1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,214 {\an8}-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -(men scream) 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299 {\an8}(theme music playing) 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,678 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,810 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,355 (grunts) Hey! 6 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,274 (theme music stops) 7 00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:26,818 (theme music resumes) 8 00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,611 -(whistle blows) -(yells) 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,072 -(choking) -(theme music stops) 10 00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,782 -(thuds) -(theme music resumes) 11 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,702 (playing the blues) 12 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:41,458 -(blows wrong note, grunts) -(theme music stops) 13 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:44,127 -(theme music resumes) -(tires screech) 14 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,880 (Marge screams) 15 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,842 (chicken clucking) 16 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,930 (theme music stops) 17 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,396 ♪ ♪ 18 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,650 Hello? Hello? 19 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,239 Oh, finally, I get the remote. 20 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,366 ♪ ♪ 21 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,040 {\an8}Hmm. Hmm? 22 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:25,210 {\an8}Homer, are you ever planning on putting this stuff together? 23 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:28,046 {\an8}Sure, right after I watch this DVD. 24 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,174 {\an8}(clicks tongue, groans) Just what are you watching 25 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,675 {\an8}that's so important? 26 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,136 {\an8}Outstanding College Mascot Fights? 27 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,888 {\an8}S.E.C. edition. 28 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,932 {\an8}(marching band music plays) 29 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:39,974 {\an8}(blows landing) 30 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,102 {\an8}The top-heavy mascots always lose. 31 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,062 {\an8}Unless they're fighting something with no arms. 32 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:46,231 {\an8}See? The Stanford Tree 33 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,109 {\an8}is no match for the Tulane Green Wave. 34 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,361 {\an8}(gasps) There's people inside. 35 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,612 {\an8}Marge, do you see? 36 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,614 {\an8}(gasps) Maggie! 37 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,366 {\an8}That's it, mister. 38 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,368 {\an8}You're putting everything together today. 39 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,537 {\an8}Marjorie, isn't it a little sexist 40 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,164 {\an8}to expect me to do all the carpentry? 41 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,000 {\an8}Or you can take Bart to the mall to get fitted for... 42 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,336 {\an8}-(power drill running) -Sorry, the drill is too loud! 43 00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:10,380 {\an8}I can't hear the options! 44 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:11,506 {\an8}D'oh. 45 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,508 {\an8}(grunting softly) 46 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,304 {\an8}(phonetically) "Vous avez 'termine'"? 47 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,931 {\an8}"Vous avez 'termine'"? 48 00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:21,141 {\an8}"Du ar klar"? 49 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,851 {\an8}"Du bist fertig"? 50 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,353 {\an8}"You are 'fini-shed'"? 51 00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:27,772 {\an8}Oh, I am finished! Whoo-hoo! 52 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,899 {\an8}(grunting) 53 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,776 {\an8}D'oh! I'm trapped. 54 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,237 {\an8}(worried grunting) 55 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,613 {\an8}(high-pitched) Here, boy. Come here. 56 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,699 {\an8}Who's a good Allen wrench? 57 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,367 {\an8}You's a good Allen wrench. 58 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,452 {\an8}Come here. (sucking in) 59 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,913 {\an8}Come on. 60 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,665 {\an8}(choking) 61 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,793 {\an8}(loud cough) Huh? 62 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,004 {\an8}That isn't the same Allen wrench I swallowed. 63 00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,590 {\an8}(grunting angrily) 64 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,049 {\an8}(line rings) 65 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,759 {\an8}Hey, Barney, how's it going? 66 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,344 {\an8}Fine. How are you? 67 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,722 {\an8}I need help. Can you come right over? 68 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:05,435 {\an8}Homer, you should use the Choremonkey app. 69 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:07,020 {\an8}People do all your chores, 70 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,439 {\an8}so you're free to follow your dreams. 71 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:13,818 {\an8}My dream right now is beer and toilet paper. 72 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:17,071 {\an8}Mr. Gumble, because I'm a decent person, 73 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,282 {\an8}this is the last beer I'm going to bring you. 74 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,992 {\an8}I'll just use Uburp. 75 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,118 {\an8}(belch sound) 76 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,953 {\an8}(Snowball yowling) 77 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,289 {\an8}Stop eating me, I'm not dead yet! 78 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,874 {\an8}(Snowball yowling loudly) 79 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:30,460 {\an8}Choremonkey to the rescue. 80 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,421 {\an8}Oh! Oh, thank you. 81 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:37,008 {\an8}I think this is the beginning of an unhealthy dependence. 82 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:38,051 {\an8}Aw. 83 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,302 {\an8}(Steely Dan's "Dirty Work" playing) 84 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:42,931 HOMER: ♪ I'm a fool to do my dirty work ♪ 85 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,099 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 86 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,479 ♪ I can hire all these nerdy jerks ♪ 87 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,606 ♪ For free ♪ 88 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,025 ♪ ♪ 89 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,195 (music fades out) 90 00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:00,949 ♪ I ain't gonna do my dirty work ♪ 91 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,076 ♪ No more ♪ 92 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,663 ♪ Gonna leave my socks and dirty shirt ♪ 93 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,539 ♪ On the floor ♪ 94 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,750 Homie, I don't like that the house 95 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,961 is full of strangers all the time. 96 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,128 And I-- wait, wait. 97 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,713 Why are you taking out your phone? 98 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,008 (gasps) No. Don't you Choremonkey me! 99 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,803 Sweetie, you know I'm no good at arguments, 100 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,554 so I brought in a professional. 101 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,973 Hello, ma'am, my name's Blake, 102 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,475 and I'm a retired FBI hostage negotiator. 103 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,561 I wouldn't say this is a hostage situation. 104 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:31,896 Mm, no one said it was, ma'am. 105 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,231 I'm just here to listen. 106 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,941 So that was step one-- listening. 107 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,150 Next, empathy. 108 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,152 I'm standing right here, you know. 109 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,988 Mm, it must be frustrating 110 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,156 for you to hear me talk like you're invisible. 111 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,659 It is. It is. 112 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,411 Step three-- I build a rapport. 113 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:49,289 You know, I love the color scheme in your home. 114 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,458 I feel like you're saying that just to build a rapport with me. 115 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,627 Wow, that's very observant. 116 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:55,837 Very wise. 117 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,588 Oh, well, thank you. 118 00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,133 -(softly) Nice. -This ain't my first rodeo. 119 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,176 Marge, right now I bet you wish 120 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,137 you were just back home in your kitchen. 121 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,055 I am back home in my kitchen! 122 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,349 Then life is good. Am I right? 123 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,767 Mm-hmm. You are. 124 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,270 While I'm here, could I also fix your icemaker? 125 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,689 Yes. Oh, yes. 126 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,733 Blake, I adore you. 127 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,569 Shh. It's over now. Go get some rest. 128 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,112 Hmm. 129 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,364 Homer, can we throw the ball around? 130 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,491 Oh, um... 131 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,827 By "we," I mean me and your chore monkey. 132 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,413 (chuckling) Oh, of course! Sure, buddy. 133 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,332 For you I'll get one without a criminal record. 134 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,792 Which means I'll have to use Choremonkey Gold. 135 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,210 (cash register dings) 136 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,422 Good one, Bart. (grunts) 137 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,216 Wait, are you Heisman Trophy-winner Matt Leinart? 138 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,426 Yep, I am. 139 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,886 And you need this job? 140 00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,929 Yeah, I haven't really been 141 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,265 smart with my money after football. 142 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,933 (air hisses) 143 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,186 But what about your broadcasting work? 144 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:56,564 Uh, sunk it all into my Thai-Irish fusion restaurant, 145 00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:57,982 Shamrock Spice. 146 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,320 (backup sensor beeping) 147 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:05,239 On the plus side, he taught me how to throw a perfect spiral. 148 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,783 -(grunts) -Yes! 149 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,284 Frozen rope, kiddo! 150 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,286 Aw, love you, man. 151 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,788 Ah, I love you. 152 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,957 Maybe I should play a little catch with my son now. 153 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,126 Whatever, Hoss, let's see what you got. 154 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,294 (grunts) 155 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,089 -FLANDERS: My zinnias! -(scoffs) Annuals. 156 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,673 Wait, please, just let me try again. 157 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,300 {\an8}(groans, coughs) 158 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,969 {\an8}Dad, you're embarrassing me in front of Matt Leinart. 159 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,972 -But... -Wow. You made that for me? 160 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,809 No, it used to be O.J.'s. Yeah, Little Juice. 161 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,936 (groans) Oh, stupid Choremonkey. 162 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,730 Another thing I overdo bites me in the butt. 163 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,732 (Leinart and Bart grunting) 164 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:42,860 (Homer moaning and whining) 165 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,237 HOMER: Uh-oh. 166 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,905 You're late. 167 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,865 There's no specified time, sir. 168 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,992 And you did receive progress alerts. 169 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,245 Whatever, fine. Just throw the damn ball. 170 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:56,040 -So, how was your day? -Pretty good. 171 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:59,419 I've thrown various balls with six different middle-aged men. 172 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,462 All right, stop talking, you're ruining it. 173 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,256 -(grunts) -Nice pass, sir. 174 00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:04,674 For someone your age. 175 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,300 Ju-- This isn't fun at all. 176 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,510 -I'm done. -Fine. 177 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,221 You know the monkeys also rate the customers. 178 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,558 Now everyone will know what kind of man you are. 179 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,143 Good-bye, Tyler. 180 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,602 Jerk. 181 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,480 "Jerk." Bart used to call me that. 182 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,107 (sobs) 183 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,779 Be careful, Dad. 184 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,240 Being careful is not going to get us on 185 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,117 America's Funniest Home Videos. 186 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,203 Now, when I nod, you pull the bottom brick out 187 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,997 and the wall falls on me. 188 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,082 Then call Vin Di Bona Productions, 189 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,375 then an ambulance. 190 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,919 Wait. Won't they know this video is fake? 191 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,338 Why would I be filming you making a wall? 192 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,257 Why didn't you bring these things up 193 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:47,592 at the production meeting? 194 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:49,010 Well, it's too late now! 195 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:50,761 Oh, great! 196 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,848 Dad, can I get you one of my children's Xanax? 197 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:57,226 What I need is that $10,000 prize. 198 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,354 Not $5,000. I already spent that on bricks. 199 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,689 Now pull that rope. 200 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,233 If I pull the rope and it kills you, 201 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,068 I'll need a lot of therapy. 202 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,279 I'm not gonna die, son. 203 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,073 Uh, but if I do, can you play "Nobody Does It Better" 204 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,075 at my funeral on the recorder? 205 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,911 I can't be a part of this. 206 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,455 Yeah, yeah, you're right. 207 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,208 {\an8}-Luann, help! -I'm in a hurry. 208 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,128 {\an8}Well, at least I got it on video. 209 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,171 {\an8}Delete. 210 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,590 {\an8}(groans) Ah, come on. 211 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,467 {\an8}NELSON: Haw-haw! 212 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,802 (knocking on door) 213 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,348 Dad, it's me. 214 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,935 What are you doing here? It's not pudding day. 215 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:42,271 (sighs) My son doesn't want to be with me anymore. 216 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,358 So you realize that's how you've treated me all these years 217 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,527 and you've come to apologize. 218 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,362 Look, Dad, I would visit more 219 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,822 if I hadn't put you in such a depressing place. 220 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,742 Whatever. I've got a real problem here. 221 00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:56,744 I'm gonna be a father again! 222 00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,704 My girlfriend's pregnant. 223 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,706 (gasps) That's insane! 224 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,626 I leave you alone for six months and this is what happens? 225 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,211 How did you even meet her? 226 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,672 Oh, this home just got the Internet 227 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:10,049 and everyone's using senior dating sites. 228 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,469 Gray Date, Friends with Social Security Benefits. 229 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,681 Everyone's making whoopee and hanky-panky. 230 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,057 A few are even having sex. 231 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,100 (whines) 232 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,435 You can't leave me. 233 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,896 We started a puzzle together. 234 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,815 My heart's bleeding. 235 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:29,735 Seriously. Please call 9-1-1. 236 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,701 Abraham Simpson. Are you skipping town on me? 237 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,161 No, no. I like you. 238 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,080 It's the baby I'm skipping town on. 239 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,665 You don't want our baby? 240 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:46,127 Before you judge me, look where my DNA leads. 241 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,255 I'm fine. (grunts) 242 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:50,464 Hmm. 243 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,049 I think he's sweet. 244 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,968 Would he like to play with my keys? 245 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,971 I am a normal person, and yes. 246 00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,723 All right, I'll man up. 247 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,766 But remember, men of my generation 248 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,227 don't change a diaper, attend a birth, 249 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,230 or talk to the child before he's drafted. 250 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,482 I couldn't ask for more. 251 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,817 (rattling) 252 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,321 I thought you just rolled. 253 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,072 -Those were my knees. -(rattling) 254 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,407 Rent six dollars?! 255 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,993 You can't even buy a Monopoly set for that. 256 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,203 (chuckles) Great commentary, Bart. 257 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,456 -Love you, man. -I love you. 258 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,375 -Hi, I'm Matt. -Milhouse. 259 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,960 I'm Bart's best friend. 260 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,880 Aw, sounds like someone wants an autograph. 261 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,549 I do. Who are you? 262 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,010 I misspelled my name. But that makes it worth more. 263 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,054 Come on, Leinart, get your head in the game. 264 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,889 Bart, I got a straight up swap. 265 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:42,308 How 'bout I give you Boardwalk and Park Place, 266 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:43,726 and you give me Ventnor? 267 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,103 -That's crazy talk. -Oh, yeah? 268 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,230 What "History of Board Games" class did you take 269 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,774 when you were in college? 270 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:52,693 My friend, you have a deal. 271 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:55,905 You got Chance. 272 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,573 "Take a walk on the Boardwalk," 273 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,284 which I now own, and you're bankrupt, and I win. 274 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,370 Wow, you beat me at every game, 275 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,580 even Heisman Trophy Trivial Pursuit. 276 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,749 Oh! Can I play Bart next? 277 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,126 {\an8}I carry my own little top hat with me. 278 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,127 {\an8}Oh. 279 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:11,420 {\an8}Is this guy bothering you, Bart? 280 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,089 {\an8}I'll make sure he finds the door. 281 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,300 (gasps) Could you throw me out in a perfect spiral? 282 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,761 I can walk you out in a straight line. 283 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:22,056 Wow! No one's gonna believe that at school. 284 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,058 (cackles) 285 00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,559 Huh? 286 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,355 {\an8}(Bart thinking) "Always let him win"? 287 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,232 {\an8}"Don't let him see this sheet"? 288 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,484 {\an8}He called me the greatest receiver he'd ever thrown to. 289 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,486 {\an8}Was that a lie, too? 290 00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,405 LEINART: Get out there. 291 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,115 Hey, Mr. Simpson. 292 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,700 Hey, Milk Dud. 293 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,452 Uh, listen, I got to go change the oil in my car. 294 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,287 Don't you want to get a Choremonkey? 295 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,580 They cut me off. 296 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,791 I never dreamed when I gave 'em my credit card number 297 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,710 that they would charge me. 298 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,294 You could help me out if you want. 299 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,879 I have an old shirt you could wear. 300 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,715 An old shirt! Wow! 301 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,384 My dad doesn't have any of those. 302 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:03,806 Wow. Anyone ever tell you that you're excellent at gluing? 303 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:04,974 Um, no. 304 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:08,185 And your rubber cement boogers were very convincing. 305 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,146 Look, I know you're doing this because you have to. 306 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,731 How would you like it if the other team 307 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,107 had just let you win all the time? 308 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,734 That would have been really great. 309 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:15,735 (cell phone buzzes) 310 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,570 Listen, I have another Choremonkey job. 311 00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,612 I'll see you around. 312 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,115 -(grunts) -(shouts, grunts) 313 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,784 Huh? Huh. Hmm. 314 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,455 Wait, I don't think a bouncer throws people into a bar. 315 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,415 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just bounce, all right? 316 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:30,624 I'll tell you which way. 317 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:33,377 LEINART: Get in there. (sputters) Ralph. 318 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,671 Yay! I'm a touchdown. 319 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,506 (Milhouse laughs) 320 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,091 {\an8}Boop! (laughs) 321 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,552 {\an8}Look who's a greasy guy! (laughs) 322 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:44,513 {\an8}Now you're greasy, too! (laughs) 323 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,932 {\an8}-Look at you. -(laughs) 324 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,559 {\an8}Bloop, bloop. 325 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:51,312 {\an8}Well, hello, Tony Stark. 326 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:53,689 {\an8}We've never had fun like that in my whole life. 327 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,859 {\an8}Oh, look! The engine block pizza is almost done. 328 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,277 (sizzling) 329 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,987 (gasps) Engine block pizza? 330 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,655 Car food is our thing. 331 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,032 Careful you don't burn your mouth. 332 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,576 Oh. He never warns me. 333 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,248 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Vijay Singh has chosen a seven iron 334 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:14,710 for his approach here at the fifth on St Andrews. 335 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,170 (siren wails) 336 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,297 BART: My zombies have got you now. 337 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,633 -(cackles) -Mm. 338 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,468 What's the matter? Aren't you into the game? 339 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,136 Uh, yeah, yeah. 340 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,972 (dramatic music playing onscreen) 341 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,099 -(groaning) -(whirring) 342 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,145 Good luck with that zombie Bing Crosby! 343 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,772 B-B-B-Brains. 344 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,732 (shouting) 345 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,402 Eh, I won. Whoo-hoo. 346 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,154 Huh? Didn't seem like you were too excited 347 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,656 when you sliced me in half. 348 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,574 It's just hard when you think you're gonna be slicing 349 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,160 the same boy in half all your life. 350 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,495 Uh-huh... 351 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,580 Well, I guess I'd better get to work. 352 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,583 On a Friday? 353 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,377 (hums) 354 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,128 Why are you wearing a fishing hat? 355 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,214 (gasps) Are you going fishing without me? 356 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,967 (whimpers) What is happening with us? 357 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,387 If you've got something to say, just say it. 358 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,055 Unless it's boring. 359 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,890 Is there someone else? 360 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:13,769 Oh! Spare me your melodramata! 361 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,521 (huffs) 362 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,901 ♪ ♪ 363 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,989 (tires screech) 364 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,325 Marge, I can't have a baby. 365 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:31,245 Coordinating our sleep schedules will be a nightmare. 366 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:35,040 Plus, the only good relationship I ever had was with my hat. 367 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,293 Then the wind blew it away. 368 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,170 You didn't have a good relationship with your father? 369 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,171 Hmm. 370 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,965 (instrumental of "Turkey in the Straw" plays) 371 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,050 Come here, sweet pea, give me a burp. 372 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,343 Youse can do it. 373 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,304 -(chortling) -(burps) 374 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,556 Aah! Youse got milk on me! 375 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,182 I'll murdalize ya! 376 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,767 (grunts) 377 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,353 (sizzles) 378 00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,899 Oh... 379 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,568 that was before throwin' your baby into the sun 380 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,778 was considered child abuse. 381 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,907 So you see, Simpson men just don't... 382 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,617 Wait a minute! 383 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,535 (both laughing) 384 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:14,079 Now yank the hook out 385 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,374 and throw him back because we're humane. 386 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,588 {\an8}(growling) 387 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,215 I've never seen Homer and Bart so close. 388 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:28,844 Maybe I can finally be a good dad. 389 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,931 -That's not Bart. -Don't ruin my epiphany! 390 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,682 ♪ ♪ 391 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,851 -(sizzling) -Hey, Mr. Van Houten. 392 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,853 Oh, hey, Bart. Milhouse isn't here. 393 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,605 I know. And I don't care. 394 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,816 {\an8}Are you making envelope soup? 395 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,735 Envelope soup? (chuckles) 396 00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,278 That'd be silly. 397 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,072 No, I'm stamp mining. 398 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:50,824 You steam off the stamp, color in the postmark, 399 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,576 and you just made half a dollar. 400 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,412 Almost. Want to try? 401 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,750 Careful! That's a forever stamp! 402 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,752 Could be worth a fortune someday. 403 00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:02,962 Well done. 404 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,463 And look at me. 405 00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:06,715 I'm hangin' out with Bart Simpson. 406 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,342 That's so cool. 407 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:10,844 I can't wait till Wendell sees us hangin' out. 408 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,137 Oh, hey. 409 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,558 Oh, I built it up too much. 410 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,893 (crickets chirping) 411 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,062 ♪ What do you do with a drunken Homer? ♪ 412 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,897 ♪ Make him watch "Hunt for Red October" ♪ 413 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,024 ♪ Let him drive in a lunar rover ♪ 414 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,110 ♪ Tickle his nose with a... ♪ Oh, hi, Marge. 415 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:29,279 Homer, why were you fishing with Milhouse? 416 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,408 Because for once, I'm with a kid who respects me. 417 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,410 One who doesn't call me Homer. 418 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,370 I didn't know that bothered you. 419 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:38,122 It does. A lot. 420 00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,498 Oh, Homer. 421 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,291 Feels good when you say it. 422 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,751 Homer. 423 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,378 Ah... 424 00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:46,505 Honey, maybe you should talk to Bart. 425 00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:48,090 He's just behind that wall. 426 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,550 BART: Yeah, Homer! 427 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,010 Get your fat ass over here! 428 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,261 You see? You see?! 429 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,096 It's not bad enough he calls me Homer. 430 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,598 He calls my buttocks "ass." 431 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,143 Hmm. He probably learned that at school. 432 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,769 You bet your ass he did. 433 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,604 Maybe you and Lisa can talk to him. 434 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:05,315 Lisa and I aren't speaking right now. 435 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,068 I can't believe you threw away my Utne Readers! 436 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,529 MARGE: Oh, is that how you pronounce it? 437 00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,239 (Lisa groans) 438 00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:15,576 (birds singing) 439 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:18,912 For most of my child's life, I'll be gone. 440 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,417 When you're cremated, you feel it! 441 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,127 Warn everyone! 442 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,046 Aah. 443 00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:31,300 Oh, Abe, hi. 444 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,926 I-I was about to call you. 445 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,928 -I had an ultrasound today. -But... 446 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,805 ♪ ♪ 447 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,475 -Does this mean... -Yep, I'm the father. 448 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,852 And I thought she was just using me for a beard. 449 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,104 (gasps) 450 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,190 ♪ ♪ 451 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,736 I'm so sorry, Abe. 452 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,030 Well, I just want to say... 453 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,657 Yes! I can't raise my left arm, 454 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,367 much less a child! 455 00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:01,205 Yippee! Not having kids keeps you young! 456 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:04,041 Oh, I knew you'd come back! 457 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:10,839 (Bart clears throat) 458 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,549 -Kirk. -Homer. 459 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,218 -Dad. -Fat Ass. 460 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,136 That is not my name! 461 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,763 Mm, mm, mm! 462 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,389 Let's roll. 463 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,478 Can't let 'em catch us. 464 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,234 ♪ ♪ 465 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,824 I can't take the pressure! 466 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,244 -(gasps) -(tires screech) 467 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,829 Son, I'm so sorry! 468 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,580 I'm getting rid of this stupid stop sign 469 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,916 before it hurts somebody else! 470 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,001 (grunts) 471 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,838 -(tires screech) -(horns honk) 472 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,464 I'm sorry, too, Dad. 473 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,091 (gasps) You called me Dad! 474 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,884 There's a first time for everything. 475 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,511 Also, a last. 476 00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,471 Milhouse, I'd be lying 477 00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,224 if I said riding in a go-cart with Bart Simpson 478 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,101 wasn't the highlight of my life, 479 00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,520 but you're my son, and I love you. 480 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,272 I love you, too, Dad. 481 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,941 You're my favorite guy that Mom's brought home. 482 00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:12,276 Aw... 483 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,820 Last one home is a rotten father! 484 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,781 Those aren't yours to keep! 485 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,325 They take them out of our pay! 486 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,870 HOMER: We'll bring them back when we get tired of them! 487 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,289 Oh, that never happens. 488 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,626 But, Chief, I... I don't think those vehicles 489 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,004 are certified for highway use. 490 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,006 Yeah, well, I don't think you're certified 491 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:37,384 to understand the relationship between a father and son, Lou. 492 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,636 Yeah, well, I have a son-- he lives in Baltimore. 493 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,346 What do you want, a parade, Lou? 494 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,643 Listen, Maggie-- can I call you Maggie? 495 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,813 Is there a way I can get you to put that pacifier down? 496 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,149 (chuckles) Oh, don't worry. 497 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:54,109 I'll be here as long as it takes. 498 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,029 You know, if you cooperate, 499 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,781 I can talk to your mother about a reduced time out. 500 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,619 {\an8}Look, you wanted a helicopter, 501 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,537 {\an8}I got you a helicopter. 502 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,541 Okay, I've got your nose, 503 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,001 and if you want to see your nose again, 504 00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,045 you'll give me that pacifier! 505 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,390 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Swing and a miss! Strike two. 506 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,643 Sanchez batting .269. 507 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,395 Fun fact-- his father was one of those soccer players 508 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,774 who ate his teammate after a plane crashed in the Andes. 509 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,984 Look at him bite at the high fastball. 510 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,071 ♪ ♪ 511 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,152 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 512 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,950 Subtitled by A. Vandelay