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00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,672
{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(chalk screeches)
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(bell rings)
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(work whistle blows)
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-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
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(jazzy solo)
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(tires screech)
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D'oh!
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-Aah!
-(tires screech)
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00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,473
Now, class,
I promised you
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a surprise today.
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Wow!
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(sighing)
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I knew it!
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{\an8}And here it is.
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{\an8}We're going to take a test.
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{\an8}-Oh!
-(class groans)
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{\an8}We're going to take a test.
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{\an8}All right! A test!
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{\an8}It's called the Career Aptitude
Normalizing Test--
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00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,080
{\an8}or "CAN'T."
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{\an8}Some of you may discover
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{\an8}a wonderful vocation
you never even imagined.
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{\an8}Others may find out
life isn't fair.
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{\an8}In spite of your masters
from Bryn Mawr,
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{\an8}you might end up a glorified
baby-sitter
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{\an8}to a bunch of
dead-eyed fourth graders
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{\an8}while your husband runs naked
on a beach with your marriage counselor!
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{\an8}(clears throat)
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{\an8}First question--
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{\an8}"If I could be any animal,
I would be:
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{\an8}"A) A carpenter ant.
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{\an8}"B) A nurse shark.
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{\an8}Or C) A lawyer bird."
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Question 60--
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"I prefer the smell of:
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"A) Gasoline.
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"B) French fries.
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Or C) Bank customers."
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Well, that was
a waste of time.
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Janie, school is never
a waste of time.
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Since we have 15 minutes
until recess,
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please put down your pencils
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and stare
at the front of the room.
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Here for the tests.
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(bells ringing)
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(bells ringing wildly)
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(electrical sputtering)
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Come on, Emma.
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(bells ringing)
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MAN: Here's your scientifically
selected career.
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-Architect!
-Mm-hmm.
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-Insurance salesman.
-Mm-hmm.
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Salmon gutter?
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Military strongman!
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Systems analyst, systems analyst,
systems analyst.
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Systems analyst.
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All right!
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Homemaker?
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Mm-hmm. It's like a mommy.
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Police officer?
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Well, I'll be jiggered.
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(chuckles) If you'd like to learn more,
I could arrange for you
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to ride along in a police car
for a night.
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Hey! I don't need you to get me
in the back of a police car.
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I really think you should
consider this.
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You know, before I saw
these test results,
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I had you pegged as a drifter.
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Wow. A drifter.
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Lousy sheriff.
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Run me out of town.
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He's lost my vote.
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Cool.
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LISA:
A homemaker!
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I might as well be dead.
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Lisa, it's not that bad.
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So what are you gonna be, boy?
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Policeman.
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(choking)
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Oh, that's nice, Bart.
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You know, your father wanted
to be a policeman for a little while,
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but they said
he was too heavy.
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No, the Army said
I was too heavy.
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The police said
I was too dumb.
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Well, I'm going to be
a famous jazz musician.
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00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,577
I've got it all figured out:
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00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,454
I'll be unappreciated
in my own country,
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but my gutsy blues stylings
will electrify the French.
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00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,084
I'll avoid the
horrors of drug abuse,
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but I do plan to have
several torrid love affairs,
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00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,338
and I may or may not die young.
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00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,590
-I haven't decided.
-Honey, if that's what you want,
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-we'll do anything we can to help.
-Wait a minute.
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Isn't anybody going
to follow in my footsteps?
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(crickets chirping)
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(wolf howling)
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Can you tell me
if I have what it takes
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to be a blues musician?
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Sure can.
Show me your chops.
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(blues melody)
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Uh-huh.
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Yeah.
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Cool.
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00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,173
So, you think
she has talent?
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Sure.
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Do you think she could be
a professional someday?
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00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,345
Oh, Lord, no.
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But I'll practice every day.
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Yeah, well, I'll be
frank with you, Lisa,
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and when I say frank, I mean,
you know, devastating.
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You've inherited
a finger condition
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known as stubbiness.
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It usually comes
from the father's side.
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D'oh!
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Stupid fingers.
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You're wrong! You're wrong!
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You don't need long fingers
to play the blues.
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The blues come from in here.
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My God, they are stubby.
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(screams)
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Look, I didn't steal
that copper wire.
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I just thought
they were throwing it out.
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Here. Take it.
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Heh, no, no, sir.
We're here for your son.
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He's coming
on a ride-along.
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Good for you. Maybe this
will straighten the boy out.
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Wow! Can I see your club?
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00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,306
It's called a baton,
son.
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Oh. What's it for?
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We club people with it.
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Well! It's about time.
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So you guys
like being cops?
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Oh, it's great.
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You get to run red lights,
park wherever you please,
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hot-and-cold-running chicks.
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00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,198
And when you go home
at night,
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you know you've made
a difference.
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Hey Bart, you see
that Caddie over there?
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BART:
Uh-huh.
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That's Mayor Quimby's car.
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Tonight, His Honor is
polling the electorate.
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How would you like
a street named after you?
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(whistling)
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(scoffing)
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I tell you.
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They only come out at night.
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Dear log,
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this will be my last entry,
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for you were a journal
of my hopes and dreams,
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and now, I have none.
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(cocks gun)
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Do you need straight A's
to be a cop?
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(hearty laughter)
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Hey, fellas,
let's go shoot some bad guys.
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Whoa, it doesn't quite
work that way, son.
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People see movies like McBain,
and they think it's all
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bang-bang, shoot-'em-up
cops and robbers.
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(tires screeching)
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Let's roll.
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(siren wailing)
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One-ocean-tango.
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We're in pursuit
of a speeding individual
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driving a red... car,
license number
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eggplant-xerxes
crybaby-overbite-narwhal.
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Oh, no.
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Cops.
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Whoo. They used
nylon rope this time.
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It feels so smooth
against my skin--
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almost sensuous.
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(siren wailing)
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Ooh, baby.
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(screaming)
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Damn boxes.
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He's trapped.
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-Where's our backup?
-I don't know.
176
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,487
Son, this is against
every regulation
177
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,238
but would you cover us?
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BART:
Wow!
179
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,498
Huh?
180
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,337
(clicking)
181
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:26,797
(laughing)
182
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,508
See you in hell, punk.
183
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{\an8}(screaming)
184
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,021
See you in hell, punk!
185
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,232
(screaming)
186
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(glass breaking)
187
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(moaning)
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(sirens approaching)
189
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,988
Man, that was close.
190
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,949
Good thing this alley got
so narrow in the middle.
191
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(tires squealing)
192
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Well, that's nice work, boys.
193
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,915
Looks like
you just bought yourself
194
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:03,709
a lottery ticket,
to jail.
195
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,461
He's unconscious,
sir.
196
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,213
Oh, they can
still hear things.
197
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,673
Sir, I know
198
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,633
what I want to be
when I grow up-- a cop.
199
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,468
Well, until then, son
200
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,930
I'm gonna make you
an honorary police officer.
201
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,515
-Eddie, give him your badge.
-Hey!
202
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,853
Morning, honey.
203
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,480
What's so good
about being stuck
204
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,898
in the house
behind a stove?
205
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,401
Lisa, I know
you're down on homemaking
206
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,903
but it can really
let you be creative.
207
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,115
See? This morning I turned
bacon, eggs, and toast
208
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:36,617
into a nice smiley face
for Bart and Homer.
209
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,578
What's the point?
They'll never notice.
210
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,580
Oh, well,
you'd be surprised.
211
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,374
(chomping)
212
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,507
-Hmm, umm, hmm...
-(belches)
213
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:56,679
Now just relax your hand.
Thank you, ma'am.
214
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,639
You've been most cooperative.
215
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,519
(sniffing)
216
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,645
Bad dog!
217
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:05,646
(whines)
218
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,064
Very bad dog!
219
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,774
Mom, before
you blame the dog,
220
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,444
I think you should take a look
at these surveillance photos.
221
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:12,903
Oh.
222
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,447
Oh!
223
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,906
(groans)
224
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,200
Oh, Bart!
225
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,620
Oh. I don't know how
that got in there.
226
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,956
Lisa, why aren't you
at band practice?
227
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,583
I quit.
228
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:27,585
Honey, right now
you're discouraged
229
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,795
but deep down, you know
you love the saxophone.
230
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,465
I think you should stay
in the band.
231
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:35,509
If you think it's so great,
why don't you join the band?
232
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,512
Lisa... There are a lot
of people in the world
233
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,640
who like to tell you
what you can't do,
234
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,683
but they don't always know
what they're talking about.
235
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,021
You know what I want to be
when I grow up?
236
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:49,523
The girl
on the oatmeal box?
237
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,108
(laughing)
238
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,028
No. I'm going to be
an astronaut.
239
00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,572
-Women can't be astronauts.
-Why not?
240
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,074
They distract
the men astronauts
241
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,867
so they wouldn't keep
their minds on the road.
242
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:02,370
There will too be
women astronauts.
243
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,038
(laughing)
244
00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:05,039
It's true
245
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,540
and we'll all live
246
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,250
in cities on the Moon.
247
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,796
So, you see,
my sisters were wrong
248
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,714
except about
the cities on the Moon.
249
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,300
I was wrong about that, so...
250
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:19,845
Well, you can see
how anyone can be wrong.
251
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,639
(groans)
252
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:24,266
SKINNER:
Sleek, vigilant puma--
253
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,602
Principal of the mountains.
254
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,647
Hi, Lis.
255
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,565
Want to quiz me
on the vowels?
256
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,402
Janey, I'm about ready to chuck
the whole stinkin' alphabet.
257
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,361
Huh?
258
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:41,492
Lisa, what
are you doing?
259
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,577
That's
a bad-girl bathroom.
260
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,745
Duh!
261
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:49,417
You want to egg
Skinner's car?
262
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,876
Okay.
263
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,586
What are you
looking at?
264
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:53,587
Nothing.
265
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,214
Then get out.
266
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:56,924
'Cause we're figuring out
stuff to egg.
267
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:59,760
Okay, but if you really
want to honk Skinner off
268
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,096
I suggest you attack
the one thing
269
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:05,182
he truly believes in.
270
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,309
I saw some awful things
in 'Nam,
271
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:10,020
but you really have to wonder
at the mentality
272
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:13,524
that would desecrate
a helpless puma.
273
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,526
(scoffs)
I never thought I'd say this
274
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,319
but the no-goodniks
rule this school.
275
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,905
WILLIE:
Get your hands off me!
276
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,450
God, I could really use
a half day.
277
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:25,202
Think you're big men
with your handcuffs
278
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,203
and blasted Tasers!
279
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,997
Get him out of here.
280
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,250
I'll get you, Bart Simpson,
if it's the last thing I do!
281
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,002
Now what is this all about?
282
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,420
Well it's quite simple,
really.
283
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,797
I observed our friend,
Groundskeeper Willie,
284
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,799
burning leaves with
a blatant disregard
285
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:39,925
for our clean air laws.
286
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,594
Ha! Bart Simpson
287
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:42,887
on the side
of law and order?
288
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,389
Has the world gone topsy-turvy?
289
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,766
That's right, man.
290
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,851
I got my first taste
of authority
291
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,478
and I liked it.
292
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:51,979
Hmm.
293
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,856
Bart, there are a lot
of trouble makers
294
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,483
in this school,
295
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,860
and, Lord knows I can't
be everywhere at once.
296
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,570
Go on.
297
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:02,531
Look, let's can the euphemisms, huh?
No more bull spit.
298
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,949
How would you like to be
a hall monitor?
299
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,993
Wouldn't that mean
squealing on other kids?
300
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,620
That's the meat of it, yes.
301
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,996
Hmm...
302
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:11,957
{\an8}Now, Witness X
303
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,877
{\an8}would you please tell the court
what you saw?
304
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,712
{\an8}I'd be more than happy to.
(chuckles)
305
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,172
{\an8}I saw Mr. Montone there
306
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,299
seal the late
Mr. Palaccio in an oil drum
307
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,468
and roll him
off the pier.
308
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:23,719
I kill you!
309
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,096
Ay, caramba!
310
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,932
I don't know.
311
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,975
Oh, now...
you get to wear a sash.
312
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,185
(gasps)
313
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:34,021
You got yourself a narc.
314
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:37,024
Hey Jimbo, keeping your nose
clean, dude? Thatta boy.
315
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,901
Hey, Donna,
who loves you, baby?
316
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:41,862
(yelling)
317
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,447
Not in my hall, bub.
318
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,409
I think you've had enough,
sister.
319
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,453
Come on,
let's keep it moving.
320
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,039
Pink belly! Pink belly!
Pink belly!
321
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,499
All right, break it up, boys.
322
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,876
That belly ain't going
to get any pinker.
323
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,919
Okay.
324
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,462
-Wedgie!
-(grunts)
325
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,006
(boys laughing)
326
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,967
(painfully)
Thanks, Bart.
327
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,722
Bart's grades are up
a little this term,
328
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,641
but Lisa's are way down.
329
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:14,645
Oh, we always have one good kid
and one lousy kid.
330
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:16,856
Why can't both our kids
be good?
331
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,899
We have three kids,
Homer.
332
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,653
Marge, the dog
doesn't count as a kid.
333
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:24,363
No. Maggie.
334
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,657
Oh, yeah.
335
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,534
Now take some paste
and spread it
336
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:30,369
on the construction paper.
337
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:32,746
Ralph, are you eating
your paste?
338
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,290
(muffled:)
No, Miss Hoover.
339
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:37,960
Good. Now sprinkle
your sparkles on your paste.
340
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,880
Lisa, you're not sprinkling
your sparkles.
341
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:41,881
Shove it.
342
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:42,882
(gasps)
343
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,133
I have never seen
344
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,093
a good student
take such a slide.
345
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,346
Lisa, what are you
rebelling against?
346
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,973
What do you got?
347
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,939
...and she goes
"Lisa told Hoover to shove it."
348
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,858
And I'm, like,
"No way..."
349
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,359
And she's like "'Fraid so."
And I'm all "Whoa!"
350
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,360
And she's like--
351
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,528
Hey, Lisa, man.
352
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,447
I'm, like, so impressed.
353
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,992
When I was in second grade,
I was all "Hi there! I'm so good."
354
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:10,951
Want a smoke?
355
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,998
Uh... I'll smoke it in class.
356
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,666
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
357
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,877
Bart, you're doing
a bang-up job.
358
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,630
You know, before, there were
some corridors in this school
359
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:23,881
you'd just never go down.
360
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,341
Now I feel safe anywhere.
361
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,217
Every day
is a new fight, sir.
362
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,470
Bart, the school
is a police state.
363
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,096
Students are afraid
to sneeze.
364
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,223
I have you to thank.
365
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,017
Come with me.
366
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,603
Madre de dios!
367
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,064
The legends were true!
368
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,775
Yes, Bart, whenever a teacher
confiscates something
369
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:43,984
it ends up here.
370
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,527
Salacious halter tops,
371
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,947
complete collections
of Mad, Cracked,
372
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,531
and the occasional issue
of Crazy,
373
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,034
and this fake plastic derriere.
374
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,078
(laughing)
375
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,454
(grunts)
376
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,498
Now, to show my gratitude,
I want you
377
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,084
to help yourself
to an item of your choice.
378
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,253
All right!
379
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,798
Ooh, now you be careful
with that crossbow.
380
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,925
I will.
381
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,718
♪♪
382
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,936
Seymour.
This is an absence slip
383
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,771
signed by Nelson's mother,
384
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:22,648
and this is
Nelson's English homework.
385
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,985
Notice the identical
elongated loops on the D's.
386
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:29,697
Forgery!
So he didn't have leprosy.
387
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:37,162
This is a great day for me.
I thought I could never teach again.
388
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,664
Things have changed.
389
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:42,001
There will be no mockery
of your name, Mr. Glasscock.
390
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,595
Hey, Louis, watch this.
391
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,098
Ow! Bart, do something!
392
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,891
Let's go, Milhouse.
393
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,770
MILHOUSE: Sure, we have order--
but at what price?
394
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,734
Now let's correct
our homework exercises.
395
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:10,863
Lisa, what 19th century figure
was nicknamed Old Hickory?
396
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,115
I don't know. You?
397
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,533
(kids laughing)
398
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,661
Lisa, if you'd bothered
to do the assignment
399
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,080
you'd know the answer is...
400
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,499
The Battle of New Orleans...
401
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,877
I mean... Andrew Jackson.
402
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,005
Well, you're earning
your 18 grand a year.
403
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,215
(kids laughing)
404
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,885
(Lisa coughing)
405
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,094
Stupid Hoover.
406
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,096
Thinks she's so smart.
407
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:40,809
She wouldn't be so smart
without her teacher's edition.
408
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,954
(chuckling)
409
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:04,124
(distressed mumbling)
410
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,126
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
411
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,961
the unthinkable has happened.
412
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:11,048
Some sick, twisted individual
has stolen
413
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,258
every teacher's edition
in this school.
414
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,259
What do we do?
415
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,719
Declare a snow day!
416
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,513
Does anyone know
the multiplication table?
417
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,389
Please, please, don't panic.
418
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,600
They can smell fear.
419
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,811
Children, I know this is
highly irregular,
420
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,438
but for the rest of the day,
Martin will be teaching this class.
421
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,566
I will? But I wouldn't
know where to begin.
422
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,485
Just do it, brainiac.
423
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,821
Have I ever told you kids
about the '60s?
424
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:37,116
(kids clamoring)
425
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:41,411
I've got to get out of here.
426
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:44,081
Calm blue ocean,
calm blue ocean.
427
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,500
Calm blue ocean,
calm blue ocean.
428
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,210
I'm leaving the
profession again.
429
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,462
Oh, now Mr. Glasscock,
please reconsider.
430
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,089
Uh-uh.
431
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,090
(toilet flushing)
432
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,717
(whistling)
433
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,886
Bart, the police
haven't had any luck
434
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,930
finding the teacher's editions.
435
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:04,059
The dogs have picked up
the scent of books.
436
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,769
Send in
the battering ram.
437
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,689
Here we go.
438
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:11,024
We're going to have
to reorder every book.
439
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,735
Seymour,
I'll bet you a steak dinner
440
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,154
those books are still here.
441
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,030
All we have to do is
search every locker.
442
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,365
Bart, I'm not sure
random locker searches
443
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:20,033
are permitted
by the Supreme Court.
444
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,743
Pfft! Supreme Court.
445
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,078
What have they done
for us lately?
446
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,079
Let's move.
447
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,551
Hmm...
448
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:38,635
Baa!
449
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,896
(gasping)
450
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,168
(Bart gasps)
451
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,336
Lisa!
452
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:13,629
That's right.
453
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,380
It was I.
454
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,300
-Lis, why did you do it?
-Come on, Bart!
455
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,927
In your pre-fascist days,
456
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,679
you knew the giddy thrill
of futile rebellion.
457
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,598
Yeah, but even I had my limits.
458
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:27,434
You're looking
at expulsion for this.
459
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,186
I know! I know!
460
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,812
(sobbing)
461
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,025
(Skinner gasps)
462
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,401
The books!
463
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:40,280
Oh, answers! Answers!
464
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:44,326
Simpson, you've just saved
this school $120.
465
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:47,120
Who's behind
this monstrous crime?
466
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:51,124
-I am.
-(gasping)
467
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,002
SKINNER:
I've been so blind. In retrospect,
468
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,338
the signs all pointed
to a rogue hall monitor.
469
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,258
Sorry if I betrayed your
trust, Principal Sucker.
470
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:02,302
Now, Bart, in light of your
recent service to the school
471
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,304
I've decided to be lenient.
472
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,265
400 days detention.
473
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,391
400 days.
474
00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:09,393
I can do that
standing on my head.
475
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:11,103
All right, 500 days.
476
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:12,479
Ooh! Big man!
477
00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:13,981
600 days.
478
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,525
Maybe I'll just
shut my big mouth.
479
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,819
Let's go, Simpson.
480
00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:21,363
Bart, why did you
take the blame?
481
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,241
'Cause I didn't want you
to wreck your life.
482
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:27,160
You got the brains and the
talent to go as far as you want.
483
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:28,954
And when you do,
484
00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:31,164
I'll be right there
to borrow money.
485
00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,541
Oh, Bart.
486
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,835
(saxophone playing)
487
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,051
Sounding good, Lis.
488
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:54,104
{\an8}♪♪
489
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,166
Shh!
490
00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:02,547
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.