1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,006
(thunder rumbling)

2
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:12,813
I'm scared, Mom.

3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,082
What if they take me?

4
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,016
Don't worry, Barterfinger.

5
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,052
You're always the last.

6
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:21,489
Even boxes of stale raisins
go before you, Butterfinger--

7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,191
I mean, Barterfinger.

8
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:24,558
(gasps)

9
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,260
No one ever wants the apple.

10
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,929
They must be afraid
there's a razor blade in me.

11
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,432
Yeah. That's the reason.

12
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,934
Maybe you'll be
dipped in caramel.

13
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,104
Oh, whoop-dee-doo.

14
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,071
(all gasping)

15
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,906
What the... Where am I going?

16
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,075
You're going to heaven, Dad.

17
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,577
GRAMPA: Those pearly gates
look a lot like teeth!

18
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,246
Change is always hard.

19
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,947
Well, I guess that...

20
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,217
(Grampa screaming)

21
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,252
Cigarette breath!

22
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,290
Oh, thank God.

23
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,159
We made it through the night.

24
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,364
And now you're on a high shelf,

25
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:07,135
where they'll forget
about you forever!

26
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:10,371
(crying):
Why won't the earth take me?

27
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,441
I hear you, my friend.

28
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:16,076
Mmm, candy.

29
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,745
Homer, no!

30
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,147
Don't be silly, honey.

31
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,714
Chocolate doesn't feel anything.

32
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,550
No! God, no!

33
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,084
Dad...!

34
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,487
I can't listen to this horror!

35
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,921
Okay, I'm on it.

36
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,157
(screams stops abruptly)

37
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,358
Thank you.

38
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,194
(chewing noisily)

39
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,200
*

40
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,442
(The Exorcist
theme music playing)

41
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,118
(thunder crashes)

42
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,987
*

43
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,666
It's here!
Maggie's first Pazuzu!

44
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,468
Your father
ordered this because...

45
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,337
Mm, why did you order this?

46
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,138
I thought it was pizza.

47
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,040
Yeah, I'll send it back
tomorrow.

48
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,176
Tonight we have
a cocktail party.

49
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,977
And we came early.

50
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:27,281
And I left my face
on your hand towel.

51
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,916
(Marge grumbles)

52
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:30,851
Hmm.

53
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,253
(humming a melody)

54
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,123
(groans)

55
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,625
Don't worry, Maggie.

56
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,027
While Mommy and Daddy
carouse downstairs,

57
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,129
you'll be here
in the dark with Pazuzu!

58
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,233
(to "When Irish Eyes Are
Smiling): * When Pazuzu's eyes

59
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,834
* Are glaring

60
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:50,538
* It's time to go to bed

61
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,807
* You'll see
demon shadows fighting *

62
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:57,545
* But it's just
inside your head *

63
00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:01,582
* When Pazuzu's eyes
are staring *

64
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,985
* The moonlight will turn red

65
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:10,190
* 'Cause Pazuzu's
in your nightmares *

66
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:13,160
* Until we all

67
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,029
* Are dead.

68
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,531
Sweet dreams, Maggie.

69
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,667
Don't let the Beelzebubs bite.

70
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,068
(door creaks)

71
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,404
*

72
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,039
-(piano playing)
-(lively chatter)

73
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,941
Nobody's eating my chowder.

74
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,444
Maybe I can take it
back home with me.

75
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:39,019
Maggie, sweetie,
you should be in bed.

76
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,789
(demonic voice):
No one leaves alive.

77
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,191
Ooh, her first words!

78
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,726
Did someone get that
on their phone?

79
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,928
LENNY:
Aw, she's got red eye.

80
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,897
She's a demon from hell!

81
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,732
Also, generic cola?

82
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,100
Really? (chuckles)

83
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,735
Cocktail fail.

84
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,069
(groans)

85
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,037
Thank you.

86
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,238
(all screaming)

87
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,812
(cell door slams)

88
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,114
Well, at least
we still got the liquor.

89
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,017
(whines, grunts)

90
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,820
(gurgles)

91
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,322
Ah, my chowder!

92
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,424
Someone's starting
the terrible twos.

93
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,991
(chuckles)

94
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:20,528
(demonic voice): Someone's
having an affair with his nurse.

95
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,132
-Say "ah."
-A... dulterer.

96
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:27,134
179? I...

97
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,135
(grunts)

98
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,571
(choking laugh)

99
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:34,007
I'm afraid that little devil
needs an exorcism.

100
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,110
I'm afraid they didn't
teach me those at Pepperdine.

101
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,512
*

102
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,114
Bible ribbons, that'll hold her.

103
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,417
(grunting)

104
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:44,985
-(groans)
-(toy siren wailing)

105
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,521
Oh, good, the police are here.

106
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,156
(chokes)

107
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,824
(owl hoots)

108
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,428
When is that exorcist
gonna get here?

109
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,996
Marge, we'll be fine.

110
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,131
Maggie just learned
what a circle is.

111
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,603
HOMER: Okay, whoever she stops
at has to change her diaper,

112
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,005
which appears to contain
flaming lava.

113
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,541
MARGE: Oh, you just never
want to change a diaper.

114
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,976
(Homer whimpers)

115
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,511
I'll handle this.

116
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,449
-(gasps)
-(shouting gibberish)

117
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,985
(muffled gibberish)

118
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,020
(losing breath)

119
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,825
Oops. Sorry about that.

120
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,494
First thing,
we'll see just how powerful

121
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,896
our demon here truly is.

122
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,731
The chicken goes...

123
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:33,333
(demonic roaring)

124
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,169
Well, there's only
one answer here:

125
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,839
-cut her loose!
-Are you sure?

126
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,074
If you can't trust
a Catholic priest with a child,

127
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,175
who can you trust?

128
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,110
(Marge groans)

129
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,915
*

130
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,988
By the power of Christ,
I say devil be out!

131
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,557
That's all you've got?

132
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,158
Well, I say it three times.

133
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,527
This guy's good.

134
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,028
Devil be out!

135
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:06,500
I am Pazuzu,
demon of the southwest wind.

136
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,937
Wait, wait, so you're not even
as powerful as the south wind

137
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,271
or the west wind?

138
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,006
How lame is that?

139
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,374
I used to be very important.

140
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,709
Google it.

141
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,511
-Devil be out!
-(thunder crashes)

142
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:20,113
Google it!

143
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,317
*

144
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,955
Your baby is saved.

145
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,023
Fantastic.

146
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,292
She's not going to be
a religious weirdo, is she?

147
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,127
-No.
-Fantastic.

148
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,429
Now hush.

149
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,631
Pazuzu is still among us.

150
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,066
But where?

151
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,235
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

152
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,604
(gasps) Bart?

153
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,372
(demonic voice):
Let me out, let me out!

154
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,041
This boy has the darkest soul
I've ever seen.

155
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,144
It's worse than working
for David Schwimmer!

156
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,247
Yo, Pazuzu, grow me some horns.

157
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,483
(Homer chuckles)

158
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,418
Those aren't horns,
those are nubs. (laughs)

159
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,954
No, no, no!

160
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:03,824
(nasally): Well, at least
it'll get me out of jury duty.

161
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,858
D'oh!

162
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,564
*

163
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,967
* Lisa, Lisa
wants a better life *

164
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:17,905
* Lisa, Lisa,
go under the knife *

165
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:21,942
* Homer, Homer
got a button wife. *

166
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:26,980
So, anyone want to pick up
litter at the park today?

167
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,148
How about you, Maggie?

168
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,350
She's still got
a touch of Pazuzu.

169
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,085
At least she never threw up.

170
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,121
(demonic retching)

171
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,862
That's just great.

172
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,031
Everywhere but the sink.

173
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,835
(groans) Sometimes I think
I was born in the wrong family.

174
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,770
(cat meowing)

175
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,338
Oh? Hey, Mr. Cat.

176
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,340
What are you playing with?

177
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,042
A secret door?

178
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:58,111
We don't have smoke alarms,
but we have this?

179
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,881
HOMER (in distance):
Smoke is its own alarm.

180
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,050
No, no, Snowball, come back!

181
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,085
It's too dangerous!

182
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,325
Sometimes tiny doors
lead to big opportunities.

183
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,395
-(gasps) You could talk?
-Indeed.

184
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,131
For centuries, the cat has been
the symbol of intelligence,

185
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,067
the otherworld savoir faire--

186
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,535
Ooh, shiny!

187
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,537
Oh, there it is. Where'd it go?

188
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,238
There it is. Where'd it go?

189
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,174
There it is.
Where'd it go?

190
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,341
(clears throat) Enough.

191
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,544
Let's go meet your other family.

192
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,980
(gasps) Other family?

193
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,884
Already the talking cat isn't
the most interesting thing.

194
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,919
-(door creaks)
-(Lisa gasps)

195
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:46,760
Whoa! For a Halloween show
middle segment, this is amazing.

196
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,796
-(Homer humming a melody)
-(Bart chewing noisily)

197
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:54,467
Every girl's dream,
a perfect family.

198
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,838
(screams)

199
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,940
Good morning, sleepyhead.

200
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,275
For breakfast, tofu or kale?

201
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,077
Oh, that's nice.

202
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,179
But what's with the button eyes?

203
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,548
We don't all have
button eyes, silly.

204
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,183
Some have button mouths.

205
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,185
(muffled):
What's up?!

206
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,355
Lisa, would you like
to jam with us?

207
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,957
You like jazz?

208
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,632
(lively jazz music playing)

209
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,806
You're all good,
but not better than me.

210
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,142
I wish I could stay forever.

211
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,977
Oh, but you can.

212
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,279
All right. Let me guess.

213
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,415
Do you have to sew buttons
over my eyes?

214
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,984
Don't worry, sugar plum,

215
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,053
we'll give you
a button to bite on

216
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,554
while we sew 'em on.

217
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,957
-(screams)
-Hold steady.

218
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,126
(panting)

219
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,128
Oh, sweetie,
you're just in time.

220
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,130
I killed a snake
with your saxophone and--

221
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,298
Can you blow its head out?

222
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,901
Here, let me just wipe the blood
off the mouthpiece.

223
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,636
Buttons, please.

224
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,108
Hmm, something's missing.

225
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,578
Didn't we have a kid
between Bart and the baby?

226
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,514
Little smarty pants,
plays the flute, I think.

227
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,950
Lisa. She's been gone for days.

228
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,919
And the police
have been no help.

229
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,855
That's not true. I helped you
reassemble that high chair.

230
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,958
Damn it!

231
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,994
(Wiggum grunting)

232
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,965
Well, we got two kids now,
so no favoritism.

233
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,802
Maggie will get Lisa's room,
Maggie will get Lisa's clothes,

234
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,203
Bart will get Lisa's homework.

235
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,139
Cowabunga!

236
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,340
(Marge humming)

237
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,509
(gasps)
Bart! How'd you find me?

238
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,111
I had an informant.

239
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,013
I know, he can talk.

240
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,148
He can? I just followed him in.

241
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,218
Oh, God. Now I'll
have to talk to him.

242
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,521
Uh, I don't think
he's coming back.

243
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,323
How can you be so calm?

244
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,458
I bore both those children.

245
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,194
Hey, your stories aren't great,
but I wouldn't call them boring.

246
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,629
(groans):
Oh.

247
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,664
I'm going in there now.

248
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,003
You really did it
this time, Homer.

249
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,839
You lost your family.

250
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,974
Wait, you can speak
on this side?

251
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,843
Yes, I just don't like to.

252
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,477
Makes the dog feel inferior.

253
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,812
(whining bark)

254
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:19,813
All right.

255
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,414
(grunting)

256
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,916
Oh! So tight.

257
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,986
Why did I eat
that second lunch at lunch?

258
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,821
Someone kick me in the ass!

259
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,289
(grunts) Thank you!

260
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,394
What is it about this world
that's so great?

261
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,197
The Homer in this world
doesn't pass gas.

262
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,900
That was a three-button job.

263
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,935
Would you like to have two eyes?

264
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,772
We can talk to each other
while you watch TV.

265
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:48,108
Just what Homer needs,
an excuse to get lazier.

266
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,442
Why, you little...

267
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:53,713
I'll lazy you,
you otherworldly...

268
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,883
-What the...
-That was my Bart!

269
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:59,052
Boy, sure is hard to see
with buttons on your eyes.

270
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,054
D'oh!

271
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,090
(gasps)
You killed my husband!

272
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,628
HOMER: Spider wife, dead son,
two girls with button eyes?

273
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,664
I think this marriage has
finally gotten out of its rut.

274
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,301
(vacuum whirring)

275
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,270
Yep, I got everything
just the way I want it,

276
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,440
including an extra me to go
to parent-teacher conferences.

277
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,710
Oh! Bart drew this picture
of his family.

278
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,946
Now we're getting visits
from a social worker

279
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,380
and an exterminator.

280
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,982
I'll be ready.

281
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,283
-(gunshot)
-(chain saw buzzes)

282
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:33,086
And I've learned,
no matter how bad things are,

283
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,989
they can get much, much worse.

284
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:38,058
(muffled):
Huh, you're telling me.

285
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,993
Haw... haw.

286
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,564
(instruments warming up)

287
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,133
-(clears throat)
-(instruments stop)

288
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,435
No one will be seated
during the third act

289
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,070
of this Halloween show.

290
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,140
What you're about to see
is so disgusting

291
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,076
you'll watch Game of Thrones
to calm down.

292
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,978
You have been warned.

293
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,013
*

294
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,760
Man, am I jealous of you guys.

295
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,796
Two weeks in Lima, Ohio,
with Patty and Selma

296
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,866
while I'm stuck here working.

297
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,768
It's gonna be lonely.
So lonely.

298
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,871
Well, if you really
want us to stay...

299
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,039
We've already kissed good-bye
and the car heard it!

300
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,010
(tires screeching)

301
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,545
They're gone.
Not a second to waste.

302
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,581
(laughing)

303
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,786
(to "On the Road Again"):
* Left alone again

304
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,789
* Yes, I'm eating
provolone again *

305
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,726
* Food just tastes better
in the bathroom now and then *

306
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:50,998
* I just love being
left alone again *

307
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,566
* Left alone for days

308
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,204
* I ate two dozen bags
of Frito-Lays *

309
00:13:57,237 --> 00:14:00,707
* I'm gonna brush my teeth
with mayonnaise *

310
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:04,177
* Now my sweat tastes
just like doughnut glaze. *

311
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,947
(shrieks)

312
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,750
(shrieking)

313
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,088
Not a single morsel
in the house!

314
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,090
(gasps)

315
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,225
A forgotten hot dog.

316
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,028
Oh, you're shivering.

317
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,930
I'll take care of that.

318
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,100
(to "Happy Birthday"):
* Happy birthday to meat

319
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,236
* I can't wait to eat.

320
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:32,105
-Now to slit it down the middle.
-(dog barks)

321
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,107
I'm not splitting it with you.

322
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,943
I'm just teaching you
how it's done.

323
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,077
(barks)

324
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,912
(groans)

325
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,480
Still frozen.

326
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:44,551
(screams) My finger!

327
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,219
My hot dog!

328
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,890
(sizzling)

329
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,459
My finger! My poor...

330
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,893
(moaning)

331
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,728
...delicious finger.

332
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,564
(sniffs) Wait a minute.

333
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,799
I can't eat my own finger.
It's unholy.

334
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,234
Also, it's not quite done.

335
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:04,404
But sometimes a man has to do
the unthinkable,

336
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,907
like eat something medium-rare.

337
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:08,908
Oh!

338
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,410
(fireworks whistling, popping)

339
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,579
-(to "Hallelujah Chorus")
-* Hey, you ate you

340
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,314
* You tasted great, you

341
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,583
* Hey, you ate you,
hey, you ate you *

342
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,119
* You cooked and ate you.

343
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,120
-(phone chimes)
-Hmm?

344
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,454
Hmm.

345
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,490
(hums softly)

346
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,795
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.

347
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,830
It makes complete sense.

348
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:34,601
I eat more and exercise less
than the most succulent pig.

349
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,069
Of course I'm delicious!

350
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:39,973
But I must never
eat me again. Never!

351
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:43,176
On the other hand
is my other finger.

352
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,912
And one thing I love
is consistency.

353
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,947
(humming "Hallelujah Chorus")

354
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,151
Hey, there, Homer Aloner.

355
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,121
In the absence of the missus,
you want something delicious?

356
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,656
(sighs)

357
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,292
Don't worry, I'll be back.

358
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,999
(wheels squeaking)

359
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,035
Oh. Ooh, yuck.

360
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,869
Oh, disgusting.

361
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,439
Homer Simpson,
you don't like steak anymore?

362
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,808
Actually, I've become
a bit of a me-gan.

363
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,545
Do you have any spaghetti
with my-balls? Uh, meatballs?

364
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,480
"Me-gan? My-balls?"

365
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,116
Are you eating forbidden fruit?

366
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,984
Fruit? Ugh.

367
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,057
Sorry, Flanders,

368
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,460
but I've got more delicious meat
in my little finger

369
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,862
than you have
on this whole picnic table.

370
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,030
Speaking of which...

371
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:40,567
("Bustin' Loose" by
ReBirth Brass Band playing)

372
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,503
* Whoo

373
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,072
*

374
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,055
* Whoo.

375
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,556
*

376
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,063
I have really gone
to a lot of trouble

377
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,764
not to leave the house.

378
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,500
MARGE (in distance):
Homie, we're home!

379
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:14,501
(shrieks)

380
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,070
What's with the gloves?

381
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:20,173
Uh, I was watching
Breakfast at Tiffany's,

382
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,509
and I thought I could be
more elegant.

383
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,911
Elegant? With your waistline?

384
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,746
I don't think so.

385
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:30,683
Actually, Homer, you look like
you've lost 20 pounds.

386
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,685
Well, I have been cutting back.

387
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,687
That means something different
to me than you.

388
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,089
What's wrong with your leg?

389
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,225
Nothing. It was perfect.

390
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,892
(Marge grumbles)

391
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,096
(whirring in distance)

392
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:46,099
(groaning)

393
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:49,936
Homie, you shouldn't be snacking
in the middle of the night.

394
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,104
It can't be good for your...

395
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,972
(Marge screams)

396
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,045
This is, without question,

397
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,382
the worst moment
of our entire marriage.

398
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,883
-What about...
-This is worse.

399
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,385
Opa!

400
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,087
HOMER: Marge, I admit it,
this is a rough patch.

401
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,556
But I know when to stop.

402
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,958
And when would that be?
When you're just a mouth?

403
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:14,394
You see how she is, Doc?
Always negative.

404
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,962
She makes me feel like nothing.

405
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,131
You a almost nothing!

406
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,832
Almost nothing.

407
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,569
Homer, have you considered
your wife's feelings?

408
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,771
Perhaps she takes
this new diet of yours

409
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,406
as a comment on her cooking.

410
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,774
Marge?

411
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,076
I won't deny
that's a part of it.

412
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,244
See? Progress.

413
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,445
Now, excuse me.

414
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,515
I need to go get famous
talking about you.

415
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,984
Homie, I'm afraid this is it.

416
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,988
Your self-destructive behavior
has gone too far.

417
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,756
(muffled):
But, Marge...

418
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,092
Good-bye, my love.

419
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,195
(sobbing)

420
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,030
Maybe, deep down,
that's why I ate myself--

421
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:53,132
because I hate myself.

422
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,035
MAN: Sounds like
someone had a breakthrough.

423
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,638
Hi. I'm famous cooker-upper
Mario Batali.

424
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,040
-You mean "chef"?
-I don't care for that term.

425
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,043
Well, I know I don't belong
in therapy, but why are you?

426
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,179
I got depressed
because I ran out

427
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:08,014
of exciting new ingredients.

428
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,617
Homer, we need to talk.

429
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,452
Could we wok and talk?

430
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,986
Well, sure.

431
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,756
(sighs)

432
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,132
HOMER: My dearest family,
I love you so much.

433
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,068
And I think I've found a way
to earn your forgiveness.

434
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,870
Please come home.

435
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,872
Come home to flavor.

436
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,650
He wanted me to pass on
these final words.

437
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,984
"I've failed as a man,

438
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,053
but I have succeeded
as an ingredient."

439
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,221
I call the brain!

440
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,691
(sighs):
Ah.

441
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,660
He's gone.

442
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:58,030
Well, I guess I can be proud
that he succeeded at something.

443
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,066
Oh, it's a lot more
than something.

444
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,869
Homer's the biggest thing
in food since free refills.

445
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,103
(slurping)

446
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,072
(to "Hallelujah Chorus"):
* Hey, you ate you

447
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:08,275
* You tasted great, you

448
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,343
* Hey, you ate you,
hey, you ate you *

449
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,345
* You cooked and ate you.

450
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,547
How did they get so much meat
out of Homer?

451
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:17,784
Well, they mixed in some Barney,
Comic Book Guy and horse.

452
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,085
Horse?!

453
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,222
Do you know what it's like
to have everyone

454
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,691
eat of your body?

455
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,192
Yeah, like, every Sunday, pal.

456
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,727
(munching)

457
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,630
Uh, you know,
you don't get more of those.

458
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,846
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

459
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,111
(woman screams)