1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,008 * 2 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,416 (bell dinging) 3 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,720 (burps) 4 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,022 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,257 (Lenny yells) 6 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,570 * 7 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,606 (playing lively jazz music) 8 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,812 (grunts) 9 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,130 (horn honks) 10 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,267 D'oh! 11 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,968 (grunts) 12 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,971 * 13 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,840 FLANDERS: Okily dokily. 14 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:17,245 Aw, our own home. 15 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,481 * 16 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,490 (Grampa snoring) 17 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:32,593 All right. Takeout Chinese. 18 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,328 Everyone can have their favorite thing. 19 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,597 Bart, General Tso's chicken. 20 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,500 For Lisa, Pacifist Tso's tofu. 21 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,102 For Maggie, Kung Pao Cheerios. 22 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,505 And, Homer, I've got your favorite... 23 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,106 Favorite? That's my favorite. 24 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,108 ...MSG. 25 00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,179 Mmm. 26 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,680 Ah, needs salt. 27 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,215 (cell phone ringing) 28 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,151 Y'ello. 29 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,486 Ahoy-hoy, Simpson. 30 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,188 I have four seats to tonight's basketball joust, 31 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,323 and you were at the top of my list. 32 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,868 So, what do you say? 33 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,103 Thank you, Mr. Burns. 34 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,105 Oh, boy, courtside seats. 35 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,007 I feel like Billy Crystal's doctor. 36 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,108 Who was it? 37 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,110 You'll never believe it. We just got... 38 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,946 HOMER'S BRAIN: Homer, wait. You don't want to go with them. 39 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,315 Why not? They're my family. 40 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,517 Sweetie, I know that you're talking to your brain. 41 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,486 Why don't you just do whatever your heart tells you? 42 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,121 Ugh, not that guy. 43 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,156 (shouts) I'm numb. 44 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,925 Chest pains! 45 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,197 Just go to the game with your friends. 46 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,032 Brain, you're the greatest. 47 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,834 Is there anything I can do for you? 48 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,002 Yeah, you could read a book once in a while. 49 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,538 D'oh! 50 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,842 Carl, I got courtside seats! 51 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,010 Lenny, I got courtside seats! 52 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,146 Barney, I got courtside seats! 53 00:02:59,179 --> 00:02:59,980 I'm in. 54 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,815 Who's on trial? 55 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,352 You guys got courtside seats? I'd love to go. 56 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,287 Just let me lock up the good liquor. 57 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,360 Uh, sorry, we only have four tickets. 58 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,061 Me, Lenny, Carl and Barney. 59 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,696 You really don't want me? 60 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,498 I, uh, I thought we was friends. 61 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,066 Yeah, we did, too. 62 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,901 Then we realized you were serving us beer 63 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,069 that's mostly suds. 64 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,905 Also, your chicken wings weren't chicken. 65 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,907 Hey, meat's meat. Although none of it was meat. 66 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,342 Look, hey, where we going with this? 67 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,077 You're not invited, Moe. 68 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,179 Hey, wha...? 69 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,947 LENNY: Not invited, not invited. 70 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,617 BARNEY: Who's on trial? 71 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,452 * 72 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:50,931 Wow. Wow. I am truly alone in this world. 73 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,100 ROBOTIC FEMALE VOICE: No, you're not. 74 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,936 Uh, thanks, uh, Anti-Suicide Keychain. 75 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,237 ROBOTIC FEMALE VOICE: You're welcome. 76 00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,739 I care about you... 77 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,140 MOE (on keychain): Uh, Moe Szyslak. 78 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,875 ROBOTIC FEMALE VOICE: ...very much. 79 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,076 (sniffles) 80 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,451 Uh, Moe, about last night... 81 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,119 Yeah, on the house, fellas. 82 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,253 (all gasp) 83 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,323 And I got new cocktail napkins 84 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,224 that ain't just unpaid parking tickets. 85 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,159 See? Yeah, huh? 86 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,761 How about that? 87 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,631 Why you being so nice to us after we rejected you? 88 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,834 Well, maybe the problem wasn't youse, maybe it was mees. 89 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,169 So, I'se, uh, sprucing up the bar, 90 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,972 trying to make things nice, you know, like they used to be. 91 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,943 Hey! It's the Pin Pals, our old bowling team! 92 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,845 Those were great times. 93 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,613 Them were the best times. 94 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,949 Closer than brothers, we was, says I. 95 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,018 Then Apu had his octopuses, and suddenly he didn't have time 96 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,955 to bowl with his buddies five nights a week. 97 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,123 But as I said, great times. 98 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:57,631 Guys, I think we should reform the Pin Pals, 99 00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:01,168 but this time with me, Lenny, Carl and Moe! 100 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,103 (gasps) Oh, guys, I would love to! 101 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,639 But I can't bowl no more. 102 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:08,141 I got beer-pull tunnel syndrome. 103 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,211 Ow! 104 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,081 Another, please. 105 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,083 Ow! 106 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,387 It's a little short. 107 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,121 (grunts in pain) 108 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,157 I guess you'll have to ask Barney to bowl with ya's. 109 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,694 -Do they have beer? -Yes. 110 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,029 To bowling! 111 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,631 * I get knocked down 112 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,999 * But I get up again 113 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,167 * You're never gonna keep me down... * 114 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,905 Moe, this is for you. 115 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,174 Ah. 116 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,076 -What do you say? -Coach? Terrific! 117 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:46,079 I love screaming at people who are trying their best. 118 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,681 OTHERS: To Moe! 119 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,316 What are you doing? Don't drink that. 120 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,718 You're in training. 121 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,052 * The boys are back in town 122 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,087 * Boys are back in town... 123 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,092 A lot of music in this episode. 124 00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,294 * The boys are back in town 125 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,064 * The boys are back in town 126 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,499 * Boys are back in town 127 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,067 * The boys are back in town 128 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,702 * The boys are back 129 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,103 (electricity crackles) 130 00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:20,113 (electricity crackles) 131 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,582 * The boys are back in town 132 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,083 * Boys are back in town 133 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,789 * I said the boys are back in town * 134 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:31,425 * The boys are back in town... 135 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,628 Okay, sidekicks, back in our shadows. 136 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,136 CHOIR: * Hallelujah 137 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,138 * Hallelujah. 138 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,315 -Yay! -Yay! 139 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,629 We made it, boys. 140 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:12,399 Going to the state finals in Capital City! 141 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,134 (grunting) 142 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,838 Uh, sorry, that's where we store our extra balls. 143 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,773 Quick! Rest his head! 144 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,442 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. 145 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,844 Ow! Ow! 146 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,616 MOE: All right, the state finals. 147 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,919 If we win this, the next tournament is on ESPN8. 148 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,087 All right, guys, don't be yokels. 149 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,490 Just act like you seen it all before. 150 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,091 Holy crap! 151 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,893 (classical music playing) 152 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,533 (electronic dance music playing) 153 00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,477 Uh, it says we're on lane 17. 154 00:07:57,511 --> 00:08:00,013 Wow! Topiary lane numbers. 155 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,282 I'll bet they're plastic. 156 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,818 Yep, they are, but don't tell management. 157 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,121 So I guess we're playing you guys, huh? 158 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,657 Best two out of three. 159 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,125 I'm Reynolds. We're high-frequency traders. 160 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,562 I was the model for The Wolf of Wall Street. 161 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:17,164 I was the model for American Psycho. 162 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,969 I was a model for toe fungus in a Dr. Scholl's commercial. 163 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,805 -And I was... -I'll give you $100 to stop talking. 164 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,174 Deal! 165 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,077 Hey, and here's a hundred for you for looking at me 166 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,013 like I am the most amazing thing you ever saw. 167 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,883 I think I'm giving you a $500 look. 168 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,251 Well, here's $400, and screw you. 169 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:42,723 Wow. I finally found my path in life: socio. 170 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,025 Hey, Harold, buddy. 171 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,060 You know, I was wondering... 172 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,564 Excuse me. Why cheeseburgers? 173 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:53,066 The cheese holds it together in flight. Duh. 174 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,103 I mean, why do you throw them at good people? 175 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,437 Question time is over. 176 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,406 Really hope that social worker pays better 177 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,941 by the time you grow up. 178 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,776 (chuckles) Social worker. 179 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,012 Hey. This little dingus gets it. 180 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,614 All right, little man. 181 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,049 From now on, we're gonna call you McDingus. 182 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,118 You're treating me like dirt! 183 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,620 (chuckles) I belong! 184 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,987 (phone vibrates) 185 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,657 I'm wearing a new hat! 186 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,229 I'm gonna show you that the one thing in the world 187 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,765 that you're a little bit good at, I'm better. 188 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,999 Okey-doke. 189 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:29,970 Damn it! 190 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,238 All right, now, listen to me. 191 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,106 These stuffed suits don't stand a chance 192 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,875 against us working joes. 193 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,810 -Because we got... -Moxie? 194 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,211 -Eh, no. -Uh, grit? 195 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,780 Nah, we're pretty grit-less. 196 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,414 Well, what have we got? 197 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,050 My stepdad is Lebanese. 198 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,752 We are a damn rainbow! 199 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:45,986 -Yay! -Yeah! 200 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,161 We win. We win! 201 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,963 The first out of three! 202 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,798 Huh! I haven't been this confident 203 00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,167 since I saw La La Land win Best Picture 204 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,835 and turned off my TV. 205 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,070 Good win, you guys. 206 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,104 Lunch is on us. 207 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,740 Wow! Is that a Visa double diamond card? 208 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:09,442 Yep. Doesn't have to be inserted or swiped. 209 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,812 -It just knows. -Wow! 210 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,147 -(zapping) -It can sense that you're poor. 211 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:19,019 Once again they substitute rhino for narwhal. 212 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,454 (scoffs) It's like they think we won't notice. 213 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,992 Thanks for lunch. 214 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,995 And now you'll be eating crow for dessert. 215 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,963 Uh, side note-- I have actually eaten crow. 216 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,332 It is not bad. Tastes like seagull. 217 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:36,036 Chang-stein, I bet you that I can break down 218 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:40,841 this loser right here in, oh, 15 seconds. 219 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,978 Moe, I would like to ask you about your last birthday. 220 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,546 W-Why? W-What have you heard? 221 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,848 Did you have a party? 222 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,349 -No, sir. -(Lisa groans) 223 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,218 -Cake? -No. -(Lisa whimpers) 224 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,787 Ah, man, it looks like he's tearing Moe a new one. 225 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,522 Well, most of his old ones are pretty bad, 226 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,957 so that could be a good thing. 227 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,658 So, did you leave your house? 228 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,293 No. (sobs) 229 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,328 Any phone calls? 230 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,296 -Y-Yes. -Meant for you? 231 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,033 No! (sobbing) 232 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:09,002 I pretended to be someone who was interested 233 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,839 in carpet cleaning. 234 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,174 (watch chiming) 235 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,644 Um, that's time, and he is definitely crying, so you win. 236 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,513 Bart, you don't want to be with these guys. 237 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,849 They're monsters. 238 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,084 Hey, their 401(k)s are monsters. 239 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,720 Do you even know what a 401(k) is? 240 00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,488 I assume it's a gun. 241 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,490 Yeah, well, I may not have much, 242 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,860 but I got some things that matter, huh? 243 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,095 My bar, my friends, my good name. 244 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,529 OTHERS: Hear! Hear! 245 00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:39,099 All right, well, if you believe in your friends so much, 246 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,935 how about we make a little wager on the match? 247 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,872 -Uh, oh, can I bet on youse to win? -No. 248 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,875 Careful, Moe. I got a bad feeling about this. 249 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,277 Just leave us be, huh? 250 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,080 All right, how about this? If we win the next two games, 251 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,116 your bar is ours, and you have to change 252 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,951 your, uh, good name. 253 00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,187 LENNY: I got a bad feeling. 254 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,189 ALL (chanting): Bad feeling, bad feeling, 255 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,092 (all gasp) 256 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,961 But if I win, I want something I can share with my friends. 257 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:10,931 Something only a rich guy like you can give us. 258 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,466 Let's do this. 259 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,103 MOE: Look at me, Moe Szyslak, shaking hands with a guy 260 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,139 wearing a shirt worth more than I'll earn in my entire life. 261 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:23,276 REYNOLDS: Ugh, it feels like I'm shaking hands with a squid. 262 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,279 No, the squid has a much firmer grip. 263 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,782 REYNOLDS: Hey, Pin Gals. 264 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,084 ALL: Wha...? 265 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,787 Hey, hey, hey, we ain't afraid of no bowling shirts. 266 00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,989 They're not shirts; it's compression wear, 267 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,825 which increases blood flow to our arms 268 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,592 and decreases wind resistance. 269 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,797 Oh, yeah! 270 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,565 They know two-handed bowling. 271 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,967 Hey, we been hustled! 272 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,102 Huh, if you can't trust hedge fund guys, 273 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,137 who can you trust? 274 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,073 (pins clatter) 275 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,341 Nice toss. 276 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,143 Um, nobody likes suck-ups. 277 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,145 All right? Cheeseburger. 278 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:01,114 I want to help you stand up to them. 279 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,349 But they're traders. 280 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,684 All we know is how to collect information. 281 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,854 Everyone has a weak spot. 282 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,957 We will aggregate their emotional responses 283 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,459 and run a regression through the data. 284 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,461 Thanks for dumbing it down for us. 285 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,496 Polish your balls? 286 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,598 Man, this alley does everything. 287 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,201 Oh, I don't work for the alley. 288 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,403 No, indeed. 289 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,276 Bart? 290 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,278 Hey, Mom, I got a question for you. 291 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,947 -Am I too young to start drinking vodka? -Yes. 292 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,049 Wish you would've told me that an hour ago. 293 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,951 Here's a little "don't tell Homer" money. 294 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,787 If you love money with all your heart, 295 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,789 the money will never love you back. 296 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,858 Will having no money make me happy? 297 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,994 No. 298 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,795 Does Bill Gates love his wife? 299 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,031 Melinda? Of course he does. 300 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:54,501 They started a foundation that does wonderful things. 301 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,503 -With money, right? -Yes. 302 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,739 So, money's the answer for everything. 303 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,375 Have a C-note, sweetheart. 304 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,577 -She gets it. -Oh! 305 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,084 Whew, they really kicked our butts. 306 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:14,087 (pants) I'm gonna lose my bar and my name. 307 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:16,156 No Moe, no tavern, nothing. 308 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,658 I'm gonna jump into that empty elevator shaft! 309 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,993 Moe, no! 310 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,061 (panting) 311 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,729 (screams) 312 00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:27,500 I just, uh... I can't win. 313 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,736 (straining) 314 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,438 Oh, yeah, now we're getting somewhere. (grunts) 315 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,477 * 316 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,385 All right, we've come to that time-- 317 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,520 the time where I give that inspirational speech 318 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,122 I've been keeping in my pocket. 319 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,423 (clears throat) 320 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,625 You have given this lonely little man 321 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,295 a reason to get up every single day, 322 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,864 and that is why I love youse, Marge. 323 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,766 I mean, uh, Pin Pals. Pin Pals. 324 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,134 (cheering) 325 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,402 And we got a secret weapon. 326 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,637 This guy is sober. 327 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,975 I am, because of the love of your sister. 328 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,442 Now, just so you know, that was, 329 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,111 that was a catfish thing, right? 330 00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,879 What's a "catfish" thing? 331 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,914 I'll explain it to you after the match. 332 00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,083 Just don't drink. 333 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,785 You know how, uh, how Miriam hates it. 334 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:22,255 You know, you sister looks just like Jennifer Lawrence. 335 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,158 And all her pictures say "Getty Images." 336 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,427 Yeah, that's-that's a problem with your computer. 337 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,896 Just stay sober, huh? 338 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,930 Mm-hmm. 339 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,566 Huh? 340 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,136 (choir singing ethereal music) 341 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:43,043 Hey, have you ever tasted liquid gold? 342 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,551 You realize that was a thousand-dollar swallow. 343 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,756 Return... to me. 344 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,858 (classical music playing) 345 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,331 (Chewbacca-like growl) 346 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:08,168 ("Little Green Bag" by George Baker Selection playing) 347 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,303 * 348 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,245 * Yeah. 349 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,518 (music stops) 350 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,491 Oh, what do you want? 351 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,460 Fair warning: we have combed through 352 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,996 all the emotional data on you to find your soft targets. 353 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,865 What the hell are you talking about? 354 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:42,169 You'll see, in just 15 seconds. 355 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,504 Reynolds, artificial intelligence 356 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:47,407 is just three months away from taking your job. 357 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,410 Without my job, I... I'm just a douche. 358 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,479 You don't know that the other two 359 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,381 are sleeping with your wife. 360 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,550 I thought you were, but you?! 361 00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,586 You're all about your BMW, 362 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,089 but you couldn't afford the sport package. 363 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,990 -(Wilhelm scream) -(buzzer sounds) 364 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:08,228 And I win, just like all good people always win. 365 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,030 -McDingus. -Yes, Father? 366 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:14,000 Throw this at your sister. 367 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,168 You won't do it, Bart. 368 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,003 Why not? It's you and it's me, 369 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,005 and it wastes food. 370 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,007 You won't do it because, deep down, 371 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,076 there's something weird that connects us. 372 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,177 You're crazy. 373 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,912 Neither of us admits it, 374 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,080 but it's there. 375 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,116 I hold myself out to you. 376 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,519 Go on, make my face the home of the Whopper. 377 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,721 I-I can't do it. 378 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,923 You do like me. You do! 379 00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:40,393 And we'll always keep this burger as a symbol of our fr... 380 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,229 (chewing noisily) 381 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:45,298 May I wax your alley? 382 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,134 Will you get out of here?! 383 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,902 All right, this is it, the tenth frame, the final frame. 384 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,972 The frame where you start looking for your regular shoes. 385 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,976 All right, Barney, just do your thing. No pressure. 386 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,445 Here's a picture of my sister 387 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,480 in the movie Silver Linings Playbook. 388 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,081 -Take a look. -(burps) 389 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:04,451 Hey, you guys liquored him up! 390 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:08,255 Don't worry, Moe, I can still win the spelling bee. 391 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,822 "Recidivism." 392 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,091 "R"... um... 393 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,327 Eh, because of this idiot, Homer, 394 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:15,962 we need three strikes from you. 395 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,331 I just want to know what it's like to be a winner, huh? 396 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:19,599 Just one time. 397 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,568 What about that Women in Film award? 398 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,736 -No, I stole that. -(others gasp) 399 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,706 Okay, Moe, for you, I'll do it. 400 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:34,046 We're gonna win. I'm not gonna have to start over again! 401 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,619 Because starting over, uh, what would that even mean? 402 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,654 ("La Vie en rose" playing) 403 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,261 (ship horn blows) 404 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:50,163 * 405 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,039 That could be my reality. 406 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,275 Oh, my God, I got to lose this match. 407 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,710 Homer, no! 408 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,112 -Give me the ball! -I need it to bowl! 409 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,714 I don't want to win! 410 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,516 You're the worst coach ever! 411 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,251 -(grunting) -Just give me the damn ball! 412 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,129 (cheering) 413 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,531 What's wrong, Moe? 414 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:27,066 -Yeah, we won. -Nothing. I just got to go back 415 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,302 to the worst thing in the world, huh? 416 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,504 Being me. (sighs heavily) 417 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,841 The guy you wouldn't even invite to a basketball game. 418 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,412 Wha... uh, d-did somebody say "wait"? 419 00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,714 -OTHERS: No. -Well, I wouldn't come back now 420 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,316 if you begged me. 421 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,151 -LENNY: Wait! -Yeah? 422 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,586 Just making a point. 423 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,759 Surprise! 424 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,427 You guys are my friends. 425 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,996 -That's right. -We sure are. 426 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,031 And we're gonna have a big party! 427 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,901 Right after we get back from the basketball game. 428 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,139 Eh, salt of the earth there. 429 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,045 All right, guys, since we won the championship, 430 00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,914 those hedge fund do-rags have to deliver 431 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:18,551 an experience for me and my pals that only they can bring. 432 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,119 When does it start? 433 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,655 Right about... now. 434 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,331 Welcome to how I always feel. 435 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:47,347 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 436 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,478 Shh!