1 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:07,340 HOMER: What? Cheap, lousy... 2 00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,925 Ah, there. 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,011 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,767 (sleepy piano melody playing) 5 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,853 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,940 MOE: Springfield-- the city sleeps. 7 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,526 But a storm is brewing over the home of... 8 00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:30,238 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 9 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,531 MOE: Interesting fact-- 10 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:34,075 the singers that sang that song are all dead. 11 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,201 Enjoy the show. 12 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,123 {\an8}HOMER (over speakerphone): Hello, family! 13 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,750 {\an8}I'm 20 minutes away. 14 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,251 {\an8}Can I bring anyone a... 15 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,378 {\an8}Mmm, pork chop. 16 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,880 {\an8}(tires screeching) 17 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,467 {\an8}HOMER: Flanders, you need a new mailbox! 18 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,304 {\an8}(groans) 19 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,097 {\an8}(tires screech) 20 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,974 {\an8}(Homer humming) 21 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,396 {\an8}Are these from the gas station? 22 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,065 {\an8}Uh, Marge, please. 23 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:08,151 {\an8}They're from a supermarket that sells gas. 24 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,153 {\an8}(sniffing) Were you at Moe's? 25 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:13,448 {\an8}Yeah, celebrating St. Patrick's Day. 26 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,200 {\an8}(in brogue) Ah, the Blarney Stone, 27 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,328 {\an8}Angela's Ashes, centuries of troubles. 28 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,455 {\an8}It's not St. Patrick's Day. 29 00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,791 {\an8}Well, on the real day, the price of green hats 30 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,042 {\an8}goes through the roof. 31 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:26,252 {\an8}I thought you'd be happy I was saving money. 32 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,881 {\an8}Cheap hats? You ruined Sunday dinner for cheap hats?! 33 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,509 {\an8}That's not... (sighs) you know, forget it. 34 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}-That's it? -Yeah, that's it. 35 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,222 {\an8}Thanks for the flowers. 36 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:39,766 {\an8}I'm sure they were nice, but they're wilting now. 37 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:40,934 {\an8}(sighs) 38 00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:43,019 {\an8}Honey, when you were talking about those flowers, 39 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,438 {\an8}was it a metaphor for anything? 40 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,856 {\an8}Was it? 41 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,150 {\an8}Honey? Metaphor? 42 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,612 {\an8}So... I thought she'd be furious, but nothing. 43 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,907 {\an8}-She was as aloof as Steve Martin. -(both gasp) 44 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:59,327 {\an8}Ahoy-hoy. This is Sector 7G, where... 45 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,913 {\an8}where, uh... what does go on here? 46 00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:05,083 {\an8}Mostly we decide which of us should be on the lookout for you. 47 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,293 {\an8}Which was supposed to be you, Lenny. 48 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,503 {\an8}(mimics birdcall) Coo-coo-coo... 49 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,713 {\an8}Yes, well, this is Nigel, 50 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,382 {\an8}an old boarding school chum, 51 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:15,426 {\an8}and, uh, this Piccadilly Circus walkup is his wife. 52 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,053 {\an8}(Cockney accent) I have to go, luv. 53 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,430 {\an8}I've got to pick up a lip tint at the chemist's. 54 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:22,809 {\an8}Farewell, darling. You take the sun with you. 55 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:28,022 (chuckles) You never told me about her. 56 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,900 Well, you never told me about 57 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,569 your handsome young man. 58 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,237 Who, Smithers? (chuckles) 59 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,655 He just works here. 60 00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,532 Smithers, I see you're one of those 61 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,826 truly devoted people who make one forget 62 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,078 love is an illusion. 63 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,414 Eh, I'm just a man who enjoys his job. 64 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,249 Uh, time for your pill, sir. 65 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,836 (grunting) 66 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,173 (Burns grunting) 67 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,552 Did you swallow the cheese and not the pill? 68 00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,762 -Nuh-uh. -Show me. 69 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,724 (swallows) 70 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,225 That's a good boss. 71 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,727 Such devotion. 72 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,896 My wife is in love with her tennis coach, 73 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,856 (rolling "R") Rolando. 74 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,066 Well, I believe in true love. 75 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,027 Like the first time I saw profit. (chuckles) 76 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,738 A day doesn't go by that I don't think of that ledger. 77 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,489 (sighs) 78 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,074 Hey, Homie. 79 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,868 That's our cue. 80 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,456 Lenny, when you say, "That's our cue," then you're supposed to leave. 81 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:30,793 Dear God, so many times I must have looked like a complete ass. 82 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,129 Homer, this is the part of the marriage 83 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,215 where the needle is on "E," 84 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,551 but we still have a little more gas. 85 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,888 The brink of doom, where I do my best work. 86 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,681 And I want to break out of our rut, 87 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,808 so I brought us a nice lunch. 88 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:49,354 Oh, honey, you've given me a big appetite. 89 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,897 For what? 90 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,484 {\an8}HOMER: Careful, Homer, she's expecting a non-food answer. 91 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,820 {\an8}-For... you? -Oh... 92 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,740 {\an8}Well, I have to admit, that was suggested by the nose. 93 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,076 (nasally) Finally, some credit. 94 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,494 Mmm... 95 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,121 Wait, I want to know that you're really gonna change. 96 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,208 Marge, I get it. I truly get it. 97 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,752 And to prove it, I'm eating a carrot. 98 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,630 Oh... 99 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,757 Mmm. 100 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,718 Sir, do you need help with that tea bag? 101 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,137 No, I can talk to Nigel by myself. 102 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,141 Nigel, you were wrong about the Crimean War, 103 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,559 and you're wrong now. 104 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:30,436 Love can endure. 105 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,189 Oh, I could dissolve that union as easily 106 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,109 as the tea dissolves this sugar. 107 00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,403 Smithers, did you see him heft that sugar cube? 108 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,155 -Did I. -Monty, I can break up that couple, 109 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,825 and I'd wager five million on it. 110 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,743 -Dollars or pounds? -Pounds. 111 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,204 -Sterling or flesh? -Sterling, this time. 112 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,707 Oh, that money is as good as mine. 113 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,458 Look at them spooning. 114 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,668 (giggles) 115 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,170 (both munching) 116 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,588 (whistle blows) 117 00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,425 Hmm. (humming happily) 118 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,593 Excuse me there, Simpson. 119 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,345 May I buy you a drink? 120 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:08,266 Thanks, Alfred, but my marriage is in a very unusual condition-- 121 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,101 good-- and I want to get home. 122 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,520 Now, now. I'm an old friend of your boss's, 123 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:16,190 and if you turn me down, it will not go down favorably. 124 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,192 Will it go down unfavorably? 125 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,278 -Mm, it may. -(shrieks) 126 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,196 -Very well, then. -(cell phone chimes) 127 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,364 (Homer groans) 128 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,825 No texting your wife. 129 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,953 I'll just tell her I'm drinking with an English guy. 130 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,374 (cell phone chimes) 131 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,876 What does that mean? 132 00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:37,378 He'd better just be around the corner. 133 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,592 (disco music playing) 134 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,721 Oh. 135 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:51,684 ♪ ♪ 136 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,688 Oh! 137 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,359 And everyone left the hot tub except for Ringo, 138 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,652 Princess Margaret, and me. 139 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,446 Yeah, uh, listen, Dr. Dolittle, 140 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,699 I like hearing you talk, but I got to get home. 141 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,786 So, been married long? 142 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,246 Knocked her up right after high school. 143 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,333 I can't listen to that story without getting weepy. 144 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,585 Hey, hey, that's my talking bar rag! 145 00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,670 Let go of that! 146 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,839 You doing all right there, Raggy? 147 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,092 Yeah, that's good. 148 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,303 So, Homer, the only woman 149 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,138 you've ever been with is your wife. 150 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,473 How shall I put this? 151 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,893 You thumped one melon and left the store satisfied. 152 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,812 If you knew anything about me, 153 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,524 you would know I would never, ever shop in the produce section. 154 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:43,361 Homer, have you ever thought there might have been other melons-- 155 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:46,239 bigger, smaller, more exciting? 156 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:49,200 Oh, the women I could have had. 157 00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,786 You drew me in fifth grade, 158 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,996 and I've never gotten over you. 159 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,708 I like a man who pours me on everything. 160 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,377 (shuddering) Oh... 161 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:03,297 I think it's time I went home to my wife. 162 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,634 (shrieks) 163 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:10,054 I fear my seed landed on barren soil. 164 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,348 Oh, yeah, he's crazy about that Midge. 165 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,601 Eh, she's got it all. Hair that goes on forever... 166 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,645 Moe, I always wondered something. 167 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,689 Who are you talking about when you say "Midge"? 168 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,107 Why, Marge, of course. 169 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,191 -What the... -(grunts) 170 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,901 Wait'll Midge hears about this! 171 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:27,655 Hmm, this might be worked from another angle. 172 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:31,492 So, Moe, you find Homer's wife attractive? 173 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,453 Yeah. She barely knows I exist. 174 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,663 Which is the only thing I got going for me. 175 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,832 Well, how would you like me to set you up 176 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,001 in a more elegant establishment? 177 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,586 More elegant than this? 178 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,129 Aah! 179 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:46,591 This may just be the bonk on the head talking, but sure. 180 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:47,550 Oh. 181 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,593 (tires screech) 182 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,178 (worried groaning) 183 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,513 Marge, I know I'm late, 184 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,265 but I'm really sorry. 185 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:57,977 "Sorry" and "Congratulations, Graduate." 186 00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,353 They had a two-for-one sale. 187 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,272 -Now, I'm late because... -Don't bother. 188 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,857 -But there's a really good... -It's too late. 189 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,525 But you're... you're gonna laugh when you... 190 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,612 No. I just have to accept that you're never going to change. 191 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,156 No, no, don't give up. I've changed before. 192 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,866 I lost my hair and got fat. 193 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,117 Good night. 194 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,869 Oh, good night. 195 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,996 (Homer snoring) 196 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,374 (sobbing) 197 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,422 ♪ ♪ 198 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,225 (crying) 199 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,019 (yawning) 200 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,396 -How was your night? -The usual. 201 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,778 (worried grunting) 202 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:51,697 So, it's Saturday morning. 203 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,991 -What do you want to do today? -Nothing. 204 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,536 Hey, Homer, I got an extra ticket for the ball game. 205 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,663 -Box seats. -He'll take it. 206 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,164 Marge, no. 207 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,083 Flanders ruins baseball. 208 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,001 He adds the word "Lord" to the end of 209 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,962 "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." 210 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:09,173 FLANDERS: ♪ Take me out to the ball game, Lord ♪ 211 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,343 ♪ Take me out with the crowd, Lord ♪ 212 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:15,972 BOYS: ♪ Buy us some water and that's just fine ♪ 213 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,766 ♪ All I drink is communion wine ♪ 214 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:22,228 ♪ For it's pray, pray, pray to our Jesus ♪ 215 00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:25,648 -(Homer groans) -♪ If we don't win, it's His will ♪ 216 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,151 ♪ 'Cause He's one, two, three Gods in one ♪ 217 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,029 ♪ At the baseball church ♪ 218 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,197 ♪ We're at church♪ 219 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,282 D'oh. 220 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:37,034 Hi, hon, I'm near Moe's, but I can come right home. 221 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,036 I haven't even put a coin in the meter. 222 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,539 -Just what I needed to hear. -(coin clinks) 223 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,208 Oh... oh, damn it. 224 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,127 (gasps) 225 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,965 Aw, maybe now I can finish my novel. 226 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,467 I just wish I hadn't left it in there. 227 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,266 Yeah, well, don't worry, you still got old Moe. 228 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,893 Moe 2.0. It's a whole new me. 229 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:06,230 I even bought one of those new gizmos that everyone's using. 230 00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,317 Why'd you close the bar? 231 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,069 Well, I've been set up in a high-end establishment 232 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,821 by a well-heeled backer. 233 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,157 Really, you should see the heels on this guy. 234 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,825 MoHo House? 235 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,369 Yes, MoHo House, the vaguely British, 236 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,664 invitation-only club that celebrities who don't want publicity 237 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,458 can be sure to be seen at. 238 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,044 I'm going there now. Don't tell anyone. 239 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,173 Tonight is the grand opening for the town's hottest new destination, 240 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:35,509 run by the man most in demand for Springfield's haunted houses, 241 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,094 Moe Szyslak. 242 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,554 -(growling) -(gasping) 243 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,056 Oh, sorry, force of habit. 244 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,308 (chuckles) How you doing? Good to see you, Mr. Mayor. 245 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,435 Bumblebee Man, ¿cómo está? 246 00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,062 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 247 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:49,565 No can do, Mr. quote, Movie Star, end quote. 248 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,151 Your last picture... (chuckles) was a bomb. 249 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,362 The trailer gave away too much, 250 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,322 like, uh, the fact that it was terrible. 251 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,782 I deserve a good time. 252 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,325 I can have a good time. 253 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:00,910 The heck with Homer. 254 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,413 Thanks for the lift, Homer. 255 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,831 (tires screech) 256 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,249 (groans) 257 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,544 I really don't think you're taking this seriously enough. 258 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,380 (chuckles) 259 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,883 BURNS: What are you up to, Nigel? 260 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,135 Oh, just stacking the deck in my favor, 261 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,221 as sporting men are wont to do. 262 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,099 A posh club, beautiful single men and women, 263 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:27,478 irresistible temptations to my unsuspecting quarry. 264 00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:30,398 (scoffs) Good luck breaking them apart. 265 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,816 -See you. -Hmm. 266 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,317 (gasps, shudders) 267 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,944 HOMER: I can have fun by myself. 268 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,696 Would you care to spill a drink on me 269 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,864 and use it as an excuse to meet me? 270 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,282 Can I eat the cherry first? 271 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,659 Don't take too long. 272 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,703 I might-- I asked for extra cherries. 273 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:47,081 (whispering loudly) They don't charge for extra cherries. 274 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:51,085 Monty, what say we make this wager something meaningful? 275 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,128 Like what? 276 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,255 How about my entire fortune 277 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,424 against your boy Friday? 278 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,676 -(gasps) -Smithers? 279 00:11:58,759 --> 00:11:59,802 (grunting) 280 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,887 Oh. (groans) 281 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,056 Well, I can't possibly lose. You're on. 282 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,642 Mr. Burns, you can't use me as a gambling chip. 283 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,477 Check your contract. 284 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,438 (sighs) I'll be darned. 285 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,858 It also says I'm permitted to mold your hair into whimsical shapes. 286 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,234 Smithers want a cracker? 287 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,361 (groans) Got to get a better lawyer. 288 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,989 Ooh, those fingers. 289 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,198 (chattering) 290 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,950 The chimp yes, the clown no. 291 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,786 Don't tell me, it's because I'm Jewish. 292 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,414 No, it's 'cause you're a has-been nobody likes, all right? 293 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,667 Please tell me it's because I'm Jewish. (cries) 294 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,253 -Moe, good to see you. -Oh, good to see you, Midge. 295 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,964 Boy, who knew you'd look so great in a strapless dress? 296 00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,174 Well, thank you. 297 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,510 Methinks I see my opportunity. 298 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,429 Why are you telling me? 299 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,181 I always considered us friends. 300 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,851 So, let-- uh, what's your name there? 301 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,187 Brant-- Brant here pour something for you. 302 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:54,023 We got loads of microbrew with crazy names, 303 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,651 like, uh, Hops-along Cassidy and Michelob. 304 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,528 So, uh, where's Homer? 305 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,697 We're not spending as much time together. 306 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,658 MOE: Whoa, this night, when I opened up a fabulous new bar, 307 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:07,203 just got interesting. 308 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,287 (soft jazz music plays) 309 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,206 Hey, Stogie, how about a little "Moonglow"? 310 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,666 Not the real moon. 311 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,460 Oh, you mean the drug. 312 00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:15,753 No, the song. 313 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,255 ("Moonglow" playing) 314 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:22,343 "Moonglow," that's my favorite song. 315 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,012 Yeah, you came into my bar seven years ago 316 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,764 and you played it on the jukebox. 317 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,099 I remember things like that. 318 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,935 So, you want to dance? 319 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:34,396 I actually do it a lot, but, uh, nobody sees behind the bar. 320 00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,110 I guess one dance couldn't hurt. 321 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,907 So, can you start Monday? 322 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,784 Oh, you won't break up the Simpsons. 323 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:50,621 I'm not used to getting my arms all the way around someone. 324 00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:53,499 Oh, God, I can't work for a man I'm not in love with. 325 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,918 I've got to fix this now. 326 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,630 Simpson, you need to patch things up with your wife now. 327 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,882 We're fine. Excuse me, bartender? 328 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,677 I ordered three dozen wings and I only count 35. 329 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,136 Listen to me, 330 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,680 this was gonna be a birthday present for my mother, 331 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,640 but I want you to give it to Marge. 332 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,267 Okay, what's the gag? 333 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,853 You have to reconcile with your wife. 334 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,855 Mm, there's always a catch. 335 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:19,024 I've seen a whole different side of you tonight, Moe. 336 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,028 MOE: Whoa, she's waving me home like a third-base coach. 337 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,989 But could I really do that to Homer? 338 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,574 Damn it, I need time to think here. 339 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,701 Sorry, this is great, but I got to go 340 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,619 stick plastic ribbons onto toothpicks. 341 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,079 That don't just happen. 342 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,791 If Moe can change, 343 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,626 why can't my husband? 344 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,630 Well, um, seems to me the reason your husband won't change 345 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,716 is 'cause he knows he's got a great thing with you. 346 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,301 If he suddenly treated you different, 347 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,886 that should worry you. 348 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,429 I mean, duh, I guess. 349 00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,847 You know? Duh? 350 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,432 -Hey, Marge. -Homie! 351 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,017 I got you something. 352 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,811 (sobbing) 353 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,522 -What the... -That's not from you. 354 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:03,027 Can't you at least open it so I can find out what it is? 355 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:10,451 Marge... I got the best gift I ever got you in my life. 356 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,995 MARGE: Huh? (groans) 357 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,663 Okay, that's not great. 358 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,124 And why, if you were trying to be close, 359 00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,627 would you spend the whole evening away from me? 360 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,671 Hey, you've taken me off the market since I was 18, 361 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,632 which I immediately regret saying. 362 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,467 Look, I'm on my knees. 363 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,218 Why aren't you forgiving me? 364 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,971 I'll follow you. 365 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,933 Ow, hairbrush. Ow, alphabet blocks. 366 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,225 Ow, dog toy! 367 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,811 -(murmuring) Wasn't even a card for me. -(Homer grunting) 368 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,900 I hope you kids haven't lost any respect for your old man. 369 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,235 Uh, can't lose what you don't have. 370 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,071 Thanks, boy. 371 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,240 HOMER: Ow! Oh! 372 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,867 (thunder crashes) 373 00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,495 -(piano playing) -(sighs) 374 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,038 Something wrong, boss man? 375 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,624 When you finally get a shot at what you always wanted, 376 00:15:58,707 --> 00:15:59,959 do you really want it? 377 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,336 Frankly, that's a white person problem. 378 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,296 Wow, I never had one of those before. 379 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,756 Hey, what you playing there? 380 00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,842 Oh, just a little something I've been messing around with 381 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,763 that may or may not be a commentary on your situation. 382 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,808 ♪ ♪ 383 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,602 ♪ It was hopeless and new ♪ 384 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,521 ♪ New from the start ♪ 385 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,815 ♪ Her hair was blue ♪ 386 00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:26,318 ♪ As blue as my heart ♪ 387 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,988 ♪ Her husband was fat ♪ 388 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,991 ♪ And not very smart ♪ 389 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,911 ♪ So I'm writing this song to tell you it's wrong ♪ 390 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,665 ♪ To love ♪ 391 00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:45,379 ♪ An elephant's wife ♪ 392 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,423 ♪ It's wrong, baby ♪ 393 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,177 (squawks) 394 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,930 Homer don't treat her right. She should be loved. 395 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,391 Loved like Barney loves my bar. 396 00:16:57,474 --> 00:17:00,728 He's thinking of me, I know it. 397 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,230 This is going in my new novel. 398 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:09,486 My mind's made up. There's only one thing I can do. 399 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,114 (cell phone chiming) 400 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,703 Whoa, that's a conflicted look. 401 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:20,289 Are you a cashier or a psychiatrist? 402 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,000 (sighs) I was a psychiatrist. 403 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:26,670 Then I lost my license for prescribing too few meds. 404 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:39,433 You came. I wasn't sure you would. 405 00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:42,102 ♪ He wasn't sure you would ♪ 406 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,937 Let's go somewhere more private. 407 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:48,358 ♪ There's cameras everywhere ♪ 408 00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,613 -I needed to see you. -(thunder crashes) 409 00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,490 You're supposed to be my friend, Moe! 410 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:57,076 How could you meet my wife behind my back? 411 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,328 I did it because I'm your friend, Homer. 412 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,330 And that's why I invited you here. 413 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,874 To tell you that if you don't treat this woman right, 414 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,417 someone's gonna take her away. 415 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,919 Now, it won't be me, 416 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,755 but you don't leave the lid off a pickle jar like her. 417 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,257 -Right, Midge? -First of all, it's Marge. 418 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,177 No, I know, I-I don't know what my deal is with that. 419 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,970 But you're right about everything else. 420 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,722 Marge, I treasure you. 421 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:22,267 And to prove it, here's something I drew last night. 422 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,106 ♪ Why do birds ♪ 423 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,692 ♪ Suddenly appear ♪ 424 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,903 ♪ Every time ♪ 425 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:35,572 ♪ You are near? ♪ 426 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,992 ♪ Just like me ♪ 427 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,620 ♪ They long to be... ♪ 428 00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:44,331 Okay, we haven't achieved all our dreams, 429 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:47,042 but the day I met you, I had them. 430 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,377 I love you. 431 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,045 I love you, too. 432 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,092 Maybe someday I'll find happiness, but not today. 433 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,303 -Ugh. -(chattering) 434 00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,972 Mm-mm-mm. 435 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,391 A very touching scene. 436 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,688 Pleasure doing business with you. 437 00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,815 Uh, sir, who are you talking to? 438 00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:12,067 Why, Nigel here. 439 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,778 Sir, you're imagining people again. 440 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,364 Well, then who gave me this check? 441 00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,908 That's a coupon for free frozen yogurt. 442 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,326 Bah! 443 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,166 Where is he going, and why is my check torn to shreds? 444 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,543 You don't have to pay him, he'll be fine. 445 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,920 Use me in a wager, will he? 446 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,757 ♪ ♪ 447 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,809 {\an8}Wait a minute, this place was just built. 448 00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,144 ♪ ♪ 449 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:50,606 ♪ It must have been MoHo ♪ 450 00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,818 ♪ For Homer and Marge ♪ 451 00:19:56,570 --> 00:20:00,741 ♪ They got back their mojo ♪ 452 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:05,162 ♪ And now they're living large ♪ 453 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:10,083 ♪ Still I hear you saying ♪ 454 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:13,212 ♪ What happens to Moe? ♪ 455 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:19,635 ♪ He'll go back to his hellhole ♪ 456 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:24,139 {\an8}♪ That's the ending of the show ♪ 457 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,059 {\an8}♪ Except for the tag ♪ 458 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,689 Okay, sir, we've revised my contract, 459 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,775 so you can no longer proffer me in a wager, 460 00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,361 throw me in a volcano, use me as a chew toy for your tiger... 461 00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,613 (chuckles) Sabu will be disappointed. 462 00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:43,158 ...use me as a human Christmas ornament, or jack-o'-lantern, lit. 463 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,577 But I still agree to be mummified with you if you pass. 464 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,162 Excellent. 465 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,000 Mm, it's good to be back. 466 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,461 ♪ ♪ 467 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 468 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,965 Subtitled by E. Jaeger