1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,011 (bell rings) 3 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,472 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,894 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,490 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,742 (tires screech) 7 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:36,995 D'oh! 8 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,247 -Aah! -(tires screech) 9 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,308 (grunting and chattering) 10 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,688 (excited chattering) 11 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,990 ♪♪ ("Also Sprach Zarathustra") 12 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,455 Ooh! 13 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,923 (snoring) 14 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:32,300 {\an8}(hooting like an ape) 15 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:33,343 {\an8}-(phone ringing) -(hooting like an ape) 16 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,095 {\an8}Ooh, ooh, ooh-- Yello? 17 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,930 {\an8}Dad, I'm calling about the school talent show... 18 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,473 {\an8}Don't worry. I know it's tonight. 19 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,101 {\an8}No. Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, 20 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,061 {\an8}and I need you to get me a new one. 21 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:46,147 {\an8}Isn't this the kind of thing your mother's better at? 22 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,608 {\an8}I called her. She's not home. 23 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,985 {\an8}I also tried Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, 24 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,695 {\an8}Doctor Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy, 25 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,323 {\an8}and that nice man who caught the snake in our basement. 26 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:56,741 {\an8}Wow. And after them 27 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,660 {\an8}out of all the people in the world, 28 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:00,245 {\an8}you chose me. 29 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:01,746 {\an8}Uh-huh. Yeah. 30 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,082 {\an8}Number 4 1/2 reed. Got it. 31 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:06,876 Well, you're in for a whale of a show tonight. 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,963 I'd like to point out that the doors are now locked, 33 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,464 so you parents can't sneak out of the show 34 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,424 after your own child has performed. 35 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,801 Oh, and let me caution the people 36 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,386 in the first five rows-- 37 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,596 you will get wet. 38 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,017 (panting) 39 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,811 Just in the nick of-- 40 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:26,229 Mmm. Beer. 41 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,231 (smacking lips) 42 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,024 Hurry. Moe, hurry. 43 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,693 I've only got five minutes till the music store closes. 44 00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,570 Well why don't you go there first? 45 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,863 Hey, do I tell you how to do your job? 46 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,114 Sorry, Homer. 47 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,490 You know, if you tip the glass, 48 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,783 there won't be so much foam on top. 49 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:39,826 Sorry, Homer. 50 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:43,454 ♪♪ ("Sabre Dance") 51 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,123 (feeble applause) 52 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,208 This is a whole lot of nothing. 53 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,252 I'd rather be watchin' the boilers. 54 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,755 Make sure you return those chairs to the cafeteria, Kim. 55 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,715 I'm not kidding. 56 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,553 Ah... finished, with 15 seconds to spare. 57 00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:01,389 (whistling) 58 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:02,807 Ah! 59 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,143 D-ohhh! D-ohhh! D-ohhh! D-ohhh! 60 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,895 What's the matter, buddy? 61 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,147 The moron next door closed early. 62 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:11,482 I happen to be that moron. 63 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,319 Oh, me and my trenchant mouth! 64 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,487 (spooning sounds to "Sweet Georgia Brown") 65 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:22,285 Oh, terrible, just terrible. 66 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:24,495 You know, they seem to get worse every year. 67 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,665 (laughs) Wonderful! 68 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,375 You know, I think this is the best batch we've ever had. 69 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,295 I really do. And now, here's Bart Simpson, 70 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,505 the boy of a thousand voices. 71 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:39,385 I'd like to open with my impression of... 72 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,970 Principal Skinner. 73 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,893 (dopey voice) Duh, look at me. 74 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,228 I'm Principal Skinner. 75 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,104 (kids cheering) 76 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,773 That young man just became 77 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,983 the boy of a thousand days detention. 78 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,693 Hey, it's Lunch Lady Doris. 79 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,362 I wonder what she's got for us today. 80 00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,281 (nasal voice) Today's special is refried 81 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,783 dog poop. 82 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:02,784 (chuckling) 83 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,453 (kids cheering) 84 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,914 Please! You've got to open that store. 85 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,791 Let me think about it. 86 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,459 Uh... no. 87 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,587 Okay, okay, but I want you to see a picture 88 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,590 of the little girl you're disappointing. 89 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,509 Well, I don't have one. 90 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,761 Come on, Jer. Open up. Be a pal. 91 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,514 Remember when I pulled you and your wife out of that burning car? 92 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,641 Okay, okay, but now we're even. 93 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,393 What does your daughter need? 94 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,061 I'll have you know I wrote it down. 95 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,981 "Number-- number 4 1/2..." 96 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,065 Stupid gum! 97 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,068 "Number 4 1/2 reed." Whoo-hoo! 98 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,737 Mm-hmm. And, what instrument does she play? 99 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,073 I don't know. 100 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:45,034 ♪♪ ("Cancan") 101 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,787 Mom, where is he? 102 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,748 If I don't get that reed, I'll sound terrible. 103 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:51,833 Don't worry, honey. 104 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,085 I'm sure your father is... 105 00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:56,879 (thinking) maybe... 106 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,673 No. 107 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,551 That's a long shot. 108 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,053 Bingo. 109 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,431 Don't worry. He'll be here. 110 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:07,682 -Clarinet? Oboe? -No. 111 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,183 -Saxophone? -No. 112 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,393 Wait a minute. What was that last one again? 113 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,103 -Saxophone. -Hmm... 114 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:14,105 Lisa, stop playing that stupid... 115 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,773 saxophone! Yes, that's it! 116 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,483 -Alto or tenor? -D-ohhh! 117 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,235 ♪ My ding-a-ling ♪ 118 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,987 ♪ My ding-a-ling ♪ 119 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:23,364 ♪ I want you to play with my ding-a-ling ♪ 120 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,782 This act is over! 121 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,951 Well, ladies and gentlemen, 122 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,412 I'd like to put this filth behind us 123 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,498 and let's all enjoy Lisa Simpson's rendition 124 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,792 of "Stormy Leather." 125 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,502 Uh, "Weather." 126 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,004 (applause) 127 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:40,965 (playing off-key) 128 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:46,763 (murmuring) 129 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,641 Ha, ha! 130 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,769 Sounds like that gopher I caught in me lawn mower. 131 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:01,110 Ew, I'd hate to be that kid's father. 132 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,862 (gasping) 133 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,280 Uh-oh. 134 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,285 -That will do. -It's not my fault. 135 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,787 It's the reed. 136 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,288 Oh, yes, of course. 137 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,915 It's the reed. 138 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,376 Let's hear it for Lisa Simpson 139 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,835 and her wacky sax. 140 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,962 HOMER: Yeah! 141 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,006 Whoo! 142 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,007 Whoo, yeah... 143 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:23,966 (groaning) 144 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,017 Okay, who ordered a Mount Bellyache? 145 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,937 I ordered it for my little girl. Heh heh. 146 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,106 I'm done. 147 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,691 Oh! That cost $88! 148 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,361 I'm sorry, Dad. I don't feel much like eating. 149 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,822 Look, I let you down and I apologize. 150 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,491 I know that doesn't make it right. 151 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,326 But I hope you can find it in your heart 152 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,203 -to forgive me. -I forgive you. 153 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,704 D'oh! You didn't mean that. 154 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,915 -No, I didn't. -(sighs) 155 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,629 (cooing) 156 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,465 MARGE: Look, Homer. 157 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:07,593 Lisa's taking her first steps. 158 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,345 -You're taping it? -Yes. 159 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,513 I'll watch it later. 160 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,598 The plane, the plane! 161 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,435 No, my freakish little friend. That's a seagull. 162 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,686 Hmm. 163 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:18,980 Da-da. 164 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:20,773 Da-da. 165 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,233 MARGE: Did you hear that, Homer? 166 00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:24,819 Marge, please-- I'm busy. 167 00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:27,238 No wonder she hates me. 168 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:31,242 Oh, I never even noticed she was alive. 169 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,786 Homer, if you want to make up with Lisa 170 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,204 just spend some time with her. 171 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,665 Ohh! Okay! 172 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,336 (sipping noise) 173 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,297 (boys laughing) 174 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:45,465 Aah! 175 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,595 (grunting) 176 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,724 (thud) 177 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,020 Maybe I should just cut my losses, give up on Lisa, 178 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,564 and make a fresh start with Maggie. 179 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,400 Homie, you've got to stop looking for the quick fix. 180 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,445 If you keep spending time with Lisa, she'll forgive you. 181 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:10,198 Marge, if I spend any more time doing these girl things, 182 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,658 I'm gonna, you know, go fruity. 183 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,036 No, you were right the first time 184 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,370 with that quick fix idea. 185 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,664 Let's see-- quick fix, quick fix. 186 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:22,168 Ahh. I'll buy her that pony she's always bugging me for. 187 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,128 We can't afford to buy a pony. 188 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,546 Marge, with today's gasoline prices, 189 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,964 we can't afford not to buy a pony. 190 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,382 That's ridiculous. 191 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,551 Marge, I've gotta get her a pony. 192 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,428 When I look in Lisa's eyes, I don't see love anymore. 193 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,388 That's no reason to buy a pony. 194 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:37,016 See, even when you yell at me, I can see love in your eyes. 195 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,351 Stick to the subject. 196 00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,144 (singsongy) Ha, ha, you love me. 197 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,188 (groans) Let's be realistic. 198 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,190 A pony is very expensive, 199 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,692 and we have enough trouble paying bills as it is. 200 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,361 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 201 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:50,112 You sound like you're going to buy a pony. 202 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,114 -Promise me you won't. -Hmm. 203 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,658 What was that? Was that a yes or a no? 204 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,661 -Baa. -Those aren't even words. 205 00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:58,162 -Sna. -(groans) 206 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,586 Oh, my, what is that smell? 207 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,880 Oh, it's you. 208 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,340 Excuse me. Do you sell ponies? 209 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,884 Uh, sure, pal. Right here. 210 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,762 "Scottish Deer Hound." 211 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,931 Hey, this is a dog. 212 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:20,476 Ooh, my friend, you're smarter than I gave you credit for. 213 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,771 I suggest you try the Boney Farm on Route 401. 214 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,482 Merely take a left at the rendering plant. 215 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,782 Now, lady, I'm buying a pony for my little girl, 216 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:36,117 and I don't care what it costs. 217 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,660 Very good. 218 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,120 That stunning creature over there 219 00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:40,663 is half a million dollars. 220 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,331 Half a million dollars?! 221 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,417 He was sired by Seattle Slew, 222 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,295 -and his mother won the Kentucky Derby. -HOMER: Wow. 223 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,589 His likeness graces a stamp in Tanzania. 224 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,882 -I'll take it! -Mr. Simpson... 225 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,552 do you have half a million dollars? 226 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,930 Uh, sure, let me write you a check. 227 00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:58,973 Hmm. 228 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,435 Mr. Simpson, 229 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:06,355 this check is dated January 1, 2054. 230 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,357 Is there a problem with that? 231 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,569 Our ponies start at $5,000... cash. 232 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,822 Isn't there like a pound 233 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,532 where you can pick up cheap ponies 234 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,658 that ran away from home? 235 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,036 I sincerely hope not. 236 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,916 I-- I'd like to borrow $5,000. 237 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,585 Sorry. 238 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:28,669 I can't approve a loan that size myself. 239 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:29,670 (rings bell) 240 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:33,174 -Hello. -(scream) 241 00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:35,468 "Simpson," eh? How can I help you? 242 00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:37,595 Mr. Burns, you do this personally? 243 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,347 It's a hobby. 244 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,307 I'm not in this for any personal gain. Heavens no. 245 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,683 By the way, are you acquainted with 246 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,810 our state's stringent usury laws? 247 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,188 -Usury? -Oh, silly me. 248 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,773 I must've just made up a word that doesn't exist. 249 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:51,025 Now, what is the purpose of this loan? 250 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,777 I want to buy a pony. 251 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,487 Isn't that cute? 252 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,947 Smithers, he's planning on joining the horsey set. 253 00:10:57,031 --> 00:11:00,868 That is it, isn't it? You're not planning to eat it? 254 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,703 No I need to get it for my little girl because 255 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,829 she doesn't love me anymore. 256 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,164 -Shut up, Simpson. -Sorry. 257 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:06,999 You have any collateral? 258 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,043 Oh, Smithers, let's not be so cold. 259 00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:11,671 His spirit is my collateral. 260 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:16,133 Just sign this form and the money will be yours. 261 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,135 (diabolical laughter) 262 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,805 Sorry, I was just thinking 263 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,890 of something funny Smithers did today. 264 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,350 I didn't do anything funny, sir. 265 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,102 Shut up. 266 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,147 Mr. Simpson, 267 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:34,110 are you quite sure you know how to take care of a pony? 268 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,403 Of course. 269 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:38,572 Simpson, you've done it again. 270 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:54,046 (screaming) 271 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,680 I love you, Dad! 272 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,308 (groans) 273 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,936 I am very upset with you. 274 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,312 Sounds like someone's angling 275 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,398 for a pony of her own. 276 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,316 (gasping) 277 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,485 Hey, how come Lisa gets a pony? 278 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,195 Because she stopped loving me. 279 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,947 I don't love ya' either, so gimme a moped. 280 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,993 I know you love me, so you don't get squat. 281 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,537 Snowball II, Santa's Little Helper-- 282 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,164 this is Princess. 283 00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:31,208 Please don't exclude her because she's different. 284 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,214 Homer, just where were you planning to keep this horse? 285 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,008 I've got it all figured out. 286 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:43,012 By day, it will roam free around the neighborhood, 287 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,805 and at night, it will nestle snugly 288 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,432 between the cars in our garage. 289 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,893 -Dad, no! -That's illegal. 290 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:51,312 That's for the courts to decide. 291 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,646 Marge, she loves me. 292 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:56,317 Dad, I think Princess belongs in a stable. 293 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,986 Stable? That sounds expensive. 294 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,363 This is what love costs a month? 295 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,366 These are standard stable fees, Mr. Simpson. 296 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,912 Plus, I'm teaching your daughter riding, grooming, 297 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:10,456 and at no extra charge, pronunciation. 298 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,749 (with British accent) Father, you've made me 299 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,168 the happiest girl who ever lived. 300 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,128 Oh, nuts. 301 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,174 GRANDPA: What do I do? What do I do? 302 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,675 Grandpa, if you want to go right, 303 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:22,718 move the joy stick to the left. 304 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,345 Yes. Move the-- 305 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:26,013 What's a joy stick? You didn't tell me-- 306 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,474 Here comes a Xylon cruiser! Woah, woah woah! 307 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,142 Go into hyperspace! Ready, hit it! 308 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,645 Wait! Where's the hyperspace? 309 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,146 Grandpa, you're the spaceship, not the-- 310 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,106 I'm the what? I thought I was this guy. 311 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,943 Oh! 312 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,486 Game's over, Grandpa. 313 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:41,737 I got down on the floor for this?! 314 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:46,283 Wait, Dad. I've got something for you. 315 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,287 I was hoping it would be money. 316 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:56,377 Oh, dear. We're in serious trouble here. 317 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:59,213 We're just going to have to cut down on luxuries. 318 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,841 Well, you know we're always buying Maggie vaccinations 319 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,467 for diseases she doesn't even have. 320 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,386 Actually, I was thinking we could cut down on beer. 321 00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:07,221 Nah, we're not going to be doing that. 322 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,722 Then I'm afraid there's no choice 323 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,307 but to give up the pony. 324 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,309 First you didn't want me to get the pony. 325 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,520 Now you want me to take it back. 326 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:15,521 Make up your mind. 327 00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,730 Homer! 328 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,774 Marge, Lisa loves me. The pony stays. 329 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,526 Alright. You got us into this. 330 00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:23,195 -You get us out. -Fine, I will. 331 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,530 There's plenty of money out there 332 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,448 for a guy who's willing to work for it. 333 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,159 Do you have any jewelry you don't need anymore? 334 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,703 (groans) 335 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:33,998 You're so beautiful. 336 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:37,167 Oh, look, you haven't touched your salt lick. 337 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,961 Num-num. Good salt lick. 338 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,510 HOMER: Need money. Need money. 339 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,053 One scratch-for-cash, please. 340 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,179 Here you go. 341 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,514 Liberty bell. 342 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,474 (gasps) Two liberty bells. 343 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,977 Come on, come on, come on... 344 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,145 Oh. 345 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,271 Yes! 346 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,397 Whoo-whoo! 347 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,399 Three liberty bells! 348 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,568 That will be $10,000, Apu. 349 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,445 Congratulations, Mr. Homer. 350 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,571 Thank you. 351 00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,239 If I could just see the ticket... 352 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,074 There it is. 353 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,784 Please to be removing your thumb. 354 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,161 No. 355 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,621 Yes, please. I must insist. 356 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,788 No. No. 357 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,790 -You can't see-- -Yes, I must-- 358 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,877 No! Let go! You're ripping it. 359 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:20,961 (gasps) 360 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,923 A cherry. Oh, Mr. Homer, 361 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,009 what has reduced you to such cheap chicanery? 362 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,510 Oh... I need money. 363 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,095 Well, if you need money, 364 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,890 you should have at least jammed a gun in my ribs, 365 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,224 or better yet, 366 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,226 you could inquire about my help wanted sign. 367 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,811 You're looking for help? 368 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,146 Yes, we need someone for the demanding 369 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,231 yet high profile midnight to 8:00 a.m. shift. 370 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,441 I'm your man. 371 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:44,151 -You're hired. -Whoo-hoo! 372 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:45,569 Always I dreamed the day would come 373 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,529 when one of you would be working for me. 374 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,284 -(clapping) -So pretty. 375 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,161 She certainly tamed that horse. 376 00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,330 Yes, but what man can tame her? 377 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,748 APU: I won't lie to you. 378 00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:00,000 On this job, you will be shot at. 379 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,711 Each of these bullet wounds is a badge of honor. 380 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,088 "Badge of honor..." 381 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,547 Here's a pointer. 382 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,257 Try to take it in the shoulder. 383 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:10,511 Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. 384 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,346 They are strictly ornamental. 385 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:16,058 There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them. 386 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,102 But I eat-- Oh. 387 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,605 (Homer yawning) 388 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,441 The perfect crime. 389 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:27,277 Homer, where have you been all night? 390 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:28,654 I was so worried. 391 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,656 Marge, can we go in the other room? 392 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,658 I did something last night I'm not proud of, 393 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,368 and I don't want the kids to hear it. 394 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,120 Busted. 395 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,413 I'll work midnight to 8:00, 396 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,164 come home, sleep for five minutes, 397 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,583 eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower. 398 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,086 Then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love 399 00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,088 then off to the power plant fresh as a daisy. 400 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,381 (thud) 401 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,091 Oh, my God, she killed him. 402 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:53,721 (snoring) 403 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,100 Mmm. Salty. 404 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,480 Homer! Are you stealing Squishies? 405 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,440 No, sir. 406 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,985 This next song is also 407 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,236 about a girl and her pony. 408 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,530 It's called "Wildfire." 409 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:14,491 ♪♪ 410 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:21,290 WOMAN: Come on, Apu, honey, loosen up. 411 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,666 APU: Ohh! 412 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,334 I'm sorry, baby. 413 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,045 While I'm here pleasuring you, 414 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,756 -my store is going down the tubes. -(sighs) 415 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,426 (snoring) 416 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:38,432 Three dollars and 51, 52, 53 cents. (chuckles) 417 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:41,268 Homer, you are asleep at your post! 418 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,728 Now go change the expiration dates 419 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,063 on the dairy products. 420 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,105 Yes, sir. 421 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,565 Sorry, baby. Date's over. 422 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:47,608 -(thud) -(gasps) 423 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,276 (snoring) 424 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,372 ♪♪ (soothing) 425 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:36,949 (snoring) 426 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:46,959 (alarm rings) 427 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,128 Homie, how long do you plan to do this? 428 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,587 I don't know. 429 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,047 How long do horses live? 430 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,090 30 years. 431 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:54,091 D-ohhh. 432 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,300 HOMER: Mustn't sleep. 433 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,094 Must monitor core. 434 00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:00,305 (snoring) 435 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,849 (phone ringing) 436 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,100 Yello? 437 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,310 I just called to say I love you, Dad. 438 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,187 Thanks. 439 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,481 When is she going to stop loving me? 440 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,108 (snoring) 441 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,026 I just heard Milli Vanilli was arrested 442 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,404 for impersonating a McNugget. 443 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,699 Well, it's still fun to be up late. 444 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,409 Hey, Homer, where you going? 445 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,827 Going for... 446 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,872 eight-hour walk. 447 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,126 -(car horn blares) -(snoring) 448 00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,961 Homer. Homer? 449 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:33,505 Homer sleep now. 450 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,716 {\an8}What's wrong with Dad? 451 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,926 He's just exhausted. 452 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,555 Lisa, do you know how much it costs to keep a pony? 453 00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:43,765 -No. -Well, it's a lot. 454 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,143 In fact, your father had to take a second job. 455 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,227 The poor guy. 456 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,520 Where's he working? 457 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,605 The Kwik-E Mart. 458 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,274 (laughing) 459 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:53,692 Lisa, I hope you realize 460 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,153 that your father can't keep this up. 461 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,988 You're gonna make me give up Princess? 462 00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,365 Lisa, we can't make you give up that pony. 463 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,825 I can make her. 464 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,744 Just give me five minutes alone with her. 465 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:06,163 No, Bart. No one's going to make her. 466 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:09,249 This is something Lisa has to decide for herself. 467 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,127 All the years I've lobbied to be treated like an adult 468 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,712 have blown up in my face. 469 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,466 Hey! (whistles) Pink hat! 470 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,009 When I ordered that blueberry squishy 471 00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:20,135 I meant today. 472 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,428 Coming right up, sir. 473 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:23,805 And fill it to the top this time. 474 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,015 Yes, sir. 475 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,725 (sighs) 476 00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,561 She likes a little carrot after her oats, 477 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,938 and she really likes it 478 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,232 when you scratch her behind the ear. 479 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,275 And if you're playing the radio, 480 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,152 she likes contemporary adult in the morning 481 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,779 and easy listening at night. 482 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:41,240 Please take good care of my Princess. 483 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,201 Although there is no change in my patrician facade, 484 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,370 I can assure you my heart is breaking. 485 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,958 I'll never forget you. 486 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,626 What the--? 487 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:55,796 You call this melted cheese receptacle clean? 488 00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:59,591 The young man you replaced is rolling over in his grave. 489 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:00,926 Dad, you don't have to do this. 490 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,512 Yes, I do. You see, Lisa, 491 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,681 grown-ups have a thing called money... 492 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,684 Dad, I understand the sacrifice you've made for me. 493 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,144 That's why I gave up the pony. 494 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,604 -You did? -Mm-hm. 495 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:13,730 There's a big dumb animal 496 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,607 I love even more than that horse. 497 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,985 Oh, no, what is it, a hippopotamus? 498 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,112 I mean you, you dummy. 499 00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,738 Aw. 500 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:27,327 Apu, you can take this job and restaff it. 501 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:28,996 (laughing) 502 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,414 Giddy-up, Dad! 503 00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:31,581 (whinnies) 504 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:35,585 He slept, he stole, 505 00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:37,754 he was rude to the customers. 506 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:41,008 Still, there goes the best damned employee 507 00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:43,260 a convenience store ever had. 508 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,807 ♪♪ 509 00:22:50,285 --> 00:22:51,620 Shh! 510 00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:57,334 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.