1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:04,072
*

2
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,082
(sobbing)

3
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:16,450
(small sob)

4
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,187
(bigger sob, sniffles)

5
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,057
(sobbing loudly)

6
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:28,396
There's something very,
very weird about this place.

7
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,998
Even the seagulls
have a New England accent.

8
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,367
(squawking)

9
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:34,735
A-yup.

10
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,604
Why did we vacation here?

11
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:39,207
It was on a list
of top ten places to see

12
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,342
before you mysteriously
disappear.

13
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,610
Fool.

14
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,079
This whole contest was a ruse.

15
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,514
What the...?

16
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,216
You are here to be sacrificed

17
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:51,519
to an evil god
from the ocean depths.

18
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,421
-SpongeBob?
-No!

19
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,457
The eternal lord of horror,
Cthulhu.

20
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,492
("Night on Bald Mountain"
playing)

21
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,904
HOMER:
What the...?!

22
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,076
(growls)

23
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,284
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait just a minute!

24
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,953
I was promised
an eating contest,

25
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,955
and by the ancient law
of the flyer,

26
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,923
you have to provide me with one.

27
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,959
Very well.

28
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:37,465
An eating contest
against the monstrous Cthulhu?

29
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:41,969
To him, the Great Barrier Reef
is just an average barrier reef.

30
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:45,606
-Well, my dad
didn't eat breakfast.
-Uh-oh.

31
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,576
Mm. Mm. Mm.

32
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,578
How you doing, Cthu?

33
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,346
(retches)
Shut up, okay?

34
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,581
Just shut up.

35
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,250
(belches) I need
to take a walk, that's all.

36
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:59,320
I-I'll be fine.

37
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,490
I win. And I get
to name the prize.

38
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,824
(gasps)
Fine.

39
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,928
I'll give you whatever you want.

40
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,365
Immortal life? Whale watching
where you actually see a whale?

41
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:14,602
Hmm. I know exactly what I want.

42
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,337
(whispers indistinctly)

43
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,538
Oh, man.

44
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,174
BART:
Mm, mm, mm.

45
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,611
Ooh, ink sac.

46
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,646
*

47
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,326
*

48
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,430
(James Bond theme playing)

49
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:49,403
Now for a word from our late,
beloved Mapple founder,

50
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:52,740
-Steve Mobs.
-(cheering, applause)

51
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,041
Hello.

52
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,743
(cheering wildly)

53
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,545
And stop.

54
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,580
Since my unfortunate passing,

55
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,249
if things have gone
as I've planned,

56
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,684
Mapple is now
a trillion-dollar company,

57
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,187
Roseanne has come and gone
like a summer storm

58
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:10,658
and a less exciting version
of me has taken my place.

59
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,526
I'm wearing your pants, Steve.

60
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,263
And now I'm here to introduce
the new Myphone Ultima,

61
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,097
which comes
in the colors black...

62
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,532
(cheering)

63
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,335
-...slate gray...
-(cheering)

64
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:24,104
-...and that's it.
-(cheering)

65
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:32,346
The time has come.
Commence operations.

66
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,414
Can't they see you?

67
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:36,750
They see nothing.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.

68
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,522
This is too easy.

69
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,458
For you. You just look
at the monitor.

70
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,375
Uh, Lenny? My phone says
that there's spores

71
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,077
from outer space
landing all around us.

72
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,079
Well, my phone says there are
divorced moms in my area

73
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,615
that want to meet me.

74
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,550
*

75
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,818
(shrieks)

76
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,227
Oh, great, an homage
to Body Snatchers,

77
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,596
which in itself was a rip-off
of The Thing.

78
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,633
This will be the last word
I ever say: C minus!

79
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,168
(groans softly)

80
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,738
I want to return
this comic book.

81
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,741
The dialogue sounded forced
when I read it aloud.

82
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:37,578
I will help you, but first,
you are in danger.

83
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,614
You can crash at my pod,
I mean pad.

84
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:44,718
No one says "pad" anymore. Run!

85
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,157
Dad, I'm worried.

86
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,825
Everyone's turning
into a zombie.

87
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,361
(gurgling)

88
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,763
Thank God you're okay.

89
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,798
Mom! Something's wrong.

90
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,834
There is no escape.
We are all-powerful.

91
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,905
Boy, Maggie, you're carrying
a lot of anger towards Mom.

92
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,311
Chief, Chief, space plants
are eating everyone.

93
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,113
You're telling me.

94
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,615
-(both gasp)
-Eh, don't feel bad.

95
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,216
He was a lousy chief.

96
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,619
You know, my feelings
haven't dissolved yet, Lou.

97
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,888
Now, kids,
that's just air escaping.

98
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,322
(gunshot)

99
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:23,857
You cannot stop us.

100
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,059
It is really just a matter of...

101
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,796
How comes aliens
never use contractions?

102
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,064
We think it is scary.

103
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:36,269
It is why we call Jerry's Deli
the Deli of Jerry.

104
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,440
Oh! Conifer down.

105
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,211
(laughs)

106
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,646
(tires screeching)

107
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,247
I'm not a plant!

108
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,918
Prove it. Name the roster
of the Glasgow soccer club.

109
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,887
I don't-I don't know.
I-Is there a-a Rooney?

110
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,590
There's always a Rooney. Ah!

111
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,626
(tires screech)

112
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,530
(Bart and Lisa scream)

113
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:06,166
Bart, dystopian movies have
taught me two things:

114
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:10,337
"A," you can make a four-part
movie from a three-part book,

115
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,573
and "B," there is no hope.

116
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,375
So I'm saying good-bye
to you now, Bart.

117
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:16,677
Good-bye, sister.

118
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,713
The last sound you hear
will be... (motorboating lips)

119
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,887
(Ligeti's Requiem playing)

120
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,133
* You don't win friends
with salad *

121
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,536
* You don't win
friends with salad... *

122
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:45,105
(Requiem continues)

123
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,649
Congratulations,
fortunate Earth-being.

124
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:58,385
Welcome to your new paradise.

125
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,488
(man laughing)

126
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,490
-Where are we?
-We're on a planet

127
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,759
in what you incorrectly call
the Crab Nebula.

128
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,562
You live
in the Crab Nebula. You.

129
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:11,298
Why would you kill me
and then bring me here?

130
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,601
We didn't kill you.
We have saved you.

131
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,236
When you were absorbed on Earth,
your consciousness

132
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:20,340
was transferred here
to this utopia, ha, ha.

133
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,009
Well, my daughter will be
very happy

134
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,811
living with you green beans.

135
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,513
She's a vegetarian.

136
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,614
Murderer.

137
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,115
(chuckles)
Just kidding.

138
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,417
Have a piece of my ass.

139
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,485
Uh...

140
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,753
So wait, wait, wait.

141
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,622
We're all pod people?

142
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,757
I'm afraid you were
already pod people.

143
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,626
What are you talking about?

144
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:42,129
iPod people, phone checkers,
tablet gazers.

145
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,432
Never lifting your petals
to see the sun.

146
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,535
Yes. Yes. This is perfect.

147
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,470
A sci-fi story
with a happy ending.

148
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,839
Now let us brag some more.

149
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,942
We are many, but we move as one.

150
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,611
ALIEN 2: Finding out the best
of each other.

151
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,881
ALIEN: Giving the love
that lets us go on.

152
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,482
Where'd you get those?

153
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,284
We just found them
wrapped under that guy.

154
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,986
It's what I do, man.
How you doing?

155
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,220
Herb Tannenbaum.

156
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,460
-(Bart groans)
-(grunting)

157
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,462
-He's waking up.
-Yes.

158
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,198
Is there anything
punching can't do?

159
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:21,635
It can't set a clock.

160
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,470
(grunts)
What's going on?

161
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,639
Where are we?

162
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,507
(loud footsteps approaching)

163
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,578
Who did this to us?

164
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,512
Uh, the last thing I remember

165
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,048
is crashing a sleepover
at Milhouse's.

166
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:38,485
I got to work.
So spend the night here.

167
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,220
But I'm not invited.

168
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,224
You think I was invited
on the Toledo Mud Hens team bus?

169
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:48,495
When I was asked to leave, my
left boob suddenly popped out.

170
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,230
That was a game-changer.

171
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,234
NELSON: Then somebody
mysteriously sent

172
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,837
a case of orange drink,
which we drank.

173
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,739
(groans)

174
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,341
You guys passed out,
and my first thought

175
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,376
was "Call the police."

176
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,680
But even heroes fall.

177
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,449
(footsteps approaching)

178
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:10,550
(whimpering)

179
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,622
Lisa?

180
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,590
(English accent):
I'm not "Lisa."

181
00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:18,025
I'm Penelope.

182
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,559
Whassup?

183
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,528
Seriously, I want to know.

184
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,196
I'm the one who brought you here

185
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,533
after drugging
your SunnyD with Special K.

186
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,301
As in ketamine.

187
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,771
You K'd our D? You're crazy.

188
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,307
Crazy, you say?

189
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,076
(low voice):
Crazy.

190
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,145
Crazy!

191
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,481
(Milhouse's voice):
Who are you calling crazy?

192
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,651
I'm not that loud.

193
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:46,553
I'm gonna belt you.

194
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,587
-Hmm.
-Eh.

195
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,589
With a brassy Broadway tune.

196
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:50,557
(shouting)

197
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,125
*

198
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,393
* You'll be trapped

199
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,228
* Trapped like rats

200
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,231
* No one knows
where you're ats *

201
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,601
* You'll eat my shorts
then you'll have a cow *

202
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:04,604
* I'm gonna kick you now.

203
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,542
Applaud or die.

204
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,648
-You die, boys.
-What? Why?

205
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,784
Not one of you said "encore."

206
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:20,320
But I think encores are
a ridiculous tradition.

207
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,990
Just sing your songs and go.

208
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,363
More pancakes, Lisa?

209
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,032
(French accent):
Pancakes are meaningless.

210
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,767
Life is meaningless.

211
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,435
Marge, Lisa's being unusual.

212
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,737
And where's Bart?

213
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,974
Oh, yes, the Simpson boy.

214
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:45,713
He called. He's staying with
the Milhouse for an extra day.

215
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,848
And the great thing
about boys is

216
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,718
that nothing bad
can ever happen to them.

217
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,323
Come on, Milhouse,
put your brain into it.

218
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,325
The door isn't even scratched.

219
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,527
Oh, we were trying
to break the door?

220
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,895
Okay, I got a plan.

221
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:04,197
First, Milhouse,
gnaw through your ankle.

222
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:08,969
I will,
but I'm allergic to myself.

223
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,972
I swear, if you say
one more wimpy thing...

224
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,407
Not my Gloria Vanderbilt
glasses.

225
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:17,644
They were on the cover
of Women's Health.

226
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,181
*

227
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,415
Ha-ha!

228
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,718
(sing-songy):
Lisa's wearing a dress.

229
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,887
(Scottish accent):
All right, ya little beasties.

230
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,824
Are ye ready for a trip
to the Scottish Die-lands?

231
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,226
Just let yourselves out,

232
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,896
but beware the Beast!

233
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,831
Ah, isn't that cute?
She learned an accent

234
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,532
from Groundskeeper Willie.

235
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,434
Not that cute.

236
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,602
BART:
Ay caramba!

237
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:46,273
*

238
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:52,545
Wish I could burn
the calories off that easily.

239
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,182
(singsongy):
You've got body issues.

240
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,051
*

241
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:06,526
(deep voice): It's time
to recycle, you stupid boys.

242
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,295
Careful, Lisa.

243
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,463
If you keep yelling like that,
you'll get vocal polyps

244
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,132
like Adele.

245
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,603
(grunts)

246
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:20,307
Please wear one of my bones
around your neck...

247
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,410
(grunts)

248
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:27,280
Ha-ha! You missed.

249
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,488
What happened to you?

250
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,491
You know what you did!

251
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,304
(laughter)

252
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:57,110
Well, well, Little Miss Perfect.

253
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,512
I'm sure somebody changed this,
but I don't care.

254
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:05,618
You know, I never feel more like
a trademark corporate spokesman

255
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:08,188
than when I wake up
in an empty bed.

256
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,623
You can never make me feel
as good as this.

257
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,659
Oh, no!

258
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:17,965
You ruined Lisa's life
and on that day,

259
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:21,334
the Beast was born!

260
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,570
(yells)

261
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:32,679
One American creates
this much garbage in one day.

262
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,515
Oh, just kill me.
Don't teach me.

263
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,984
(crying):
I'm your brother.

264
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,186
(Bart cries)

265
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:42,389
(normal voice): If you have
a great speech to save yourself,

266
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,991
now would be the time.

267
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,625
I'm rooting for ya.

268
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,527
Lis, please forgive me.

269
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,997
I'm your big brother.
I'll always be there for you.

270
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,531
When your boyfriend dumps you,

271
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,134
I'll take you drinking
and tell you what a jerk he was.

272
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,503
When he takes you back,
I'll tell you he's great

273
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,905
and go to games with him.

274
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,706
I'll humanize
your campaign biography.

275
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:00,908
Am I reaching you?

276
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,243
(gasps) It worked.

277
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,511
I'm back.

278
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:05,845
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

279
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,580
Why'd you do it, sweetie?

280
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:12,485
Sometimes, Mom, a woman gets
pushed so far, she just snaps.

281
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,488
You know how that feels,
don't you? Don't you?

282
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,490
No, not at all.

283
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,758
Where's Dad?

284
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,493
Tied up in the trunk of the car.

285
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,930
How am I supposed to know
the day we got married

286
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,032
falls on our wedding
anniversary?

287
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:28,035
Always wanted to be a paper boy.

288
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,403
You know, you're cute this way.

289
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:33,540
Aw. Have a perfume sample.

290
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,713
*

291
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,217
So, Smithers, what do you think?

292
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:48,021
I'll rejuvenate the elderly
using untested dinosaur DNA.

293
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:51,624
It could make me a fortune or
fill the world with monsters.

294
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:54,294
It could make me a fortune.

295
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,329
(uplifting music playing)

296
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,484
Why do you need doors?

297
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,487
You could just
fly over the wall.

298
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,823
-Damn it.
-I hope Grandpa's happy

299
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,326
in this new retirement home.

300
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,728
"I'm sure he's happier here"

301
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,064
is what we'll always say
about old people

302
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,665
no matter where we put them.

303
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,642
There's something weird
about this place...

304
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,944
that doesn't show up on any map.

305
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:47,480
Oh, Lisa, you're always
so suspicious.

306
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,682
Welcome to Geriatric Park

307
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:53,120
where our motto is,
"No further questions."

308
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,323
ANNOUNCER: Here at
Geriatric Park, we combine

309
00:15:56,356 --> 00:16:00,460
speculative theories
with untested technologies

310
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:04,431
to give our seniors
a better life.

311
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,799
Possible side effects include:
back spikes, protective plates,

312
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,535
giant claws, fear of asteroids,

313
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,503
being a precursor
to our modern birds,

314
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,872
a second tail brain, loss
of ears and increased libido.

315
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,042
If you are currently egg-laying
or expect to be egg-laying,

316
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,177
consult your paleontologist.

317
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,413
Now, meet your Jurassic
perked-up loved ones.

318
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,617
(music resembling "Theme
from Jurassic Park" plays)

319
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,553
* They were old

320
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,622
* They were sad

321
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:34,627
* And their joints all hurt

322
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,497
* Now they're here

323
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,367
* And they're glad

324
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:45,472
* They've hit pay dirt

325
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,641
* Geriatric Park

326
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,211
* Geriatric
Park *

327
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:56,015
* It's so, so safe

328
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,885
* Nothing can go wrong

329
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,354
* Can go wrong, can go wrong

330
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,723
* Can go wrong--

331
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:08,395
Abe, I've never seen you
so vibrant and alive.

332
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,363
Well, I don't like to complain.

333
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,864
Wow, you have changed.

334
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,601
But they keep it
a little cold here.

335
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:17,670
Anything for you, Dad.

336
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,073
Don't want to read.
I'm on vacation.

337
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,476
*

338
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:34,954
What's happening?

339
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,556
Someone has raised
the temperature.

340
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,358
Let's take a look
at the microscopic level

341
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,859
with the peephole
and the twisty thing

342
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,095
and the little slide of glass.

343
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,405
(gurgles)

344
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,441
Huh?

345
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:55,875
Ah!

346
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,245
Yah!

347
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,047
(screeches)

348
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,983
You even taste disappointing.

349
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,585
Half of that taste is you.

350
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,819
(growls)

351
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,790
(theme resumes playing)

352
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,601
Dang it.

353
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,437
(grunts)

354
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,475
(roars)

355
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,646
(shouting)

356
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,422
(grunts)

357
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,923
You can't kill me.

358
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,692
I'm your creator,
for flaving out loud.

359
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,598
Credit hog.

360
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,901
FRINK: You were listed
in the footnotes. Oy.

361
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:59,539
Oh, we're saved.

362
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,847
(roars)

363
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,716
(gasps) It's my mom.

364
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,618
In the best mood
we've ever seen her.

365
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,553
(gasps) It's raining.

366
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,021
The old people will head
to the TV room

367
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,556
and watch The Weather Channel.

368
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,626
That's not rain.
It's Grampa.

369
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,661
(roars)

370
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,032
Lisa, no!

371
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:29,202
Sorry, I just believe in
the ultimate, basic goodness

372
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,304
of people.

373
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,573
Grampa, I don't think
you want to hurt me.

374
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:36,409
You just want me
to see you as a person,

375
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:41,013
not some strange, scary monster
we call a senior citizen.

376
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,584
Grampa, I want
to hear your opinion

377
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,986
about everything.

378
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,389
She's making
the ultimate sacrifice:

379
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,391
getting him started.

380
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,429
Aw, Grampa.

381
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,867
I still love you.

382
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,404
All they wanted
was to be cherished.

383
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,674
They've even learned how to get
respect from the orderlies.

384
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,242
I don't care
if you haven't finished.

385
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,678
I'm off the clock. (grunts)

386
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:15,014
And once again, the true
monster, the soulless CEO,

387
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,049
escapes unscathed.

388
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:20,853
Oy. Too rich for my blood.

389
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,689
Ugh. (coughs)

390
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,624
That was a lovely visit.

391
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,058
Although, I could've done

392
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,060
without some
of the decapitations.

393
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:31,264
Uh, Mom, where's the pilot?

394
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:34,033
Virgin Air I'm not.

395
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,068
(laughs)

396
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,313
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

397
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,518
(woman screams)

398
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:28,154
(eerie organ music plays)