♪ The Simpsons ♪
(chalk screeches)
(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
-(sucking) -(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
(tires screeching)
(horn honks)
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screech)
(dance music playing)
Oh, ain't that cute?
Hey! Where in God's name did you learn that kind of...
dancing?
Whoa.
Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
Dad, can I have some money
to buy Bart a birthday present?
Money.
Dad, this is $110.
-Oh, sorry. -MAN: That's very righteous.
Funky See, Funky Do will be back to lip sync
another one of their hits right after this.
ANNOUNCER: Hey, kids, why sit in front of the TV
when you can be on the radio?
♪ We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy ♪
♪ Across the U.S.A. ♪
♪ Convoy ♪
That could be Bart.
Throw away your bulky transmitters
and broadcasting towers.
The Superstar Celebrity Microphone
lets you hear your voice through any A.M. radio.
Hey, good-looking,
we'll be back to pick you up later.
Whew! He's in for some loving.
It's the perfect gift for birthdays, graduations,
-board meetings. -You're fired.
Hmm. Bart's birthday's coming up.
But order now, supply is limited.
-(gasps) Limited? -(dialing)
Do you have any of those microphones left?
Yeah, a couple.
You know, Marge,
Bart's really going to like my birthday present this year.
It won't be like those shoe trees
I got him last year
or the shelf paper I bought him for Christmas.
-I'll buy his love yet. -Mmm, yeah.
(whistling "Happy Birthday")
Okay, Sideshow Mel, bring out the birthday cake.
(children laughing)
(cheering)
Hey, kids, while Sideshow Mel mops up,
Let's see the names of our Krusty birthday pals for today.
All right, here comes my name.
Wow. Best eight bucks I ever spent.
Bart, your Grampa's on the phone.
He wants to wish you a happy birthday.
Isn't that nice?
Take a message.
Right now, I'm off to hit 46 local merchants
for free birthday goods and services.
I'm here for my free birthday sundae.
Eat it and get out.
Digital audio tape, my butt.
When I was a kid, we had compact discs,
and I don't recall no one complaining.
Damn right.
♪♪ (tango music playing)
-(watch alarm beeping) -Sorry, Rosarita.
I got to get to my birthday party.
Farewell, Señor Bart.
Hey, good to see you. Glad you could make it.
Toby, have you lost weight?
Uh-oh, here comes trouble.
(chuckles)
It's Wall E.!
(kids cheering)
Hey, Wall E., do something funny.
WALL E.: Hey, later, okay?
Hey, why don't you go bug your parents?
Cool, Larry the Looter.
(chuckles) All right, stick it to the man.
(groans)
Hey, there. I hear it's your birthday.
-How old are you? -Well, I'm...
That's great. Would you like us to sing you a special song?
-Hell no. -You got it.
Ready, Señor Beaveratti?
I'm a-ready.
And a-one, and a-two...
(singing off-key) ♪ You're the birthday ♪
♪ You're the birthday boy or girl... ♪
What the...
-It's a label maker. -Mm-hmm.
We have one at home.
Before we got it, I was always finding
Patty's stubble in my leg razor.
(groans)
Bart, I'll bet you think
nothing's going to top that cactus.
Well, check out my present.
-Next. -Bart, be polite.
-Next, please. -Bart, I've noticed
your birthday presents are a poor crop at best.
I hope this turns the tide.
Ooh, just gorgeous.
Now we can be twins.
(quizzical growl)
Aw, there's only one can of beer left, and it's Bart's.
Hey, boy, how's the microphone working?
Fine.
Bart! I would love to get a present like that.
Here you go. Enjoy.
D'oh!
Listen boy, this is a great invention. Watch.
(off-key) ♪ We got a great big convoy ♪
♪ Rocking through the night ♪
♪ We got a great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight? ♪
-♪ Convoy ♪ -(dog howling)
Quit it, Dad!
Hey, good-looking,
we'll be back for some dinner later.
What did you say?
I can't understand you with all that distortion.
(groans)
What a crappy birthday.
You know Bart, I don't think this is such a bad present.
Maybe you just shouldn't talk into it as loud as your father does.
Testing.
Testing one-two-three.
Oh, my.
Do I sound like that?
Hey, it does work.
I bet you could have a lot of fun with this.
Why don't you go show your father?
Hmm.
Mmm, chocolate.
D'oh!
Mmm, chocolate.
D'oh!
Marge, we need some more
vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream.
MARGE: I'll get some at the store tomorrow, Homer.
Mmm, chocolate.
BART: People of earth, this is Bartron--
commander of the Martian invasion force.
Your planet is in our hands.
Resistance is useless.
(screams)
We have captured your president.
He was delicious.
-Why, you little... -(gagging)
Wait a minute.
Does this mean you like my present?
Uh-huh.
Oh... Just promise me
you won't play any more practical jokes.
I promise.
(Bart chuckling)
Mama. Mama.
(gasps) Maggie, you talked!
Can you say "mama" again?
Sorry, lady.
Show's over.
Oh, Bart.
(laughing)
I dreamed I was married to Corey,
and we lived on a pony farm,
and Corey was always walking around
with his shirt off.
(both laughing)
Oh, brother.
(fart noise)
(laughing)
Mrs. Krabapple, that was uncalled for.
(grumbling)
Bravo!
Well done, old man.
Hmm.
Rod, Todd, this is God.
How did you get on the radio?
What do you mean, "how did I get on the radio"?
I created the universe, stupid kids.
Forgive my brother.
We believe you.
Talk is cheap.
Perhaps a test of thy faith.
Walk through the wall.
I will remove it for you...
...later. (laughing)
What do you want from us?
I got a job for thee.
Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen
and leave them on the Simpsons' porch.
But those cookies belong to our parents.
(frustrated sigh) Look, do you want a happy God
-or a vengeful God? -Happy God.
Then quit flapping your lip, and make with the cookies!
-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir.
(whistling)
Whoops.
(humming)
BART: Help! Help!
Sounds like trouble a-brewing at the old well!
Help me, please.
I fell down the well!
I'll get help, laddie.
A little nip of courage.
Out of my way!
Look out, you horse's arse!
(laughing)
Sucker.
Huh? Hey, what's up?
Some poor kid fell down a well.
Yes!
(high-pitched voice) My name is Timmy O'Toole.
I just turned ten years old.
Timmy, where are your parents?
Uh... I have no family.
I tried to enroll in school,
but your Principal Skinner turned me away
-because of my shabby clothes. -(crowd gasps)
He's a liar.
(crowd booing)
The circumference of the well is 34 inches.
So, unfortunately,
not one member of our city's police force
is slender enough to rescue the boy.
By God, men, you're a bunch of marshmallows.
Why don't you go, Chief?
Well, I'm too f...
-...important. -(scoffs)
Although the well is too dark to see the boy,
Timmy has told us his foot is trapped under a rock.
Thus any attempt to pull him up
would snap him like a twig.
In desperation, the city is considering
more unorthodox solutions.
Grasping the child firmly in his talons,
Socrates here will fly him to safety.
Just watch.
(screeches)
I don't think he's coming back.
With this hook and this hunk of chocolate,
I'll land your boy,
and I'll clean him for free.
Although we can't reach the boy,
we can freeze him with liquid nitrogen
so that future generations can rescue him.
Dear Lord, before we peel the foil back from your bounty,
we ask you to watch over little Timmy O'Toole
trapped in that well.
(Bart laughing loudly)
Bart, what's wrong with you?
Yeah, that Timmy is a real hero.
How do you mean, Dad?
Well, he fell down a well and can't get out.
How does that make him a hero?
Well, it's more than you did.
And finally, Channel 6's own Krusty the Clown
has gathered members of the entertainment community,
who normally steer clear of fashionable causes,
for a video called
"We're Sending Our Love Down the Well."
I wanted to do something to help that boy.
so I called my good friend Sting.
He said "Krusty, when do you need me?"
I said, "Thursday."
He said, "I'm busy Thursday."
I said, "What about Friday?"
He said, "Friday's worse than Thursday."
Then he said, "How about Saturday?"
I said "Fine."
True story.
Yeah. I used to open for Krusty in '69.
In fact, he fired me as I recall.
(chuckles)
Oh, Sting.
But this isn't about show business.
This is about some kid down a hole or something.
and we've all got to do what we can.
♪♪ (piano)
♪ There's a hole in my heart as deep as a well ♪
♪ For that poor little boy who's stuck halfway to hell ♪
♪ Though we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing ♪
♪ And go on TV and sing, sing, sing ♪
♪ And we're sending our love down the well ♪
♪ All the way down ♪
♪ We're sending our love down the well ♪
♪ Down that well ♪
Krusty, what are your plans for the royalties?
Well, we got to pay for promotion, shipping,
distribution.
You know, those limos out back, they aren't free.
Whatever's left, we throw down the well.
(carnival music, children laughing)
Authentic Timmy O'Toole baby teeth.
$6.00 a bag.
Step to the rear.
Plenty of room in the back.
(crowd laughing and talking)
♪ The Itchy & Scratchy Show ♪
Hmm?
(yells)
(screaming)
(chomping)
♪♪
Hmm?
(screaming)
(laughing)
-Aw. -(dog barking)
Drop that microphone.
Drop it, boy!
This is a special report from Channel 6 News.
Disturbing news from the Old Town well
where young Timmy O'Toole
has apparently taken a turn for the worse.
(growling)
It's very simple, Kent.
The child is reverting to a feral
or wolf-like state. Here's an artist's conception.
-(growling) -Bart.
(snarling)
Ahem. I was trying to gnaw my foot off, but...
I couldn't get through my sock.
Good night, everybody. (snoring)
Bart Simpson!
The thought of a boy trapped in a well
brought out the kindness and love of the entire community.
When they find out you've been fooling them,
they're gonna want to cut you up with rusty razors.
Oh, yeah? And how are they gonna find out?
The police will catch you, sooner or later.
The police. (scoffs) They couldn't catch a cold.
Maybe not, but I bet you're stupid enough
to have left a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on that radio.
D'oh!
"And Cinderella had
"the most beautiful gown at the ball
"with eight satin petticoats
each more delicate than the last."
I think he's asleep.
Want to get a cup of coffee?
Okay. Brave little guy.
(grunts)
(grunting)
(yells)
Hey. Almost tripped over this thing.
(screaming)
Ugh!
(groaning)
What did I do to deserve this?
Help! Help!
I fell down the well.
Tell us something we don't know.
(policemen laughing)
No, my name is Bart Simpson.
What are you doing down there?
Look, I'll level with you.
There is no Timmy O'Toole.
It was just a prank I was playing on everybody.
Well, you sure fooled us, kid.
Hey, I got an idea for a prank.
Let's go home and go to sleep.
(laughing)
Good one, Eddie.
Ha, ha. Great joke, guys.
(fake laughing)
-Guys? -(wolf howls in distance)
So I'm afraid your son is trapped down the well.
You must think we're the worst parents in the world.
Yes, that's pretty much the feeling down at the station.
Don't worry, son. Just 'cause you're trapped in a hole
doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life.
I brought you your Krusty doll.
Ow!
Knock it off, you bald boob!
Hey! Don't make me come down there!
Like to see you fit.
Why you little--
-Put a man on him. -(grunting)
I like the other boy.
So polite.
What are you doing to save my baby boy?
Well, ma'am, we've located a piece of machinery
in Shreveport, Louisiana
that could pop him out lickety-split.
Well, why don't you get it?
Well, I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Mrs. Simpson.
Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well.
Had he done it at the start of the fiscal year, no problemo.
You're telling me that the city won't pay
to get a boy out of a well?
Well they would have for Timmy. People love that little guy.
But your son, well, he kinda played us all for a bunch of saps.
Mmm...
So it seems we've all been the victims of a cruel hoax
perpetrated by a ten-year-old hooligan.
The time has come for finger pointing,
and most of them are squarely aimed
at the boy's parents.
It's not our fault.
We didn't want the boy.
He was an accident.
Homer!
Could you edit that last part out?
Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast to coast.
D'oh!
♪ One plus one plus three is five ♪
♪ Little Bart Simpson's buried alive ♪
♪ He's so neat, he's so sweet ♪
♪ Now the rats have Bart to eat... ♪
Hey, stop that!
Oh. Sorry, Lisa.
♪ How many days until Bart croaks? ♪
♪ One, two, three, four... ♪
And our new number one hit, "I Do Believe We're Naked"
by Funky See, Funky Do
replaces "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well,"
which plunges all the way down to number 97.
Ever since I called for the rescue
of that Simpson lad, I have taken a lot of heat,
so I am flip-flopping.
I say let him stay down there.
(cheering)
(ringing)
Yeah, Shutton here.
Now that's a story.
Bart, honey, I made you an extra warm sweater
you can wear while you're down in the well.
Mom, it's too big.
Don't worry, you'll grow into it.
Homer!
You know, I've done
a lot of bad stuff through the years.
I guess now I'm paying the price,
but there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do.
Smoke a cigarette,
Use a fake I.D.,
Shave a swear word in my hair...
(sniffling)
That's all I can stands. I can't stands no more.
I'm going to get you out of there myself.
(Homer grunting)
Now why didn't I think of that?
Agnes, we've got work to do.
(grunting)
This is Kent Brockman with a special bulletin.
The Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated.
We'll stay with the story all night, if we have to.
What's going on?
It's an old-fashioned hole digging.
By gar, it's been a while.
(grunting)
(gasping)
The canary.
Gas!
Out of the hole!
(screaming)
Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.
Back in the hole!
(screaming)
(panting)
Sting, you look tired.
Maybe you should take a rest.
Not while one of my fans needs me.
Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums.
Shh! Marge, he's a good digger.
(panting)
Uhh!
Sting!
Mom! Dad!
Oh, Bart, I've missed you so much.
Man, I was so scared.
Don't worry, son.
They're going to make sure
no one ever falls down this well again.
(grunting)
That should do it.
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.