1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,214
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,800
(school bell ringing)

3
00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:11,511
(Barney belches)

4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:13,638
(tires screeching)

5
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,765
D'oh!

6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:16,725
(tires screeching)

7
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,351
(grunts)

8
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,771
(trumpets)

9
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,447
(croaking)

10
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,078
{\an8}George, I'm sorry
to see you up here.

11
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,123
{\an8}Well, yes, but I died
for a worthy cause.

12
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:43,168
{\an8}As we speak, my body
is about to be dissected

13
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,795
{\an8}by a budding
young scientist.

14
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,922
{\an8}Let's observe
the dedication to learning

15
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,718
{\an8}of this ten-year-old scholar
by the name of Bart Simpson.

16
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:54,596
{\an8}♪ <i>Stab, stab, stab, stab,</i>
<i>stab, die</i> ♪

17
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,723
{\an8}♪ <i>Stab, stab, die, die,</i>
<i>death, kill</i> ♪

18
00:00:56,806 --> 00:01:00,894
{\an8}Well, his passion
is undeniable.

19
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:03,063
{\an8}Yes, very...
very impressive.

20
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:06,608
{\an8}By examining my specimen's
pyloric sphincter valve,

21
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:10,612
{\an8}I deduced that she had
an affinity for fruit flies.

22
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,615
{\an8}By examining my specimen's
natty dreads,

23
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:18,536
{\an8}I was able to deduce that he was
a jammin' Rasta-frogian.

24
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{\an8}My body,
my little green body.

25
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{\an8}Okay, but surely
his portrayal

26
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:27,712
{\an8}of Rastafarianism
will be culturally sensitive.

27
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{\an8}Pass the Dutchie.

28
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{\an8}We be smokin' slabba-slabba
wit da Babylon.

29
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{\an8}Ribbit, ribbit, mon.

30
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,805
{\an8}(panting loudly)

31
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,306
{\an8}Come now, George.

32
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{\an8}At least this Scottish
groundskeeper

33
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{\an8}will give your remains
a respectful burial.

34
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{\an8}WILLIE: Into the crapper you go,
useless froggy garbage.

35
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{\an8}(toilet flushing)

36
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{\an8}Are you going to put
a good spin on that, too?

37
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{\an8}Hmm? Are you?!

38
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{\an8}Well, are you?

39
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,825
{\an8}Well, uh... ribbit?

40
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{\an8}MARGE: I can't put these grades
on the refrigerator.

41
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,206
{\an8}I can't even put them
on the garage refrigerator.

42
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,874
{\an8}It's not my fault.

43
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,918
{\an8}-I blame "so-key-ity."
-What?!

44
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,628
You know, so-key-ity.

45
00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:11,089
That's what everyone
blames for everything.

46
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,841
You mean "society"?

47
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,135
-Yeah, that's the guy.
-Honey,

48
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,928
I know you're a bright boy,

49
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,139
but if you don't try harder
in school,

50
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,224
you could end up...

51
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,066
...not a success.

52
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,068
Oh, that.
Don't worry, Mom.

53
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,279
As long as I can stand on a corner

54
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,989
and spin a sign reading "new condos,"

55
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I'll be just fine.

56
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,245
(groaning)

57
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(Marge groaning)

58
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(Marge groaning)

59
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,712
All that pacing
isn't gonna fix the boy.

60
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,088
Just get him some pills.

61
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,424
Two pinks and a blue,
and it's off to the races.

62
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,634
Everything we've tried
with Bart has failed.

63
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,636
What if there's nothing
we can do?

64
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,930
Mm, "nothing we can do"
is a whole lot better

65
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,473
than "it'll take all we've got."

66
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:06,477
I wonder if anyone talks
about parenting online.

67
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,732
Look at this one!

68
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,525
HOMER:
They're skiing.

69
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,152
Skiing means happy.

70
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:17,071
Hmm, an expert with
a new book to promote.

71
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,658
Oh, I wonder if she'd be willing
to speak to a group for a fee.

72
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,246
Getting your child established

73
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,749
on the path to success
isn't easy.

74
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,627
I was driving my daughter
from her falconry tournament

75
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,171
to lute class
when she turned to me asked...

76
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,714
(speaks Mandarin)

77
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,592
...which is Mandarin for,
"How do you do it?"

78
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,510
She and I are learning Mandarin.

79
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,721
The answer?
(speaks Mandarin)

80
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,514
Positive reinforcement.

81
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,516
(inquisitive chatter)

82
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In a recent study,
this mouse was denied food

83
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,855
whenever he failed
to find his way through a maze.

84
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,025
The mouse ended up dying...
of low self-esteem.

85
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,361
(shocked and excited chatter)

86
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,696
I had a nightmare
where that happened to Bart,

87
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,698
but I never told you about it.

88
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,201
I love it when you
don't tell me things.

89
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,869
This mouse was given food

90
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,121
whether he got
through the maze or not.

91
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,541
And this fall,
he'll be in a lab at Harvard.

92
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,961
(excited gasps and chatter)

93
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:17,131
Low self-esteem can cripple
your child's chances of success.

94
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,883
The cure: praise.

95
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,301
(excited chatter)

96
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,470
Praise they can hold
in their hands.

97
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:26,140
Certificates, ribbons and, yes,
even trophies.

98
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,141
(crowd gasps)

99
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,726
(gasps) Trophies.

100
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,062
So that's the easy answer.

101
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,897
If Ralphie's shelf
says he's a winner,

102
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,565
then he'll be one!

103
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,777
And Moe yells a third thing
to feel part of the group!

104
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,490
Yes! Trophies--
that's what Bart needs.

105
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,492
This is how we save him.

106
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,786
(scoffs) Give Bart a trophy?
What for?

107
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:49,080
Most boogers wiped
on a bedroom wall?

108
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,124
They're giving trophies
for that now?

109
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:52,834
I weep for this country.

110
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,877
Bart's future is at stake.

111
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,130
Besides, I'm tired
of Springfield missing out

112
00:04:57,213 --> 00:05:01,551
on every parenting trend.
Like the time-out and the diaper.

113
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,594
I never got a trophy
when I was a kid,

114
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,305
and I turned out just...

115
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,390
(gulping)

116
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:14,314
(slowly)
...fine.

117
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:17,900
He's my son, and he's getting
a trophy for nothing.

118
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,403
You hear me?
For nothing!

119
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:23,990
Huh. Huh?

120
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:24,949
(screams)

121
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,200
Good morning.

122
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,536
How's my special
little winner?

123
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,331
How'd you get that thing
in my bed without waking me up?

124
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,791
Because you're
a champion sleeper.

125
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,877
It's the craziest thing.

126
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,212
She will not give up
on that kid.

127
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,840
Trophies <i>can </i>
boost self-esteem.

128
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,259
If you actually win them,
like I did.

129
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,552
But what's the point

130
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,929
of just handing out
unearned statues?

131
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,431
And statuettes.

132
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,933
Well, it's just a waste
of gullible parents' money.

133
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,686
<i>(echoing) Waste of gullible</i>
<i>parents' money.</i>

134
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,938
<i>Gullible parents' money.</i>

135
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,774
<i>Money. Money.</i>

136
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,567
-(bell dings)
-Hmm.

137
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,903
Step right up!
Every kid's a winner!

138
00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,405
The more you spend,
the more you love!

139
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,948
Mm-hmm.

140
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,953
I thought you agreed
that trophies should be earned.

141
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,289
I'm earning nature's
trophy: money.

142
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,290
(wind whistles softly)

143
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,458
Remember, folks.

144
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,086
Nothing but a genuine
Trophyland trophy says

145
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,837
to your kids that...

146
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,131
<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>♪ You're the best around ♪</i>

147
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,550
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

148
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,053
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

149
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,597
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

150
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,474
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

151
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,893
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

152
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,645
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

153
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,188
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna</i> ♪

154
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,606
♪ <i>Ever keep you down</i> ♪

155
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,401
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

156
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,611
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

157
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,155
♪ <i>You're the best</i> ♪

158
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,534
(chuckles) These stupid,
loving parents will buy trophies

159
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,661
for any accomplishment.

160
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,288
Not wetting the bed,
using your inside voice,

161
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,916
even "go watch TV
in the other room."

162
00:06:56,999 --> 00:07:00,086
I still think these things
are good for their self-esteem.

163
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,754
Not to mention
the self-esteem

164
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,173
that comes from
wad riffling.

165
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,174
(wind whistles softly)

166
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,635
Look, I even put the boy to work.

167
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,430
Well, then he should get
a trophy for that.

168
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,764
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

169
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,267
We have a saying in
the participation trophy business.

170
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,394
"Don't get high--
self-esteem--

171
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,604
on your own supply--
of self-esteem."

172
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,023
I don't care.
I'm giving him this.

173
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,817
What?
Why did it break?

174
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,527
The parts are of
the highest quality.

175
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,447
They come from
the China of China: India.

176
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,535
Boy, did you glue this trophy together
with bubblegum?

177
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:35,204
Eh, sticky is sticky.
I'm taking my break.

178
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,046
HOMER: See?
Giving him trophies did nothing.

179
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,673
You've showered him
with praise,

180
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,550
and he's just
as lazy as ever.

181
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,719
Shh!
What if he heard you say that?

182
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,263
Hey, if Bart is as bad
at eavesdropping

183
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,015
as he is at everything else,

184
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,100
we've got nothing
to worry about.

185
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,227
I say we keep
talking loudly.

186
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,271
But what about
his confidence?

187
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,690
Face it.
Our son is a screw-up.

188
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:05,776
He was born a screw-up,
and no matter how hard he tries--

189
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,361
which he never will--

190
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,780
Bart will <i>always </i>
be a screw-up.

191
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,157
(groans)

192
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,951
And have you ever heard that sound
he makes when he's sad?

193
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,495
Pathetic.

194
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,876
(sighs)

195
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:26,756
Queen's bishop Lomotil
takes king's Ativan.

196
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,050
Oh, looks like I'll be
having a panic attack

197
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,426
on the toilet tonight.

198
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,095
(scoffs) Look at that
whimpering little crybaby.

199
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,805
(mocking)
Wah! Wah!

200
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,391
Abe, that's your grandson.

201
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,809
Come visit me!

202
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,478
I'm so lonely!

203
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:44,023
(crying)
Wah! Wah!

204
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,983
What's got you down, kiddo?

205
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,444
My dad says I'm terrible
at everything.

206
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,405
Oh, he's just repeating
what he heard as a boy from me.

207
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:54,867
Oh, I was an awful father,
just like my old man.

208
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,619
Your dad didn't
believe in you, either?

209
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,079
It wasn't his fault.

210
00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,623
He was just focused
on his career

211
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,084
as a professional child-beater.

212
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:05,044
<i>Men would come</i>
<i>from five towns over</i>

213
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,963
<i>to study my father's technique.</i>

214
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,715
<i>But no matter</i>
<i>how many strangles he patented,</i>

215
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,134
<i>his father never approved.</i>

216
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,427
(choking loudly)

217
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,430
Even if only a little bit
of that really happened,

218
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,641
I'll never escape
being a loser.

219
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,268
That's loser talk!

220
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,145
You're a great kid,
and I'm gonna prove it to you.

221
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,315
Boy, this here's a real trophy.

222
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,609
Our family's
most prized possession:

223
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,279
a Baumont Chrono-master Elite.

224
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,780
It's been a Simpson heirloom

225
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,992
ever since it was stolen
off a dead body at Gettysburg.

226
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,743
In 1982.

227
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,495
Whoa!

228
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,081
Wait. Is this just another
gold shiny thing

229
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,250
to trick me into
feeling special when I'm not?

230
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,543
You are special!

231
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,336
You're like my prostate--

232
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,715
a spiky little troublemaker
who plays by his own rules.

233
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:52,675
You don't take hooey
from Louie.

234
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,677
Never have, never will.

235
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,264
(shudders)

236
00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,890
I feel something.

237
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,101
It's like a sunburn
on the inside.

238
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,394
It's called "pride."

239
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:04,937
Every tick will remind you

240
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,148
you've got a grandpa
who believes in you.

241
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:08,774
The same way I believe

242
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,944
the retirement home
has been taken over by robots.

243
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,738
(Eastern European accent)
I am not a robot.

244
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,573
I just have
light-up sneakers.

245
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,074
♪ ♪

246
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,081
(Ralph humming)

247
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,838
Why is my trophy the smallest?

248
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,174
You all lost-- to me!

249
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,925
(confused murmurs)

250
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:38,679
Lisa, are you suggesting
we engage in excellence bias?

251
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,766
(crying)
She's loser-shaming me.

252
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:42,808
(growls)

253
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,728
(students gasp)

254
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:49,482
Why do you always have
to make trouble, ya wee harpy?

255
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:51,233
How am I supposed to stay silent

256
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,987
when parents are just blindly
chasing the latest trend?

257
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,280
Ugh, parents.

258
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,366
Those lazy lunch-packers.

259
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,493
They just want to be told
what to do.

260
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:04,080
And there's no shortage of experts
who want to tell 'em.

261
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,165
<i>WILLIE: (echoing)</i>
<i>No shortage of experts.</i>

262
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,209
<i>Experts. Experts. Experts.</i>

263
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,335
(bell dings)

264
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,921
<i>LISA: (thinking)</i>
<i>Another parenting expert, eh?</i>

265
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,676
Clearly,
this is a community in the grip

266
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,094
of an addiction to trophies.

267
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,261
Now, parents,

268
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,515
I warn you, too much praise
creates millennials--

269
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,726
a generation of soft,
entitled narcissists,

270
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,271
who drop out of college
to become deejays.

271
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,942
That only pays well
at the very highest levels.

272
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,319
Instead of showering
your kids with gifts,

273
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:38,531
you should prod them
to greatness with G.R.I.T.

274
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,282
Get up. Retry.

275
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,118
I don't care if you're...

276
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,619
Tired.

277
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,663
He's got a word made
of other words.

278
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,998
(chuckles) He must know
what he's talking about.

279
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,583
Oh, it is an end to praise.

280
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,001
Praise Vishnu.

281
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,045
(crowd exclaims, murmurs)

282
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,131
Remember,
G.R.I.T. also stands for:

283
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,467
Get Rid of Idiotic Trophies.

284
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,137
Another word word!
He did it again!

285
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:05,266
Why does the word "of"
sometimes count in the acronym

286
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:07,268
and sometimes not?

287
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:11,313
Shut up, Mel! Your kids live
in Nebraska with your mom.

288
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,942
CROWD: (chanting)
No more trophies! No more trophies!

289
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,318
Uh-oh.

290
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,611
You are scum, sir!

291
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,864
-(crowd booing)
-Burn in hell!

292
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,949
Kill him with G.R.I.T.!

293
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,620
Hi, Homer.
How's the trophy business?

294
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,457
Nobody wants them anymore,
thanks to G.R.I.T.

295
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,085
Stupid parenting method
I can't exploit for money.

296
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,670
Actually kinda makes sense.

297
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,380
Hate it so much.

298
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,007
(Homer gasps)

299
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,341
I know that.

300
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,051
That's my dad's
old pocket watch.

301
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,636
How did you get it?

302
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,847
Oh, Grampa said I earned it.

303
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,974
I guess someone
in this family's proud of me.

304
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:49,143
Oh, you didn't want it, did you?

305
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,728
(scoffs)
Yeah, right.

306
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,646
That watch means
nothing to me.

307
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,608
Really? Then how do you
explain that case you made?

308
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:59,069
I built it to always remind me
of what not to want.

309
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,071
What about your
self-published novel?

310
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,115
Well, the character
of John Homer

311
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,242
is only partly based on me.

312
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,078
Well, if I didn't know better,
I'd say you were obsessed

313
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,247
with getting Grampa's watch.

314
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:14,168
Ooh, thanks for the analysis,
Dr. Freud.

315
00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,921
Next you'll be telling me
that this whole trophy business,

316
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,924
and in fact, all my get-rich-quick
schemes over the years,

317
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,343
are borne of a desperate need
for approval

318
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,304
from a father
who couldn't show love.

319
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,431
Likely because
of his traumatic relationship

320
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:31,268
with his own father,
and his before him, and so on.

321
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,396
But, unfortunately, Dr. Freud,

322
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,818
that couldn't be further
from the truth, Doctor.

323
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,236
If you say so.

324
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,696
Now I'm gonna take this out
and see what life is like

325
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:46,075
with real love and encouragement
ticking in my pocket.

326
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,619
Stupid watch.

327
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,079
Doesn't even have a fob.

328
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,872
Bart, where's the fob?

329
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,209
Bart, you look like a fool!

330
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,295
(groaning slowly)

331
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,967
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

332
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,511
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

333
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,763
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

334
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,391
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

335
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,435
♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

336
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:17,565
♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

337
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,483
♪ <i>Down</i> ♪

338
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,445
♪ <i>Fight till the end</i>
<i>'cause your life will depend</i> ♪

339
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,156
♪ <i>On the strength</i>
<i>that you have inside you</i> ♪

340
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,159
♪ <i>Ah, got to be proud,</i>
<i>staring...</i> ♪

341
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,328
No!

342
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,625
<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>♪ You're the worst around ♪</i>

343
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,336
♪ <i>Everything's gonna</i>
<i>bring you down</i> ♪

344
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:46,093
Okay, Milhouse, I'll drop a rock,
you watch it come down.

345
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,013
That should be where
Grampa's watch landed.

346
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,681
-(thud)
-MILHOUSE: Ow!

347
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,308
Did you see
where the rock landed?

348
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,767
In my eye!

349
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,770
Oh. That watch was the only thing
that made me not terrible.

350
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,439
I can't lose it.

351
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,567
I'll drop another rock
a few feet to the left.

352
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,363
My other eye!

353
00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,573
Ow!

354
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,993
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

355
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,495
Not a single one
has missed me!

356
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,875
What are you doing?

357
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:21,712
That expert at the school
said trophies are bad for kids.

358
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,256
It's all part of G.R.I.T.

359
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,966
No, no.

360
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,010
My trophies were earned.

361
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,595
Even the soccer one?

362
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,681
I went to most
of the practices.

363
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,225
Yeah, but what happens
when another parenting expert

364
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:38,354
comes along with a whole
new theory on self-esteem?

365
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:39,772
Another expert?

366
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,523
Who are they?
What are they saying?

367
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,071
Aw.

368
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,954
Okay, the watch is gone.

369
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,665
I guess I can live with being
a useless, worthless nothing

370
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,291
as long as no one finds out.

371
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:02,878
Sweetie, your grampa's
on the phone.

372
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:03,879
Hello.

373
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,297
Great news, kiddo.

374
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,591
<i>Remember That</i> magazine
is putting out

375
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,135
their annual
family heirlooms issue.

376
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,720
They want us for the cover.

377
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,973
You, me and the pocket watch.

378
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:14,932
Um...

379
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,225
It's a great story.

380
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,395
Passing a beloved heirloom
from grandfather to grandson.

381
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,731
A gift that restored
a child's faith in himself.

382
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,651
Uh, Grampa, there's something
I have to tell you.

383
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,777
Hold on one second.

384
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,404
I'm just finishing up

385
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,656
a mandatory
pre-article heart exam.

386
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,533
Doc says as long
as I don't suffer

387
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:35,703
any major disappointments,
I'll be fine.

388
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,496
Now, what did you want
to tell me?

389
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,748
Uh, helmets ruined football.

390
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,959
Exactly! If you want
to protect your head,

391
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,335
grow your hair long.

392
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,879
Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow
at 10:00 a.m.

393
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:49,425
And you won't be late
because you've got that watch.

394
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:50,843
(groans)

395
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,803
Stupid parenting experts.

396
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,973
Why don't they write a book
called <i>Stop Buying These Books?</i>

397
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,599
Everybody'd buy that.

398
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,561
Even if I was listening
to what you said, it doesn't matter.

399
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:01,854
Nothing matters.

400
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,522
My trophy business
has failed

401
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,566
and Bart has
the thing I wanted most:

402
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,192
Grampa's watch.

403
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,193
What watch?

404
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,612
The one you get
for being a success.

405
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,156
Well, then I should have it.

406
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,241
Uh, that never really came up.

407
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:17,578
All that's left to do now
is bring these to the needy.

408
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,790
Best I can do
is charge you ten dollars

409
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,417
to throw them
in my Dumpster.

410
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,253
How about I give you a trophy
that says "Best Pawn Shop"?

411
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,005
Not unless I earned it.

412
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,424
(gasps)

413
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:31,717
Dad's watch!

414
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,010
Hey, dirtbag shopkeep,

415
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,595
how did this come to you?

416
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,096
Mm.
Some kid brought it in.

417
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,890
Said he was mad
at his friend

418
00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:41,685
for dropping so many rocks
in his eye.

419
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,771
That dude's seen
a lot of living.

420
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,316
Yours for 20 bucks.

421
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,776
That's an insult.

422
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,153
You're talking about
a self-worth-boosting antique

423
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,655
that's been in my family
for generations.

424
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:54,990
Twenty-two?

425
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,159
You'll take it all,
and you'll like it.

426
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,832
(maniacal laugh)

427
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,542
Yes. I have it.

428
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,169
Some said it would never happen.

429
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,171
Most were unaware
of the situation.

430
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,216
But I finally have
my father's watch!

431
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,301
(maniacal laugh)

432
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,265
(singsongy) Oh, Bart,
look what Daddy's got now.

433
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,601
(Bart crying)

434
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:27,564
{\an8}Grampa was the only person
who believed in me.

435
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,150
{\an8}But when he finds out
I lost the watch,

436
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,443
{\an8}even he'll give up.

437
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,611
{\an8}(sobbing)

438
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:33,737
Stay strong, Homer.

439
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,489
Don't go soft on him now.

440
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:38,117
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
face-rubbing-in.

441
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,868
Mm. Come on, foot.

442
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,036
Kick, damn you!

443
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,121
(grunts)

444
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:47,960
{\an8}(sighs) Son, I found something
that belongs to you.

445
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,878
(gasps) Grampa's watch!

446
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,880
No. I can't take it.

447
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,966
I didn't earn it,
so I don't deserve it.

448
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,342
You were right.

449
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:56,885
I am a screw-up.

450
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,556
But, boy,
who screwed you up?

451
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,432
(gasps) You.

452
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,143
It was you.

453
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,937
And those who came before.

454
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,066
(choking loudly)

455
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,071
It's stuck in your hand fat.

456
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:20,284
Oh. You got to wedge something
in there to break the vacuum.

457
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,035
(grunting)

458
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,498
Okay.

459
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,625
Smile, my little watch watcher.

460
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,671
(camera clicking)

461
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,428
That was a nice thing you did.

462
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,930
Which parenting guide
told you to do it?

463
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,974
Well, baby,
sometimes you just

464
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,226
got to trust your gut.

465
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,649
(watch shatters)

466
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,443
(choking)

467
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,588
It's NBA draft day,
and the world waits to see

468
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,006
who will be the first pick.

469
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,508
The consensus choice
is Cody Harris from LSU,

470
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,552
but there's an exciting
dark horse this year.

471
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,305
It's a player from Springfield
by the name of Ralph Wiggum.

472
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,473
Uh-oh.

473
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,557
There's no tape

474
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,059
on this three-foot-six
second-grader,

475
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,061
but he does lead
the nation in trophies.

476
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,938
You can't argue
with trophies.

477
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,731
Boom! Kid's a winner.

478
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,733
(groans)

479
00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:37,945
From the Springfield Elementary
Afterschool Happy Hamsters,

480
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:41,990
the Philadelphia 76ers select
Ralph Wiggum, power forward.

481
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,827
I'm a millionaire!

482
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,995
(camera clicks)

483
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,538
{\an8}♪ ♪

484
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,832
{\an8}<i>HOMER: ♪ Try to be best</i>
<i>'cause you're only a man ♪</i>

485
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,502
{\an8}♪ <i>And a man's got to learn</i>
<i>to take it</i> ♪

486
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,004
{\an8}♪ <i>Try to believe,</i>
<i>though the going gets rough</i> ♪

487
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,757
{\an8}♪ <i>That you got to</i>
<i>hang tough to make it</i> ♪

488
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,301
{\an8}♪ <i>History repeats itself</i> ♪

489
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,804
{\an8}♪ <i>Try and you'll succeed</i> ♪

490
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:06,181
{\an8}♪ <i>Never doubt</i>
<i>that you're the one</i> ♪

491
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,684
{\an8}♪ <i>And you can have your dream</i> ♪

492
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,561
{\an8}♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

493
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,855
{\an8}♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

494
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,692
{\an8}♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

495
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:19,027
{\an8}♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

496
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,905
{\an8}♪ <i>You're the best around</i> ♪

497
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:25,867
{\an8}♪ <i>Nothing's gonna ever</i>
<i>keep you down</i> ♪

498
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:30,789
{\an8}♪ <i>You're the best</i> ♪

499
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,002
{\an8}Subtitled by Jimmy Boots