1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,006 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,590 (chalk screeching) 3 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:11,052 (bell rings) 4 00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,180 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,936 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,407 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:33,408 (tires screech) 8 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,078 D'oh! 9 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,372 -Aah! -(tires screech) 10 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,166 (squeals) 11 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,889 {\an8}HOMER: Here's good news. 12 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,724 {\an8}According to this eye-catching article, 13 00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,185 {\an8}S.A.T. scores are declining at a slower rate. 14 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:03,104 {\an8}Dad, I think this paper is a flimsy hodge-podge 15 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,482 {\an8}of pie graphs, factoids and Larry King. 16 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,942 {\an8}Hey, this is the only paper in America 17 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,986 {\an8}that's not afraid to tell the truth-- 18 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,780 {\an8}that everything is just fine. 19 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,907 {\an8}"To me bestest bud Milhouse. 20 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,825 {\an8}Happy birthday, Bart." 21 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,368 {\an8}Bart, that's so sweet. 22 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,621 {\an8}May I see the card? 23 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:23,333 {\an8}"Hey there, 10 year-old, I couldn't afford to get you a new drum..." 24 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,963 -Eww. -BART: Come on. 25 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:32,383 -Open it! Open it! Open it! -Uh, maybe a little later, Bart. 26 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,968 Aw, Milhouse, just 'cause your mom didn't let you have a party 27 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:35,762 doesn't mean you can't get a present. 28 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,181 We had a lovely time on Saturday, Milhouse. 29 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:42,060 -I liked the balloons. -I liked the party hats. 30 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:43,269 What are you girls talking about? 31 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,980 Nothing. (giggling) 32 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,024 Twins. Open your present. 33 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:53,154 They're official Krusty the Klown walkie-talkies! 34 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,198 I'll keep one and you keep one. 35 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,324 Now, whenever you want to talk to me, 36 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:57,826 just call me on the phone 37 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,911 and tell me to turn on my walkie-talkie. 38 00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:03,248 Milhouse, I'd like to express my appreciation for Saturday-- 39 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:06,584 jelly bean baskets, personalized noisemakers-- 40 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:10,463 but the little touches are what made it enduring. 41 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,006 What's he talking about? 42 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,800 Hey, look at that dog. 43 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,135 Isn't that something? 44 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,263 -(tires screech) -Wow! Brown. 45 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,141 OTTO: Whoa! Springfield Elementary, last stop. 46 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,309 Oh, and by the way, I'd like to say thanks 47 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,854 and applause, applause to birthday boy Milhouse 48 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,773 for his totally bitchin' party on Saturday! 49 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,025 (cheering) 50 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:34,320 Oh, and Milhouse, I think I left my pants on your roof. 51 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,989 You did have a party. 52 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,407 You didn't invite me. 53 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,409 I thought we were best friends. 54 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:40,577 Sorry, Bart. 55 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,664 Bye, little dudes. 56 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:45,957 Don't learn anything I wouldn't learn. 57 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,712 Ah, Monday morning. 58 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,922 Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, 59 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,215 you hung-over drones. 60 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:57,051 -T.G.I.M., sir. -Yes. 61 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,845 So, what did you do this weekend, Smithers? 62 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,722 Well, I caught up on my laundry, 63 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:01,723 wrote a letter to my mother. 64 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,141 Oh, here's the kicker. 65 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,142 I took Hercules out to be clipped. 66 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,894 Who the devil is Hercules? 67 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,604 He's my Yorkshire terrier, sir. 68 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,105 He's kind of tiny, so... 69 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,523 you know, it's a joke. 70 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,774 Here's a picture of Hurky. 71 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,444 Whew. Well, Smithers, 72 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,404 don't you know how to paint the town red. 73 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:18,198 May I ask how you spent your weekend? 74 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,283 A bit overly familiar, but I'll allow it. 75 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,701 I took in a movie. 76 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,369 An appalling little piece of filth. 77 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,122 Its "leading lady" was a blonde harlot 78 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,374 who spent half the film strolling around naked as a jaybird. 79 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,293 -(gasps) -No, just give the great unwashed 80 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,795 a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, 81 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,631 and they'll oink for more every time. 82 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,424 What a movie! 83 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:38,676 And that blonde cutie-- does she have assets! 84 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,637 -(oinking) -Heh-heh-heh! 85 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,389 -Sounds like my kind of flick. -And how! 86 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,016 (all oinking) 87 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,894 (laughing) 88 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,979 Eww! Lemon. 89 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,439 Ugh! Cherry. 90 00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,941 Ooh, custard. 91 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:55,151 Mmm, purple! 92 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,407 (grunting and smacking) 93 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:05,286 ♪♪ (humming Edgar Winter's "Frankenstein") 94 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,750 Otto, welcome. 95 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,210 Apu, hey. 96 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,837 Got a bad case of the munchies, man. 97 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,714 -Time for a heat lamp dog. -Oh, Otto. 98 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,467 Otto, did you know there's a small child inside your bus? 99 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,512 Whoa, good thing you warned me. I was on my way to Mexico. 100 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,765 (snoring) 101 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,896 Call me old-fashioned, but movies were sexier 102 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,023 when the actors kept their clothes on. 103 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,526 Vilma Banky could do more for me with one raised eyebrow 104 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,194 than an entire-- 105 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,363 ALARM VOICE: Warning. Problem in Sector 7-G. 106 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:43,032 7-G? Good God! Who's the safety inspector there? 107 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,953 -Uh, Homer Simpson, sir. -Simpson, eh? 108 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,788 Good man? Intelligent? 109 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:51,582 Actually, sir, he was hired under "Project Bootstrap." 110 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,711 Thank you, President Ford. 111 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:55,837 (snoring) 112 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,338 (alarm beeping) 113 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,381 Huh? 114 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,009 Noise. Bad noise. 115 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,844 FEMALE VOICE: Five minutes before critical mass. 116 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:06,306 Critical wha-- Okay, okay. Don't panic. 117 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,516 Whosever problem this is, I'm sure they know how to handle it. 118 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:11,561 -(popping) -Huh? 119 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:15,064 (screaming) It's my problem! We're doomed! 120 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,234 Sector 7-G is now being isolated. 121 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,195 My best friend shafted me. 122 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,197 I'll never get over this, Otto-man. 123 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,907 Sure, you will. 124 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,118 Once, my old lady ran off and married my brother. 125 00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:32,040 Well, it hurt, but here it is a month later, and I'm sleeping on their couch. 126 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:35,418 Marguerita, I want you. 127 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,963 Mr. Devereaux, I can't work under these conditions. 128 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,882 Have it your way, baby. 129 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,467 You're fired. 130 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,969 (moaning) 131 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,722 -Oh, Avery. -Call me Mr. Devereaux. 132 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,850 ANNOUNCER: We interrupt Search for the Sun for this special news bulletin. 133 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,480 Forget the hair. Just give me the blush. 134 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,398 Oh, we're on. 135 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,192 This station has just learned 136 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,902 that a serious crisis is in progress 137 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,820 at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. 138 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,947 -Oh, my Lord! -On the line with us now 139 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,449 is plant owner C. Montgomery Burns. 140 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,618 -Mr. Burns? -Oh, hello, Kent. 141 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,371 {\an8}Right now, skilled nuclear energy technicians 142 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,415 {\an8}are calmly correcting a minor, piffling malfunction-- 143 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,708 (screaming) 144 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,922 ...but I can assure you and the public 145 00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,341 that there's absolutely no danger whatsoever. 146 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:25,676 Things couldn't be more shipshape. 147 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,013 -Sir, where's my radiation suit? -How the hell should I know? 148 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,891 BROCKMAN: Mr. Burns, people are calling this a meltdown. 149 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:35,186 BURNS: Oh, meltdown. That's one of those annoying buzz words. 150 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:38,022 We prefer to call it an "unrequested fission surplus." 151 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:41,067 Homie, please, be all right. 152 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,610 Got to think! Got to think! 153 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,112 Okay, somewhere there's a thingy 154 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,696 that tells you how to work this stuff. 155 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,323 The, um, the, uh, the manual! 156 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,699 The manual, right. 157 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:49,826 Aha! 158 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:50,952 (screaming) 159 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:53,246 It's as fat as a phone book! 160 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,957 "Congratulations on your purchase 161 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,502 of a Fissionator 1952 slow fission reactor." 162 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,838 D'oh! Get to the point, man. 163 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,381 Ooh, what's this? 164 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,967 D'oh! Who'd have thought a nuclear reactor 165 00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,552 would be so complicated? 166 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,303 Ninety seconds to core meltdown. 167 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,721 Sir, there may never be 168 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,723 another time to say... I love you, sir. 169 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,851 Oh, hot dog. 170 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,562 Thank you for making my last few moments on earth socially awkward. 171 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:20,398 Looks like this is the end. 172 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:23,693 That's all right. I couldn't have led a richer life. 173 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,237 After the meltdown, we can expect roving bands-- 174 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,864 I don't like this program. 175 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,198 Change the channel. 176 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,867 ...traffic for hours. 177 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,953 AUDIENCE: Wheel of Fortune! 178 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,164 I don't understand anything. 179 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,541 When they look up "stupid" In a dictionary 180 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,835 there will be a picture of me. 181 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,803 Dear Lord, if you spare this town 182 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,139 from becoming a smoking hole in the ground, 183 00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,308 I'll try to be a better Christian. 184 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,811 I don't know what I can do. 185 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:02,190 Um... Oh, the next time there's a canned food drive 186 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,942 I'll give the poor something they'd actually like 187 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,945 instead of old lima beans and pumpkin mix. 188 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,198 -One minute to core meltdown. -Shut up! 189 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,325 Simpson, it's all up to you. 190 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,160 It's show time! 191 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,039 Okay, okay, think back to your training. 192 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,625 INSTRUCTOR: Homer, this may very well save 193 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,126 your life one day-- This-- Homer? 194 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,836 -Yeah? -Please pay attention. 195 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,297 This button here controls the emergency override circuit. 196 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:29,509 In the event of a meltdown, push this button, and only this button. 197 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,676 Ooh, a side. 198 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,053 -Simpson! -What? 199 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,763 You see which button I'm pushing? 200 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,223 Yeah, push the button. Got it. 201 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:38,893 -(alarm blaring) -This is all your fault! 202 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,812 Got to pick a button, pick a button, pick a button. 203 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,649 One potato, two potato three potato four-- No, wait. 204 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:45,983 Bubble gum, bubble gum, in a dish. 205 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,152 How many pieces do you wish? No! No! 206 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,862 30 seconds to core meltdown. 207 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,822 Oh Smithers, I guess there's nothing left to do 208 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,991 but to kiss my sorry ass good-bye. 209 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,619 -May I, sir? -Ughh. 210 00:08:56,702 --> 00:09:00,081 These unfortunate people here, will be instantly killed. 211 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:04,085 This circle, which I am sad to say we are in, will experience 212 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:06,212 a slower, considerably more painful death. 213 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,129 Good Lord! 214 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,423 They called me old-fashioned for teaching 215 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,133 the "duck and cover" method, 216 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,635 but who's laughing now? 217 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,679 Fifteen seconds to core meltdown. 218 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,305 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. 219 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,224 Catch a tiger by the toe. 220 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,518 If he hollers, let him go. 221 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,812 Eeny, meeny, miny... 222 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,105 moe. 223 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,106 (button clicks) 224 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,194 (alarm blaring) 225 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,530 All systems returning to normal. 226 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:35,616 Danger in 7-G neutralized. Have a nice day. 227 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,243 Whew. 228 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,167 (cheering) 229 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:52,091 -Will I ever see you again? -Sure, baby. 230 00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,593 Next meltdown. Heh. 231 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,177 (squeaking) 232 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,225 TV CONTESTANT: I'd like to solve the puzzle. 233 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,477 "Three loins in the fountain." 234 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,147 -(buzzer) -(all laughing) 235 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,357 BURNS: Yes, we've isolated the problem. 236 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,318 Wouldn't you know-- false alarm. 237 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,570 It seems a single wayward crow 238 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,905 -flew into our warning system. -Very good. 239 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,616 Well sir, your point about nuclear hysteria 240 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,242 is well-taken. 241 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,910 This reporter promises to be more trusting, 242 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,329 and less vigilant in the future. 243 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,496 Excellent. 244 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,956 Well, ta. 245 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,752 Smithers, I can still sell them snake oil. 246 00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,587 Now, bring me a wine spritzer, 247 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,339 and don't be stingy with the vino. 248 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,882 Yes, sir. 249 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,967 So, Smithers 250 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,261 it seems you've underestimated one Homer Simpson, 251 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:42,058 -our next employee of the month. -(glass crashing) 252 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,226 (Bart chuckles) 253 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,687 -Milhouse, a little salt? -Sure. 254 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,356 Ohh! 255 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,399 Ha-ha-ha. Now we're even for your party. 256 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,942 Come on, let's go play. 257 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:56,113 Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore. 258 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,782 That's why you couldn't come to the party. 259 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,367 What's she got against me? 260 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,494 She says you're a bad influence. 261 00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,412 Bad influence, my butt! 262 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,623 How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother. 263 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,167 But Bart, she threatened to cut off my allowance. 264 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,835 Whatever she's paying you, I'll double it. 265 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:14,215 -I'm really sorry, Bart. -(groaning) 266 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,717 Sir, about employee of the month. If you'll recall, 267 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,053 I'm the one who put a five-percent ceiling 268 00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,805 on the Keogh Plan, which saved this company-- 269 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,765 Smithers, you bean counter, give it up. 270 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,225 Simpson's my man. 271 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:25,518 (slurps loudly) 272 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,353 Hey, way to save our lives. 273 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,729 Yeah, we owe you one. 274 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,231 Well, you know, boys, 275 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:33,067 a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman-- 276 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:36,821 you just have to read the manual and press the right button. 277 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,823 (slurps loudly) 278 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:42,076 Simpson? Monty Burns. Come with me. 279 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,578 (all chanting) Homer! Homer! Homer! 280 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,164 Now, now, that will do. 281 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,626 (grunting) Homer, for your bravery and skill 282 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,002 we award you 283 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,755 this ham, this plaque, 284 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,299 this discount coupon book, 285 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,802 and my own personal thumbs-up. 286 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,179 (grunting) 287 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,347 Ahh! 288 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,432 Hah! 289 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,600 And to ensure your immortality, 290 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,853 your heroic visage will be added 291 00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,813 to our wall of fame. 292 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,690 Oh, and what's this? 293 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:16,777 A congratulatory phone call from Earvin "Magic" Johnson? 294 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,154 (gasps) 295 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,280 Magic Johnson? 296 00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,573 Yello. 297 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,158 Is this really Homer Simpson? 298 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,492 Yeah. 299 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,870 Wow. Homer, I just used our last time out 300 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,830 to call and congratulate you 301 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,582 on averting that nuclear holocaust. 302 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,041 Well, thank you. 303 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,543 Magic, if you play on that ankle, 304 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:33,919 you'll be in incredible pain. 305 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,755 I don't care. 306 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,007 Magic, what if people think a guy's a hero, 307 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,800 but he was really just lucky? 308 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,719 Don't worry. Sooner or later, 309 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,054 people like that are exposed as the frauds they are. 310 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,640 -Thanks, Magic. -(receiver clatters) 311 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:47,975 ♪ Fight-fight-fight ♪ 312 00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:50,519 ♪ The Itchy & Scratchy show ♪ 313 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,900 Oh! 314 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,694 (slurping) 315 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,654 (screams) 316 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,740 Aah! 317 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:05,326 Hee-hee-hee-hee! 318 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,328 (screaming) 319 00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,288 -(screaming) -(bell dinging) 320 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,875 (laughing) 321 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,710 Bart, you're not laughing. 322 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,045 Too subtle? 323 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,963 No, I'm just depressed. 324 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,717 Milhouse's mom won't let me play with him anymore. 325 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:28,766 Homer, did you go out and buy a 20-pound ham? 326 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,768 -What's all this? -D'oh! 327 00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,812 "For heroic competence. 328 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,980 "For narrowly averting a meltdown 329 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,774 and proving without question 330 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:39,902 that nuclear power is completely safe. 331 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,695 Employee of the month!" 332 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,823 Oh, Homer! 333 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:44,865 Ohh... 334 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,915 A role model in my very own home, 335 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,542 how convenient. 336 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,044 Look, I get enough admiration and respect at work. 337 00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:59,296 I don't need it here at home. 338 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,756 (door slams) 339 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,050 How are you enjoying your ham, Homie? 340 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,719 Tastes so bitter, it's like ashes in my mouth. 341 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,597 Hmm. It's actually more of a honey glaze. 342 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,890 Maybe you ate a clove. 343 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,809 What's your problem, boy? 344 00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,894 I had a fight with Milhouse. 345 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,604 That four-eyes with the big nose? 346 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,814 You don't need friends like that. 347 00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,107 How Zen. 348 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,734 (bowling pins clatter) 349 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,735 What? 350 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,736 What is it? 351 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,071 What are you doing? 352 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:25,906 Looking at you with quiet awe. 353 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,241 Well, as long as it's quiet. 354 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,879 Milhouse to Bart. Milhouse to Bart. 355 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,131 Please don't hate me. 356 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,966 Please? 357 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,225 HOMER: Ooh, right next to the boss. 358 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,020 (loud bump) 359 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,022 Aw, he'll never know who did it. 360 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,610 (Smithers grumbling) 361 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,653 (Smithers muttering) 362 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,946 (Smithers groaning) 363 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,408 Ah, Simpson, there's someone 364 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:11,994 I want you to meet-- Aristotle Ametdopolous, 365 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,914 owner of the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Facility. 366 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,334 Huh? What? 367 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,502 It seems Ari's been having terrible worker problems at Shelbyville. 368 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,254 They've lost their zest for work. 369 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,007 You must help them find their eanae-eharatou-nah-duleve. 370 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,967 -Their eanae haratou doolawhat? -Yes. 371 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,261 We want you to give them a pep talk that turns them from 372 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,221 a bunch of donut-eating goof-offs 373 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,766 into a pack of Homer Simpsons. 374 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,476 I really can't tell them anything. 375 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,978 Oh, cut the false modesty! It's getting tiresome. 376 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:41,565 Besides, it's your duty. Employee of the month isn't all ham and plaques. 377 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,068 (Smithers panting) 378 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,402 Well, Smithers. 379 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,446 How kind of you to pay us a visit. 380 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:50,199 Couldn't help it, sir. The parking here is terrible. 381 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,785 -(gasping) -This man has no love 382 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:53,911 for his power plant. 383 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,454 Be gone from my sight. 384 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,999 That one's always been a problem. 385 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,505 One, two, three. Community chest. 386 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,048 Nah. 387 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,841 Nah. Ah! 388 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,094 I've won second prize in a beauty contest. 389 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,261 Collect ten bucks. 390 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:15,099 Ha, ha! You're losing. 391 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:18,018 Bart, don't feed your sister hotels. 392 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:20,104 Don't worry, Mom. There's tons of these things. 393 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,147 I think that game is too old for her. 394 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,774 Why don't you go play with Milhouse? 395 00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,401 I don't want to play with Milhouse. 396 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,111 You mean you still haven't made up with him? 397 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:29,655 It's his mom. She says I'm a bad influence. 398 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,282 C'mon Maggie, let's go throw rocks at that hornets' nest. 399 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,159 (grumbles) 400 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,829 (bell chimes) 401 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,206 Mrs. Van Houten, I'm Bart's mother. 402 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,834 We met in the emergency room when the boys drank paint. 403 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,669 I remember. Please come in. 404 00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,629 Marge, I'm sorry 405 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,256 but I think it would be better 406 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,924 if Milhouse didn't see your son. 407 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,593 Look, I know Bart can be a handful, 408 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,972 but I also know what he's like inside. 409 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,849 He's got a spark. 410 00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,475 It's not a bad thing. 411 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,811 Of course, it makes him do bad things. 412 00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:03,063 Well, Marge, the other day 413 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,774 Milhouse told me my meat loaf sucks. 414 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,402 He must have gotten that from your little boy, 415 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:11,030 because they certainly don't say that word on TV. 416 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,991 Well, I can't defend everything he does, 417 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,492 but let's face it. 418 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,494 All Bart and Milhouse have is each other. 419 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,455 They're too young for girls, 420 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,707 and they're a popular target for bullies, 421 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,960 and in the Christmas pageant, they're always sheep. 422 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,881 Please, please, let them be friends. 423 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,180 (sighing) I'll think about it, Marge. 424 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,767 So the next time somebody tells you 425 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,977 carny folk are good, honest people, 426 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,605 you can spit in their faces for me. 427 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,982 I will, Mr. Gumble. But if you'll excuse me, 428 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,777 I'm profiling my dad for the school paper. 429 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,695 I thought it'd be neat to follow him around for a day 430 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,239 -to see what makes him tick. -Aw, that's sweet. 431 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:57,910 I used to follow my dad to a lot of bars too. (belches) 432 00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,870 MOE: Here you go. One beer, one chocolate milk. 433 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:02,372 Excuse me, I have the chocolate milk. 434 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,540 Oh. 435 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:04,833 (groans) 436 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,168 What's the matter, Homer? 437 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,753 The depressing effects of alcohol 438 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,755 usually don't kick in till closing time. 439 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:10,923 He's just a little nervous. 440 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,508 He has to give a speech tomorrow 441 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,802 on how to keep cool in a crisis. 442 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,178 What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? 443 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,596 BARNEY: Hey, I had to give a speech once. 444 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:20,140 I was pretty nervous, so I used a little trick. 445 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,393 I pictured everyone in their underwear-- 446 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:26,855 the judge, the jury, my lawyer-- everybody. 447 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,399 -Did it work? -I'm a free man, ain't I? 448 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,778 Milhouse to Bart. Do you want to come over and play? 449 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,155 Really? We can be friends again? 450 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:36,865 Did your mom die? 451 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,450 Uh, I don't think so. 452 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:39,785 Well, who cares? 453 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,203 Milhouse, I'll be right there. 454 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,454 Sorry, Maggie. Game's over. 455 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:47,209 Hey, Mom! I'm friends with Milhouse again. 456 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,379 Well I knew his mother would come to her senses. 457 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,714 Thanks for sticking up for me. 458 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:53,966 What makes you think I did it? 459 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,092 Who else would? 460 00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,804 Aw... 461 00:18:58,887 --> 00:18:59,888 You be good. 462 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,056 I will. 463 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:08,021 (gun cocking) 464 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:11,066 As I look out into this sea of smiling faces, 465 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,278 I am filled with a sense of loathing and revulsion. 466 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:16,655 You are not workers. 467 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,867 You are a pack of mangy, cud-chewing, ugly goats. 468 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,952 Well, you're in for a treat. 469 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,871 We have with us today a real man. 470 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,498 Behold the glory that is Homer Simpson. 471 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:27,583 (cheers) 472 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:30,961 (clears throat) 473 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:34,631 Uh... "Ladies and... 474 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,757 gentlemen." 475 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,805 Just picture them in their underwear... 476 00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,852 Whew! 477 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,729 Ahh! 478 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:53,233 (voice cracking) "Grace under pressure is no..." 479 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,861 Three minutes to meltdown. 480 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,029 (screaming) 481 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,782 Whew! Saved by the bell. 482 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,702 Fifteen seconds to core meltdown. 483 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,787 Just do what you did before. 484 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:06,872 All right. 485 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,919 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, 486 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:14,046 catch a tiger by the toe, 487 00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:15,756 if he hollers let him go, 488 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:18,926 eeny, meeny, miny moe. 489 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,345 Crisis has been averted. 490 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,846 Everything is super. 491 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,768 Thank you, Homer, for saving my plant 492 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,561 with that idiotic rhyming! 493 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,272 Do you even know what button you pushed? 494 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,358 Sure-- Moe. 495 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:36,109 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. 496 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,945 Is Homer a hero? 497 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,780 The answer is no. 498 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:43,283 I'm Kent Brockman and that was "My Two Cents." 499 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,786 Now, back to Scott Christian with "Laugh and a Half." 500 00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,287 Thanks, Kent. 501 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,373 There was more dumb luck in the news today 502 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,917 when our own police chief Wiggum foiled a bank holdup 503 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,502 without even trying. 504 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,754 It seems the chief had gone to the bank 505 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:57,756 to cash in his penny jar. 506 00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:00,133 ...48, 49, 50. 507 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,177 -What the-- -Ooh! 508 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,303 Good work, Chief. 509 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:05,138 Just doing my job. 510 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:09,226 Yes, it seems the chief pulled a Homer Simpson of his own. 511 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,520 (men laughing) 512 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,063 Whoa! 513 00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:15,732 Huh? 514 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,234 A pretzel? 515 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:20,612 Wow! Looks like I pulled a Homer. 516 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,531 CHICK HEARN: The Lakers have the ball. 517 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:24,366 Magic Johnson coming down the floor on a fast break. 518 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:27,160 Magic stops. His feet slip out from under him! 519 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:28,787 The ball flies out of his hands, hits the referee in the head 520 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,330 goes in the basket! 521 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,749 It's a three-point play! The Lakers win! 522 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,751 Looks like I pulled a Homer. 523 00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:41,675 LISA: Our dad! Now he belongs to the ages. 524 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:50,350 ♪♪ 525 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,746 Shh! 526 00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:58,877 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.