1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:06,631 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:09,217 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,593 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,929 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,569 (engine sputters) 6 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,404 Hey, what gives? 7 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:31,698 You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc, Jimmy. 8 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:34,159 Well, now your car has no battery. 9 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,202 But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by six. 10 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,955 I better give her a call. 11 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,331 (yawning) 12 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,168 (stuck dial tone) 13 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:44,836 Sorry, Jimmy. 14 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,255 Without zinc for the rotary mechanism 15 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:48,840 there are no telephones. 16 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:49,841 Dear God. 17 00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:51,342 What have I done? 18 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,305 (clicking) 19 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,931 Think again, Jimmy. 20 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,309 You see, the firing pin in your gun was made of... 21 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,352 yup... zinc. 22 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,354 Come back, zinc. 23 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,231 Come back! 24 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,150 Come back. 25 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,360 Zinc, come back. 26 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:10,361 Zinc! 27 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,362 Zinc, zinc! 28 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,655 What? 29 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,825 Oh, it was all a dream. 30 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,412 Thank goodness I still live in a world of telephones 31 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:22,624 car batteries, handguns, and many things 32 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:23,875 made of zinc. 33 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,211 Gross! He's picking his nose. 34 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,629 (students laughing) 35 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:30,298 -Hmph! -(bell ringing) 36 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:32,550 {\an8}If anyone wants to learn more about zinc, 37 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,177 {\an8}they're welcome to stay. 38 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,096 {\an8}We can talk about anything. 39 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:39,891 {\an8}I'll do your homework for you. 40 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,601 {\an8}(groans) 41 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:47,357 {\an8}"Chef Lonely Heart's Soup for One." 42 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,442 {\an8}One scratch and win, Apu. 43 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,819 {\an8}Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you 44 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,570 {\an8}since we doubled our prices. 45 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:53,905 {\an8}Still teaching? 46 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,031 {\an8}Let's see. 47 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,618 {\an8}One more day at least. 48 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,328 {\an8}(engine sputtering) 49 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,457 {\an8}Bingo, bango, sugar in the gas tank. 50 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,251 {\an8}Your ex-husband strikes again. 51 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,303 Mm... 52 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,264 Mm... 53 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,265 Hmm? 54 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,683 A personal ad? 55 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:22,684 Why not? 56 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:23,893 It might be fun. 57 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,978 Kind of a lark. 58 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,313 (phone ringing) 59 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,357 Come on, come on. 60 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,109 Answer the phone. 61 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,277 I need a man! 62 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,489 (loud talking) 63 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,408 Ow, my eyeball! 64 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,410 (laughter) 65 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,121 Enough, people. 66 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,497 People? 67 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,916 All right. 68 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,295 You know, I can wait just as long as you. 69 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:53,047 (noise continues) 70 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,549 Knock it off! 71 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,217 Now, boys and girls, 72 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,303 let's welcome our very special guest, 73 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,764 Ted Carpenter from the Twirl King Yo-yo Company. 74 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,267 (smattering of applause) 75 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,644 Kids, this is a yo-yo. 76 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,313 Kind of dull, huh? 77 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,982 Not much competition for a video game... 78 00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,650 or is it? 79 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:17,822 Presenting the Twirl King Champions! 80 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,241 Mr. Amazing! 81 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,743 Sparkle! 82 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,124 She's beautiful. 83 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,667 Zero gravity! 84 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,381 The Cobra! 85 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,970 These guys must be millionaires. 86 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,723 I'll bet they get all kinds of girls. 87 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,684 I question the educational value of this assembly. 88 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,770 Hey, it will be one of their few pleasant memories 89 00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,647 when they're pumping gas for a living. 90 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:55,693 ♪ This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius ♪ 91 00:03:55,777 --> 00:04:01,157 ♪ Age of Aquarius ♪ 92 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,451 ♪ Aquarius... ♪ 93 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,286 (cheering) 94 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,289 Now, for our next stunt, what do you say 95 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,708 -we get your principal up here? -No. 96 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,335 (cheering) 97 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,589 Careful now.... Ohh! 98 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,799 That one grazed my ear. 99 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,050 Don't move. 100 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,385 -You could really get hurt. -Oh. 101 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,053 How much do those yo-yo's cost? 102 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:23,471 I don't care. 103 00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:25,974 (kids shouting good-byes) 104 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:26,975 Wow! 105 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,434 Thanks, Sparkle. 106 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,435 Wait... 107 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,478 This isn't you. 108 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,230 That's the old Sparkle. 109 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,564 All right, get your worthless butts in the van. 110 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:34,607 We got three more schools to do. 111 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,901 C'mon, let's go, go, go! 112 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,197 (shouting good-byes) 113 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,416 That's your trick? 114 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:54,419 No. Here's my trick. Hoowah! 115 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:55,420 (laughing) 116 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,839 {\an8}(gasping) 117 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,509 -Whoa! -Whoa! 118 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:02,468 Thank you. Thank you. 119 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,596 Marge, come here. 120 00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,310 Can you believe it? 121 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,103 Pretty soon, I'll be able to quit my job 122 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,604 and live off the boy. 123 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,356 What? Name me one person 124 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,900 who's gotten rich by doing yo-yo tricks. 125 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,528 (thinking) Donald Trump? No. 126 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,447 Arnold Palmer? No. 127 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,907 Bill Cosby? No. 128 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,117 D'oh! 129 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,744 "After two months at sea, 130 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,329 the Pilgrims were running out of food and water." 131 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,455 Yes, Nelson? 132 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,248 Did they have any yo-yos? 133 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,958 No, they did not have yo-yos. 134 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,793 "When they landed at Plymouth Rock, 135 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,629 they were greeted by the friendly Wompanog Indians." 136 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,340 Did the Indians have yo-yos? 137 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,258 No, they did not have yo-yos! 138 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,344 That's it! I am sick and tired 139 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,845 of talking about yo-yos. 140 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,847 From now on, I will not accept any book report 141 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,807 science projects, dioramas, 142 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,852 or anything else on yo-yos, or yo-yo related topics. 143 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,520 Am I making myself clear? 144 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,731 Yo. (laughs) 145 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,982 Hey, Bart, 146 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,525 got any new tricks for us today? 147 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,194 Just one. 148 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:04,030 A little something I call "Plucking the Pickle." 149 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,990 I build up a little steam, and... 150 00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:08,451 (gasps) 151 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,914 I didn't do it. 152 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,750 Don't worry about your wee fish, lass. 153 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:19,253 They're going to a better place. 154 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,671 (toilet flushing) 155 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,215 Bart, that's one month's detention. 156 00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:24,300 Mrs. Krabappel, we're all upset 157 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,595 by the untimely deaths of Stinky and Wrinkles 158 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:28,846 but life goes on. 159 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,599 So, if I could just have my yo-yo back... 160 00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,267 Bart, if I were you, and you were me, 161 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,894 would you give back the yo-yo? 162 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:37,688 Here you go... just kidding. 163 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:38,731 Here you go... 164 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,691 Just kidding. 165 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,068 (chuckling) 166 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,653 Well, would you? 167 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:44,654 Absolutely. 168 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:45,655 P-hih! 169 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,996 What's eating you, woman? 170 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,832 Your personal ad said you wanted a man. 171 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,084 You got yourself a hum-dinger. 172 00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,836 I don't know. I guess I expected 173 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,796 something different from your photo. 174 00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,506 Don't let my age fool you. 175 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,883 Just because there's a little snow on the roof... 176 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,635 I forget how the rest of that goes. 177 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,430 One month's detention. 178 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,931 She'll pay for this. 179 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,350 Yup, there's your problem. 180 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,228 Someone jammed a Malibu Stacy head down here. 181 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:20,022 Edna, happy hour in the teacher's lounge. 182 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,316 Just a sec. 183 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,403 Hmm. 184 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,366 Huh? 185 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,869 "One plus one equals two?" 186 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:44,922 "Write Edna K. Box 402." 187 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:50,094 Hmm. 188 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,971 Dear Edna... 189 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,474 I never answered a personal ad before 190 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,894 but I found yours irresistible. 191 00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,813 My name is... 192 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:05,485 SEXY MALE VOICE: Woodrow. 193 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,944 I like holding hands 194 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,697 and dinner by candlelight 195 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,783 and oh, yes, I really hate yo-yos. 196 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,952 Oh, Woodrow! 197 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,245 (yeowling) 198 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,876 Maybe we should let the dog in. 199 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,545 Marge, dogs love the outdoors. 200 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:28,090 (whimpering) 201 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,592 MARGE: I think he needs a doghouse. 202 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,010 Yeah, but what are ya' gonna do? 203 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:34,138 I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for $50. 204 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:37,350 Marge, you're a tool of the doghouse makers. 205 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,601 I am not. 206 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:39,852 Yes, you are. 207 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,103 You've been brainwashed 208 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,148 by all those doghouse commercials on TV. 209 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,734 I know. I'll build him a doghouse. 210 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:48,110 Oh, I don't know. 211 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,029 Don't worry. 212 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,031 I just drew up a little blueprint. 213 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:53,866 Let me walk you through it. 214 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,326 This is a door. 215 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:56,994 He goes through that-- 216 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,788 This is a roof. 217 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,249 And this happy character here is the Sun. 218 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,001 He shines down on the house, see? 219 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,086 How was detention today, dear? 220 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,671 Oh, not bad. 221 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:09,006 I'm starting to get the hang of the floor-waxer. 222 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,760 Yes! 223 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,428 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Dear Woodrow, 224 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,930 I must admit I'm intrigued. You're not like 225 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,515 the other men I've met. 226 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,851 Yeah, I'm the 28th president of the United States. 227 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,187 But I've had some bad experiences with these ads. 228 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,774 So, I'd like to learn more about you, please write back soon. 229 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,903 Here's a photo that will get your pencil moving. 230 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,656 You've got a date with the Xerox machine. 231 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,324 (grunting and groaning) 232 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,659 Stupid lumber. 233 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,035 Damn it! 234 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,161 D'oh! I-- 235 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,372 Oh, the hell with this! 236 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,667 A fellow came in to the store today, asked for change for a dollar. 237 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,253 Well, sir, I gave him three quarters by mistake. 238 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,338 Took me the whole afternoon to track him down. 239 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,881 Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables? 240 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:51,882 Hell no. 241 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:52,883 (gasping) 242 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,385 What did you say? 243 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,262 I said, I don't want any damn vegetables. 244 00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,972 All right, that's it, young man! 245 00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,974 No Bible stories for you tonight. 246 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:03,269 (crying) 247 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,854 Weren't you a little hard on him? 248 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:05,896 Well, you knew I had a temper 249 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,231 when you married me. 250 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,234 Ned Flanders is on the phone. 251 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,362 Oh, if this is about that stupid quarter again, I... 252 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,615 Hello, Ned. 253 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:19,285 Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy... 254 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,078 Our son Todd just told us 255 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,580 he didn't want to eat his "damn vegetables." 256 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:25,249 Well, you know kids and vegetables. 257 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,542 What was it, asparagus? 258 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,710 No, no, Reverend. 259 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,253 The point is he said a bad word. 260 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,921 Oh. Oh, right. 261 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:34,091 Well, kids usually pick these things up from someplace. 262 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,803 Find out who's doing it and uh, direct them to the Bible. 263 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,221 Where in the Bible? 264 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,599 -Uh... page 900. -But, Rev-- 265 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,310 Damn Flanders. 266 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,022 Hey, Lis, a moment of your time. 267 00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,440 Yeah? 268 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,025 Suppose I was writing a second letter to a girl 269 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,818 and I already used up my "A" material. 270 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,362 What should I say? 271 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,946 Ooh, could it be there's a special someone 272 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,156 you're not telling me about? 273 00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,282 Oh please! 274 00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,283 -Is it Teri? -No. 275 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,618 -Is it Sheri? -No! 276 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,411 Is it that girl with the lazy eye patch? 277 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,746 No! 278 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,247 Is it that exchange student Mix-pa? 279 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,249 No! It's not for me. 280 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,334 It's... homework. 281 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:09,794 Sure it is. 282 00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:12,463 Hey, Bart, let's do some homework. 283 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,048 (kissing) 284 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,966 (groans) 285 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,345 Golly, Sergeant Carter, I can't fix your Jeep, 286 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:21,639 but maybe this will make it up to you. 287 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:25,976 (deep baritone) ♪ Galveston, oh, Galveston... ♪ 288 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,853 Is this all he watches? 289 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,064 He used to watch "Davy and Goliath" 290 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,607 but he thought the idea of a talking dog 291 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,652 was blasphemous. 292 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,737 Hey, Mom, did you save the love letters Dad sent you? 293 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,031 Of course I saved them. 294 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,700 Well, actually, there's only one 295 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,243 and it's more 296 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:44,370 of a love postcard from some brewery he visited. 297 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,040 HOMER: "Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, 298 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,543 "but you've got a butt that won't quit. 299 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,504 They got these big, chewy pretzels here..." 300 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,005 (slurring speech) 301 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,633 "...five dollars?! Get outta here." 302 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,469 Wow, a side of Dad I've never seen! 303 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,762 (sighs) 304 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,556 Penny for your thoughts, Miss K. 305 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,057 I was just thinking... 306 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,892 You wouldn't be interested. 307 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,644 Try me. Sometimes it helps to talk. 308 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,020 (hawks and spits) 309 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,565 Well, I was just wishing I could meet a man 310 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,818 who likes the way I look first thing in the morning 311 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,737 -Laughs at my jokes... -Uh-huh. 312 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,488 -Can fix my car. -Oh, yeah. 313 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:24,660 BART: "Dear Edna, your photo took my breath away. 314 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:28,289 WOODROW: "Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit. 315 00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,416 "Yesterday morning, 316 00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,002 "I put your picture up in my garage 317 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,838 to inspire me while I gapped my spark plugs." 318 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,590 (moans and glugs) 319 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,008 At last, we've built the mission. 320 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,969 Finally, the villagers have a place to pray. 321 00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:44,597 ♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪ 322 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,599 ♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪ 323 00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:49,018 ♪ We shall come rejoicing... ♪ 324 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,187 ♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪ 325 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,855 Well, he's not getting it from his brother 326 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,482 that's for darn sure. 327 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,609 HOMER: Damn crappy nails! 328 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:58,444 Super Glue, my butt! 329 00:12:58,527 --> 00:12:59,445 (gasps) 330 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,738 D'oh! You bas-- 331 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,531 Hit it! Shot! D'oh! 332 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,657 Homer? 333 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,493 What is it, Flanders? 334 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,495 I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you. 335 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:11,207 Look, if it's about your camcorder, I lost it, okay? 336 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:15,085 No, I came to talk to you about your potty mouth. 337 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,921 What the hell are you talking about? 338 00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,673 Look, Homer, all of us pull a few boners now and then-- 339 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,718 go off half-cocked, make asses of ourselves. 340 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,554 So, I don't want to be hard on you but 341 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,848 I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys. 342 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,934 Oh, come on now, Flanders. 343 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:33,521 I don't complain about your... 344 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,105 moustache. 345 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,358 What's wrong with my moustache? 346 00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,569 Uh, it makes you look like you got something to hide. 347 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,737 What? 348 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,114 People are talking. Lots of people. 349 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,700 Okay, Mister, you've got yourself a deal. 350 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,702 I'll shave off the soup-strainer 351 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,955 if you give the sailor talk the old heave-ho, okay? 352 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,874 Aye, aye... Admiral Butthead. 353 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,709 ANNOUNCER: We now return to 354 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,587 "Two for Tunisia" on Colorization Theater. 355 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,965 Ah, my love. 356 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:04,218 A million poets could try for a million years 357 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:07,012 and still describe but three-eighths of your beauty. 358 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,682 Whoa, slow down, Frenchy. 359 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,350 This stuff is gold. 360 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:15,271 Wow! "A million poets working for a million years..." 361 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,856 You're so lucky. 362 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:17,940 When are you going to meet him? 363 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,526 First, I ask him to send a photo. 364 00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:21,610 If he's got everything where it should be 365 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,611 I'm reeling him in. 366 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:26,073 (laughing) 367 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,910 Strap on your skates, Gordie. 368 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,204 You're going in. 369 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,832 Hey, Marge, do you want to hear something funny? 370 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,585 Flanders thinks I swear too much. 371 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,545 (giggling) 372 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,005 Marge, you're not laughing. 373 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,798 Well, you know, maybe he's right. 374 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,675 Well, what a surprise. 375 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,385 Marge sticks up for Flanders. 376 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,470 Can we have one conversation 377 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,181 where you don't bring up your hero Ned Flanders? 378 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,641 Actually Homer, you brought up Ned Flanders. 379 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,767 Look, we're past that. 380 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,270 Marge! Maybe I do curse a little, 381 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:59,356 but that's the way God made me, and I'm too old to stop now. 382 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,774 No, you're not. 383 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,484 When my father got out of the Navy, 384 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,570 he used to curse a blue streak. 385 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:07,114 It almost cost him his job as a baby photographer. 386 00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:10,951 So my Mom put a swear jar in the kitchen. 387 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,786 Every time he said a bad word, 388 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,289 he put in a quarter. What do you think? 389 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,790 Well, Marge, 390 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,710 self-improvement has always been a passion of mine. 391 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:23,005 Bring on the swear jar. 392 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,049 Do I have to pay if I hit my hand with a hammer? 393 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,091 Yes, Homer. 394 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,843 -What if I catch on fire? -No, Homer. 395 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,678 What if I see something really weird in the sky? 396 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:30,763 Yes, Homer. 397 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,891 -What about when we snuggle? -Hmm... that's okay. 398 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:37,853 MISS KRABAPPEL: "Dear Woodrow, it's time for us to meet. 399 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,022 "Why don't we go out to dinner? 400 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,858 And afterward, we can go to my apartment for some home cookin'." 401 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,610 Huh? 402 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,028 Ay, caramba! 403 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,906 "Hungrily yours, Edna." 404 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,240 Well, she's dangled on the line long enough. 405 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,743 It's time to boat this bass. 406 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:57,915 "When I read your letters, I feel as if you are right here watching me." 407 00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,209 -Bart! Eyes down. -Yes, Ma'am. 408 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,586 BART: "Edna, every second until we meet 409 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,922 "stabs me like a thousand needles. 410 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,882 WOODROW: "Join me at the Gilded Truffle this Saturday at 8:00. 411 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,094 "Perhaps later we will smooch up a storm. 412 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:12,805 Sexily yours, Woody." 413 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,687 (laughing) 414 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,655 (laughing) 415 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:30,781 (Bart sighing) 416 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:31,740 Huh? 417 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,495 (crying) 418 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:43,085 Oh, I can't help but feel partly responsible. 419 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,593 -Homer, that was a 20. -Da-- 420 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,058 Oh, you son of a-- 421 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,355 Homer, I owe you one, buddy. 422 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,607 No sooner had I shaved off the old cookie duster 423 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,818 than a lady cast me in a commercial. 424 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,946 I tell ya' the way these checks keep coming in-- it's almost criminal. 425 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,072 You dirty bast-- 426 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,160 What do you think, Lisa? 427 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,162 How's the dog supposed to get in? 428 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,830 Well, he just goes... 429 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:20,831 Ohh! 430 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,792 (snoring) 431 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,711 (screams) 432 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,758 (sighing) 433 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:33,385 Oh, Woodrow, how could you stand me up? 434 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,096 Mrs. K., whoever this guy is, you don't need him. 435 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,848 There are plenty of good men around. 436 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,141 Name one. 437 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,309 What's wrong with Principal Skinner? 438 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,102 Seymour? Hmph. 439 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:44,772 Let's just say his mommy won't let him out to play. 440 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,857 What about Coach Fortner? 441 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,233 Glug, glug, glug, glug... 442 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,985 Wow. 443 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,321 What about Groundskeeper Willy? 444 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,032 Ugh! I'm not even gonna tell you what that guy's into. 445 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,952 Bart, you are the closest thing to a man in my life. 446 00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:02,998 And that's so depressing, I think I'm going to cry. 447 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,752 (sobbing) 448 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,921 (groaning) 449 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,048 Aah..! 450 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:14,009 Oh, fudge... that's broken. 451 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,761 Fiddle-dee-dee. 452 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,680 That will require a tetanus shot. 453 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,641 I'm not going to swear 454 00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,142 but I am going 455 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,394 to kick this doghouse down! 456 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,814 (ranting) 457 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,149 Dad, this is not a commentary on your skills, 458 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,360 but we bought you a new doghouse. 459 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,028 Where'd you get the money? 460 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,322 There was more than enough in the swear jar, 461 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:38,951 and if you look inside the doghouse, there's a little surprise. 462 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,203 Maggie. 463 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,287 Oh, cute. 464 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,831 No, behind her. 465 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:44,832 (gasps) 466 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,876 Beer! How did you know? 467 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,672 Where's Maggie? Where's Maggie? 468 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,423 There's Maggie! 469 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,718 (makes raspberries on her belly) 470 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,512 Mom, this is a little ahead of schedule 471 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,973 but I need help with my love life. 472 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:04,685 Oh, my special little guy has a sweetheart. 473 00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:05,727 (snickering) 474 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,187 I knew it! 475 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,981 Alright Bart, who's your girlfriend? 476 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,023 Mrs. Krabappel. 477 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,859 -Hmm. -Hmm. 478 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,193 (whistles) 479 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,320 Bart, this is your teacher? 480 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,614 I should start going to parent's night. 481 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:18,615 (growls) 482 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,908 Homer! 483 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,869 Bart, you did a very cruel thing. 484 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,912 Boy, you've got to go to your teacher 485 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,330 and tell her the truth. 486 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,958 No, Homer. The truth would humiliate her. 487 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,878 Oh Marge, I only said it because I thought that's what you wanted to hear. 488 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,130 Maybe we should write her another letter 489 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:36,008 One that says good-bye, but let's her feel loved. 490 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,551 Step aside, everyone. 491 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,721 Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 492 00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:44,600 "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpville. 493 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,226 Population: you." 494 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,687 We'll all help. 495 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,356 "Though I'll be inoculating babies in Kampuchea, 496 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,983 my heart will always be with you." 497 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,234 That sucks. 498 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:57,029 How about "crocodiles bit off my face"? 499 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,947 That's disgusting, and besides, 500 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,741 when a woman loves a man, 501 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:02,951 it doesn't matter that a crocodile bit off his face. 502 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,579 I may hold you to that, Marge. 503 00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:09,666 Okay, okay. "I cannot see you for the next five years, 504 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,376 for I will be farming the ocean floor." 505 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,669 (buzzes) 506 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,546 "I must finish this letter quickly, 507 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,257 for I have only four minutes to live." 508 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:21,220 Three simple words: "I am gay." 509 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,931 Homer, for the last time, I am not putting that in. 510 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,350 "And anytime I hear the wind blow, 511 00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:29,061 it will whisper the name... Edna." 512 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,104 Oh, that's very good, Lisa. 513 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,065 "P.S.: I am gay." 514 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,816 (both groaning) 515 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,401 How shall we end it? 516 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,029 How about, "With a love that will echo through the ages." 517 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,447 -Aww. -Ooh! 518 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:41,698 That's sweet. 519 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,951 Homer, you old honey dripper. 520 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:46,370 Why, you little... hee, hee. 521 00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:58,924 Huh? 522 00:20:59,007 --> 00:20:59,967 Wait! 523 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,218 Wait! 524 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:07,224 WOODROW: "Dearest Edna, I must leave you. 525 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,101 "Why? I cannot say. 526 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,979 "Where? You cannot know. 527 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,730 "How I will get there? 528 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,983 "I haven't decided yet. 529 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,151 "But one thing I can tell you, 530 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,362 "any time I hear the wind blow, 531 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,031 it will whisper the name... Edna." 532 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,825 Ohh..! 533 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,036 (humming) 534 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,414 Bart, it's such a nice day today, 535 00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:32,040 let's have detention outside. 536 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,583 It's a date. 537 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,343 {\an8}(hockey arena organ playing) 538 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:49,558 {\an8}♪♪ 539 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,453 Shh! 540 00:22:54,664 --> 00:22:57,876 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.