1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,630 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:07,048 (gasps) 3 00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:10,135 ("Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing) 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,763 Isn't he magnificent? 5 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,140 I guess. 6 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,975 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Tired of the same old monuments? 7 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,643 {\an8}BOTH: You bet we are! 8 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:26,151 (announcer narrating) 9 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:27,986 Come to Springfield. 10 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,157 {\an8}We have more handicapped parking spots 11 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,577 {\an8}for fat guys than any non-Chicago city, 12 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,246 {\an8}and at this year's Founder's Day Parade 13 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,082 {\an8}we will unveil our new state-of-the-art statue 14 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,168 {\an8}of Jebediah Springfield. 15 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:44,419 {\an8}(fanfare plays) 16 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,880 {\an8}(robotic whirring) 17 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,595 {\an8}I founded Springfield in 1796... 18 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:54,971 {\an8}-(giggles) -...Billy. 19 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,016 {\an8}Wow, he's so interactive. 20 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,769 {\an8}Here's a coupon for one cheese pizza at 21 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:03,271 {\an8}(imitating Luigi) Luigi's on-a Main-a Street. 22 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:08,443 {\an8}(announcer narrating) 23 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,236 {\an8}BOTH: Can we see the statue? 24 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,738 {\an8}Please, Dad. Can we? 25 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,156 {\an8}Can we? Can we? 26 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,824 {\an8}It's not gonna be as good as you think. 27 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,076 {\an8}Nothing ever is. 28 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,452 {\an8}But it gets us out of the house. 29 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:19,079 {\an8}ALL: Can we? Can we? Can we? 30 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:21,331 {\an8}Oh, wait, I'm me. Sure! 31 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,750 (marching band playing "Stars and Stripes Forever") 32 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,004 {\an8}This is my favorite part of the parade, 33 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,007 {\an8}coming to the Kwik-E-Mart to laugh at the losers 34 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,968 {\an8}who forgot to bring parade supplies! 35 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,179 {\an8}Which reminds me, we need parade supplies. 36 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,430 {\an8}Parade jerky. 37 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,932 {\an8}Get your parade jerky. 38 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,433 {\an8}Beef, turkey or pork. 39 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,103 {\an8}It all tastes like a delicious shoe tongue. 40 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,896 {\an8}Ah, one tube of sunblock. 41 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,564 {\an8}That will be $30. 42 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,900 {\an8}Once again, keeping the bald man down. 43 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,569 {\an8}I do have a Philadelphia 76ers hat 44 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,071 {\an8}that you could wear for free. 45 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:54,739 {\an8}I'll pay! I'll pay! 46 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:57,742 {\an8}Leading the parade is the new Jebediah Springfield statue 47 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,079 {\an8}that local wags have already dubbed "Quimby's Folly." 48 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,747 {\an8}(squeaking) 49 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,333 {\an8}(Quimby's voice) Er, uh, I am Jebediah Springfield, 50 00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,919 {\an8}brought to you by Springfield Auto Lube. 51 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:11,673 {\an8}Chuck, Ernie, and Arturo are there for you. 52 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,466 {\an8}(crowd booing) 53 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,427 {\an8}This ad was a bad call, man. 54 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,763 {\an8}KENT: And now, here comes our brand-new SWAT tank. 55 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,683 {\an8}NEWSWOMAN: This expensive urban pacification vehicle 56 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,643 {\an8}was funded by Homeland Security. 57 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:27,730 {\an8}Gaze in wonder at America's debt! 58 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,942 {\an8}We love you, Officer Puff 'n' Stuff. 59 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,402 {\an8}(laughing) Ah! 60 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,445 {\an8}Thank you! 61 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,406 {\an8}And now Springfield's true heroes, 62 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,658 {\an8}our volunteer fire department. 63 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,243 {\an8}-Wait, what? -(siren wailing) 64 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,578 {\an8}(horn honking) 65 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:42,745 {\an8}Hey! Hey! 66 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,789 {\an8}This is the one good thing I do. 67 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,082 {\an8}(Krusty laughs) 68 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,375 {\an8}♪ ♪ 69 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:50,753 {\an8}♪ You're simply the best... ♪ 70 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,338 {\an8}CROWD: Ooh, ooh! 71 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,756 {\an8}Lousy chili cookers! 72 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,425 {\an8}Grabbing all our glory! 73 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,593 {\an8}All right, calm down, Chief. 74 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,803 {\an8}I heard a couple of "oohs" but that's it. 75 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,681 {\an8}ALL: Ah! Ah! 76 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:05,018 {\an8}Ahs?! Oh, that's grand theft thunder. 77 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:09,439 {\an8}Hey, cops, does SWAT stand for short, wide and tubby? 78 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,025 {\an8}I'm not sure, but I doubt it. 79 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,484 Hmm! (chuckling) 80 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,362 (Homer gasps) 81 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,449 (sputtering) 82 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,785 All right, you pole-sliders asked for it. 83 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,330 (Bart laughs) 84 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,414 (grunts) 85 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,751 Chief, what are you doing? 86 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,169 I'm gonna hit 'em so hard 87 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:34,172 their Dalmatian loses its spots, ha! 88 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,257 Uh, they're-they're coming at us! 89 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,967 Release our fiercest weapon-- 90 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,802 foam. 91 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,599 (band members screaming) 92 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:45,808 Who wants juice? 93 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,644 Who needs juice? 94 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:48,937 (panting) Nobody! 95 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,730 I-I can't control this thing. 96 00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:51,981 Let me drive. 97 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,608 Okay, okay, I'm stuck in a hole. 98 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,318 Oh, we're headed for the Kwik-E-Mart. 99 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,028 Someone call the police! 100 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,780 Before I die, I would like to know 101 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,949 just what is in these nudie magazines. 102 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,326 What is it, brother? 103 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,161 An interview with Jim Gaffigan. 104 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,704 (tires screeching) 105 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,625 We are still alive. 106 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,627 Oh, there is a gods! 107 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,798 I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. 108 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:18,091 You can't prove anything. 109 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,926 You did do it, I saw you do it, 110 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,803 and here's proof. 111 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,137 {\an8}HOMER: Aha! 112 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,305 Ay, caramba! 113 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,598 What are you gonna do, man? 114 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,849 You know what I'm gonna do? 115 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,184 I'm gonna turn this in. 116 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,978 You can rot in jail. 117 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,730 The only time you'll come out is to see the dentist. 118 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,399 No, you can't be serious. 119 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,401 You know the kind of things they'll do to me at the dentist? 120 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,403 Well, there's only one other way. 121 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:42,740 You have to promise never to prank again. 122 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,908 Come on, man. 123 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,576 If I don't do these pranks soon, 124 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,161 when I'm older, they'll be crimes. 125 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,413 Promise me! 126 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,831 I promise. 127 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,165 Say it like you mean it. 128 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,667 I promise. 129 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:55,295 Now say it like you're talking to a dying soldier 130 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,380 who was with you all the way from D-Day, 131 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,257 and you gotta take his Saint Christopher medal 132 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,425 back to his mother. 133 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,509 Take me there. 134 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,094 I promise! 135 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,722 Whoa, calm down, Pacino. 136 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:10,643 {\an8}Oh, Apu, it's good to see you doing so well. 137 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,186 I know you can't turn your head, 138 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,230 but you've got a great view. 139 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,315 Oh! 140 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,232 Are you okay? 141 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,401 Marge, he's got nine lives. 142 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,320 I am a Hindu, sir, not a cat. 143 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,612 I have infinite lives 144 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,823 during some of which I may be a cat. 145 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,241 In those I do have nine. 146 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,369 Apu, face it. Our store is ruined. 147 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,079 This is painful, but I no longer want 148 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,914 the customers to "Come again." 149 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,249 I want to work somewhere else. 150 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,667 I see. Nurse! 151 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,086 Transfer this man to the mental ward. 152 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,713 Okay. 153 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:41,257 Listen to me, when I was hit with the sign, that was a sign. 154 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,425 I'm through. 155 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,260 How can you abandon me, brother? 156 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,471 Well, the way we abandoned our other brother. 157 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:47,638 What other brother? 158 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,474 All I remember on that boat was you, 159 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,809 the tiger, and the wise, old fox. 160 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,519 The... Oh, my God! 161 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,646 The fox was actually Tikku. 162 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:58,900 Oh, sweet, little Tikku, I blocked out the memory. 163 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,860 Oh, no! 164 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:03,196 (crying) Tikku! 165 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,074 Yes, well, I have given my share of the store to my son, Jamshed. 166 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,451 He will rebuild while you recuperate. 167 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,328 Little Jamshed. 168 00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:12,330 Oh, how he's grown. 169 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:15,917 Indeed, first in his class with a business degree from Wharton, 170 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,211 and he is ready to take my place de-gunking the cheese warmer. 171 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,670 All right, my brother. 172 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,089 I will especially miss 173 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,174 looking into your tired, sunken eyes 174 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,843 -during our wordless shift changes. -Hm. 175 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,595 Remember when we used to nod? 176 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,931 (crying) I do, I do. 177 00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:32,100 It is down to just you and me now, store. 178 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,976 Together, nothing can stop us. 179 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,437 Unless they put another store within three blocks, 180 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,439 which I hear they plan to do. 181 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:43,111 {\an8}And now to lower this photo to see what is really there. 182 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,071 (gasps) 183 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:48,324 There, we gave him one last look at it. 184 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,659 Roll away the photo. 185 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:50,785 (wheels squeaking) 186 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,078 APU: Quick & Fresh? 187 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,830 Who spells "quick" with a "Q"? 188 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,748 Hey, Uncle Apu. 189 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,083 Jamshed? 190 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,001 Come on, man, Jamshed died at band camp. 191 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,169 I'm Jay now. 192 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,337 Yup. Check it. 193 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,839 I just bitch-slapped your Kwik-E-Mart 194 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,842 into the 21st century. 195 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,135 An upgrade? 196 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,053 No! 197 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:14,767 I will just live in the happy past one moment longer. 198 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,352 Ah! 199 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,398 Disco Stu is in denial with you. 200 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,405 -(sighs) -Check it out, Uncle A. 201 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,865 I made this place healthy. 202 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:29,907 I added softer lighting. 203 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,160 We're even getting a better class of robber. 204 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,245 I'm afraid I must relieve you of your spare cash 205 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,664 and a nice bottle of gin. 206 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:39,750 Ah, Mrs. Peel, shall we? 207 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,086 Okay, those guys are cool, 208 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,756 but still, Jamshed-- I-I'm-I'm sorry, Jay-- 209 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,258 I know my customers. 210 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,093 All they want is something they can eat while driving. 211 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,012 I'd like a heat lamp dog, please. 212 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:53,556 Somewhere between two and six blisters. 213 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,600 I'm sorry, we don't serve those anymore. 214 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,643 They're a heart attack shaped like a penis. 215 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,103 Why, you, millennial... 216 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,480 Easy, brah. 217 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,482 Check out our olive bar. 218 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,818 Mmm! 219 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,904 Ha, see, he doesn't care what he eats. 220 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,239 He just eats things in that location. 221 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,992 Hey, quit talking like I can't hear. 222 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:13,910 This is my store. 223 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,077 Mine and Sanjay's. 224 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,497 My father's enjoying his retirement. 225 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,417 {\an8}Bubba Watson! 226 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,086 {\an8}You are no Vijay Singh. 227 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,923 Don't forget, my dad owned more of this place than you did. 228 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,592 Oh, you, I can't... I... (sighs) 229 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:33,095 Okay, can we move this discussion into the restroom? 230 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,348 (gasps) You have a restroom? 231 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:36,307 -No. -No. 232 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:39,310 I saw the whole jam from my seat 233 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,646 on top of the ATM machine. 234 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,608 You know what, I'm not gonna scratch this last one. 235 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,611 A smart man knows when to walk away. 236 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,112 Aah! 237 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,365 (haunting ethereal music) 238 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:56,410 APU: One paid-for ticket and all the rest were losers. 239 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:59,747 {\an8}They say don't scrape where you eat, but... 240 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,166 JAY: That ticket won the biggest scratcher payoff 241 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,793 in Kwik-E-Mart history. 242 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,337 $25. 243 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,255 Wow... 244 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,173 Whoop, (laughs) don't mind me. 245 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,928 {\an8}JAY: But that was the last winner he saw. 246 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,847 {\an8}He scratched and scratched, using... 247 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,934 -...this. -Is that the same dime? 248 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:23,104 It started as a quarter. 249 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,481 {\an8}JAY: He was hospitalized briefly with scratcher's lung. 250 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,066 {\an8}(coughs) 251 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,943 {\an8}Each time, he paid my dad back 252 00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,612 {\an8}with another piece of the store. 253 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,990 ♪ ♪ 254 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,993 So, Sanjay-- and now I-- own 80% 255 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,788 of the Quick & Ficky-Fresh and rising... 256 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:43,124 Come on, Big Bang Theory scratcher. 257 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,834 Bring me back to break even. 258 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,253 Sheldon, Sheldon... 259 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,921 Oh! Wolowitz. 260 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,674 Always Wolowitz. 261 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:56,345 Bart, Chalmers is sunbathing nude under a beehive. 262 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,764 Sorry, man, I'm retired. 263 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,892 Now to present my manhood to the sun. 264 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,311 There he is. 265 00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:06,814 No more pranking. 266 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,734 -But... -Do you know how much imagination 267 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,361 it costs to appear in a thought bubble? 268 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,238 Sorry, Milhouse, can't. 269 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,657 And you know what? A little part of me is glad 270 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,160 that Chalmers' crotch isn't covered in bees. 271 00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,244 Really? 272 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:23,331 Let's put this good Bart to the test. 273 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,249 Thank God, the Department of Homeland Security 274 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,252 financed this cherry picker to detangle the flag. 275 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,170 Extend, extend. 276 00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,088 (humming) 277 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,924 All this extending is making me thirsty. 278 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,764 Just smash the window, 279 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,557 unlatch the brake, 280 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,769 and Skinner plummets to his hilarious doom. 281 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:50,274 Now he's safer than ever. 282 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,194 Yup, you're officially Springfield's bad boy now. 283 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,948 And I am up to the task. 284 00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,367 (groans) 285 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,412 Dad, we're taking Apu out to cheer him up. 286 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,706 This time, please watch the kids. 287 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,125 How about you pay me like a real sitter? 288 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:09,585 (laughs) 289 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,713 Another one of your nonsensical, rambling stories. 290 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,799 I'd like to get paid. 291 00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,634 In corn cob pipes, right? 292 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:20,262 Because in 19 jiggity 7, you and... 293 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,597 Just get going. 294 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,766 Dad, check out this "A" I got in citizenship. 295 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,142 Sorry, boy, late for dinner. 296 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,811 (moans sadly) 297 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,021 I know exactly how you feel, Bart. 298 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:32,066 This family isn't the greatest at recognizing achievement. 299 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,069 Wow, now I understand why you're so mad all the time. 300 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,070 I really do. 301 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:38,155 Aw, thank you, Bart. 302 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,241 Hey, you want to go move our mouths without speaking 303 00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,826 to drive Grampa nuts? 304 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,244 I'd like that. 305 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,415 What the...? Speak up. 306 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,126 Oh, I guess I'll just have to turn my hearing aid 307 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,252 up to the max. 308 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:52,753 (both yell) 309 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,797 (yells) 310 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,465 (both laugh) 311 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,303 Another... Hey! Another Chianti, please. 312 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,681 Uh, maybe you should slow down a little. 313 00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,933 Oh, yes, because it will take all of my faculties 314 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:09,353 tomorrow to affix my name tag right side up. 315 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,564 Mm-hmm! 316 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,399 Ooh, there he is. 317 00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,943 The so-called marketing genius 318 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,821 who increased revenue over 500%. 319 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:20,406 Please, don't make a scene. 320 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,324 But if you do, bring back bread. 321 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,161 Oh, hey, Uncle. 322 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,580 Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends? 323 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,498 What are you, embarrassed by me? 324 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,417 Um, well, yes, a little. 325 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,585 You are ashamed of me? 326 00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:35,004 Me, who has been as loyal to you 327 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,673 as Gunga Din to Sergeant Archibald Cutter? 328 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,592 That's exactly what I'm talking about. 329 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,260 You're my uncle, bruh, and I love you, 330 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:43,262 but you're a stereotype, man. 331 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,930 (imitating Apu) Take a penny, leave a penny. 332 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,640 I'm Indian. I do yoga. 333 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,852 Why don't you go back to the Temple of Doom, Dr. Jones? 334 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,979 Temple of Doom... Three months I worked on that, 335 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:54,899 and all you can see is my hand in one shot. 336 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,485 Big whoop. Thank you very much, Mr. Spielberg. 337 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,904 And-and I say that you are a stereotype. 338 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,990 All you do is spout stupid, hipster buzzwords. 339 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,159 Swipe left on that accusation. 340 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,786 Epic swipe left. 341 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:10,498 Well, my dear nephew, this stereotype will no longer 342 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,834 be a troublesome potato in your chicken vindaloo. 343 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,586 Good luck to you. 344 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:16,921 Stereotype-a? 345 00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:18,589 Who's a stereotype-a? 346 00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,758 That's a spicy accusation. 347 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,219 -You pipe-a down. -(whimpers) 348 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,266 Hello? Hello, anyone here? 349 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,727 Hey, brah, come in and chillax. 350 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,270 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 351 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,273 uh, I came in for the new issue of Toes and Torsos, 352 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,399 but, uh, that can wait. 353 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,193 What's going on here, my friend? 354 00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,737 Oh, I lost my store and my identity, 355 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,906 and all I have left is my vest here. 356 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:47,743 330 million gods, and not one of them listens to me. 357 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,869 What are you doing? 358 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,287 I leave for one second, 359 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,373 and you're talking like a Mumbai riverboat pilot. 360 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,583 Bombay! To me it will always be Bombay! 361 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,751 Not cool, man. 362 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,919 Give me your vest. 363 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,712 No, please, you can't take it. 364 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,590 This vest has a bullet hole for every time I have been shot. 365 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,925 It is my lucky vest. 366 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:07,137 I love you, man, but you're fired. "Fo-evah." 367 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,057 (grunts) Amateur. 368 00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,726 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Apu, you need a visit to Moe's Tavern, 369 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,728 your downward spiral headquarters. 370 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,523 Hey, we're on the cover of this month's Giving Up Magazine. 371 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:18,816 (laughs) Check it out, 372 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,901 that was the last issue ever. 373 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,278 Hey, guys, this is too sad. 374 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,613 We-We gotta help Apu get his store back. 375 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,115 Yeah, okay, let's see, uh, 376 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,409 -Homer, your boy's no good, right? -Not much. 377 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:31,161 Well, why don't you ask him to pull a prank to help Apu 378 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:34,373 turn his nice, new store here back into a rat hole? 379 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,417 Well, I kinda straightened him out. 380 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,128 I was hoping he'd stay that way till the Marines take him. 381 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,838 You can't think of yourself, Homer. 382 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,090 Apu's always been there for us. 383 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:45,968 Yeah, except for that hurricane when he jacked up the prices. 384 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,636 Okay, so I got a little gouge-y, 385 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,222 but I-I don't hold the looting against you guys. 386 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,057 (scoffs) Some looting. 387 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:55,394 I got there late, and all that was left was a bag of ice, 388 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,813 and they played the clip on CNN for a week. 389 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,440 But I am one of you now. 390 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,150 I sponsor your Little League teams, 391 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,776 and I sell you Christmas gifts 392 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,820 at 9:00 a.m. on Christmas morning. 393 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,655 Yeah, that Hello Kitty cell phone cover 394 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,449 really saved my ass with Marge, 395 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,826 and when I think of it, what do we have children for 396 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,954 if not to sacrifice them for our needs? 397 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:14,955 ALL: Hear, hear. 398 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,457 Hear, hear. 399 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:19,293 Oh, gee, I guess you guys 400 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:22,129 are gonna have to buy more beers. 401 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,757 {\an8}(snickers) 402 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,926 HOMER: (drunkenly) Ba-Bart? 403 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:27,927 Bart... 404 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,595 Ba-Bart... 405 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,722 Oh, leave me alone. 406 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,558 Listen, boy, I need you to do a prank for Apu. 407 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:35,976 I don't get it, man. 408 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,895 You told me to stop pranking, and I did. 409 00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:39,021 And you know what? 410 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,648 I don't miss it. 411 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,484 Without you strangling me, my throat is finally healing. 412 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:44,735 I can sing again. 413 00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,320 (clears throat) 414 00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:50,157 ♪ Praise God from whom all blessings flow ♪ 415 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,533 ♪ Praise him ♪ 416 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,578 ♪ All creatures here below... ♪ 417 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,996 You know what, you're right. 418 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,997 What was I thinking? 419 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,582 Go back to sleep. 420 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,043 -Dad. -Yes? 421 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:04,338 Say someone were to do this prank, 422 00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:07,424 would the prankster receive a later bedtime? 423 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,718 Say, 9:30? 424 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,721 No, no, you know something, boy, I realized I made a big mistake. 425 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,390 I like the new, well-behaved you. 426 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,892 I can stop saving up for that house near the prison. 427 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,311 ("Music for the Funeral of Queen Mary" by Wendy Carlos playing) 428 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,697 Oh, I never should have bought that Clockwork Orange video 429 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,281 for his fifth birthday. 430 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,242 I thought it would help him tell time, 431 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,411 and now I've awoken a monster. 432 00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,413 LISA: You awoke me, too. 433 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,581 I thought you were sleeping over at Rachel's. 434 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:42,418 Rachel was my imaginary friend when I was three. 435 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,087 Then when she was five, she moved to White Plains, New York. 436 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,797 HOMER: What? I never said good-bye. 437 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,090 Well, they wanted to leave quickly. 438 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,758 Her dad had been caught in an affair. 439 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,802 Her brother took a semester off college, 440 00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:53,512 and he never went back. 441 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,888 And her mother? 442 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,265 LISA: Her mother's the really sad story. 443 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,767 Oh, I've-I've heard enough. 444 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:05,107 My return to prankdom is elegant in its simplicity. 445 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,610 All we do is cut the power in the store for 30 seconds. 446 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:09,987 There's no preservatives in the food, 447 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,072 so everything will immediately go bad. 448 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,993 Oh, it's an honor to be the guy you explain it to. 449 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,995 (panting) Bart, wait! 450 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,581 I like the new you. 451 00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,459 Listen, before you flip those circuit breakers, 452 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:27,963 look deep in your sister's eyes and tell me what you see. 453 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,467 I see... love. 454 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,635 Unconditional love. 455 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:37,056 Which means I can do whatever I want. 456 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,140 D'oh! 457 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,808 -(power whirrs down) -(shoppers murmur) 458 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,479 (flies buzzing) 459 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,481 (shoppers gasping, groaning) 460 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,818 Aah! Save us, chemicals! 461 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,237 (sighs) At least the mushrooms are okay. 462 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,074 That is a wheel of brie! 463 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,075 (gasps) 464 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,910 (screams) 465 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,120 Come on, this is the cleanest place in town, 466 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,497 and you know it. 467 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,750 Another failed millennial. 468 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,419 Who is a cliché now? 469 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,089 Now to remove all signs of our presence. 470 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,257 (rattling) 471 00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:17,346 (siren wails, tires screech) 472 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,642 Ah! We must have used it up during the parade. 473 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,019 Mm, it was a great parade. 474 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,562 KRUSTY: Aw, let's get out of here! 475 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,399 ♪ You're simply the best... ♪ 476 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,276 ♪ ♪ 477 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,361 ♪ Better-- ♪ 478 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,907 I am sorry, nephew. 479 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:40,577 I was jealous, and karma has exacted a terrible price. 480 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,413 Word. And I was kind of a douche wheel. 481 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,833 You know, even your way of apologizing offends me. 482 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,209 What is this? 483 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,794 (haunting ethereal music) 484 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,839 My ruin and my redemption. 485 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,590 My last two dollars. 486 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,801 I have nothing to scratch it with. 487 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,054 Use me, Apu. 488 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,806 Make my life worth something. 489 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,227 No, Uncle A, it's a clown move, bruh. 490 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:09,231 Or maybe, just maybe, a genius clown move. 491 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,399 Ah! 492 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,733 Sheldon, 493 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,402 Sheldon... 494 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:14,736 (metal scraping) 495 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,240 Three Sheldons! 496 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,451 It is a winner, and it is so much money, 497 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,620 which means so many more tickets. 498 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,622 Precious, precious tickets. 499 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,583 I... No, no, it's money. 500 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,001 (kisses) 501 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,170 (tires screech) 502 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,254 (doorbell dings) 503 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,256 Oh, it is so good to see you. 504 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,091 I have my store back, my friend. 505 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,427 But I have something that I wanted even more, you know, 506 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,429 a feeling that I belong. 507 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,932 I'm glad I could help by giving my son a little nudge 508 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,767 in the wrong direction. 509 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,229 And now, I have something very, very special for you, my friend. 510 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:53,025 This is the legendary, jumbo, golden Squishee cup. 511 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:54,568 It will be refilled by me, 512 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,904 for free, for the rest of your life. 513 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,656 Holy moly, all those Squishees? 514 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,533 How much is that gonna cost you? 515 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,327 Uh, about three bucks. 516 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,370 (glass shattering) 517 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,582 (chuckles) This time it's 'cause I let Ralph drive. 518 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,292 I thought it was pretend. 519 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,257 Let it never be said I cannot admit a mistake, 520 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:20,219 especially in the middle of a recall campaign. 521 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,764 We will now destroy the new Jebediah Springfield statue. 522 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,766 Chief, you may fire when ready. 523 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,601 (shell ricochets, whistling) 524 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,647 Damn it! 525 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,819 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 526 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,992 Subtitled by Jimmy Boots