1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,005 (shouts) 2 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,342 (printers whirring) 3 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,881 -Mmm. Jam. -(printer beeping) 4 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,389 (Homer yawns) 5 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,491 (laughs) 6 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,093 (footstep splashes) 7 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,860 Okay, okay. 8 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,197 The only explanation is I'm still asleep, 9 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,399 dreaming that the house is flooded. 10 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:34,168 What does it mean? What does it mean? 11 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,170 It probably means you're under a lot of stress 12 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:39,006 because this is not a dream and the house is flooded. 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,609 -D'oh! -Cowabunga! 14 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,777 (Marge humming) 15 00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,045 (gasps) 16 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,847 MARGE: Oh, my God. This is horrible! 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,716 Although, I do like the sofa better 18 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,218 where the water's carrying it. 19 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,725 How did this happen? 20 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,195 Homie, I don't like where the painting is. 21 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,696 Maybe you're upset about something else. 22 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,731 Are you hungry? 23 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,233 Why don't you make some pork chops? 24 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,400 Fine. 25 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:09,303 Now can you hang the painting? 26 00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,439 Always with the painting. 27 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,943 MARGE: Perfect. Wait, no, no, it's not. 28 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,546 Try again. 29 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,449 Mm. No, split the difference. 30 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,885 See? 31 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,756 When you listen to me, we make a great team. 32 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,759 It's almost like I can hear the ocean. 33 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,894 I guess we're both at fault. 34 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,729 In a way, that's refreshing. 35 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,831 Do you want me to apologize anyway? 36 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,934 -I'd be happy to. -Aw, no, thanks, sweetie. 37 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,837 HOMER: Hmm. Well, either way, I'm sorry. 38 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,407 Okay, now, when we try to sell the house, 39 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,576 no one mention the water. 40 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,578 Just tell me you paid the insurance. 41 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,446 You mean that bill that's floating right there? 42 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,349 (laughs) It's not due till tomorrow, so relax. 43 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:58,586 My origami project. 44 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:02,022 Don't worry, sweetie. We'll have a funeral for it. 45 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,024 GIL: All right. 46 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,861 I-I'll just pull up your policy. Alt-Control-F-- Aw, damn it! 47 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,097 Kate! Kate, can you get in here? 48 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,467 It's a different generation that knows how to work these things. 49 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,606 -Enjoy. -Eh, the kids, huh? 50 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,275 They just know how to do it. Now let's see here. 51 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:22,943 (murmurs quietly) 52 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,012 You're in luck! The policy I sold you 53 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,381 covers the full replacement value of your house. 54 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:28,616 (Homer whoops) 55 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,819 We also pay for six months temporary housing. 56 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,655 Now the bad news: your policy is the only one I've sold. 57 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,224 It just cost the company a bundle, 58 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,991 and I'm gonna lose my job. 59 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,960 Gee, sorry, ol' Gil. 60 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,130 That's okay, I got options: unemployment, suicide. 61 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,466 When one door closes, a coffin opens. 62 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,302 Eh, what am I saying? I don't make coffin money. 63 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,638 But now I got something to work towards! 64 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,139 That's right. 65 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,108 Kate, can you tell me how to charge a cell phone? 66 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,980 Whoa, whoa, whoa, so wall holes make things charge? 67 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,715 (laughs) What's next? 68 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,355 There are some nice Airbnb options on the Westside. 69 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:10,090 Ooh. Huh? Huh? 70 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,659 Mm, I'd feel kind of weird 71 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:15,663 sleeping in the bedroom of someone I know. 72 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,998 Everything okay with the room? 73 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,833 (shouts) You're not supposed to be back 74 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,669 from your vacation for three weeks. 75 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,371 It's not a vacation. 76 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,506 My dad is doing seasonal fruit picking. 77 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,174 Come on, Milhouse. 78 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,511 I need you on my shoulders to reach the high apples. 79 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,513 And I don't want to be in a room 80 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,949 where guys walked around with their dinguses out. 81 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,686 No! No, don't imagine that! 82 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:43,691 So, son, uh, word on the street is you've come into some money. 83 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,225 Yeah? 84 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:48,462 I was wondering, you know, uh-- just hear me out-- 85 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,064 I've always considered you a friend, and... 86 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,066 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. 87 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,736 This is the most precious kind of money there is: 88 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,738 unearned, and it's mine. 89 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,907 And you're not getting at it just because you need 90 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,310 a bigger TV or a room with a window or... 91 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,811 An operation. 92 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,547 You need an operation? What's the matter? 93 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,316 If it's all the same, it's embarrassing, 94 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,384 and I'd rather not discuss it publicly. 95 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,885 Really? What could it be? 96 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,822 Look, it's important to me and pricey. 97 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,624 What could it be? 98 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,329 "Pane in the ass"? 99 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,096 (buzzing) 100 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,565 (imitates buzzer) Hands off! 101 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,233 I need professional help! 102 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,769 Not to worry. This is the United States. 103 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,171 We have the third best health care system 104 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,573 in North America. 105 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,174 Hi, Medicare! 106 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,410 I mean, hi, every-money. 107 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,679 Can I speak with the doctor alone? 108 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,081 Of course. 109 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,250 Oh, wait, I'm the doctor. 110 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,420 That's why I wear the heart listening tube. 111 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,456 Ba-boom, ba-boom. 112 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,458 That never gets old. 113 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,461 What's taking Grampa so long in there? 114 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,364 It's crazy that medical costs are so high here. 115 00:04:56,397 --> 00:05:00,768 In Denmark-- to pick a country at random-- health care is free. 116 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,438 Free? Honey, nothing is free but Splendas. 117 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:07,508 In Denmark, they make everyone pay high taxes. 118 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,042 Even rich people. 119 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,379 Yes, and they get free health care. 120 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,447 It's called socialism. 121 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:17,217 Socialism? But all my radio loudmouths tell me to hate that. 122 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,387 That doc can't do nothing for me. 123 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,990 You know, if Grampa was in Denmark and he had an accident, 124 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,826 he'd get medical care for free! 125 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,828 I can't go to Denmark by myself. 126 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,297 I get lost in the middle of a sentence, 127 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:34,301 and that was the best pie I ever had. 128 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,804 Wait a minute. What if we used our insurance money 129 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,172 to take a family trip to Denmark? 130 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,841 Why would we want to go to Denmark? 131 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:44,011 It is the happiest country on Earth, in poll after poll. 132 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,648 I got your poll right here. 133 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,982 Hey, you're right. 134 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,184 Homer, you've got the vacation coming. 135 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,320 We've got the money. It's settled. 136 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,090 We're going to Denmark, and Grampa will get fixed. 137 00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,528 Well, Homer, looks like Marge is the boss in your house. 138 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,362 Well, I say we don't go! 139 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,231 But we need to go. I'm desperate! 140 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,699 Fine, we'll go. 141 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:08,802 (laughs) That woman's got you right under her thumb. 142 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,111 DANISH MAN: None of these were chosen 143 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,448 as the name of our airline. Danish Air. 144 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:25,018 Excuse me, sir, the "no smoking" sign has been illuminated. 145 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,621 (electronic chiming) 146 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,723 Sorry. 147 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,526 The flight attendants are so sweet. 148 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,295 We will be landing in Copenhagen shortly. 149 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,798 If you have been designing and building furniture 150 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:41,669 during the flight, please apply your final coat of varnish now. 151 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,873 Hey, I got things done, too. 152 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,875 GRAMPA: What the...?! 153 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,444 SOREN: Denmark, the jewel of the Baltic. 154 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:53,046 First-class schools, sleek furniture design, 155 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,414 energy independence, 156 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:58,552 and brooding TV dramas about teenagers getting killed. 157 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,154 Thank you so much for renting my apartment. 158 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,956 It's so efficient. 159 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,730 Please allow me to give you a tour of Copenhagen. 160 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,233 Wonderful. But first, a nap. 161 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,504 No, Homer. You slept on the plane. 162 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,306 You slept through customs. You slept on the bus. 163 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,241 How can you sleep now? 164 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,011 Don't you hear Copenhagen calling? 165 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,046 Take a message. 166 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,485 * 167 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,125 The people here are so openly affectionate. 168 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,693 Why don't we all hold hands? 169 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,862 Are we supposed to interlock fingers or not? 170 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,330 Cramp! Cramp! 171 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,865 Dad's hands are covered with jam. 172 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,300 -I can't get it off! -Grampa's hands are too rough. 173 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,603 -Lisa's hands are too soft. -Just keep holding. 174 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,539 Oh, don't worry, the government will pay you 175 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,106 to learn this social skill. 176 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,375 Uh, Homer, you are holding your own hand. 177 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:59,212 They're fighting over a Danish. 178 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,549 SOREN: Created in 1913, The Little Mermaid 179 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,951 is a world-famous icon of Denmark. 180 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,186 No, The Little Mermaid was created by Disney, 181 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,889 right before he created Spider-Man and Star Wars. 182 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,624 This is the real little mermaid. 183 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,560 And she was a very tragic figure. 184 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,628 -What about her buddy, the crab? -There was no crab! 185 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,396 He was the only funny thing in it. 186 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,565 Got that right. 187 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,399 Oh, my God, it's wonderful. 188 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,802 More people biking than driving cars. 189 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,336 Yes, it's rush hour, 190 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,973 so people are taking the bicycle superhighways home. 191 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,675 Uh, how crowded are your bicycle superhighways? 192 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,176 (chuckles): Well... 193 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,678 We don't have any. 194 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,880 But how many people ride bikes in your town? 195 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,582 The paperboy, till Dad hit him. 196 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,817 Sadly, the one headline he couldn't deliver. 197 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,186 Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop the car! 198 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,823 (Homer and Bart laugh) 199 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,992 What? It's Danish for "speed check." 200 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,527 -Fart kontrol. -(Homer and Bart laughing) 201 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,262 (blows raspberries) 202 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,764 (giggles) 203 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,600 I apologize for my husband. 204 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,835 In our language, that sign means something else. 205 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,336 Yes, I know. 206 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,105 I'm speaking to you in your language. 207 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,712 "Non-Danes do not qualify for the free health care. 208 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,214 "But if you injure yourself in Denmark, 209 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:10,618 a Danish hospital will treat you for free." 210 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:14,354 (chuckles) I can't believe the government puts this out. 211 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,789 For free! 212 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,557 (Homer and Grampa laugh) 213 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,860 Excuse me, you dropped this. 214 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:23,363 Lisa, this is Prince Christian, second in line to the throne. 215 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,366 * 216 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,401 I play the tenor sax. 217 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,470 Oh, no, here it comes. 218 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,906 The fantasy about becoming a princess 219 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,042 that no girl can resist. 220 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,077 * 221 00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,128 (trumpets playing fanfare) 222 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,831 (dramatic soundtrack music playing) 223 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,004 Bart, get out of my fantasy! 224 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:07,040 Ah, geez, I saved your life. How about a "you're welcome"? 225 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,944 Can you imagine how exciting it would be 226 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,512 to live in this city? 227 00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:14,948 Ooh, Mom, we could try it for a semester. 228 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:18,285 Do you know how long I've wanted to live in a Celsius country? 229 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,120 There's boobs on the billboards! 230 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:23,423 And we're here in the world's most perfect amusement park. 231 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,126 (fireworks whistling, popping) 232 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,427 (both gasp) 233 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,462 (choir singing in Danish) 234 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,602 Their national anthem is so beautiful, 235 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,271 and they don't get to war until the second verse. 236 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,942 And it's in a range you can actually sing. 237 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:47,380 * There is a lovely land * 238 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:52,619 * With spreading shady beech-trees * 239 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,656 * Near salty eastern shore * 240 00:10:56,690 --> 00:11:03,396 * Near salty eastern shore. * 241 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:09,669 Bart and Lisa are getting along! This country is calling to us. 242 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,472 Homer, can you take the daring step 243 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,674 of doing nothing and staying here? 244 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,844 There are big reasons why we can't live here. 245 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,412 I'm okay with nuclear power, but wind power? 246 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:23,183 -Frankly, it sounds dangerous. -Excuse me, white trash. 247 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,685 Is this the kind of country you want to live in? 248 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,922 No, sir. I meant we separate our trash by colors. 249 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:34,527 * This country is still lovely * 250 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:38,365 * Because blue is the lake wind... * 251 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:41,835 I can't believe you're talking about leaving Springfield. 252 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,037 That's where all my friends are. 253 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,610 Look, everyone, we came here to rip this country off, 254 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,713 and that's what we're gonna do and then go home. 255 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:57,017 Fine. Let's find a place that has good smorrebrod, 256 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:01,354 or maybe some morbradbof or flaeskesteg. 257 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,023 Women do love this country. 258 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,792 Homer, do you think I'm handsome? 259 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,194 Well, yes. I was gonna mention it. 260 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,363 -I am a Danish four. -I'm an American nine. 261 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,033 ("America the Beautiful" playing) 262 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,568 How could my family want to stay here? 263 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:19,472 In America, we have great TV channels, like BBC America, 264 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:23,210 and a factory for cheesecakes-- a factory! 265 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,146 Your enthusiasm makes me want to follow you there. 266 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,948 Foreigners are no longer welcome. 267 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,551 All right, Dad, no more fooling around. 268 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,554 Time to get you in the hospital, so we can go home. 269 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,589 * 270 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,112 * 271 00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:18,866 Hello. How was your day? 272 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,134 Eh. This country sure is safe. 273 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,536 Well, last week, an older tourist 274 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,605 had a bad fall at Kronborg Castle. 275 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,442 Of course, Kronborg Castle. Why didn't I think of it? 276 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,778 Probably because I never heard of it. 277 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,813 TOUR GUIDE: Dating back to the 15th century, 278 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,549 Kronborg was immortalized as Elsinore 279 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,151 in Shakespeare's Hamlet. 280 00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:39,719 Isn't it beautiful? 281 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,489 Yeah, the castle's okay, but the keep is, like, meh. 282 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,791 And I'll tell you something else great about here. 283 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,460 You've been walking so much, you've lost weight. 284 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,163 (gasps) I'm down to my pre-pregnancy weight! 285 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,133 Homer, in this most beautiful spot on Earth, 286 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:57,804 I have to admit to you, I really don't want to go home. 287 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,907 -I don't either. -Let's stay. 288 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,309 Think about how happy we'd be here. 289 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:06,846 It's healthy, it's clean, it's incredibly civilized, 290 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,682 and everything is done in moderation. 291 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,818 You're not describing a country. 292 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,687 You're describing everything that's the opposite of me. 293 00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:16,689 Everyone here speaks perfect English. 294 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,658 Probably gonna be around in five years. 295 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,694 It's just a nice place and we like it. 296 00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:25,232 All I ask is that you think about it. 297 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,371 Maybe she's right. Maybe we should move here. 298 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,443 Tubby or not tubby, that is the question. 299 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,178 Whether 'tis nobler in the mind 300 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,348 to gobble the wings and nachos of outrageous portions, 301 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,383 or just eat fish and end them. 302 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:47,554 Ay, there's the rub-- brisket rub, Memphis rub. 303 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:52,025 Oh, the rubs I'll miss when I have shuffled off from Buffalo. 304 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,860 Mozzarella-- No. 305 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,696 I'm an American, and we've got to get back to America, 306 00:14:56,729 --> 00:15:00,567 the greatest country on Earth, 1917 to 2016. 307 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,539 This is the famous Holger Danish, our sleeping king. 308 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,041 All right, Dad, here we go. 309 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,910 There's nothing more American than a slip and fall. 310 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,880 -(grunts) -Whoa! 311 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,382 Hold on, son. 312 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,318 Before you push me down these stairs, I have a confession. 313 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,988 The procedure I need isn't a surgery. 314 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,923 I just need to remove an old tattoo. 315 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,893 You made us come here because of a stupid tattoo? 316 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,696 It's not just any tattoo. 317 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,433 (gasps) Mom? 318 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:38,071 No! Mona Malloy, who used to iron my shirts. 319 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,107 Of course it's your mother. 320 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,778 I can't go to my grave with this hanging over my heart. 321 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,414 Why is it guys like us 322 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,916 are always disappointing the women we love? 323 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,286 I would ask Mona, but she's spending eternity hating me, 324 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,921 from her pit in hell. 325 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,623 I miss her, too. 326 00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,526 Her greatest skill was making people miss her. 327 00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,428 (sobbing) 328 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,031 -Hello. -She's talking to you. 329 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,766 Mm, I'll talk to someone my age. 330 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,268 (chuckles) 331 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,104 Excuse me. I felt compelled to meet you. 332 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:14,141 I've never met a man with empathy so deep 333 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,808 he weeps in public. 334 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,944 Oh, yeah, I cry, I blubber. 335 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,979 Sometimes stuff comes out of my nose. 336 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,981 Well... (sighs) 337 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,784 Danish men never reveal such emotion. 338 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,154 They're like cold, flawless gods. 339 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,489 Look, lady, I'm a married man. 340 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,125 -I'm a married man. -Shh. 341 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,793 (muffled): I'm a married man. 342 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,564 Here, marriage is not such a sacred institution. 343 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,133 Danes are very free sexually. 344 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:44,337 Perhaps it's because we are more sensitive to each other's needs, 345 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,806 or just because we're all so freaking hot. 346 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,977 Now let us dance our traditional dance of passion. 347 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,379 Okay. 348 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,414 -(lively Danish music playing) -(excited shouting) 349 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:07,827 Do you know the Danes eat more ice cream than any other people? 350 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,862 Yet their rate of heart disease is-- 351 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:12,099 Oh, it's their number one cause of death. 352 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,800 Well, look where we got it. 353 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,437 Well, that never stopped your father. 354 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,540 I'll just text a picture of you right now, eating the ice-- 355 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,874 Oh, my God. 356 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,077 (gasps) Marge. 357 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,380 Where are you going? 358 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,782 Where will I ever find another man like you? 359 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,852 Hi, we're the Kiwanis Club of Cheeseburg, Ohio. 360 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,389 (sighs): Oh... hio. 361 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,058 I must confess to you now, 362 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,729 every couple that has Airbnb'd my apartment has broken up. 363 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,132 Then how did it get so many good reviews? 364 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,866 They like the big apartment cat. 365 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,802 Oh, I do like it. Ooh, let me scratch your chin! 366 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,204 (purring) 367 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,206 He's so chubby, I just can't take it! 368 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,074 Marge, honey, I'm so sorry. 369 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,577 We shared a dance and a fish, but that's it. 370 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,580 -I understand. It's fine. -So you're coming home? 371 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,316 No, I'm not. I want to stay. 372 00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:07,053 I don't know for how long, but I feel so alive and free. 373 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,721 I've stopped wearing a bra. 374 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,324 (gasps) That means they're just one fabric away 375 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,260 from the cool Scandinavian air. 376 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,895 Sorry, Homie. We're not leaving. 377 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,765 Well, the kids can't just replace me. 378 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:22,068 He's so cozy. He can sleep with Mom. 379 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,103 Can I get you a beer? 380 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,173 (purring) 381 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,275 (Homer groans) 382 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,112 -Dad, wait. -(gasps) 383 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,283 Mom says you can take these home with you. It's a bag of bras. 384 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:40,052 And I just learned how to unhook these. 385 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,590 Oh, my God. What am I doing? 386 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,592 I should be having the time of my life 387 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,928 in this airport security line, but it's nothing without Marge. 388 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,963 Son, I got to tell you something. 389 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,266 -You're making a huge mistake. -I know. 390 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,435 I let stubbornness ruin my marriage, 391 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,605 and all I have to show for it is an old tattoo. 392 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,708 -Go back to your woman. -You mean the one in the bar? 393 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,976 First the one in the bar, then Marge. 394 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,612 No! Just Marge. 395 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,380 * 396 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,055 -Marge! -(gasps) You missed the flight. 397 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,791 Marge, baby, wherever you are is home. 398 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,393 I'm staying in Copenhagen. 399 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,061 I'm glad you came back, 400 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,465 but I was kind of rethinking living here. 401 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,133 Why? 402 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,068 The toilet's in the shower. 403 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,670 The washing machine won't even hold 404 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,339 one pair of your underpants. 405 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:38,177 And you see how dark it is? 406 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,280 It's 11:00 in the morning. 407 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,083 (yawns) 408 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,019 Well, that was a nice day. 409 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,422 I think I'm ready to go home. 410 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:50,857 You got it, baby. 411 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,825 We'll ditch this paradise and never come back. 412 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,160 What about the kids? 413 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,563 I heard the schools are really great here. I'm out. 414 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:59,399 I want to stay, but no one ever listens to me. 415 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,033 So we're all united. 416 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,669 -Yay! -All right! -Whoo! 417 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,038 But I can't help thinking I'm forgetting something. 418 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,943 Sir, those birds were already fed by the state. 419 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,046 You are overfeeding them, which will kill them. 420 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,415 (Grampa grunts) 421 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,457 When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. 422 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:27,193 OTHERS: Aw. 423 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,028 So how much do we owe you? 424 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,031 Nothing. In Denmark, we have socialized tattooing. 425 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,602 And with that, our country is out of money. Good-bye. 426 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,676 (panting) 427 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,623 Shh! 428 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,995 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH