1
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,884
Dad, we're four episodes early.

2
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,978
Here it is, Myra...
The key to the trophy case.

3
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,730
If we'd ever won a trophy,

4
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,356
I would've turned
the heck out of it.

5
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,818
I can't believe
you're retiring, sir.

6
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,823
Martin, I must ask you to keep
secret what you just heard...

7
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,076
The shocking news
that I'm retiring.

8
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,162
Sir, you are addressing
a student safety monitor.

9
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:22,791
With diagonal belt
comes great responsibility.

10
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,585
I've got a secret!
Firsties!

11
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,386
What?!

12
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,680
Skinner's quitting!
I won the pool!

13
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,266
Guess who's renting two songs
from iTunes!

14
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,352
Skinner's retiring!
Bombardment!

15
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,062
He will be missed! Bombardment!

16
00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:46,689
He stood up for me when
they tried to ban bombardment!

17
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,108
Bombardment!

18
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,361
My fellow Americans, and Uter:

19
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,862
The rumors... are true.

20
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,447
I'm resigning the principalcy

21
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,116
effective Taco Tuesday.

22
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,661
Seymour, you will be missed.

23
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:06,501
And now, the flyover
by the Permission Slip Angels.

24
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,756
Ow! My distance-vision eye.

25
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,676
Skinner leaving.
One last chance to honor him.

26
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,011
With a shot to the head.

27
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,394
Oh. Move it.

28
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,105
Come on, Bart!
Take the shot!

29
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,149
I don't have the damn shot!

30
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,526
Now, in honor
of our principal's retirement,

31
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,862
we'll have a performance
from a super talent

32
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,197
who's gonna wrap up
our feelings.

33
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,366
I can't believe
this is good-bye.

34
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,660
You were like a mommy
who wears a tie.

35
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,079
You once called men
who put me in a net.

36
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,331
You always told me
when I was wet.

37
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,168
They said I had to wait
two years to do karate.

38
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,296
Even though my friend who is
the same age is in the class.

39
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,881
Karate!

40
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,299
There's a certain lack
of elegance

41
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,800
in rhyming karate with karate.

42
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,010
Karate!

43
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,595
Now, I'll share a fond farewell

44
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,639
with one student chosen
at random to represent you all.

45
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,476
Oh! Bart Simpson.

46
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,771
There is a God,
and his name is the Devil.

47
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,525
Bart, come forward.

48
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,403
In the words of the late
David Bowie, né Jones:

49
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,071
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes."

50
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,532
All rights reserved,
Ziggy Stardust Publishing.

51
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,367
Gotcha!

52
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,079
No. Got you!

53
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,623
Now, Willie! The honey!

54
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,801
Simpson, I'm not retiring.

55
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,387
This was all
just a prank on you.

56
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,058
Leave him alone!

57
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,773
Where do I go?
How do I live this down?

58
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,068
Mom, my humiliation bath
is getting cold.

59
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,862
Hold still.
You've got honey in your pits.

60
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,741
Oh. Mm, sticky.

61
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,078
Bombardment!

62
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,121
Haw-haw!

63
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,290
Oh, Nelsoned by Largo.

64
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,751
I'll get them back.
I'll get them all back.

65
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,212
And that'll be the end of it
forever.

66
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:17,090
Not good enough!

67
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,512
What are you gonna do, Bart?
Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me.

68
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,097
I'll have nightmares,

69
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,058
like the one where I'm wearing
my pajamas during the daytime.

70
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:28,685
You are wearing your pajamas.

71
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,479
Some day I want
to be a racecar driver.

72
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,731
Do you know how many get killed?

73
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,193
They don't show that
on the pajamas!

74
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,357
Pranking Bart was
my "Sergeant Peppers,"

75
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,718
after a lifetime
of "Back Off Boogaloos."

76
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,096
What the...? Simpson!

77
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476
My skin!

78
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,318
Hey, Brandine.

79
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,738
These woods is filled
with scary white people.

80
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,156
What else is new?

81
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,490
Bait the traps.

82
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,160
Mama needs a new people coat.

83
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,787
Thanks to one vengeful
prankster, clowns...

84
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:32,874
Once a source of delight...
Have now become more twisted

85
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:36,294
than the balloon animals they
wrap their creepy hands around.

86
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,588
We only hope
that by showing it on TV,

87
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,173
no one goes out and copies it.

88
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,883
Now, let's tell you
how it's done.

89
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,468
Send your copycat videos

90
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:47,430
to "Kent's Krazy Klown Karnival
of Kartoon Karnage."

91
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,994
Upside down and inside out,
and you can feel it...

92
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:20,296
Oh, no. No. Now people have
to judge us by our music.

93
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,714
We're doomed.

94
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,508
20 seconds to air.

95
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,135
How many times have I told you
not to wake me

96
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,012
till it's two seconds to air?

97
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,472
Krusty, I have to warn you.

98
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,183
People's attitudes
have changed about...

99
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,852
Hey-hey, kids!

100
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,314
Calm down, children.
I'm here.

101
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,109
The shirtless man
with the bone through his skull

102
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:44,654
and a grass skirt
with nothing down under.

103
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,117
I tried to warn you.

104
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,743
People hate clowns now.

105
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,662
And the advertisers
want to meet with you.

106
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,088
What is it with Bart
and these pranks?

107
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,881
- I don't get it.
- I don't know.

108
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,299
Boys will be boys.

109
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,843
That's another thing
I don't get.

110
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,053
What does that mean?
Spoons will be spoons.

111
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,139
But they don't make you go
to juvenile court

112
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,723
at 8:00 in the morning.

113
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,785
Yo. If we hurry, we can get
those breakfast burritos

114
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,103
- they serve at the courthouse.
- Those are good, Marge.

115
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,729
Children's Court of Springfield

116
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,273
is now in session.

117
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,608
Apologies.
Divorced dad, no sitter.

118
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,735
That must be really tough,
Judge.

119
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,863
I raised a turtle by myself.
Pure hell.

120
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,323
Milhouse said he'd help,
and he just walked away.

121
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,783
Let me look at your file, son.

122
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,577
Your Honor,
I can save you some time.

123
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,371
I've done it all: Juvie,
state juvie, groovy juvie,

124
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,207
the Montessori prison,
Outward and Inward Bound.

125
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,668
So you're down
to fry me or free me.

126
00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,921
What can I say?
I'm a widdle dickens.

127
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,596
Well, Bart, based on the ancient
judicial principle

128
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,681
"boys will be boys..."

129
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,270
- ...I'm going to hand down a suspended...
- No!

130
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,773
- Marge, for once, let us get rich people justice.
- No.

131
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:06,402
Judge, I love my son,
but he's got a real problem.

132
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,489
- He needs to learn the meaning of consequences.
- Huh?

133
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,076
Bart, I sentence you to 28 days

134
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,663
at the Tomorrow's New Horizons
Addiction Rehab Center

135
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,374
and General Rotten Time Ranch.

136
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,545
Mom, how could you
do that to me?

137
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:28,341
- Yeah, Mom.
- Because I love you, Bart.

138
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,301
And a mother's toughest job
is saying.

139
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,095
"Help me.
My kid has a problem."

140
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,182
I do not! All I ask is, Dad,
while I'm gone,

141
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,309
will you hold onto my can
of peanut brittle?

142
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,978
Anything for you, son.

143
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,355
Snakes!

144
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,357
Gotcha!

145
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,983
Why you little...!

146
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:51,155
Oh. The snakes
ate all the peanut brittle.

147
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,990
I don't know.

148
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,201
I don't know
if I did the right thing.

149
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,786
Comfort me.

150
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,997
Oh, Marge, part of being
a parent is doing things

151
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,625
that'll make your child
never speak to you again.

152
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,337
Oh, no, honey,
I didn't mean "never."

153
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,089
Definitely on his deathbed.

154
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,300
When he's dying.

155
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:16,013
I had to do it.
I had to do it.

156
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,808
He was out of control.
Look what he did to Krusty.

157
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,604
I feel terrible for his writers.

158
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,065
I beat you

159
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,233
if you don't flip sign.

160
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,569
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip!

161
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:36,951
What are you here for?
To laugh at me?

162
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,245
- No.
- Please laugh at me!

163
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,372
I don't exist
unless you laugh at me!

164
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,459
Look what you've done to me!

165
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,549
He looks just like me!

166
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,301
And Maggie looks just like Lisa.

167
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,053
And Milhouse's mother looks
just like Milhouse's father.

168
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,347
Why is this universe so lazy?

169
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,765
Never mind that.

170
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,642
Krusty, our son's prank
caused this.

171
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,810
We're gonna help you.

172
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,478
Ah, forget it.
I'm finished.

173
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,940
- Wait, wait.
- What?

174
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,108
You can still work.

175
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,359
What if you gave up comedy

176
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,695
and transitioned
to serious acting?

177
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,238
Eh, impossible.

178
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,449
I've never shown genuine emotion
in my life.

179
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:18,659
I'm even reading this
off a card.

180
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,705
Okay, next card.

181
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,624
But seriously,
I gotta speak from the...

182
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,459
Next card... heart.

183
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,210
I can't be a dramatic actor.

184
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,755
I have all the depth
of a foot bath.

185
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,341
Next card. Skip that one.
Next card.

186
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,968
A lot of funny actors
have transitioned to drama:

187
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,928
Tom Hanks, Albert Brooks.

188
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,388
I'm not convinced.

189
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,973
- Michael Keaton.
- I'm in.

190
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,767
- Zach Braff.
- Now I'm not so sure.

191
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,811
- Bryan Cranston.
- I'm in. And hopeful.

192
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:49,982
Greetings!

193
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,110
I am your director,
Llewellyn Sinclair,

194
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,613
and you are the Barbies and Kens

195
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,198
whom I shall pose

196
00:10:57,281 --> 00:11:00,159
in my Malibu beach house
of thespic triumph.

197
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,453
My choice for our play
is Arthur Miller's.

198
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:04,372
Death of a Salesman.

199
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,541
However, the rights
cost too much,

200
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,878
so we'll be doing this knockoff
version, The Salesman's Bad Day.

201
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,465
Don't worry, the text
is just Play-Doh

202
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,384
to be extruded through
the Fun Factory

203
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,844
of my Tony Award-watching
genius.

204
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:22,139
To play Willie Salesman, please
welcome the man who's taking

205
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:25,559
a bold leap into
intentional unfunniness,

206
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,978
and giving me
a ride home tonight,

207
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,690
and maybe more, hmm?

208
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,942
Mr. Herschel Krustofsky.

209
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,569
Hey-hey. Let me see the script.

210
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,822
My line. My line. Garbage.

211
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,198
Garbage. My line.

212
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,574
I don't know.

213
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,201
Should I really be doing this?

214
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,744
I'm an out-of-work has-been

215
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,455
whose next logical step
is to take his own life.

216
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,667
And that's exactly what
Death of a Salesman is about.

217
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,044
I thought this was
The Salesman's Bad Day.

218
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,546
And that's exactly what I said.

219
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,506
Anyone hear different?
I thought not!

220
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,591
But Krusty,
the part of Willie Loman,

221
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,760
I mean "Salesman,"
is perfect for you.

222
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,262
You'll just be playing yourself.

223
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,764
- Can I play someone I like?
- No.

224
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:11,731
I know he can't see me,
but can he still feel my love?

225
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,442
I'm afraid
the glass blocks that, too.

226
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:19,280
Marge, I promise
I will make your boy whole.

227
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:22,032
I want to believe that so much.

228
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,118
I'll never forget
how peaceful he was

229
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:27,747
in those moments before he took
his very first breath.

230
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:39,341
Bart, you act like you don't
have a problem,

231
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,719
but deep down,
you know you need help.

232
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,846
No way. I am awesome.

233
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:47,475
Sit down and I'll elaborate.

234
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,894
Um, I think I'll need some help.

235
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,480
Uh, Marge,
could you come in here?

236
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,899
Please, take my seat.

237
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,497
We need to get
to the bottom of this.

238
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,332
Right to the point.

239
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,708
No, no, no!

240
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,085
Oh, well, maybe I should try
a different tack.

241
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,967
Mom, don't sit down!
I don't want to hurt you.

242
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,721
Okay, you just completed
step one: Learning empathy.

243
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:29,934
Pop, look.

244
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,102
I am losing the weight.

245
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,188
Come on, Krusty!

246
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,690
There's raw emotion
just beneath your surface.

247
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,025
Frack it!

248
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:39,693
Oh, I don't know, I'm scared.

249
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,612
The theater is not for cowards.

250
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,739
All I ask for
is integrity and honesty

251
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,282
in The Salesman's Bad Day.

252
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,867
Title may change.

253
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,537
Now, Herschel,
summon that talent you've hidden

254
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,456
from the entire world
for 60 years.

255
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,167
I can't!

256
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:01,423
Hershel, my son, listen to me
and listen good.

257
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,176
You are a once-in-a-generation
performer.

258
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,553
You think so?

259
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,721
No! I was faking it.

260
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,640
And if I can do it, so can you.

261
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,892
And now, become a great actor.

262
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,228
And now, sense memory.

263
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,563
And now, be present.

264
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,772
And articulate!

265
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,315
- And we breathe.
- Oh, okay.

266
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,734
And great actor.

267
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,986
I'm sorry, my sons.

268
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,279
Clench butt.

269
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,780
I'm finished as a salesman.

270
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,407
Clenchier.

271
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,951
The only thing I have left
worth anything is...

272
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,911
Transport me to another plane.

273
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,663
...my life insurance.

274
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:35,332
But, Pop, that only pays off
if you're...

275
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,750
Big pause.

276
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,296
Dead.

277
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,423
Your pop is gonna go out
on his route, boys.

278
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,091
One last time.

279
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,885
No, Pop. No.

280
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,596
Tell your mother I'm sorry
about the woman in Boston!

281
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:51,932
Also, my death is a metaphor
for American industry!

282
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,104
I'm doing it. I'm doing it!

283
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:00,566
And I'll be fine, unless I get
those voices in my head.

284
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:03,027
You can't act.

285
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,406
You're a clown, and that's all
you'll ever be.

286
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,617
And when you die,
they'll be playing this:

287
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,201
No.

288
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,786
No. Stop it.

289
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,914
No! No! No!

290
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,584
Anything wrong, Krusty?

291
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,794
Only what's tormented me
my entire life.

292
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,922
Very good.
See you tomorrow.

293
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,933
Reverend,
I'm here for my last step:

294
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,518
To make amends
for the rotten things I've done.

295
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,645
Oh, fine.

296
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,648
Let me get into uniform.

297
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,858
I'm sorry I cut
all the Bible ribbons short

298
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,401
so no one could
mark their place.

299
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,736
Why you son of a...

300
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,744
Willie, I'm sorry
I shaved your beard.

301
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,163
I've had to wear a merkin
on me face.

302
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,084
I also had the blades removed
from your lawnmower.

303
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,752
You've just been riding around.

304
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,879
No one interferes
with me mowing!

305
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,173
And I'm sorry I used
your baseball chalker

306
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:07,883
to write "Skinner Sucks."

307
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,511
I'll show you who su...
Wait, you can do that?

308
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,096
Please don't encourage me.

309
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,724
Thank you for encouraging me.

310
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,601
Ugh, we're out of chalk.

311
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:21,230
You know,
I had just completed rehab.

312
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,315
Well, me, too.

313
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,195
America loves a lot of things,

314
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,447
but I never dreamed
a comeback was one of them.

315
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,657
- Tell me, Krusty.
- No, no.

316
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:32,908
No more of the "K" word.

317
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,326
I'm a serious actor now.

318
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,245
If only my father could see me.

319
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:39,707
Oh, I see you.
Son, you used to be a putz.

320
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,750
Now you're a putz
trying to be a schmendrick,

321
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,460
which makes you a schmeckle.

322
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,504
Get out of my head!

323
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,675
Yet another puff piece
that ends in madness.

324
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,594
I know you lost the love
of Linda Ellerbee

325
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,513
while we were launching the luge

326
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,015
at the Olympics in Lillehammer.

327
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,766
B-B-B-Brokaw!

328
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,564
Bart Simpson cured of pranking?

329
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,274
I never thought I'd see it.

330
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,192
And you haven't.
Look up there.

331
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,902
Water balloons, ready to drop.

332
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:14,033
It's times like this
I'm glad I have eyebrows.

333
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,414
Sweetie, I've never
been prouder of you.

334
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:25,169
I knew my little bad seed
could bloom into a flower.

335
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:27,546
You're proud of me?

336
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,386
That's right.
Now go give that speech

337
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,514
and know that sitting in that
audience will be your mother,

338
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,350
who's always believed in you.

339
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,817
Nothing can rain
on my parade today.

340
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,572
I... I... I... Run!

341
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,205
Simpson!

342
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,625
Motherhood sucks.

343
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,506
Boys will be boys.

344
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,427
You can't come in here.

345
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,513
This is the
"boys will be boys" room.

346
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:24,770
Tonight, you will make
theatrical history.

347
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,730
You'll take a play
that has been seen

348
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:30,526
all over the world more times
than man can count,

349
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,778
and you will do
the best version ever.

350
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,781
How do I know?
Because I just took six Valiums!

351
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,283
See you outside.

352
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,454
You'll never get rid of me.

353
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,124
You'll always be
a self-hating clown.

354
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,047
When I was 17,
I walked into the Amazon.

355
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,299
The company, not the river.

356
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052
And when I was 21, I walked out.

357
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:01,014
And, man, was I loaded.

358
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,600
Thank you, Jeff Bezos.

359
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,144
Listen to your uncle, boys.

360
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,854
He's a great man.

361
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,897
The audience is quiet.
That means you're bombing.

362
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,566
Quick, you got to get a laugh.

363
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,151
Drop your pants,
show your fanny.

364
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,652
You know, your "A" material.

365
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,320
Get out of my head.

366
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,197
I... am...

367
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,782
...a serious actor!

368
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,453
Laughs?
I'm getting laughs.

369
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,873
- And not from a machine.
- Go with it.

370
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,374
I'm a salesman.

371
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,001
A dying salesman

372
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,460
I'm Willie Loman.

373
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,920
Just watch me go, man

374
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,380
I'm gonna suck.

375
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,549
That old gas pipe.

376
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,342
Pipe, pipe.

377
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,972
Whatever doesn't kill me
makes the play longer.

378
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:48,520
This play will run forever.

379
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,689
Okay, but now that I'm
big again,

380
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,108
I can't work Tuesdays,
Thursdays,

381
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,861
the month of July,
or Toronto Raptors' home games.

382
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,696
I'm the Spike Lee of that team.

383
00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,657
Ah, standard exemptions.
I love it.

384
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,995
He fails at everything
he can.

385
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:07,122
His sons can't stand
their old man.

386
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,498
It's sell, sell, sell.

387
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,668
Till he dies, dies, dies.

388
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,588
In a car crash.

389
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:17,174
All's well that ends well.

390
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,551
How did it end well?
He's ruining my play.

391
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:22,179
Well, don't worry. You've got
plenty of other good plays.

392
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,223
Oh, wait. You don't.

393
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,808
Hey, I'm America's
greatest playwright.

394
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,685
Exactly.

395
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,988
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH