1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:06,214 (women vocalizing) 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,675 HOMER: In my younger and more vulnerable years, 3 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,760 my father gave me some advice. 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,054 He said, "The laziest way to tell a story 5 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,932 is through voice-over narration." 6 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,892 With that in mind, I tell the tale 7 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,354 of the tragic collision between the last tycoon of the Jazz Age 8 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:24,691 and the king of a hip-hop empire. 9 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,109 It began with an old man 10 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,945 {\an8}feeling like his best years had passed him by. 11 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,447 {\an8}(sighs) 12 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,740 {\an8}You seem glum, sir. 13 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,283 {\an8}How about a blood transfusion? 14 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,909 {\an8}We have some new small batch, 15 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,286 {\an8}single donor plasmas. 16 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,288 {\an8}Mmm. Better make it a double. 17 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:42,709 {\an8}Hmm. My life used to be so lively, so full of excitement. 18 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,919 {\an8}♪♪ 19 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,463 {\an8}WOMEN: ♪ Monty! ♪ 20 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,758 {\an8}BURNS: Such shindigs I threw at my summer estate. 21 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,760 {\an8}In an age of shameful excess, 22 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:54,846 {\an8}my parties were legendary for their magnificent excess. 23 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,557 {\an8}Fortunes were won and lost at my tables. 24 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,851 {\an8}Affairs were launched on my dance floor 25 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,853 {\an8}and consummated on my floor-floor. 26 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,731 {\an8}Sultans mingled with Sultans of Swat. 27 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,483 {\an8}MAN: ♪ Monty! ♪ 28 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:07,859 {\an8}(cheering) 29 00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,445 {\an8}BURNS: And presiding over it all was me, 30 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:13,239 {\an8}-Monogram Monty Burns. -MAN: ♪ Monty! ♪ 31 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,158 {\an8}(groans) 32 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,493 {\an8}Well... 33 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,996 {\an8}what if we throw a classic shindig 34 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,998 {\an8}at your old summer place? 35 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,083 {\an8}Why, yes. 36 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,667 {\an8}A beachside bacchanal 37 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,503 {\an8}just like the Roaring Twenties. 38 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,797 {\an8}That'll put the Cole back in my Porter. 39 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,466 {\an8}What fun. 40 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,176 {\an8}Now, I have 45 close friends 41 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,261 {\an8}who are all pretty amazing party planners. 42 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:36,429 {\an8}I'm not squandering money 43 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,015 {\an8}on some chap to bring in a photo booth. 44 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,934 {\an8}I'll take care of every detail myself. 45 00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,185 {\an8}Everything, sir? 46 00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,187 {\an8}Oh, fine. You can fetch the ice. 47 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,106 {\an8}Okay. How many bags? 48 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,359 {\an8}Oh, no. None of those pricey store-bought cubes. 49 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,194 {\an8}Now, you head up to Northern Canada 50 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,363 {\an8}and get me a quarter ton of lake ice. 51 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,532 {\an8}Hand-sawn and tong-carried. 52 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,534 {\an8}Risk my life in the arctic wilderness 53 00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,452 {\an8}just to bring you some ice. 54 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,204 {\an8}It would be an honor. 55 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,832 {\an8}Would you like it packed in cedar sawdust or Spanish oak? 56 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,875 {\an8}Oh, who cares? Ice is ice. 57 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,294 {\an8}It says Mega Stuff on the package, 58 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,380 {\an8}but these are Double Stuff at best. 59 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,173 {\an8}(licking) 60 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,301 {\an8}Send me a free tub of Stuff and I'll shut down my website. 61 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,053 {\an8}Mmm. 62 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,472 {\an8}Simpson, you seem fairly popular, 63 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,267 {\an8}at least based on the cheers you got at employee karaoke night. 64 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,145 {\an8}It's not me, it's "Mustang Sally." 65 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,729 Mr. Burns is throwing a little party, 66 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,150 and most of his invitees are either dead or fictional. 67 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,402 Uh, to, uh, well, fill out the crowd, 68 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,571 uh, perhaps you could, uh, distribute these invitations 69 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,906 to your more, uh, presentable friends. 70 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,534 I know just who to invite. 71 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,244 -You're not invited. -To what? 72 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,247 None of your business! 73 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,874 All right. 74 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,876 MARGE: "Your esteemed presence is requested 75 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,420 for an evening of madcap magic and mischief 76 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,256 at Monty Burns' Middle Hampton estate." 77 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,217 The card stock is so thick. 78 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:59,220 Bart, get in here and feel this stock. 79 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,806 Oh, man, that's heavy. 80 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,391 The Springfield Hamptons? 81 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,101 That's on Lengthy Island, 82 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,645 where rich people hang out on summer weekends. 83 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:12,025 {\an8}I know all about it from cartoons in literary magazines. 84 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,569 HOMER: I'm not reading all that. 85 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,779 Well, now to select the perfect guest list 86 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,575 of our city's sharpest wits and glittering socialites. 87 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,660 (car alarms blaring, Homer whistling) 88 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,961 Boy, oh, boy, a '20s shindig at Old Man Burnsie's. 89 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,796 Probably gonna be bathtubs full of shrimp 90 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,757 and Jacuzzis full of brisket. 91 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,177 Maybe I'll meet a rich bachelor who will sweep me off my feet. 92 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,803 -How do I smell? -(sniffs) 93 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,932 Like a wood fire put out by dumping coffee on it. 94 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,767 Oh! Perfect. 95 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,060 Hey, everyone, hey! 96 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,811 I'm off-duty, so please 97 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,105 don't feel weird doing drugs in front of me. 98 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,815 Uh, or with me. (chuckles) 99 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,817 I became a cop too young. 100 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,402 I never lived. 101 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,279 I didn't live. 102 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,615 HOMER: And so I entered a world of wealth. 103 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,533 Where mansions are called "cottages." 104 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,536 And getting drunk on a boat is called "sailing." 105 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,040 (all gasping) 106 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,628 {\an8}HOMER: Get ready for fancy. 107 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,713 (indistinct chatter) 108 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,594 I don't see any magic. 109 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,513 And not a hint of mischief. 110 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,098 Off-brand Ritz cracker? 111 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,349 Salt pile? 112 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,850 Nothing in a blanket? 113 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,770 {\an8}Dad, did Mr. Burns cheap out? 114 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,272 That's impossible. 115 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,440 He's the richest man in town. 116 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,526 If I had known this was a cash bar, 117 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,612 I would've gotten wasted beforehand! 118 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,364 At my sister's house! 119 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,784 (fanfare plays) 120 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,369 Welcome, honored guests. 121 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,663 Leave your inhibitions at the door. 122 00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,331 And write your name on your drink cup, 123 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,708 you will not receive a second. 124 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,043 (muttering) 125 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,964 Now, dance the night away on my vintage 1920s parquet floor. 126 00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,465 The cleaning of which is not cheap, 127 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,968 {\an8}so be sure to don your protective booties. 128 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:04,804 (Moe grunting) 129 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:10,184 Look, Mr. Burns, nobody loves a party with rules more than I do. 130 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,645 Even I'm baffled by the toilet payment system. 131 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,355 Oh, it's simple, bring the chit 132 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,566 from the applicable restroom to the purser... 133 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,360 You might've been fun 100 years ago, Burnsie, 134 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,154 but now you're a cheap, old lamewad. 135 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,906 And trust me, I know cheap. 136 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,742 That's right, I bought a suit, 137 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,828 Xeroxed it, returned it, and wore the copy. 138 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,538 -(grunts) -(guests groaning) 139 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,207 -Waste of my time. -Why is everyone leaving? 140 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,084 Of course, no ice. 141 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,045 Mm, that lazy Smithers is probably 142 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,005 sipping hot buttered rum in a ski chalet 143 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,715 overlooking Lake Louise. 144 00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,216 (grunting frantically) 145 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,803 (growls) 146 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,473 Ah. 147 00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,725 Uh-oh. 148 00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,560 Aw. 149 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,312 (growls) 150 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,605 -(brays) -(Smithers screams) 151 00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:58,316 (crying) 152 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,779 Hey, Mr. Burns, fun party. 153 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,531 No one felt any pressure to talk or laugh 154 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,408 or stay past 7:30. 155 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,994 -Super chill. -Oh, hush. 156 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,873 I'm a worn-out old miser who's forgotten the meaning of fun. 157 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,291 (gasps) 158 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,251 Great Gatsby! 159 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,836 What is that? 160 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,880 (music and chatter in distance) 161 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,299 Someone else is having a party across the bay. 162 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,134 (chuckles) Once I would've thought nothing 163 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,553 of rowing across the water and crashing that party. 164 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,972 All doors would open for Monogram Monty. 165 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,016 That was a long time ago. 166 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,478 Aw, I'll row you over. 167 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,105 How hard could it be? 168 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,023 (Homer gasping for air) 169 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,274 Oh, so hard. 170 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,692 Would it help if I whipped you? 171 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:42,985 Maybe. 172 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,612 Yeah, a little. 173 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,280 Yeah, yeah. 174 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,490 (grunting) 175 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,575 Yeah. (grunting) 176 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,830 ♪ ♪ 177 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,126 Oh, it's a white party. 178 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,128 Just the kind I used to throw. 179 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,004 Although we interpreted the theme a bit differently 180 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,464 in those days. 181 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,966 ♪ Aah! ♪ 182 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,468 ♪ Got a whole lot of money, got a whole lot of money... ♪ 183 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,179 Mm, whoever is throwing this magnificent to-do 184 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,557 knows how to enjoy their wealth. 185 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:13,808 ♪ Got a whole lot of money ♪ 186 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,727 Ooh, excessive. 187 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,813 Tell me, where can I find our host? 188 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,314 I haven't met him. 189 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,483 No one has ever met him. 190 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,985 He doesn't exist. 191 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,403 Oh, he's upstairs in his office. 192 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,114 ♪ ♪ 193 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:31,659 Ooh. 194 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:35,037 Are you the host of this incredible soiree? 195 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,165 I must tell you, it's the most incandescent, 196 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,416 most dazzling... 197 00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,126 My name is Jay G. 198 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:42,211 And nobody crashes my party. 199 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,006 Not even you nobodies. 200 00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:46,507 (guns cock, Homer and Burns gasp) 201 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,758 Let's go, Mr. Burns. 202 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,343 What did you say? 203 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,429 Mr. Burns and I were just leaving. 204 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:55,433 Are you Montgomery Burns, the despised billionaire? 205 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,602 Well, that's what my cufflinks say. 206 00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:01,063 There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, 207 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,065 you ruthless monster. 208 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,400 (whimpers) 209 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,528 -I love you. -(gasps) 210 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:16,412 I can't believe I'm meeting the Monty Burns. 211 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,247 How do you know me? 212 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,417 You're the dude who wrote The Rungs of Ruthlessness. 213 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,253 (chuckles) Yes, back then they'd give a book contract 214 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,673 to any CEO with a power tie and a bonsai tree. 215 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,383 When I was a boy, I found a copy 216 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,260 left on the seat of a bus I stole. 217 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,931 And after I read it, I knew I'd jacked my last courtesy shuttle. 218 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,350 Your book became my bible. 219 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:40,019 "Every empire needs an emblem." See? 220 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:41,687 There you told me to find a symbol 221 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,272 to represent my brand. 222 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,899 And there he is, 223 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,693 the living logo of Golden Goose Records, 224 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,946 -Goosius. -(honks) 225 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,241 You make me believe I can fly. 226 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,117 Goosius is on everything 227 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,953 from my cognac-flavored vodka 228 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,622 to the brake pads I coproduced with Lil Wayne. 229 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:04,794 Aw, he eats the same way I do, 230 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,546 without swallowing. 231 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,757 You've flown south for the winter with my heart. 232 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,342 -(honks) -Ow! 233 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,053 I hope this bite never heals. 234 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,888 When I wrote an advice book, I never dreamed 235 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,431 it would help anyone. 236 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,476 Everything I am I owe to you. 237 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,896 And a little bit to Baz Luhrmann. 238 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,399 ♪ When I was born, our cupboards were barren ♪ 239 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,568 ♪ Now I'm inside of a blue McLaren ♪ 240 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:29,610 ♪ Blue McLaren? ♪ 241 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,196 ♪ They all be starin' 'cause he's a hip-hop Vanderbilt ♪ 242 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,282 ♪ I'm so established, my life is fabulous ♪ 243 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,158 ♪ Sugar trust ♪ 244 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,953 ♪ ♪ 245 00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:42,331 This. This is what I thought I'd never have again. 246 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,375 Well, then good news, Monty. 247 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,794 This is your party. 248 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,134 HOMER: And so was forged the most unlikely of friendships. 249 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,261 A man who discovered Rick Ross 250 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,264 and a man who dated Betsy Ross. 251 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:01,350 The next day, my family explored Middle Hampton. 252 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,227 A wonderland of boutiques 253 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,687 paid for by rich husbands 254 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,856 wanting to keep their wives busy. 255 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,649 Mainly second wives. 256 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:12,236 WOMEN: ♪ Hampton, ah, Hampton ♪ 257 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,947 What kind of crazy flavors are these? 258 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,617 Quince jelly and pepper? Market greens? 259 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,201 Bone broth brittle? 260 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,703 I don't know what this place hates more, 261 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,163 kids or ice cream. 262 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,498 Really, man, a 3 Series? 263 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,209 I mean, what is he, a sophomore at Exeter? 264 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,378 Yeah, one cup of salted caramel. 265 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,340 Woo-woo-woo, scoop with the stripe, stupid. 266 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,716 (chuckling) I mean... 267 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,301 That kid just cut in line. 268 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,136 Are you gonna let him do that? 269 00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,804 That's Blake Black. 270 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,765 His dad runs BlackLake Investments. 271 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:41,724 So? 272 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,684 Richest dad rules? 273 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,227 Everyone knows that. 274 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,646 Well, I don't. 275 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,022 Don't misunderstand me, 276 00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:50,566 Mats Wilander may have been a decent player, 277 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,903 but until his inglés gets just a little bit better, 278 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,404 he can coach somebody else. 279 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,697 Pardon me a second. 280 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,699 What is it, head points, what? 281 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,244 Just because your father has money doesn't mean you can cut. 282 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,747 Hmm, it kind of looks like it does. 283 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,416 All right, I'll tell you what-- because I am a nice guy, 284 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,211 I am going to pay for everyone's cones. 285 00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,672 Is that okay? Does that make it okay? 286 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:13,881 -Yeah! -Yes! 287 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:14,924 No! 288 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,676 I would never accept ice cream 289 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,012 from someone whose manners are in the bottom one percent! 290 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,305 (gasping) 291 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,640 Boom. 292 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,184 So, hey, hi. 293 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:26,602 Are you going to the Allens' 294 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,104 hot-dog-and-horseshoes thing later? 295 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,105 No. 296 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,149 -The Forstmans' firefly thing? -No. 297 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,110 The Olins' jellyfish fry thing? 298 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,570 I'm not going to any things at all! 299 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,907 But I want to, um, hang out. 300 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,492 What? Why? 301 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,577 I've never met anyone like you before. 302 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,871 Anyone with, you know, I don't know, um, 303 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,248 morals. 304 00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:48,624 Oh. (giggles) 305 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,335 Well, I guess it is a little judgy of me 306 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,004 to be completely disgusted by you. 307 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,632 Great, I'll set something up. Erin, are you on? 308 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,427 Okay, I need to bail on the Kravises' freeze tag thing. 309 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,053 No, I know, I have to. 310 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,638 Send the big basket. 311 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,181 What's wrong, honey? 312 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,850 Lisa's got a rich boyfriend, 313 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,144 Dad's hanging out with a hip-hop super producer, 314 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,603 and I'm stuck window-shopping 315 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:12,440 with you two fun-sucking stink buckets. 316 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:13,858 It's not fair! 317 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,484 Life's not fair, kid. 318 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,902 Do I know you? 319 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,071 If life was fair, you would know me. 320 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,574 But know this-- Jay G ain't all that. 321 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:24,493 -What do you mean? -Buy a candle and I'll tell you. 322 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,288 -What's your cheapest one? -$55. 323 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:30,666 No way. I could start a fire in the woods for nothing. 324 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,669 HOMER: So Bart met someone who I think comes back later. 325 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,421 I forget why. 326 00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,507 Hmm. Who would have thought two billionaire Republicans 327 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,177 from such different backgrounds could end up as chums? 328 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,346 Is not green a more powerful color than black or white? 329 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,349 The Lord picks a select few to accumulate more money 330 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,684 than anyone else. 331 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,103 You and I bear that sacred avarice. 332 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:54,190 Each of my enterprises has its own G6. 333 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,066 What's that one? 334 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,860 That's for my... (chuckles) 335 00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,779 personal horticulturalist. 336 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,489 (chuckling) You know what I'm sayin'? 337 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:02,865 I don't. 338 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,628 You seem to get so much joy out of your money. 339 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:16,837 I envy you. 340 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,298 You've given me so much, Monty. 341 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:23,135 Let me give you something back-- the freedom to live large. 342 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,014 A charge plate? 343 00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:30,100 I've never had one of those newfangled swipe-a-ma-jigs. 344 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:33,229 It's an Obsidian Card, the most exclusive. 345 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,898 No spending limit, no store has ever heard of it. 346 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,067 But they have to accept it. 347 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,444 Take it if you want to roll like G. 348 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,199 -Don't forget to sign it. -Oh, right. 349 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,077 No, no, not a felt-tip. Oh! It'll smudge. 350 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,037 Okay, quick, blow on it to dry the ink. 351 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,123 (both blowing) 352 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,337 Blake, I have to say, 353 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:02,132 this whale watch was a very thoughtful idea. 354 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,594 (gasps) Oh, it's a whole family. 355 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,638 But they're so far away. 356 00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,266 Far? Babe, when you whale watch with me, 357 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,934 you sit pod-side. 358 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,311 Fellas! What can we do here? 359 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,108 This way, the whales know we are VIPs. 360 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,776 Um, where's the baby? 361 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,152 There's supposed to be a baby. 362 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,612 I paid for a calf. 363 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,781 Does that mean anything? 364 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,243 Whale-copters? VIP pod-view? 365 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,828 This is awful! 366 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,539 Well, if we went on some lame econo-watch, 367 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,624 we might not see blowhole one. 368 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,252 I mean, what are you saying? Are you hearing yourself? 369 00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,713 Blake, I really believed you could change. 370 00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:43,591 And you did, you became even more horrible! 371 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,677 {\an8}(singing) 372 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,637 (grunts) 373 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,931 These aren't VIP emotions. 374 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,892 This is worse than the time I had to eat 375 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,643 grocery store sushi. 376 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,479 The shiso leaf was plastic! 377 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,106 (crying) It was plastic! 378 00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,525 JAY: You got to buy it, M.B., it's fate. 379 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,447 Oh, I don't know. 380 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,283 $100,000 feels like a lot of money. 381 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,826 You've got to splash the cash, 382 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,120 fling the bling, spill them bills. 383 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,706 It don't matter, just splatter the batter. 384 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,875 Splash the cash. 385 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,376 (grunting) 386 00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,632 Monogram Monty is back! 387 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,300 {\an8}♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪ 388 00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:27,718 ♪ A whole lot of money ♪ 389 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,261 -♪ What you want? ♪ -♪ A whole lot of money ♪ 390 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,679 -♪ I got ♪ -♪ A who-whole lot of money ♪ 391 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,680 -(honks) -♪ How much? ♪ 392 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,890 ♪ A whole lot of money ♪ 393 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,141 ♪ Whole lot ♪ 394 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,351 -♪ What's up? ♪ -♪ Over here ♪ 395 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,186 -♪ What's up? ♪ -♪ Over there ♪ 396 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,064 (bell clangs) 397 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,316 ♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪ 398 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:43,734 ♪ A whole lot of money ♪ 399 00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,486 -♪ What you want? ♪ -♪ A whole lot of money ♪ 400 00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:47,655 ♪ I got it ♪ 401 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,281 -(honking) -♪ When the night come on ♪ 402 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,451 ♪ I already know what time it is ♪ 403 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,619 ♪ She gon' drop ♪ 404 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,373 Now, what are you generous folks willing to pay 405 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,708 for a basketball lesson with Charles Barkley? 406 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,961 $10,000. $20,000. $30,000. 407 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,379 Do I hear $50,000? 408 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,048 $1 million. (whoops) 409 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,634 M.B., if you could only feel what I feel right now... 410 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,971 AUCTIONEER: $1 million, going once, going twice... 411 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,764 -$10 million! -(crowd gasps) 412 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:14,932 Sold! 413 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,684 I just spent more money then I know 414 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,352 on something I don't even want. 415 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,605 And it's the greatest feeling I've ever had! 416 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,024 (grunts weakly) 417 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,276 Still better than Shaq. 418 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,241 HOMER: Mr. Burns was living the high life, 419 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,577 splurging on every luxury, even the ultimate indulgence-- 420 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,706 useless hangers-on like me. 421 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,543 Noice. 422 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,754 To think, all the years I wasted without a posse. 423 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,548 Good-bye, loneliness. 424 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,633 We get all this stuff just for letting Mr. Burns 425 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,260 beat us in mini golf. 426 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,636 (chuckling) What a deal! 427 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,805 My whole job is to not make eye contact with him. 428 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,102 I thought I'd get tired of window-shopping 429 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:03,230 in this fancy little town, but it ain't happening. 430 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,442 {\an8}A chessboard where the pieces are lipsticks! 431 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,485 {\an8}-(gasps) -(groans) 432 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,656 (gasps) A horse show! 433 00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:16,410 (gasps) A protest! 434 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,828 Huh? 435 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,497 Blake, is that you? 436 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,082 What happened to your privilege? 437 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,251 -I checked it. -(gasps) 438 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,919 {\an8}Lisa, when you rejected me, 439 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,464 {\an8}I knew I had to do whatever it took 440 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,965 {\an8}to become worthy of you. 441 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,177 {\an8}This now runs on solar power and falafel. 442 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,262 Now, that's sustainable! 443 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,473 I've dedicated my entire allowance 444 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,933 to Trustafarians for Horse Justice. 445 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,144 Here's an upside down bucket for you to drum on. 446 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,146 Well, what girl could say no 447 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,774 to a socially conscious drum circle? 448 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,150 {\an8}Yo, lamp dress, 449 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,320 {\an8}I've got all access paddock passes to the horse show. 450 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,822 {\an8}Check out these sweet mane combs. 451 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,283 {\an8}I can get you up close to the horses 452 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,702 {\an8}for primo grooming time. 453 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,454 ALL: Combing is murder! 454 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:02,331 Combing is murder! 455 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,625 BOY: Primo grooming time. 456 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:07,127 HOMER: The test of a first-rate intelligence 457 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,296 is the ability to hold two opposing ideas 458 00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,131 in the mind at the same time 459 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,842 and still retain the ability to function. 460 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,929 Horsey, horsey, horsey, horsey, horsey! 461 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,352 For her, I gave up what meant most to me-- 462 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,229 being a douche. 463 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:34,822 Mr. Burns, your bill came from the Obsidian Card. 464 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:36,990 Are you sure you're not spending too much money? 465 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,492 Hush, you sound like Smithers. 466 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,828 Where is that loafer with my ice? 467 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,664 (Smithers grunting, ringtone playing) 468 00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,296 (ringing stops) 469 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,966 (groaning) 470 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,387 -(horn honks) -Fill her up! 471 00:18:58,470 --> 00:18:59,555 And make it snappy. 472 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,056 My best pal and I are going shopping 473 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,600 for those yachts that have little submarines in them. 474 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,477 Sir, your card was declined. 475 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,063 (laughs) Goulash! Absolute goulash! 476 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,481 It's linked to my bank account. 477 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,067 I'd have to be penniless before that card didn't work. 478 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,736 Well, then that means you're broke. 479 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,322 Broke? (chuckles anxiously) Me? 480 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,575 Broke? Me? 481 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,910 Yes, I'm afraid I have to destroy your card. 482 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,079 Good luck. It's tempered titanium 483 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,914 and coated with powdered diamond. 484 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,505 ♪ I ain't got no money ♪ 485 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,591 ♪ I ain't got no money ♪ 486 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,845 {\an8}MOE: Don't take it. 487 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:43,265 {\an8}This car leased in someone else's name is who I am! 488 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,518 My entire fortune, spent and gone. 489 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,104 I splashed all my cash. 490 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,023 Don't be so hard on yourself. 491 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,691 It was your first credit card. 492 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,944 And I handled it as well as a freshman at Michigan State! 493 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,615 Mr. Burns, I think Jay wanted you to bankrupt yourself. 494 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,200 Why would you say such a thing? 495 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,619 {\an8}It's number one on the charts. 496 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,370 {\an8}♪ ♪ 497 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,788 {\an8}♪ Used to be the man, Burns ♪ 498 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,582 {\an8}♪ Now you just a bad joke ♪ 499 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,125 ♪ Used to be about to die ♪ 500 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,627 ♪ Now you only dead broke ♪ 501 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,253 ♪ I gave you the card, Burns ♪ 502 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,796 ♪ And you spent your mind out ♪ 503 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,465 ♪ It was all a trap, yo ♪ 504 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,133 ♪ As you 'bout to find out ♪ 505 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,969 Jay G is CEO of Obsidian! 506 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,555 -Biotch! -(honks) 507 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,474 ♪ Now your bank account is withering ♪ 508 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,226 ♪ Your bottom lip is quivering ♪ 509 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,769 ♪ You're Hufflepuff, I'm Slytherin ♪ 510 00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:30,395 ♪ There's no one doin' your Smitherin' ♪ 511 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,980 ♪ This is where your money went ♪ 512 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,565 ♪ Evict you from the one percent ♪ 513 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,567 ♪ Now watch me as my fingers tent ♪ 514 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,070 ♪ 'Cause I own you, it is excellent ♪ 515 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,447 ♪ Excellent ♪ 516 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:43,784 ♪ You're broke now ♪ 517 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,577 ♪ Your cash was your passion ♪ 518 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:49,831 ♪ Now Jay owns your ass, son ♪ 519 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,250 (honks) 520 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,920 If these rhymes are to be believed, 521 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,839 Jay lured me into debt and now he owns everything. 522 00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,800 Even my beloved nuclear plant. 523 00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:02,177 Our magical friendship was a sham! 524 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,304 HOMER: The loneliest moment in someone's life 525 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,932 is when they're watching their whole world fall apart. 526 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:10,602 And all they can do is stare blankly. 527 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,605 Oh, no, wait, he's crying now. That's worse. 528 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,358 Now he's really sobbing heavy. 529 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:19,778 Oh, now he's gone to his knees and he ripped his shirt open. 530 00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:22,197 All of his buttons fell off of his shirt. 531 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,199 Oh, now he's kicking his porch. 532 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,535 Oh, he hurt his foot and he's hopping around. 533 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,328 Oh, he tripped over a dog. 534 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,956 (sobs) 535 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,499 That's way worse. 536 00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:36,962 Montgomery Burns had hit rock-bottom. 537 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,676 HOMER: F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, 538 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:45,012 "There are no second acts in American lives." 539 00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:46,930 But he never said anything about second parts 540 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,224 in American TV shows. 541 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,101 I should've seen it all coming. 542 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:53,979 My eyes were clouded by the cataracts of excess. 543 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:55,814 And by an excess of cataracts. 544 00:21:55,897 --> 00:21:57,858 Wait. What happened to my posse? 545 00:21:57,941 --> 00:22:01,653 Don't you worry. A posse's loyalty is forever. 546 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:04,406 Hey, Burnsie, I didn't get any brand-new sneakers today. 547 00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:07,159 {\an8}I can't be wearing two-day-old sneakers. 548 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,702 Hey, if there's no more money, 549 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:10,370 we'll take our personalized bowling balls, 550 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:13,665 fold-up bicycles, and go. 551 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,335 (bicycles squeaking) 552 00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:19,463 (sighs) 553 00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:22,090 I'm here for my hounds. 554 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,009 (growling) 555 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,762 Huh! Preposterous. I raised those hounds from pups. 556 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,597 I'm the only master they've ever known. 557 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,724 One word from me and they'll rip you apart. 558 00:22:30,807 --> 00:22:32,893 -Commence ripping! -(snarling) 559 00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:36,438 (sniffing) 560 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:40,233 (chuckles) Dogs can smell power. 561 00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:42,235 Sign this release legally releasing the hounds. 562 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:45,364 If you don't, Mr. Jay G will release the hounds. 563 00:22:48,992 --> 00:22:51,328 Jay, I don't understand. I thought we were friends. 564 00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:54,039 We were going to open up a money-losing winery together. 565 00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:56,917 We can still hang out. Even though our owners are fighting. 566 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,126 (honks) 567 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,796 Not being bitten... (cries) 568 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,756 hurts the most. 569 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,426 (sighs) Everyone's gone. 570 00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,595 Even Smithers never bothered to return from Canada 571 00:23:08,678 --> 00:23:10,222 with my lake ice. 572 00:23:12,849 --> 00:23:14,851 (alarm ringtone plays) 573 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,855 (grunting) 574 00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,941 (cracking) 575 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:29,783 Good Simpson. Faithful Simpson. 576 00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:31,618 You would never go back to the nuclear plant 577 00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:33,286 that was so cruelly taken from me. 578 00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:37,290 What does your heart say? 579 00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,001 HOMER: I looked deep into my heart, and it said... 580 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,254 Uh... let me ask my wife. 581 00:23:42,337 --> 00:23:44,339 I don't care if Mr. Burns doesn't own 582 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:46,466 the nuclear plant anymore. 583 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,093 You still have to work there. 584 00:23:48,176 --> 00:23:50,387 You have a wife, a family, 585 00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,264 and a store to support. 586 00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:53,723 You're right, you're right. 587 00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:55,350 Wait. A store? 588 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:58,145 -I have a store. -How did that happen? 589 00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,980 Well, you spend enough time in the Hamptons 590 00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:01,982 and you have any flair at all, 591 00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:04,067 you just wind up with a store. 592 00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:07,112 WOMEN: ♪ What could possibly go wrong with retail? ♪ 593 00:24:07,195 --> 00:24:09,865 Where should we put the 19th century doctor's kits? 594 00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:13,618 Ooh, ooh! In the window next to the state-shaped erasers. 595 00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:16,621 But I feel bad leaving Mr. Burns. I'm all he's got. 596 00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:19,332 Can't we live off the money from your store? 597 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,334 Oh, God, no! 598 00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,670 Right now I'm still building inventory. 599 00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:25,338 Luckily, the pincushion store across the street 600 00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:27,007 went out of business. 601 00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:30,135 I just swooped right in and bought up everything. 602 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:31,720 Okay. 603 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,346 {\an8}HOMER: With my dear wife losing her marbles, 604 00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,891 {\an8}I had to turn my back on poor, broken Burns 605 00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:38,310 {\an8}and go to work at, well, 606 00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,312 {\an8}the sexiest nuclear plant on Earth. 607 00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:42,981 ♪ Radioactive ♪ 608 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,858 ♪ R-R-R-Radioactive ♪ 609 00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:46,526 Homer Simpson? 610 00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:48,153 Boss wants to see you. 611 00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:50,155 -♪ Booty like a power plant ♪ -WOMAN: Hey, baby. 612 00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:52,073 ♪ You're blowin' up my pants, I like the way you dance ♪ 613 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,492 JAY: Mixtape coming soon, ladies. 614 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:56,661 ♪ J-J-J-Jay's got the power! ♪ 615 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,747 (music continues in distance) 616 00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:04,044 {\an8}"Rung six. To ensure an employee's loyalty, 617 00:25:04,127 --> 00:25:07,214 {\an8}you must crush their attachments to the past." 618 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:08,423 {\an8}-(honks) -(knocking on door) 619 00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:10,842 You wanted to see me, Mr. G? 620 00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:13,678 Relax, Homer, we're good. When you entered my gates, 621 00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:16,515 I knew you'd turn your back on Old Man Burns. 622 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,016 And I respect that. 623 00:25:18,099 --> 00:25:20,060 Yeah. I ditched him, all right. 624 00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:21,645 In his hour of need. 625 00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:23,063 But I feel good about it. 626 00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:24,439 Really good. 627 00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:25,482 (honking) 628 00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:27,025 Ow! Ow! 629 00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:29,611 Oh... I missed that. 630 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:31,696 Because I know you're so loyal to me, 631 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,282 I have a very special job for you. 632 00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,409 Removing the last trace of Monty Burns 633 00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:38,453 from the power plant he loves. 634 00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:40,956 (whimpers) 635 00:25:50,173 --> 00:25:52,467 (grunts) 636 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:55,345 Don't look at me. Stop looking at me! 637 00:25:55,428 --> 00:25:56,972 (grunts) 638 00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:59,266 You did good. 639 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,311 Here's your reward. 640 00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,771 (gasps) 641 00:26:04,854 --> 00:26:06,606 Cobbler. 642 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:08,275 I've got a granny in Atlanta 643 00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:10,360 who custom bakes them just for me. 644 00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:12,612 Peach, berry, cherry, 645 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,030 rhubarb, pineapple. 646 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:16,700 You can't cobbler pineapple. 647 00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:18,368 Yet here it is. 648 00:26:18,451 --> 00:26:20,579 (crying) 649 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:22,789 Homie, what's wrong? 650 00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:27,127 (crying) I've never seen such beautiful cobbler. 651 00:26:27,210 --> 00:26:29,838 HOMER: But there was a hole in me that even 1,000 pans 652 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,548 of hot fruit couldn't fill. 653 00:26:31,631 --> 00:26:34,718 I had betrayed Mr. Burns and felt sick about it. 654 00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:37,137 Searching for an open grave in which to barf, 655 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,139 I heard a horrible sound, 656 00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:41,349 which I was strangely drawn towards. 657 00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:45,061 BURNS: (coughing) ♪ After the ball is over ♪ 658 00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:48,106 ♪ After the break of dawn ♪ 659 00:26:48,189 --> 00:26:51,109 ♪ After the dancers' leaving ♪ 660 00:26:51,192 --> 00:26:54,613 ♪ After the stars are gone ♪ 661 00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:57,532 Mr. Burns, what are you doing in this death hole? 662 00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,951 All I have left is my family mausoleum. 663 00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,745 Would you like a sip of grief soup? 664 00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:03,788 I stewed it from flowers left on graves. 665 00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:06,082 I confess, I went back to work at the plant. 666 00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,418 Jay G seduced me with cobbler. 667 00:27:08,501 --> 00:27:11,296 But after the eighth pan, it tasted like ashes. 668 00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:13,214 Ice cream got me through three more pans, 669 00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:14,966 but after that, ashes. 670 00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:17,844 Well, now you have to decide, once and for all, 671 00:27:17,927 --> 00:27:20,388 where your allegiance lies. 672 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:23,224 I'm not going back to that job. 673 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,644 I'm gonna stay here with you and we're going to get even 674 00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:27,145 with Jay G. 675 00:27:27,228 --> 00:27:28,938 And as God is my witness, 676 00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:32,692 I will not tell my wife what I'm up to. 677 00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:34,736 Oh, that's good. 678 00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:40,367 BURNS: Come on, Simpson. 679 00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:42,869 Give me more ideas to get back at Jay G. 680 00:27:42,952 --> 00:27:44,746 -Fill his office with balloons? -Too soft. 681 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:46,373 Fill his office with scorpions? 682 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:48,333 Eh, I'm having a fight with my scorpion guy. 683 00:27:48,416 --> 00:27:50,502 Oh, oh, oh. Banana in his tailpipe. 684 00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:52,879 -I can't afford a banana! -(twig snaps) 685 00:27:52,962 --> 00:27:55,298 What's that? A spy! Grab him. 686 00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:56,716 Come here, spy. 687 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,218 What are you doing here, boy? 688 00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:00,261 You're not dead. Are you? 689 00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:02,013 I followed you. I got suspicious 690 00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:04,474 when you came home last night covered in grave dirt. 691 00:28:04,557 --> 00:28:06,476 Be gone, urchin. We have work to do. 692 00:28:06,559 --> 00:28:08,144 Wait, wait! He can help. 693 00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:10,772 No one's better at nasty schemes than this kid. 694 00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:12,816 I mean, he's messed up. 695 00:28:12,899 --> 00:28:16,444 Look at him. You got to figure his family life's a disaster. 696 00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:18,405 Why should I help Burns now that he's broke? 697 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,407 I've got more money than he does. 698 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,742 Would the cape and gloves 699 00:28:22,826 --> 00:28:24,911 of the infamous Gaslight Strangler 700 00:28:24,994 --> 00:28:27,497 change your mind? 701 00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:30,041 If you want to take down a rapper, you got to destroy 702 00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:33,420 the thing that's most important to him-- his rep. 703 00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,840 (whispering) Rep means reputation. 704 00:28:36,923 --> 00:28:39,676 To do that, we got to go to the ultimate expert 705 00:28:39,759 --> 00:28:41,344 on urban culture. 706 00:28:41,428 --> 00:28:43,096 A white nerd. 707 00:28:43,179 --> 00:28:45,390 So, in South Central Springfield in the '90s, 708 00:28:45,473 --> 00:28:47,600 there were four major hip-hop sub-scenes. 709 00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:50,103 The Good Time Mafia, Licorice Avenue, 710 00:28:50,186 --> 00:28:52,689 The Dirty, Dirty North, and The FLTA. 711 00:28:52,772 --> 00:28:54,524 The Fine Ladies Thug Army. 712 00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:56,359 Fascinating. 713 00:28:57,861 --> 00:28:59,529 Yes, yes, but do you have anything we can use 714 00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:02,115 against my sworn enemy, Jay G? 715 00:29:02,198 --> 00:29:05,034 Before he was Jay G, he was Jeremy Gilroy, 716 00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,370 a founding member of The Five Boyfriends, 717 00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:09,080 a soulful R&B quintet. 718 00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:10,707 Hey, I know this guy. 719 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:13,543 He tried to sell me a $55 candle! 720 00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:16,629 That's Jazzy James, the Lyrical Miracle. 721 00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,339 He wrote all of Jay's early hits. 722 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,091 But they had a falling out, 723 00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:22,218 and he was never heard from again. 724 00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:24,554 Then only one man can write the rap 725 00:29:24,637 --> 00:29:27,390 that will ruin the rep of Jay G. 726 00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:29,058 Jazzy James. 727 00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:31,227 HOMER: I told you this guy would come back. 728 00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:32,520 Told you. 729 00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,315 Yeah, I used to be Jazzy James. 730 00:29:35,398 --> 00:29:37,150 The Lyrical Miracle? 731 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:39,068 My skills were empirical. 732 00:29:39,152 --> 00:29:42,822 I wrote all the rhymes for Jay G's first hip-hop record. 733 00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:46,576 I didn't get a dime, because I signed over all the rights. 734 00:29:46,659 --> 00:29:48,745 -Why'd you do that? -(groans) 735 00:29:48,828 --> 00:29:51,247 All right, all right. I'll sign! 736 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,919 He took my money, stole my girl, 737 00:29:56,002 --> 00:29:59,839 made me get a tattoo of the baseball from Major League. 738 00:29:59,923 --> 00:30:03,092 It broke me. I fell hard, into scented candles. 739 00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:04,719 (inhales deeply) 740 00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,763 (exhales) Quince. 741 00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:09,390 Listen, Jazzy. We're gonna tear down Jay G 742 00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:10,934 with the ultimate revenge rap. 743 00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:12,936 And you're gonna write it. 744 00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:14,979 -Oh... (grunts) -(glass shatters) 745 00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,189 I'm in. 746 00:30:16,272 --> 00:30:17,565 Excellent. 747 00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:20,360 -What is... rap? -Hmm? 748 00:30:20,443 --> 00:30:21,694 Hmm. 749 00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:23,530 Quick, boy! Hide this thing. 750 00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:24,864 (Bart grunting) 751 00:30:26,866 --> 00:30:30,703 Homie, it's so sweet of you to come visit me at my store. 752 00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:33,706 But aren't you gonna get in trouble for missing work? 753 00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:36,376 You let me worry about the nuclear plant. 754 00:30:36,459 --> 00:30:38,127 The important thing for you to do 755 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,588 is believe I still work there. 756 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,800 I can't wait to show you the changes I've made. 757 00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:46,427 We're getting a lot of foot traffic. 758 00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,847 Three people used the bathroom yesterday. 759 00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,849 {\an8}How much should I charge for these handbags 760 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,601 {\an8}made from the speaker covers of old jukeboxes? 761 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,062 Five dollars. No, no, no, no, no. 762 00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,189 A hundred dollars! (gasps) 763 00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:00,650 It's happening. It's happening. 764 00:31:00,733 --> 00:31:03,319 I love my store! 765 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:06,531 We're putting up new wallpaper. 766 00:31:06,614 --> 00:31:08,867 (grunting) 767 00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:11,202 Is Mom gonna be okay? 768 00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:14,247 I don't know, son, I don't know. 769 00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:15,832 MAN: Oh, it's not her, fellas. 770 00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:18,418 It's the curse of the adorable little store. 771 00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,795 Didn't always used to be like this. No, no. 772 00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:23,298 Once, this land was full of actual stores, 773 00:31:23,381 --> 00:31:25,216 as far as the eye could see. 774 00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:27,051 Then the rich people came. 775 00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:28,928 They didn't need to make money, 776 00:31:29,012 --> 00:31:31,264 they just needed a place for their friends to wander into, 777 00:31:31,347 --> 00:31:32,891 after spin class. 778 00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:34,559 Yeah, that's progress for you. 779 00:31:34,642 --> 00:31:36,394 I suppose. 780 00:31:36,477 --> 00:31:38,771 HOMER: And so, with Jazzy James on board, 781 00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:42,525 Mr. Burns set out to produce the ultimate revenge rap. 782 00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:45,153 -(hip-hop beat begins playing) -♪ Uh, listen up, suckers ♪ 783 00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:47,196 ♪ I'm-a say how I feel ♪ 784 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,199 ♪ My dealings with Jay G have been less than... ideal ♪ 785 00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:51,910 I... (sighs) 786 00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:53,620 It's-it's no use. I've lost it. 787 00:31:53,703 --> 00:31:56,915 I need you to rap like your world is ending. 788 00:31:56,998 --> 00:31:58,958 Like you just found out that capital gains 789 00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:01,377 are going to be taxed at the same rate as ordinary income. 790 00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:03,463 I need you to put your entire soul into it. 791 00:32:03,546 --> 00:32:05,548 Now rhyme, Jazzy, rhyme! 792 00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,384 I got nothin'. Just take me back to my candles. 793 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:09,719 I need my quince! 794 00:32:09,802 --> 00:32:11,638 Wait, I have another idea. 795 00:32:11,721 --> 00:32:14,015 {\an8}I'm feelin' it! (laughs) I'm feelin' it! 796 00:32:14,098 --> 00:32:15,683 {\an8}Now, almost drop me. 797 00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:17,644 {\an8}(whoops) Why does this work? 798 00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:19,354 ♪ ♪ 799 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:20,772 ♪ Jay, you're a rhyme thief ♪ 800 00:32:20,855 --> 00:32:22,482 ♪ A hip-hop perjurer ♪ 801 00:32:22,565 --> 00:32:24,233 ♪ If my words were beef patties ♪ 802 00:32:24,317 --> 00:32:25,652 ♪ You'd be the Hamburglar ♪ 803 00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:27,403 ♪ My beats are the freshest ♪ 804 00:32:27,487 --> 00:32:28,988 ♪ My beats are the freshest ♪ 805 00:32:29,072 --> 00:32:30,573 ♪ You reached out and stole 'em ♪ 806 00:32:30,657 --> 00:32:32,325 ♪ Like Gollum did precious ♪ 807 00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:34,327 ♪ Time for the truth to be paid off ♪ 808 00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:36,162 ♪ You're a lyrical Madoff ♪ 809 00:32:36,245 --> 00:32:37,747 ♪ So if you want to go to war, brah ♪ 810 00:32:37,830 --> 00:32:39,374 ♪ Hit me up and I'll write the rap for ya ♪ 811 00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:41,376 -Yeah! -Whoa, it rhymed! 812 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,169 (laughs) 813 00:32:43,252 --> 00:32:46,089 Now that's what I call a corking revenge rap. 814 00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:48,508 If anyone's hungry, we've set up a deli platter 815 00:32:48,591 --> 00:32:50,551 -in the lobby. -I'm hungry! 816 00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:53,179 For gettin' what's mine. 817 00:32:55,264 --> 00:32:58,393 Oh, ain't no deli platter ordered for a recording session 818 00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,937 that Praline doesn't hear about. Mm-mm. 819 00:33:01,020 --> 00:33:02,939 Praline? She's Jay G's ex-wife. 820 00:33:03,022 --> 00:33:04,357 I thought you were in prison. 821 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,192 That's what the guards said, 822 00:33:06,275 --> 00:33:08,695 but I wasn't having that. 823 00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:11,364 Oh, we duckin' now? So that's how it is? 824 00:33:11,447 --> 00:33:13,616 -(chuckles) I see. -Oh, no, he didn't. 825 00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,909 No, he did not. 826 00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,452 -Shut up, Miata. -Oh. 827 00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:17,996 Put that rare roast beef in a baggie. 828 00:33:18,079 --> 00:33:19,205 Mm-hmm, that one. 829 00:33:19,288 --> 00:33:22,959 So, Praline, are you with us or against us? 830 00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:25,253 Jay G took everything from me. 831 00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:29,424 You best believe I'm going to take everything from him. 832 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:30,675 Get the ham! 833 00:33:30,758 --> 00:33:32,385 We're really glad to have you. 834 00:33:32,468 --> 00:33:34,429 -Thanks for your help. -Who you thankin'? 835 00:33:34,512 --> 00:33:36,431 I'm not doing this for you, boo boo kitty. 836 00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:38,808 HOMER: With an angry ex-wife on our team, 837 00:33:38,891 --> 00:33:40,059 we were unstoppable. 838 00:33:40,143 --> 00:33:41,894 Praline brought in an all-star lineup 839 00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:44,230 of Jay G's enemies to lend their hatred 840 00:33:44,313 --> 00:33:46,357 to the world's greatest diss rap. 841 00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:49,819 RZA, Snoop, and Common. 842 00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:54,449 ♪ Yo, I want to back-smack Jay G, son ♪ 843 00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:56,951 ♪ He took that name Tang Clan from me ♪ 844 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,495 ♪ And since there couldn't be two ♪ 845 00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,956 ♪ I had to change my Tang Clan to Wu ♪ 846 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,709 ♪ I seen Jay G pimp, lie, and rob ♪ 847 00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:07,378 ♪ Took my handyman off a job ♪ 848 00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,629 ♪ And when I complained ♪ 849 00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:10,798 ♪ All he did was laugh ♪ 850 00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,468 ♪ Now I got half a gazebo, and not even the good half ♪ 851 00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:15,928 ♪ I would never wish hate on my brother ♪ 852 00:34:16,012 --> 00:34:18,389 ♪ 'Cause we're all from the same celestial mother ♪ 853 00:34:18,473 --> 00:34:21,059 Wait, I just remembered Jay crashed my Jet Ski. 854 00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:23,770 I hope he get food poisoning from nachos. Peace! 855 00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:25,730 Yo, Common, that was tight. 856 00:34:25,813 --> 00:34:27,231 Respect, 'House. 857 00:34:28,691 --> 00:34:31,736 Oh, when this track drops, some feelings gonna get hurt. 858 00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:33,946 -Obliverated. -Indeed. 859 00:34:34,030 --> 00:34:36,407 I just wish Smithers and his ice were here 860 00:34:36,491 --> 00:34:37,867 to witness my revenge. 861 00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:39,952 MEN (French Canadian accents): Fight, fight, fight. 862 00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:41,954 (men shouting) 863 00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:47,376 (growls, grunts) 864 00:34:47,460 --> 00:34:49,003 (all gasping) 865 00:34:50,713 --> 00:34:52,507 (hip-hop playing) 866 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:55,510 Prepare for the turning of the worms. 867 00:34:55,593 --> 00:34:56,969 No offense, worms. 868 00:34:57,053 --> 00:35:01,182 I now drop "Choke on Diss," a.k.a. "Rhyme Crime," 869 00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:05,061 by Hate Squad, featuring the Rhyme Crime All-Stars. 870 00:35:07,313 --> 00:35:08,940 Why isn't it dropping? 871 00:35:09,023 --> 00:35:10,483 Release the sounds! 872 00:35:10,566 --> 00:35:11,567 (honks) 873 00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:13,361 -(all gasping) -Damn! 874 00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:16,322 Sorry to crash your party as a hologram, M.B., 875 00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:18,699 but I'm having a little celebration of my own. 876 00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:20,409 I just bought the master recording 877 00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:22,829 of your so-called diss rap. 878 00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:24,080 Ha, no way. 879 00:35:24,163 --> 00:35:25,540 Jazzy James and Hate Squad, 880 00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:27,375 featuring the Rhyme Crime All-Stars hate you! 881 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:28,835 They'd never sell out. 882 00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,253 They would... 883 00:35:30,336 --> 00:35:32,255 for money! 884 00:35:32,338 --> 00:35:33,464 Sorry, Monty. 885 00:35:33,548 --> 00:35:35,591 Jay G is the best producer in the world 886 00:35:35,675 --> 00:35:38,678 and you're a tone-deaf pauper who lives in a grave. 887 00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:40,888 -Ouch. -I thought I hated him, 888 00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,181 but now I don't. 889 00:35:42,265 --> 00:35:43,808 So now I'm here. 890 00:35:43,891 --> 00:35:45,893 If you can't handle a strong female hologram, 891 00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:47,353 that's on you. 892 00:35:47,436 --> 00:35:49,772 Jay G and D-O-double-G. 893 00:35:49,856 --> 00:35:51,232 We flipped the script. 894 00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:52,900 This ultimate betrayal 895 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,819 is part of your spiritual journey. 896 00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:56,863 Lesson one-- protect your neck. 897 00:35:56,946 --> 00:35:59,782 Say good-bye to your revenge rap forever. 898 00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:01,450 'Cause it's about to drop. 899 00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:03,411 (gulps, honks) 900 00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:05,204 Mmm. (kisses) 901 00:36:05,288 --> 00:36:07,456 Party at the power plant, y'all. 902 00:36:10,042 --> 00:36:12,128 I swear on the squid beak of Lord Cthulhu 903 00:36:12,211 --> 00:36:13,921 and all his briny shoggoths, 904 00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:16,382 I will get revenge on you, Jay G. 905 00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:18,426 HOMER: And so Mr. Burns beat on, 906 00:36:18,509 --> 00:36:20,511 fists against the hologram, 907 00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:24,765 punching back ceaselessly into his own face. 908 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,439 Which new name do you like better? 909 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:32,982 Next Doorables... 910 00:36:33,065 --> 00:36:35,443 (gasps) or the Lavender Zeppelin? 911 00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:37,320 I just don't know anymore. 912 00:36:37,403 --> 00:36:39,947 -(door opens, bell rings) -(gasps) A customer! 913 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:41,532 Oh, it's you. 914 00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:42,992 Baby, I'm sorry. 915 00:36:43,075 --> 00:36:44,744 I stayed loyal to Mr. Burns, 916 00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,787 coproduced a failed revenge rap, 917 00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,372 and now we've got nothing. 918 00:36:48,456 --> 00:36:49,832 (gasps) 919 00:36:49,916 --> 00:36:52,668 I know it's crazy, but he needed me. 920 00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:55,671 -Oh, it's okay, Homie. -You're not mad? 921 00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:58,591 Your heart told you to stick with Mr. Burns, 922 00:36:58,674 --> 00:37:00,593 and the thing I love about you most 923 00:37:00,676 --> 00:37:03,721 is you've got a heart as big as The Ritz. 924 00:37:03,804 --> 00:37:07,308 Wow, Mom, you just made an F. Scott Fitzgerald reference. 925 00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:10,895 Lisa, please, I did graduate high school. 926 00:37:10,978 --> 00:37:13,064 (sighs) 927 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:23,908 I've just hatched a plan for the most delicious revenge. 928 00:37:23,991 --> 00:37:25,534 Simpson, we must away. 929 00:37:25,618 --> 00:37:27,036 Did you want to buy that? 930 00:37:27,119 --> 00:37:28,579 Just looking. 931 00:37:28,663 --> 00:37:30,581 We can't afford the store anymore! 932 00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:32,083 Oh, thank God. 933 00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:35,127 Oh! I'm free! (grunts) 934 00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:38,631 Well, before long, another aimless soul 935 00:37:38,714 --> 00:37:41,050 will open another adorable store here. 936 00:37:41,133 --> 00:37:42,718 And when they do, 937 00:37:42,802 --> 00:37:45,513 Old Sam the Sign Hanger will be ready, 938 00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:47,556 with his level and his ladder. 939 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,934 Oh, why, here comes one now. 940 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:53,020 -Oh, honey, isn't it darling? -Huh? (laughs) 941 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:55,189 We finally found the Bookmark Barn. 942 00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:57,525 -(cackling) -Oh, this is Wicker Works. 943 00:37:57,608 --> 00:37:59,944 We're gonna sell so many Yorkie sweaters. 944 00:38:00,027 --> 00:38:02,613 We can use the contractor that did Karen's store. 945 00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:05,533 HOMER: Mr. Burns' plan was so horrifying, 946 00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:08,119 I could barely shut up and go along with it. 947 00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:10,454 But I was the only friend he had left in the world 948 00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:12,498 and he was whipping me so hard. 949 00:38:12,581 --> 00:38:14,458 Ow, ow! 950 00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:16,961 Oh, Goosius. 951 00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,879 Daddy's got your oatmeal. 952 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:22,883 Golden raisins, just the way you like 'em, baby. 953 00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:30,808 Goosey! 954 00:38:30,891 --> 00:38:32,727 (tires screech) 955 00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:35,271 Where's my goose? 956 00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:37,440 Why, he's right here. 957 00:38:37,523 --> 00:38:40,651 Fancy a bite of roast Goosius? 958 00:38:44,071 --> 00:38:45,323 You didn't! 959 00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:47,366 (laughing) Oh, I did. 960 00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,119 Mmm. A trifle fatty, but other than that, 961 00:38:50,202 --> 00:38:51,579 excellent. 962 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:54,498 Damn, I didn't think you had it in you, M.B. 963 00:38:54,582 --> 00:38:56,751 (sobbing) Oh, man. 964 00:38:56,834 --> 00:38:58,502 I don't want to live in a world 965 00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:02,006 without the mascot of my multinational empire. 966 00:39:02,089 --> 00:39:03,382 (sobs) 967 00:39:03,466 --> 00:39:05,676 (Goosius honking, Homer grunting) 968 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,136 Stop it! 969 00:39:07,219 --> 00:39:09,138 I saved your life, you stupid duck! 970 00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:12,475 Simpson, I told you to cook his goose. 971 00:39:12,558 --> 00:39:15,102 I couldn't do it. We just had our portrait done. 972 00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:16,979 (honks) 973 00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:18,898 Then, what did I eat? 974 00:39:18,981 --> 00:39:20,733 Roast goose from the gas station. 975 00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:22,985 -Fine, then I'll kill it myself. -(gasps) 976 00:39:23,069 --> 00:39:25,029 (honking) 977 00:39:25,112 --> 00:39:27,865 HOMER: The two rivals found themselves doomed by the lusts 978 00:39:27,948 --> 00:39:30,034 that drive all men-- money, power, 979 00:39:30,117 --> 00:39:32,536 and the pursuit of a goose. 980 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,622 (groans) 981 00:39:34,705 --> 00:39:36,540 (honking) 982 00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:40,503 Damn it, Monty, I don't want to die. 983 00:39:40,586 --> 00:39:42,213 Well, if we have to end this way, 984 00:39:42,296 --> 00:39:44,131 at least it's of natural causes-- 985 00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:46,509 a business deal gone wrong. 986 00:39:46,592 --> 00:39:48,928 (creaking) 987 00:39:49,011 --> 00:39:51,013 -(shouts) -Tell me, Jay. 988 00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:52,264 Why'd you betray me? 989 00:39:52,348 --> 00:39:53,933 We were kindred souls. 990 00:39:54,016 --> 00:39:55,267 Brothers in avarice. 991 00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:58,270 Why? Because you told me to! 992 00:39:58,354 --> 00:40:00,272 In your own last chapter. 993 00:40:03,442 --> 00:40:05,736 "You will never be truly ruthless 994 00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:08,030 until you destroy the one who made you." 995 00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:10,116 I had to tear you down, M.B.! 996 00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:12,701 It was the final rung. 997 00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:19,917 I just wanted to be ruthless, like you. 998 00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:28,134 That I inspired you to such pure and evil greed, 999 00:40:28,217 --> 00:40:30,010 that is my greatest triumph. 1000 00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:32,096 I am truly immortal. 1001 00:40:32,179 --> 00:40:34,557 We're about to die, fool. 1002 00:40:37,685 --> 00:40:38,853 (yelling) 1003 00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:46,360 Smithers, I ordered ice, not slush. 1004 00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:47,862 Sorry I'm late, sir. 1005 00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:49,488 A few of these French Canadian bikers 1006 00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:50,865 got delayed at the border. 1007 00:40:50,948 --> 00:40:53,075 Apparently, I'm their leader now. 1008 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:56,162 Smithers, Smithers, Smithers! 1009 00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,372 (chuckles) 1010 00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:00,124 Ow. That stings. 1011 00:41:00,207 --> 00:41:01,667 Oh, that one's nice. 1012 00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:03,335 How dare you. 1013 00:41:03,419 --> 00:41:04,670 Fascinating. 1014 00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:06,130 BOTH: Excellent. 1015 00:41:06,213 --> 00:41:09,592 HOMER: Mr. Burns realized that his ruthless will to power 1016 00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:13,262 would beat on forever in another man's heart. 1017 00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:18,601 Ah, I guess this summer's really over. 1018 00:41:18,684 --> 00:41:22,646 (crying) I'm gonna miss Goosius. 1019 00:41:22,730 --> 00:41:24,648 Aah! 1020 00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:26,317 Thanks, boy. 1021 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,694 Do you think Mr. Burns learned anything from all this? 1022 00:41:28,777 --> 00:41:31,071 Could it have changed him for the better? 1023 00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:34,325 You know what? I have a feeling it did. 1024 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,244 BURNS (over P.A.): Attention. 1025 00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:38,913 For the sheer joy of it, 1026 00:41:38,996 --> 00:41:42,500 every day will now include a moment of musical appreciation. 1027 00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:44,960 ♪ Music makes the whole world ♪ 1028 00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:47,004 ♪ Whole world ♪ 1029 00:41:47,087 --> 00:41:50,007 Mm, let's not do this tomorrow. 1030 00:41:50,090 --> 00:41:52,676 {\an8}♪ Oh ♪ 1031 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,346 {\an8}♪ Go round, hey ♪ 1032 00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:58,015 {\an8}♪ Ah-ah-ha ♪ 1033 00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:00,392 {\an8}(hip-hop version of Simpsons theme playing) 1034 00:42:38,138 --> 00:42:39,265 Shh! 1035 00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:42,560 (female group sings Gracie Films theme) 1036 00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:45,980 Subtitled by Post Haste Digital