1
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,342
*

2
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,679
(exclaims)

3
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,752
(school bell rings)

4
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,156
(burps)

5
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,225
(whistle blows)

6
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,693
(yells)

7
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,232
(beeps)

8
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,870
*

9
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,906
(playing lively jazz music)

10
00:00:58,992 --> 00:00:59,993
-(horn honks)
-(Grampa yells)

11
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:01,995
(tires screech)

12
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:06,267
D'oh!

13
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,935
(grunts)

14
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,238
(organ playing old-timey music)

15
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,608
*

16
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,635
(organ playing upbeat version
of "The Simpsons Theme")

17
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,587
This is Kent Brockman
on location

18
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,622
among the good people
of Springfield.

19
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,458
-(Kent groans)
-MAN: Coward!

20
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:07,361
Because today, we celebrate
beautiful Skyline Park,

21
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,029
a reclamation project
built atop the ruins

22
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,432
of the Springfield Monorail.

23
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,202
CROWD (chanting): Monorail.
Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.

24
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,670
No, they're not building
a new monorail.

25
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,672
Why not?
This one couldn't fail.

26
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,274
(chanting):
Couldn't fail. Couldn't fail.

27
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,443
(lisping):
* It's a monstrous creation *

28
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,044
* Of mass transportation. *

29
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,078
(gasps)

30
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,218
RALPH:
Throw me again! (giggles)

31
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,520
No, we're repurposing
the old monorail track

32
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,622
into a completely new
and original feature

33
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,123
we ripped off from New York:

34
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,893
the Springfield Skypark-Line.

35
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,329
I love this space.

36
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,163
Planters, benches,

37
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:46,834
solar-powered
talking trash cans.

38
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:50,338
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Thank you for the used porn.

39
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,972
(buzzer sounds)

40
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,807
(Homer hums, grunts)

41
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,076
Huh? (grunts)

42
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:59,012
(grunts)

43
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,048
Uh, okay, uh, do we go, uh,

44
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:03,584
gut to gut or, uh,
butt-butt to nut?

45
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,354
Don't worry,
we'll use the bypass board.

46
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,490
Okay, fatsos, suck it in.

47
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,724
-Oh!
-Whoa. (chuckles)

48
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,159
(clothes squeaking)

49
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,161
(grunts):
Oh!

50
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,197
(chuckles)
I got Homer's sandwich.

51
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,832
I got Wiggum's gun.

52
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,101
And now, to culminate
today's events,

53
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,703
let's turn on the electricity

54
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,773
that illuminates
the tiny "no smoking" signs.

55
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,807
(electricity buzzes)

56
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,747
(electricity crackling)

57
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,753
Huh? Somehow the track
is getting juice!

58
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,825
Yes! Now to put it
on power save.

59
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,396
The monorail-- it's alive!

60
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,897
I warned you not to...

61
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,569
(people screaming)

62
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,343
Ha-ha!

63
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,446
(Wilhelm scream)

64
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,119
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Welcome, senior citizen.

65
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,355
(people screaming)

66
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,796
No more Nimoy!

67
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,403
On the positive side,
with this disaster,

68
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:32,005
we have surpassed
Detroit and Kabul

69
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,074
as the world's
most unlucky city.

70
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,743
Er, ah, er.

71
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:39,680
Couldn't you have at least put
little wedges under the wheels?

72
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,516
Er, uh, sorry, sweetheart,
but running a city is

73
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:46,186
a little more complicated
than getting your nails done.

74
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,088
-(annoyed groan)
-Don't you worry

75
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,190
your pretty little head
about it.

76
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,760
Mr. Mayor, that is so sexist.

77
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:56,196
Uh-oh, sounds like
someone's girdle is pinching.

78
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,198
(laughter)

79
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,700
Well, now, it's all in fun.

80
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,869
No one respects you ladies
more than I.

81
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:04,204
Now if you wouldn't mind
serving the coffee and cake,

82
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,206
we men can get down to business.

83
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,508
(Marge mutters)

84
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,510
This is the last time
I'm doing this.

85
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,345
So I better do it perfectly.

86
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,481
Here you go, Dr. Hibbert.

87
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,849
-(knife chopping)
-(Marge grunting)

88
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,952
I can't believe Mayor Quimby
talking down to me like that.

89
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,722
And by the way, women don't
wear girdles anymore.

90
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,392
We wear Spanx
and other shapewear.

91
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,926
(scoffs) Tell me about it.

92
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:34,067
People think we've moved on, but
this world is as sexist as ever.

93
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,636
Thanks, Obama.

94
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,571
What's so great
about Quimby anyway?

95
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:38,972
I could cut a ribbon.

96
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,574
And I could make it curl nicely

97
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,910
using the edge
of the giant scissors.

98
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,078
You'd be a great mayor, Mom.

99
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,914
You're organized,
you manage the budget,

100
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:50,250
and thanks to Dad, you're
an expert on the court system.

101
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,753
Fun fact: being a defendant
gets you out of jury duty.

102
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:53,754
(chuckles)

103
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,089
Mom, this is our time.

104
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,158
Wonder Woman showed
that if you're a goddess

105
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,395
with superpowers, there's
no limit to what you can do.

106
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,363
You could be mayor!

107
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:04,765
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

108
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,167
A woman prime minister, okay.

109
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,102
Women Ghostbusters, cool.

110
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,738
Woman head of
the Federal Reserve,

111
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,906
as far as I'm concerned,
what's that?

112
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,408
But a woman mayor?

113
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:17,945
If Mom becomes mayor,
we can get away with anything.

114
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,647
(hip-hop music plays)

115
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,083
Help me, Jesus!

116
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,118
(heavenly choir singing)

117
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:30,691
Pick a side.

118
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,460
(wind whistles)

119
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,862
(hip-hop music plays)

120
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,296
(laughs)

121
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,265
Hey. Where'd everybody go?

122
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:41,469
JULIO: Marge, this town
is ready for a change.

123
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,737
Quimby has been mayor,
like, forever.

124
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,573
You'd think he could
lose that sash.

125
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,641
It's like, we know, okay?

126
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:48,976
All right now, listen.

127
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,078
The key to victory
is micro-targeting.

128
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,446
Micro-targeting.

129
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,548
Think of the voters as a pie.

130
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:55,883
(phone rings)

131
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,151
Yes, Homer,
someone here said "pie."

132
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,820
I know, "Mmm, pie."

133
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,321
(drooling moan)

134
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,756
I'm sorry, go on.

135
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:06,494
Uh, we use data analysis
to divide the pie

136
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,161
into tiny little slivers

137
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,631
and tailor a message
to each micro-group.

138
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:11,999
(clears throat)

139
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:15,168
You just tell them what they
want to hear until you get 51%.

140
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,171
Then you can govern
like a far-right nut-job.

141
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:21,509
MARGE (to "Oh! Susanna"):
* I'm Marge Simpson *

142
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,844
* And won't you vote for me? *

143
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,514
* Whatever your obsession is *

144
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,016
* Is my priority. *

145
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:32,520
I stand with you
against revenuers.

146
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:35,188
Oh, uh, durn revenuers!

147
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,858
Well, you's the new John Galt,
aren't you?

148
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:41,962
Hey, can you take a picture
with our Ayn Rand scarecrow?

149
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,165
(cawing)

150
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,368
CHORUS: * From widows
to your lunch pail Joes *

151
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,871
* To vets of foreign wars *

152
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,140
* There's no
single-issue voter *

153
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,943
* My campaign will ignore. *

154
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,145
Marge, we really
appreciate this.

155
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,014
You're the first politician
that's ever met with us weirdos.

156
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:04,552
What's the biggest issue
you exotic pet owners face?

157
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,654
Keeping our pets
from eating each other.

158
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:09,189
Yes. As the owner
of an impala, I...

159
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,625
-Hey, where'd it go?
-Oh, boy.

160
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:14,895
* From soccer moms
to mafia dons *

161
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,698
* I'll give you what you need *

162
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,000
MARGE and CHORUS:
* I'm Marge Simpson *

163
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,770
* And won't you vote for me?
Yeah! *

164
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,906
Why do people assume
all I can do

165
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:29,009
is feed spaghetti to dogs
that want to make out?

166
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,343
What do you want to do?

167
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:33,246
Carve a little wooden boy
and make him come to life.

168
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,314
Oh.

169
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,349
-(Homer humming)
-*

170
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:45,158
Now, for our third and fourth
party candidates,

171
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,596
I regret to say you are just shy
of the polling results required,

172
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,430
so you're excluded
from the debate.

173
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,332
Bye-bye.

174
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,068
Mrs. Simpson, you've targeted
small constituencies.

175
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,070
Do you have any proposals
that would appeal

176
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,872
to every Springfielder?

177
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,275
Well, Kent, I am a mom.

178
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:06,947
And as a mom, I want to help
this town eat its vegetables.

179
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,548
(angry murmuring)

180
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,618
(chuckles)
Vegetables, Marge?

181
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,620
As moderator,
it's my duty to fact check

182
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,387
that many of them are yucky.

183
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,956
It's a metaphor.

184
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,457
Stinkin' metaphors!

185
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,426
I only trust similes.

186
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,928
I enjoy metaphors.

187
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,430
They're raindrops on the flower
that is the ear.

188
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,298
You put in a "like" or an "as,"

189
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,434
or so help me
you are going down.

190
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,972
HELEN:
She's completely cooked.

191
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,574
Unlike the chicken
she brought to the potluck.

192
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,877
LOVEJOY: Oh, Helen is
as bitter as the lemonade

193
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,311
she brought to the potluck.

194
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,414
What a terrible potluck
that was.

195
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,951
SIDESHOW MEL: Why wasn't this
a town hall event?

196
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,854
I like to see them
balance on the stools.

197
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,826
You know, my entire life,

198
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,495
that stupid tire fire
has been burning.

199
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,397
And it's ruined our town.

200
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,067
(murmurs of agreement)

201
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,302
I promise, if you elect me,

202
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,237
I'll put that fire out.

203
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,907
(excited chatter)

204
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,141
No tire fire?

205
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,843
Ooh, just like Zurich.

206
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:10,978
-Mm.
-Mm.

207
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,015
(bell dinging)

208
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,583
FRINK (singsongy):
Mm-hmm!

209
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,751
Is that enough?

210
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,853
And with the last senior citizen
gently reminded

211
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:23,190
that they cannot vote at IHOP,
the results are now final.

212
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,524
History is made.

213
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,493
Marge Simpson is our new mayor.

214
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:30,030
The first woman and the second
to pee sitting down.

215
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,365
CROWD (chanting):
Marge! Marge! Marge!

216
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:33,901
Thank you.

217
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,138
Homie, you want to make out
with the mayor?

218
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,708
What? No! Ew!

219
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,876
Oh, you mean you.

220
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,879
(both laughing)

221
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,047
Okay.

222
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,581
Now I really wish I'd voted.

223
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,853
*

224
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:59,226
Whee! Whee!

225
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,661
Look at me!
I'm a public servant!

226
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,063
Woo-hoo!

227
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,233
KENT: And so our new mayor
is doing what was unthinkable

228
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,802
in the Quimby regime: something.

229
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,104
Roll the 'dozers!

230
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,108
(crowd cheering)

231
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,079
(crowd gasps)

232
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,914
Well, sorry,

233
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:24,384
but I-I can't let you
put me out of business.

234
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,086
(chuckles)

235
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:30,924
You'd ruin the air for the whole
town just to sell knickknacks?

236
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,092
Knickknacks?

237
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,894
They-they may be to you,

238
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:37,064
but, uh, they put my son
through med school.

239
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:40,167
He named, um, uh,
a-a stammer after me.

240
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,669
(stammers)

241
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,837
You know.

242
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,605
(crowd aahs)

243
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:46,774
I failed.

244
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,876
I failed on my one promise.

245
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,344
(sighs): Oh.

246
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,613
And so, Marge Simpson
is already a failure.

247
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:56,383
The fastest fall from grace
since Mamie Eisenhower

248
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,152
destroyed a piano store
on inauguration day.

249
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,591
Hey, Mom,
want to get some lunch?

250
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,193
I'd love a lunch break,

251
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,296
but I've got to get
that tire fire out first.

252
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,365
Already neglecting your family,
Madam Mayor?

253
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,902
Why you little!
Don't embarrass your mother!

254
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,772
(Homer and Bart grunting)

255
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,607
(laughs)

256
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,481
(both laughing)

257
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,752
Guys, guys, stop!

258
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:33,921
I'm the mayor.

259
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,989
Everything you do
reflects on me.

260
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,324
Of course, honey.

261
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,159
It's just hard
to restrain yourself

262
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,828
when you're above the law.

263
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,662
We're not above the law.

264
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,232
Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it.

265
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,234
Hmm?

266
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,668
I want you to promise me.

267
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:52,172
Can you both behave like Lisa,
just for a little bit?

268
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,608
BOTH (high-pitched):
"I'm Lisa. I'm Lisa."

269
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,610
"I like music."

270
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,247
"My boyfriend is broccoli."

271
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,414
(kissing noises)

272
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,582
Hey!

273
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,185
We're here to buy your stand.

274
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,520
Yeah, well, it's not for sale.

275
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,257
(groans) All I want to do
is help this city,

276
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,759
and I can't because of
this ding-dong.

277
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,793
(crowd gasps)

278
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,363
How dare you
insult me like that?

279
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,697
I was there!

280
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,133
What? What, what,
what, what, what?

281
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,835
Clyde's a Vietnam vet,

282
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:24,204
a survivor of
the Battle of Dhing Dhong.

283
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,305
Thank you.

284
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,174
Than Kyu was his best friend.

285
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,010
Stepped on a land mine in
the battle of One Pun Too Many.

286
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,212
This is not good, Marge.
Not good.

287
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,713
(sighs): Oh.

288
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,883
Marge's beehive of activity
has become

289
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,684
a hornet's nest of trouble.

290
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,553
Also, our news broadcasts have
been reduced to two sentences.

291
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,721
Good night.

292
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,056
There's only one way out.

293
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,624
You're gonna have to do a live,

294
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,160
completely unscripted
heart-to-heart with the voters.

295
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,496
-Here's your script.
-I don't want a script.

296
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,763
Are you nuts?

297
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,200
Good evening.

298
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,735
I'm here to talk to you,
one-on-one,

299
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,939
just an ordinary mom
sitting in her kitchen.

300
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,909
This is a disaster.

301
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,977
I've seen counterclockwise
knob turning before,

302
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,345
but not like this.

303
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,382
Marge, what time
is dinner ready?

304
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,351
I'm in the middle of a speech.

305
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,852
So, 6:00?

306
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,487
You'll get it when you get it.

307
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,924
Wait a minute.
Something's turning them around.

308
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:20,427
Marge, can you cook
a Hot Pocket in the dryer?

309
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,395
(groans) Homer Simpson,

310
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,665
the only time you shut your
mouth is to keep food inside.

311
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,600
(gasps, stammers)

312
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,270
(laughter)

313
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,338
That's it.

314
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,940
She's turned
a gaffe-making tubby

315
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,374
into a laugh-yielding hubby.

316
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:35,943
Does that work?

317
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,945
FRINK (mumbles): Let's see,
the subter-hand is all right.

318
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,113
The math checks out.

319
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,249
I'll be the Kellyanne Conway
of this thing.

320
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,550
Kellyanne Conway?

321
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,053
I like how she always
looks like she just woke up.

322
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:50,123
I think it's inspiring how now
a woman can be Joseph Goebbels.

323
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,625
(murmurs of agreement)

324
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,795
Marge, do we have any bread?

325
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,130
Check your chest.

326
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,632
(laughter)

327
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,468
Woo-hoo!

328
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,635
Oh, my God.

329
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,137
Those are the highest
approval ratings

330
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:07,174
I've ever seen
for an incumbent: 53%!

331
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,643
*

332
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,749
Marge, your numbers
are simply fantastic.

333
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,686
And all you had to do was throw
your husband under the bus.

334
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,089
Well, don't tell me you're sad

335
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,756
about throwing your husband
under the bus.

336
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,259
I'm happy if he can
fit under a bus.

337
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,427
Zing!

338
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,030
Yeah. (chuckles) Zing.

339
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,402
Mr. Simpson, we're naming
a sandwich after you.

340
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,904
(gasps) My lifelong dream
has come true.

341
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,339
I've got this all planned.

342
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:42,142
Start with a full Reuben
with all the fixin's.

343
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,910
Put a club sandwich on top.

344
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,912
The bottom bun
is, at first glance,

345
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,981
a chicken-fried steak.

346
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,849
But it's worth a closer look,
because...

347
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,419
Sir, sir, sir.
We've already made it.

348
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,922
The Open-Mouthed
Turkey Goofball?

349
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,425
That is so not me.

350
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,527
But I'll take six.

351
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,196
We're honored to have
with us the mayor...

352
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,964
(crowd cheering)

353
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,700
...and First Doofus
Homer Simpson.

354
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,302
(laughter)

355
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:13,840
Homer's made Marge happy more
times than he can count: three!

356
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,208
(Marge chuckles)

357
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,045
And we're here for
a very, very serious charity:

358
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,546
Save the Whales.

359
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,681
All right, that's it!

360
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,983
No. That's really
why we're here!

361
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,985
(Krusty sobs)

362
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,187
I am not a whale!

363
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:30,557
I am a man with blubber
and several harpoon scars!

364
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,160
(Homer screams)

365
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,195
(whale-like groaning)

366
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,535
(concerned groan)

367
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,871
What a day for this town.

368
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,840
We've made a deal
with the librarians' union.

369
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:48,875
Shh.

370
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,043
Homer would've been here,

371
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,978
but he backed out
when he heard the library

372
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,713
didn't have any pop-up books.

373
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,249
(laughter)

374
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,786
(crowd cheering)

375
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,226
Great news, Marge.
You've tapped into something

376
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,862
women and men can agree on:
husbands are idiots.

377
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,231
Yeah, I guess.

378
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,865
While you're guessing,
I'm running with this.

379
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,567
Take a look at
the balloon we've made

380
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:15,868
for the Thanksgiving parade.

381
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,272
I don't care what people say.

382
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:22,542
My Homie makes one sexy blimp.

383
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,813
I need to talk to somebody.

384
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,122
Mayor Quimby?

385
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:38,425
No, just ordinary Diamond Joe.

386
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,926
Uh-oh, I know that look.

387
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:43,096
That's a mayor on the ropes
or a wife who wants a divorce.

388
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,564
I'm familiar with both.

389
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,065
Er, uh, indeed.

390
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:49,769
Joe, is it possible to have
a decent family life

391
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,904
and be a good political leader?

392
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,107
Marge, I don't want
to talk about that anymore,

393
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:57,110
but I'll tell you this:
retirement agrees with me.

394
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,611
The first night out of office,

395
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,114
I noticed a gorgeous woman
lying next to me,

396
00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:04,284
and I said, "Holy crap,
I'm married to her."

397
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,286
Go long, boys. (grunts)

398
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,322
BOTH (seal-like barking):
Er, ah, er, ah, er, ah, er...

399
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:14,494
Marge, there's no "mayor"
in marriage.

400
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,629
There almost is.
It's really close.

401
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:17,964
But I'm afraid not.

402
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,132
(grunts, chuckles)

403
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,433
Meet you in the boathouse later?

404
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,434
(chuckles)

405
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,436
Oh, Marge, I want to thank you

406
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,172
for giving me back my Joseph.

407
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,306
Will you stay?

408
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,575
I just made a giant pitcher
of gimlets,

409
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,843
but I can make a second one
if you're staying.

410
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,412
No, I have to get back.

411
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,782
We're christening a new
manhole cover on 4th Street.

412
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,284
(gulping)

413
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,285
So sad.

414
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,652
Can't you stay for a bit?

415
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,655
Uh, we need some help
serving coffee and cake.

416
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:45,425
I swear this is the last time.

417
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,460
There's more
where that came from!

418
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,666
Thank you. I couldn't be here
without my husband.

419
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,635
(laughter)

420
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,504
He's a big supporter.

421
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:58,971
So big...

422
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,540
(laughter)

423
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,046
(groans)

424
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,386
So big, I wish all of you could

425
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,388
know the love in his heart.

426
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:16,656
(crowd gasps)

427
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,525
Everyone, look inside yourself

428
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,828
and find your Homer Simpson.

429
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,730
BOTH:
Mwah!

430
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,368
(crowd murmuring)

431
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:33,740
(gasps) It's so beautiful.

432
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,778
We make the magic happen, baby.

433
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,790
*

434
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,167
Can we just skip that one?

435
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,236
I would, but you have
to walk through it

436
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,737
to get to the cafeteria.

437
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,439
Oh. Okay.

438
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,524
Shh!

439
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,962
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH