom! Blam-blam-blam! 440 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,062 Have a smart bomb, stupid. 441 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,188 (imitates explosions) 442 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,856 Nice not knowin' ya. 443 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,233 MALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: All targets destroyed. 444 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,859 Simulation complete. 445 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,030 You are impressive. 446 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,199 Even though I'm the only real person in the world, 447 00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,535 and, therefore, I created you in my imagination. 448 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:42,371 Children, your empty souls and flying fingers 449 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,207 are very impressive, and I can tell you now 450 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,709 that was no simulation. 451 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,462 You mean we were blowing up real stuff? 452 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,382 That's right-- convoys, terrorist training camps, 453 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,135 suspicious weddings, Kabul Starbucks. 454 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:57,803 -Cool! -I knew it! 455 00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,222 (voice breaking) No, I thought it was a video game. 456 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,432 I don't want to hurt real people. 457 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,226 Oh, I want to go home. 458 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,727 Please? 459 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,229 How disappointing. 460 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:10,315 Does anyone else share the human boy's feelings? 461 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,402 Son, the truth is, the simulators we told you 462 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,655 weren't simulators were simulators. 463 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:17,573 (all gasping) 464 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:18,907 Now, I'm sorry, Bart, 465 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,243 but you are a healthy, normal boy. 466 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,828 We're sending you home. 467 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,706 Really? Oh, wow. Dudes, it's been real. 468 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,416 Although, actually, it was all a fake. 469 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,585 I'll never forget you, Bart Simpson. 470 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,628 742 Evergreen Terrace. 471 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,755 Dog door in the back that has no lock. 472 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,048 (knocking on door) 473 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,261 My little guy is back! 474 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,681 And I'm not bad! I just made bad decisions. 475 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,600 (crying) It's okay, boy. 476 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:47,603 You started out life as a bad decision. 477 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,772 The best bad decision I ever made. 478 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,108 (all crying) 479 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,111 (crying) And I restored the reputation 480 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,864 of a scientist from 100 years ago. 481 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:05,329 (crying) And Maggie tried strawberries for the first time. 482 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:08,999 What a day! What a day! 483 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,542 (sucking strawberry) 484 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,132 {\an8}Okay, Lisa, go ahead and say it. 485 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,550 {\an8}Don't be ashamed. 486 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,677 {\an8}I'm immortal! 487 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,055 (echoing) ...immortal! 488 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,724 Hey, Madam Docent, want to come see? 489 00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,809 DOCENT: Oh, I'd love to, but there's a huge crowd here 490 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,020 at the Science of Thor exhibit. 491 00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:33,941 Hey, tour! Want to see a great invention and its plaque? 492 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,651 We're just passing through to the café. 493 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:36,902 Double-time, tour. 494 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:39,905 How 'bout you, sir? 495 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,657 Je ne parle pas l'Anglais. 496 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,034 Pas de problème. Je parle français! 497 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:46,662 Uh, leave me alone, little girl! 498 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:56,922 {\an8}Okay, pal, if you are indeed a personal computer... 499 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,678 {\an8}Oh, baby. Spin that yarn. 500 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:05,013 {\an8}Now, that is a loom with a view. 501 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,975 {\an8}MARGE: Homie! Come help me carry the groceries! 502 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,017 {\an8}(shouts) Yeah! 503 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,103 {\an8}Clear history, clear history. 504 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,814 {\an8}Just working on your anniversary present. 505 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,525 {\an8}I know this looks like nothing, 506 00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,485 {\an8}but it's actually bad. 507 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,612 {\an8}♪ ♪ 508 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167 Shh! 509 00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:39,965 Subtitled by M. Tan