1 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,672 -CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -(Lisa grumbles) 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,341 {\an8}(theme music playing) 3 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,469 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,852 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,063 (Barney belches) 6 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,314 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,526 D'oh! 8 00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:28,903 -(tires screeches) -(grunts) 9 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,407 No! Not there! Anywhere but there! 10 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,200 Oh, a museum?! 11 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,244 (Marge grunts) 12 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,873 ♪ ♪ 13 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,795 (plays discordant notes) 14 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,338 (gasps) 15 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,674 (moans) 16 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,092 (groans) 17 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,600 (belches) 18 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,359 Hmm. 19 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:10,862 D'oh! 20 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:20,705 CHOIR (on TV): ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪ 21 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,084 (crows cawing) 22 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,127 (dramatic music playing) 23 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,191 {\an8}Ooh! I'd like a slice. 24 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,245 {\an8}(both laughing) 25 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,831 {\an8}Hey, hey! What time is it, kids? 26 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,500 {\an8}KIDS: Product tie-in time! 27 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,626 {\an8}That's right! 28 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,879 {\an8}I'm introducing a new line of candy so delicious 29 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,715 {\an8}that the Krusty Corporation board of directors 30 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,176 {\an8}will stop threatening to oust me. 31 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,553 {\an8}(drum roll) 32 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,805 {\an8}Presenting Krustaceans! 33 00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:21,432 {\an8}They look like shrimp, they taste like candy, 34 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:22,976 {\an8}and they're organic! 35 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,978 {\an8}Uh... "Clown eats snack"? 36 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,063 {\an8}Uh-oh, this could get ugly. 37 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,984 {\an8}What do you know. They're actually good! 38 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:32,652 {\an8}Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 39 00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:35,989 {\an8}Hey, hey, kids, Krusty won't be needing the spit bucket! 40 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,323 {\an8}(laughs) 41 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:38,908 {\an8}(groans) 42 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,369 {\an8}Mmm! They are good. 43 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:44,622 {\an8}-How did you get them so fast? -I'm a Krusty Prime member. 44 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:47,250 {\an8}$75 a month, but it's worth it. 45 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,881 {\an8}What? Tibor's getting a corner office? 46 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:56,342 {\an8}Oh, yeah, yeah, Tibor got promoted to senior VP. 47 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:57,760 {\an8}(groans) 48 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,846 {\an8}CARL: Cooling tower views, 49 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,890 {\an8}two chairs for two visitors. 50 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:04,392 {\an8}LENNY: A picture of a nondescript lighthouse. 51 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,853 {\an8}CARL: Oh, my God, what is he getting out of that mini fridge? 52 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,605 {\an8}It's filled with mini-colas! 53 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,773 {\an8}LENNY: Wow, he looks like a giant drinking that thing. 54 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,610 {\an8}I was in line for that job, and I lost it to someone 55 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,153 {\an8}who barely speaks English. 56 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,696 {\an8}It's humidifying. 57 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,990 {\an8}HOMER'S VOICE: Well, then why the hell don't you do something about it? 58 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,325 {\an8}Huh? Who said that?! 59 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,036 Me! (grunts) 60 00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,538 -Who are you? -I'm your ambition. 61 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,540 How come I never met you before? 62 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:31,127 {\an8}I've been locked up for 30 years by Apathy and Alcoholism! 63 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,629 {\an8}(both groaning) 64 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:35,548 {\an8}Now, Homer, Tibor is no better than you. 65 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,300 {\an8}He just dresses nicer. 66 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,053 {\an8}I guess I could dress a little better. Probably. 67 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,348 {\an8}That's the most ambitious thing you've ever said. 68 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,310 {\an8}Guys, is there something wrong with the way I dress? 69 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,394 No. 70 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,980 If you're a typewriter salesman in 1953. 71 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,484 Also, for a guy, you show way too much cleavage. 72 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:58,738 {\an8}Hey, these two have gotten me out of so many traffic tickets. 73 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,032 Look, man, if people think your clothes are outdated, 74 00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,367 they'll think you're outdated. 75 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,910 Lenny wears suspenders. 76 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,412 Correction-- I rock suspenders. 77 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,291 Ah, Tibor. There's my go-getter. 78 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,795 Thank you, Witch of the Mountains. 79 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:18,007 -(band plays upbeat music) -(audience cheers on TV) 80 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,969 Tonight we have with us a distinguished senior journalist 81 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,513 for another installment of our pointless Internet sensation-- 82 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,556 "Talking Heads Sing Talking Heads." 83 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,225 Kent Brockman, everybody! 84 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,019 {\an8}-(Talking Heads music playing) -And you may ask yourself... 85 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,396 {\an8}How do I work this? 86 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,981 {\an8}And you may ask yourself... 87 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,816 {\an8}Where is that large automobile? 88 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,651 And you may tell yourself... 89 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,695 Okay, that's it. 90 00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,949 -(audience cheers) -(band plays upbeat music) 91 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,162 Speaking of once-in-a-lifetime experiences, Kent, 92 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,457 I understand you have a fascinating story about your time in Basra. 93 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,627 Well, Jimmy, I was embedded with the 98th Airborne. 94 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:58,381 My lullaby was the thwap-thwap-thwap of the blades of a Chinook. 95 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,425 I was in the 98th Airborne. 96 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,884 I don't remember him. 97 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,221 I don't even remember what I said at the start of this sentence! 98 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,848 Out there, everyone was equal. 99 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,975 I was "Brock," the pilot was "Bama." 100 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:12,061 -Was he from Alabama? -He was from America, Jimmy. 101 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,980 To me, it was just another day at the office. 102 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,607 Only this day, the office was a burning piece of metal 103 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:19,027 where an RPG just took out the pilot. 104 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,904 So I grabbed the joystick and guided that wounded bird 105 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,657 down onto a container ship... which was sinking. 106 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,452 I bailed it with my helmet and guided her home. 107 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,704 (audience cheering) 108 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,457 That didn't happen, man! 109 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,376 Oh, you Iraq War vets are always complaining. 110 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,961 (mocking) "That didn't happen." 111 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:40,214 "The temperature was 125." 112 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,884 "The U.S.O. show was Rob Schneider." 113 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:47,430 "American objectives have been, and remain, incomprehensible." 114 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,432 Wah-wah-wah. 115 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,019 MARGE: Dinnertime! 116 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,313 (hums) 117 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,065 No junk food! 118 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,733 We're at the dinner tables. 119 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:02,612 This is Kent Brockman with a... humble apology. 120 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,615 (dramatic kettle drum plays) 121 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,992 {\an8}You know, we in the news business like to report the story, 122 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,619 {\an8}we don't like to be the story. 123 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:12,205 That's what I said to Nelson Mandela atop the Berlin Wall, 124 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,624 but... No, I didn't. That's the problem! 125 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,000 Now you're not eating. 126 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,503 I can't eat when I'm watching the spectacle 127 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,213 of an imploding celebrity. 128 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,714 We have lip-quiver, people. 129 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,509 I'm sorry to report to you that over the years, 130 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,637 every interesting thing I've done is, in fact, a complete lie. 131 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,597 I did not land a Chinook helicopter. 132 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,642 I did not see bin Laden die, or even see the movie about it. 133 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,269 Now that I've apologized, my station has assured me 134 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,355 -that it has full confidence... -These were the last words 135 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,190 of disgraced anchor Kent Brockman 136 00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:41,234 before he was escorted out by security 137 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,778 and replaced by me, Arnie Pye. 138 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,863 -This reporter promises to restore... -KENT: Hey! 139 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,824 ...our news department's credibility. 140 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:51,494 In our top story, corporate taxes are too high. 141 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,455 Geez, I'm really gonna miss Anderson Cooper. 142 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,417 -That wasn't Anderson Cooper. -Oh, thank God. 143 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,211 I'm not licked yet-- not as long as I've got a cell phone 144 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,004 and a place to sit. 145 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,342 -Company car. -(tires screech) 146 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,887 Marge, I think I may 147 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,598 -have to get new clothes. -(whispers) At last! 148 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,892 It's time for me to project the image 149 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,603 of a powerful, self-reliant man. 150 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,772 Will you take me shopping after school? 151 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,358 Sure. And after that, maybe you could... 152 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,069 oh, I don't know, lose a little weight? 153 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,697 Marge, no, don't get greedy, don't get greedy. 154 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:32,118 Sweetheart, I'm always happy to temporarily lose weight. 155 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,703 Oh... 156 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,206 So, this app is called Smothr. 157 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,460 Lets my mom keep a healthy eye on me 24/7. 158 00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,546 Milhouse, you're overexcited. 159 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,173 You're going to get a bloody nose. 160 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,175 I will not! 161 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,468 See? 162 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,887 Hmm. I call these num-nums 163 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,014 because they make my fingers numb. 164 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,266 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 165 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,435 Why are the only ingredients here 166 00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,646 "water, fun, and hydrogenated chuckles"? 167 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,690 Hey, Krusty makes quality products. 168 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:05,026 MILHOUSE: Incoming! 169 00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:07,570 Mm, let me try one of those candies. 170 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:13,951 I shared a meal with Lisa. 171 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,621 It's halfway to a kiss. 172 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:19,707 -Now I kissed Lisa. -No one kissed Lisa! 173 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,375 -Hmm? -Hmm? 174 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:25,505 Hmm, I don't think candy should give me a tingling in my left arm. 175 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:29,467 {\an8}I'm gonna prove to you that Krusty is a good clown with nonlethal candy. 176 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,136 Hey, Otto-man, can you take us to the food processing district? 177 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:35,014 -No way, Bartman. -Hey, Otto, I just remembered, 178 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,141 we have a field trip to the food processing district. 179 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,726 Oh, man, we're late! 180 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,478 (tires screech) 181 00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:46,901 FRANK SINATRA: ♪ This town ♪ 182 00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:50,279 ♪ Is a lonely town ♪ 183 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,867 ♪ Not the only town... ♪ 184 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,119 You're a very lucky lady. 185 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,704 (laughs) 186 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,998 (hums) Hmm? 187 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,876 (groans) Hmm. 188 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,962 (grunting) 189 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,552 Really? You're thwarted by a shirt? 190 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,929 -Never! -This is so exciting-- 191 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,223 with my Homie in a haberdashers. 192 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,059 My husband needs a complete makeover. 193 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:22,770 Well, thank you, lady with the beehive hair. 194 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:27,275 Ooh, intimate, but heterosexual. 195 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,572 CLERK: Here you are, pal. 196 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,074 (moaning) Oh! Oh! 197 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,534 Homie? 198 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,786 Oh, baby, you had the same idea I did. 199 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,162 Mmm! 200 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,582 This wasn't my idea, but... (gasps) 201 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,250 Oh... 202 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,380 (chuckles) They all think they're the first ones. 203 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,051 Wow. Ready for the corner office. 204 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:56,846 I feel like Mrs. Mad Men. 205 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,056 Now let's get you rung up, lard-ass. 206 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,267 -What did you call me? -Uh, Lord S. 207 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,393 Oh. 208 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,480 Well, we've got a nice-looking couple here. 209 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,441 Walk away, Marge, just walk away. 210 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,610 I'm holding my sharpest key. 211 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,695 Wait, Homie. It's Kent Brockman. 212 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,530 The man who betrayed our trust. 213 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,657 I'm producing my own news content now. 214 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,701 Could you spare a few sound bites 215 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,411 for this rudderless anchor? 216 00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,913 Forget it. We only like newspeople we can trust. 217 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,540 So no newspeople! 218 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,417 Oh, well, I have bigger problems. 219 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,211 Can't afford toothpaste, so tonight my teeth will have... 220 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,755 film at 11:00. 221 00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,757 OTTO: Adios! 222 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,178 Don't worry, Krusty's favorite number is how many jokes he's written. 223 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,767 ♪ ♪ 224 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,102 Wow! Hydroponic gardening. 225 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,104 Organic fertilizer. 226 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,649 Maybe I was wrong about Krusty. 227 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:57,239 (groans) This candy is reeking with chemicals! 228 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,283 Just once I'd like to be wrong. 229 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,036 Well, from what I read in your diary, you're rarely right. 230 00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:03,412 (groans) 231 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,748 We've got to get these samples analyzed. 232 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,125 Bart, do you think we'll get out of here safely? 233 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,252 I think the guard's no problem. 234 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,547 (robotic voice) Z, Z, Z-Z-Z. (snores) 235 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,591 Z, Z, Z-Z-Z. 236 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,968 (snores) Z, Z, Z-Z-Z. 237 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:20,388 -Here comes our ride. -(bicycle bell dings) 238 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,848 -I called UberKid. -(Eastern European accent) Please get in. 239 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,685 You want bottled water? Mints? Take. 240 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,145 Your accent is so interesting. 241 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:31,357 -Where are you from? -Uh, small town in Latvia. 242 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,693 -You don't know it. -Well, I'd like to hear. 243 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,445 Why do you have to make friends with everyone? 244 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:47,039 (sighs) So much great work for naught. 245 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,417 Kent, as your agent, I promise we will find you something, 246 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,460 or so help me, we will drop you. 247 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,713 -That's a promise. -Well, could you, uh, 248 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,381 get me on Fox News? 249 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,591 Would you be willing to call yourself a liberal 250 00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,051 and lose every discussion? 251 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,636 Every single one? 252 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,471 Okay, you've already asked too many questions. 253 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,889 The offer's dead. 254 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:04,974 (sighs) 255 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,476 ♪ Empower your horse ♪ 256 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,228 ♪ Right through the sun ♪ 257 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,606 ♪ Blast a rainbow light from your empowerment gun ♪ 258 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,567 So, you're gonna get this to Katy Perry? 259 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,901 I never said that. 260 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,237 Hey, guys. Notice anything different? 261 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,407 Whoa, whoa, impressive! Italian? 262 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:24,744 Oh-ho. Better. Connecticut! (chuckles) 263 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,788 Yeah, I think I'm gonna go into old man Burns and say, 264 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,958 "Here is a leader of men... and women." 265 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,626 'Cause that's what you have to say now. 266 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,003 High five, man! 267 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:37,089 Why do we call it "high five" when we only have four fingers? 268 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,758 You know, I've always wondered that. 269 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,092 FRINK: Oh, what have we here? 270 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,094 Uh, Lisa, these vials 271 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,054 are filled with formaldehyde. 272 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,307 Formaldehyde! Do you understand? 273 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,767 Do not imbibe! 274 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,769 Check. No imbibing. 275 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:53,773 Bart! Imbibing is eating, and formaldehyde is poison. 276 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,525 Oh, you take all the fun out of eating poison. 277 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,903 You're just an apologist for Krusty. 278 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,489 I am not a paid apologist for Krusty! 279 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,365 -I didn't say "paid." -Got to go. 280 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,159 I'll see you in the future. 281 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,660 (mechanical humming) 282 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,205 Uh, that's just my bathing suit dryer. 283 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,081 I, uh... yes. 284 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,167 (groaning) 285 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,339 Sorry, kid, not interested in your story. 286 00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:19,799 Krusty's our biggest star, 287 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,717 and formaldehyde's our biggest sponsor. 288 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,220 I'm gonna have to go off the grid. 289 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,070 All right, Kent Brockman. Welcome to BizzFad. 290 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,571 We are so crunched. 291 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,824 (chuckles) Well, the crunching is mutual. 292 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,409 "The crunching is mutual"? What the hell does that mean? 293 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,411 Well, I know that the media has changed, 294 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:52,665 but this old newshound can still find his way home. 295 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:55,000 Okay... 296 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,877 I thought I might do a piece on all the crazy 297 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,712 ice cream flavors they have these days. 298 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,340 Bacon? Really? (chuckles) 299 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,093 Kent, I like it. I do. 300 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,845 But we just went bankrupt. 301 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,222 -Uh, people, people, you're all fired. -(all groan) 302 00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,307 But, seriously, it's been a great four days. 303 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,600 Thank you. 304 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:12,726 (goat bleating) 305 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,604 Uh, gentlemen, I suggest we ramp up production. 306 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:20,025 I have a few suggestions right here in my pocket. 307 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,487 Do it, Homer! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 308 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,239 (gasps) Are you Lust? 309 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:26,949 No. Lupus. 310 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,033 (shrieks) 311 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,119 Huh? Huh? Huh? 312 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,496 (chuckles) Hey, fatso, 313 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,875 I'd close that tent flap before the mosquitoes get in. 314 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,961 What the... I thought you would like it. 315 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,672 Actually, I think you should take this tarp 316 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,049 back to the baseball stadium you got it from. 317 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,926 In case there's a rain delay. 318 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,679 (chuckles) I did not see that coming, sir. 319 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,682 Off you go, Simpson. Never seek to better yourself again. 320 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,310 I'm just going to shove my foot on your back for emphasis. 321 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,437 Yes, sir. I understand. 322 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,398 But could you try not to get my new jacket dirty? 323 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,691 Sorry, but no. 324 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,277 Well done, sir. 325 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,070 Now your turn, Smithers. 326 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,780 I never thought you'd ask. 327 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:12,286 So, why do you want to give the story to Brockman? 328 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,788 Because the best thing you can do is offer a lifeline 329 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,624 to a person with no hope. 330 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,126 -Here I am! -Sorry, not you. 331 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,502 Thank God! 332 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,671 Well, how do you know where Brockman will be? 333 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,592 To find a fallen man, you must visit the scene of his highest peak. 334 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,178 When he reported on the flood of '09. 335 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:34,016 My career and these flood waters crested at the same time. 336 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,603 This is Kent Brockman blowing a sad song on his beer bottle. 337 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,105 (playing sad tune) 338 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:44,902 Mr. Brockman, we've uncovered a huge story! 339 00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:48,822 And we need a real newsman to break it wide open. 340 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,035 (sighs) 341 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,620 A real newsman, eh? 342 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,121 Then you've come to the wrong corner. 343 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,582 -What do you mean? -Oh, I'm through. 344 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,167 Now, please, let me just go out 345 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,878 with my remaining dignity intact. 346 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,965 This is Kent Brockman thinking dark and suicidal thoughts. 347 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,383 It's quiet here in the gutter. 348 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,634 Very quiet. 349 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,386 Well, it was. 350 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,893 Okay, who would like to start today? 351 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,689 Anyone? Anyone? 352 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,774 Oh, come on. 353 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,362 In three, two... 354 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:31,156 -I'm here live at the support group... -Our top feeling today... 355 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,200 This just in-- I'm sad. 356 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:35,202 (slurring) You know, I'll be tooling around, 357 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:40,082 and I'll just constantly lapse into my elocution exercises. 358 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,835 "A Lockheed L-1011 landed safely 359 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,295 in Bogalusa, Louisiana, after an alert." 360 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,630 Oh, I've been there. 361 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,798 -Too true. -Courage. 362 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,926 Kent, you're looking unusually thoughtful 363 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,511 and silent for an anchor. 364 00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,597 You know, I thought I'd come to terms with life off the news cycle, 365 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,892 and then, bang, I was offered a scoop on a platter. 366 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,020 (slurring) Well, did you leap on that lead 367 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,646 like a lion on a lemur? 368 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,482 I passed! As in, "I am a thing of the..." 369 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,153 {\an8}Dan Rather, do you have something to contribute 370 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,531 {\an8}besides this delicious homemade Bundt cake? Mmm. 371 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,658 Kent, why are you doing this? 372 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,285 Why did you get into this business? 373 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,787 Money, women, free coffee. The usual. 374 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:23,083 Sir, if you please, these days, a bona fide uncorrupted story 375 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,419 is rarer than a snake with sneakers. 376 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,255 It's harder to find than a yellow-fronted bowerbird. 377 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:29,673 Jump on it, hoss, 378 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,092 and ride till Gramma churns the buttermilk. 379 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,303 That's when the barn dance starts. 380 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,264 What is that feeling? Is it integrity? 381 00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,641 ♪ ♪ 382 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,147 Good to see ya, buddy. I'm in! 383 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,232 Anybody got eyeliner and pancake makeup? 384 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,650 Take mine, brother. 385 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,611 Works great on Mediterranean skin. 386 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:54,323 It's from my personal line, Rather Handsome. 387 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:58,285 Well, Marge, I was humiliated by Mr. Burns, it's true. 388 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,705 But, to me, this is nothing more than a temporary setback. 389 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,583 Good for you, Homie. I'm proud of you. 390 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,002 Hey, Homer Simpson is not deterred 391 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,837 by a footprint on his suit. 392 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,089 It'll come out, right? 393 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,424 -I don't know. -(shrieks) 394 00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:15,427 Homer, I have a 12-step plan for your success. 395 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:18,097 Step number one-- get in a 12-step plan. 396 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,648 (grunts) This is an opportunity! 397 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,566 (screams) 398 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,652 I think I'm going to Moe's. 399 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:32,903 (tires screech) 400 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,863 Krusty, we have evidence that your product 401 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,865 is laced with toxic additives. 402 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,992 Yeah. So why you bothering me? 403 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,578 LISA: Because your tasty little treat did this. 404 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,163 (whirring) 405 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,916 I made the doctor cry. 406 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,836 They told me the paralysis would be temporary! 407 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,254 Five years, tops. 408 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,922 Seriously, come on, 409 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,091 that kid wasn't going anywhere anyway. 410 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:57,928 It looks like this clown could not formalde-hide the truth. 411 00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:00,097 (chuckles) This is Kent Brockman, saying... 412 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,682 No! I'm gonna sing Beatles songs 413 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,517 so you can't afford to show this video! 414 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,686 -A-one, two, three, four! -Too late! 415 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,438 Well, you're back on top, Kent. 416 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,900 {\an8}And now for a once monthly feature we do called Serious Question. 417 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:12,901 {\an8}(horn honks) 418 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,653 {\an8}Tell us, how did you get this story? 419 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,698 Well, it's funny, actually. I was trapped in a burning building... 420 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,826 (gasps) Is he really gonna take all the credit for this? 421 00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,202 Don't ask me. 422 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,745 The last newsman I could trust 423 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,124 was that bigamist, Charles Kuralt. 424 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:29,710 It was a burning building called my career. 425 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,044 Thank God I had help. 426 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:34,006 Lisa Simpson, you deserve to be on this couch with me. 427 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,008 But because I don't lie anymore, 428 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,385 I have to say I didn't fight too hard when they said no. 429 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,470 Hmm. Is that enough? 430 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,972 Are you kidding? 431 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,558 You got Hollywood's highest honor-- 432 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,978 shared credit, no money. 433 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,859 I've been informed that this is my last newscast 434 00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,986 as anchor of the Channel 6 News. 435 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,822 Before I go, I'd like to get a few things off my chest. 436 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,700 I've made out with Kent's daughter. 437 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,202 The grown-up one! 438 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,369 Are you almost through? 439 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,205 In a hurry to fail again, Kent?! 440 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,582 No, it's just I've been off the air for six weeks, 441 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:09,750 and it was torture. 442 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,335 Sometimes I'd watch Bill O'Reilly 443 00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,378 and pretend it was an older, stupider version of me. 444 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,380 Go ahead. Take your chair. 445 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,716 Do what you do best. 446 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,679 Tonight's lotto numbers-- six, 17, 42, 447 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,015 45 and 83! 448 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,642 I'm back! 449 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,727 ♪ ♪ 450 00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:34,149 (theme music playing) 451 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,147 Shh! 452 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,945 Subtitled by A. Vandelay