1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,214
{\an8}<i>-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>
-Whoo-hoo!

2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299
{\an8}(theme music playing)

3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,553
(exclaims)

4
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)

5
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)

6
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,401
D'oh!

7
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,737
-(tires screech)
-(grunts)

8
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,530
♪ ♪

9
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,950
Yech!

10
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,255
{\an8}-(somber music)
-(synchronized licking)

11
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,843
{\an8}(speaking Chinese)

12
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,433
BART: Yes! (chuckles)

13
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,143
{\an8}(humming happily)

14
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,606
{\an8}(chuckles) Oh, China,

15
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:07,067
{\an8}is there nothing
that can't be made in you?

16
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,110
{\an8}-(gentle wind chime)
<i>-(boy speaks Chinese)</i>

17
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,196
{\an8}Hmm.

18
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,034
{\an8}(humming happily)

19
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,620
{\an8}Ah, my first sucker. (chuckles)

20
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,455
{\an8}Oh, a dollar.

21
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,290
{\an8}Now I can have lunch.

22
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,959
{\an8}Hmm?

23
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,003
{\an8}It's a trick!

24
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,047
{\an8}I never needed these.

25
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,257
{\an8}(humming happily)

26
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,009
{\an8}(groans)

27
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,344
{\an8}Oh, lookie here,

28
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,222
{\an8}it's the ol' fishing line
on a dollar bill prank.

29
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,683
{\an8}Man, even a backwoods,
no account, inbred,

30
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:44,020
{\an8}lead-paint-eating, kerosene-huffing,

31
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,441
{\an8}roadkill-chomping...
Um, what was my point?

32
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,195
{\an8}That is a practical joke, Luann.

33
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,198
{\an8}Which is too bad,
because I desperately need that dollar.

34
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,867
{\an8}I could also use the fishing line
to get some dinner.

35
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,120
{\an8}Bart, if Milhouse is hiding with you,

36
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,288
{\an8}tell him he has to shop
for school clothes.

37
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,041
{\an8}Yay! School clothes.

38
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,878
{\an8}This isn't right.
No one's falling for my pranks.

39
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,630
{\an8}Huh!

40
00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:13,133
{\an8}At least it wasn't a total waste.
I found a quarter.

41
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,717
{\an8}(grunts with effort)

42
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,219
{\an8}(all laugh)

43
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,388
{\an8}Well, we sure got him good.

44
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,932
{\an8}Duh, what a moron, duh.

45
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,977
{\an8}I sure wish Archie was alive to see it.

46
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,400
{\an8}(engine starts)

47
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,068
{\an8}Duh...

48
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,987
{\an8}(groans)

49
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,447
{\an8}<i>ANNOUNCER (on TV): It's Thursday night,</i>
<i>and that can only mean,</i>

50
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,408
{\an8}<i>counter-intuitively, football!</i>

51
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,076
{\an8}<i>BRITISH ANNOUNCER:</i>
<i>From London's Wembley Stadium,</i>

52
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,912
{\an8}<i>the Jacksonville Jag-u-ars</i>
<i>and Tampa Bay "Bucs"</i>

53
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,789
{\an8}<i>vie for Florida bragging rights.</i>

54
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,917
{\an8}<i>Asterisk-- does not include Miami.</i>

55
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,043
(horns honking)

56
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,461
{\an8}<i>(to the tune of "Downtown")</i>
<i>♪ When you're not happy ♪</i>

57
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,630
{\an8}<i>♪ Watching your </i>Downton Abbey ♪

58
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,090
{\an8}<i>♪ You can always see ♪</i>

59
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,383
{\an8}Oh!

60
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:56,968
{\an8}<i>♪ Football ♪</i>

61
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:58,553
{\an8}<i>♪ Not British Football ♪</i>

62
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,555
{\an8}<i>♪ But American Football ♪</i>

63
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,683
{\an8}<i>♪ Which has higher scores ♪</i>

64
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,185
<i>♪ Touchdown ♪</i>

65
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,815
If these U.K. clichés are any indication,

66
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,151
we are in for one gobsmacking match.

67
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,946
To see or not to see.
That is no question.

68
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,115
Dad, I'm worried.

69
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,534
No one is falling for my pranks anymore.

70
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:25,496
Son, I know this seems like
the biggest disappointment of your life,

71
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:29,375
but trust me,
there are going to be so many more.

72
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,835
What you've got to remember is--

73
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,670
Oh, my God, 13 men in the field!

74
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,297
Review it, review it, review it.

75
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,049
Yes! Play stands!

76
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,258
(crowd cheering over TV)

77
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,594
MARGE:
Here comes the airplane! Zhoop!

78
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:44,224
Thanks to your late football-watching,
you missed breakfast.

79
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,726
Eh, don't worry, Marge,
I'll make my own.

80
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,729
Meh.

81
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,070
(bell dings)

82
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,245
Mom, I've been working on
a new solo jazz piece.

83
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,247
(groans) Can I hear it?

84
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,749
(playing jazzy tune)

85
00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:12,418
Oh, I'd love to stay and listen,
but I'm late for work.

86
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:18,299
Here's another super-fan
to hear you lay down your licks.

87
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,638
-(car door shuts)
-(tires screeching away)

88
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,182
{\an8}(solo ends)

89
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,725
(panting, chuckling)

90
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,352
<i>-Brava.</i>
-(giggles)

91
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,145
I knew you'd like it.

92
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,607
-(pacifiers pop)
-(groans)

93
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:38,403
<i>(thinking)</i>
<i>Hey, I am too young to be over the hill.</i>

94
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,155
{\an8}<i>Lucky for me,</i>
<i>there's a Ralph born every minute.</i>

95
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:45,326
-Hey, Ralph, how about a napkin?
-Do I look stupid?

96
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,287
(humming cheerfully)

97
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,540
Mmm! Wall licorice.

98
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,041
-(teeth chomp)
-(electricity crackles)

99
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,293
Aah!

100
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,878
-(tires screech)
-(Homer chuckles)

101
00:04:57,171 --> 00:05:00,341
Marge, nothing says "I'm sorry"
better than flowers.

102
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,510
Except for fundamental behavioral change,

103
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,387
but you can't buy that
at the supermarket.

104
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,347
(sniffs) They do smell nice.

105
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,182
Hey, Dad, want to hear my solo?

106
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,059
I added a few variations today.

107
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,728
Of course I would.

108
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,938
Okay. Aw, my reed is split.

109
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,565
I'll be right back.

110
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,443
I've already heard Lisa's song once.

111
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:21,571
I've had a long day,
and to be completely honest,

112
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,324
I really can't stand jazz.

113
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,703
(startled gasp)

114
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,248
What about when Lisa plays it?

115
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,834
All the same. Ugh.

116
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:39,088
-(note plays)
-MARGE: Sounds great, honey.

117
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,882
(sobs)

118
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,305
So, you really don't like jazz?
(chuckles)

119
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,849
I never realized
we have so much in common.

120
00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:51,100
And scat-singing.

121
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,520
She-bee-bee-dee-dee-diddly-bop-dee-do
I give a darn?

122
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,357
So, all these years,
you've been lying to me?

123
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,692
-(both gasp)
-Be-beep-ba-boop-boop.

124
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,444
So, let's get it all out here.

125
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,905
Mom, you were only pretending
to like it this morning

126
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:06,032
when I played <i>My Funny Valentine.</i>

127
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:09,118
That was <i>My Funny Valentine?</i>
Hoo-boy.

128
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,828
Wouldn't expect you to get it.

129
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,747
(sobbing)
So busy juggling three children,

130
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,875
you don't even notice
when one is hanging by a thread,

131
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:18,795
a thread you just cut forever!

132
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,755
Lisa, this a family.

133
00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:23,299
You do not take that tone
with another family member.

134
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,968
-You tell 'em, butterbean.
-Shut up, idiot.

135
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,678
Lisa, honey, you're hurt,

136
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,973
but hurting me back is not going to feel
as good as you think.

137
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:34,268
Just know that I am very, very sorry.

138
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,562
-Hmm!
-Hmph!

139
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,981
-Mm...
-Hmm...

140
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,858
-(high-pitched) Mm!
-Hmm!

141
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:44,404
-(groans playfully)
-Good night, Marjorie.

142
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,988
(gasps)

143
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,742
Marjorie.
She called me "Mar-jo-rie."

144
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,702
So? Bart calls me Homer.

145
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,871
You know that's out of disrespect.

146
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,164
Dis-respect?

147
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,833
-Is that a word?
-Yes.

148
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,043
And there's this guy at work
that calls me Hoss.

149
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,254
-What's that all about?
-This is awful.

150
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,923
Lisa and I have always been so close.

151
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,677
Now, for your first day at school,

152
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,304
you get what my mother gave me.

153
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,890
Pearls? Just like Mommy's.

154
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,064
Dad, is there anything you pass along?

155
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,442
Predilection for kidney stones.

156
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:27,697
What if Lisa doesn't want to be friends
with me anymore?

157
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,159
Marge, it's not your job
to be friends with your kids,

158
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,244
it's my job.
Good night, sweetie.

159
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,328
(sighs)

160
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:37,457
Oh, uh, Bart and I are gonna see
an R-rated movie Saturday.

161
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,001
It has boobs, but they're elf boobs.

162
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,462
-Is that cool?
-Hmm. I guess.

163
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:45,715
(Homer chuckles)

164
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,052
So long, whoopee cushion.

165
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,637
(fart noise)

166
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,556
(sad music playing)

167
00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,479
<i>Ah, good old peanut brittle.</i>

168
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,564
<i>What the-- A coiled wire spring</i>

169
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,941
<i>covered by a snake-patterned</i>
<i>vinyl sheath?</i>

170
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:08,571
(boinging, whirring, whistling)

171
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,156
(mooing)

172
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:18,456
Lisa, our weekend in Capital City
will make us friends again.

173
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,458
I don't see your saxophone.

174
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,210
That must be a relief to you.

175
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,378
Honey, I want you to bring it.

176
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,089
Sure, should I grab some
Kenny G CDs too?

177
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,758
Some Chuck Mangione?

178
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,301
That would be lovely!

179
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,137
Oh, I-I get it, they're popular,
so you don't like them.

180
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,723
Just please get your sax.

181
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,310
Airport shuttle?

182
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,647
Yes, I'm going on a trip
with a special little girl.

183
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,482
That baby is adorable.

184
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,526
Oh, it's not the baby.

185
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,403
Great, now I've got
both daughters mad at me.

186
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,697
May I say that you sound
like a terrible mother?

187
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,575
But no one ever cares
what the shuttle bus driver thinks.

188
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,953
"Take me to terminal four," they say.

189
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,871
Actually, we're at terminal three.

190
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,123
Arguing with everyone today, aren't you?

191
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,459
Okay, we'll see you on Monday, Homer.

192
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,924
I'm feeling really sad too, Dad.

193
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,301
Nothing cheers people up like a baby.

194
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,469
Hey!

195
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,763
Boy, we each have to do our part,
and I'm gonna make dinner.

196
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,474
-And I'm gonna start with...
-(gentle, happy melody playing)

197
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,976
Ice cream!

198
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,269
Come back!

199
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,062
Don't make me jog.

200
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:26,440
Why is your father chasing after
the spay and neuter van?

201
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,692
You got me.

202
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,569
What do I do with you?

203
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,781
(chuckles) Hey, this is fun.

204
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,037
(groans affectionately)

205
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,664
Wow. Wow!

206
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,207
I like having a sister.

207
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,293
Helps that you don't say anything.

208
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,336
♪ ♪

209
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,899
I wonder how you are at pranks.

210
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,572
BOTH:
We're not worthy. We're not worthy.

211
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:15,823
(scared noises)

212
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,325
I'm back!

213
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,659
Don't drop that angel.

214
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:22,622
Hi, folks, and welcome
to the Capital City Dream Tour.

215
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,333
If you're here for
the Capital City Crime Tour,

216
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,501
that leaves in 20 minutes.

217
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,672
Let's wave
to that ordinary hot dog vendor.

218
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,967
(hip-hop music playing)

219
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,970
Wow, he's anything but ordinary.

220
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,141
You know, I wouldn't be surprised

221
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:46,312
if he turned up one of Capital City's
Broadway-caliber shows.

222
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,357
(bright, brassy Broadway melody playing)

223
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,741
(sighs)

224
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,995
There's got to be something here
that'll calm down that little yellow pill.

225
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,998
{\an8}<i>♪ Here comes Paul to guard the mall ♪</i>

226
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:09,251
{\an8}<i>♪ But when will he fall in love? ♪</i>

227
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,880
{\an8}<i>♪ Hey, G.I. Jane ♪</i>

228
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,548
{\an8}<i>♪ Let's make it plain ♪</i>

229
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,635
{\an8}<i>♪ How do you train for love? ♪</i>

230
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,180
{\an8}<i>♪ Men in black ♪</i>

231
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,556
{\an8}<i>♪ We'll state a fact ♪</i>

232
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,268
{\an8}<i>♪ The thing that you lack is love ♪</i>

233
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,146
I always like when a black guy
teams up with a white guy.

234
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,690
It gives us hope.

235
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,858
(gasps)
That's the show for Lisa.

236
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,194
{\an8}She'll love it!

237
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,071
<i>The Bad News Bears?</i>

238
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,489
Is there nothing so beautiful

239
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:41,158
that they won't keep exploiting
till it's worthless?

240
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,370
{\an8}Well, they're expensive,
which means if I die,

241
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,746
{\an8}you're still taking me.

242
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,332
{\an8}Also, I bought you a little
present from a street vendor.

243
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:49,709
They're earrings.

244
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,461
He's a cool cucumber, huh?

245
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,214
Mom, I'm really not
into jewelry right now.

246
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,466
(gasps)
You're not wearing your pearls.

247
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,803
-Um, the clasp wasn't working.
-I can fix it.

248
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,763
There are some things
that can't be fixed.

249
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,223
What are you saying?

250
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,934
(sobbing)
You really don't understand

251
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,936
how much this has hurt me.

252
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:12,106
Jazz is my thing,
and you said you loved my thing,

253
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:13,774
but you lied.

254
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,860
You'll have a daughter someday, too.

255
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,028
And when she yells at you like that...

256
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,321
she'll be right.

257
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,490
(crying)

258
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:25,202
<i>LISA: Oh, who can sit</i>
<i>with their back turned</i>

259
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,288
<i>as their mother is crying?</i>

260
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,790
(continues crying)

261
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,835
<i>A jazz musician, that's who.</i>

262
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,754
<i>Well, you guys understand.</i>

263
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,922
Don't look at me. I'm a pity present.

264
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,425
I'm just glad I'm not in a salad.

265
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:42,094
(continues crying)

266
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:49,226
Oh, Grand Papa, <i>es muy glamouroso.</i>

267
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:53,355
<i>Solo lo mejor para my princesa.</i>
(laughs)

268
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:58,861
Why didn't I get in
the <i>quinceañera </i>game years ago?

269
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,905
-(chuckles)
-Uh, excuse me, sir,

270
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:03,324
I have three sisters turning 15.

271
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,159
(gasps) Oh, boy.

272
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,911
Can you hold baby Maggie here,

273
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,330
while I check out
<i>las tiaras para la quinceañera?</i>

274
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:12,166
Oh, a cute little rug rat like that?
You betcha.

275
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,502
Hey, look at ol' Gil holding a baby.

276
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,170
I'm not even dropping it.

277
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,172
Oh! Why did I say that?

278
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,715
Now it's all I can think about.

279
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,008
(porcelain shatters)

280
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:24,220
Oh, every time I get a great job,
I drop a baby.

281
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,055
(both laugh)

282
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,603
<i>MARGE: If I can just get her</i>
<i>to share an armrest,</i>

283
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,271
<i>that would be a start.</i>

284
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,107
Hmm... (groans)

285
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,901
♪ ♪

286
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,237
<i>♪ A ragtag bunch of misfits ♪</i>

287
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,698
<i>♪ And a no-goodnik rub-a-dub ♪</i>

288
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,409
<i>♪ How can I make them winners ♪</i>

289
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,119
<i>♪ In baseball ♪</i>

290
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,955
<i>♪ And at love? ♪</i>

291
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,456
Hmm.

292
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:53,874
♪ ♪

293
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:57,503
<i>♪ Corey Leak is a hip-shakin',</i>
<i>rule-breakin' bad boy ♪</i>

294
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,296
(effeminately)
I'm a bad boy.

295
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,007
<i>♪ But I've got a crush ♪</i>

296
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:06,011
<i>♪ On Amanda, so ♪</i>

297
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:09,598
<i>♪ I will mend my roughish ♪</i>

298
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:15,312
<i>(sustained)</i>
<i>♪ Way... ♪</i>

299
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,647
<i>♪ S-ah ♪</i>

300
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,315
Oh.

301
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,151
KIDS: Here comes the tying run.

302
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,862
Tie, Corey, tie.

303
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:24,738
You're out!

304
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,950
<i>♪ To you, I'm out ♪</i>

305
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:32,997
<i>♪ But to me, I'm home ♪</i>

306
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:40,212
<i>♪ Time for the show stopper ♪</i>

307
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,297
Yeah!

308
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:45,676
<i>♪ The big cork popper ♪</i>

309
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,386
-(corks popping)
-(audience applauds and whistles)

310
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,430
<i>(thinking)</i>
<i>Lisa, you're gonna have to admit it,</i>

311
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:51,682
<i>your mom has the bad taste of...</i>

312
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,350
<i>well, a mom.</i>

313
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,311
<i>I'm gonna have to mother myself.</i>

314
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:58,105
You quit complaining,
and pretend you like it.

315
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,650
(groaning quietly)

316
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,652
<i>(Marge thinking)</i>
<i>I knew she'd come around.</i>

317
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,654
What's all this nonsense?

318
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,990
(cheers and applause)

319
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,284
Quit clapping, I've got a hangover.

320
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,870
<i>♪ We'll win the game ♪</i>

321
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,331
<i>♪ Of love ♪</i>

322
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,459
(snapping)

323
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:19,877
Exit to your left.

324
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,712
(cheering and applause)

325
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,797
That's too tight, Bill.

326
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:35,225
(orchestra playing bouncy melody)

327
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,727
Wonderful.

328
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,187
Did it do it for you too?

329
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,647
Not yet.

330
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,024
Stand back. I said stand back.

331
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,109
Who are you?

332
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,325
Oh, you were our star tonight.

333
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:54,078
That's a performance I'll never forget.

334
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,163
So what are you
sophisticated ladies up to next?

335
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,540
Well, I thought we might have
an after show nosh

336
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,708
at the Penny Loafer.

337
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,669
Invitation noted and accepted.

338
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,545
(chuckles nervously)
Well, good,

339
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,715
because getting a table for three
is so much easier.

340
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,762
Hey! You're not Nathan Lane!

341
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,847
(scissors clipping)

342
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,185
(Homer humming happily)

343
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:19,269
(whispers) Here he comes.

344
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,897
Aw, don't worry, Bart, Jr.,

345
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,524
Daddy will get that for you.

346
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,567
(grunts, spits)

347
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,195
(grunts)

348
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,531
Why, you little... (grunts)

349
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,825
Dad, no!
You're gonna strangle a baby!

350
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,577
(gasps) Oh, my God.
That would've been horrible.

351
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,371
-Why, you little... (grunts)
-(chokes)

352
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,707
turning... a sweet little baby...

353
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,167
-into a you! (grunts)
-(Bart continues choking)

354
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,128
Bart, you're a great kid,

355
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,754
but if I had another one like you,

356
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,590
I'd hang myself from a highway overpass.

357
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,510
Please, give your sister
the precious gift

358
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,303
of not being you.

359
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,680
Okay, Dad.

360
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,932
Mags, it was fun while it lasted.

361
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:01,770
Huh? Ha!
I didn't know it was that easy.

362
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,856
-(chuckles)
-Stop that!

363
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,567
(shrieks) Sideshow Bob!

364
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,864
So, Lisa, think we'll see any stars?

365
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,907
Mom, it's a tourist trap.

366
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,160
Celebrities don't actually come in here.

367
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,412
Until today, right?

368
00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:19,830
Well, you never know.

369
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,999
I'll ask the hostess
if anyone's expected.

370
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:25,294
-Aw, she keeps doing this.
-I'm sorry, what?

371
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,588
Every time she tries
to fix things between us,

372
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,798
it just emphasizes how different we are.

373
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,593
For what it's worth,
my mom loved your show tonight.

374
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,678
She pretty much sees
the best in everything.

375
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,222
Amazing, really,
considering she has a husband

376
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,807
who randomly shows up to work,

377
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,727
a son who, God bless him,
is probably heading for the chair.

378
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,395
And an ungrateful little girl

379
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,856
who ignores her mother's frantic
attempts at reconciliation,

380
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,317
and tells family secrets
to a total stranger.

381
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,987
A total stranger <i>The New York Times</i>
calls "a charming presence."

382
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,947
You don't know me at all!

383
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:56,950
But hardly anybody likes jazz.

384
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,078
Why should I expect my mom to?

385
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,747
<i>That's right,</i>
<i>you have to see the other side.</i>

386
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,291
<i>The one that always makes you wrong.</i>

387
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:05,626
(sobs) Mom.

388
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,920
{\an8}Mom, I can't stay mad at you.

389
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,880
{\an8}I'm putting my pearls back on.

390
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,882
{\an8}Oh, thank you, sweetie.

391
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:15,719
{\an8}And I apologize for expressing
my sincere feelings.

392
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:19,681
(saxophone playing)

393
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,644
(sighs)

394
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,395
Why don't you show us what you got, Lisa?

395
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,564
(chuckles)
That's right, I learned your name.

396
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:31,026
It's not all about me, Andrew Rannells.

397
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,946
20 bucks for ten minutes with the sax.

398
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,992
(playing intro to
"Don't Rain on My Parade")

399
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,329
Hey, that little turd can play.

400
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,997
I'm just getting warmed up.

401
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:47,417
(orchestra playing intro to
"Don't Rain On My Parade")

402
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,419
<i>♪ Don't tell me not live ♪</i>

403
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:50,546
<i>♪ Just sit and putter ♪</i>

404
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,089
<i>♪ Life's candy and the sun's ♪</i>

405
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,423
<i>♪ A ball of butter ♪</i>

406
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,300
<i>♪ Don't bring around a cloud ♪</i>

407
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:59,388
<i>BOTH:</i>
<i>♪ To rain on my parade ♪</i>

408
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,723
-My parade.
-Sorry.

409
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,892
<i>♪ Don't tell me not to fly ♪</i>

410
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,269
<i>♪ I simply got to ♪</i>

411
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,188
<i>♪ If someone takes a spill,</i>
<i>it's me, and not you ♪</i>

412
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:13,735
<i>♪ Who told you you're allowed</i>
<i>to rain on my parade? ♪</i>

413
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,654
<i>♪ Get ready for me, Love ♪</i>

414
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:16,989
<i>♪ 'Cause I'm a "comer" ♪</i>

415
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,574
<i>♪ I simply got to march ♪</i>

416
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:19,992
<i>♪ My heart's a drummer ♪</i>

417
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,076
<i>♪ Nobody, no ♪</i>

418
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,494
<i>♪ Nobody ♪</i>

419
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:25,330
<i>♪ Is gonna rain on ♪</i>

420
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:31,670
<i>(sustained) ♪ My parade... ♪</i>

421
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:36,258
-(continues holding note)
-(song ends)

422
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:39,344
-Well, what do you think?
-My golden girl.

423
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,680
(grunts)

424
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,020
Straight ahead
is the 19th Street Liquor Store,

425
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:50,814
the epicenter of the 1967 riots,

426
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,733
which never fully stopped.

427
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,693
(camera shutters click)

428
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:57,362
Ahead is the high rise
where State Senator Wilcox

429
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,532
was shot in mid-air,
as he plummeted to his death.

430
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,617
(camera shutters click)

431
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,286
(groans happily)

432
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,622
-Best trip of my life.
-(Lisa groans happily)

433
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,707
(saxophone playing <i>Simpsons</i> theme)

434
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,087
(Lisa grunting)

435
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,798
(grunts)

436
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,052
(playing Gerry Mulligan's "Apple Core")

437
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,935
♪ ♪

438
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,646
(snoring)

439
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,565
{\an8}(toy saxophone squeaking)

440
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,071
♪ ♪

441
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,152
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

442
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,950
Subtitled by A. Vandelay