1
00:00:02,293 --> 00:00:06,214
{\an8}-(laughs)
<i>-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299
{\an8}(theme music playing)

3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,928
(exclaims)

4
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)

5
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)

6
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,191
-(whistle blows)
-(yells)

7
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:28,737
♪ ♪

8
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,947
(playing melodic harp)

9
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,081
D'oh!

10
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,459
-(tires screech)
-(grunts)

11
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,419
(wind whistling)

12
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,174
-(tires screech)
-(Milhouse grunting)

13
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:51,509
(bird squawks)

14
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,598
(Selma and Patty grunt)

15
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,141
Ow.

16
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,769
(squawking)

17
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,687
(Homer yelling, grunting)

18
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,440
(playing the blues)

19
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,108
-(wind gusts)
-(explosion)

20
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,277
<i>-Hola.</i>
-(duck quacks)

21
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:11,696
{\an8}<i>♪ Simpsons Time ♪</i>

22
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:12,947
<i>-♪ Run, don't walk ♪</i>
-(sniffing)

23
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,449
<i>♪ You might even hear ♪</i>

24
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,909
<i>♪ Maggie talk ♪</i>

25
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,161
<i>♪ Bart the Boy and a dog named Homer ♪</i>

26
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,829
<i>♪ And jokes written on signs ♪</i>

27
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,915
<i>-♪ It's Simpsons Time ♪</i>
-Yay!

28
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,458
(Homer grunts, yells)

29
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,968
What a beautiful day for a family stroll.

30
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:37,055
Tell that to my aching back!

31
00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,099
(groans)

32
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,600
It's not a family stroll--

33
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,310
Homer forgot where he parked
his car last night,

34
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:43,478
and now we have to find it.

35
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:46,189
What a beautiful day to be in denial.

36
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,649
Yeah, Bart. Who cares?

37
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,901
The sun is shining, birds are singing...

38
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:53,655
people are staring up
at the sky in terror?

39
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,657
(Simpsons shriek)

40
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,450
Do you see it, Lisa?

41
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,286
There's... nothing... there.

42
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,206
{\an8}And that's where Lard Lad used to be!

43
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,083
{\an8}Oh, looks like we better file a report

44
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,876
{\an8}with the Bureau of Missing Statues.

45
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,588
{\an8}Yeah. Be like that time
that Rodin statue got stolen.

46
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,924
{\an8}What was the name
of that statue again? Eh...

47
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,592
{\an8}Ah, let me think. Um...

48
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,971
{\an8}Thinkin'. Yeah, still thinkin'.

49
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:20,473
{\an8}Still thinkin'.

50
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,102
{\an8}Uh, either we can fan out and search,
or bunch up and riot.

51
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:27,147
{\an8}Oh, balderdash and poppycock.
I say we do not riot.

52
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,732
{\an8}-ALL: Riot!
-ALL: Don't!

53
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,360
{\an8}-Riot!
-Don't!

54
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,778
{\an8}Riot!

55
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,156
{\an8}(all yelling)

56
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,450
{\an8}(indistinct chatter)

57
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:40,451
{\an8}(grunts)

58
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,835
{\an8}<i>And thanks to the equal number</i>
<i>of non-rioters,</i>

59
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,713
{\an8}<i>the total cost of the damage</i>
<i>is zero dollars.</i>

60
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,591
{\an8}-Homer, were you in that riot?
-Marge, please.

61
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,551
{\an8}I'm a leader in this community.

62
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,761
<i>BROCKMAN:</i>
<i>In response to the outcry...</i>

63
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,388
-(alarm ringing)
<i>-...Lard Lad's parent company,</i>

64
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,307
<i>Tianjin Mining</i>
<i>and Smelting and Donuts,</i>

65
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,808
<i>has issued the following statement--</i>

66
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:07,604
<i>"We are rebranding Lard Lad</i>
<i>with an updated statue."</i>

67
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,397
{\an8}Ooh, rebranding.

68
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,399
{\an8}That just means admitting failure, Dad.

69
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,693
{\an8}Ooh, admitting failure.

70
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:17,030
{\an8}People of Springfield,
please welcome Mr.--

71
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:20,074
{\an8}I know I'm gonna mangle this--
Lee Fong.

72
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,327
{\an8}Uh, actually,
it's pronounced Robert Chan.

73
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,870
{\an8}(moans)

74
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:27,749
{\an8}And now, please welcome the model
for the original Lard Lad,

75
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,667
{\an8}Mr. Laird Lad.

76
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,169
{\an8}A lot of crazy names today.

77
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,132
{\an8}Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Lard Lad's bold,

78
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,176
{\an8}focus-grouped, new look!

79
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,262
{\an8}(mechanical whirring)

80
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,680
{\an8}(statue squeaking)

81
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,599
{\an8}That doesn't say donuts!

82
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,976
{\an8}That says management overthink!

83
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,812
{\an8}<i>The Thinker!</i>
That statue's called <i>The Thinker.</i>

84
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,607
{\an8}(laughs) What?
What are we on now? What?

85
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,526
People,
let's give the new statue a chance.

86
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,779
When the Eiffel Tower was first built,

87
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,531
many said it was a steel monstrosity.

88
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,116
It still is.

89
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,869
Fine, but maybe this will grow on you.

90
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,788
-Aw, this thing sucks.
-I don't think so.

91
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:07,956
(overlapping disapproval)

92
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,792
-Well, at-at-at a certain angle...
-It's beautiful.

93
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,168
-We love it.
-That's beautiful.

94
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,254
(all cheer)

95
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,172
(wind whistling)

96
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,341
♪ ♪

97
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:22,345
You fools! You've erected a massive
concave reflective surface.

98
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,431
It will focus the sun's beam
in a deadly ray.

99
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,226
{\an8}(people scream)

100
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,899
(growls)

101
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,368
(cheering)

102
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,912
(all groan)

103
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,497
(all gasp)

104
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,665
-Oh.
-Uh.

105
00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:52,000
Hey!

106
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,043
(groans)

107
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,586
(gun hammer clicks)

108
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,342
QUIMBY: First off,
I'd like to thank the good people

109
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:05,263
at Tianjin Smelting and Mining
and Donuts and Tarps

110
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:09,183
for neutralizing our wonderful,
deadly, new Lard Lad.

111
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,686
Yeah, that's great.

112
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,187
They'll grow back.

113
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,983
The time for mourning
and blaming our mayors has passed.

114
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,943
We will rebuild.

115
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,279
We will rebuild.

116
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,489
ALL: We will rebuild.

117
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,075
We will rebuild!

118
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,328
We will rebuild!

119
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,546
(strained) We will rebuild.

120
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,465
We will rebuild.

121
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,384
I guess there's only one man
we can turn to.

122
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,510
Supergirl?!

123
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,596
(ominous organ music plays)

124
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,808
So... you'd like me to save the town.

125
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,935
Well, you've got gumption,
I'll give you that.

126
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,480
(laughing)
And such an adorable baby,

127
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:58,566
it really restores my...
my faith in... in the, uh...

128
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:01,694
Smithers,
where is the damn trapdoor button?

129
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:04,072
Mr. Burns,
you already trap-doored us

130
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,865
from your upstairs office.

131
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,492
(laughs) Yes.

132
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:10,286
And how was your fall?
Painful? Unexpected?

133
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,288
-Oh, yeah.
-Worst I've ever had.

134
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,581
-Oh! Really...
-Really...

135
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:16,125
-Pulled something.
-Totally painful. Did not see it coming.

136
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,627
(chuckles) Excellent.

137
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,840
So... remind me
what I was saying no to.

138
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,301
Funding repairs to the town.

139
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,137
But if you could do
even one little project.

140
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,931
Re-ducking the duck pond

141
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:32,141
or fixing up the Springfield Bowl.

142
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,519
The Springfield Bowl.

143
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,317
Very well.

144
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,861
I will rebuild this town
on one condition.

145
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:44,946
Forget it.

146
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,657
Our desperate plea is nonnegotiable.

147
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,992
I want to put on
a variety show at the Bowl.

148
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,787
A celebration of everything
wonderful about... um,

149
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,248
-what's the name of this town again?
-Springfield, sir.

150
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,292
Yes, I will destroy Springfield.

151
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:02,046
-Celebrate, sir.
-Fine, we'll try it your way first.

152
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,095
Springfield has risen
from the ashes like a phoenix.

153
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,763
That's phoenix, the mythical bird,

154
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:14,225
not Phoenix, the cultureless,
Mars-scape of the Southwest.

155
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,435
(chuckles)

156
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:19,230
Our unlikely angel, the Devil himself,
C. Montgomery Burns.

157
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:22,900
{\an8}Thank you, Kent. (groans)

158
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,654
{\an8}And don't forget the open auditions
for my <i>Springfield Follies.</i>

159
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,574
{\an8}This year women may audition, too,
with permission of husband,

160
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,160
{\an8}father, and pastor in writing.

161
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,162
BURNS: Next.

162
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,832
(cat yowls)

163
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,626
-(gentle melody plays on piano)
-(clears throat, coughs)

164
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,255
{\an8}(beautiful soprano voice)
<i>♪ Un bel di ♪</i>

165
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,925
{\an8}<i>♪ Vedremo ♪</i>

166
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,554
{\an8}<i>♪ Levarsi un fil ♪</i>

167
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,515
{\an8}<i>♪ Di fumo... ♪</i>

168
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,518
Puccini's a little well-trod,
don't you think?

169
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,270
{\an8}(yells incoherently)

170
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,856
This isn't right.
This isn't how it was at all.

171
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,816
I remember that night so vividly.

172
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,531
Monty, time to go on stage.

173
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:11,699
Yes, Mama.

174
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,452
Your little butterscotch drop
won't let you down.

175
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:17,246
Aw, who's candy? You's candy.

176
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,166
Oh, I'm gonna lick you,
my sweet little lolly.

177
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,877
Who likes Mommy's licks?
Monty likes Mommy's licks.

178
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,212
Lickity, lickity, lick.

179
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,338
-(laughing)
-Oh, oh, oh.

180
00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,672
-(giggling)
-Oh, ho, ho, ho.

181
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,008
Oh. Oh, ho, ho.

182
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,303
But the butterscotch
soon turned to bitter squelch.

183
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,555
I want everything
just as it was back then.

184
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,391
The stage filled with children
like those from 1913.

185
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,227
High-spirited, snaggletoothed,

186
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,187
and willing to work 18 hours a day.

187
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,522
<i>SKINNER (over P.A.): Attention.</i>

188
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:45,942
<i>An old man is prowling the school,</i>
<i>looking for young children.</i>

189
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,069
<i>Please, perform for him.</i>

190
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:50,571
Watch me make this nerd disappear.

191
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,907
(grunts) Ta-da!

192
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,575
Also, haw haw!

193
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,952
Excellent villain.

194
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,620
And my cast is complete.

195
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,872
I'll just save the list and...

196
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,416
(groans)

197
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,211
Samson himself
could not pry open these jaws.

198
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,587
Can I help you, sir?

199
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,715
Oh, women aren't meant for clasp opening.

200
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,178
Young lady, if there's one thing I know
about show business,

201
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,514
it's that there are a lot of clipboards.

202
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,100
How would you like to be
my assistant director?

203
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,268
Hmm.

204
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,144
{\an8}<i>(thinking) And</i>
<i>I'll be perfectly positioned</i>

205
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,565
{\an8}<i>to find out exactly</i>
<i>what Mr. Burns is really up to.</i>

206
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,649
{\an8}I'm in.

207
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,152
{\an8}And if you need another act,
I also play this.

208
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:34,490
There's no room in my show for
Adolphe Sax's vile-sounding o-phone.

209
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,701
Do you ever say anything in a simple way?

210
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,995
-Shut up.
-Well, that was clear.

211
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,329
(bird caws)

212
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,500
Hey, Homer, are you sure we haven't let
the plant slip with Mr. Burns gone?

213
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,836
Smitty, as a wise, old man once said,

214
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,423
"Out with the old...
and in with the brew."

215
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,508
♪ ♪

216
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:54,844
(slurps)

217
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,889
(indistinct chatter)

218
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,854
(alarm blaring)

219
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,939
(alarm stops)

220
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,152
♪ ♪

221
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,697
(hums)

222
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,034
(vocalizing)

223
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,333
-That's enough.
-But I haven't started my act.

224
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,336
-Muntz, what have you got?
-A rabbit in a bag.

225
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,463
Ooh, a promising magic trick.

226
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,465
No, it's my lunch.

227
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,258
Bah! You're all incompetent.

228
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,135
I won't go through this a second time.

229
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,971
"Second time"?
Is there something you're not telling us?

230
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,264
A vast amount.

231
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,183
And what part of
"What I've never told you"

232
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,185
don't you understand?

233
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,188
♪ ♪

234
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,565
(laughter)

235
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,278
Mother, what is that sound
they're making?

236
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,698
Well, it's called laughter.
You're a laughingstock, Charles.

237
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,868
(whimpering) Oh, oh, it's awful.

238
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,620
This show isn't good enough.

239
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,914
No show could be good enough.

240
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,499
(muffled) It's not?

241
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,210
(bird chirping)

242
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:10,544
(liquid pouring)

243
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,672
(cheerful scatting)

244
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,634
-What are you doing?
-Da-da-do-doo!

245
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,010
Getting ready for Monday.

246
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,388
I'm gonna fill a Super Soaker
full of lemonade,

247
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,348
Carl's gonna fill one with iced tea,

248
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:25,685
and we're gonna Arnold Palmer
Lenny when he walks in.

249
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,603
(laughing)

250
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,357
Arnold Palmer Lenny.

251
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,402
You're going to Arnold Palmer Lenny.

252
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:38,280
Yeah, you see,
Arnold Palmer was a golfer,

253
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,574
and he made up this drink

254
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,661
where it's not a full glass of lemonade

255
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,080
or a full glass of iced tea.

256
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,581
Instead...

257
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,376
Homie, I'm worried about
all this silliness at work.

258
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,503
You're the safety inspector.

259
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:56,173
I'm "a" safety inspector. Not "the."

260
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,508
I've never seen another.

261
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,927
What-- Wait, one safety inspector?

262
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,595
For the whole nuclear plant?

263
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,972
That's insane.

264
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,432
(giggles)

265
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,100
Put everything in the car
and get out of town.

266
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,269
I'll find you if there are still roads!

267
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,356
Sweetie, sweetie,
all you've got to do is be responsible.

268
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,651
Your friends consider you the leader
because you're a little taller.

269
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,278
Hmm. Wow.

270
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,654
Wow!

271
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,450
With above-average height
comes above-average responsibility.

272
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,994
Marge, thank you for setting me straight.

273
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,537
You're welcome.

274
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,914
Okay, I want to open this show

275
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,000
with someone being shot into a cannon.

276
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,002
(laughs)

277
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,879
You're joking, right?

278
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,883
Well, because, see, that's impossible.

279
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,301
(chuckles nervously)

280
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,969
<i>(audience laughing)</i>

281
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,345
(sputters)

282
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,139
Gah! Oh.

283
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,308
Everyone,
Little Miss Nitpick hates the show,

284
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,059
so I'm shutting it down.

285
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,312
("Sabre Dance"
by Aram Khachaturian plays)

286
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,813
This was an act.

287
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,899
Now it's just bullying.

288
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,817
(lights shatter)

289
00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,779
(bellows)

290
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,158
Thanks a lot, Lisa.

291
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,701
We were getting out of school for this.

292
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,077
(shoes tapping)

293
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,249
(doorbell rings)

294
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,628
Well, if it isn't the little girl
that made a billionaire cry.

295
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:19,048
-May I please speak with Mr. Burns?
-No, he's very busy.

296
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,844
Won't you please come back
and do the show?

297
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,180
Shan't.

298
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:29,517
(bike bell ringing)

299
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,603
Oh, that bell has quite the recoil.

300
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,563
{\an8}-(bell continues ringing)
-Oh, what is bothering him?

301
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,316
{\an8}And what were those weird lines
around his eyes?

302
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:38,567
I know.

303
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,653
It's such a tragedy
on that beautiful face.

304
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,280
Come here.

305
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,116
Well, there's only one explanation
for those lines, Lisa.

306
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,702
He's been watching something
on the Mutoscope.

307
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,875
So, if I play this,
I'll know the answer.

308
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,878
Mm-hmm. It, uh, costs a nickel.

309
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:00,923
(coin drops into slot)

310
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,260
(film winding and sputtering)

311
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,228
(Lisa gasps)

312
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,729
(film continues sputtering)

313
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:22,945
So this is what made Mr. Burns
the monster he is.

314
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,281
(giggles)

315
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,951
Within days, half of America
was cranking to my bottom.

316
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,787
I think you're trying to make up
for what happened to you then

317
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,415
by putting on a perfect Bowl show now.

318
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,667
(scoffs)
Spare me you amateur psychology.

319
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,545
"Ooh, I saw my father decapitated
by a grain harvester,

320
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,423
and now I can't enjoy wheat. Boohoo."

321
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:45,676
Mr. Burns,
I want you to listen to that crowd.

322
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:50,264
(film winding and sputtering)

323
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,767
{\an8}Do you really want to let those happy,
joyous people win?

324
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,769
(film continues winding and sputtering)

325
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,942
Smithers, locate my dickey.

326
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,569
We've got a show to do.

327
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,279
<i>♪ I was gonna clean my room ♪</i>

328
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,364
-(laughter and cheering)
<i>-♪ Until I got high ♪</i>

329
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,991
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh ♪</i>

330
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,201
<i>♪ I was gonna get up</i>
<i>and find the broom ♪</i>

331
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,620
-(phone rings, record scratches)
<i>-♪ But then... ♪</i>

332
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:13,954
Springfield Nuclear.

333
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,123
Yes. Yes, sir, I'll alert the workers...

334
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,583
that the pizzas are here!

335
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:20,252
(cheering, party music playing)

336
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,087
Oh, yeah, here he comes.

337
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,173
The life of this party!

338
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:27,676
Who wants to get back to work?

339
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,637
-(record scratches, music stops)
-MAN: What?

340
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,804
(balloons squeak)

341
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,598
We are a public trust.

342
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,975
We bring power to people's homes.

343
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,186
Lightbulbs, toasters,

344
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,979
and that's all I can think of.

345
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,731
Now let's buckle down!

346
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:46,946
Okay, Homer, just let us get
our microwave popcorn out of the core.

347
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,616
You're only supposed to do that when
we're watching a movie in the core.

348
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,703
(crickets chirping)

349
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,122
(indistinct conversations)

350
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,292
(ragtime piano music playing)

351
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,642
(cheering and whooping)

352
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,268
Thank you, thank you.

353
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:22,022
Well, that's the easiest time anyone's
had parking at the Springfield Bowl.

354
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,190
(laughter)

355
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,858
-Don't you laugh at me!
-(laughter dies down)

356
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,860
Now, enjoy the show.

357
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,823
God always liked you best.

358
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,450
No, God loves everyone equally.

359
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,285
That's wonderful news.

360
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,537
(chuckles)

361
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,664
Enough of your tomfoolery, Todd.

362
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,040
Let's sing.

363
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,377
<i>BOTH: ♪ Michael, row your boat ashore ♪</i>

364
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,964
<i>♪ Hallelujah ♪</i>

365
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:50,384
<i>♪ Michael, row your boat ashore ♪</i>

366
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,970
<i>♪ Hallelu... ♪</i>

367
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:57,891
Say, Sockie, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?

368
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,311
(high-pitched) That was no lady.
That was your mother.

369
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,147
(normal voice) Oh, she'll date anyone.

370
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,399
Why won't she give me a stable home?

371
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,818
(high-pitched) Haw haw!

372
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,862
(bells ringing melodically)

373
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,825
(bells stop, xylophone plays)

374
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,786
-(drumroll)
-(hatch creaks)

375
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,246
-(cymbal crash)
-(audience applauds)

376
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,832
Um, this is just a simple twins trick.

377
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:25,252
They pulled the other twin
out of the tank behind the curtain.

378
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,254
(applause)

379
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,965
-(fireworks exploding)
-(audience cheering and whooping)

380
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,261
Wait, that wasn't part of the show.

381
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,804
-(screaming)
-(alarm blaring)

382
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,681
No. No, it's not fair!

383
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,017
-I was good!
-Arnold.

384
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,435
-Palmer!
-(grunting)

385
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,020
(both laughing)

386
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,147
(sighs) Fantastic.

387
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,274
What a finale, eh, Mr. Burns?

388
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:50,110
Childhood trauma cured, huh, huh?

389
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,404
That wasn't the finale.

390
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,573
<i>(audience laughing)</i>

391
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,162
Maestro, "Golden Slippers,"
if you please.

392
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,330
Ooh, boy.

393
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,085
(shudders)

394
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,378
We can't let him
make a fool of himself again.

395
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:12,382
LISA:
No, no, Mr. Burns needs to do this.

396
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,138
<i>♪ Oh, dem golden slippers ♪</i>

397
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,182
<i>♪ Oh, dem gold... ♪</i>
(stammers)

398
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,309
Ow, the burn. Ooh!

399
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:25,145
Mr. Burns can't take the impact
of that many photons.

400
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,022
Those light-shining fools!

401
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,190
(muttering)

402
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,442
Ow! Ah!

403
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,945
(laughter)

404
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,824
Oh, for a murder of crows

405
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,867
to pluck out mine eyes!

406
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,120
You. This show was your fault.

407
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,705
Well, you'd better know this, mister.

408
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,374
This town has my back.

409
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,835
And... hey. Where did they go?

410
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,629
How did 15,000 people leave so fast?

411
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,673
Um... hey!

412
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,217
Want to see me do a cartwheel?

413
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,969
(chuckles nervously, then grunts)

414
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,011
(sighs)

415
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,222
Always had trouble with those.

416
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,475
Oh, I can't stay mad at you.

417
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,894
At my age,
I can't stay anything at anybody.

418
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,229
Oh, and you know what?

419
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,314
The laughter in my head is gone.

420
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,733
Go ahead, blow your German kazoo.

421
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:12,943
Yes, sir!

422
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,695
(playing "Golden Slippers")

423
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,866
Smithers, tap my foot for me.

424
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,367
With impatience.

425
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,870
Now, lift my arm
so I can check my watch.

426
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,706
Oh, you really should start doing
some of these things yourself.

427
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,666
♪ ♪

428
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,671
(slurps)

429
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,382
Dad, why do Simpsons always fail?

430
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,384
Oh, sweetie pie,

431
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,512
it's a terrible curse
that goes back centuries.

432
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,431
(knocking on door)

433
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,558
No, no! Don't answer that.

434
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,186
MAN: We just need a place
to stay for the night.

435
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,188
Oh, shouldn't we help them?

436
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,524
Hey, in Zero B.C.,
you can't trust anybody.

437
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,068
-Curse them, Mary!
-You curse them.

438
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,362
-My water just broke!
-Please?

439
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,244
You're telling me that really happened?

440
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,371
They looked just like us, didn't they?

441
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,457
(ragtime band playing)

442
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,969
Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-that's all, folks!

443
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,137
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

444
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935
Subtitled by Jimmy Boots