1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:04,921 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,297 (groans) 3 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,592 D'oh! 4 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,178 -(tires screech) -(grunts) 5 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,978 (alarm blaring) 6 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:22,188 (Paul Engemann's "Push It to the Limit" playing) 7 00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:39,414 {\an8}♪ Push it to the limit ♪ 8 00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:44,794 ♪ Walk along the razor's edge ♪ 9 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,464 ♪ But don't look down, just keep your head ♪ 10 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,632 ♪ Or you'll be finished ♪ 11 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,426 ♪ ♪ 12 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,555 ♪ Open up the limit ♪ 13 00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,351 ♪ Past the point of no return ♪ 14 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:03,521 ♪ You've reached the top but still you gotta learn ♪ 15 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,399 ♪ How to keep it ♪ 16 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:12,072 {\an8}♪ Welcome to the limit ♪ 17 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,573 ♪ The limit ♪ 18 00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:16,326 ♪ Take it maybe one step more ♪ 19 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,495 ♪ The power game's still playing ♪ 20 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,997 ♪ So you better push it to the limit... ♪ 21 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:25,251 ♪ The limit, the limit, the limit, the limit, the limit ♪ 22 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:28,421 Damn reruns. 23 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,298 {\an8}-(music stops) -(squeaking) 24 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,011 (theme music playing) 25 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,266 (indistinct shouting) 26 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,980 "Even then, a wish, I mind its pow'r, 27 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,483 A wish that to my latest hour 28 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,945 Shall strongly heave my breast, 29 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:57,367 {\an8}That I for poor auld Scotland's sake..." 30 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,285 {\an8}(shouts) 31 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,121 {\an8}All right, you little monsters! 32 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,040 {\an8}You've awakened Scotland's shame! 33 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,459 {\an8}(playing bagpipes) 34 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,795 {\an8}(screaming) 35 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,047 {\an8}(grunting) 36 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,260 {\an8}Willie, you know you can't play that torture trumpet to kids. 37 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,096 {\an8}I'll just use it to vape, then. 38 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,099 {\an8}(laughs) 39 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:24,269 {\an8}Class, I would like you to meet your new teacher, 40 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:27,021 {\an8}retired Air Force Sergeant 41 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,606 {\an8}-Ms. Berrera. -BART: Ay, caramba! 42 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,150 {\an8}-Air Force? -Sergeant? 43 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,526 {\an8}A woman? 44 00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:32,986 {\an8}(Spanish accent) Good morning, crew. 45 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:35,280 {\an8}I am proud to be here educating my country. 46 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,365 {\an8}(students gasping) 47 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,117 {\an8}For you, teacher. 48 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,580 {\an8}Because if there's one thing I learned in combat, 49 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:47,000 {\an8}it's that the most powerful weapon is knowledge. 50 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,252 {\an8}What's the second most powerful weapon? 51 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,255 {\an8}Shoulder-mounted anti-tank missile. Duh. 52 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,091 {\an8}Did you ever American Sniper someone? 53 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,845 {\an8}Uh, that's really not appropriate for me to say. 54 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,015 {\an8}How many hospitals did you help build? 55 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,766 {\an8}Negative three. 56 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,685 {\an8}BART: Oh, my God, I've got a cool teacher. 57 00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:08,104 {\an8}What am I doing? I'm sitting up straight, 58 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,814 {\an8}and my hands are folded like a nerd. 59 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,858 {\an8}-I've got to fix that. -Yes? 60 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,360 {\an8}(gasps) Now one's up in the air. 61 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,572 {\an8}Okay, let's show this innocent young veteran 62 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:21,367 {\an8}what happens when you call on Bart Simpson. 63 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,119 {\an8}Ma'am, my name is Bart, 64 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,873 {\an8}and I just want to say how delighted I am that you're here. 65 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,416 {\an8}What the hell? 66 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,752 Thank you, Bart. 67 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,048 (gasps) A neck tat? 68 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:37,050 Milhouse, have you ever thought a teacher was cute? 69 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,761 Oh, yeah. I thought Krabappel was smokin'. 70 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,847 I kept every issue of the Fourth Gradian she was in. 71 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,974 Great lady. 72 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,144 (to tune of "Easy Lover") ♪ Pretty sober ♪ 73 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,190 ♪ I've only got one beer inside me ♪ 74 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,400 ♪ Pull me over ♪ 75 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:59,113 ♪ My blood alcohol is .03 ♪ 76 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,992 Oh, I like it when the drivers sing their blood alcohol level. 77 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,911 ♪ Not so sober ♪ 78 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:08,915 ♪ So drunk I'll eat gas station sushi ♪ 79 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,085 Homer, don't forget to pick up milk. 80 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:14,212 -Oh. -And not just any milk-- 81 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:17,257 healthy milk, without any hormones. 82 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,676 I won't forget. 83 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,388 Aw, they sell ads in thought bubbles now? 84 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,641 (whoops) I'm running a basic errand. 85 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:30,228 Homer Simpson buying a healthy product? 86 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:33,731 Now I have seen all of the things that there are to see. 87 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,942 -(beep) -That will be $16. 88 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:39,153 And can I interest you in any, uh, milk insurance? 89 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,571 $16?! 90 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:44,993 Oof, another case of the rich cows stickin' it to the little guy. 91 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:48,413 Okay, don't worry. We're going to get you into a milk today. 92 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,456 Hmm. 93 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:54,460 I like it's in a plastic bottle that'll be around for millions of years. 94 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,254 But is it good for my kids? 95 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,006 I know you have concerns. 96 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:01,843 But this video will gloss over all of your questions. 97 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,053 It'd better. 98 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,263 Hmm. 99 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:08,099 -How's that milk, Jimmy? -Boring. 100 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:11,436 Now, we could engineer a new Jimmy who is less of a brat, 101 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,814 but we'll just use science to jazz things up. 102 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,566 (jazz playing) 103 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,402 We used to feed boring old grass to cows. 104 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,113 That might have been fine for Farmer Brown. 105 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:25,158 But we brought in a next-gen blend of phenyl ketamine, 106 00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,911 ketyl phenamine, and a healthy sprinkling of transuranic elements. 107 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:33,958 But don't worry, we still get the milk from good old-fashioned cows. 108 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,219 That's the best milk I've ever had. 109 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,055 (chuckles) You said "milk." 110 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,265 We can't, legally. 111 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,851 I'm not the kind of guy advertising works on, 112 00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:54,020 but I'll take 20, no questions asked. 113 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,606 (Marge humming) 114 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,692 -Hmm? -(humming) 115 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,820 -Bart, you're up already? -Don't want to be late for school. 116 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,198 Hair combed, face washed? 117 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,034 -I thought I'd shake things up. -(humming) 118 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,702 Morning, Marge. Morning, Bart. 119 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,704 What the... Ooh, la, la. 120 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,957 Is it a court day today? Hmm, let's see. 121 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,460 (muttering) Nope, today we're off. 122 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:21,089 The courthouse is closed because the judge is becoming a citizen. 123 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:24,467 -What gives, boy? -Nothing's going on. 124 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,804 Some days a boy just wants to look like he's going to church, okay? 125 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,056 I'm the last one to breakfast? 126 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,392 (gasps) You guys are planning my birthday, right? 127 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,394 'Cause last year's was kind of lonely. 128 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,938 Boy, that's when I realized just how big 129 00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:39,148 a bowling alley really is. 130 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,235 Can we please get a move on? I do not want to miss any school. 131 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:45,321 Ooh, could this punctual Bart possibly be connected 132 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,115 to your cute new teacher? 133 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,575 Oh, do I have a cute new sexy teacher? 134 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,369 I hadn't noticed. 135 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:56,457 ♪ Bart likes his teacher, Bart likes his teacher ♪ 136 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,627 Hey, nothing can turn a boy's life around like a cute teacher. 137 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,046 Like what Michelle Pfeiffer did for Coolio. 138 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,007 In fact, to be supportive, I'll drive Bart to school. 139 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,302 Are you just trying to see how cute the teacher is? 140 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,972 Or how handsome he is, Marge. 141 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:12,306 (quietly) Not a he, right, boy? 142 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,142 -No. -(whoops softly) 143 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:17,895 Hmm? 144 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,565 Even my dad came back for this! 145 00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,650 That's right, son. But, uh, right after this, 146 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,610 I have to go get some cigarettes. 147 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,405 Last time, you never came back. (sobs) 148 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,240 Oh, don't cry, Norman. 149 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,909 -That's not my name! -Oh, right. 150 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,704 -That's my other abandoned son. -I have a brother! 151 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,291 And just what are you doing? 152 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:41,461 Putting the first new coat of paint on this school in 30 years. 153 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,962 (chuckles) 154 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:45,798 It's always good to have a joker in the platoon. 155 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,092 Bart, according to your folder, 156 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,677 you need some extra help. 157 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,387 Can you meet me after class? 158 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,015 No problemo. I can move my 3:30 freeze tag. 159 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,809 Ugh, just cancel. 160 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,562 Bart, I'm glad that you're trying, 161 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,647 but I am worried that you're starting from a place 162 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,400 far behind most students. 163 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,363 It's because I am so troubled, ma'am. 164 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,408 Vulnerable. I need a firm but pretty hand. 165 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,620 Oh. Would you like Martin Prince to tutor you? 166 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,997 No! Last time he was at my house, 167 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,875 he talked about bird-watching all day. 168 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,461 Even my mom got bored, and she loves boredom. 169 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:27,048 Well, I guess I could see you Tuesdays after school. 170 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,799 (sighs) 171 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:32,637 ♪ Tuesday ♪ 172 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,891 ♪ Afternoon ♪ 173 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:41,938 ♪ I'm just beginning to see ♪ 174 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,149 ♪ Now I'm on my way ♪ 175 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,862 ♪ It doesn't matter to me ♪ 176 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:55,034 ♪ Chasing the clouds away ♪ 177 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,370 SKINNER: Uh, Ms. Berrera? (clears throat) 178 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,664 I was, uh, wondering if you needed any help, 179 00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:02,083 uh, pulling your maps. 180 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,210 You have to give 'em a snap. 181 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,880 Otherwise, they just get longer and longer. 182 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,299 BART: Oh, my God, he loves her, too. 183 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,051 SKINNER: Oh, my God, he loves her, too. 184 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:14,762 HERRERA: (American accent) Oh, my God, they love me, too! 185 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:17,390 That's right. In my head, I sound like this. 186 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:25,064 LISA: No! No, no, no, no! 187 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,649 BART: What happened? Did jazz die? 188 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,401 Look at me! 189 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,238 Acne? But she's only eight. 190 00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:35,449 Somehow I'm becoming a squeaky-voiced teen! 191 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,743 (voice cracking) Do you want fries with that? 192 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,287 What am I saying?! 193 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:42,665 BART: I, too, was visited by the Ghost of Puberty Present. 194 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,125 I've got a starter 'stache. 195 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,128 Next, I'm a loser, then I'm a creep, then I'm a perv. 196 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,546 I've got to buy a van. 197 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:51,299 (crying) This isn't fair. 198 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,509 I'm not ready for my awkward years. 199 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,346 This is my happy childhood, for crying out loud! 200 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,265 Aw. Beep, bop, boop. 201 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,474 Dialing for pizza. 202 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:01,726 -(grunts) -Ow! 203 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,481 Somewhere, another mustache is in tremendous pain. 204 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,900 It must be precocious puberty. 205 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:14,447 It's a thing. I just read about it in Thing Magazine. 206 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:17,867 Homer, I'll fix Lisa up, and you teach Bart to shave. 207 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:22,747 You got it. But there will be blood. 208 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:27,084 And there, there, and there. 209 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:31,756 The cream looks delicious, but don't eat too much. 210 00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,799 And there. See how it's done, boy? 211 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,761 Dad, aren't you supposed to take the little plastic thing off the blade? 212 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,138 Really? I always wondered about that. 213 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:41,974 Hmm. 214 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,684 (humming) 215 00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:47,396 (gasps) Well, hello, Billy Zane. 216 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,856 (purrs) 217 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,567 Sweetie, every kid goes through this. 218 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,527 That's why proms are dark. 219 00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:58,240 Just stick some carrots in there three times a day. 220 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:04,914 So we won't see your sweet little face for ten more years? 221 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,918 (crying) Mom, the inside of this hoodie 222 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,045 is covered in tears. 223 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,923 Let me try some makeup. 224 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,424 (whimpering) 225 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,718 -Cruelty-free? -Oh, yes. 226 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,845 I'll be very gentle. 227 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,847 Marge? Marge, you got to see this! 228 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,599 Oh, what is it? 229 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,600 D'oh! 230 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,775 I actually have two different PTSDs. 231 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,652 The kind we combat veterans know. 232 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,446 And also parent-teacher-student dilemmas. 233 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,449 No! 234 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,785 (squeaking, grunts) 235 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,370 (gasps) Bart! 236 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,996 Do not worry. 237 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,499 I am certified as a paramedic. 238 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,423 Oh! Teacher, could you kiss my owie? 239 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:58,676 Boy owies can only be kissed by Willie. 240 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,052 (panting) 241 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,555 -Where's the owie? -I'm fine. I'm fine. 242 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,058 Whoa, Lisa, you look great! 243 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,102 Beautiful and mature. 244 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,229 Like a sideline reporter. 245 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,022 Oh. R-Really? 246 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,316 Didn't know you were so cool. 247 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:18,154 Well, um, uh, well, duh. 248 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:21,323 LISA: Oh, my God, I'm popular! 249 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,576 Hope this doesn't go to my head. 250 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,995 It went right to my head! Aah! 251 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,830 So when you're done with this page, 252 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,249 you will learn how tectonic plates 253 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:34,587 rub against each other till something gives deep down. 254 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,089 -(laughs) -You do not have to tutor this boy 255 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,508 under the new One Child Left Behind law. 256 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,262 But he needs help, and he's not going to be a child much longer. 257 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:45,264 He's got a mustache coming in. 258 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,932 Yeah, so beat it, bald lip. 259 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,437 -(cell phone chimes) -Oh, my God! 260 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,565 I just got invited to my first third-grade party! 261 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,525 Are the parents gonna be home? 262 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,527 -Yes. -(scoffs) Lame. 263 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,571 Guys, I need to sharpen my mustaches. 264 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:01,906 Which is better-- 265 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,699 A or B? 266 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,576 A... or B? 267 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,077 A or B? 268 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,914 -A... or B? -B. 269 00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,165 -A. -N. 270 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:15,294 Ugh! I'm tired of my son having a mustache like a pool boy. 271 00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:19,381 Hey, those pool boys pull in some sweet jingle. 272 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,467 Plus, they get to work in flip-flops. 273 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,803 Homie, it's time we figured this out. 274 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,846 Maybe milk will help us think. 275 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,598 How would milk do that? 276 00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,683 It's from cows who are smart enough 277 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,602 not to get turned into hamburger. 278 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,229 Hmm. 279 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,605 Oh. 280 00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,107 I never looked closely at this milk before. 281 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,026 Is it made by a soda company? 282 00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:40,986 They don't just make soda, Marge. 283 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,780 They also make industrial foam. 284 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,116 (belches loudly) 285 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,035 Homer, it's the milk! 286 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,870 -Oh. -Hey. 287 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,248 I'll call the help hotline on the carton. 288 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,000 (touch tones sounding) 289 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,836 (phone ringing) 290 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,838 Talk to me. 291 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,506 Yes, I need a milk refund. 292 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:03,133 Right. Um, address, please? 293 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,261 Wait, wait. Hold on. 294 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:09,056 742 Nevergreen... 295 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,016 Oh, Evergreen Terrace. 296 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,519 Sorry. Our system's a little slow. 297 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,271 (indistinct chatter) 298 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,189 (whistling) 299 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,818 -Aw! -(both moaning) 300 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,448 Ew! I mean, cool! 301 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,285 I just turned a big corner, Bart. 302 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,666 (humming) 303 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,626 (laughing) Oh, Simpson, 304 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,712 I called you here to gloat. 305 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,631 (scoffs) Yeah, yeah, I know about you and Berrera. 306 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,884 You know about me and Carol? 307 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,927 (gasps) You know her name? 308 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,054 Oh, first and middle, and I know more. 309 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,974 Her favorite salad bar item is little shredded cheese. 310 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,517 (scoffs) Everyone likes that. 311 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,269 Oh, I know a lot more than that. 312 00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:57,479 She's never seen an episode of Friends. 313 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,648 -Not even "The One With..." -No, not one. 314 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,318 And she has a cat with different color eyes. 315 00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:04,612 His name is Bowie. 316 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,614 No! 317 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,325 Face it, Simpson, you can't compete with me. 318 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,035 I can rent a car. 319 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,039 How can I derail his happiness? 320 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,875 I got a delivery of live class pets here. 321 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,919 Interesting. Excuse me. 322 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,795 -I have one question. -Yes. 323 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:26,133 When you're in the shower, do you shampoo your mustache? 324 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,344 Of course. It's a must-stache, 325 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,554 not an if-you-feel-like-it-stache. 326 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,057 All right, have a good day. Dickory doo. 327 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:36,226 (both moaning) 328 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,103 I brought you some candy, Carol. 329 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,356 Not from CVS, not from Walgreens. 330 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,024 From the airport. 331 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,609 And I wasn't even going anywhere. 332 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:45,444 -Oh! -Ah. 333 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,696 Your candy's filled with chupacabras. 334 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,783 We've been pranked or possibly punked. 335 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,826 I know who your prankster is. 336 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,495 The Simpson lad. 337 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,413 Were you watching us make out? 338 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,957 I was watching you try. 339 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,003 Mom, could you please, please, 340 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,173 please stay within the lip liner? 341 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,842 A week ago, you'd never even worn makeup. 342 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,303 Now you're an expert like Ace Frehley. 343 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,721 (groans) 344 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,438 Sherri. Terri. (laughs) 345 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:25,317 I usually don't see double until an hour into the party. (giggles) 346 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,236 (thunder rumbling) 347 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,447 LISA: It's going to rain, and rain washes off makeup, 348 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,658 and then they will see me as I truly am-- 349 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,535 imperfect, blemished, 350 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,745 a social mess in a lampshade dress. 351 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,622 (thunderclaps) 352 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,249 Okay, all right. 353 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,917 Lisa, you were never popular, 354 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,003 so you're playing with the house's money. 355 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,255 Attention, party! 356 00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,924 I'm not like you. 357 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,928 What I'm saying is, I gave my Christmas money to NPR. 358 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,472 I have a chemistry set... that I've used! 359 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:56,765 MAN: Is there a point to this? 360 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,600 And beneath all this makeup, 361 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,103 I have... problem skin. 362 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,188 KIDS: Ew! 363 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,695 What are you talking about? Your skin is fine. 364 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,364 Really? The bad milk wore off. 365 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,533 So, uh, admitting you're not cool 366 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,536 is probably the coolest thing you can do, right? (laughs) 367 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,121 (kids murmuring) 368 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,498 I will see myself out. 369 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:24,209 (groans) 370 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,796 You look ba-lonely. 371 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,381 I feel ba-lonely. 372 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,675 -You want to be friends? -I do. 373 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,719 Um, how clean is that hand? 374 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,512 Mmm... mah! 375 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,972 Cleaner now. 376 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,307 Okay. 377 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,601 A fish says, "Moo!" 378 00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,728 (quietly) This isn't gonna last long. 379 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,688 I still take baths in the sink. 380 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,024 Okay, it's over. Sorry, Ralph. 381 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,778 I'll be eating crayons for one. 382 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,868 Oh, the plan is perfect! 383 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,745 I just have to get Skinner to hold still 384 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,789 while I slip a firecracker in his butt. 385 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,332 LISA: Come on, give it up. 386 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,751 Bart, I realized what's been going on. 387 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,670 We've been operating under the influence of hormones. 388 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,131 Hormones? Sounds far-fetched. 389 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,674 (in deep voice) Very far-fetched. 390 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,344 Well, it's true, so give Skinner a shot. 391 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,387 Everyone deserves happiness. 392 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,473 Even wieners. 393 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,563 Hey, Dad, how much does the Mustache Fairy pay? 394 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,649 Hmm, three bucks. 395 00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:36,740 When you asked me to go skating, I really thought you knew how. 396 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:41,453 Uh, I thought I could learn by watching YouTubes this morning. 397 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,372 All right, Simpson, I'm here. 398 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,916 Do what you do best-- your worst. 399 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:47,876 Look, Seymour, I'm not gonna do a thing. 400 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,212 Carol, he's all yours. 401 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,548 Wow. The first war I've won. 402 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,758 Uh, Carol, all that's left is for you to meet my mother, 403 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:57,136 and, uh, up she skates now. 404 00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,638 My son, I just want to say, 405 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,807 I wish the four of you the best. 406 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,183 Four of us? 407 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,726 You, her, 408 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,479 your model planes and nudie books. 409 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,106 Sorry, Seymour. 410 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:12,109 Now I can't look at you without picturing it. 411 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,944 Oh, my room's not that bad. 412 00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:15,946 I'm talking about your mother. 413 00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:19,158 (cackling) 414 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,952 Hey, listen, want to roast marshmallows? 415 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:24,413 -I'd like that. -Great, man, great. 416 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,707 You're buying. 417 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,042 (saxophone playing) 418 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,879 Thank you, Simpson. 419 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,547 That does feel better. 420 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,091 Fire looks like it's dying down. 421 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,220 BART: Thanks, man. 422 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,431 Well, I guess a lot of women leave their men 423 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,183 to go back and serve in Afghanistan. 424 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,768 No one drives 'em away like you, Seymour. 425 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,025 {\an8}(saxophone playing) 426 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,363 Well, no more makeup for me. Ever! 427 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,366 What about when you're blowing your stupid horn at Carnegie Hall? 428 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,912 (gasps) If you say it out loud, it won't come true! 429 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,872 Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall. 430 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,082 (both grunting) 431 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,379 Looks like someone's still drinking the milk. 432 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,632 (both grunting) 433 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,259 {\an8}(saxophone playing) 434 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,556 {\an8}(jazz playing) 435 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,137 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 436 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935 Subtitled by Jimmy Boots