1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:04,004
*

2
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,245
The bidding stands
at eight million dollars.

3
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,313
Nine million.

4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,414
Ten million.

5
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,415
11 million!

6
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,085
$15 million.

7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,587
Joan Miró's The Poetess,

8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,556
going once, going twice, sold.

9
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,259
To billionaire tech mogul
Megan Matheson.

10
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,261
-Hmph.
-(shudders)

11
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:29,563
(groans)

12
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,399
LISA:
Mmm.

13
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,367
(Homer growls)

14
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,869
Don't take that painting,
I love it!

15
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,372
I won't let you take it!

16
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,399
There you have it,
Ms. Matheson,

17
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:09,303
Joan Miró's The Poetess.

18
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,571
(gasps)

19
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,473
My painting's been stolen.

20
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,275
That's impossible.

21
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:18,078
It's a mystery so baffling,
only one man can solve it.

22
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,781
Get me Manacek.

23
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,783
(ringing)

24
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,652
(Banacek theme song playing)

25
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,278
*

26
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,209
*

27
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,653
Thank goodness you're here,
Mr. Manacek.

28
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,855
You're the best freelance
insurance investigator

29
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,657
in the business.

30
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,158
Oh, well, isn't that
just what we need?

31
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:42,162
Some smug pretty boy
out to make us cops look stupid.

32
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:44,865
Ah, Clancy,
you're looking well...

33
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,867
-fed.
-Uh-- see?

34
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:50,037
He put that pause between
those two words deliberately.

35
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,341
Maybe I did, maybe I... didn't.

36
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,444
Well, two can play at that...

37
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,013
...pause.

38
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,049
Three people bid
on the stolen painting:

39
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,717
nuclear magnate Mr. Burns,

40
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,553
venture capitalist
Megan Matheson

41
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,755
and mini golf cheat
Homer Simpson.

42
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,189
They're all suspects.

43
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,758
I don't mind
telling you, Manacek:

44
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,093
I hope you fall flat
on your face.

45
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,362
(chuckling):
Oh.

46
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,563
I hope not.

47
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,231
My mother's rather fond of it.

48
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,866
Damn your wit.

49
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,901
*

50
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,887
(sighs) Look, Manacek, I don't
know why you're talking to me.

51
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,590
It's my painting
that was stolen.

52
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,593
Yes, but you insured
a $15 million painting

53
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,595
for $30 million.

54
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,798
For a woman with a head
for numbers, it doesn't add up.

55
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,933
You smug son of a bitch.

56
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,435
(laughs)

57
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,270
I like you, Manacek.

58
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:59,139
But you should be talking
to the real painting thief:

59
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,743
the man I outbid,
Montgomery Burns.

60
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,613
That's quite a workout
you're getting.

61
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,948
Although, I can think
of a better one.

62
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,484
Sorry, but I'm in
a committed relationship

63
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,620
with the former Miss Denmark.

64
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,989
She's created a breed
of mosquito that cures malaria.

65
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:19,760
Well, if she invents a cure
for commitment, let me know.

66
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,795
*

67
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:28,936
Pull.

68
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,504
Shoot.

69
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,306
Nice shot, Mr. Burns.

70
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,309
You're a natural
in the ancient art of skeet.

71
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,611
Oh, spare me
your flattery, Manacek.

72
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,112
I know why you're here.

73
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,848
You think I stole
that ridiculous painting.

74
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,115
Absurd.

75
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,118
A little clay pigeon told me

76
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:49,022
that you couldn't stand
being outbid by... a woman.

77
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:52,493
Pull, pull, pull!

78
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,997
Looks like the only thing being
hit around here...

79
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,666
is a nerve.

80
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,502
I'll blast that smile
right off your smug face.

81
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:02,870
(laughs)

82
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,672
I like you, Manacek.

83
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,840
But it's obvious
who took the painting.

84
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,876
That lunatic who said he'd do
anything to have it:

85
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,679
Homer Simpson.

86
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,814
I... Did you bring that
with you?

87
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,383
It's inflatable.

88
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,485
I got it at Brookstone.

89
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,253
*

90
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:31,031
I don't know what help I can be
with your case, Mr. Manacek.

91
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,701
As you can see,
I'm a very busy man.

92
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:37,405
(imitating beeping sounds)

93
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,508
According to my sources--
Lenny--

94
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,875
you were obsessed
with that painting.

95
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,411
I myself was once obsessed

96
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:45,713
with a suede sports jacket
with leather pockets.

97
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,548
I would have done anything
to get it.

98
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,249
Even steal a painting.

99
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:52,252
Me? Obsessed with
some stupid painting?

100
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,054
That's absurd.

101
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,389
(yelps)

102
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,357
-Is it?
-You're right.

103
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,059
I'd do anything
to have that painting.

104
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,194
Lie, kill, steal.
Well, not kill.

105
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,196
But I would steal it,
and then lie about it.

106
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,264
But I didn't steal it.

107
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,399
And I'm not lying.

108
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,767
Believe me, or I'll kill you.

109
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,235
(chuckles)

110
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,903
I like you, Manacek.

111
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,038
I'll kill you!

112
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,239
(chuckles)

113
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,674
I like you.

114
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,876
Mr. Simpson,
there's more to your story

115
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,545
than you're letting on.

116
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,513
And I'm gonna find out what.

117
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,415
Please don't.

118
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,050
(classical music playing)

119
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,588
(doorbell rings)

120
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,389
Wow.

121
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:32,760
The pizza delivery boys get
better looking all the time.

122
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,395
I'm Homer Simpson's wife.

123
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,098
I love wives. They never
pester you to marry them.

124
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,434
Geez, you've got a lot of lines.

125
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:44,438
You will too, after I show you
my corduroy sheets.

126
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,774
Mr. Manacek,
my husband is a wreck.

127
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:50,911
Please, just give me a chance
to convince you he's innocent.

128
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,446
Only if it's over dinner.

129
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,548
Uh, okay.

130
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,917
More Frito pie, Mr. Manacek?

131
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,118
(sighs)

132
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,153
Sure, why not?

133
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,896
If he's not guilty
of stealing that painting,

134
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,731
why is Homer cowering
on the stairs,

135
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,366
eating cereal
straight from the box?

136
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:17,070
(whimpering)

137
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,239
Well, Homer's so quick to panic.

138
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,774
It's his only flaw.

139
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:23,310
Marge, I need you
to be straight with me.

140
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,846
Okay, I admit it,
he has many flaws.

141
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,180
Thousands. Flaws.

142
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,982
Everywhere, flaws.

143
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,351
Your husband doesn't really seem
like a typical art lover,

144
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,453
but he shows exquisite taste

145
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:36,524
in the female form.

146
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,692
Hey, Front Pockets,
quit hitting on my mom.

147
00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:42,863
She only loves one stocky man
in tight pants: our dad.

148
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,865
Sorry, I can only solve
impossible crimes

149
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,600
if I'm seducing
an amazing woman.

150
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,335
It's my process.

151
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,037
I'll tell you everything I know
about Homer

152
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,705
for one of those Tiparillos.

153
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,206
No Tiparillos.

154
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,875
BOTH:
(scoffs) Women.

155
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,043
(chuckles)

156
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,444
I like you, Manacek.

157
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,112
So let me clue you in
on the real story

158
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,848
about my dad and that painting.

159
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,617
Homer was chaperoning my class
field trip to the art museum,

160
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,453
and he was not happy about it.

161
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,788
Come on, come on.
Hurry up in there.

162
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,356
Three to a urinal.

163
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:12,192
No hand washing,
or we'll be late for lunch.

164
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,393
(groans)

165
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,728
Hmm?

166
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:17,197
HOMER: Sheesh, look at
that stupid painting.

167
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,799
What is it even supposed to be?

168
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,467
Art should be of pretty ladies,

169
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,970
hunting dogs with dead rabbits,
Bible crap

170
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,538
and 3-D sidewalk drawings

171
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,239
where it looks like
you could fall in.

172
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,275
*

173
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,791
(whirring)

174
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,162
HOMER:
I get it.

175
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,431
I... get... it.

176
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:54,602
Mr. Simpson, some of the kids
went to the gift shop.

177
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,937
We were only supposed
to bring five dollars,

178
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,606
but some brought more.

179
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,273
Wha-Wha... What?

180
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,610
Oh, right. Chaperone.

181
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:06,647
Hmm... mmm?

182
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,955
This is warm beer.

183
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,957
That's an '07 Michelob.

184
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,426
Homer was saving it
for a special occasion.

185
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:24,131
Mmm. Yes.

186
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,635
My husband just couldn't stop
thinking about that painting.

187
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,637
*

188
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,672
(laughing)

189
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,079
(giggles)

190
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,582
(belches)

191
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,186
(humming)

192
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,091
(exhales)

193
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,327
Wha...? Honey,

194
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,396
I love a painting.

195
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,632
Oh, what is it of? Grapes?

196
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,968
-No.
-Flowers?

197
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,335
-No.
-Peaches?

198
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,937
No.

199
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,472
You sure it's a painting?

200
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,241
I'm positive. I touched it
when no one was looking.

201
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,678
Well, there's nothing wrong
with being an art lover

202
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,846
as long
as it's representational.

203
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,014
Mmm...

204
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,650
It i representational,
isn't it?

205
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,920
-(groans)
-Tell me it's representational.

206
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,923
-(groans)
-What else
about our marriage is a lie?

207
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,192
Are you really
a licensed DJ?

208
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,227
I took the courses,
but I failed the test!

209
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,498
A blue-collar Joe
suddenly likes modern art?

210
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,701
That story and two bits
will get you a cup of coffee.

211
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,703
What year do you think it is?

212
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,437
Hey, who's the shamus here?

213
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,172
I'm telling you, deep down,

214
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,441
my dad is really sensitive.

215
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,210
-(honks saxophone)
-(screams)

216
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,212
(panting)

217
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,847
Oh, good, you're awake.

218
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,783
You're the only one
I can talk to about... this.

219
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,284
I know that painting.

220
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,221
It's called The Poetess
by Joan Miró.

221
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,890
Why does it bring me such peace?

222
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,692
Why?!

223
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:01,028
See? Even though
the painting is abstract,

224
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,697
that yellow circle
can represent the sun.

225
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:06,333
HOMER:
Or Pac-Man at rest.

226
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,502
Dad, you think art sucks.
Snap out of it.

227
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:14,574
HOMER:
Wow. I mean, wow.

228
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,643
Every time I look at it
from a different angle,

229
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,179
-I see something new.
-(groans)

230
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,182
I just want to take a moment

231
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,051
to acknowledge
that for the first time,

232
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,820
you're dragging me
into the museum.

233
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:29,256
Yeah, it's a topsy-turvy world.

234
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:32,125
Beach volleyball's bigger
than regular volleyball.

235
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,064
Sorry, pally. Sorry, gally.

236
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,266
But the museum's
closed down for good.

237
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,334
-(gasps)
-(gasps) Can we go in and look

238
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,336
at our favorite painting
one last time?

239
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,038
It's called The Poetess.

240
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,007
Oh, it's right there,
inside the crate

241
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,508
that's going
to the auction house,

242
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,943
where a billionaire will buy it

243
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,611
and you'll never see it again.

244
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,814
Oh, and I'll have to
take that, too.

245
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,450
(Homer whimpers)

246
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,586
Now museum, now you don't.

247
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,454
The Springfield Museum
of Fine Art

248
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,857
is the latest victim
of this city's budget woes.

249
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:06,626
The storied institution
has closed its doors forever.

250
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,096
Its legendary art collection
will be sold at auction

251
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,464
and its docents
released into the wild.

252
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:12,966
The closure is being protested

253
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,534
by a coalition
of local art lovers

254
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,469
and homeless bathroom users.

255
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,305
(chanting):
Picasso, Goya,

256
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,207
Cézanne, Dalí,

257
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,942
selling off artwork

258
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,543
would be folly.

259
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,945
(all cheer)

260
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,448
We're here, Vermeer,
get used to it!

261
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,717
People, people.
Government is about

262
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,652
making tough choices.

263
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,487
This was not one of them.

264
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,623
Museum attendance was near zero.

265
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:39,126
We lost thousands
on stolen audio wands.

266
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:42,162
What do people want with wands?

267
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,664
These wands

268
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,499
are putting the hurt
on these walnuts.

269
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,402
MAN (over wand): Notice how
Edward Hopper's use of windows

270
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,571
invites the viewer
into the scene

271
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,306
but also keeps them at bay.

272
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,908
-(wand chimes)
-(grunts)

273
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,009
But Mayor Quimby,

274
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,677
the Springfield Museum
of Fine Art,

275
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,646
or SMOFA, was a jewel.

276
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,649
SMOFA was the one institution
of genuine culture

277
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,317
our town could be proud of.

278
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,853
Stop saying SMOFA.

279
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,320
It never caught on.

280
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,922
Um, excuse me, Mayor SMOFA.

281
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,991
I'm not like these brainy
tote bags over here.

282
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,827
I like my crusts stuffed,
my martial arts mixed,

283
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,196
and my movies fully Sandler-ed.

284
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,531
But there's this painting
from that museum,

285
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,167
and when I really look at it,

286
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,769
only one word
explains what I feel.

287
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,038
-What is it again?
-(whispers)

288
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:27,875
-Transgender.
-(whispers)

289
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,843
Transcendent.

290
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,879
Transcendence
doesn't fill potholes

291
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,280
or educate our children.

292
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,948
Did you know we had to lay off

293
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,783
a third of the police force?

294
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,685
That's right. Eddie.

295
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,354
I used to have a gun.

296
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,223
(grunts)

297
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,694
Fine, sell the artwork.

298
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,963
Let's move on
to the next protest:

299
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:53,700
too many poke restaurants.

300
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,635
(chanting):
Poke is just okay.

301
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,338
Poke is just okay.

302
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,075
At Water's Edge
by Paul Cézanne,

303
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,078
sold for $65 million.

304
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:08,415
Yeah! I'm as happy
as Steve Martin.

305
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:11,952
It's... Oh, God, no.

306
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,756
Our last item is The Poetess
by Joan Miró.

307
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,659
The bidding starts
at five million dollars.

308
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,228
HOMER:
I bid that.

309
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:24,264
-What are you doing?
-I have a plan to get
the painting.

310
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,933
Six million dollars.

311
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,301
WOMAN:
I think we can do
better than that.

312
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,837
I need this painting

313
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,006
for my private monkey sanctuary
in Costa Rica.

314
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,443
The monkeys find the colors
quite arousing.

315
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,245
Seven million dollars.

316
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,180
-Eight million.
-Nine million.

317
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,682
Sir, we attempted
to verify your funds

318
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,284
at the First Bank of Moe's.

319
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:47,087
The man at the phone
threatened to boil our skulls

320
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,421
and make them into...

321
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,490
(inhales)
...rat toilets.

322
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,127
-(groans)
-It's okay, Dad.

323
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,296
You just really loved
that painting.

324
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,399
The bidding stands
at eight million dollars.

325
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,434
-Nine million.
-Ten million.

326
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:02,435
11 million.

327
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,138
$15 million.

328
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,640
Joan Miró's The Poetess,

329
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,477
going once, going twice, sold.

330
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,313
To billionaire tech mogul
Megan Matheson.

331
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,315
-Hmph.
-(shudders)

332
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,617
(groans)

333
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,152
LISA:
Mmm.

334
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,154
(Homer growls)

335
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,656
Don't take that painting,
I love it!

336
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,393
I won't let you take it!

337
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,995
Your story had everything--

338
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,830
a field trip, a dream sequence,
Sideshow Mel--

339
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,633
and it gave your father
the perfect motive

340
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,068
to steal that painting:

341
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,337
a deeper connection
to his daughter.

342
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,906
Well, maybe,
but I'm sure he's innocent.

343
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,409
Mom, Lisa, 1970s horndog,

344
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,743
Dad's run off.

345
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,445
He's on the lam!

346
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,914
You know, once I send
your husband to prison,

347
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,483
you'll be kind of single.

348
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,485
(chuckles)

349
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,021
(soft grumbling)

350
00:15:56,456 --> 00:16:00,360
MANACEK: It seems Homer escaped
out this window.

351
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,195
Hmm.

352
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,331
In all my years
as an investigator,

353
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,966
I've never seen a trellis
take such a pounding.

354
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,368
I know it looks bad,

355
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,170
but think
about what we told you.

356
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:13,540
My husband could never
have stolen that painting.

357
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,208
Hmm.
Thank you, Marge.

358
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,710
I now know exactly
how everything happened.

359
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,146
How do you know that?

360
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,680
I'll be happy to explain...

361
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,382
over breakfast?

362
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,285
(grumbles) You have
a real problem with women.

363
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,188
I know.
I'm seeing a therapist...

364
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,557
tonight at my place.

365
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,193
Oh, get out.
Go, go!

366
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,032
(sighs)

367
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,868
White chocolate--
the loneliest chocolate.

368
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,371
MANACEK:
Homer, I know you're in there.

369
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,039
(gasps)
How did you find me?

370
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,075
I knew you'd return
to the scene of the crime:

371
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,143
where your inner peace
was stolen.

372
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,079
You can't bring me in.
You're not a cop.

373
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,547
You're not even a regular
insurance investigator.

374
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,383
You're freelance.
You don't get paid

375
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,017
unless you submit an invoice.

376
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:01,421
Which lets me control
when my corporate year ends.

377
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,656
You're always one step ahead.

378
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,158
(laughs)

379
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,427
I don't like you, Manacek.

380
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,496
Your family's story
of how you fell in love

381
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,531
with that painting
did prove your innocence.

382
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,101
-How?
-By providing one crucial fact:

383
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,868
you're too dumb
to steal anything.

384
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,270
Maybe I did take it.

385
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,772
-Trust me, you didn't.
-I could have.

386
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,008
But I know you didn't.
That's what I'm saying.

387
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,211
-I'm smart.
-You're dumb.

388
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,880
After careful consideration
of facts and evidence

389
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,282
observed only by me,

390
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,718
I can reveal
who stole The Poetess:

391
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,220
Ms. Matheson.

392
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,287
(all gasp)

393
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,289
Your last IPO was DOA,

394
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,291
and you needed the cash
to keep your girlfriend

395
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,926
in hybrid mosquito larva.

396
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,928
I've seen it a thousand times.

397
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,630
Impossible!
The armed guards

398
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,632
never let the painting
out of their sight.

399
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:49,469
But which armed guards?

400
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,572
It was a simple matter
of finding

401
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,107
the guards' identical twins,

402
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,909
then hiring them to rob
their own brothers.

403
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,313
That's the last
impossible mystery

404
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:03,283
you'll ever solve.

405
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,418
Well done, Mr. Manacek.

406
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,986
Who would have suspected

407
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,289
it was the person none of us
had ever met before?

408
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,824
Yes, it's a shame she went
through all that trouble

409
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,160
to steal a painting...

410
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,162
that had already been stolen...

411
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,297
by you.

412
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,266
Uh, not yet, sir.

413
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,469
I mean, how dare you accuse me
of such a crime?

414
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,337
But the painting
was safely in our vault

415
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,506
until it left the auction house.

416
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,642
But which auction house?

417
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,444
It was a simple matter

418
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,846
of Burns building
an identical auction house

419
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,515
next door to the real one.

420
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,450
The actual painting
never left the vault,

421
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,853
so Burns could steal it
at his leisure.

422
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,156
-Now?
-Yes, sir.

423
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,465
(gasps)
My painting!

424
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,134
Oh, thank goodness
those thieves didn't get you.

425
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:58,538
It's a shame I punched out
a woman and an old man over...

426
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,640
a gift shop tote bag.

427
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,642
(all gasp)

428
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,810
Lisa?

429
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:07,180
(sighs)
It wasn't my plan to steal it.

430
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,318
That painting
was the first thing

431
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,653
my dad and I
ever had in common.

432
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,356
I couldn't bear
to see him lose it.

433
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,991
It was a simple matter

434
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,528
of switching my canvas tote bag
for the painting

435
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:24,431
before it was
even auctioned off.

436
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,200
I knew it was wrong,

437
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,868
but isn't it a worse crime

438
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,337
to let some billionaire

439
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,071
hide art away

440
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:35,442
where guys like my dad
can never fall in love with it?

441
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,081
So, who gets The Poetess now?

442
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,750
Ten million dollars.

443
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,085
Ownership of the painting
reverts back to the city.

444
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,587
But where will we hang it?

445
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,589
We're knocking down
the art museum.

446
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,591
And what are you doing
with the money Springfield got

447
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,092
from selling
all the public's art?

448
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,262
Well, uh, we're, uh, building

449
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:58,030
certain vitally needed
civic improvements.

450
00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,703
Everything I love
in one place.

451
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,872
Beer. Hot dog.

452
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:09,208
Bathroom. Painting. Daughter.

453
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,777
Marge, you're a beautiful woman,

454
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,379
but you're loyal
to your husband.

455
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,946
And I respect that.

456
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,284
But if things were different,
would I have a shot?

457
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,952
You are the most conceited,

458
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,255
chauvinistic, son of a...

459
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:25,292
(chuckles)
I like you, Manacek.

460
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,097
(Banacek theme song playing)

461
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,408
(Banacek theme song playing)

462
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,113
Shh!

463
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,985
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH