1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,339 (audience cheering) 2 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,508 ♪ Day‐oh! ♪ 3 00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,743 AUDIENCE: ♪ Day‐oh! ♪ 4 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:12,579 D'oh! 5 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:13,847 AUDIENCE: ♪ D'oh! ♪ 6 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,916 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,990 ‐(horns honking) ‐Come on, out of my way! 8 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:25,158 Where was this traffic when I was driving to church? 9 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,261 ‐(horn honks) ‐Homie, calm down. 10 00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:30,264 We're not going to miss the San Castellaneta Festival. 11 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,499 I love San Castellaneta. 12 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,935 Delicious food, wonderful people. 13 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,770 It's just like being in Italy. 14 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,907 But with streets that are wide enough I can fit in them. 15 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,008 (sucks on pacifier) 16 00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:42,776 And I love the rides that are dangerous 17 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,511 because they're 100 years old. 18 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,046 (people groaning) 19 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,683 (country music playing) 20 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,352 (carnival music playing) 21 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:54,721 Hold on, kids. Here we go. 22 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,223 (chains clinking) 23 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,825 I beat out a mule and an ox for this job. 24 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,295 The secret is not to ask for benefits. 25 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,665 ♪ Give me pizza, give me pasta ♪ 26 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,067 ♪ Give me lots of cannoli ♪ 27 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,136 ♪ I'll drink sambuca till I puke‐a ♪ 28 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,939 ♪ Then I'll finish with spumoni ♪ 29 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,574 ♪ Drink until my legs are Jell‐O ♪ 30 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,677 ♪ Cheap red wine and limoncello... ♪ 31 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,945 (grunting) 32 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,346 (laughter) 33 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,415 (vocalizing) 34 00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,719 (Homer humming outside) 35 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,690 You want us to bring you anything back 36 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:30,791 from the festival, Tone? 37 00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:32,626 No. It's all carbs. 38 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,528 I don't want people to think I'm fat. 39 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,630 But your name is Fat Tony. 40 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,131 It blends. 41 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:39,866 I can't believe you're not going, 42 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,469 after I flew out your uncle from Sicily. 43 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,172 ‐Idiota! ‐That icy glare 44 00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,174 is why I left the old country. 45 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,911 Tightlips, you do a poor job of reading my moods. 46 00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,081 But you're the only one I trust. 47 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:56,049 Go. Enjoy your festival 48 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,953 while I sit here bonding with my uncle. 49 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,055 Do you want to go to the festival, zio? 50 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,390 (scoffs, spits loudly) 51 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,627 I came to this country for the Burning Man. 52 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,362 Before I die, 53 00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:13,667 I want to see a naked crunchy chick riding a bicycle. 54 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,369 ♪ Everybody has a treat... ♪ 55 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:16,436 ‐(grunts) ‐(people gasp) 56 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,176 ‐Opa! ‐That's Greek, Chief. 57 00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,812 Hey, Lou, when's the festival for Saint Know‐It‐All? 58 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,181 ‐Uh, I believe it's October the... ‐There isn't one! 59 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,684 Nobody likes a know‐it‐all. Idiot. 60 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,053 Hey, we got a‐zeppole, we got a‐braciole, 61 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,188 capicola, scungilli, 62 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,190 and I don't know what the hell‐a this is. 63 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:39,459 Can you make it all in one thing and fry it? 64 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:41,795 I saw‐a you coming. 65 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,866 Ooh. This place looks interesting. 66 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:48,935 Dad, no, that's an actual church. 67 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,570 (shrieks) 68 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,406 Welcome, everyone, to this festival 69 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,542 that does not celebrate Christopher Columbus. 70 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,577 Repeat: not Columbus. 71 00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,579 As we stand here at the corner 72 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:02,683 of Niña and Pinta and Santa Maria, 73 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:06,086 let us welcome your master of cere‐spumonies, 74 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,854 Aquaman himself, 75 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:10,457 Jason Morororora. 76 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,792 (fanfare plays) 77 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,227 It is an honor to be here on land today 78 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:17,731 to recount the inspiring story of this great saint. 79 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,767 ‐Aquaman. ‐Sign my left boob. (grunts) 80 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,103 Aquaman is not here for the signing of boobs. 81 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:27,307 That's a separate event at the Marriott. Conference room C. 82 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,875 (conch blows) 83 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,580 In 250 A. D., Brother Ignatius Castellaneta 84 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,016 refused to recant his Christian faith. 85 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,851 And so the Romans chopped off his head, 86 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,319 they chopped off his arms, 87 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,522 they chopped off his legs, and they chopped off his toes. 88 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,958 They shot him with arrows made of frozen snakes 89 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,927 and they pulled out his eyes and replaced them 90 00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,929 with chocolate‐covered pistachios. 91 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,598 But still, Ignatius refused to recant. 92 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,501 So they boiled his bones in sparkling cherry wine. 93 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,704 So that's why the thrice‐martyred saint 94 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,339 is remembered with spumoni, 95 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,109 the chocolate pistachio cherry ice cream treat. 96 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,947 (retches) Ugh. Not good. 97 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,149 Uh, yes, uh, thank you, Super‐Fish. 98 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:12,652 And now, let us show our deep reverence for Jesus 99 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:15,956 by festooning his statue with dollar bills. 100 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,925 ♪ ♪ 101 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,961 Pin a dollar on Jesus, Homer. 102 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,596 He doesn't need money. 103 00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:25,465 (whispers): I hear his father's loaded. 104 00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:26,700 (Marge groans) 105 00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,270 Hey, where's my wallet? 106 00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,938 Yeah, my wallet's gone, too. 107 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,840 ‐My purse! ‐My belt! 108 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,308 My clutch! 109 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,311 We are the victims of a pocket‐picking pandemic. 110 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,614 Do something, Wet Panther! 111 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,249 ♪ ♪ 112 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,824 Peter Piper picked a peck of pocket wallets? 113 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,527 How many paupers did Peter's pocket picking produce? 114 00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:56,530 (sighs) I'm afraid no pants are safe from this Dockers stalker, 115 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:59,366 this chino bandito, this trouser browser. 116 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,537 But Chief Wiggum vows he will solve this pickle of a puzzle. 117 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,472 Oh, I solved it, all right. 118 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,674 "Thief of polite." "Thief of polite." 119 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,142 I said it first! 120 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:13,446 Wiggum, I hate to interrupt this important police work... 121 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:16,516 "Police." That's it. "Thief of police." 122 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,653 Hey! I need that to switch to Access Hollywood. 123 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:21,822 You need a lot more than that. 124 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,824 I'm Lenora Carter, special investigator 125 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,826 from the attorney general's office, 126 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,061 and I'm taking over this case. 127 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,063 Uh, look, ma'am, you seem nice, but no one 128 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,866 comes into my precinct and tells me what to do. 129 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,901 ‐Shut up and listen. ‐Yes, ma'am. 130 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,838 You are the worst police officer I've ever had the pleasure 131 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,906 of humiliating in front of his men. 132 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:43,243 (chuckles) You are so fat, you're good cop and bad cop. 133 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,912 Your drug‐sniffing dog is in rehab. 134 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,581 Okay, it's for sex addiction. 135 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:51,218 You there, Riggs and Murtaugh. Ha. 136 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,385 ‐Hmm. ‐O‐Oh. 137 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,921 It's time to do some real police work. 138 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,656 I see, fine. No, go ahead. 139 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,659 I'll go work out my feelings on the gun range. 140 00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,094 (gunfire) 141 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,596 We don't have a gun range! 142 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:03,997 ‐(gunfire) ‐(Wiggum screams) 143 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:09,603 We'll trap the pickpocket by planting a wallet with a tracer 144 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:13,573 in a rear end so huge, no criminal could miss it. 145 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,376 ‐We need to find the biggest ass in town. ‐HOMER: Hello. 146 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:20,780 Could you direct me to the Office of Park Bench Removal? 147 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,315 Yeah, just take a seat, sir. 148 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,317 Thank you, I have my own. 149 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,153 (vocalizing) 150 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,956 I'm not letting my husband risk his life. 151 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,791 I admit it, I'm scared. 152 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:34,995 Ma'am, this is a matter of public urgency. 153 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,331 Your husband's rear end is bigger than the both of us. 154 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,233 (laughs) 155 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,334 (humming) 156 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,236 With your kids' permission, we can watch 157 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:46,473 your father's butt crack this case wide open. 158 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,009 (Bart and Lisa laugh) 159 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,912 (chuckles) "Wide open." 160 00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,816 Homer, we're placing this tracking device in your wallet. 161 00:06:56,883 --> 00:07:00,453 Then you just have to put that sweet seat meat on the street. 162 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,122 Now let me pull your wallet up 163 00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,924 so it's just peeking over the pocket. 164 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,659 Uhp‐bup‐bup. Allow me. 165 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,494 Pick a card. Any card. 166 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,130 Thank God that thing is on our side. 167 00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,299 ♪ I don't think you're ready for this ♪ 168 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,467 ♪ 'Cause my body's too bootylicious for you, babe... ♪ 169 00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,803 (audience booing) 170 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,072 ♪ I don't think you're ready for this jelly ♪ 171 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,107 ♪ I don't think you're ready for this ♪ 172 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,643 ♪ 'Cause my body's too bootylicious for you, babe ♪ 173 00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:26,279 ♪ Baby, can you handle this? ♪ 174 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,682 ♪ Baby, can you handle this? ♪ 175 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,988 (whoops) 176 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,223 ‐(beeping) ‐We've got our target. 177 00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,663 (quietly): What are you doing here? 178 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,165 (quietly): I admit it, 179 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,200 I couldn't stay away. I was following you. 180 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,869 Also, I was driving around to put Ralphie to sleep. 181 00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,871 That kid will not go down. 182 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:55,208 I'm a lotto ball. You lose again, Daddy. 183 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,543 We're going in. 184 00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:59,212 Ah‐ah‐ah. Except you. 185 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,314 ♪ ♪ 186 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,353 (gunshot echoes) 187 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,455 Ah, you work with two guys all your life 188 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,056 and you think you know 'em. 189 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:13,693 Betrayed by Lou and, uh, the other guy. 190 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,128 What is his name again? 191 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,297 (chuckles): I‐I want to say Greg. 192 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:24,971 You know, Uncle, guests, like fish, stink after three days. 193 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,308 I told you once, I told you a thousand times, 194 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,044 I'm not leaving until my wife forgives me. 195 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,414 ‐She's dead. ‐You always take her side! 196 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,883 Cops? What are you doing here? 197 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,519 This is a setup. W‐What are these things? 198 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,722 I was told this was an Asian fusion pop‐up restaurant, 199 00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:45,358 but I see no Asian nor fusion. 200 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,360 Marion "Fat Tony" D'Amico, 201 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,296 you're under arrest for heading a pickpocket ring. 202 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,932 But I've never seen these wallets before. 203 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:54,634 The‐the room is spinning. 204 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:58,571 So this is what it feels like to be innocent. 205 00:08:58,638 --> 00:08:59,706 (body thuds) 206 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,242 And this is how it feels to be irrelevant. 207 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:04,010 Daddy's an elephant. 208 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,446 No‐no, I'm not an elephant, Ralphie, 209 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,782 and‐and please don't you forget it. 210 00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,851 ("Baby Elephant Walk" by Henry Mancini playing) 211 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,602 The Wolf of Wallet Street? (chuckles) 212 00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:33,606 Reputed mobster Fat Tony D'Amico is at last behind bars. 213 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,510 My wife. 214 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,080 My goomar. 215 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,084 My teacup pig. 216 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,318 (pig squeals) 217 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,156 (Wiggum groans) 218 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,624 What's wrong, Chief? 219 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:54,127 Marge, you ever felt like life has passed you by, 220 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,762 there's no point? 221 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,697 Oh, you're just having a rough patch. 222 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,166 It happens to all men in their 50s. 223 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,768 I'm 38, Marge. 224 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:02,869 (Marge groans) 225 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,605 Chief, do you know why I love my husband? 226 00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:08,808 For that most romantic of reasons: inertia. 227 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,878 I love him because he's not afraid to fail. 228 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:16,349 He has boundless unjustified confidence, and you should, too. 229 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,184 Really? You think so? 230 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:21,020 Boy, suddenly, I‐I see a break in the clouds. 231 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,256 I will not let you down, Marge. 232 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,395 Uh, Marge, can I get a ride to the station? 233 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,364 Uh, Ralphie will stay with the car. 234 00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,433 ♪ ♪ 235 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:41,174 Dear Lord, who sees all, the jabronis and the mamalukes, 236 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,009 you know I am innocent. 237 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,378 In your mercy and by your grace, 238 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,982 help me kneecap the rat Judas who set me up. 239 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,550 Amen. 240 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,890 Almighty God, I'm not a praying man. 241 00:10:56,956 --> 00:11:00,260 For me, getting down on my knees is often a one‐way trip. 242 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,163 I‐I know I made a deal with the devil to be chief, 243 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,566 but please just ignore that and help me out, will ya? 244 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,574 Dear Lord, please bring back plastic straws. 245 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,777 The paper ones get soggy so fast. 246 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,213 I brought the mob lawyer right away 247 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,447 like you asked, boss. 248 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,550 They wouldn't even let me put my pants on. 249 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,385 I was barely able to grab my rate clock. 250 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,887 Al diavolo rate clock. Get me out of here. 251 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,490 ‐And I mean fast. ‐Patience. Patience. 252 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,159 Okay, what have they got you on? 253 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,329 (slowly): Murder one? 254 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,165 (slowly): Murder two? 255 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,668 Pickpocketing! Quit talking slow! 256 00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,836 (slowly): All right. 257 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,939 Actually, I'm innocent. 258 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:48,174 Innocent?! Innocent?! 259 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,977 A judge wouldn't believe you for a second. 260 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,546 I've got nothing to work with here. 261 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:56,950 What would you even plead? You really did it this time. 262 00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,118 ‐I didn't do it. ‐(groans) 263 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,456 ‐You want me to whack him, boss? ‐No! Just usher him out. 264 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,292 Got it. I'll "usher him out." 265 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,228 I mean show him the door. 266 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,964 Right. I'll "show him the door." 267 00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:13,666 Whatever you think I want you to do, just do the opposite! 268 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,735 (muttering in Italian) 269 00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:19,172 (speaking Italian) 270 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,241 (both speaking Italian) 271 00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:30,783 ♪ ♪ 272 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:41,861 The one crime I would never commit is pickpocketing. 273 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,397 Huh. He seems sincere. 274 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,199 I am sincere. 275 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,802 When I was a boy, my father, Fatso Antonio, 276 00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,738 needed a heart transplant. 277 00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:55,575 On its way to the hospital, that heart was pickpocketed. 278 00:12:55,642 --> 00:13:00,113 My father died the way no made man should die: 279 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:02,615 of natural causes. 280 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,450 (cries) 281 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:07,053 Oh, my God. I discovered a clue. 282 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,822 (chuckles) I found an electric toothbrush. 283 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,958 (Taser crackles) 284 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,193 Well, he'll sleep good tonight. 285 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,962 I can tell he's innocent, 286 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,997 with a certainty you can only develop 287 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,334 putting hundreds of innocent people in jail. 288 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:25,538 DNA technology has not been my friend. 289 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:27,840 GUARD: Lights out! 290 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,375 Psst. Psst, psst. 291 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:32,612 Why do you "psst" me? I'm not going anywhere. 292 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:33,846 (quietly): I think you're innocent. 293 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,715 But you're gonna have to convince me 294 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,618 to ignore your entire past history. 295 00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,687 ♪ ♪ 296 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:44,857 I was not born a rich man. 297 00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:48,461 Where I grew up, there was one way out: your fists. 298 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,697 Or the many scholarships available 299 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,899 to young Italian‐American students. 300 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:55,068 But the forms required information, 301 00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,070 and I ain't no snitch. 302 00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,371 All right, I'm losing my confidence. 303 00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,806 You did it, didn't you? 304 00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:03,509 I swear on this former priest that I didn't do it. 305 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,545 He's not guilty. 306 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:08,448 ‐And I know guilty. ‐And I can prove it. 307 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,384 ‐Well, go ahead. ‐I said I can prove it. 308 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,519 I didn't say I would. 309 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,355 Well, why wouldn't you? 310 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,558 Because what I was actually doing at the time is something 311 00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:22,195 a mob boss cannot do and let people know. 312 00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:23,963 If you help me, I swear an oath 313 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,132 we'll find the guy that framed you. 314 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,301 All right, I will show you what I was doing 315 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,936 when the heist went down. 316 00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,070 (groans): Oh. 317 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,040 It's so embarrassing, it has to be true. 318 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,775 Give me your phone. 319 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,315 This is what I do every day at that time, 320 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,916 the time of the crime. 321 00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:47,987 As you will see, I walk into my private space, 322 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,323 I gargle, 323 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,660 and then, God help me, I... 324 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,963 ‐♪ Good times and bum times ♪ ‐("I'm Still Here" playing) 325 00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:00,032 ♪ I've seen them all and, my dear ♪ 326 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,769 ♪ I'm still here ♪ 327 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,771 ♪ Plush velvet sometimes ♪ 328 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,140 ♪ Sometimes just pretzels and beer ♪ 329 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,141 (grunts) 330 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:10,009 ♪ But I'm here... ♪ 331 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:16,816 Now you know. When I'm alone, I sing show tunes. 332 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,919 You didn't steal those wallets. You stole my heart. 333 00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:21,821 Leave it on. 334 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:25,425 ♪ Ten years a mob boss, hits and whacks ♪ 335 00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:29,695 ♪ Bought judges and mayors, and never paid tax... ♪ 336 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,597 ‐Okay, that's enough. ‐(music stops) 337 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,999 Definitely enough. 338 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,639 We're gonna get you out, today. 339 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,175 (groans) Appreciate the offer, Chief, 340 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,243 but prison has changed me. 341 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:48,080 Now I'm thinking I should just give up, serve out my term, 342 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:51,684 then sit in the warm sun outside the butcher shop. 343 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,019 Isn't that what you always did? 344 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:55,254 Yeah, but every few hours, 345 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,857 someone would whisper something into my ear, 346 00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:01,093 then I had to decide whether to nod or shrug. 347 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,597 It was very stressful. The agita. 348 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:07,633 Uh, I thought you wanted to get the guy who put you here. 349 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:08,868 I do. 350 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:11,871 Well, we will, if you will wear a wire. 351 00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:15,675 I'm sorry, but on principle, that is something I cannot do. 352 00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:20,112 Let me repeat: something I cannot do. 353 00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:23,583 ♪ ♪ 354 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,269 (tires screech) 355 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,073 Now, remember the phrase to call for help. 356 00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:49,242 ‐What phrase? ‐"Remember the phrase." 357 00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,077 I will. What phrase is it? 358 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:53,412 "Remember the phrase." 359 00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:56,716 I would if you would tell me what it is. 360 00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,885 The phrase is "remember the phrase." 361 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,254 That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 362 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,589 Just remember, your life depends on us. 363 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,157 Oh, and please, no profanity. 364 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,926 I play these for the missus 365 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,995 when we're, uh, we're getting in the mood. 366 00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,162 (laughs) 367 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,165 (groans) 368 00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:16,736 A toast to Fat Tony, a man like a Botticelli nude: 369 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,071 fat, old and easy to frame, huh? 370 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:21,040 (laughter) 371 00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,909 Hello, fellas. 372 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,977 Fat Tony. I was just saying how much we missed you. 373 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,479 Huh? Huh, guys? 374 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,548 ‐Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, we said that. ‐(nervous murmuring) 375 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,550 Quiet! I don't want to hear anybody 376 00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,552 but Frankie the Squealer. 377 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,388 W‐W‐What do, w‐what do you want to hear from me? 378 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,561 The name of the man who framed you? I would never. 379 00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,129 I didn't say Johnny Tightlips. 380 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,964 I would never say Johnny Tightlips. 381 00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:47,500 Ladies and gentlemen, our new boss, Johnny Tightlips. 382 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,603 So, it was you, Johnny. 383 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,005 ‐What? Hey! Whoa! ‐You! 384 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,875 After all your passive‐aggressive replies 385 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:59,045 and bitter looks, I never would've guessed. 386 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:02,148 You mistook my taciturn nature for fealty. 387 00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:04,617 But it was simply that I didn't feel comfortable 388 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,419 in social situations. 389 00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:07,987 Then I saw this commercial 390 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:11,457 where a sad cloud goes on a date with the sun. 391 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,993 So I talked to my doctor about Paxil, 392 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:17,463 and it gave me the confidence to betray you. 393 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,099 (agreeable chatter) 394 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:23,736 This is my crew now. Ain't that right, Jimmy Kissass? 395 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,771 You was always my favorite. 396 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,673 What about you, Sonny Go‐along? 397 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,675 I'm good if everyone else is. 398 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,877 ‐Willie Whatever? ‐Whatever. 399 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,347 And you, Joey Can't‐Read‐the‐Room? 400 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,949 You're nuts! Ain't none of us gonna go along with this! 401 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,585 Yeah, see, that's‐‐ you didn't‐‐ that's not... 402 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,289 (bottle shatters) 403 00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,362 ("Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey playing) 404 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,797 ♪ Just a small town girl... ♪ 405 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,000 I'm surprised Maggie isn't here. 406 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,469 ♪ Lonely world ♪ 407 00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,504 ♪ She took the midnight train ♪ 408 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,607 ♪ Going anywhere... ♪ 409 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,210 Mmm, this pasta's delicious. 410 00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:06,278 I'm gonna find out what the sauce is. 411 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,847 Remember the phrase. 412 00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:09,949 WIGGUM (over radio): Remember what phrase? 413 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,184 ‐Oh, right. ‐(siren wailing) 414 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,390 Ooh, sauce. 415 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,361 Oh! I'm hit! 416 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,732 Right in the heart... of your ass. 417 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,735 Someone's got to suck out the bullet. 418 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:33,005 Wiggum, damn it, this is what you were born to do. 419 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:34,507 (sucking) 420 00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:36,475 ‐♪ Don't stop... ♪ ‐(music stops abruptly) 421 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,112 There he is. 422 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,915 We thought we were gonna lose you for a minute there, champ. 423 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,617 (laughs) 424 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,085 You have the chief here to thank. 425 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,487 His quick suction may have saved your life. 426 00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:50,790 (hoarse): Thank you. 427 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,430 Well, Wiggum, I have to say, when I first met you, 428 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:59,565 I thought you were totally incompetent. 429 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,567 (chuckles) 430 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,335 And? 431 00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:06,472 ‐And? ‐(tires screech) 432 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,775 And?! A‐And?! And?! 433 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,844 I believe in you, Chief. 434 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,379 And, yeah, that‐that's enough. 435 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,985 The three of us, we are not that different. 436 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,620 Whoa! Hey, whoa! 437 00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,422 What's this guy talking about? 438 00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:25,458 We are cicciobomba, 439 00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:29,328 who like to sit in the sun and enjoy a nice prosciutto. 440 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,630 Cicciobomba, prosciutto. 441 00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:34,133 You guys make garbage sound good. 442 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,369 We call garbage spazzatura. 443 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:41,407 Mmm... garbage. 444 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,743 ‐(laughter) ‐Garbage. 445 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:59,792 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 446 00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:30,723 Shh!