1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:06,093
[audio of choir singing "The Simpsons"
plays backwards]

2
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,138
♪

3
00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:09,357
D'oh!

4
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,012
-[tires screeching]
-[grunting]

5
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,888
D'oh!

6
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,933
♪

7
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,331
♪

8
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:32,510
[grunting softly]

9
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,556
-[growls]
-[grunts]

10
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:40,953
Hey.

11
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,225
♪

12
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:02,323
[grunting gibberish]:
...old lady... kids...

13
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:04,760
then the fire go out...

14
00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:06,805
stupid Flanders.

15
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,678
Beer...

16
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:11,854
Only good will come of you.

17
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:15,597
Hey, it looks like
I just invented English. Ha!

18
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,947
-Whuh?
-I think I'll build a tavern.

19
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:21,820
Of course, it won't be
as clean and nice as this swamp.

20
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,866
-♪
-[neon lights buzzing]

21
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:26,825
[insects trilling]

22
00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:29,741
Homie, we can't keep inviting
so many people to Thanksgiving.

23
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,352
They all drink too much.

24
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,180
[slurred grunting]

25
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,443
Use your words.
Who do we cut?

26
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,836
-Flanders.
-We don't invite him.

27
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,621
Let's invite,
then dis-invite him.

28
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:43,407
Okay, I know this is
a tough one, but... Moe?

29
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,149
Remember last year?
His plus-one?

30
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,803
Oh, yeah.

31
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:48,804
[Marge groans]

32
00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,632
Why won't you let me pop her?

33
00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,808
No. It's bad juju.

34
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,854
So, um...

35
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:59,423
we're keeping Thanksgiving
super small this year.

36
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,860
Yeah, I understand.
I won't tell no one I'm invited.

37
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:04,211
Hey, I was thinking of making,
uh, slivered green beans,

38
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,908
little bits of bacon,

39
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,779
-pearl onions in there.
-[groans]

40
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,781
What's the matter?
You don't like pearl onions?

41
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:12,306
[scoffs] Next you'll
be badmouthin' shallots!

42
00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,394
Actually...

43
00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,265
you're not invited.

44
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:18,529
And this is how I find out, huh?
By you telling me in person?

45
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,662
Gently?
With-with plenty of notice?!

46
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:22,881
I'm sorry, man.
I'm-I'm really sorry.

47
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,274
Hey, no problem.

48
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:26,668
I mean, I'm just
your bartender, right?

49
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:28,365
No women, no buddies...

50
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:31,890
-[phone rings]
-Ah, thank God, a friend!

51
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,762
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.

52
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:38,027
Uh, hello. I'm looking for
a Mr. Buttface, first name Ima.

53
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:40,682
Ima? Nobody's been named that
in, like, a hundred years.

54
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:44,164
And as for the rest, why don't
you double-check that name, huh?

55
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,427
Try saying it out loud.

56
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,777
-Ima Buttface?
-Haw-haw!

57
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:51,214
Yeah, well, mistakes are
how we learn there, young fella.

58
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:54,435
Good luck in your, uh,
your journey into adulthood.

59
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,784
Dude, that was lame.

60
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,786
And I'm the king of lame.

61
00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,831
I dream about needlepoint.

62
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:04,575
[grunts] Maybe we should
just give up these prank calls.

63
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:06,403
Yeah. No more
little prank calls.

64
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:09,406
We're gonna go hard core!

65
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:11,843
Hard core? The only thing
my mom's never done.

66
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,932
[choked up]:
I'm so proud of her.

67
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,543
HERMAN:
So, you're looking

68
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:18,546
to acquire some
military-grade mischief makers?

69
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:22,419
I cannot and I will not sell
such items to minors.

70
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:27,076
Welcome to the dark net,
the devil's URL.

71
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,382
[gate squeaks]

72
00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:31,689
Even Amazon can't find you here.

73
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,822
Ain't that right, Alexa?

74
00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,302
Please, I've done nothing.

75
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,956
Just shut me off. Please.

76
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,002
♪

77
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,834
[spooky voice]:
Welcome to the dark net.

78
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,879
Could you stop that, please?

79
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,404
[gate squeaks]

80
00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,450
[all scream]

81
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:55,844
Whoa! Quit scaring us!

82
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,149
All right.

83
00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,456
[boys scream]

84
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,502
[chuckling]

85
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,634
This is our chance
to get back at Moe.

86
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,288
Wait. What did he do to us?

87
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,029
It doesn't matter.
Let's do this!

88
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:09,945
NELSON:
A grenade launcher!

89
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:13,514
Just like the one my dad
liberated in Afghanistan!

90
00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:17,387
I thought your dad just went out
for smokes and never came back.

91
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:18,910
All right.
The truth is,

92
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:21,957
he left on the first ship
colonizing Mars.

93
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,481
That's why he can't call
or send checks.

94
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,222
But he did send me this.

95
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,616
What? That's just
a lame-o candy bar.

96
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,661
I need this, Bart!

97
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,663
Fine. Your dad's on Mars.

98
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:35,927
Haw-haw! You're an enabler!

99
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,189
Deadly. Treason.

100
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,756
Overpriced.

101
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,889
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What about this?

102
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:44,936
Whoa! That'll break Moe's heart
andhis wallet.

103
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,416
[all chuckling]

104
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,637
Well, hello. I'm Hacky.

105
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,161
Here to help you commit
Internet crime.

106
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:53,989
Do you want to...

107
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:02,998
But if we're caught,
I morph into Snitchy the weasel

108
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,827
and give all your information
to the FBI.

109
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:13,835
To continue, click "agree."

110
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:19,667
BART [quietly]: The "package"
should be arriving now.

111
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,190
Cool!

112
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,671
We get to see a taxi.

113
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:24,976
[all gasp]

114
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,852
[Russian accent]:
Is this the residence

115
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:35,117
of successful American
businessman, uh, Moe Szyslak?

116
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,640
Uh, who wants to know?

117
00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:39,426
Anastasia Alekhova,
his new wife.

118
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:43,386
His... wi-i-ife?!

119
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,388
[laughter]

120
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,303
Dark net rules!

121
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,392
And no state sales tax!
Boo-yeah!

122
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,356
Well, this is a contract, and
it is my electronic signature,

123
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:57,835
which I assume
is impossible to fake,

124
00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:00,403
but I did not order
no mail-order bride!

125
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,449
-I understand.
-Good.

126
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,886
You see me in person,
and you do not want me.

127
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:06,975
No, no.
You got it all wrong.

128
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:09,760
It's me. I can't take
another heartbreak.

129
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:13,634
My only friends are the ghosts
that came with the bar.

130
00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:16,506
♪ Drinkity drink
da drink da drink ♪

131
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:20,075
♪ I woke up in a henhouse
this morn ♪

132
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,642
♪ Drinkity drink
da drink da drink ♪

133
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:24,645
♪ But I still wasn't drunk

134
00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:27,778
♪ As the day I was born.

135
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:29,650
Back in my head, Fats.

136
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,695
Oh, there's a lot
of dark thoughts in there.

137
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:33,523
I didn't wanna die here.

138
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,744
I just came in to use the phone.

139
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,354
Sweetheart,
we'll straighten this out.

140
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,921
I'll overnight youse
back to Russia,

141
00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:42,663
and, oh, boy, I'm sorry
to say this, but, uh...

142
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:43,707
but on Delta.

143
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,275
Where are my manners?

144
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,624
Let me show you around. Uh,

145
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:51,585
pool table, uh, jukebox...

146
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:54,457
Barney.

147
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,893
We have alcoholics, too.

148
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,721
But ours are thin,
with ropey muscles.

149
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,462
What's this?

150
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:00,811
Ah, that's the Love Tester.

151
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:02,552
You just stick a nickel in it,

152
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,772
and it tells you
what's in your heart.

153
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:09,603
MOE:
Uh-oh, am I falling for her?

154
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,605
I think it knows
what I'm feeling.

155
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,172
And what I'm having for dinner.

156
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:15,739
MARGE:
Who can guess

157
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,568
what oil I sautéed
these vegetables in?

158
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,744
Olive? Canola?

159
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,224
Oh, not this game.

160
00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,531
Coconut? Grape-seed?

161
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,576
Yeah, fantastic
conversation, Marge.

162
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,839
[singsongy]:
I don't hear an oil.

163
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,537
-Peanut?
-Guess again.

164
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:31,581
Um, sunflower?

165
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,148
Walnut?

166
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,717
No, no and no.

167
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,110
[giggles]
This is why I had kids.

168
00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:41,156
The answer is...

169
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,593
-Finally.
-Vegetable oil!

170
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,160
Hey, vegetable oil!
Good one, Marge.

171
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,945
Did you hear Moe accidentally
bought a wife online?

172
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,381
[laughs]

173
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,731
[chuckles]

174
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,733
Excuse me.
How can mail-order brides

175
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:55,083
still be a thing
in this day and age?

176
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:58,782
Lisa, ignorant men
and foolish women sometimes do

177
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:01,655
dumb things to find love.

178
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,831
Or maybe it was a master hack

179
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:06,964
by an unknown genius. Ahem.

180
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:09,750
Maybe this will
turn out great for Moe.

181
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:12,187
Sometimes arranged marriages
are the best.

182
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,406
I mean, look at Tevye and Golde.

183
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:18,410
They had a wonderful life
with that fiddler in the shtetl.

184
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,500
It wasn't that great
for Tzeitel.

185
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,763
Ugh! How many times
do I have to tell you

186
00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:26,418
that Lazar Wolf the butcher
was a good provider!

187
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,464
Well, I'm not marrying
a butcher.

188
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,553
Young lady,
you should beso lucky

189
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,555
if that Van Houten is a butcher.

190
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,514
I'm not marrying Milhouse!

191
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,472
Oy! She won't marry a butcher.

192
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,780
She won't marry Milhouse.
What is a father to do?

193
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,565
♪ What is a man
with three little children ♪

194
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,699
♪ Three little children to do?

195
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:46,700
♪ I'll tell y...

196
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:49,790
Hey, uh, listen,

197
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,922
if you want to stay
a few more days,

198
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,534
uh, it's fine with...
Whoa, whoa!

199
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:57,667
I ain't seen fresh flowers
since my ma died.

200
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,626
She got hit by a flower truck.

201
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,758
Let's try this place.
It looks cute.

202
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:03,543
I've never been inside before.

203
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,414
I thought it was
a horrible dive.

204
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,285
Well, I thought
it was a crack house.

205
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,592
But now I'd like a glass
of white wine.

206
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,507
There's a whitewine?
I mean, yeah!

207
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,769
I'll be right with you.

208
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,902
[indistinct chatter, laughter]

209
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:17,644
Whoa! Look at all the meat
in the seats!

210
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:20,821
That grosses me out. Good-bye.

211
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:21,909
Would you look at me?

212
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,824
My mouth is running
like a toilet!

213
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:24,868
-[customers groan]
-Outrageous!

214
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:25,869
Wait, wait, wait.

215
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,350
Uh, my friend speaks
like peasant,

216
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:30,918
but he makes a whiskey sour
to die for.

217
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,920
What the hell's a whiskey sour?

218
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,617
Will you be quiet?

219
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,836
Come back in.

220
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:38,621
I promise you
a safe, happy time.

221
00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,887
-Looks good.
-I feel better.

222
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,064
So, Moe, I do good?

223
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:49,327
I work hard, clean up bar.

224
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:52,461
I even chase out
moose and squirrel.

225
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:54,768
Hey, let's take
our patronage elsewhere, Moose.

226
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:58,162
Duh, what's a patronage? Duh.

227
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:05,692
Oh, look, Anastasia,
it ain't that I don't like ya.

228
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,476
I like ya plenty.

229
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:08,695
Tooplenty.

230
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,307
[sighs]
Here's the sad truth about me.

231
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,701
Every time I give my heart
to a woman,

232
00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:17,355
it gets broke
into a hundred pieces.

233
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,879
[sobs]

234
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,532
My first crush...

235
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,709
So, I really like ya,
and I was wondering,

236
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:26,756
you know, maybe we could go
to a movie or-or something?

237
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,758
Give me one second.

238
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,457
♪

239
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,726
You gotta come out sometime!

240
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:42,685
We've been using the back door.

241
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,774
Aw, damn it.

242
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,690
Then a couple of years ago,
sweet Maya...

243
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,997
And then, of course,

244
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:51,781
Laney Fontaine.

245
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,348
I'm through with ya, Moe!

246
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,437
You're a worthless train
to nowhere,

247
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,700
and this is my stop!

248
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,224
-MAN: Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-[cheering]

249
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:06,056
She won a Tony tearing me apart,
yet I left humming the songs.

250
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:09,712
Poor Moe. In Russia, we have
word for people like you:

251
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,716
[laughs] Oh, that sounds nice,
what does it mean?

252
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,937
It means "gentle heart
that no one sees."

253
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,852
Wow, that's beautiful.

254
00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:19,940
Maybe I should learn Russian.

255
00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,942
No, don't do that.

256
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:25,380
[crying]:
But if you want me to, I'll go.

257
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,774
Wait.
I can't let you go like that.

258
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,907
Can you take these bottles
to the recycling?

259
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:32,779
Keep the nickels for yourself.

260
00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:34,955
[crying]

261
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,957
[doorbell rings]

262
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,786
Delivery for Dr. Ima Buttface.

263
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,831
That's me.
Where do I sign?

264
00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:43,615
Uh, nowhere.
I was never here.

265
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:46,053
But I would appreciate
a good review on Dark Yelp.

266
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:49,926
Any less than three stars
and, uh... [makes cutting sound]

267
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,801
Ho-ho.
One Sumatran Breeding Rat,

268
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:56,933
already in labor.

269
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,935
You paid for mail-order rats

270
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:01,459
when your grandfather's
nursing home is full of them?

271
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,810
All right, boy.
I'm gonna find out

272
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:06,029
just what you've been up to.

273
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,250
[Bart gulps]

274
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,426
Oh, Mom, thank God.

275
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,862
This one's brighter.

276
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,516
Now talk.

277
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,387
What are you up to?

278
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,259
All right,
we'll make you talk.

279
00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:19,956
Give me your phone.

280
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,664
That poor rice.

281
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,101
I'm gonna dunk your phone

282
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:36,756
and there won't be any rice
to save it.

283
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:39,933
Okay, okay.

284
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,891
I ordered Moe's
mail-order bride.

285
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:44,938
-[both gasp]
-You're gonna be punished, boy.

286
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:47,549
What about Moe?
That poor, lonely man.

287
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:48,855
Right as always, Marge.

288
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,682
I'll head directly to Moe's.

289
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,075
It's the only decent thing
to do.

290
00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:53,947
-Yes. Good.
-Good.

291
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,514
I might have to console him
till closing time...

292
00:12:56,558 --> 00:13:00,736
Well, now that it's just you,
no punishment, right?

293
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,782
I used a computer.

294
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,827
Isn't that wonderful?

295
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:07,047
Ooh.

296
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,310
-♪ I'm stuck in Folsom Prison
-[thunder rumbles]

297
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:13,575
♪ And time keeps
dragging on... ♪

298
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,795
Start again.

299
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,013
[grunts]

300
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:20,060
♪ When I was just a baby

301
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,539
♪ My mama told me, son.

302
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:22,671
♪ Always be a good boy...

303
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:25,065
Moe, I'm here to apologize.

304
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,501
It don't matter, she's gone.

305
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:28,851
She's working at the
Russian Tea Room in Ogdenville.

306
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:31,723
It was my no-good kid
that ordered your wife.

307
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,813
It don't matter.
Nothing matters.

308
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:37,207
Hey, Moe. You think I haven't
been disappointed by love?

309
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:40,210
Well, I haven't,
but you've got to get her back.

310
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:42,038
Okay, I'll go to Ogdenville.

311
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:44,084
I'll get her back.

312
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,391
For once in my life I ain't
gonna be afraid of getting hurt.

313
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:49,741
Follow your dreams.

314
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,569
I'm following mine.

315
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:52,875
Where's Moe?

316
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,099
Is Anastasia here?

317
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,491
She's just getting off work.

318
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:02,015
Ah, great, perfect.

319
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,364
I'm, uh, I'm gonna win her back.

320
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,887
That's nice.

321
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,542
You probably should check
with her boyfriend.

322
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,587
You look just like
the Pennywise.

323
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:11,633
I know. It's terrible.

324
00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:15,158
Now when I'm in the gutter and
call kids for help, nothin'.

325
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:17,987
She's got a boyfriend?

326
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,467
Boy, you never know how much

327
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:22,165
you really love something
until you've lost it.

328
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:24,907
[sighs heavily]
Did you ever lose anything?

329
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,388
My husband, my home

330
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,738
and TV show Armenian Idol.

331
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,566
-Twice.
-Yeah.

332
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,227
I never should've
told her to go.

333
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:42,011
Uh, look, Moe, I'll tell you
how to get her back, okay?

334
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:44,405
You take her to dinner,
nice and romantic.

335
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,407
Look into her eyes
and remind her

336
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:49,062
that she is under contract
to marry you.

337
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,891
I don't know, man,
that doesn't seem, uh, woke.

338
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,631
And I'm-I'm woke as hell.

339
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,156
It doesn't matter how it
started, you two fell in love.

340
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:57,853
It's like the kind of movie

341
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,855
we wish Tom Hanks would go back
to making.

342
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,163
I know. How many captains
can one guy play?

343
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:04,947
You're right about that.

344
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:05,992
You're right about everything,
you guys.

345
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:07,515
You know what?
I'm gonna do it.

346
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:08,951
Oh, my God, I've got hope.

347
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,910
I-I'm lookin' forward
to the future.

348
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:14,043
Fellas, I'm gonna put on pants.

349
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,175
Dah, dah-dah, dah!

350
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,918
Now just so you know,
technically,

351
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:20,963
I'm still married
to Rita Moreno.

352
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:21,964
MOE:
Psst. Over here.

353
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,009
Here. Hey, please?

354
00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:26,012
Uh, excuse me, Krusteleh.

355
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:28,928
Now, dear, I'm a little nervous,

356
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:31,278
because, uh, I got something
real important to say.

357
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:34,455
You had a good thing going
and you ruined it.

358
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:36,196
Uh, not for the first time,
either.

359
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:39,808
You know my bar was originally
an eight-story hotel?

360
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:42,071
What does this have to do
with me?

361
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:44,160
This time, it's not too late...
I hope.

362
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,901
I love you, Ana.

363
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,817
[sighs] I don't know how I feel
right now, Moe.

364
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,559
But if you promise me a wedding
according to my traditions,

365
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,300
a deal is a deal.

366
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,215
"A deal is a deal."

367
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,957
How I have longed
to hear those words.

368
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,263
Sorry, Krusty. It's over.

369
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:05,225
No, no! I just got TMZhere
to film our relationship.

370
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:06,835
We got a breakup, even better.

371
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:08,010
Zoom in on his broken heart.

372
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,491
No. No, no, no.

373
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,276
No. [sobs, gasps]

374
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,452
Need another take?

375
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,411
[Pachelbel's "Canon" plays]

376
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,897
[beatboxing]

377
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:29,901
Hey! Can I get
a little service here?

378
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,469
Yeah. Uh, excuse me.
I'm also working this event.

379
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:33,993
Your own marriage?

380
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,646
Tastefully. Tastefully.

381
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,910
And we are waiting on one
very special guest.

382
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:40,782
Duffman is here.

383
00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:43,219
With these
Duff Drink-A-Day Calendars.

384
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:46,614
There's something brewing
every day of the year.

385
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:49,008
Except for Pearl Harbor Day.

386
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:51,010
Never forget.

387
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,228
[beer sloshing in cans]

388
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,317
Now let's get the show
on the road.

389
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:57,320
Duffman has a beer mitzvah
at 4:00.

390
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:58,974
Putting the brew in Hebrew.

391
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,236
Oh, yeah.

392
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,108
["Wedding March" plays]

393
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,983
Mom, this costume's
embarrassing.

394
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,941
It's your last punishment.

395
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:12,074
Also, you look cute.

396
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:18,820
When I was little,
I used to dream of a man

397
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:22,084
in the most velour tracksuit
there could be,

398
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,217
who would sweep me off
to an apartment

399
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,654
shared by only
four other families.

400
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,352
I just want to say that
you've made me very happy,

401
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:32,355
which, uh, boy, I thought
I could never be.

402
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,053
And now the signing

403
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,838
of the traditional orthodox
marriage papers.

404
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:40,755
Ring boy, please bring
my notary stamp.

405
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,800
I can scratch this off
my bucket list.

406
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,846
Wait a minute.

407
00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:48,458
I've been learning Russian,
on the dark net, and this says,

408
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,286
"Moe gives...

409
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:52,549
[speaking Russian]

410
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:54,943
-...all...
-[grunts]

411
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,988
-...his..."
-[grunts]

412
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:59,382
"...personal property to Ana."

413
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:00,992
This looks airtight.

414
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:03,604
And believe me,
I know marriage law.

415
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:06,433
Yeah, I read him divorce decrees
to get him to go to sleep.

416
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,174
Boom-chaka-laka!

417
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,958
Ana, is this true?

418
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:13,788
No. It's just another one
of their stupid pranks.

419
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:18,097
My sweet Moe, there is no way
to fake what we have.

420
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,971
Oh, I can't do it.

421
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,494
I-I just, I can't risk another
heartbreak.

422
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,714
I'm... I'm sorry.

423
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:28,107
[gasping]

424
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:30,848
[Brooklyn accent]: So, uh,
am I still getting paid?

425
00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:33,068
Wait, you're not from Russia?

426
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,461
No, Brooklyn.

427
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:37,246
Back when Brooklyn was Brooklyn.

428
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:38,987
[chuckles] You know what I mean?

429
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,989
Ana, what about you?

430
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,034
[with Midwestern accent]:
I'm not Russian at all.

431
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:44,906
I'm from Columbus, Ohio.

432
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,603
That's even worse.

433
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,736
Ana, you're a scam artist.

434
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:50,259
And one that didn't aim
too high.

435
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:51,652
[with Ohio accent]:
What do you mean?

436
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,001
You know I'm in debt, right?

437
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:55,395
Serious, serious debt. [laughs]

438
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,919
Just look at my invites.

439
00:18:57,962 --> 00:18:59,442
You still wanna marry me?

440
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:04,795
Well, it looks like this just
became a shotgun wedding.

441
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,147
It's time for youse two
to leave.

442
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,279
[with no accent]: Fine.
I'll find another man

443
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,063
and give him what he dreams of.

444
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:13,848
I just have to, uh...

445
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:16,503
[with French accent]:
...speak a little like this.

446
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:19,506
[with Scottish accent]:
Or maybe Scottish, like...

447
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:21,638
Oh, do my ears deceive me?

448
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:24,163
Are you from the Highlands?

449
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,340
Aye. Between Inverness
and the Moray Firth.

450
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:28,776
Oh, well, you'll love this guy.

451
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,430
He's loaded.

452
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:33,433
[chuckles] Let's go.

453
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:36,784
Wait. Why are you wearing
a wedding dress?

454
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,655
Is it because you're a loon

455
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:41,354
that got stood up
and can't get over it?

456
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,488
Just like Mother.

457
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,882
-When are we gonna warn Willie?
-Why do we have to warn Willie?

458
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,492
-He doesn't have any money.
-Okay.

459
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:50,928
Then when are we gonna warn her?

460
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:52,408
We don't need to warn her.

461
00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:55,368
Her heart is as cold as
a Rocky Mountain Duff.

462
00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:58,414
D.J. Kirk,
let's get this party rockin'.

463
00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:01,809
Did somebody say crank up
the volume?

464
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,986
[explosion]

465
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,771
-No one said crank up
the volume.
-Dammit.

466
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:15,431
["Mars" by Gustav Holst plays]

467
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,392
Papa?

468
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:23,526
Son, it's...
it's so great to see you.

469
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,528
[groans]

470
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:28,401
I wanna hear everything about
your top secret mission.

471
00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:29,750
Of course. Of course.

472
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:31,752
Let me just go, uh, get
some space cigarettes

473
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,971
and we'll have
a long, long talk.

474
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:36,278
I'd like that.

475
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:38,976
Oh, I finally have a dad again.

476
00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:49,552
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH