1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:06,707
* The Serfsons.

2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,077
*

3
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,937
Aw, water soup again?

4
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,540
(squawks)
Now it's crow soup.

5
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,742
Ooh, I call an eye!

6
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,544
Me, two!
Me, three!

7
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,713
And Maggie gets the beak.

8
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,748
(squeals happily)

9
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:52,220
(neighs)
(all gasp)

10
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,256
Your hovel got
in the way of my horse.

11
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,391
Kiss his hooves
in apology.

12
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,059
Mm! Mm! Mm!

13
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,229
(chuckles): Oh, please,
forgive us, noble steed.

14
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:05,065
Mm! Mm! Our nostrils are not
worthy of your mighty stench.

15
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,401
Mm! Mm! Are those
new horseshoes?

16
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,403
Oh, they look good on you!

17
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,438
Mm! Mm! Mm!

18
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,739
(neighs)

19
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,607
(disgusted whinny)

20
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,077
Lousy nobles!

21
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:19,079
We serfs are starving,
while they're feasting

22
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,081
and jousting
and posing for tapestries

23
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,916
where they're friends
with a unicorn.

24
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,752
As if any unicorn
would like them.

25
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,920
Unicorns like nice people--
I'm a nice person.

26
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,757
Young lady, that kind of
talk is anti-feudalist,

27
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,425
and I won't have it!

28
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,061
Without feudalism, we
wouldn't have this hovel,

29
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,165
our bountiful filth,
or my awesome buboes.

30
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,900
Ooh-hoo. I'll lance you later.

31
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,435
(panting heavily)

32
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,003
(inhaling deeply)

33
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,406
Bart! They just stuck
new severed heads up

34
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,074
on the city walls!

35
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,942
Oh! Can we go, Ma?
Can we? Can we?

36
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,078
That's a lovely idea.

37
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,113
Oh. And we can bring my mom.

38
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:56,284
I hope she's doing okay
in her new nursing home.

39
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,119
(snoring, wheezing)

40
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,189
Which one is your mom's web?

41
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,123
GRAMPA:
Son, is that you?

42
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,392
No.

43
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,428
MRS. BOUVIER:
Ah, you ruined my nap!

44
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,129
Just like you ruined
my daughter's life.

45
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,731
That's her.

46
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,470
They didn't skimp
on the tar.

47
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:19,307
That's the secret
to long-lasting heads.

48
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,809
Ooh, there's
Ned Flanders!

49
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,312
It's always nice when
you know someone.

50
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:28,048
Those are the kind of sideburns
I was saying you should grow.

51
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,383
Hmm...

52
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,051
Pretty sharp.

53
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,654
Pretty, pretty sharp.

54
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,289
See how the heads
of rich people

55
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,225
get the tallest pikes
with the best view?

56
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,492
It's so unfair.

57
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,494
I told you
to lay off feudalism.

58
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,330
It's the only system we know.

59
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,333
We have no choice about it,
and therefore it's the best.

60
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:48,001
The system is designed
to keep us down.

61
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,337
That's not true.

62
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,071
In a great country
like ours,

63
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,508
a poor girl can grow up
to be anything she wants--

64
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:57,645
a wife or a harlot
and... that's it.

65
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:01,382
I wanted to be a harlot,
but it's all who you know.

66
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,016
It's never too late.

67
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,386
Everyone is somebody's
weird fetish.

68
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,989
Mom. What's wrong
with your skin?

69
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,991
It's blue,
and ice-cold.

70
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,527
This could be a
serious disease.

71
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:16,029
Homer, she needs
medical attention.

72
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,032
Pretty,
pretty sharp.

73
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,535
(bells tolling)

74
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,704
It's never easy to say this.

75
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,873
You've got...
Genital Snerfs.

76
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,875
SNERFS:
* La, la, la-la, la-la

77
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,543
* We love our new home.

78
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,746
Doc, is there any way to
control occasional flare-ups?

79
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:33,881
Nope.

80
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,384
Yeah!
Yay!
Yippee!

81
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,718
(groans)

82
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,453
Now, what have we here?

83
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,022
Progressive
frozen-mortification!

84
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,925
This can only be the bite

85
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,394
of an Ice Walker!

86
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,861
An Ice Walker?

87
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,863
Mom, how did
this happen?

88
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,699
Oh, I dated a ravenous wight

89
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,901
who abhors the warmth
of the living.

90
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,969
And?
He got fresh.

91
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,306
I'm sorry, baby.
I know I screwed up.

92
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,308
But you got to give me
another chance.

93
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,909
I love you.

94
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,912
She's 900 years younger
than you, you pervert.

95
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,715
I like 'em young,
that ain't no crime.

96
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,550
(giggling)

97
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,819
Is my mom
gonna be okay?

98
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,921
Mm, I'm sorry,
but a week from now,

99
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,089
your mother
will be frozen solid.

100
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,326
No! No, that can't be.

101
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,761
She's barely into
her hag years.

102
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,931
All you can do is give her
leeches for the pain.

103
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,233
Here's an organizer.

104
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,670
So... so there's nothing
we can do to save her?

105
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,605
Mm... well,
there's one treatment.

106
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:34,908
MARGE: All we have to do
is buy this amulet.

107
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,777
My mom is saved!

108
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,278
Yeah...

109
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,113
but a hundred GP?

110
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,616
I mean, that's more than a
tenth-level fighter makes

111
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,652
in an entire campaign.

112
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,187
Don't worry, we'll
figure it out.

113
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,458
Hey, sweet young thang.

114
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,860
What time they cuttin' you down?

115
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,295
Ooh, baby!

116
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,864
(humming a tune)

117
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,299
(grunts, continues humming)

118
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:02,436
Okay, we just need to come up
with a hundred gold pieces.

119
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,605
How much do we have
in our savings?

120
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,640
Hmm... let me think.

121
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,643
There's that thing...
(mumbling unintelligibly)

122
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,479
(smacking lips, mumbling)

123
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,146
What are savings?

124
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,982
Well, then we can sell
our possessions.

125
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,617
The pig. The spoon.
(oinks)

126
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,818
The gelatinous cube

127
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,387
has to be worth
something.

128
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,821
DISCO STU VOICE:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

129
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,823
Is this because
of what happened to the cat?

130
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:26,627
I told him not to nap on me.
So... that's on him.

131
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,397
Look, honey,
I love your mom.

132
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,132
As crones go, she's tops.

133
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,167
But does it make sense--

134
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:38,005
I mean total sense--
to spend all that money

135
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:42,175
so a really old lady
can get a little bit older?

136
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,844
This is my mom's life!

137
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:47,014
This family will do whatever
it takes to keep her alive!

138
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,682
Is that understood?

139
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:49,917
Of course. Of course.

140
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,151
Good.
Good.

141
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,453
Good.

142
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,355
All I'm saying is...

143
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,424
(grunting)

144
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,492
(oinks)
Homer Serfson,

145
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:01,862
you are the most selfish jerk
in the entire Tri-Kingdom Area!

146
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,031
I should have listened
to that witch

147
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,333
and married
my twin brother, Markery.

148
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,202
Always here if
you need me, sis.

149
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,271
Get lost, freak!
She chose me!

150
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,541
You get that money
to save my mom,

151
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:16,710
or never set foot
in this hovel again!

152
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,680
Good things come
to those who wait.

153
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,914
Oh...

154
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,888
Is Marge still sore
at you, Homer?

155
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,524
Yeah. It's not like I
want to kill her mother.

156
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,860
I just want to let
her die from neglect.

157
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,395
(groans) If I don't get
the money for that amulet,

158
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,765
I'll be sleeping
on the iron couch.

159
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,236
Now, let's see here.
"An urgent message

160
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,739
for Milady Gwendolyn Partz."

161
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,608
Uh, Milady Partz?

162
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,110
Hey, has anyone seen
Milady Partz?

163
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,412
Ah, come on,
somebody grab Milady Partz!

164
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:54,782
That depends-- how
big is your dowry?

165
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,416
(all laughing)

166
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,554
You little craven, if I
ever get my hands on you,

167
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,591
I'm gonna slice you open and
drain all of your humors:

168
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,259
blood, black bile,
yellow bile...

169
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,761
"...and phlegm."

170
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,497
(both laughing)

171
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,434
(strained grunt)

172
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:16,970
(yelps)

173
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,639
Aah!

174
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,674
Okay, break's over.

175
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,811
(yelling,
grunting)

176
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,447
Uh, Lord Montgomery?

177
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,450
I've had some unforeseen
family medical expenses,

178
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:34,287
and I was wondering, could I
get an advance on my salary?

179
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,957
Uh, but first, can
I have a salary?

180
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,092
(chuckles)
Peasants.

181
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,995
Serfson, you've pushed
that wheel around and around

182
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,698
for 20 years--
did you ever wonder why?

183
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:47,034
Mostly I just push it.

184
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,502
Have you ever noticed
that the wheel

185
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,003
isn't hooked up
to anything?

186
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,006
(gasps)
The rumors were true!

187
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,643
But your work does produce
something very special--

188
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,177
human misery--

189
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,346
which, when collected,
ground into a powder

190
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:03,717
and snorted, gives rich people
tiny wings that do nothing.

191
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:06,486
So if you help me,
it reduces my suffering,

192
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,389
which means less wing powder
for my betters.

193
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,958
I'm glad we
had this talk.

194
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,826
But I really need
the money...
Flit-flit.

195
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,228
Thank you
for your time.

196
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,631
Mm...

197
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:18,866
(knocking)

198
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,303
(groans)
Hi, Azzlan.

199
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,905
Marge, my child.

200
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,876
I've come to offer solace
in this difficult time.

201
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,711
You mean convert me
to your religion

202
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,713
when I'm at my
most vulnerable?

203
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,982
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

204
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:38,051
I'm just here to ask you
an important question.

205
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,087
Have you heard the news?

206
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,489
Yes, yes.
I will be saved.

207
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,825
Thanks so much
for stopping by.

208
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,661
I'm just going to leave you with
this literature, praise God...

209
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,496
I can't go home
and face your mom

210
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,732
without the money
for that amulet.

211
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,233
In here.

212
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,236
Do you have your
lucky lead nugget?

213
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,771
Always.

214
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,406
A lead-lick a day

215
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:02,109
keeps the doctor a-blah...

216
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,246
*

217
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,447
(wind whistling)

218
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,622
(gasps) Gold.
Sweet, sweet gold!

219
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,090
Why didn't you ever tell us
you could do magic?

220
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,760
Because if the king finds
out, he'll take me away

221
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,195
and force me to be one
of his evil wizards!

222
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,031
You necromancing nitwits!

223
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,934
I wanted an all-seeing eye,
not this!

224
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,435
(sniffing)

225
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:31,271
No daughter of mine is gonna
end up in the hex trade.

226
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,440
(nose sneezes)
Now, let's go
buy that amulet.

227
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,876
And don't worry,
mum's the word.

228
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,145
Did you say "The Word"?

229
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,479
Hmm? Ah? Hmm?

230
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,781
(Lisa and Homer groan)

231
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,983
Hi, Azzlan.
Hi, Azzlan.

232
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,384
(grunts)

233
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,552
12-nothing.

234
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,621
My serve.

235
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,624
You know, eventually,
you're gonna run out of us.

236
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,626
I said, my serve.

237
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:55,729
Mom, I've got
a surprise for you.

238
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,497
Thanks to who?

239
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,634
I said it when I was 11,
and I'll say it now.

240
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,170
You're the greatest husband
in the world.

241
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,073
Mm...
(gasps)

242
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,741
Where'd a dirt-poor
loser like you

243
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,843
get all the gold
for that?

244
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,144
(chuckles):
Oh, well...

245
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,080
let's just say...

246
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,282
I strangled a leprechaun.

247
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,985
I'm not wearing that.

248
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,987
But without it,
you'll die.

249
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,489
Fine by me.
What?!

250
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,658
I want to die.

251
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,993
(groans):
Oh, typical!

252
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,661
"I want to live,
I want to die."

253
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:30,330
Just make up your mind--
they're both terrible.

254
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,767
Oh, I've lived a full life.

255
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,003
I saw a drawing of an ocean,

256
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,272
I watched my daughter
marry an ogre.

257
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,842
I am not an ogre.

258
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,610
My father married an ogre

259
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,247
after my mother was eaten
by a different ogre.

260
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,183
You're my mom.

261
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:53,053
I can't bear the thought
of saying good-bye.

262
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,692
(sighs)

263
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:01,061
You want me to live, I'll live.

264
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,832
(ringing)

265
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,902
Let's celebrate!

266
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,704
I'll roast a hobbit for dinner.

267
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:12,139
Mmm...

268
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,741
Bet you a packet

269
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,143
of South Farthing pipe weed
she picks me, Gaffer.

270
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,878
Hush now, lad.

271
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,547
The big folk will choose
who's tastiest and no mistake.

272
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,249
Ow! Ooh!

273
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,218
Hey! How do you know
you got them from me?

274
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,653
SNERFS:
We miss you!

275
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,988
We miss you, too!

276
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,156
Love you!

277
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,323
Love you more!

278
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,159
(Snerfs giggling)

279
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,095
Ow, ow, ow!

280
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,265
Hmm. Is it really so bad
for Grandma if she dies?

281
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,533
Won't she spend eternity
in the Fields of Bliss?

282
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,335
(grunts)
SNAKE: Ow!

283
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:45,405
Yeah. We're all going
to the Fields of Bliss,
Ow!

284
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,341
where the days are passed
in frolic most joyous.

285
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,744
BART:
Just frolicking? That's it?

286
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,413
HOMER: Sometimes, you wave
ribbons through the air.

287
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,082
But mainly, frolicking.

288
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,349
Doesn't that get old?

289
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,951
Did I mention the ribbons?

290
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,286
'Cause there's ribbons.

291
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,121
Fields of Bliss? Nonsense.

292
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,423
The afterlife is an
eternity of slaughtering

293
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,625
and being slaughtered
by your enemies.

294
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,860
Oh, yeah.

295
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,862
You're both wrong.
After death,

296
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,765
you spend all day counting
Goblin Jesus's money.

297
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,034
(chuckles) And it
better all be there.

298
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,368
71 mermaids.

299
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,137
Some where the fish
is the top part.

300
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,305
(laughs):
Top.

301
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:19,539
Mushrooms.

302
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,707
Everywhere, mushrooms.

303
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,775
(grunts)

304
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,543
Frolicking and ribbons!

305
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:27,547
Yeah, but what if
after we die, that's it?

306
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,149
We're just gone?

307
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,383
(all gasping)

308
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,819
So just poof?

309
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,554
Really? Poof, and then
just super nothing?

310
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,123
Mm-mm?

311
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,725
Well, it's clean.
I'll give you that.

312
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,294
(rocking chair squeaking)

313
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,966
Oh, yeah.

314
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,168
This is way better
than death.

315
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,970
Come on, Mom.

316
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,472
There's so many things
we can say to each other now.

317
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,074
Oh, really?

318
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,909
Okay, then, say them.

319
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,077
I'm waiting.

320
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,979
Oh. Um...

321
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,613
Well... (chuckles)

322
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:01,915
What about you guys?

323
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,417
What do you want
to ask your grandma?

324
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,086
I got nothing.
I'm gonna take a stroll

325
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,787
and enjoy the golden age
of cleavage.

326
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,289
Lisa?

327
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,791
Um... uh...

328
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,827
Oh! Well, Grandma,

329
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,296
tell us of your
most ardent swain.

330
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,665
I dated a shape-shifter once.

331
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,001
I thought I could
keep him from changing.

332
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,302
I was wrong.

333
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,504
Love is a fairy tale!

334
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,439
Oh. Uh...

335
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:30,177
Every moment with her
is a precious gift.

336
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,445
Yes. Yes, it is.

337
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,114
All that matters
is that we're a family

338
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,648
and we're together.

339
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,186
(all gasping)

340
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,959
Sorcerer-intendent
Chalmers.

341
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:49,029
Your daughter has been detected
using witchcraft.

342
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,364
Under the Magic:
The Gathering Act,

343
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:55,135
she is hereby
property of the crown.

344
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,804
What? My daughter
isn't a magician.

345
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,907
Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
but she is.

346
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:03,543
Yes, the moment that
she transmuted lead into gold,

347
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,378
our palantirs--
they just went bananas.

348
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,380
I've never seen palantirs
go so bananas.

349
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,149
It was the only way.

350
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,718
I just didn't want you
to be sad about Grandma.

351
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,721
(gasps) Oh, no.
This is all my fault.

352
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,656
Don't blame
yourself, honey.

353
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,892
We're all at fault
for doing whatever it takes

354
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,593
to make you happy.

355
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,062
(gasps)
Help!

356
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,563
You can't nap my kid!

357
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:24,998
That's kidnapping!

358
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,433
Toenail Imprisonum!

359
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,603
D'oh!

360
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,105
Lisa's magic?

361
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,207
Maybe I'm magic, too!

362
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,708
Abra-carumba!

363
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,911
Yeah, just grab a stick
and say a funny word.

364
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,047
Yeah, that's not
insulting to us at all.

365
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,714
Please don't
take my daughter.

366
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,284
She was only trying
to save her grandmother.

367
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,219
She sounds like
a wonderful kid.

368
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,655
Now please say good-bye
to her forever.

369
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,793
Take a peasant,
leave a peasant.

370
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,935
She's gone.
Lisa's gone.

371
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,771
Clip me out of here, Marge.
I'm gonna rescue Lisa

372
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:07,374
if I have to kill every
noble in that castle.

373
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,876
But Dad, serfs can't
rise up against nobles.

374
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,578
You'd be attacking
the system itself.

375
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,281
And nobody
loves feudalism more than you.

376
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,117
Son, feudalism
is a beautiful vision.

377
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,618
The Bill of No Rights.

378
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,887
One person, no vote.

379
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,123
But I'm willing
to betray all that

380
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,791
to get my daughter back.

381
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,427
Hey, you mind if
I dissolve those?

382
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,928
Uh, just checking.

383
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,965
Better to ask.
Better to ask.

384
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,967
Peasants, peons,

385
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,969
and distinguished beggars!

386
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,937
(chortling)

387
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:41,641
Aren't you tired of the nobles
taking the wheat we sow,

388
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,443
the yarn we spin,

389
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,312
and the wine we steal

390
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,981
from travelers
we murder on the road?

391
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,649
They even take our children.

392
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,818
And not just
the worthless Barts,

393
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,121
but the magical Lisas.

394
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,090
(all murmuring agreement)

395
00:15:57,124 --> 00:16:00,260
If we can put
a moon-spangled hat on a man,

396
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,795
why can't we
kill a bunch of rich jerks

397
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,132
and take their stuff?!

398
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,599
(all cheering)

399
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,835
(grunting)

400
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,103
(grunts)
(squeals)

401
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,538
(grunts)

402
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,542
(clamoring, shouting)

403
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,779
(shouting stops)

404
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,282
How are we
going to get over these walls?

405
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,117
Walls...

406
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,985
cannot stop us.

407
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,955
The trees will fight with you.

408
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,724
We will never
forget your sacrifice.

409
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,826
Sacrifice?

410
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,529
We could have torn down

411
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:39,699
the castle walls
in five minutes.

412
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,401
(chuckles)

413
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,570
Trees can't talk, silly.

414
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:48,007
(clamoring, shouting)

415
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,009
(yelling, grunting)

416
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,578
*

417
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,848
(pig squealing)

418
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,317
LISA:
Mom!

419
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,320
Dad! Help!

420
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,555
Milhouses,
save your girlfriend!

421
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,491
ALL:
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!

422
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,025
Okay, no, um...

423
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:09,496
I'm just a friend
who is a girl.

424
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,698
ALL:
It's something to build on.

425
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,435
(dragon roars)

426
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:19,106
You peasants are a drag-on
the economy.

427
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,241
Oh! I get it.

428
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,610
Because he's riding a dragon!

429
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:25,912
Aah!

430
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:29,416
My love for wordplay
is undiminished!

431
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,552
(gasps) Aah!
(screaming)

432
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,222
Oh, no!
We're losing.

433
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:37,924
We need to talk.

434
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,093
Now?
Yes, now.

435
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,595
It's time for me to... go.

436
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,897
(gasps)
Life is about moving forward.

437
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:48,067
Girls want to be women,
women want to be mothers,

438
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,036
mothers want to be grandmas,

439
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,273
and grandmas
want to know what comes next.

440
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,242
But what if
I'm not ready?

441
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,911
I wouldn't leave you if I didn't
know you'll be all right.

442
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,816
Okay, Mom.
I understand.

443
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,787
Maybe I was born a peasant,

444
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:10,089
but I'm going out
an ice queen.

445
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,825
(gasps)

446
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,817
(groans)

447
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,519
Ouch.

448
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:42,989
Now we won!

449
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,792
(all cheering)

450
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,360
Oh!
Mm.

451
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:50,463
My mom gave her life
to save ours.

452
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,365
Take comfort, Marge.

453
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,134
Now she's in
the Fields of Bliss.

454
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,637
No, she's in
Goblin Money Heaven.

455
00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,207
The afterlife is snakes
chewing your eyes,

456
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,874
but it feels good.

457
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,510
SNERFS:
This is our heaven!

458
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,212
(sighs):
Oh.

459
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:08,515
Or, as long as Grandma
lives on in our hearts,

460
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,517
then she's
never truly gone.

461
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,018
Until we die.

462
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,486
Then it's like
she never existed.

463
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,989
And, someday,
no one will remember you.

464
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:19,158
Or anybody.

465
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:22,028
All is well--
the nobles are defeated,

466
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,563
the dragon is dead,

467
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,731
and I've got a daughter

468
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,066
who can turn lead into gold!

469
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,503
Ooh. Um, actually,
I can't anymore.

470
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:33,206
Dragon fire is the
source of all magic.

471
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,041
And Grandma killed
the last one.

472
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,877
Everything wondrous and
extraordinary about our world

473
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,712
is going to fade.

474
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:41,348
(all gasp)

475
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:44,217
But maybe now we can use science
to improve our world.

476
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,918
With new technologies,

477
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,855
we can put an end
to poverty and disease.

478
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,357
Sure, it'll be hard work,

479
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,425
but far more rewarding
than waving your hand

480
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:54,727
over a rock
to change it into gold.

481
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,062
(chuckles)
I mean...

482
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,097
Please come back, magic!

483
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,068
Live, damn you, live.

484
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,636
(dragon groans)

485
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,275
(all cheer)
I am risen!

486
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,742
But what about science?

487
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,578
Oh, sweetie, who would

488
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,746
want to live in a world
without magic?

489
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,448
It would be so boring.

490
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,251
People would have to make up
fantasy stories...

491
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,420
Most of them poorly-
written pretenses

492
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,589
for explicit sex
and violence.

493
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,625
...just to escape
the tedious real world.

494
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,060
Oh. That does sound awful.

495
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,196
Look! The dragon is
burning our village.

496
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:34,233
(laughs)
I love our life.

497
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,251
* Dry your tears

498
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:55,087
* A journey's end

499
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:58,257
* The saga's done

500
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:01,093
* We part as friends

501
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:05,432
* We must away

502
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,767
* We cannot tarry

503
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,936
* The minstrel's burden

504
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:13,473
* Is ours to carry

505
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,642
* All other stories

506
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,578
* Will ever pale

507
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,314
* For we have sung

508
00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:26,018
* The perfect tale.

509
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:35,194
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH