1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,310
(school bell ringing)

2
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,046
Okay, children,
everyone pick an instrument.

3
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,214
Doesn't matter which one.

4
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,315
Everyone's gonna be bad.

5
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,316
(chattering)

6
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,518
Eh, who cares? I'm union.

7
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:20,654
I told you,
I am not playing an instrument.

8
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,923
You're playing an instrument.

9
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,226
Mom, music is made by computers,

10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,929
not rusty metal you put
in your-- ugh-- mouth.

11
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,932
Look, your mom thinks
that forcing you to do music

12
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:34,102
in school will somehow make you
into a different person

13
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,770
than we all know you are--
which it won't-- so just do it,

14
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,772
or I'll cut all your shorts
into skirts.

15
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:39,940
Fine.

16
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,975
What about this stupid thing?

17
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,114
-(blowing notes)
-(kids grunting)

18
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,951
(gasps)

19
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,753
Why don't you try this clarinet?

20
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,423
It's like the recorder,
but cooler.

21
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:56,524
(groans)

22
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,026
(upbeat march playing)

23
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,394
(yelling)

24
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,498
What about this hobo guitar?

25
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,568
(light classical music playing)

26
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,938
-(people screaming)
-(laughs)

27
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:13,474
At least he was wearing
a tuxedo.

28
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,109
Now can we get out of here?

29
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,245
The Wi-Fi sucks,
and I'm trying to click through

30
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,080
this slideshow of celebrities
who let themselves go.

31
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:23,083
Word is that number four
is insane.

32
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,952
And here's the form which says

33
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,987
you're responsible
for the instrument.

34
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:33,327
So, if I break the violin,
Homer has to pay?

35
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:35,296
Homer has to pay?

36
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,398
The school is lending
your son an instrument

37
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,800
that's worth $430.

38
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:41,969
(gasps)

39
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,637
(shrieking melodically)

40
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:48,809
Violin, you and me are gonna
make beautiful music together.

41
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,844
(Symphony No. 5
by Beethoven playing)

42
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,936
Bart? Bart?

43
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,339
$430 violin?

44
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,512
If the beer's in a frosted mug,
you're not an alcoholic,

45
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,714
you're an aficionado.

46
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,016
-(shrieks)
-Hello, Father.

47
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,951
Thank you for
taking responsibility

48
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,120
for this lovely instrument.

49
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,055
I trust you find its music...

50
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,658
-(plays screeching note)
-soothing.

51
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,693
Come on, dude,
just leave me alone.

52
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:42,530
I'm a good man.
I've got kids!

53
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,398
You're right,
I've been too hard on you.

54
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,200
Here you go. Catch.

55
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,035
*

56
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,507
*

57
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,645
(laughs)

58
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,648
You. You.
I took you into my home,

59
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,583
and you've stolen everything
from me.

60
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,218
You know what this is?

61
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:07,087
It's me playing
the world's smallest violin.

62
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,256
(laughs)

63
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,290
(yells)

64
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,594
(panting)

65
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,329
I'm free. I'm free.

66
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,964
I'm finally free!

67
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,335
Mwah!

68
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:23,170
(gasps)
Where are you going?

69
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,875
To do to my brain what I just
did to your dreams for our son.

70
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,445
LENNY, CARL and BARNEY:
Chug, chug, chug!

71
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,447
Chug, chug, chug!

72
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:34,882
(train chugging)

73
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,084
-(whistle toots)
-(chuckles)

74
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:41,121
The little engine that could...
get me wasted.

75
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,924
Yeah, everyone loves
the ol' Disorient Express.

76
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,859
-(whistle toots)
-(phone ringing)

77
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,561
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.

78
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,797
What? You have
the nerve to call me?

79
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,932
Why don't you delete my number
from your phone,

80
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,601
then put the phone in a sock,

81
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,202
and then beat yourself
in the head

82
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,872
till your face looks like
motor lodge buffet eggs!

83
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,874
(chuckles)
Yeah, another prank call, huh?

84
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,777
Who was it this time, uh,
"Anita Manbone"?

85
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,245
"Ivan Talickya"?

86
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,947
Ooh, ooh, I got one.

87
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,082
"John Rootbeer."

88
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,919
Eh, it wasn't no prankster.

89
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,054
It was someone I know
all too well.

90
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,424
-Oh, who?
-Shut your stinkin' face-hole!

91
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,626
That's who it was, okay?!
Bar's closed!

92
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,994
Everybody get out! Get out!

93
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,298
(groans)

94
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,899
(blows)

95
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,900
(buzzes)

96
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,903
Oh, stupid drunk breath.

97
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,104
Ah.

98
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:33,006
-(blows)
-(buzzes)

99
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,608
Oh, stupid drunk dog!

100
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:38,011
(barking)

101
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:41,148
Guess I'll have to order
a ride on my smartphone.

102
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,785
Get in.

103
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,354
(car door closes)

104
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,122
No mints?
I should've just called Uber.

105
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,360
Hey. What's with Moe?

106
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,027
It's too late for the cockfights

107
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,796
and too early
for the rat fights.

108
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,466
He's been extra psycho
since he got that phone call.

109
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,933
(muttering):
I just want to...

110
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,969
(grunting, shouting)

111
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,338
Oh, it sounds like that time
you lit the barbecue

112
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,806
with a possum inside.

113
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,140
(Moe panting)

114
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,976
Hmm, maybe we should follow him.

115
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,611
Mm, you're the sober one.

116
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,847
Call me, will you?
Oh, I'll meet you, all right.

117
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,449
I'll meet you good.

118
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,852
(Moe muttering)

119
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,888
(grunting, shouting)

120
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,961
(shouting)

121
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,497
-I'll kill you.
-(choking)

122
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,864
I'll kill you, you dirty mug!

123
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,666
You've got to stop them.

124
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,704
Let me go, huh?

125
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,305
I'm one loafer smack away

126
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,240
from tearing off
his whole hair system!

127
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,810
Why are you fighting
with an old man?

128
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,513
Because this old man...
(panting)

129
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,347
is my old man.

130
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,883
Morty Szyslak.
Nice to meet you.

131
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,152
You mean nothing to me. Huh?

132
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,423
All you are is a rotten old
rib roast covered in cologne.

133
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,190
You ungrateful punk.

134
00:05:57,224 --> 00:06:00,093
You're not worthy to walk
through a cloud of my scent.

135
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,829
I never should've called you.

136
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,797
On that we agree.

137
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:09,937
The saddest thing in the world
is seeing a family broken apart.

138
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,673
-(drunken growling)
-(chuckles)

139
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,274
Drunk dog.

140
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,183
Oh, I ain't seen
my pops for years.

141
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,786
After he called,
I weakened and went to meet him.

142
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,021
But one sniff of
"Eau de Sportcoat,"

143
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,357
and my shoe was in my hand.

144
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,927
How could you go so long
without seeing your own father?

145
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,797
Seriously, how'd you do it?
It sounds amazing.

146
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,265
Yeah, well, let me explain.

147
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:41,101
You know how the world
sees me as a... a...

148
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,136
-Human toilet brush?
-Bingo.

149
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,773
Well, I'm the white sheep
of my family.

150
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,308
They're involved
in a very evil business.

151
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,578
-Illegal drugs?
-No, worse.

152
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,647
-Prescription drugs?
-Oh, well, not that bad.

153
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:57,384
The Szyslaks are...
mattress salesmen.

154
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,453
-(both gasp)
-Eh, I know, I know.

155
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:02,089
They're like mortgage brokers
without the moral code.

156
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,091
Charging people 1,200 bucks

157
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,494
for what's essentially
a big bag of hay.

158
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,498
(humming)

159
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:16,069
Growing up, it was me, my dad
and my brother and sister.

160
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,105
We were the biggest
mattress chain in town,

161
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,108
mainly thanks
to our local TV ads.

162
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,143
(grunts)
How does it...?

163
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,344
There it is.

164
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,114
(fanfare playing)

165
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,116
Here ye, hear ye!

166
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,119
I declare the best deals
in all the land!

167
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,822
And don't ye forget:
no credit...

168
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,624
No problem!

169
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,325
So come on down
to Mattress King,

170
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:41,028
at any one of our many
convenient locations.

171
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,765
We'll have you sleeping
on a new mattress

172
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,834
-to...
-Knight!

173
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,136
-And cut.
-Great work, kids.

174
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,138
Everyone gets an onion.

175
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,843
MOE: But there was another
reason for our success,

176
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,477
as I was about to learn.

177
00:07:57,511 --> 00:08:00,714
Son, your voice is finally
gravelly enough

178
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:04,618
for you to learn what it takes
to survive in the sleep biz.

179
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,286
Bedbugs?!

180
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,722
These are Hungarian
mattress gnashers.

181
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,624
The only way to get rid of them

182
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,694
is to walk away from your house
naked and start a new life.

183
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,928
(chuckles)

184
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,700
Y-You're gonna
sabotage our rivals?

185
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,202
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You are.

186
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,739
You want to be a sandman,
a slumber jack, a yawn jockey?

187
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:29,342
This is what it takes.
It's the Szyslak way.

188
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,057
MOE: They were
the competition, sure,

189
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,759
but they were a family, too.

190
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,195
I couldn't ruin them.

191
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,200
You should be proud.
You did a good deed.

192
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,870
Yeah, well, that good deed
ruin't my life.

193
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,339
That family I took pity on,

194
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,209
they doused
our mattresses with bedbugs.

195
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,945
The Szyslak empire was ruin't.

196
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,214
Soon, we were down
to just a few locations.

197
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,783
My pops never said
how disappointed he was,

198
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,852
but he let me know
in his own way,

199
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,854
by kicking me out
and turning my room

200
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,624
into a home gym he never used.

201
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,292
My brother and sister took
my place in my father's heart.

202
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,562
The only connection I had
with Pops was LinkedIn.

203
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,564
(gasps)
That's worse than nothing.

204
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,700
Why do you think your dad
reached around to you

205
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,368
after all these years?

206
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,938
I don't care.
I don't care so much!

207
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,773
Moe, you will never have peace

208
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,908
until you make up
with your father.

209
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,977
Honey, I need you to hear this:

210
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:41,281
sticking your nose in Moe's
horrible life will end badly.

211
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,951
Homer, what's your
favorite movie?

212
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,452
Fast & Furious 6.

213
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,420
And what's the theme
of that movie?

214
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:48,789
Cars.

215
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,457
What's the other theme?

216
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,592
(gasps)
Family.

217
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,094
She's right, Moe.

218
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,830
You got to give your cars
a second chance.

219
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,335
-BART and LISA: Is that
your family's mattress store?
-MOE: No.

220
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,937
Is that your family's
mattress store?

221
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,438
-No.
-Is that your family's
mattress store?

222
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,606
No!

223
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,941
Geez, I never noticed

224
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,910
how many mattress stores
there are.

225
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,345
Yeah, you never do
till you're shopping for one.

226
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,447
Then they're
freakin' everywhere.

227
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,787
That mattress looked perfectly
fine when it was delivered.

228
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,756
It's not my fault
you flipped it over!

229
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,758
Mr. Szyslak,
I've brought someone here

230
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,127
who still cares for you.

231
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,262
Um, hey there, Pops.

232
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:33,300
I'm, uh, I'm sorry about
shoe-slapping your face and all.

233
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,036
Well, maybe I had it coming.

234
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,637
You hittin' that?

235
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,974
-Can I, uh, say I am?
-Mm-mm.

236
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,112
That must be
Moe's brother and sister.

237
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:48,782
They don't look ugly like Moe,
but I'm still feeling the ugly.

238
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:52,519
Ugh. That one's eating
Chinese food with scissors.

239
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,922
(Lisa, Homer and Bart shudder)

240
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,125
Hey, what's Ugly Do-Right
doing here?

241
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,893
He ain't no mattress man.

242
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:03,964
I will never forgive you for
what you made Dad did to you.

243
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,000
Oh, so we're doing the "what
I done made Dad did" thing?

244
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,036
Because I can did this
all day long!

245
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,670
Shut up, you box springs!

246
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,472
I'm the one what reached around

247
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,374
to this cesspool
of disappointment.

248
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,210
You know, to make amends.

249
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,546
-Amends?!
-Amends?!
-Amends?!

250
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,582
There's no reason
for this to come to shoes!

251
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,018
I want you all
to come to our house

252
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,854
for a family forgiveness dinner.

253
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,255
We'll be there.

254
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,090
Can I bring
a bottle of something?

255
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,759
That would be lovely.

256
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,027
You want oxy or Demerol?

257
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,328
MARGE:
Okay, the brother here,

258
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,330
the father there, Moe here...

259
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,932
No. No good.

260
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,934
You know,
when this all ends horribly,

261
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,937
it's gonna be pretty hard
not to say "I told you so."

262
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,372
Just don't say it.

263
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,440
You've never been married,
have you, Lisa?

264
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,209
When you love someone very much,

265
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:52,045
the toughest thing
is not to rub their face

266
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,882
in their horrible screw-ups.

267
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,119
(Marge groaning worriedly)

268
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,722
So, okay, here's a fun game.

269
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,958
Everyone take turns
saying something nice

270
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,427
about a person
they're related to.

271
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,730
I'll start.
Lisa has lovely penmanship.

272
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,866
Thank you, Mom.

273
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,769
Me? Uh, well, it's...

274
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:19,807
admirable how my stupid father
reached around to this traitor!

275
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,809
I'm impressed
that you better shut up

276
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,676
and make nice with the traitor!

277
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,315
I like that Bart...

278
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,619
uh... Bart is... he, uh...

279
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,788
Can I do two Lisas?

280
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,457
-Dinner fight!
-Yeah, whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do? Huh?

281
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,360
Homer! Go to phase two.

282
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:45,765
'Twas the sale before Christmas,
and all through the store

283
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:50,103
All the deals were amazing
on twin sets and more!

284
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:53,573
(to "Silent Night"):
* Mattress night

285
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,010
* Low, low price

286
00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,780
* No payments due, but...

287
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,950
Am I the only one
feeling all oniony

288
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,952
about the way things used to be?

289
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,154
We were dressed
as stinkin' reindeer,

290
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,422
but we were really
a stinkin' family.

291
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,658
Oh, I miss you frigs.

292
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,994
MOE/MARV/MINNIE:
Aw...

293
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,763
Marge, thank you for
reaching around to my family.

294
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,599
I got something
to tell all of youse.

295
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,634
I'm retiring.

296
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,502
(all gasp)

297
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:23,971
Sleepy is the head

298
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,973
that wears the mattress crown.

299
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,942
That's right,
my springs have sprung.

300
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,644
-To my son, I give a store.
-(gasps)

301
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,948
-To my daughter, I give a store.
-Aw.

302
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,649
Well, good dinner, everyone.

303
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,452
I'll see youse at the funeral
of whoever dies first.

304
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,122
And to my oldest son,
I give a store.

305
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,223
(gasps)

306
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,293
Wha...?
I buried this dream so deep,

307
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,696
no amount of self-harm
could ever carve it out.

308
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,766
Aw.

309
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,969
(inhales deeply)

310
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:59,006
Oh, the smell
of foam off-gassing.

311
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:02,442
When I cross this threshold,
I begin a new life!

312
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,412
This is the first time

313
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,915
that I've ever been carried
into a store.

314
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,383
Look at me now,
Lady Foot Locker!

315
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:11,919
Look at me now.

316
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,927
Hey, everyone.
Hey, thanks for coming out.

317
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,062
Uh, if anybody wants
a glass of wine,

318
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,997
they're on the memory foam.

319
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:27,234
-(amazed gasps)
-CLETUS: Oh! Hot dang.
My goodness.

320
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,536
Okay, okay, all right,
shut your, shut your faces.

321
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,940
Uh, the commercial that me and
my brother and sister all made

322
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,008
is about to air now.

323
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,743
-I cannot tell a lie.
-("Yankee Doodle" playing)

324
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:39,346
It's good to be back
in the mattress biz.

325
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,215
Sleep softly
and carry a big discount!

326
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,784
And now we're freeing
the savings!

327
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:48,521
So rush-more to Mattress King
Slumber Super Stores,

328
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:52,292
as we all welcome our big
brother Moe back to the family!

329
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,194
MINNIE:
And remember,

330
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,595
at Moe's location,

331
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:58,865
every mattress
had someone die on it.

332
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,300
(people gasping, murmuring)

333
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,470
-(people groaning)
-Dead-o's on my mattresses?

334
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,939
Hey, hey, somebody messed
with our commercial.

335
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:08,275
MARV:
Who died on Moe's mattresses?

336
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,277
-Shut-ins. Fat people.
-(people gasping)

337
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:13,446
MARV and MINNIE:
And inmates! Inmates! Inmates!

338
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,115
No, no, it's all lies!
Come back!

339
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,783
My mattresses are brand-new!

340
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,785
Made in the finest
Filipino sweatshops

341
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,121
by the cutest kids you ever saw!

342
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,223
-That's a gross a-mattress!
-(clamoring)

343
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,626
They betrayed me.
Stabbed me right in the hump.

344
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,228
Sorry, big brother.
(chuckles)

345
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,164
We saw an opportunity to knock
you out of the family business,

346
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,599
and we took it.

347
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,234
It's the Szyslak way.

348
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,236
(laughing)

349
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,505
But I-I brought them together.

350
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,507
How could things end so badly?

351
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,409
HOMER:
Don't say "I told you so."

352
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,910
Don't say "I told you so."
Don't say "I told you so."

353
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,179
Maybe I shouldn't
have gotten involved.

354
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:48,515
Don't say "I told you so."
Don't say "I told you so."

355
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,183
Why didn't somebody warn me?

356
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,019
Don't say "I told you so."

357
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:54,487
I told... (choking)

358
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,962
(mattress hissing)

359
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,798
When my pop finds out
I got played for a chump, huh,

360
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,968
he'll wish he never reached
around to me in the first place.

361
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,970
Moe, I'm so sorry.

362
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,306
For the first time,
I'm going to offer you

363
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,175
platonic physical comfort.

364
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,511
-(Moe grunting excitedly)
-(Marge groaning)

365
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,847
I just can't
go through with it.

366
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,383
Aw, it's all right.
You got closer than most.

367
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,053
But I have to believe
it's not too late

368
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:29,122
to reach around and fix things
with your family.

369
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:32,059
No, no, no.
I tried things the Marge way.

370
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:35,328
Now I'm gonna do this
the Szyslak way.

371
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,130
No. No!

372
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,332
That's right, me and my family,

373
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,834
we're going
to the mattresses, baby!

374
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,738
I better go with him.

375
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,974
To make sure I see it.

376
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,477
*

377
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,179
(pop, air hissing)

378
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,872
-(Marge groaning worriedly)
-(Moe and Homer panting)

379
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,874
(gasps) Oh, my God.
What happened?

380
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,211
We cut 'em up good.
(chuckles)

381
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,679
They ain't so pretty no more!

382
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,948
-(Moe chuckles)
-(Marge screams)

383
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,684
All this was just
revenge appetizers!

384
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,187
Tonight is the main course.

385
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:36,623
And I'm serving it up
family style.

386
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,225
(maniacal laughing)

387
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,960
There's only one man
who can stop this.

388
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:46,299
Sir, this shirt depicts
an octopus sportfishing

389
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,135
and drinking a mai tai.

390
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:51,638
It's the bestseller in our
Retired Blowhard collection.

391
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:52,939
Oh, yeah.

392
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:56,042
I can see myself
watching golf in this.

393
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,711
Mr. Szyslak Sr.,
you've got to do something!

394
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,581
Your children are
tearing each other apart!

395
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,783
No, no. I'm retired now.

396
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,119
Let them work out
their own little tiffs.

397
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,355
Does this look like a tiff?

398
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,159
Free mattresses?!

399
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,827
The time for leisure wear
is over.

400
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,632
Mahalo, sir.

401
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,469
Moe's in there, and I've never
seen him this angry before,

402
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,938
not even when he lost
that angriest man contest.

403
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,940
He's crazy!
He's gonna do it!

404
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,976
He's really gonna do it!

405
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,313
I'm up here, Pops.

406
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,782
I'm playing with
my little brother and sister.

407
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,484
Just like old times.

408
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:40,019
(maniacal laughing)

409
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,624
(gasps)
Hungarian mattress gnashers!

410
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:49,496
If he releases those bugs,
all our mattresses are ruined!

411
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:54,334
Not mine. My mattresses
are safe and sound.

412
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,503
-(Barney burps)
-(dog burps)

413
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,971
All my enemies... gnashed!

414
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,274
It's the Szyslak way!

415
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,776
(gasps)
Morty! Do something!

416
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,879
(maniacal laughing)

417
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:11,351
Do it! Smash that jar!

418
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,786
Take what's rightfully yours!

419
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,456
-Wait, what?
-You wanted him to dooze this?

420
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,891
He's finally man enough
to finish the job,

421
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,361
just like he should've
all those years ago.

422
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,862
Do it, son!

423
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,831
Everything will be yours!

424
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,133
Do it for your king!

425
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,869
(droning):
Do it for your king.

426
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,909
*

427
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,856
I can't do it.

428
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,258
ALL:
Wha...?!

429
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,592
Sorry, Pops.

430
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,428
I guess I'll never live
the Szyslak way.

431
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,566
Oh, Moe, you're a good man.

432
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:03,035
And these soulless mattress
jackals don't deserve you.

433
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:05,037
I never thought I'd say this,

434
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:08,775
but some families
just don't belong together.

435
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,278
-(all grunting)
-Yeah, yeah, I'll kill ya!

436
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,248
Ph-Physical contact.

437
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,124
(all screaming, grunting)

438
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,402
HOMER:
I told you so!

439
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,136
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

440
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,905
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

441
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,607
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.

442
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,409
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

443
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,148
Hey, this is Moe S.
from the Mattress King.

444
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,918
Give me a call at 555-0146.

445
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,653
For a limited time only,

446
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,956
the Mattress King's got
queen mattress sets for $99

447
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,459
and king sets for $129.

448
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,262
HOMER:
Ooh! Are you okay?

449
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:06,265
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

450
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,100
That's what I was afraid
was gonna... (grunts)

451
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,769
that's what I was
afraid was gonna happen

452
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,671
-with that damn thing.
-You all right?

453
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,172
-Oh, I'm fine.
-You sure?

454
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,174
Messed up my guitar, though.
No, I'm fine.

455
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:16,676
-You sure you're, uh...
-No, I'm fine.

456
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,010
Try your arm and stuff.

457
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,746
-He's wearing leather.
-Oh, okay.

458
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,614
-Did you get it on film?
-Yeah.

459
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,550
All right. All right!

460
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,153
Shh!