1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,872 Can't let you do it. 2 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,607 Can't let you break my record. 3 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:10,944 (groans) 4 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:18,018 LENNY/CARL/BARNEY: 27... 28... 5 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,588 Okay, Homer, this is the last pickled egg. 6 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,523 Keep it down and you win 50 bucks. 7 00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,759 (grunting): Okay. If I win, we're going out for omelets. 8 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,395 (moans) 9 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:32,833 Yeah! I am the champion of this very bad idea! 10 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,502 -(rumbling) -Uh-oh. 11 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,936 He's gonna blow! 12 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,276 Hey, Moe, you're not gonna serve those eggs, are you? 13 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:45,946 No, no. I, uh... I find another use for 'em. 14 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,888 Hmm. 15 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:58,326 I was 50 bucks up until I blew every egg out of my belly. 16 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,028 -Oh! -(horn honks) 17 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,131 MAN: Whoa! Hey there, pal. 18 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:07,034 (chuckles) I'm afraid that was the mayor's favorite light pole. 19 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,036 -(shrieks) -You give me the car, 20 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,940 I give you 500 bucks and I make all of this go away. 21 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:16,144 Uh, this is awkward. 22 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,146 You don't have to thank me. 23 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,513 Ugh! 24 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,116 Marge. 25 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:23,951 When you start a sentence with "Marge," 26 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,253 it's really bad. 27 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,921 Marge, Marge, Marge. 28 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:30,891 -I sold our car! -(gasps) 29 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,427 -What are you gonna drive? -Your car. 30 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,230 Oh. Well, then I guess I'll be riding the bus. 31 00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:39,833 That's right. Like rock stars and Rosa Parks. 32 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:43,171 Now just wait till you see what's become of our car. 33 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,106 Feast your eyes on this! 34 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,776 * Four-legged angel 35 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,078 * Who will speak for you? 36 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,747 -* Raised in the rain -(grunting softly) 37 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:57,017 * With no bone to chew 38 00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,154 * Well, maybe 39 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,356 * Someone will love you. 40 00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:03,924 Why are you showing me this? 41 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,092 I don't get it. 42 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,495 And I'm crying. (cries) 43 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,297 Lousy wrong channel. 44 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,301 ANNOUNCER: The Legends of Demolition Derby-Derby-Derby 45 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:16,136 are coming to Springfield- Springfield-Springfield! 46 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,705 So shut up! 47 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,139 And get your ass-ass-ass 48 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:22,042 over-over-over here-here-here! 49 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,377 Proceeds go 50 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,012 to stuttering- stuttering-stuttering. 51 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,581 Wait for it. Wait for it. 52 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:34,288 ANNOUNCER: We've got all the Demolition Derby greats! 53 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,190 Vince "Dead Tooth" McGee! 54 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,226 James "Psychiatric Disorder" Porter. 55 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,460 "Meth" MacFarland. 56 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,495 Mysterious Fandango 57 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:44,131 and a very drunk Billy Joel. 58 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,034 I'm sorry, but most of these names mean nothing to me. 59 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,702 Here it comes! 60 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,971 ANNOUNCER: And making his triumphant return 61 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:54,342 to the Crash Zone after a full skull transplant, 62 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,710 Gene "No Helmet" Dupree! 63 00:02:56,744 --> 00:03:00,348 Eh? My car in a demolition derby! 64 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,883 And we got primo tickets for Saturday night. 65 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,685 Look at 'em fan. 66 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,986 Wait, wait, wait. 67 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,222 This is the point where Lisa always ruins it. 68 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:09,357 No, I'm good with it. 69 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,524 People get out their aggression 70 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,826 and destroy carbon-burning cars. 71 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,161 See? Ruined it. 72 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,696 And then I noticed 73 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:19,166 there wasn't any more cinnamon on top of my rice pudding. 74 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,369 And I said, "Where's the cinnamon?" 75 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,438 And they said, "There never was any cinnamon, Abe." 76 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,240 Fine, Dad, we'll get you some cinnamon! 77 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:28,041 I can't tolerate cinnamon! 78 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,544 So, I started asking everyone in the TV room 79 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,112 if they remembered the cinnamon, 80 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,181 and the answer will surprise you. 81 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,916 The results were incon... 82 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,951 -(inaudible) -When did you get that put in? 83 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,953 Worth every penny. 84 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,723 But how many pennies is that? 85 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,758 Homer Simpson, you can't just... 86 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,227 ("Theme from a Summer Place" by Percy Faith playing) 87 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,538 Hmm. 88 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,206 All right, young'uns. 89 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,875 You know that movie Cars that you likes? 90 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,210 ALL: Uh-huh. 91 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,212 Well, all your favorite characters 92 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,915 is gonna commit suicide here today. 93 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,149 -Huh? -What? 94 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,588 ANNOUNCER (British accent): Ladies and gentlemen, 95 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,591 please silence all cell phones 96 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,994 and holster all truck nuts. 97 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,432 And now, in conformance with the latest paleontological theories 98 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,667 about dinosaurs, please welcome 99 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,903 the all-new Truckasaurus Two. 100 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,239 (audience booing) 101 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,675 (robotic): I love you, Steven Spielberg. 102 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,577 ANNOUNCER: Now, a brief moment in memory 103 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:40,247 of those we lost in the past week. 104 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,683 (audience clapping) 105 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,921 (audience booing) 106 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,324 (audience clapping) 107 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,194 And now... 108 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,296 (Southern accent): let the bash-'em-ups begin! 109 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,932 (engines revving) 110 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,201 If I get hit by a brain, can I keep it? 111 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,270 Be sure to get it signed afterwards. 112 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,472 (gasps) There's our car! 113 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:09,677 Wow. Without Dad's weight in it, it really moves. 114 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,179 (audience cheering) 115 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,118 Oh, my God, this is it. 116 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,721 Only one car stands in our way. 117 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,623 ANNOUNCER: It's down to Homer's Boner 118 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,224 and Car-rak Obama, 119 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:27,327 the Affordable Health Care Mobile, 120 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:30,163 which you can't kill no matter how hard you try. 121 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,733 (audience booing, whistling) 122 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,536 (engine revs) 123 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,739 My whole life has been leading to this one moment. 124 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,008 (engines revving) 125 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,210 Oh! My chest hurts! 126 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:44,378 That's called pride. 127 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,479 (engine revs) 128 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:46,814 My arm is numb! 129 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,915 Numb with pride. 130 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,016 (engine revs) 131 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,652 Son, I need to go to the hospital. 132 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,721 -Huh? -(grunting) 133 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,623 Sure, Dad. 134 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,864 ("Adagio for Strings" by Samuel Barber playing) 135 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,201 -(crashing) -(cheering) 136 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,908 -I missed it. -(explosion) 137 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,010 Can you see the pain you're causing him? 138 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,346 Go on, git! 139 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,683 I'm sorry to say it, uh, doesn't look good. 140 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:27,354 Homer, your father would like to see you, uh, one last time. 141 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,290 I hope you've got a return receipt on that balloon. 142 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,527 -I always do. -(chuckles sadly) 143 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:37,364 (weakly): Homer, there's something I need to tell you. 144 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,368 I'll give you two a moment in this, uh, semiprivate room. 145 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,537 Where is the nurse with my... 146 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:47,941 Son, I did a terrible thing many years ago, 147 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:51,712 and I need you to forgive me before... (coughs) 148 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,214 before it's too late. 149 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,317 -(crying): Anything, Dad. -Mm, mm. 150 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,919 (whispers inaudibly) 151 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,253 Uh-huh. 152 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,722 (whispers inaudibly) 153 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,090 Uh-huh. 154 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,758 (whispers inaudibly) 155 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,660 You already said that part. 156 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,229 Remember, you can't tell anyone. 157 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,430 It's awful! 158 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,600 I swear. Now get to the point. 159 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:16,003 (whispers inaudibly) 160 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,437 You didn't! 161 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,440 Okay. (sighs) 162 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,009 I forgive you. 163 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,579 Your conscience is the one clean thing in this room. 164 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:26,780 (moans weakly) 165 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,685 Well, we tried everything we could... 166 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,153 and the last thing worked. 167 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,489 (gasps) How did you save him? 168 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,290 When a body is in too much pain, 169 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,460 the brain releases a hormone to bring a merciful death. 170 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,664 But an expensive new drug blocks that and keeps him alive. 171 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,533 What a glorious day! 172 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,334 I'm gonna live! 173 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:51,438 And my son has forgiven me for the worst thing I ever did. 174 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,007 Yes. Forgiven. 175 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,776 (grunts) 176 00:07:55,809 --> 00:08:00,013 (gasps) Sir, you just destroyed a box of hospital cotton balls. 177 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,683 -That's $75,000. -D'oh! 178 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,055 (laughs) Now I want to watch my favorite new show, 179 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,858 currently in its 17th season. 180 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,193 (theme song playing) 181 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:34,882 It looks like another murder at Jackson Island Naval Base. 182 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,817 That's what makes America great. 183 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,553 Prompt investigation of in-house naval crimes. 184 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,589 Homie, look who's here. 185 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,990 Yeah, I see. 186 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,058 Oh, Homer, are you a Sunday puzzle? 187 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,728 'Cause you sure seem down and a'cross. 188 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,564 My dad did something to me I can never forgive. 189 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:52,532 No worse than what God did to his son, 190 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,001 and they wrote a book together. 191 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,535 Bye. 192 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,872 He tricked me with his code blue and his flatlining. 193 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,741 And I fell for it like a sap. 194 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,009 What did he do? 195 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,377 I promised him not to say what he told me, 196 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,581 but I will never look at him the same way again. 197 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:10,784 Yeah, but you forgave me, so that means you have to love me. 198 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,452 Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah, nyeah, nyeah. 199 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,087 Marjorie, I'm sorry, 200 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:17,024 but I do not want to be in the same room with this man. 201 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,258 I'm going to Moe's. 202 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,760 Then I'm going to Moe's! 203 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,596 Then I'm staying here! (grumbles) 204 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,231 (grunting) 205 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,933 A gun and a sailor hat. 206 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,201 Nothing screams naval crime more than that. 207 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,271 (theme song playing) 208 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,806 I'm going to Moe's. 209 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,776 I hate seeing a father and a son 210 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,577 sit at opposite ends of the bar. 211 00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,446 'Cause it means I got to walk more. 212 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,149 Now come on, youse guys. Bury the old hatchet. 213 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,784 (both groan) 214 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,252 Hey, life is short. 215 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,154 You could be killed by a drunk driver, 216 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,990 die of cirrhosis, stabbed in a bar fight. 217 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,960 All kinds of random bad things happen to my customers. 218 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,728 All right, look, here's 50 cents, huh? 219 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,930 Play the jukebox and the love tester. 220 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,365 (Homer and Grampa groan) 221 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,934 * Hit the road, Jack 222 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,435 * And don't you come back 223 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,938 * No more, no more, no more, no more * 224 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,907 * Hit the road... 225 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,109 You heard Ray Charles. 226 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,112 Actually, in my jukebox, we can't afford no Ray Charles. 227 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,247 It's a white guy named, uh, Charles Ray. 228 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,583 Excellent vision, excellent vision. 229 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,787 Dad, Grampa, the place we're going is the perfect way 230 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,789 to make you guys friends again. 231 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,857 I went there for Janey's last birthday party. 232 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,659 You think you can solve our problems 233 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,627 at a kids' birthday party place? 234 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:30,597 It's cheaper than therapy, and it comes with cake. 235 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:34,467 If cake solved problems, Homer would have a Nobel Peace Prize. 236 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,303 That's a bullcrap prize. 237 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,838 They gave it to Kissinger. 238 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,442 Welcome to the Escape Zone, 239 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:46,113 the latest attempt to get people to save a dying mall. 240 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,648 Now, would you like to be buried alive? 241 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:49,850 Done it for real. 242 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,952 How about Medieval Dungeon? 243 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,988 Got to be less torture than listening to him. Hey. 244 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,189 Thank you. 245 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,859 Okay, you two are trapped in a dungeon. 246 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:02,329 The only way out is to solve ten puzzles by working together. 247 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,396 Yeah, whatever. 248 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,398 -Super! -(lock clicks) 249 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,167 They're just sitting there. 250 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,469 I bet they'd hurry if they knew we had balloons. 251 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,971 They're moving. 252 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:15,175 Son, if you take this sword and stick it in that magic portal, 253 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,411 I think it might open a bookcase somewhere. 254 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,581 (gasps) Yes, that makes perfect sense. I'll just... 255 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,817 (screaming) 256 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,418 (laughing) 257 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:30,223 Homer? You're not getting out to say good-bye to your dad? 258 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,325 He's probably afraid we'll see how much 259 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,327 the car lifts when he gets out. 260 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,064 No, I'm not. 261 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,699 There's only one way to make you guys understand. 262 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,335 I'll tell you what Grampa told me. 263 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,571 (stammering) That was in confidence. 264 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:48,241 And in this family, we keep our promises. Starting now. 265 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,277 I am telling! 266 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,546 Oh, God. Oh, God. I hate conflict. 267 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,382 (panicked breathing) 268 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,451 -Then just leave your body. -Okay. 269 00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,719 Hey! 270 00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,722 (grunts) 271 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,092 When I was growing up, my dad loved to make 272 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,194 model World War II airplanes. 273 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,595 (imitating airplane) 274 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,263 Watch it, son. You're gonna break the wing. 275 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,732 Oh, now you got glue up your nose. 276 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,668 Oh! Don't eat the decal. How many have you had? 277 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,006 Just leave me be. 278 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,610 Oh! 279 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,413 I work hard all week at the model plane factory, 280 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,448 and this hobby is my one escape. 281 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,151 Can you please watch this little monster? 282 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,786 HOMER: When he gave me to her, 283 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,788 it was the best thing he could've done. 284 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,790 -This is the dough. -Dough. 285 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:41,494 Yes, dough. Now, I need someone very strong to roll this out. 286 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,596 YOUNG HOMER: * Recipes 287 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:48,802 * For the oven in my mind 288 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,941 * 3x5 cards with the recipes 289 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,179 * Of my mother's pies 290 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:03,183 * Apple cobbler 291 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,053 * Peach pie, key lime, and meringue * 292 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:13,493 * Pies made for me by my mother * 293 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:17,697 * While my father would harangue * 294 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,333 * Can it be that 295 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,937 * It was all so tasty then? 296 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,873 * Was her rhubarb 297 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:29,176 * So sublime? 298 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,111 * If we had the chance 299 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,214 * To bake it all again 300 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,916 * Tell me, would we? 301 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,887 * Could we? 302 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,056 Love you. 303 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,892 HOMER: She loved me. 304 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,861 And for each pie she made, she wrote down the recipe 305 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:50,563 and put a special note to me on the back. 306 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,900 We don't know what life will bring, 307 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,136 so on your birthday or any day you need it, 308 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,638 you'll know that your mother loved you 309 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,408 and have reasons to love yourself. 310 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:05,178 You just taught me food is love. 311 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:08,148 I like myself. 312 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,849 HOMER: That lunch box 313 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,784 was the most valuable possession I ever had. 314 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,755 (sobbing) When she left, 315 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,258 those recipes were all I had left of her. 316 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,227 And that's the end. What a sweet story. 317 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,329 And there's some things that shouldn't be gone into 318 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,098 until a man is dead and can't be kicked. 319 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:27,034 After she ran away, my father was furious 320 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,069 and did something terrible. 321 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,906 He threw my recipes off a cliff. 322 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,909 Everything that reminded him of her. 323 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,716 He lied to me. 324 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,287 He told me she took the recipes with her when she left. 325 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,922 Are you sure, Daddy? 326 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,624 Yes. And don't ask me again till I'm on my deathbed. 327 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,863 (stammers) Wait. Why are you looking like that? 328 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,099 If this man had had those notes, 329 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,234 his life would've been different. 330 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,735 He would've had confidence. 331 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,804 He would've had his mother with him! 332 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,606 I would've had hair! 333 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,808 Homie, that's not very realistic. 334 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:11,278 And I would've been more realistic. 335 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,648 MARGE: Grampa, so thoughtless. 336 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,885 -Mean old man. -His slippers don't even have bottoms anymore. 337 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,889 I never thought I'd say this word, but here it comes: coot. 338 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,292 Homer, why are you smiling? 339 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:29,362 We're finally hating together as a family. 340 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,733 What do you say we all go to that home and yell at Grampa? 341 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,835 Oh, that would be lovely. 342 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,405 Now enjoy this sweet song of hate. 343 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:42,509 * If I could save hate in a bottle * 344 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,912 * The first thing that I'd like to do * 345 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,481 * Is to hate every day 346 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:51,451 * Till eternity passes away 347 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:55,755 * Then end with a giant "screw you" * 348 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,659 * But there never seems to be enough time * 349 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,129 * To hate the things you want to hate * 350 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,531 * Once you hate them. 351 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,499 (sobbing) 352 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,001 (Marge moans softly) 353 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:11,471 -Lousy Grampa. -MARGE: So heartless. 354 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,806 Always calls me "buddy" or "fella." 355 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,176 Don't forget he's hard of hearing. 356 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,011 Lousy Grampa! 357 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,779 So heartless! 358 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,149 What you did was crap, Grampa! 359 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,485 -I want to yell at him first. -I want to yell at him first. 360 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,288 Hey, has anyone considered the silent treatment? 361 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,157 The silent treatment doesn't work. 362 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,193 It doesn't work. 363 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,795 It does not work. 364 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,997 (grunts) Okay, fine, it works. 365 00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,567 It works so well. 366 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,570 Please say something. 367 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,472 (grunts) 368 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,507 How long has it been? Three months? 369 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,009 I don't even remember a time before this. 370 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,347 Where's Grampa? 371 00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:58,251 -He hasn't touched his lunch. -Or his lunch meds. 372 00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,687 "My beloved family..." 373 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,689 Oh, boy. 374 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,024 GRAMPA: "I've learned an important lesson, 375 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,594 "never get things off your chest. 376 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,163 "Which reminds me of a gal named Chesty Lazar. 377 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:14,334 "She ran a speakeasy on Hawaii right before Pearl Harbor. 378 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,069 "Pearl Harbor was the name of the lady 379 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,737 who bought the joint..." 380 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,540 Digression... digression... 381 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,243 crazy talk... Ah, here's the end. 382 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,577 GRAMPA: The point is, 383 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:27,414 confessing don't really make you feel better, 384 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:30,283 'cause it don't redo the bad thing you did. 385 00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:33,886 So I'm gonna undo what I done if it's the last thing I do. 386 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,257 Hmm. Mm... 387 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:41,294 Oh, no. He's heading for that cliff to look for those recipes. 388 00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:42,895 I'm gonna find him, save him, 389 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:46,599 and tell him I can't wait till he dies. 390 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,769 Leave me alone! I'm gonna find it! 391 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,772 Don't do it, Dad! Most is forgiven! 392 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,311 Wait, what's your rope tied to? 393 00:17:58,345 --> 00:17:59,946 (both screaming) 394 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:02,282 (groans) 395 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,383 -Hmm? -Hmm? 396 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,084 (both groan) 397 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,319 (gasps) Oh, my God. 398 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,291 ALL: Please be okay. Please be okay. 399 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,126 (grunting) 400 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,961 Oh... 401 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,062 Hmm? 402 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,298 -(grunting) -(laughs) 403 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,000 (grunting) 404 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,003 (sighs, sobs) 405 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,505 GRAMPA: Don't worry, son. 406 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,007 This will give you all the rope you need. 407 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:33,112 Dad, no! I love you! Mom left, but you were there. 408 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,482 Cranky, a little drunk, sometimes not there, 409 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,317 but you were always there. 410 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,952 (sobbing): Oh. You love me. 411 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,854 That's all I need to hear. 412 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,156 (shouts) 413 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:44,357 (grunts) 414 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,627 (screams, laughs) 415 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,430 Good thing I also threw out your mother's bed when she left. 416 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:54,867 I can still smell her perfume. (inhales deeply) 417 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,869 And I've got the recipes back. 418 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,605 (hollow rattling) 419 00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,806 Huh? 420 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:04,110 Oh. They're gone, just like Mom. 421 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,146 -I'm sorry, son. -It's okay, Dad. 422 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,282 Life doesn't always give you neat endings 423 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,150 that tie everything up in a bow. 424 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,687 -Mmm! -Mmm. 425 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,524 This pie is fantastic. 426 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:20,960 It's what I imagine eating great jazz would be like. 427 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,795 Always with the jazz. 428 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:26,399 It tastes exactly like my mom used to make. 429 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,635 Exactly! 430 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,704 Excuse me, how the hell did you get this recipe? 431 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,706 It was a miracle, actually. 432 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:37,076 33 years ago, this place wasn't doing well, 433 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,046 possibly due to our location under a cliff. 434 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,515 I went out to contemplate my fate... 435 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:46,253 when, suddenly, like a gift from God, the recipes came. 436 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,689 (magical music plays) 437 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,861 I'd never seen such recipes, 438 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,929 such brilliant fruit combinations 439 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,266 and such beautiful messages on the back. 440 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,738 (gasps) Those messages were for me. 441 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:09,008 Well, then you should have them. 442 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,579 (gasps) Everything tied up in a bow. 443 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,219 What's it say? 444 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,189 It says, uh... 445 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,125 "Your father is an okay guy." 446 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:29,896 -Aw, thanks for telling me. -Thanks for buying it. 447 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,163 (both laughing) 448 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,436 Mr. Simpson, based on your budget, 449 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,539 I am afraid there's only one car on this lot you can afford. 450 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,541 -(gasps) -You know this car? 451 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,410 Do I! 452 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,379 Aw, I thought that's where you were. 453 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,616 -(screeching) -Geez, what's wrong with her? 454 00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:31,524 Shh! 455 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,995 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH