1
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,259
Your face.

2
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,263
Is like a song.

3
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,306
Your sweet eyes whisper.

4
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,309
And I want to sing along.

5
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,854
Your features.

6
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,941
Are in tune.

7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,526
Let's sing together.

8
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:29,654
And turn every month
to June.

9
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:33,158
Your face hums.

10
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,827
Makes me a happy fella.

11
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,830
No more.

12
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:41,624
Singin' a capella.

13
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,835
No.

14
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:47,047
Longer lonely.

15
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,926
Lovin' you only.

16
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,891
Your lips.

17
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:01,811
With mine will rhyme.

18
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,813
And when they touch me.

19
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,858
It's a symphony divine.

20
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:09,152
Your cheeks.

21
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:13,323
Your ears, your hair.

22
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,241
Weave me a melody.

23
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:18,536
A melody so rare.

24
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,998
Your face hums.

25
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,417
Makes me a happy fella.

26
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:27,587
No more.

27
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,340
Singin' a capella.

28
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,342
No.

29
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,845
Longer lonely.

30
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,143
Lovin' you only.

31
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,245
Okay, movie's over.

32
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,389
The superheroes are friends
again. Let's get out of here.

33
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:04,916
We can't leave before
the post-credits sequence.

34
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:08,837
Why does Jeremy Renner
need two assistants?

35
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,256
Shh. Here comes the sequence.

36
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:14,217
The Avengers were too strong
for us, my Lord.

37
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,473
What? Who's that?

38
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,433
That's Spider-Man's Uncle Ben.

39
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,145
He was alive the whole time.

40
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,604
And evil.

41
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,483
With great power,
comes no responsibility.

42
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,863
Finally.

43
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,614
What? You saw it.

44
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:39,909
That was a mid-credit scene.
There's more.

45
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,705
Who the hell are you?

46
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,373
I'm assembling a team
of the best

47
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,041
team assemblers in the world.

48
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:51,212
And I want you to help me
put together that team.

49
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,798
Assemblers assemble!

50
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,056
Time. To. Go.

51
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,850
But there's two more
credit sequences.

52
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,019
When I was a kid, movies ended
when they ended.

53
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,854
The only reason you stayed
for the credits

54
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,814
was to see who sang
"The Power of Love."

55
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,858
And it was usually Huey Lewis.

56
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,068
I liked the first post-credit
sequence the best.

57
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,737
I liked the fifth.

58
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,363
Pipe down.
I'm trying to listen

59
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,365
to preseason
minor league baseball.

60
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,909
And with the last

61
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,410
of the Isotopes pitchers

62
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:25,371
receiving Tommy John surgery
on the mound,

63
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,540
that's the ball game.
Good night, everybody.

64
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,128
Stupid baseball traffic.

65
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,214
I'm taking a shortcut home.

66
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:41,054
Kids, look. We used to live here
before we were married.

67
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,223
It's the old
Beef Rendering District.

68
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,767
Ah, yes, Tallow-town.

69
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,310
At the end of
every factory tour,

70
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,479
they gave you
a free glass of blood.

71
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,940
Huh, it's really gentrified.

72
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,734
Oh, a store where you grind
and flavor

73
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,028
your own house-made toothpaste.

74
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,574
Ooh.
Mmm. Terrible.

75
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,160
There's our old building. Look.

76
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,706
Our fifth floor
walk-up apartment.

77
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:12,669
Dad, you walked up
five floors every day?

78
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,545
No. I took the elevator

79
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,172
to the top of the building
next door,

80
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,424
then crawled across
a plank to our roof.

81
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:21,135
Hey! I pioneered that trail!

82
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,304
Yeah, great.
Thank you, Kit Carson.

83
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,932
Kids, you want to check out
our old apartment?

84
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,853
I can tell from your tone
that we're going either way.

85
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,855
I have one tone.

86
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,194
Hi. You don't know me,
but I'm Marge Simpson.

87
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,488
Oh, yeah, I recognize that name.

88
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,448
In fact, we still get mail
for you.

89
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,497
Oh, thank God.

90
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,792
A list of 101
new choking hazards.

91
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,628
Pacifiers?

92
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,135
No! No.

93
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,178
Maggie!

94
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,638
Oh, here.

95
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,848
So can I get you anything?

96
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,182
Weed? Edibles?

97
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,767
Pudding with a joint
in the center?

98
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,185
But we need you out by 7:00.

99
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,021
We Airbnb this place every night

100
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,981
while we stay
at a cheaper Airbnb.

101
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,191
Mmm. Disruptive.

102
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:21,321
Before Homer and I got married,
we had amazing times here.

103
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,031
Yeah, right.

104
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,366
Like you could possibly ever
have fun without us.

105
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,201
It was a wonderful time.

106
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,829
- We were living the DINK life.
- Dink?

107
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:33,249
- Dual income, no kids.
- Oh, DINK.

108
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,602
How come you can say dink when
you're talking about your jobs,

109
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,838
but I can't say dink when
I'm talking about my dingus.

110
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,174
Before we had you,
life was a breeze.

111
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,009
We'd go to amusement parks
without going

112
00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:44,844
on those stupid baby rides.

113
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,180
Squeezing my butt
into a little biplane

114
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,182
that only goes four feet
off the ground.

115
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:52,602
Actually, Dad, it's supposed
to go 12 feet off the ground.

116
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,188
It was a great life.

117
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,856
We were swimming in DINKs.

118
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,861
See? That was the key
to their happiness... no kids.

119
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,624
We've been talking about
starting a family,

120
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,365
but we're just not sure
we're ready.

121
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,909
We can't even agree
on what to name our ferret.

122
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,619
Yeah, we both like Caitlin,

123
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:12,288
but we just, we can't agree
on the spelling.

124
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,876
Well, we used to be
just like you.

125
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,088
Childless and partying
every night.

126
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:26,427
Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

127
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,055
Hi...

128
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,474
Hey, check out
who crashed the party:

129
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,309
Kent Brockman.

130
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,937
Ooh, he does
the animal adoption segment

131
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,814
on Thursday mornings.

132
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,422
Yes, the biggest
problem with winning

133
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,236
a local Humane Society
Golden Pig Ear

134
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,738
is just staying humble.

135
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,907
This celebrity sighting
will be the lede

136
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,743
for my gossip column,
"Marge Madness."

137
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,621
Ow. What are you doing?

138
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,498
There isn't even a dartboard.

139
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,791
You're Marge Bouvier?

140
00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:58,418
Oh, I read your listings
every week...

141
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,129
Correct dates, very few typos,
professional stuff.

142
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,463
Just steer clear

143
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,007
of pet shelters and fun runs,
those are my beat.

144
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,468
Mr. Brockman,
you're hurting my arm.

145
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,095
Oh, I'm sorry.

146
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:12,140
I just care about soft news
so much.

147
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,684
I had a job
at a cutting-edge new company

148
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,352
that would change the world.

149
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,938
Homer, next week we finally
take our revolutionary

150
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,606
teeth whitening strips
to market.

151
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,084
I couldn't have done it
without you, man.

152
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,152
Together, we make
an amazing team.

153
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,779
Me, with my advanced degrees
in medicine, chemistry

154
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,782
and business, and you,
with your gentle good humor.

155
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,617
I hear that.

156
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,035
I love it.

157
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,555
It's like I know you're not
listening to me,

158
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,788
but I'm not mad at you.

159
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,373
- I'm sorry, what?
- Exactly.

160
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,792
Buddy, whatever I make,
you get a piece of.

161
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,962
I hear that.
I mean, I really hear that.

162
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:48,259
Homer took me to
the hippest spots in town.

163
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,192
Oh, Homie.

164
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:07,653
This is the happiest
I've ever been in my life.

165
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,155
Hold onto it, Marge.

166
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,990
Hold on and never let go.

167
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:13,034
- The moment?
- No, the rail!

168
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,429
Oh, quit resting.

169
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,349
We'd see classic movies
whenever we wanted.

170
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,770
The time has come today.

171
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,775
Young hearts can go
their way.

172
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:49,946
Can't put it off another day

173
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,950
I don't care what others say.

174
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,953
They say we don't listen,
anyway.

175
00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,373
The time has come today.

176
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,549
Time.

177
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,886
Hey, some of us are trying
to enjoy the movie.

178
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,513
No, none of us are.

179
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,977
At least I died before I'm 30!

180
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,481
Yes, he was 47
when he made this film.

181
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,568
Did you two lovebirds-a know

182
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,319
there's a meteor shower tonight?

183
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,447
Homie. We should drive
to the desert and watch it.

184
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,909
What about the kids?
Oh, right, we have none.

185
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,670
So why can't you
do stuff like that now?

186
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,005
Why do you think?

187
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,923
It couldn't be me,
Booze 'n' snooze.

188
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,508
Why you little...

189
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,261
Marge!

190
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,014
Pick up the narrative!

191
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:01,225
We were having the time
of our lives.

192
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:13,613
And then it came.

193
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,031
Have some num-num.

194
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,449
Who likes num-num?

195
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,825
You like num-num?

196
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,786
Oh, there's
a meteor shower tonight.

197
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,204
We'll do the next one.

198
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,957
It's in 187 years.

199
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,168
Where are they coming from,
outer space?

200
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,544
Have some num-num.

201
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,213
Who likes num-num?
You like num-num?

202
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,761
Where did
this beautiful man go?

203
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,012
Dad,

204
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,181
I know it was fun
to be young and free,

205
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:43,225
but how could you
ever replace us?

206
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,187
Pool table, jukebox,
and a vacation to Bermuda.

207
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,980
Dad! Can you please get
to the part

208
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,858
where you reassure us
how glad you are we're here?

209
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,402
Hey, as long
as I'm the pool table, I'm cool.

210
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,945
Sweetie, I treasure you.

211
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,197
But before you kids,

212
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,699
I used to know the names
of people in bands!

213
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,410
And not just the singer,
but the guitar guy!

214
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:05,915
And baby Bart was the worst son
of a bitch you could imagine.

215
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,668
We were the first
of our friends to have a baby,

216
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,711
so we got lots of attention.

217
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,675
Aw, hey, little man. Up high.

218
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,426
Down low. Too slow.

219
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,515
Again!

220
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,642
All right. Up high.

221
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,145
Oh! Ow! What was that?!

222
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,106
Oh, that's tangelo! Come on!

223
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:33,150
That's the most acidic
of all the citrus fruits!

224
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,320
I see now that even babies
don't respect you.

225
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,782
Were you planning on bringing
this brat to board game night?

226
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,158
Oh, sea salt!

227
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,327
The biggest crystals of all!

228
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,871
We don't have a sitter.

229
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,748
Invitation rescinded!

230
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,459
Next, baby Bart ruined
my one shot at success,

231
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,170
my only fast pass
to cash mountain.

232
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,839
Yes, thank you.
You won't be sorry.

233
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,173
We're goin' places, Homer.

234
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,883
Soon you'll be
in a higher tax bracket.

235
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,722
What's that thing
on your shoulder?

236
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,473
Uh, my son.

237
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,933
You can't have a kid.

238
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,352
But I have a kid.

239
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,896
A kid indicates you took time
away from me to conceive.

240
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,690
It's like a virus.
It starts spreading,

241
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,692
and suddenly
everyone's getting married

242
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:15,877
when they should be working.

243
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,278
Working. Always working.

244
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,614
I have a difficult choice here.

245
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,659
You chose me over money?

246
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,203
Ooh! I deserved that.

247
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,539
And that. Now he's worth
ten billion dollars.

248
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,083
I still have his phone number,
but I've never called it.

249
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,209
Well, why not?

250
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,335
He loved you before.

251
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,879
You're the same guy.

252
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:35,963
Yeah!

253
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:38,424
Homer Simpson?

254
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,967
Buddy, is that you?

255
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,344
I've been expecting this call
for years.

256
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,888
You remember me?

257
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,640
Of course. I've been waiting
to say something to you.

258
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:47,808
Are you ready?

259
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,143
I sure am.

260
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,479
Good-bye

261
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:54,190
forever.

262
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,448
Closure is supposed to be
a good thing.

263
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:04,074
Also, I'm afraid, a newborn

264
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,786
and a journalism career
did not mix.

265
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,497
This is terrible! I wanted
quotes from the swing set,

266
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,123
not price quotes on swing sets.

267
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,168
Party pics, not potty tips.

268
00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:15,961
Glitterati, not babysitterati.

269
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,148
Are you getting my drift
or should I throw you an oar?

270
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,217
It's important for new parents
to know this stuff.

271
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,510
New parents? Eh.

272
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,904
They're not the audience
for the Leisure Section.

273
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,179
All they care about are babies.

274
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,032
Babies are boring.
I'd rather talk about soccer.

275
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:27,973
And I hate soccer!

276
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,600
Marge, do you like bacon?

277
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:30,810
Yes, ac...

278
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,454
Well, you got one last chance
to save yours.

279
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,247
Get me a good nightlife story,
or I'm replacing you

280
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,816
with someone with a nightlife,
Barbara Rellalinsky!

281
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,360
I will get the scoop.

282
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,028
So,

283
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,031
you've moved
into painting giant schnozzes.

284
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,492
Marge, the mouth
has had its say.

285
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,829
Now it's time to find out
what the nose knows.

286
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,331
That's a pull-quote,
if ever I heard one.

287
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,875
Pretty much everything I say
is quotable.

288
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,002
Well, not that.

289
00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,964
What are you doing here?

290
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,507
I'm so sorry, sweetie.

291
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:03,050
I know it's my night
to watch Bart,

292
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,760
but he just won't stop fussing.

293
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,555
Did you try driving around
to make him fall asleep?

294
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:09,306
It only worked on me.

295
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:17,940
Next stop: Somali Pirate Island.

296
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,030
Bunny!

297
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,459
It's not art anymore!

298
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,004
It's a misshapen lump
on the floor!

299
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,715
Not like this masterpiece!

300
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,136
Marge, this photo is dynamite!

301
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,137
Thank you!

302
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,471
Dynamite kills people!

303
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,932
Thanks to your kid, we just lost
all our art advertising,

304
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,202
the art gallery and Art's Deli,
which catered the event.

305
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,204
You're fired! Turn in
your press card and your fedora!

306
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,998
And I'm gonna erase your name
from this birthday card

307
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,857
we got for Doris.

308
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,234
See? It's gone! She won't
miss it. She never liked you.

309
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,445
But I still had
the greatest job in the world,

310
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,864
I thought: Being a mom.

311
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:12,995
Boy, if it wasn't for naptime,

312
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,664
we'd have all been dead
from the stress years ago.

313
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,839
I didn't do it.

314
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,508
You are banned forever
from Gymdandee;

315
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,303
Our sister shops,
Swimdandee and Violindandee;

316
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,513
And all other Kid Kennel
enrichment centers

317
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,681
and baby prisons.

318
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,185
Hey, Homer.

319
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,853
Haven't seen you in a while.

320
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,355
I switched to donuts.

321
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,856
Oy.

322
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,566
Our dream life crumbling,

323
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,361
Homie and I sought counseling
at the church.

324
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,115
You were so very wise
to bring your problems here.

325
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,117
Now, won't you bow your heads

326
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,203
and watch this video.

327
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,920
Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom,

328
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:06,882
author of Fractured Families
and How to Heal Them.

329
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,386
I think we all know
who Professor Thernstrom is.

330
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,262
Play the video.

331
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,223
Jane was an only child.

332
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,558
And science has proven
that only children

333
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,018
are lonely children

334
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,105
and lonely children
are evil children.

335
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:29,238
Jane's problems
became the family's problems.

336
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,746
They came to see me,
and, nine months later,

337
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,999
Joe was born, and all was well.

338
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,667
Do not undertake
procreation alone.

339
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,627
Warning: Second child
may cause loss of money,

340
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,151
limited vacations,
and reduced sleep.

341
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,940
Do not have a second child
if you have heart problems,

342
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,733
are pregnant, or want to keep
your spare bedroom.

343
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,510
In rare cases,
sibling rivalry may occur.

344
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,639
That's it, Homie!

345
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,016
That's the answer!

346
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,018
We're having another child.

347
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,310
But just the one.

348
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,937
We're not Catholics.

349
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,481
And so we decided to have Lisa.

350
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,150
That's what
this was building to?

351
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,819
I thought this was the story
of how we got our furnace.

352
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,321
Who would care
how we got the furnace?

353
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,322
I would care.

354
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,657
It came with the house.

355
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,576
Mystery solved!

356
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,004
Finally, he's asleep.
Let's make another.

357
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,006
No. Oh, not here.

358
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,884
He might wake up. The only safe
place is out on the fire escape.

359
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,510
What if firemen need it?

360
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,512
I'll be quick.

361
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:40,184
Now Mother Nature does the rest.

362
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,942
Duh, girls don't like me.

363
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,077
Hey! No fair!

364
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,079
Hey, where did he get
those glasses?

365
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,623
The saxophone makes sense,
but the glasses don't?

366
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,166
Shut up, you!

367
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,251
Shut up!

368
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,925
And so after a lot
of late-night ice cream

369
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:13,926
and pickles,

370
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,552
Lisa was born.

371
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,012
And the best part was.

372
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,224
Bart became the calmest boy
in the whole world.

373
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,683
More or less.

374
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,018
Why, you...

375
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,522
you delightful little blessing.

376
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,443
Someone's gonna need
four months of rehab.

377
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,403
Not covered by insurance.

378
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:38,075
So a family with kids
is a different kind of happy,

379
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,743
but still happy.

380
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,329
Wow. Just, uh...
wow.

381
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,747
Hey, where's your wife?

382
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,083
Uh, she left me forever
during your story.

383
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,335
If you look out the window,
you can probably see her.

384
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,296
Why did you leave?!

385
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,966
Because I never want to be stuck
with people like you

386
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:57,719
who stunt each other's growth
with your rampant dysfunction!

387
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,557
Quick. Family smile.

388
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,058
Our lives are great!

389
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,645
We left out the happy parts
because they were boring!

390
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,106
Nothing wrong with this picture.

391
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:14,695
Get over here, Lisa.

392
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,196
The only way humanity survives

393
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,616
is if people perpetuate
this lie.

394
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,076
Well, why is she frowning?

395
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,203
Is there some unhappiness
you're hiding?

396
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,624
I'm gonna stake my whole
marriage on what you do next!

397
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,626
Smile. Don't be a dink.

398
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,674
I love you, Miles!

399
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:40,721
You did it, sweetie.

400
00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:42,598
You saved two bad marriages.

401
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,933
What's the first bad marriage?

402
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,185
Uh, I miscounted.

403
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,020
You saved one bad marriage.
Just one.

404
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:51,648
Aw, reminds me
of the first time we hugged.

405
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,649
Great story.

406
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,026
Get out.

407
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,153
Well, we may not be ethical,

408
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,946
but we're a great team.

409
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,282
Just like Fred and Ethical.

410
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,825
Want to tell us
how Maggie was born?

411
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,285
We told you that story.

412
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,621
- And how we got the dog?
- Found him at Christmas.

413
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,248
- And the origin of the cat?
- Nobody cares.

414
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,170
This was a nice idea, Homie.

415
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,713
I'm glad we came back here.

416
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:15,964
Just the two of us.

417
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,385
Just imagine what they'd do

418
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,471
if Grampa wasn't watching them.

419
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,723
I wish I'd never had kids.

420
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,726
Thank God there's no munitions
left in the factory.

421
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,061
Never too late for another!

422
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,355
No one's made it out
in a half century!

423
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:33,398
I didn't even know
there were five of us!

424
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,364
Make room! What the...?

425
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,032
How did you get in here?

426
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,700
Mind your own business.

427
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH