1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:09,592 WIGGUM: Yeah, I know Ralphie's birthday is coming up. 3 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,594 Of course I'm gonna get him a present. 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,723 I'm at the... the toy store right now. 5 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:18,560 Let's see, present for Ralph, present for Ralph. 6 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,437 {\an8}Ooh, what do we have here? 7 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,398 {\an8}Boy, Ralph would kill himself with this in two seconds. 8 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,358 {\an8}And somehow it'd be my fault. 9 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,651 {\an8}Mm! 10 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,530 {\an8}This money has been sitting here since 1998, 11 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,741 {\an8}not doing anybody any good. 12 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,784 {\an8}I want to get Ralphie something nice. 13 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,620 {\an8}Yeah, a few thousand should do. Hm-mm. 14 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,833 {\an8}(whistling a tune) 15 00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,668 {\an8}Uh, you heard me whistling there, right? 16 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,378 {\an8}That indicates innocence. 17 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,214 {\an8}Uh, proclaiming your innocence indicates guilt. 18 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,799 {\an8}Oh, yeah? Well, what does this mean? 19 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,052 {\an8}♪ Skiddily bop and bah! ♪ 20 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,428 {\an8}(whoops) 21 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,972 {\an8}(engine revving, tires squealing) 22 00:00:57,682 --> 00:01:00,310 {\an8}Okay, so at a Ralph party, always get to the cake before... 23 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,020 {\an8}Too late. 24 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,022 {\an8}(both gasp) 25 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:07,192 {\an8}BART: That's the best damn tree house I've ever seen! 26 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,446 {\an8}(heavenly music plays) 27 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,823 {\an8}Fine. I'll rub my eyes the other way. 28 00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,118 {\an8}(inspiring orchestral fanfare plays) 29 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,203 {\an8}D'oh! 30 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,747 {\an8}(lively chatter, laughter) 31 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,626 {\an8}Whee! 32 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:25,877 {\an8}Whee...! 33 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:27,879 Whoa! 34 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,048 The September issue! 35 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,888 {\an8}(gentle classical music plays) 36 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,858 {\an8}Ooh! Free wood! 37 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,069 {\an8}(Homer whoops) 38 00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,362 {\an8}(groans) Oh. 39 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,197 {\an8}My tree house sucks. 40 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,281 {\an8}Haw haw! 41 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,325 {\an8}(singsongy) You have class envy! 42 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,576 {\an8}(slurring) Nelson, honey, 43 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,037 {\an8}I told you to stop sayin' "haw haw." 44 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,872 {\an8}Give me a dollar and I'll stop. 45 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,666 {\an8}I don't got a dollar. 46 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,084 {\an8}Haw haw! 47 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,627 {\an8}(hums happily) 48 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,712 {\an8}Do you want to practice your speech on me? 49 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,631 {\an8}(chuckles) No need, honey. 50 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:13,299 {\an8}Same speech I give every year. 51 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,511 {\an8}The opening joke about Lenny's grandma always kills. 52 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:17,887 {\an8}You can't joke about her. 53 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,764 {\an8}They just put her on life support. 54 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,183 {\an8}What?! No! She's the linchpin! 55 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,185 {\an8}It's okay, it's okay. 56 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:27,480 {\an8}Everyone is terrified of public speaking. 57 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,191 {\an8}But just in case, I'll defrost a failure ham. 58 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,277 {\an8}(dramatic musical stinger) 59 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,698 {\an8}You don't have faith in me! I have savers. 60 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:39,576 {\an8}If I get heckled, I'll say, "Get a half-life!" 61 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,830 {\an8}I'm sure that'll be funny to them. 62 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,373 {\an8}Mm! (kisses) 63 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:46,708 {\an8}(whimpers) 64 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,668 {\an8}Calm down, Homer. 65 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:50,420 {\an8}Just leave your body. 66 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,173 {\an8}Oh, no! 67 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,761 {\an8}What the hell is this?! 68 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,430 {\an8}(humming happily) 69 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:01,848 {\an8}(startled grunt) 70 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,934 {\an8}Ooh, throwing away your "No Girls" sign? 71 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,062 {\an8}Is it time for you to have "the talk" with your dad? 72 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,191 {\an8}Because he's gonna have to read a few things first. 73 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,692 No. I'm tearing it down. 74 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,570 Ralph has a cool tree house, and mine sucks. 75 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,572 Well, Bart, your father built it, 76 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,033 and he did the very best he could. 77 00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,659 (grunting) 78 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,162 I did my job. Now it's your turn, tree. 79 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,331 Get growing. 80 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,876 I'll tell you what, why don't I spruce it up for you. Huh? 81 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,836 But you're an inside grown-up. 82 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,047 Moms can't build tree houses. 83 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,924 You realize that saying that 84 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,176 is gonna make this mom work her keister off 85 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:41,554 to make you the best darn tree house you ever saw! 86 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,557 Sounds good. 87 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,808 (screams) 88 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:46,935 Don't worry. 89 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,686 You forget, most of that's hair. 90 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,021 BURNS: (chuckles) So I said, 91 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,564 "Get a half-life!" 92 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,649 (laughter) 93 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,364 (laughs) 94 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,783 Funny and handsome. And I hear he's loaded. 95 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,243 (chuckles) Yes. 96 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,745 Now, to end this perfect day on the perfect note, 97 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:07,997 Mr. Homer Simpson. 98 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:12,293 (footsteps echoing) 99 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,591 (footsteps echoing louder) 100 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,720 {\an8}(man coughs) 101 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,472 {\an8}You're gonna do great, Homer. You're gonna kill. 102 00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:27,558 {\an8}You're gonna-- Oh, where did all these people come from?! 103 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,395 {\an8}-(gunshot) -Aah! 104 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,896 Uh, uh... 105 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,525 Webster's Dictionary defines... a speech 106 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,737 as a... series of words that... 107 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,407 -(murmuring) -elo... quently... 108 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,284 I've never seen anyone bomb like that. 109 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:47,036 Yeah. I really feel badly for the guy. 110 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,329 -Boo! -Boo! 111 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,748 (crowd booing) 112 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,252 (whimpering, shuddering) 113 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,962 I'm a failure. 114 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,463 Shall I release the hounds, sir? 115 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,466 Mm, the therapy hounds. 116 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,764 Oh, oh, I feel a little better. 117 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,641 Now release the real hounds. 118 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,393 (dogs barking, snarling) 119 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,352 (screaming) 120 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,855 It's a pretty good seminar this year. 121 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,361 Dad, what's wrong? Did your speech go badly? 122 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,779 How do you know something's wrong? 123 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,948 You're drinking from a can of corn. 124 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,616 {\an8}Hmm? Eh. 125 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,289 Aw, Dad, do you know Barbra Streisand 126 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,623 once forgot the words to a song 127 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:36,044 and didn't perform in public again for nearly three decades? 128 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,963 Yeah, but she still had James Brolin to cuddle. 129 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,050 So, on a scale of ten to ten, how'd you do? 130 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,634 Um... 131 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,553 (water dripping) 132 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,350 ♪ Drip drop, you flop ♪ 133 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:54,062 ♪ Drip drop, you flop, drip drop, you flop, ♪ 134 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,314 -♪ Drip drop, you flop ♪ -♪ Fail, fail, fail ♪ 135 00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,149 -♪ Drip drop, you flop... ♪ -♪ Fail, fail... ♪ 136 00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:00,026 What the hell is your problem, idiot?! 137 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,778 -(kettle whistling) -(Homer gasping) 138 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,071 I don't know! 139 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,323 (sobbing) I don't know! 140 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,744 (whimpers) 141 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,579 I know what will cheer you up. 142 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,998 We'll go to the comedy club downtown. 143 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,168 Downtown? With all those desperate addicts? 144 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:20,088 Oh, the city cleaned them up and made them comics. 145 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,339 Cool! 146 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,258 Homie, you're gonna chuckle your blues away. 147 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,386 This is the best kind of comedy. 148 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,429 -No writers. -Amen to that, Marge. 149 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,390 And I appreciate this, but I really resent 150 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,933 the two-drink minimum! 151 00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,935 You always drink more than two drinks. 152 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,895 But no one makes me. 153 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:38,481 Three Long Island iced teas, please. 154 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,068 Okay, we're gonna perform a little improv. 155 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,694 First we need a location. 156 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,030 Uh, 40.7 degrees north latitude, 157 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,408 74 degrees west longitude. 158 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:49,784 Ah, yes, New York City. 159 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,203 Now we need a relationship for me and Cathy here. 160 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,621 Loveless marriage! 161 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,706 (laughs) Okay, I heard loveless marriage. 162 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,125 These guys are pros. 163 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,377 All they did was ask for two premises. 164 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,046 That's two more than you've asked for. 165 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,631 (sighs) Oh, boy. 166 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,800 All right, all we need now is an object. 167 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,051 Anyone. 168 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:10,638 (quietly) Fear of public speaking. 169 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:11,806 Sorry, didn't hear that. 170 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:14,809 Oh... fear of public speaking. 171 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,769 Maybe he has trouble talking in the dark. 172 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,813 Hey, Jerry, bring up number seven. 173 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:19,897 (shrieks) 174 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,065 No! Jerry, no! 175 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,817 Aah! No! Aah! 176 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,277 Jerry, stop it! No! 177 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,570 Stop... Aah! 178 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,239 Oh, no! Oh-ho-ho! Aah! Oh! 179 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:31,284 Okay, okay, okay, um... fear of public speaking. 180 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:32,785 Well, that's not really an object, 181 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,245 but we'll make it work. 182 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,038 New York City, loveless marriage, 183 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,832 fear of public speaking. 184 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:41,419 They've pulled back the bow; now let the arrow take flight. 185 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:44,630 You know, I'm gonna move over a seat. 186 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:49,343 We now take you to an apartment on 68th and Columbus Avenue. 187 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,430 (trembling) Oh... eek... 188 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:55,141 aah... aah... ooh... 189 00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,101 What? What? Cathy, what's wrong? 190 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,519 I-I... I-I... 191 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:01,481 I... ah-ah-ah... ah... 192 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,649 Aw, for heaven's sakes, Cathy, when we got married, 193 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,443 you used to speak for hours. 194 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,904 But since we moved to New York City, nothing! 195 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,323 -(crowd laughing) -Wow. It all magically fits. 196 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:13,159 Come on, Cathy, say something! Anything! 197 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,328 (Italian accent) Fuggedaboutit! 198 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,163 (laughter, applause) 199 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,167 And scene! 200 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,794 I said "fear of public speaking." 201 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,923 Yes, you did. Very nice. Return to your seat immediately. 202 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,800 Wow. Wow. These guys do everything I can't. 203 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,469 Maybe they can teach me. 204 00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:33,763 I don't know that they're interested in that. 205 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,932 $500 for the first eight classes. 206 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,642 That's kind of expensive. 207 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:40,603 Couldn't people just form their own groups for free? 208 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,522 And scene. 209 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,692 Uh, uh... excuse me, is this the, uh, 210 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,319 improv class? 211 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,404 Yes, and... come in. 212 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,405 Sit anywhere? 213 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,824 Yes, and... be quiet. 214 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,661 HOMER: This is it. 215 00:08:56,744 --> 00:09:00,206 I feel my mind exploding with premises. 216 00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,291 ♪ ♪ 217 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,594 So many ideas, 218 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,055 but how do I turn them into comedy? 219 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,809 ♪ Oh, kiss me ♪ 220 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,311 ♪ Beneath the milky twilight... ♪ 221 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,771 (chuckling) 222 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,898 Homer, could-could you stay with us, please? 223 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,191 I don't know how. 224 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,193 The secret is to lose yourself 225 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,988 and become, say, a suicidal auctioneer. 226 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,157 I could not possibly imagine what such a person would say. 227 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,827 Well, just remember, it's-it's not you. 228 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,037 Don't you get it? The secret to life 229 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,248 has been right in front of you all along: 230 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,709 Don't be yourself! 231 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,711 Uh, uh, okay. 232 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,713 What am I bid for this noose? 233 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,880 Do hear $100? 234 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:50,881 No? 235 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,216 Going... going... 236 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,301 (chokes) 237 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,970 (laughter) 238 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:59,056 That's great! Really took my mind off my sick grandmother. 239 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,474 -(phone chimes) -Oh. 240 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,810 Looks like the hospital left a message. 241 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,896 -(voice breaking) Gotta go. -HOMER: See ya! 242 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,898 (laughs) It made me laugh. 243 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,734 -So, then you pay me? -No, never! 244 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,153 And if you open your own school, we'll break your legs! 245 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,905 You want to give him the one we can never crack? 246 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,658 Queen of Norway buying a car. 247 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:22,496 (high-pitched) Oh, dear! I can't a-fjord it! 248 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,665 A star is born. 249 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,334 (grunting) 250 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,004 Excuse me. 251 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,006 I'm from the city. Are you aware that you live 252 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,258 in a historical tree house preservation district? 253 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,344 ♪ ♪ 254 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,352 May I see your permits? 255 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,020 I don't have permits. 256 00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,772 -(screams) -Don't worry. 257 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,774 D-Don't worry. I'll take care of it. 258 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,859 (grunting) 259 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,697 I've got to hand it to you, Dad. 260 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,616 You went from fear of public speaking 261 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,369 to starting your own improv troupe. 262 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:04,372 Improv is exciting, but totally safe. 263 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,707 Like driving a helicopter on the ground. 264 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,042 Um, that's not safe. 265 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,670 Don't deny the premise. That's anti-improv. 266 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,464 Note for new character, "Auntie Improv." 267 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,133 (high-pitched) May I hear a suggestion? 268 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,344 People, don't freak out, 269 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,347 but the improv critic from the Springfield Shopper 270 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,932 is in the audience. 271 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,142 (gasps) Steve Thurlson? 272 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,395 No, Thurlson is their improv reporter. 273 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,063 Grant Hood is their improv critic. 274 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,898 Then who's Jennifer Whitehead? 275 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,650 Oh, she writes improv think pieces. 276 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,235 You know, trends, big picture stuff. 277 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,653 Who does the top ten list 278 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,655 at end-of-year "Best of Improv" issue? 279 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:38,948 They each write their own. 280 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,324 -(all murmuring assent) -Oh, yeah. 281 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,992 I forgot about that. That's true. 282 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,869 Huh! 283 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,329 (piano riff playing) 284 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,123 (crowd cheers) 285 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,666 Hi, everybody. 286 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,584 We are "Premises, Premises." 287 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,755 Yes, it says on Google that there are 5,012 improv groups 288 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,799 with that name. 289 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,259 LENNY: Take it, Homer. 290 00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:01,721 (nervously) Uh, okay, I need a location. 291 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,473 Uh, Jackson Square in New Orleans. 292 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,309 And a type of person that might be there. 293 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,228 Someone with confidence. 294 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:10,855 Mm, I... 295 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,773 (Cajun accent) I ga-ron-tee it! 296 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,818 (laughter, cheering) 297 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,612 So, Tuesday is the tree house warming. 298 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,573 Nelson's gonna show us his mom's bra. 299 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,866 (gasps) 300 00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,909 That's the thing that boobs touch. 301 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,870 Whoa, automatic blinds. 302 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,873 Yeah, I think my mom put those in. 303 00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:29,874 No need to thank her. 304 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,041 She's just doing her job. 305 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:33,878 (grumbles) 306 00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,717 The Keebler Elves are real! 307 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,219 Pass the gravy, Bart. 308 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,429 Yo. 309 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:44,722 Thank you. 310 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,432 Geez, who ordered the crab? 311 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,725 (gasps) There's crab? 312 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,059 There's no crab. 313 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,604 There's no "thank yous," no appreciation. 314 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:52,980 Nothing. 315 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,318 Uh, who was that directed at? 316 00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:58,402 Bart! 317 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,488 Whew! Pass the gravy, please. 318 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:02,990 (phone chimes) 319 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,576 (gasps) Dad! Dad! 320 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,996 The Springfield Fringe Festival just invited us to perform! 321 00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,123 Huh? What's a "Fringe Festival"? 322 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,751 My guess would be it's a three-day series of performances 323 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,628 by alternative comedy and music acts, 324 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,254 including, but not limited to, 325 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,924 improv, stand-up, light circus work and ironic burlesque. 326 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,177 We're gonna be on the main stage on closing night! 327 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,595 This is going in my log. 328 00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:25,679 Yay! 329 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,932 (chuckles) More crab for me. 330 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,642 MARGE: There's no crab! 331 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,810 Mm! 332 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,645 (humming happily) 333 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:33,604 (grunts, slurps) 334 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,439 Mmm! 335 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,774 (Marge grunting) 336 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,111 Aw, Marge, don't take it to heart. 337 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,364 Kids are ungrateful; that's their job. 338 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,242 You can cheer up watching me at the Fringe Festival. 339 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,660 Good for you. 340 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,663 The main stage, closing night, all eyes on you. 341 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,873 Wh-Wh-Wh-What... what are you saying? 342 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,167 Oh, she's making me nervous again. 343 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,794 But now I'm a trained comedy amateur. 344 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,379 No one can get in my head. 345 00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,297 MARGE: Marge Simpson, 346 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,717 you don't want to accidentally undermine him like last time. 347 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,387 Oh, thank God he doesn't know what I'm thinking. 348 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,347 I know exactly what she's thinking. 349 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,225 That if I mess this up, I'll be worse off than ever. 350 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,226 He does know. 351 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,394 She knows I know! 352 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,062 (Homer and Marge scream) 353 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,985 -Homer? -(muffled) Aw, what? 354 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,862 I slept on it, and I'm madder than ever. 355 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,154 Go get Bart. 356 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:25,364 Oh, my God, Marge, 357 00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,324 you woke up with morning-would-be-mad. 358 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,743 Okay, I'll put this in your new language. 359 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,704 Location: Bart's room. 360 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,831 Action: bring him here. 361 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,165 Can I get a character, please? 362 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,500 Fine. Um... 363 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,919 A near-sighted Frankenstein. 364 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,170 Okay. 365 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,089 (growling) 366 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,302 Bride! Bride! 367 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,096 I do not look like the Bride of Frankenstein. 368 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:50,890 Don't deny premise. 369 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,266 (growls) 370 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,603 (knocking on door) 371 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,687 (grunts) 372 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,356 BART: Mom, can I come in? 373 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,233 You like your eggs a little runny don't you? 374 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,152 -What? -And your toast set at four, 375 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,361 with a little bit of butter? 376 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,613 Yeah! 377 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,198 Hash browns might be a little burnt. 378 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,201 I like 'em however you make 'em, sweetie. 379 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,745 I just wanted to say 380 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,246 I'm sorry. 381 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,665 We all forget just how many wonderful things you do. 382 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,043 Oh... (gasps) 383 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,795 (voice breaking) Y-You're making me cry. 384 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,088 -(sobs) -And best of all, 385 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,799 you're as hot as the day I met you. 386 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,636 (sobs) Thank you! 387 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:32,473 That apology speech you wrote worked like a charm, Pop. 388 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,433 Your mother can't resist an apology 389 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,477 that comes straight from the heart. 390 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,978 Of this box. 391 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,441 Oh, dear God, 392 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:45,402 this is not a Renaissance Faire, is it? 393 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:49,073 Uh, that's in two weeks, Henry the Weight Problem. Ha! 394 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:52,576 Gee, I don't know if I belong here with all this talent. 395 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,994 (goofy voice) Hey, Reverend. 396 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,913 Why didn't the dinosaurs make it on Noah's Ark? 397 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,456 (normal voice) Ooh, I give up. 398 00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,416 (goofy voice) Because they didn't exist. 399 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,960 (laughter) 400 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,465 (carnival music plays) 401 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:09,635 Dad, this festival encourages experimentation. 402 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:10,970 Even failure. 403 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,930 Oh, what if I don't fail? 404 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,765 Desperate times call for desperate measures. 405 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,475 I am getting a helium balloon. 406 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:17,935 That makes anyone funny. 407 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,062 (high helium voice) Be right back! 408 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,398 (Homer retching) 409 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,692 {\an8}Homer, are you okay? 410 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:28,195 {\an8}You look exactly like Barbara Streisand did in 1967. 411 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,322 I can't think of anything funny. 412 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,366 Homer, Homer, relax, you're a riot. 413 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,911 Remember how funny you was when you was the confident Cajun? 414 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,163 Look, just let me feed you the prompt. 415 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,499 Wait, you mean cheat at improv? 416 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,126 What would Del Close say? 417 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,170 He would say, "Do like Moe says, and shut the hell up." 418 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,880 Who's Del Close? 419 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,467 {\an8}Only the author of the best book I intend to read someday. 420 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,886 Homer, the cemeteries are filled with people 421 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,722 who didn't cheat at improv. 422 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,557 Hmm. 423 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,399 Okay, let's go over what you're gonna call out one more time. 424 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,317 Uh, ethnicity: Cajun. 425 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,028 Location: back alley. 426 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,320 Good, good. 427 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,655 The back alley Cajun bit. 428 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,157 LISA: (high helium voice) Dad! 429 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,160 Are you cheating by planting suggestions? 430 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,370 -Maybe. -(gasps) 431 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,830 (normal voice) Have you learned nothing 432 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:22,458 from owning an unread copy of Truth in Comedy? 433 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,376 It's either that or quit the show. 434 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,336 You can't let your troupe down. 435 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,173 They need your space work, your strong choices 436 00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,008 and scene-building skills. 437 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,676 Hey, lay off your dad, huh? 438 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,928 Everything that's supposedly spontaneous 439 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,430 has already been planned, okay? 440 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,516 Reality shows, uh, lip-sync singing, even... 441 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,851 (dramatic voice) award shows. 442 00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,352 No! 443 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,772 Yes. That's why the losers don't show up. 444 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,315 B-B-But they have scheduling conflicts. 445 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,608 Yeah, right. 446 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,944 Dave Franco has a scheduling conflict. 447 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,404 No, no, I've heard enough. 448 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,866 I refuse to use performance enhancing "sugs." 449 00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,036 -(murmuring) -It's Homer Simpson. 450 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,537 Homer Simpson's here. 451 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,372 (crowd continues murmuring excitedly) 452 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,583 Okay, everyone, I'm Homer Simpson, 453 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,502 and I need an occupation. 454 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,920 Cadaver salesman? 455 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,713 Drive-thru cashier. 456 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,548 Uh, frog gigger. 457 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,758 Finger kisser! Mwah! 458 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,009 Nurse. 459 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,677 You'll have to be more specific. 460 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,679 I need a nurse! 461 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,223 Back alley Cajun! 462 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:20,224 Mm-hmm! 463 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,558 Ah... 464 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,977 A father I can look up to. 465 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,980 Oh. Um, uh... 466 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,733 I hear... drive-thru cashier! 467 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,568 BOTH: You wha...?! 468 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,862 Hello, welcome to "Down-and-Out Burger." 469 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,030 Would you like fries with that? 470 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,406 -(laughter) -A thousand? 471 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,742 Sure thing, Mr. Brando. 472 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,161 By the way, this is 1992. 473 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,539 (Homer chuckles, crowd laughing) 474 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,129 And now we're gonna do something a little special. 475 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,799 Our father is gonna improv live answers to questions 476 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,425 from the TV audience. 477 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:59,805 It only took us 27 years to do what they could do in 1954. 478 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,682 Homer, time to bomb. 479 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,518 Hello! I've gathered you here 480 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,186 because I have an important announcement. 481 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:09,356 This is the last episode of The Simpsons. 482 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,607 It's been a good run-- 483 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,817 Ah, just kidding! 484 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,610 The Simpsons will never end! 485 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,112 But I do have bad news. 486 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,446 If you're seeing this, 487 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,074 {\an8}something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. 488 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,577 {\an8}Or you're watching the international version. 489 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,580 {\an8}In either case, I have three minutes to fill. 490 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,040 And I can think of no better way to fill that time 491 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,836 than to throw my hat into the ring for U.S. President. 492 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,797 I have no previous experience, no endorsements, 493 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,300 and no idea when the election is. 494 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,468 That makes me the most qualified. 495 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:39,887 By far. 496 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,890 I can beat Trump and Clinton and Sanders. 497 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,267 Stupid Sanders. 498 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,269 I will make America great again. 499 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,062 Then not so great. 500 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,481 I will keep you on your toes. 501 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,233 I will not run for a second term. 502 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,818 I will walk. 503 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,320 I will drill, baby, drill, 504 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:59,031 until I find the river of chocolate 505 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,700 that lies beneath Hershey, Pennsylvania. 506 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:04,953 I will not only leave Gitmo open, 507 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,664 I will open Gitmo's tavern. 508 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,543 I believe that no one, whatever his or her gender, 509 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:15,172 should have to use the bathroom after I do. 510 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,924 I am a winner! 511 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,675 If the superdelegates oppose me, 512 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,428 I will destroy them with kryptonite. 513 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:25,265 {\an8}I plan to win on the first, second, and third ballots. 514 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,934 {\an8}Maybe take a breather on the fourth, 515 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,645 {\an8}and come back strong on the fifth. 516 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:33,023 {\an8}And I'll get rid of the boring Olympic events. 517 00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,816 Like all of them. 518 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,194 I will increase American exports, 519 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,696 starting with my two stupid sister-in-laws. 520 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,365 Uh... 521 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,450 sister-in-laws...? 522 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,662 Let's just call them "American Uglies." 523 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,914 Soon to be "Canadian Sevens." 524 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,999 I would also like to apologize 525 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,877 for the horrible thing I just said about Canada. 526 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:56,129 And so, I withdraw. 527 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,423 I throw my endorsement to Jeb Bush, 528 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,425 and I trust it's not too late. 529 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,011 {\an8}In conclusion, God bless America, 530 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,181 {\an8}and God bless Springfield, in the beautiful state of-- 531 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,892 {\an8}Oh, wait. I'm afraid my time is up. 532 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,687 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 533 00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,985 Subtitled by Jimmy Boots