1 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:10,619 [short, indistinct sound bites] 2 00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,055 -Everyone... -[all singing] 3 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,057 -ANNOUNCER: ...was napping. -♪ 4 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,059 -Ahmed Adoody. -MARGE: Wait, there's... 5 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,191 -♪ My people. -...come down to the stu... 6 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,106 ♪ 7 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,195 [grunts] 8 00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:22,674 Steamed ham. 9 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,113 The cosmic ballet goes on. 10 00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:27,201 -Gigantism. -King of the world! 11 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:29,551 Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer. 12 00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,553 -It is? -What's his name? 13 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:33,120 Number Eight. 14 00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:35,339 Uh, I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 15 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:38,429 Why does Homer talk like Walter Matthau? 16 00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:41,258 [cello playing] 17 00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:45,697 Hey, Martin Princess. 18 00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:49,353 If you like that cello so much, why don't you marry it? 19 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:51,486 -No heckling. -Way to quash 'em, sir. 20 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,792 Hey, Skinner, if you like Chalmers so much, 21 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,142 why don't you marry him? 22 00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:56,708 Well, as the superintendent, 23 00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:58,580 he's married to all the principals. 24 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:00,582 Thank you. You've made the anniversary 25 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,367 of my wife's death even more depressing. 26 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:05,152 Who likes happy songs? 27 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:06,762 [cheering] 28 00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:09,156 Well, for those of you who didn't cheer, 29 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:12,942 here's a very sad song about the world today. 30 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:16,206 She loves me. She loves me not. 31 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:19,035 Oh, why do I always use flowers with two petals? 32 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,081 [melancholy saxophone music playing] 33 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,265 Simpson, pull the fire alarm. 34 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,614 You want me to embarrass my sister 35 00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:34,181 in front of the whole school? 36 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,225 No. 37 00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:37,227 I dared you. 38 00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:40,926 Don't do it, Bart. 39 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:43,015 Please. I love you. 40 00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:45,409 I'm not doing it. I'm refusing a dare. 41 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:48,369 You just signed your death warrant, Simpson. 42 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,197 And we're the witnesses. 43 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,374 All we need is a notary. 44 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:57,204 -ALL [chanting]: Notary. Notary. -We'll see. 45 00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:59,206 Oh, it's that kid who refused a dare. 46 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,729 His life is ruined. 47 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:03,427 I'm turning my back on you. 48 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,168 Hi, Bart. 49 00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,343 Simpson, I'd like to see you in my office. 50 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,823 Your parents are waiting. 51 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,346 KIDS: Whoa. 52 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:10,956 [singsongy]: Bart's got a dad. 53 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,958 Bart's got a dad. 54 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,395 I do not. 55 00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:18,225 Bart, I just want to say... 56 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:20,575 I'm so proud of you. 57 00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:23,012 Dad, do you think I did the right thing? 58 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,232 Of course, absolutely. 59 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,756 You did the worst thing any boy can do. 60 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,628 It's worse than wetting your pants while on Santa's lap, 61 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:32,978 and I've been on both sides of that one. 62 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,023 I'm sorry. 63 00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:37,026 Bart, you have to take a dare. 64 00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:38,984 -B-B-But what if it's...? -Any dare. 65 00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:41,378 Grampa, Dad says I have to take a dare. 66 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,337 I had Homer on a dare, 67 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,209 and as horrible as that worked out, I'd do that again. 68 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,342 Why did someone dare you to have Homer? 69 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,344 It was after the war; we needed babies. 70 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,563 Bart, I have a secret. 71 00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:55,218 I've never been happier to be your mother. 72 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,133 You're a good boy. 73 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,223 Mom, please. Somebody might hear you. 74 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:03,357 [both grunting] 75 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,272 [kids laughing] 76 00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,621 Oh, look at him! [squeals] 77 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:09,406 Ha-ha. Bart's mom wears a seat belt. 78 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:10,625 [laughter] 79 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,627 Let them laugh, Bart. 80 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,368 This is wonderful. 81 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:17,893 Every laugh turns into one more smoochie-poo from Mom. 82 00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,895 [smooching] 83 00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:21,505 Cut it out. 84 00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:22,767 [boat horn blows] 85 00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,031 Three cheers for the mama's boys. 86 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,164 Sorry to do this on Mother's Day! 87 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,731 [splashing] 88 00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:35,432 So, Simpson, word on the street is 89 00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,434 you're looking for a dare. 90 00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:39,306 Yeah, fine. 91 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,264 I need to get this monkey off my back. 92 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:43,179 Hey, how about that for a dare? 93 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,746 Putting a monkey on his back. 94 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,617 And after we're done, then what? 95 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:49,403 We have a monkey that's our permanent responsibility. 96 00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:52,362 Yeah, think ahead, dingus. 97 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:55,844 Simpson, I dare you to jump into the reservoir 98 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,498 from Dead Boy's Ledge. 99 00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,805 We'll be watching from Haw-Haw Heights. 100 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:05,680 Simpson, is that your kid? 101 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:07,421 Oh, my God. I've got to stop him! 102 00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:08,944 I dare you not to. 103 00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:10,511 Oh, uh, oh. 104 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,295 It was a joke, idiot. Get your kid. 105 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,166 [laughs] 106 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,646 [shrieks] Bart! 107 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,431 Do I really have to do this? 108 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:18,736 JIMBO: I dare you. 109 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,390 [echoing]: Dare you. Dare you. 110 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:22,392 Dare you. 111 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,133 I love Echo Canyon. 112 00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:26,178 Oh, this place sure has a lot of names. 113 00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:28,180 Cowabunga! 114 00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:29,225 [screams] 115 00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,881 We've done all we could. 116 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:33,882 Run! 117 00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,187 Beat it! 118 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,016 -[beeping] -He'll be fine. 119 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:41,585 -[chimes] -And my burrito's ready. 120 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:42,934 Mmm. 121 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:45,110 Your boy should wake up soon. Mmm. 122 00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,374 All right. This time, he's really done it. 123 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,463 We're gonna have to do something. 124 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,508 Change schools. Move. 125 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,467 Whatever it takes. 126 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,946 Mom? 127 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,732 -Sweetie, are you okay? -I am. 128 00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,952 Then why would you do such a stupid, stupid thing? 129 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:03,259 Marge, Marge. As someone who's fallen off 130 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,000 a cliff multiple times, 131 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,784 the best thing we can do 132 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:09,613 is teach him how to fall off cliffs. 133 00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,223 I just want to know, Bart. 134 00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:14,226 I had hope and now I don't. Why? 135 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,404 Please, O Lord. 136 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,493 Let him think of an awesome lie. 137 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:23,758 Well, when I was in the other world... 138 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:24,933 What other world? 139 00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,151 Hmm, hmm... 140 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,805 I'm not sure. 141 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:32,593 But it was joyful, clouds, harps, Abe Lincoln. 142 00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,159 Oh, my God, Marge! 143 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,552 I think our son went to heaven. 144 00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,162 Were there any other presidents? 145 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:39,513 -No. -It washeaven. What else, boy? 146 00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,166 I have a message for you, Mom. 147 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,168 -From who? -Jesus. 148 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,388 Don't say that if it's not true. 149 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:46,607 You have to believe him, Marge. 150 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,391 It's a deathbed confession. 151 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,001 He's not on his deathbed. 152 00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,830 The guy in the bed before him died. 153 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:56,791 Mom. Jesus said to tell you, "Things will get better." 154 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:59,533 Oh, I really want to believe that. 155 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,492 If you saw Jesus, did you see anything else? 156 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,581 I saw your dad, Grandpa Bouvier. 157 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:07,584 Tell me something he said that only I would know. 158 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,194 -He said... -HOMER: Hmm? 159 00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,500 ...he thinks Homer is an idiot. 160 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:11,849 [Marge gasps, Homer groans] 161 00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:14,896 Oh, my God, I can hear his voice through you. 162 00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,811 [crying]: Excuse me a minute. 163 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,290 Good work, boy. 164 00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,075 You got us off the hook in the short term, 165 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:23,034 which is all that ever matters. [grunts] 166 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,477 -Tell me more about heaven, son. -Jesus rides a rainbow horse. 167 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,479 Fascinating. Is the horse rainbow-colored? 168 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,698 Or does it walk on a rainbow? 169 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,874 Uh... rainbows come out its butt. 170 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,268 [gasps] Let me ponder that with joy. 171 00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:41,531 Mmm. Tell me more, son. 172 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:43,707 Well, there's no cracks on the sidewalks. 173 00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:45,927 And saying you brushed your teeth makes it true. 174 00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:50,801 You can go to baseball games with all the dead players. 175 00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:52,499 And you always catch a home run. 176 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,588 And the angels talk to each other like this: 177 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,067 [trills lips] 178 00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:58,679 Does this, uh, Jesus have any tattoos 179 00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:00,724 or distinguishing marks? 180 00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:04,554 No, but he really thinks the sermons are too long. 181 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:08,166 Boys, we're gonna have a talk with the Reverend. 182 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,128 LISA: Bart. 183 00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,130 I've held my tongue, because I appreciate 184 00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,914 you not ruining my song. 185 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:19,482 Can't ruin what already sucks. Burn. 186 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:22,746 [sighs] All right. I'm just gonna say it. 187 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,661 I don't think you really saw Jesus. 188 00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,315 You know, the Lord warned me 189 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:28,535 there'd be disbelievers. Begone! 190 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:31,320 I don't know why you're doing this, but beware, 191 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,670 little lies lead to big lies. 192 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:37,065 -And big lies get punished. -[doorbell rings] 193 00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:39,763 [gravelly voice]: Ooh! That's the Devil ringing that bell. 194 00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,156 Are you gonna answer? 195 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,114 Hey, don't think you can scare the boy who died 196 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:44,768 and went to heaven. 197 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,857 -[doorbell rings] -[gravelly voice]: Get the door. 198 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,512 Hey, cut it out. 199 00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,558 [normal voice]: Oh, no, it's stuck. 200 00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,516 Hello, Bart. 201 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,692 We are Christian movie producers. 202 00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:59,566 So... you give all your profits back to the church? 203 00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:02,699 Uh... [coughs] 204 00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:04,962 You... uh... Could you, uh, uh... 205 00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,660 Could you get your dad? 206 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:09,227 Homer, we're the best in the business. 207 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:12,666 Our films average 98% on Rotten Communion Wafers. 208 00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:16,234 Now, we'd like to tell your son's story. 209 00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:19,760 You want to make a movie out of what happened to Bart? 210 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:20,717 Well, absolutely. 211 00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:22,632 Unless it's not true. 212 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:26,549 HOMER: Okay, I could admit the boy totally lied 213 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:31,206 or I could make a movie inspired by true events. 214 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:33,382 [giggles] 215 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,602 Brother Homer, why do you hesitate? 216 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:39,214 I hesitate because I am stunned 217 00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,651 that you doubt the Word of God! 218 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:42,652 -[gasping] -Whoa. 219 00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:43,653 Then we have a deal. 220 00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:44,785 Not so fast. 221 00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,701 Like most of America, I think I know the movie business. 222 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,964 Please. What would youlike? 223 00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:51,705 I want input on the script. 224 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,576 I want two seats to the premiere. 225 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,709 And my wife needs a seat as well. 226 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,711 And I'm not thanking the Georgia Film Commission, 227 00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,364 no matter what. 228 00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:02,063 We will need to pray on this, Brother Homer. 229 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,978 Of course. So will we. 230 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,632 Kneel down, boy. 231 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:06,850 What for? 232 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:11,855 Because we're going to pray like we often do. 233 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:15,076 Heavenly God, who art in heaven, holler out your name. 234 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,818 Thy Kingdom come. I'm almost done. 235 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:20,516 Ooh. Can this square join your circle? 236 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,649 Absotively-posilutely. 237 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,607 In that same spirit, I'm glad to hear it. 238 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,609 -Oh, hi-diddly-do. -A-dum-dum-diddly. -Diddly-doodly, brother. 239 00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,045 -Diddly-doodly-diddly-dice. -Diddly. Diddly. 240 00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:29,830 -Nice to diddly meet you. -Brotherino. 241 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:33,703 I heard movie meetings were horrible, but I had no idea. 242 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,226 Well, perhaps you could write 243 00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:37,272 the screenplay with Brother Homer. 244 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,969 Um, eh, I don't think so. 245 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,710 Wait, wait, wait. 246 00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,756 I'm being filled with the spirit of Jesus. 247 00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,628 Oh, yeah? What's he saying? 248 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,675 He says he wants Dad and Mr. Flanders 249 00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,634 to work together day after day in a tiny room, 250 00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,680 preferably holding hands. 251 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:54,768 Why, you... 252 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:57,031 No booze, sodas, or chocolate milk. 253 00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:59,729 And the only snacks are celery sticks. 254 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,209 Celery sticks. 255 00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:03,298 -[groans] -Not done yet. 256 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,822 Dad, Jesus wants you to take Flanders bowling. 257 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:08,129 -[angry groan] -Tie his shoes for him. 258 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,826 -What for? -And kiss his ball. 259 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,655 -Why, you... -This is the Word of the Lord. 260 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,919 With that kind of attention, I could roll a 73. 261 00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:21,098 [groaning]: Oh... 262 00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:26,669 ♪ 263 00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:30,804 What are you guys doing? 264 00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,893 What's it look like? We're working. 265 00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,721 [annoyed grunt] 266 00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,810 Maybe we should take a break. 267 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,855 Good idea. 268 00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:41,728 Okay, come on. 269 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,818 Lenny, you've pitched "That's what she said" 30 times already. 270 00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:47,037 I highly doubt that's the Word of God. 271 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,735 -Try something else. -That's what she said. 272 00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:50,780 [laughs] That's great! 273 00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,042 That's going in. 274 00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:54,349 Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. 275 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:57,700 Lenny and me. Mine. Mostly mine. Mine. Mine. 276 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,833 I was thinking it when Barney said it. Mine. 277 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:03,053 Reading for Marge-- Emily Deschanel. 278 00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,752 Oh, yeah. Uh, first, I have a question for you. 279 00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:08,929 On Bones,did you ever have any bones with meat left on them, 280 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,844 and if so, where are those bones? 281 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,933 Maybe she should just read the part. 282 00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:16,110 [as Marge]: Homie, because of everything that's happened, 283 00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:18,155 I think we need to take a break. 284 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,767 [crying]: No! Marge, no! 285 00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:22,116 A break means forever. 286 00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:23,900 I'll change. I will. 287 00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:26,076 No, Homer, she's just acting the part. 288 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,949 Oh. Oh, of course, of course, yes. 289 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:31,342 As a help to me, when you're acting, 290 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,867 could you hold up one hand so I'll know? 291 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,346 Oh, o-okay. 292 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,131 -Thank you. -[as Marge]: Homie. 293 00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:38,872 Yes, Marge. You have a question? 294 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,221 Ugh. She's acting! 295 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:42,876 Right, right, right. She's acting. 296 00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,965 When you're acting, could you raise one arm 297 00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:47,445 and swing your foot in a circle and keep winking? 298 00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:49,317 [as Marge]: Listen, Homie. 299 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,885 Marge, what are you doing?! You're acting really weird. 300 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,321 Is he okay? 301 00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,802 You thought I was okay when you married me. 302 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,325 [huffs] Actors. 303 00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,327 Gal Gadot reading for Lisa. 304 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,198 -You've got the part! -Wait, wait, wait, wait. 305 00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:03,461 I know you were great in Fast and Furious, 306 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,159 but what else have you been in? 307 00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:06,813 Uh... did you see Wonder Woman? 308 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:10,207 Whenever I see the DC logo, I immediately fall asleep. 309 00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:11,905 Homer, she's got the part. 310 00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:15,038 Okay, you get this and I get Gene Hackman for me. 311 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,170 Huh. He already said no. 312 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,998 Then you have to help me kidnap him. 313 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,564 GAL: Excuse me. 314 00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,871 So, do you want to put me on tape or...? 315 00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:25,179 Hey! Can we use your magic lasso to kidnap Gene Hackman? 316 00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,702 No. 317 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,269 Barney is here to read for Noah. 318 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,619 There's no Noah in this movie. 319 00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:33,056 All right, but you better tell the camels. 320 00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:35,972 [scrubbing] 321 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:40,934 Mom, do you really believe Bart's story? 322 00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:43,850 Lisa, do you know how I've gotten to this point in life? 323 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:47,027 Two things-- blind faith and a little wine. 324 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,943 Can you get me the wine that I keep in Mommy's knitting basket? 325 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,641 I know where you keep it. 326 00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,991 There was no knitting in there. 327 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:56,950 [gulps] Ah! 328 00:12:56,993 --> 00:13:00,954 Jesus said to tell you, "Things will get better." 329 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,478 And... cut. 330 00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:06,002 I wish you and I had a relationship like that. 331 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,917 Why, you little... 332 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:13,662 They wish theyhad a relationship like us! 333 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:17,492 Uh, there is nothing a director can do on set that's wrong. 334 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,669 Take five, everybody. 335 00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,192 What do you want? 336 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,412 I told you, lies lead to punishment, 337 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,675 especially when you film them. 338 00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:29,069 What are you talking about? 339 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,071 If you really saw Grandpa Bouvier, 340 00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,637 which finger was he missing? 341 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,988 I believe he was wearing a beekeeping outfit 342 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,424 when I saw him. 343 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,426 [chuckles] Trick question. He's missing a leg. 344 00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,645 BART: Okay. 345 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,430 So maybe I fudged a few things. 346 00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:44,998 It's not the original lie that gets people. 347 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,651 It's the cover-up. 348 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,784 It's gonna get worse and worse 349 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,482 and worse and worse and worse. 350 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,441 Dad, I'm starting to feel weird. 351 00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:56,357 I'm not your Dad. I'm the actor playing him. 352 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,663 You need all that padding to play Homer? 353 00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,056 Yes, and I'm fat to begin with. 354 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,149 Okay, this one's for China. 355 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,934 This one's for Australia. 356 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,110 And this one's for the youth market. 357 00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,112 -Dad? -This is all because of you. 358 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,765 I have never been so excited. 359 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,463 Now what do you want to say? 360 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:18,074 Um, is there anything you want to tell anyone? 361 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,947 Any inaccuracies or blatant lies? 362 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,907 [quietly]: The scene we said is New York 363 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,910 is actually downtown Calgary, 364 00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,303 and vice versa. 365 00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:30,782 [sighs] 366 00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:34,177 [groaning] 367 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:37,137 No, no. I'm going to heaven! 368 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,965 [heavenly chorus sings] 369 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:41,576 [scraping] 370 00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,186 Hello, Bart. 371 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:44,927 Didn't they give you a real leg in heaven? 372 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,581 I lost it in a bet. 373 00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:49,105 A bet that my grandson was a good boy. 374 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,933 Save me, Jesus! 375 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,066 I'm trying very hard to forgive you. 376 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,415 It is verytough. 377 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,547 [whimpers] What are you gonna do to me? 378 00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,288 Bart, God is love. 379 00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:01,074 [heavenly chorus sings] 380 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,815 [grunting] 381 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,862 [Bart grunts] 382 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:15,175 And here's Marge with the actress who played her. 383 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,003 Oh, in real life we don't get along. 384 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:21,137 [reporters clamoring] 385 00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:22,617 Who are you worshipping? 386 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,401 Are you telling the truth? 387 00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,055 He will not be taking any questions 388 00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,317 unless they're submitted in writing 389 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,580 on an index card with some bacon on it. 390 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:31,582 Turkey bacon does not count. 391 00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:36,326 Tell the people what you have witnessed, Bartholomew. 392 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,808 And if they doubt you, viciously attack their character. 393 00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,853 Yes, Jesus. 394 00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,684 Bart, you're my hero. 395 00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,817 Now, who wants a hamburger? 396 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,037 I would never say any of those things. 397 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,257 Now sing, Bart. 398 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:57,434 -Sing because I cannot. -[Lisa groans] 399 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:02,048 ♪ One more chance 400 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,659 ♪ It is my destiny 401 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:07,140 ♪ To start my road 402 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:11,274 ♪ To Christianity 403 00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:16,018 ♪ I always knew he had a mission ♪ 404 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:20,457 ♪ Thank God we called off the mortician ♪ 405 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,372 ♪ One more chance 406 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:28,030 ALL: ♪ He's alive, someone quick call Channel 5 ♪ 407 00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,424 ♪ One more chance. 408 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,042 Eh. Not enough Bart. 409 00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:44,612 Oh, someone pinch me. 410 00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,310 Thank you. Thank you for this Christian Oscar. 411 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,617 And I'd like to thank the Academy of Arts 412 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,140 and Anti-Sciences. 413 00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:52,228 [knocking] 414 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,838 Are you guys awake? 415 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:56,102 Mm. What's the matter, sweetie? 416 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:59,061 Mom, I lied about everything. 417 00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,410 Oh, my God! 418 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,151 Don't worry, Marge. 419 00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,979 It's just a little movie. Nobody will see it. 420 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,633 Mr. Flanders just called. 421 00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:09,202 The movie's on pace to make a hundred million dollars. 422 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:11,682 It crushed all the good movies that came out this week. 423 00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:13,510 Take that, Paul Thomas Anderson. 424 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:17,210 Oh, my God. Our movie's a hit and a lie. 425 00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,299 Oh, all hit movies are lies, Marge. 426 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,083 Did you see Argo? 427 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,476 None of that happened. 428 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,782 And I have strong doubts about The Incredibles. 429 00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:26,958 Well, we have to tell people the truth. 430 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,134 Of course, of course. 431 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,310 Could we do it after the Golden Globes? 432 00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:31,528 MARGE, LISA AND BART: No! 433 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,226 But that's the one with TV people 434 00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:34,749 and movie people in the same room. 435 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,359 We said no! 436 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:39,319 [protesters clamoring] 437 00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:40,929 FLANDERS: First off, 438 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:44,324 we will donate every penny of our profits to charity. 439 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,239 Keeping only enough money 440 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:49,198 to cover changing our lives in a major way. 441 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:51,200 -Hey, what is this? -[overlapping chatter] 442 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,376 Fine, fine, fine, all of it. 443 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,465 Okay, look, I just want to say, 444 00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:58,251 I'm just a man trying to raise his son. 445 00:17:58,294 --> 00:17:59,948 I make mistakes. 446 00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,211 Sometimes they're little, sometimes they're big. 447 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:06,041 Blame me, but don't blame the boy for being a boy. 448 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,609 [sniffs] Oh. 449 00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:11,394 And let me just ask this. Is it possible 450 00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:14,223 any otherreligious beliefs are founded on myths? 451 00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,790 This interview is over. 452 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:18,227 God created the world in seven days. See you later. 453 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,055 In what some are calling the worst scandal 454 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,579 in the history of religion, Bart Simpson lied 455 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:25,147 when he claimed he had talked to Jesus. 456 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,758 But maybe part of the fault lies with us 457 00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:31,240 for desperately wanting a miracle in these troubled times. 458 00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:34,548 Times which we bring into your homes at 5:00, 6:00 and 11:00. 459 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,028 Here's a hobo lost in a hurricane. 460 00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,553 Um, I had a hat! 461 00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,381 Hey, Bart. 462 00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:42,817 I brought you some ice cream. 463 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,035 BART: Up here. 464 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:49,432 The only friend I have is the Frisbee on the roof. 465 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:50,999 [wind whistling] 466 00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,783 Hmm. Well, you'll always have me. 467 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,350 -[shingles creaking] -Careful. 468 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,265 Dad didn't nail these in too well. 469 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:57,788 You think God'll forgive me? 470 00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,355 Don't tell anyone I said that. 471 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:03,011 Well, if there is a God, from what I know, 472 00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:04,665 said God will forgive you 473 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:07,233 if you truly have remorse in your heart. 474 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,408 Well, thanks, Lis. 475 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,236 Don't tell anyone I asked you that. 476 00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,412 I did it 'cause you're the smartest person I know. 477 00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:14,327 And don't tell anybody I said that. 478 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,632 I won't! 479 00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,591 [both screaming] 480 00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:21,812 [sighs] Dad must have raked the leaves today. 481 00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,858 Now that'sa miracle. 482 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,478 I made it. 483 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,438 Gal Gadot?! 484 00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,396 They like me so much, I get to visit. 485 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,444 I made it, too, boy, and Jesus really wants to meet you. 486 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:45,662 Go on in! 487 00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,316 Where are you going? 488 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:50,232 This place is so boring. 489 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,713 FLANDERS: Time for another game of "Mother, May I?" 490 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,106 [groaning]: Oh! 491 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,283 Please send me back to Earth. 492 00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,503 Yes, yes. You can be a turtle or a pharmaceutical CEO. 493 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,070 Turtle, please. 494 00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:03,724 Hmm. 495 00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:14,387 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 496 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:17,346 ♪ 497 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:38,541 ♪ He's alive, someone quick call Channel 5. ♪ 498 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:51,337 Shh!