♪ The Simpsons ♪
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screech)
Hey everybody, Bret Gunselman here
on pivotal week eight of the N.F.L. season.
Now stay tuned for six hours of exciting football action.
Well, bye-bye belt.
(loud crunching and swallowing)
Homer, all those fatty
deep-fried, heavily-salted snacks
can't be good for your heart.
My heart is just fine.
(creaking noises)
(gasping)
A little beer will put out that fire.
And now with the specs for today's games
The man who's right 52% of the time, Smooth Jimmy Apollo.
Thank you Bret, our first game today, Denver and New England
is too close to call.
Oh...
But if you're one of those compulsive types
who just has to bet...
well, I don't know.
Mmm... Denver!
Woo-whoo! Denver! Yeah!
Moe's Tavern
where the peanut bowl is freshened hourly.
Moe, I'd like to bet $20 on Denver.
I think I can provide that service.
Chief Wiggum, could you hand me
that little black book?
Sure thing, Moe.
I was just using it as a coaster.
HOMER: 20 big ones on Denver.
Pleasure doing business with you.
H.S.
All right, Denver, justify my love.
MAN: At the end of 13 seconds of play
it's New England seven, Denver nothing.
D'oh!
Look, Dad.
I made a model studio apartment
for my Malibu Stacy doll.
This is a kitchen.
This is where she prints her weekly feminist newsletter.
Dad, you're not listening to me!
Lousy, stupid Denver.
Mmm!
(humming)
Oh, look at that, a shoe box house.
Lisa, you're so clever.
Why isn't Dad ever interested
in anything I do?
Well...do you ever take an interest in anything he does?
No. Well, we used to have burping contests
but I outgrew it.
If you want to get closer to him
maybe you should bridge the gap.
I do it all the time.
I pretend I'm interested in looking at power tools
going to those silly car-chase movies
and... some things I'll tell you about when you're older.
Do you understand?
I think so.
-Bart! -What?
HOMER: Oh, look at that.
Why did you do that?
Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together?
Uh... Okay.
Just don't say anything, and sit down over there.
Over.
(sighing)
Lisa, please, I can't hear the announcer.
He said Denver just fumbled.
D'oh!
See you in hell, soldier boy.
(evil chuckling)
Bart?
Yeah, Mom.
I was thinking that while your father and Lisa watch the game,
it might be fun if the two of us went clothes shopping.
Mom, I'd love to, but to be honest, I don't need new clothes.
Oh, really?
So even though I'd love to spend
this sunny afternoon trying on clothes, it's not...
Folks, when you're right 52% of the time
you're wrong 48% of the time.
Why didn't you say that before?
Okay, Jimmy, you're off the hook.
We've got Miami-Cincinnati coming up. Any thoughts?
I certainly do, Bret.
I hereby declare Miami
to be Smooth Jimmy's 'Lock of the Week.'
Ooh, that's a big lock, alright.
But I just don't trust that guy.
In the Cincinnati-Miami game
I declare Cincinnati to be my "Shoe-in of the Week."
They both make a good case.
After evaluating millions of pieces of data
in the blink of an eye,
the Gambletron 2000 says the winner is... Cincinnati
by 200 points?
Why, you worthless hunk of junk!
You want some of this, don't you?
Yeah!
Well, you need to know the winners,
and I know the winners.
So call me now.
$5 for the first minute, $2 for each additional minute.
(slowly) You... have reached...
the coach's...
hot...
Line.
Lay it on me, coach.
In the game of...
Mi-am-i
Mm-hmm.
Versus Cin...
Cincinnati.
-Cin... -Cincinnati.
-Na...ti. -Cincinnati.
C'mon, c'mon! Don't you realize this is costing me money?
We must consider... many things.
The wind...
D'oh, not the wind!
Is blowing out of the...
west...
at five...
Miles per hour.
-Knots. -D'oh!
This is ridiculous!
What am I supposed to do?
Lisa, who do you think's gonna win?
The Bengals or the Dolphins?
I don't know. The Dolphins?
Good, good.
Moe, $50 on the Miami Dolphins.
Gotcha. 50 beans on Miami.
Homer, I got a call on the other line. Hello?
Moe, it's me, Mr. K.
(laughing)
Yeah, yeah, what will it be?
Put me down for $700 on the Rams.
(honks horn)
Oh, and put Sideshow Mel down for two grand.
Mom, I'm tired.
I want to go home.
Can't I just lie down for a minute?
Bart, I think you'd look very sharp
in this shirt.
Fine. Get it. Let's go.
No, no, no.
You have to try it on.
Ooh, and this one's 50% off.
You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom?
Because the people who wear them get beaten up.
Well, anyone who would beat you up for wearing a shirt isn't your friend.
Ooh, this looks good,
and this one is very, very cute
and these...
Oh, look, little bow ties!
And don't make that face at me.
How did you know?
Touchdown, Dolphins!
All right, Dolphins!
-Woo-hoo! -Woo-hoo!
50 big ones!
50 big ones?
Uh-oh.
You see, Lisa, Daddy's friend Moe promised
to give him $50 if the Dolphins won the game.
You mean you made a bet?
I wouldn't call it a bet.
It's a little thing Daddies do
to make football more exciting.
What could be more exciting
than the savage ballet that is pro football?
Well, you know.
You like ice cream, don't you?
Uh-huh.
Don't you like ice cream better
when it's covered with hot fudge
and mounds of whipped cream, chopped nuts
and those crumbled-up cookie things they mash up?
Mmm...
Crumbled-up cookie things.
So gambling makes a good thing even better?
That's right!
My God...
it's like there's some kind of bond between us.
Hmm?
We've got a troublemaker in booth eight.
Forget him. There's a code red in booth three.
My God!
Those aren't the socks she came in with.
Um-um...Let's move.
-Bart? -In here Mom, but Don't open the--
-(screaming) -(giggling)
Oh, Bart, you could use some new underwear too.
MAN: Look at that stupid kid!
-Three! -Three!
-Two! -Two!
-One! -One!
ANNOUNCER: And the final from Riverfront Stadium:
Miami 24, Cincinnati 10.
-Yeah! -Yeah!
Boy! Mom sure will be happy you won $50.
You'd think that, wouldn't you?
But you see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea
that gambling is wrong
even though they say it's okay in the Bible.
Really? Where?
Uh... somewhere in the back.
The point is, we had a great time today.
And to keep it that way
let's not tell your mother about our little wager, okay?
Okay, Dad.
Did you two have fun?
You bet.
(giggling)
Well, we had fun too.
Right now, Bart is modeling his new clothes
for his friends.
Ooh...
You got to come out sometime, Simpson.
Goodnight, Dad. I had a really nice time today.
Me too, honey.
Can I watch football with you
again next Sunday?
Sure. You'll find it gets rid
of the unpleasant aftertaste of church.
See how good things can happen
if you make a little effort?
Point well taken.
Uh, Mom... could you loosen my blanket a little?
Dad tucked me in too tight, and it's cutting off
the circulation in my arms and legs.
This team is fired up. We came here to play.
-Alright! -He'll lose.
What? Didn't you hear what he said?
Look at the fear in his eyes.
Listen to the quiver in his voice.
He's a little boy lost in a game of men.
Do you think we should bet against them?
I'd bet my entire college fund on it.
You got it.
Moe, $23 on New York.
MAN: Start spreading the news.
It's New York over Philadelphia, 35 to 10.
-Yay! -Yay!
Dad, I hate to break the mood
but I'm getting nauseous.
Oh, sorry.
So, who do you like in the afternoon games?
Well, I like the 49ers because they're pure of heart,
Seattle because they got something to prove,
and the Raiders because they always cheat.
In an extremely suspicious play
the Raiders win!
Three for three!
Hey, the new sign's really working.
It's been a madhouse, Lisa.
Let's see...
Football... football...
homoeroticism in...
oddball Canadian rules...
Phyllis George in...
Oh, doctor, what a finish!
The final score-- Atlanta 17, Houston 13.
and the lowly Falcons are flying high.
Who would have thunk it?
My daughter, that's who.
Yeah, me.
Lisa, you pick the winner every time.
You must have some kind of special gift.
Come on Dad. It doesn't take a genius
to realize that Houston's failed to cover their last ten outings
on away turf the week after scoring more
than three touchdowns in a conference game.
My little girl says the cutest things.
You know, Dad, Sunday is fast becoming
my favorite day of the week.
Not Sunday-- Daddy-Daughter Day.
The usual, Moe--
a beer... and a wad of bills!
Okay...
(quietly) You lucky moron.
Here you go, Homer, $135.
I used to hate the smell of your sweaty feet.
Now it's the smell of victory.
Oh, shut up.
(Marge gasps)
Look at these prices. We could finally get rid
of those termites for the cost of this meal.
Tut-tut, only the best for my family.
Homer, I can't help wondering where you're getting the money from?
Mom, can't a man do something nice for his loved ones?
I guess so.
(both laughing)
Hello, I'm Marco, I'll be your waiter.
Hello, I'm Homer, I'll be your customer.
(all laughing)
Never heard that one before.
Would you care to select the wine?
I'll do the honors.
No, no, no, no.
My God!
What passes for a wine list these days?
Marco, just bring us your freshest bottle of wine.
Chop, chop. (all giggle)
Charming lad.
Oh, violin guy.
What's your favorite song, Lisa?
-"The Broken Neck Blues." -Play on.
(playing "Broken Neck Blues")
ANNOUNCER: It is the playoffs.
It's five below.
and there's one loyal fan wearing nothing but a G-string.
And the team colors painted on his body.
ANNOUNCER 2: He doesn't look too happy.
ANNOUNCER: Well, maybe the paint has shut off his pores and he's slowly suffocating.
Still, that is a real fan.
Well Lisa, it's Daddy-Daughter Day,
and Daddy needs daughter's picks.
Dad, I'm making the Chiefs
my five-star, silver bullet special.
And with your blessing, I'd like to tie it to the Cowboys
plus five at Chicago.
Good, good. You call Moe.
Moe, this is L.S. calling for H.S.
Just give me the bet, Lisa.
110, 120...
You lucky son of a...
Hey Homer, you want to go bowling next Sunday?
Barney, are you nuts? That's the Super Bowl.
How about the Sunday after that?
Well, my ma's coming in from Norway
but what the hell. (belching)
And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore,
that was the happiest day of my life.
Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.
Lisa Simpson, would you like to read your essay?
The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago
I was sitting on my Daddy's knee when the Saints--
who are four and a half point favorites, but only up by three--
kicked a meaningless field goal
at the last second to cover the spread.
Dear God!
Oh, Dad! You must have bought me
every Malibu Stacy accessory there is.
Not quite.
They were out of Malibu Stacy lunar rovers.
Ooh, perfume!
"Meryl Streep's Versatility."
Boy, I know you're going to like your present.
Shut up! Shut up! Kiss my butt!
Shut up! Go to hell! Go to hell!
Dad, I promise you,
I will never get tired of this.
Homer, those were very thoughtful presents
but you have to tell me where you got the money from.
Alright Marge, I'll tell you,
but first you have to promise you will not get mad.
I promise I will get mad
because I always do when you make me promise I won't.
Alright, if you must know,
Lisa and I have been gambling on pro football.
Homer!
You promised you wouldn't get mad.
I did not. I promised I would get mad.
She's an eight-year-old girl!
Marge, she never loses. She's got a gift.
Aren't parents supposed to encourage their kids
whenever they show talent?
But gambling is illegal.
Oh, only in 48 states.
Besides, it's a victimless crime.
The only victim is Moe
and it's brought Lisa and me together.
I just don't know.
Look, what's the problem?
The kids are happy, you smell like Meryl Streep
and I got that foot massager I've always wanted.
Believe me, Marge, nothing bad could possibly come of this.
You know, Dad,
we've been watching a lot of TV lately.
Maybe the Sunday after the Super Bowl
we could hike up to the top of Mt. Springfield.
The fires in the tire yards really make for some beautiful sunsets.
That sounds great honey, but next Sunday I'm going bowling with Barney.
What about Daddy-Daughter Day?
Don't worry. The new football season is only seven months away.
So that's it.
You just wanted me to help you gamble.
You never wanted to be with me at all.
(sobbing)
You're a very selfish man.
Go to hell! Go to hell!
Hey, once again, great present, Dad.
Uh... uh...
My third husband bought me this.
Give me some chips for it.
Are you sure Ma'am?
Don't tell me what to do Sonny.
I've been gambling since I was eight
and I've been hocking jewelry since I was 12.
Now give me some chips.
(gasps)
Look around you, Malibu Stacy.
All this was bought with dirty money.
Your penthouse, your Alfa-Romeo, your collagen-injection clinic.
You're going back into the shoebox.
It may not be pretty
but damn it, it's honest.
I, Lisa Simpson
am hereby giving away
all my ill-gotten Malibu Stacy accessories!
(screaming)
Ahh!
(clamoring)
Look Lisa, I bought you
a Malibu Stacy chinchilla coat.
-Ooh! -Huh?
So you've come to buy my forgiveness.
Sorry, Homer.
Lisa, honey, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.
but I really had a good time watching football with you
and I think you had a good time with me.
Yeah, I did.
Well, come on, we can still watch the Super Bowl together
can't we? Huh?
(both giggling)
Well, I would like to see what the fuss is about.
It's a date.
So...
Do you think the Redskins will beat the spread?
Put me down.
Look Dad, I'll tell you who's going to win the Super Bowl if you want me to,
but it will just validate my theory
that you cared more about winning money
than you did about me.
Okay.
I think Washington is a mortal lock.
Washington! Whoo-hoo!
However...
However? What however? What do you mean 'however'?
However what?
However, I may also be so clouded with rage
that subconsciously I want you to lose.
In which case, I'd bet the farm on Buffalo.
Lisa, do me a favor. Complete this sentence:
Daddy should bet all his money on...
-I don't know. -Oh!
If I still love you, Washington.
If I don't, Buffalo.
Homer, I think that chip's got enough dip on it.
We're live from the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome
and Super Bowl 26.
Today we're going to be seen
by people in 150 countries all over the world
including our newest affiliate, W-Gimel-Aleph-Nun
in Tel Aviv.
Stupid!
(Jerry Lewis squealing) Sorry...
(both laughing)
Formidable.
(Lisa playing "Broken Neck Blues")
Oh, every note is like a dagger in my heart.
I got to get out of here.
Moe's Tavern.
Home of the Super Sunday Brunch Spectacular.
Ohh! Baloney.
Bread!
Got you down for 40 bucks.
Good luck, Your Eminence.
Sorry, Homer, you can't take any more of my money.
I'm out of the bookie business.
But Moe, you've been taking bets all...
-Hey, Barney, how 'bout a free beer. -Wow!
Don't worry, Moe, I'm not betting.
-What? Give me that. -Aw.
I had the greatest gift of all--
a little girl who could pick football--
and I ruined it.
Well, sir, we're two hours
and 45 minutes into the pregame show,
and we've got ourselves a special guest--
Actor Troy McClure,
whose new sitcom is premiering tonight
coincidentally enough, right after the game!
Thanks, Bret.
My new show's called "Handle With Care."
I play Jack Handle, a retired cop
who shares an apartment with a retired criminal.
We're the original Odd Couple.
What made you want to do a situation comedy?
Well I fell in love with the script, Bret.
And my recent trouble with the IRS sealed the deal.
Great, great, Troy.
Ooh! Looks like
we're almost ready for the kickoff.
Washington kicks.
Oh, it's a bad kick, way too short.
Buffalo is going to start with excellent field position.
Buffalo's going to win.
Lisa hates me.
What you got riding on this game?
My daughter.
(whistles) What a gambler.
And with the score at the half--
Buffalo 14, Washington 7--
it's time for the never-tedious Super Bowl halftime show.
People of Earth, we've come ten billion light-years
to bring you this halftime message of peace.
♪ One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock ♪
♪ Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock ♪
♪ Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock ♪
♪ We're gonna rock around the world tonight ♪
Oh, this sucks.
Come on, snipers, where are you?
Bart, who's winning?
You-hate-Dad is up by a touchdown.
(sighing)
ALL: Go! Go! Go! Go! Yay!
ANNOUNCER: It's a touchdown for halfback Dan Beerdorf.
Duff Dry has won the Duff Bowl.
They wanted it more.
Hey, Homer, didn't you say if Duff Dry wins,
your daughter loves you?
Not Duff Dry, Washington.
Okay, okay, they're both great teams.
-Yay! -Yay!
Huh?
Touchdown, Redskins.
All right, we're back in business.
Well, I'm glad some people
could resist the lures of the big game.
Oh, my God! I forgot the game!
So, with three ticks left on the clock,
it all comes down to this one play.
If Washington scores here, happy fans will be looting
and turning over cars in our nation's capitol tonight.
Here's the handoff..
Please, please, please.
Touchdown!
Stick a cork in this one, it is done!
The Washington Redskins win Super Bowl 26!
I guess you love Dad.
I suspected as much.
Yes! She loves me, she loves me.
What are you so happy about, Homer?
You didn't win any money.
Money comes and money goes, but what I have with my daughter
can go on for eight more years!
(Homer panting)
Come on, Dad!
(panting)
It's beautiful.
Isn't it, though?
After I catch my breath...
can we go home?
(whistle blows)
♪♪
(whistle blows)
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.