1 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,209 ♪ 2 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,945 (shrieks) 3 00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,120 (school bell rings) 4 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,156 (burps) 5 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,058 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,059 (yells) 7 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,161 (beeps) 8 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,530 (tires screech) 9 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,232 D'oh! 10 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:33,834 (grunts) 11 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,869 (snoring) 12 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,224 Sorry, no room. (snores) 13 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,259 ♪ 14 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,402 I am a broccoli, I help keep you lean. 15 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,372 My head's on a stalk, and my color is... 16 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,308 -(audience member coughs) -Is... 17 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,079 Uh, is... uh... 18 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,048 Oh, come on, you little nitwit. 19 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,117 It's the color of your costume, for God's sake. 20 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,552 Purple. 21 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,587 Get off my stage, out of my sight, 22 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,989 -and into your parents' car. -Okay. 23 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,091 You'll never work in second grade theater again. 24 00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,826 Hooray! 25 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,396 Up next, the heartwarming story 26 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,432 of the origin of veal. 27 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,673 Hello, friend-o. 28 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:52,980 No, no! You promised you would cut this scene. 29 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:57,117 No, no, I cut your scene because you were such a noodge. 30 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,820 -Forget it. Show's over! -Woo-hoo! 31 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,124 Ugh, fine. 32 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,495 Can I please get back my after-show cupcakes? 33 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,964 -We already ate them. -No! 34 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,167 Oh, I broke the cardinal rule, 35 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,436 never invest in your own production. 36 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,871 But I'm gonna take back my duct tape! 37 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,607 (grunting) 38 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,110 And my bulbs. Ow, ow, ow. Hot, hot, hot. 39 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:27,080 Am I acting? No. 40 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:32,019 (grunting) I'm stuck in my pork chop suit. 41 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:34,322 I've become everything I hate. 42 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:39,193 Huh? Oh. Uh, you were the best one, sweetie. 43 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:42,463 Wha...? I didn't even get to do my line. 44 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,199 Oh, I think I'm gonna cry. 45 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:50,170 (crying): Oh, no. I hate to see a pork chop cry. 46 00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,206 (both crying) 47 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,349 Ooh! 48 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:06,153 Green! Green. Green. Green. 49 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,323 Too late now, boy. Just, uh, play with the siren. 50 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,860 (siren wails on and off) 51 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:18,999 76. 82. 79. 52 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,369 Homer, that's the weather. 53 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,437 HOMER: D'oh! 54 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:26,940 Homer, I want you to do something with Lisa. 55 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,709 I am. 56 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,445 Isn't that right, honey? Oops. 57 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:34,748 You're not speaking to her or even making eye contact. 58 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,717 Oh, you'd be surprised at the things 59 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,352 my eyes are in contact with. 60 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,355 Okay. Well, what is she doing right now? 61 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,024 Uh, uh... she's riding her pony? 62 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,260 Uh, uh... blowing her clarinet? 63 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:49,029 Ooh, ooh, ooh! Protesting a whale. 64 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,365 I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird. 65 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:55,903 Now just remember, it's set in the South a long time ago. 66 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,306 The terrible racism you're reading about 67 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,174 is now everywhere. 68 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,945 We're gonna shop at all the stores you like 69 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,815 that have a chair I can sit in, except the chair store. 70 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,383 I'm not allowed back there. 71 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:12,586 Kent Brockman here interviewing three blue-collar men 72 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,988 who voted for Trump. How do you feel now? 73 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:18,091 -Please stop interviewing us. -Never. 74 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,126 Here's the store. 75 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,261 Let's get something sweet for my little girl. 76 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:24,465 Sugar and spice and everything... What the?! 77 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,066 "Twerking Girl"? 78 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,969 "Ho, Sweet Ho"? "Baby's First Thong"? 79 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,238 Those are just a few of our high-end brands. 80 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,074 We also have "Call of Booty," "Raggedy Anorexic," 81 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,010 "The Edge of 13," and, for boys, "Jack the Stripper." 82 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,812 HOMER: Oh, for crying out loud. 83 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:42,149 Okay, that's it. I've heard enough and three past that. 84 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:45,419 My daughter is still a sweet little girl. 85 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:48,956 What the? Oh, come on! 86 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:53,026 My daughter's not a sex object. She's a respect object. 87 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,432 Innocent girls. 88 00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:00,601 ♪ 89 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,136 Knee socks. 90 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,638 ♪ 91 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,140 Grow up too fast. 92 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,110 ♪ 93 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,280 I will see you all in court. 94 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,449 ♪ 95 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,151 Hmm? Mm. 96 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,654 Dad, I'm seeing you through new eyes. 97 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,890 You've become the hero of my book. 98 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,191 The guy who kills the mockingbird? 99 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:26,126 No one kills a mockingbird. 100 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,495 Whoa, whoa, whoa, spoiler alert. 101 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,062 You're like Atticus Finch, 102 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:32,833 a modest, heroic man who stands up for what's right. 103 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,134 Uh, yeah, sure. 104 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,505 And I love the way you just made me feel safer. 105 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,640 (gasps) She respects me. 106 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,709 This is even better than the time the Milk Duds 107 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:45,045 in the vending machine knocked down a 3 Musketeers bar, too. 108 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:48,749 Woo-hoo! Man beats machine! 109 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,183 Oh! 110 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,686 ATTICUS (on TV): Well, I think that's all the reading 111 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,187 for tonight, honey. It's getting late. 112 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,989 What time is it? 113 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,191 8:30. 114 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,960 SCOUT: May I see your watch? 115 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:11,371 "To Atticus, My Beloved Husband." 116 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:14,808 Oh, black and white? The TV's broken. 117 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,513 Hey, we were watching that. 118 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,182 (Southern accent): Why, look, it's Bart Simpson 119 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,185 in his short pants on the davenport. 120 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,386 Are you nuts? 121 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,388 Homer is my hero. 122 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,957 Say it in American. 123 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,559 (normal voice): He stood up for me. 124 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,226 It was magnificent. 125 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:37,030 -I wish my dad was a hero. -Wish granted, son! 126 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,298 Now let's move it. 127 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:42,035 If I hand out 5,000 flyers, I get all the turkey shreds 128 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,271 I can dig out of the slicer trap. 129 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,374 And dig I will. (chuckles) 130 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,109 Well, I don't care if Dad's your hero. 131 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,979 You know whose hero I am? Maggie's. Come here, girl. 132 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:59,152 Okay, the dog's your hero, but I'm your human hero. 133 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,153 Fine. 134 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,122 But I'm your living human hero. 135 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,825 Are you saying I'm dead? Put up your dukes. 136 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,095 Now put up my dukes. 137 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,231 Now take down your dukes. (grunts) 138 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,834 I'm the greatest! 139 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,169 Oh... someone put down my dukes. 140 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,977 (watch ticking) 141 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,615 ♪ 142 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,287 LISA: I'd always liked my dad, 143 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,090 but this was something new and wonderful. 144 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,458 I admired him. 145 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,695 The way he'd take me to the science museum once a year. 146 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:44,832 D'oh! 147 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,868 D'oh! 148 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,474 And now we get ice cream. 149 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,010 -Hmm. -Mmm. 150 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:59,479 Oh, sweetie, it's starting to melt. 151 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,282 Daddy will give you a little help. 152 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,184 A little more help. 153 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,554 A little more. A little more. 154 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,057 Oops. Oh, Daddy ate yours. You can have mine. 155 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,125 -Thank you. -Now let Daddy... 156 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,594 I got it. 157 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,999 And he inspired me in school. 158 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,467 The second grade was grim, 159 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,736 but Jem assured me that the older I get, 160 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,304 the better school would be. 161 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,140 Who says my class is grim? Who's Jem? 162 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,676 What are you talking about? 163 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,544 That's from To Kill a Mockingbird. 164 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:33,547 Page 67. The book you assigned us to read. 165 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:36,216 I assigned you to read the Wikipedia article. 166 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:41,221 LISA: But my brother was not so happy. 167 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,192 Mom, why can't we be like that? 168 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:48,028 (Lisa and Homer laughing) 169 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,262 Well... 170 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:52,065 (humming) 171 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,902 (spits) I taste blue. 172 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,904 Yeah, okay. 173 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,939 -(hacks) -(groans) 174 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:03,010 I tell you, guys, having a kid that likes you 175 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,178 is the greatest feeling in the world. 176 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,947 I never got along with my old man. 177 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,849 He was always disappointed I didn't follow him 178 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,117 in the family business. 179 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,686 -What did he do? -He was editor of Life magazine. 180 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,956 -I thought that was defunct. -Eh, he keeps saying a real son 181 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,224 would've bought it out of bankruptcy 182 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,059 and launched it as a digital platform. 183 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:22,062 Well, angel funders want too much equity. 184 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,065 Sorry, Dad. 185 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:28,435 (sighs) Yeah, my dad left when I was most vulnerable, 186 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:31,972 the day after Mom left. That was a tough week there. 187 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,007 (crying) 188 00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,379 Not a good time to film a commercial. 189 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,248 Don't worry, we'll take these cameras 190 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:44,051 and we'll make a Netflix documentary. 191 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,955 They will buy anything! 192 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:05,973 (Marge humming) 193 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,909 For dessert, I made blackberry pie. 194 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:12,012 Oh, I made Dad a blueberry pie. 195 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,514 Oh, what to do, what to do? 196 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:18,518 In the words of King Solomon, I shall eat two pies. 197 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,088 I don't think King Solomon said that. 198 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,956 Maybe it was a king salmon. 199 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:26,860 The point is, pies are good. 200 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:32,165 Homer, I think Bart could use a little attention. 201 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,802 (sighs) Give attention to Lisa, give attention to Bart. 202 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,037 What am I, made of attention? 203 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,443 Okay, because of budget cutbacks, 204 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,878 you got 45 seconds each. 205 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,014 40 after the explanation. You, get in! 206 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,281 What you're experiencing is a phenomenon 207 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,883 known as transference, where you project your feelings 208 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,151 towards your mother onto your art teacher. 209 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,353 Anytime you find yourself wanting to hug Mrs. Hakamuchi, 210 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,622 -snap this rubber band on your wrist. -Ow. 211 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,690 -(timer dings) -Next! 212 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,627 What are you waiting for? I'm here for an hour, 213 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,895 then I'm off to 14 other schools. 214 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,330 I eat lunch in my car 'cause they won't let me 215 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,898 counsel kids with food in my mouth. 216 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,700 Well, I always thought my dad was a big fat loser 217 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,836 until he started giving attention to my lame-o sister. 218 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,403 So why do I want his attention now? 219 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,671 Why does this hurt? 220 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,973 Family members are locked into roles. 221 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,041 Change that, and what do you get? 222 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,175 Resentment and acting out. 223 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,043 Acting out can take many forms, 224 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,244 from pouting to armed robbery. 225 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,478 -Time's almost up. -So, what do I do? 226 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,713 You have no choice. 227 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,248 Act out until somebody pays attention to you. 228 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,083 -(timer dings) -Next! 229 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,218 Okay, couples therapy. You got 90 seconds. 230 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:28,121 BOTH: I'm the oldest, and she won't admit it. 231 00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,259 Milhouse, I'm about to act out. 232 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:35,262 After we leave an envelope full of guilt. 233 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,831 Also, we're stopping by the photo booth 234 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,233 -and the perfume room. -Enough. 235 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,770 (reading in Hebrew) 236 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,843 (groans) 237 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,112 Come on, sweetie, pick up the pace. 238 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,214 The sushi's been sitting out for an hour. 239 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:58,118 When Willie turned 13, it was time to work in the mines. 240 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,552 It's go time. 241 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,955 (wheezing) 242 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,291 Help. My friend's having an asthma attack. 243 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,795 Not yet, Bart. This is a real one. 244 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,229 -(grunts) -Even better. 245 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,799 (wheezing) 246 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,101 Please, we've got to get him to the hospital. 247 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:17,938 Wow. I'm gonna meet a nurse. 248 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,973 (bicycle bell rings) 249 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:22,075 (Shauna reading in Hebrew) 250 00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:29,316 And now we're gonna party like it's 5799. 251 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,151 Wait, wait, wait. 252 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,487 Before you leave, I am going to talk. 253 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:37,958 And I'm going to tell you a very long joke. 254 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,793 Please stand. 255 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:44,965 So, an old rabbi was confronted with squirrels 256 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,299 in the attic. 257 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,969 Get to the punch line or your son flunks geometry. 258 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,303 He gave the squirrels a bar mitzvah 259 00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:51,404 and never saw them in temple again. 260 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,772 Amen. 261 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,310 (angry chatter) 262 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,179 I don't drive a minivan. 263 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,482 Do I look like a suburban soccer mom from Phoenix? 264 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,918 Well, sometimes, when you're tired. 265 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,854 -Shut up! -I should be first. 266 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:07,855 I own a Tesla. 267 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,256 Those are my keys. 268 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,458 Prepare for the boning of your life. 269 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:12,960 (grunts) 270 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,328 (shouting) 271 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:20,200 To repeat, I own a Tesla, and I'm going to use "summon." 272 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,872 (all gasp) 273 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:28,808 Who is responsible for this meshugana behavior? 274 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,144 -He did it. -(gasps) 275 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,929 Oh... 276 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,799 Hey, Mr. Cunningham. 277 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,002 I said hey, Mr. Cunningham. 278 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,636 I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. 279 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,072 They know I did it. Protect me, Dad. 280 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:02,075 SCOUT (on TV): Don't you remember me, Mr. Cunningham? 281 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,743 I'm Jean Louise Finch. 282 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,416 (shouting) 283 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,652 Where's your boy? 284 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,487 (Southern accent): What's your hurry, friend? 285 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,724 Now, Homer, don't you try to disarm us 286 00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:21,995 with your genteel mannerisms of a bygone era there. 287 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:26,066 Why, I haven't a notion as to what you are importuning, 288 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,100 good sir. 289 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,801 (angry chatter) 290 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,512 (gunshot) 291 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,514 (Southern accent): Excuse me, Mr. Szyslak. 292 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,251 Mr. Szyslak, we know you. 293 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,087 My father likes to drink at your bar. 294 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,456 You can't say hi to me? 295 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,058 (sobbing) 296 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,260 And how 'bout you, Chief Wiggum? 297 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,595 I go to school with your boy, Ralph. 298 00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:59,099 Give my regards to Ralph, would you, please? 299 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,434 All right, let's go, people. They've defused us. 300 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:04,071 Everyone get, uh, get one last mutter in. 301 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,439 (all muttering) 302 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,044 Oh, Lisa, sweetie, you saved me. 303 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,213 No, Dad, you saved us all 304 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,382 with your calmness and bravery. 305 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,985 -Thanks. Just one thing. -Yes, Dad? 306 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,819 Don't tell your mother about the mob 307 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,054 that almost killed your brother. 308 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,090 She's taken a liking to him. 309 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,224 MARGE: The what? 310 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,060 You're hearing things in the shower again, Marge. 311 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,762 Oh, okay. 312 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:30,863 -(gunshot) -WIGGUM: Sorry. 313 00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:40,974 Okay, Maggie, you give me your binky, 314 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:45,112 and I'll give you this substitution bear doll. 315 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,018 You can't beat addiction, Marge. 316 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,186 I got addicted to Agatha Christie books. 317 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:57,157 I always thought the murderer was that know-it-all Belgian. 318 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,526 Turns out, he was the detective. 319 00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:02,929 41 books, and I never saw it coming. 320 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,931 -(Lisa groans) -(gasps) 321 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,300 -What happened? -Got in a fight. 322 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,502 Why? What did the other kid do? 323 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:12,105 Said Dad was lazy and incompetent. 324 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,706 And where is this other kid? 325 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:14,974 -Yo. -(gasps) 326 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,843 You got in a fight with your brother? 327 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,678 I won a fight with my brother. 328 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,213 -Liar. -Let's go again. 329 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,182 Stop her, Mom. 330 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,784 (Marge groans) 331 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,219 To combat bed-wetting, doctors recommend 332 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,720 shifting times for drinking, scheduling bathroom breaks, 333 00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,057 and being encouraging. I'll deny having said this, 334 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,524 but the next time you wet your bed, have 'em spank you. 335 00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:34,127 -Next. -(timer dings) 336 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,695 Wait, you're not a kid. Doesn't matter. 337 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,164 You've got 45 seconds. Go. 338 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,632 I'm worried that my daughter is ruining her family 339 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,701 idolizing her father. 340 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,670 I see. Wow. Marge, it's totally normal 341 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,472 for a little girl to be infatuated with her father. 342 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,174 It's safe and comes from a good place, 343 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,875 and when it ends, it's another thing she'll blame you for. 344 00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,644 Yes, well, I'm afraid my husband isn't always 345 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,147 a perfect influence. 346 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:57,084 Marge, I've got a legal matter to deal with. 347 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:59,052 I'll be outside. 348 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:04,157 Also, I'm worried that my son is feeling neglected. 349 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,592 Your husband has to give your daughter the perfect speech, 350 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,660 which lets her down but doesn't snap her in two. 351 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,028 And make sure you don't have any more kids. 352 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,264 Sounds like it'll be a disaster. 353 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:14,101 Whoa, nice to meet you. See you in three years. 354 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,034 -(timer dings) -Now, good-bye. 355 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,574 -Homer? -Huh? What? 356 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:24,177 Homer, it's sweet that Lisa idolizes you, 357 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,513 but I think it's gone too far. 358 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,047 You're right. 359 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,216 Tell her she's right. 360 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,417 I just did. 361 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,519 I'm on a five-second delay. 362 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,721 The kids are at each other's throats. 363 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:38,125 Look, you can't be my dog and hers; pick a side. 364 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,761 You can't hide in there forever. 365 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,197 -(toots) -(barking) 366 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,966 Okay, I'll talk to Bart, you talk to Lisa. 367 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,102 We've got to put this family back in place. 368 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,538 Okay. Why do you always tell me 369 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,041 the most important things just when I'm about to fall asleep? 370 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,478 Because I think the pillow talk between a woman and her husband 371 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,914 is the most important... 372 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,983 What? How did I wind up in church? 373 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,455 What's wrong, sweetie? 374 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,990 I've got that terrible feeling where I'm almost 375 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,459 at the end of a great book, 376 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,662 and once I finish, it's over forever. 377 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,265 Well, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. 378 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,601 You and I have had a lot of fun these past few weeks, 379 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,736 but you aren't always gonna look up to your dad 380 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,104 as much as you do now. 381 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,906 Bup, bup, bup. Great man, 382 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,942 there is nothing you could do to make me lose one iota 383 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,179 of respect for you. 384 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:35,348 ♪ 385 00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:38,585 When I was a kid, I wanted to be that guy, 386 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,920 but now I can't fit behind a door. 387 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,090 You'll discover I'm not the perfect man you think. 388 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,025 Okay, I'll finish my book. 389 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,628 But always remember you're my dad, 390 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,831 and I'll never forget the way you and... 391 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,202 Damn it. 392 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,506 I'm home! 393 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,673 (sighs) 394 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,142 She's moved on, 395 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,812 which, let's face it, is the way things should be. 396 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,814 Kids grow up, daddies die, 397 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,982 and then the wind whispers, "Why?" 398 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,387 Oh, I don't know. I've been hurt before. 399 00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:17,023 I don't want to mess you up by getting close to you. 400 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,165 Aw. 401 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,869 No problem. 402 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,170 Marge, get in here. 403 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,076 Okay, Bart, because we treasure you, too, 404 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,179 I'm gonna let you do one thing just for yourself. 405 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,681 Kick Homer in the butt? 406 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:45,084 Uh, why don't you give it some thought. 407 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,152 Kick Lisa in the butt. 408 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,754 Have a birthday party every day? 409 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,722 Never brush my teeth again. 410 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,258 Be homeschooled by the dog. 411 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,092 Drive a tank through Skinner's house. 412 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,994 Open a casino in the basement. 413 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,162 Have an affair? 414 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,098 -You haven't decided yet? -Don't rush me. 415 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,668 Convert my Roth IRA to a 401K? 416 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,935 Have an affair? 417 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,103 Take a mulligan? 418 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,572 Okay, I've decided. 419 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,174 I'll kick Homer in the butt. 420 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:12,245 You can kick it if you can find it. 421 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,846 D'oh. 422 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,014 ♪ Well, they say 423 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:19,018 ♪ Time loves a hero 424 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,421 ♪ But only time will tell 425 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,423 ♪ If he's real 426 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,425 ♪ He's a legend from heaven 427 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,427 ♪ If he ain't, he was sent here from hell ♪ 428 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,429 ♪ Hear me well 429 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,432 ♪ Seein' ain't always believin' ♪ 430 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:35,802 ♪ Just make sure it's the truth that you're seein' ♪ 431 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:40,407 ♪ Eyes sometimes lie, eyes sometimes lie ♪ 432 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:48,748 ♪ They can be real deceivin'. 433 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,784 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 434 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,160 Shh!