1 00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,206 I got a few days left! 2 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,275 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,612 (shrieks) 4 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,785 (school bell rings) 5 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:21,989 (burps) 6 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,091 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:25,659 (yells) 8 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,164 (beeping) 9 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,770 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,839 (playing lively jazz music) 11 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:44,678 (tires screech) 12 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:47,848 D'oh! 13 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,317 (grunts) 14 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,023 (train whistle blowing) 15 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,728 Haw‐haw! 16 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,699 ♪ ♪ 17 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,506 ♪ ♪ 18 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,011 Hey, little lady. 19 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,681 You'd be a lot prettier if you smiled. 20 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,349 What? Who are you? 21 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,152 I'm a man. So I know what I'm talking about. 22 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,955 Smile and you'll be a lot more popular. 23 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,291 Are you serious? You know I'll remember this forever, right? 24 00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,727 Well, that's what therapy's for. 25 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:37,364 And he told me I wouldn't be pretty unless I smiled. 26 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,800 Sweetie, you are very pretty. 27 00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:42,035 And thanks to the puberty app on my phone, 28 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,804 we can see what lies ahead. 29 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,680 (buzzer sounding) 30 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,482 Wait. This can't be real. 31 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,317 I already had braces. 32 00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,721 Oh. Well, I‐I'm afraid you have to get them again. 33 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,889 The man we thought was your orthodontist 34 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,259 was actually a rogue periodontist. 35 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,062 (scoffs) Rogue periodontist. 36 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,398 This family cheaps out on everything. 37 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,368 Homer took me to a "psychiatrist." 38 00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:18,071 After three sessions, I figured out it was a goat with glasses. 39 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,140 (bleats): Never went back. 40 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,977 (quietly): Braces? Again? 41 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:27,614 Why am I the only one in this family who needs braces? 42 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,183 (mouthpiece creaking) 43 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,219 (playing lively jazz) 44 00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,588 ‐(laughs) ‐Don't look so smug, boy. 45 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,690 Let's try this app on you. 46 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,761 Hello, Aaron Eckhart. (purrs) 47 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,063 Whoa‐ho! Puberty! 48 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,631 Let's see what comes next. 49 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,767 Cool. 50 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,936 Homie, look. We got this in the mail today. 51 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,104 HOMER: Aw, what is it? 52 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,939 Did I get drunk and buy useless stuff 53 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,241 on eBay again? 54 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,143 Let's get more. 55 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,446 Hello, Simpsons. 56 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,481 It's me, Artie Ziff, 57 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,884 in prerecorded form. 58 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,186 So you can't talk to me. 59 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,087 I can't? 60 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,689 No, you can't. 61 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,957 (quietly): Pause for laughs. 62 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,225 And thank you. 63 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,027 Artie Ziff? Isn't that the rich guy 64 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,595 who could have been our dad? 65 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,465 I am the only man your mother has ever been with, 66 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,734 and she doesn't have a single regret. 67 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,070 ‐Well... ‐You stay out of this, Marge! 68 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,906 Great news: I'm getting married, and you're invited! 69 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,975 ‐HOMER (groans): Oh. ‐Why, you ask, am I getting married? 70 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,112 ‐I've found my soul mate! ‐(fireworks popping) 71 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,548 ‐Jealous? ‐(easy listening music plays) 72 00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,550 April 12th, very rich man's wedding. 73 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,884 Regrets only. 74 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,152 Chicken or fish. 75 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,787 Or vegan. 76 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,155 Bye! 77 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,590 So, what else is in the mail? 78 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,326 We got a flyer from Lowe's! 79 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,762 (gasps) Three‐quarter plywood. 80 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,597 $20 a sheet! 81 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,432 I'm a‐comin'! 82 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,835 Oh, I don't have a car. 83 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,837 You're not really thinking of going, are you? 84 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,839 That jerk kept trying to break us up. 85 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,309 Now, I am sensing conflicted feelings. 86 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:06,046 If you come, I promise you a wonderful time. 87 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,115 ‐Champagne, caviar, ‐(fanfare playing) 88 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,917 deep‐fried ice sculptures, a guy who guesses your weight, 89 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,086 who always guesses low! 90 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,354 (easy listening music plays) 91 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:16,490 Thank you. 92 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,459 And now to celebrate, here's Tupac Shakur! 93 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,027 ♪ Don't be tardy ♪ 94 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,463 ♪ My boy Artie is throwing a party ♪ 95 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,465 ♪ This wedding's gonna be fly ♪ 96 00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,868 ♪ Why won't you people let me die? ♪ 97 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,703 How do you turn this off? 98 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,705 There's no off to the Artie show. 99 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,374 ‐I decide when... ‐Please set me free. 100 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,876 Oh, here it is. 101 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,778 TUPAC: God bless you. 102 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,350 (singing happily) 103 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:47,053 Now everyone's favorite: rinse and spit. 104 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,421 (gargles) 105 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,091 And I'm done... with the top braces. 106 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,059 We'll put the bottoms in next week. 107 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,596 And after that, just a lifetime of wearing retainers. 108 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,431 Well, they're practically invisible. 109 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,801 (slurred): I can't close my mouth. 110 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,170 The brackets are holding up your lips at the edges. 111 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,438 They'll adjust. The main thing is you're happy. 112 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,174 I'm not happy. 113 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,176 ‐Have a little nitrous. ‐(gas whooshes) 114 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,343 (giggles) 115 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:13,847 Oh, they should revoke your license. Ha! 116 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:14,848 More, please. 117 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,850 ‐That's enough. ‐No, it's not! 118 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,451 ‐(gas whooshes) ‐Yeah, give me that. 119 00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:21,054 I thought your name is "Kidzrule." 120 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,390 Shortened from "Kidzrulovitch," 121 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:26,526 which is Romanian for "kill all the children." 122 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,895 (mellow jazz music playing) 123 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:32,566 (creaking) 124 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:33,667 (bell dings) 125 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,502 (lively chatter) 126 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,703 HOMER: Hmm. 127 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,406 That elevator has the capacity for 32 people! 128 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:42,275 (sighs) We brought a rhino up here last week. 129 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,277 HOMER: Hmm. 130 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,112 ‐Hmm. ‐(calf moos) 131 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,849 ‐Hmm! ‐My headaches are so bad. 132 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,619 ("Flower Duet" playing) 133 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,390 ARTIE: Jealous? 134 00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:01,695 Feet. 135 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,396 You're one in a million. 136 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,398 Literally. Don't fall off the roof. 137 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,067 Homer Simpson! 138 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,936 The man who beat me to planet Marge. 139 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,905 You've done all right for a billionaire. 140 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,773 Hey, I'm not made of money. 141 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,542 Although, actually I am. 142 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,344 After my parole, I got rich 143 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,946 selling fireplace logs that look like cash, 144 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,015 i.e., Money to Burn. 145 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,684 (chuckles) That is the greatest. 146 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,219 It says "Money to Burn." 147 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,221 It looks like you're burning money! 148 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,823 Yes, that's the idea. 149 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,258 (laughing): No, no, no. 150 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,326 It's so funny. Don't you get it? 151 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,428 Of course get it. I thought of it. 152 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:38,164 No, no, no. Listen, it says "Money to Burn," 153 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,400 but it's actually... (laughing) 154 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,903 I know! I know! Talk to someone else. 155 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,438 Hey, pal, you're a news guy. Give it to me straight. 156 00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,140 Is this wedding on the level? 157 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,242 Here's the scoop. It's legit! 158 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,712 In other news, local newsman hopes to score with caterer. 159 00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,815 This just in: she knows I'm married. 160 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,851 Coming up at 11:00: nothing. 161 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,953 Now, Homer, as this is a bachelor party, 162 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,855 I want to show you something. 163 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,291 But, uh, no word to the wives. 164 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,459 How did you meet your wife, by the way? 165 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,562 Usual: boy meets girl, girl meets bank account. 166 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,464 Now, shut your eyes. 167 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:14,167 You've never seen a body this enticing. 168 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,836 (gasps) Exactly what I imagined! 169 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,838 (grunts, chews noisily) 170 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,025 ‐Food coma. He'll be fine. ‐(monitor beeping steadily) 171 00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:23,276 Huh? 172 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,444 Hmm. 173 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,079 (chews noisily) 174 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,747 ‐(flatlining beep) ‐(groans) 175 00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,684 BOTH: Hey, girlfriend! 176 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,519 Uh, who, me? 177 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,455 Lisa, did you get your eyebrows waxed? 178 00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,357 You look amazing! 179 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,025 I don't have eyebrows. 180 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,561 Well, check out these twin caterpillars. 181 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,063 Huh? Huh? 182 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,564 What's going on? 183 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,967 Her smile makes me feel full, 184 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:49,202 like I actually ate dinner last night. 185 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,972 If you never eat, how come you're so fat? 186 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,206 ‐(grunts) ‐Ow! 187 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,508 Americans can be fat and poor. 188 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,677 That's what makes us so great. 189 00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,680 And so, after saving Wilbur, 190 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,183 Charlotte crawled off to die, 191 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:07,520 as all barn spiders do (sniffles) in the fall. 192 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,022 (sobs) 193 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,358 Bravo, Lisa. 194 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,227 What a positive note on which to end the class. 195 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,896 (sniffles) Positive? Positive? 196 00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:20,800 Charlotte died alone at the saddest place on Earth, 197 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,169 an empty fairground. 198 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,072 Well, your smiling face made dying alone fun. 199 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,641 And believe me, that's where I'm headed. 200 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,477 So as long as I'm smiling, 201 00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,912 it doesn't matter what comes out of my mouth? 202 00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,414 Or your nose. 203 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,652 I don't need these anymore. 204 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,790 This'll go good in Willie's stew. 205 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,728 LISA: Can it really be that people are this shallow? 206 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:52,465 (chanting): Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 207 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,235 And am I shallow enough to enjoy this? 208 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,137 (gasps) I am! 209 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,638 (straining grunt) 210 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,307 I'm so happy, I could sing! 211 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,409 (sings) 212 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,345 ♪ Hello, world! ♪ 213 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,913 Ow, ow, ow. 214 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,982 That really hurts with the braces. 215 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,985 ‐Take your pick. ‐What is it? 216 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,320 No idea. The labels are in Spanish. 217 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,256 (rhythmic rattling) 218 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,862 ‐Hey, gorgeous. ‐Hey, Bart. 219 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,698 Lisa? Oh, yuck! I didn't know that was you. 220 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,434 (coughing, gagging) 221 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,937 It's the smile. It's totally changed how people see me. 222 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,873 Well, I just want you to know, you'll always be gross to me. 223 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,875 Oh, thank God. I was having doubts, 224 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,211 trying to figure out if this is sexist. 225 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,313 And then I found this. 226 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,382 (low, ominous music plays) 227 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,188 (upbeat music playing) 228 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,158 It seems like ever since the pill, 229 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,994 the workplace has been full of single women. 230 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,696 Here's your coffee, Jim. 231 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,666 Extra sugar, just how you like it. 232 00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:02,469 Hmm. Remind me to get a divorce. 233 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,805 But some women are having trouble "fitting in." 234 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,807 Well, I can't figure it out, Jim. 235 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,043 I was all prepared for a big presentation, 236 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,879 but it went over like a nun at a go‐go bar. 237 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,814 Well, there's one thing you didn't prepare, 238 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,216 and that's your face. 239 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,485 But I'm wearing a pound of Mary Kay. 240 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,820 Let me touch your body and show you the problem. 241 00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,555 No need to ask. 242 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,723 Mm. 243 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,425 You've got a secret weapon 244 00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,427 sitting in the middle of your face. 245 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,829 Now you're sure to get that promotion. 246 00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,564 ‐Really? ‐(laughs) 247 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,866 No. 248 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,668 Ugh! Don't you see why I hate this? 249 00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,337 'Cause you hate everything? 250 00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,573 Because it makes that jerky old guy right! 251 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,076 I am more popular because I'm smiling. 252 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,511 Told ya! 253 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,080 (growling) 254 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,582 ("La Primavera" from Vivaldi's The Four Seasons playing) 255 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,689 Wow. Not a single picture of Artie. 256 00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:58,825 Maybe he has matured. 257 00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:05,331 Well, I guess being here sort of ends a chapter in my life. 258 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,800 So, lehayim. 259 00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:10,436 That's odd. 260 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,473 Not one person from the bride's family. 261 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,610 ("Bridal Chorus" playing) 262 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,547 Excuse me. We need someone to walk the bride down the aisle. 263 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:21,781 Could you? 264 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,350 First, tell me one thing: How long is the aisle? 265 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,718 About 20 feet. 266 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,220 All right, I'll do it. 267 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,289 But double cake. 268 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,761 (sniffles) They grow up so fast. 269 00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,497 I knew this day would come. (sobs) 270 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:40,567 You'll always be my little girl. Mm. 271 00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,803 If he ever hurts my baby, I'll kill him. 272 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,772 Oh, for crying out loud. 273 00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:47,941 Friends, family, 274 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:49,943 I take great delight in informing you 275 00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:52,612 that the bride and groom have written their own vows. 276 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,314 (crowd groans) 277 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,417 Stick to the script, amateurs! 278 00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,254 (ominous music plays) 279 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,689 Oh, my God. 280 00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:04,190 This is too weird. 281 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,726 Artie, you are the greatest lover ever. 282 00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,629 When we make sex, it is so, so good. 283 00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:12,131 I can't take this anymore. We're getting out of here. 284 00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,567 Yeah. This is really creepy. 285 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,636 Even the rhino's leaving. 286 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,740 You may now kiss the bride. 287 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,245 (Artie groans) 288 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,647 And this is a picture of us at our wedding. 289 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:28,982 You're so happy. 290 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:30,984 And here's us on our honeymoon. 291 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:33,152 Two days in Ohio, two days in Michigan, 292 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:38,124 and, booyah, up to Ontario for some international flavor. 293 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,325 (chuckles) 294 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,827 I'm not happy. 295 00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:43,730 MILHOUSE: I have a drawing of you saying that in Michigan. 296 00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,398 This smile is so wrong. 297 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,033 There's nothing to be happy about. 298 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,069 The world is a mess, and so is this school. 299 00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,206 I mean, how hard is this? 300 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,276 The happy girl put the thing in the hole! 301 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,081 Wait a minute. 302 00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:05,518 I could use my new power to change these things, 303 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,253 use it for good. 304 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,322 ♪ ♪ 305 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,931 (grunting) 306 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,368 Indubitably. 307 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,837 KEARNEY/JIMBO/DOLPH: Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 308 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,706 I can make it happen. 309 00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,975 Hurry! 310 00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,350 You posers. 311 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,552 I was for Lisa before it was cool. 312 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,187 You never liked Lisa. 313 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,022 What? You got to remember that. 314 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,891 That's my one thing! 315 00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:47,894 No. Your thing is crying when you're punched. 316 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,562 ‐Prove it. ‐(grunts) 317 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,798 Ow! (crying) 318 00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,300 Aw, you're taking all the fun out of it. 319 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,602 The polls are in, and you're doing great. 320 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,014 You're picking up the key group: girls who don't like Milhouse. 321 00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,373 You're big with swing voters, 322 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,342 but the teeter‐totters could go either way. 323 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,876 What about the kids on the slide? 324 00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,144 Eh, they're up and down, 325 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,013 but the kids on the monkey bars are climbing. 326 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,147 That's all I got. 327 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,416 Like every election with one week to go, 328 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,051 this is in the bag. 329 00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:13,353 Don't be so sure. 330 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,188 I'm up against a tough opponent: 331 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,156 Dubya Spuckler. 332 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,592 Look at this negative ad he did. 333 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,462 Lisa Simpson says "writin'" ends with a "G" 334 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,964 and "'rithmetic" starts with a "A." 335 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,033 You know what I say? 336 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:32,105 Don't worry. You just keep smiling. 337 00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:34,707 Well, I do have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow 338 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:35,942 for a tune‐up. 339 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:38,444 In the bag, Madam President. 340 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,213 Bup, don't be so sure. 341 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:43,116 Hey, I drew a picture of your inauguration. 342 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:46,386 I don't think I've ever looked more radiant. 343 00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,823 (humming) 344 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,826 Okay, kid. Your bottom braces are on. 345 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,796 (gasps) What happened to my smile? 346 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,432 No, no, no, this is terrible. 347 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,300 I look like I actually feel. 348 00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,703 In six months, you'll have perfect teeth. 349 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,539 Six months? I have to smile now. 350 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,141 No, I can power through this. 351 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:09,542 (straining grunt) 352 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,444 Ow. Ow. 353 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,213 Uh, Ralph lost his retainer in the trash. 354 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,915 What can we, uh, do here? 355 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,217 New ones are $500. 356 00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,720 Uh, so just what is this secret mission, Chief? 357 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,556 Well, let's just say you're on retainer. 358 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,625 (chuckling) 359 00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:30,129 ♪ ♪ 360 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,702 ‐Let's see. I'll take this. ‐Aw, stop that. 361 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,972 Aw, come on, Marge. This minibar is paid for. 362 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:43,443 Do you know the street value of this Toblerone? 363 00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,178 Homer, stop it. 364 00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,680 I can't help thinking about that poor woman. 365 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:51,050 Artie only married her because she looks like me. 366 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,819 I mean, a lot like me. 367 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,987 You're right. We have to find her and tell her. 368 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,989 But, first, there's something naughty 369 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,058 I want to do with this bed. 370 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,431 (giggles) 371 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,367 Are you sure we should be here? 372 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,169 This is technically his honeymoon. 373 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:13,439 ARTIE: Achm! Achm! Achm! 374 00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:16,442 Artie? 375 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,045 I'm at the lowest point of my life! 376 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:21,113 But come on in. 377 00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,618 As a woman, I just want to tell your wife 378 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,520 what's really going on here. 379 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,188 Sure, why not? 380 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,357 Say it to her face! 381 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,358 (both scream) 382 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,893 Now you know my secret. 383 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,362 I've spent years trying to build the perfect copy 384 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,432 of the only woman for me: you, Marge. 385 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,170 But they were all inferior in some way. 386 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,506 This one lacks kindness. 387 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,341 This one keeps trying to kill me. 388 00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,176 This one's head is a toaster! 389 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,845 And the slots aren't even big enough for a bagel! 390 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,382 Why would you marry a machine? 391 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:57,550 I didn't. 392 00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,385 It was one last trick. 393 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,521 I thought when you saw how perfect we look together, 394 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,190 you would realize that we were meant to be. 395 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:08,628 I am, as the poet once said, a dumb schmuck. 396 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,229 ‐Artie. ‐Yes? 397 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,998 You're not dumb. You're smart. 398 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,833 And I think this crazy project 399 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,002 actually had some brilliance in it. 400 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:19,572 Imagine if you use that noodle for good. 401 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,908 Wow. Wow. 402 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:26,379 Only you could find a pearl in the flabby oyster that is me. 403 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,614 I will become a better human being. 404 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,882 Terrific. 405 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,784 And then you'll love me? 406 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,119 No. 407 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,756 Well, then, I finally give up. 408 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,324 Or do I? 409 00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,861 Aw, damn it. 410 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:46,165 Artie, you and your blue crew of Margekateers 411 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,000 have done so many good deeds. 412 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,168 What's next? 413 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,237 I'm gonna make one of them my bride. 414 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,140 Hey, I didn't give you wings. 415 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,042 MARGE BOT: Life finds a way! 416 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,289 ‐Uh, let's quiet down, please. ‐(excited chatter) 417 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,048 The sooner we can get this debate over, 418 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,849 the sooner the teachers can get ice cream. 419 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,217 CROWD: Boo! 420 00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,687 None for Seymour. He gets gassy. 421 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,221 Yeah, I‐I know. 422 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:12,525 And now we have a very special moderator, 423 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,628 Governor Mary Bailey. 424 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,331 Our first candidate is Dubya Spuckler. 425 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,833 CROWD (chanting): Dubya! Dubya! 426 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,001 That's your brother. 427 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,970 He prefers the pronoun "they," 428 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:27,239 on account of the twin he absorbed in my belly. 429 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,176 Our other candidate is ill, so she'll be Skyping in. 430 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,744 Lisa Simpson. 431 00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,180 Lisa, I'm sorry, what do you have? 432 00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:36,916 What I have is an agenda for this school, 433 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:39,185 an agenda that looks forward. 434 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,921 I can deliver results, while my opponent 435 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,357 can't even spell "results." 436 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:47,326 Yes, I can. R‐E squiggly letter, 437 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,928 bucket letter, tall man, 438 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,696 little plus sign, squiggly letter. 439 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,064 ‐"Results." ‐(scattered cheers) 440 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,733 That's not how you spell "results." 441 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,569 (loudly): Lisa doesn't sound sick at all. 442 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,237 (nervous laugh) 443 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,473 (quietly): You said you've done this before. 444 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,075 It was my machismo talking. 445 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,081 (crowd gasps) 446 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,518 (gasps) Lisa's using a funny‐face app. 447 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,987 (panting) 448 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,922 (groans) 449 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,992 Listen, I tried to fool you, and that was wrong. 450 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,028 This is an abomination! 451 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,030 What are you doing at a school debate? 452 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,667 My illegitimate son goes here. 453 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,835 Oh, the shame. 454 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,837 I still have good ideas. 455 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,407 All I hear is "nag, nag, nag." 456 00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,842 CROWD (chanting): Dubya! Dubya! 457 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,545 Dubya! Dubya! 458 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:42,348 (groans): Oh, boy. 459 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,684 I didn't want to believe my popularity was 460 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,819 based on my stupid smile. 461 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,088 (groans): Oh, but it was. 462 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,323 You're just a kid, and things are changing. 463 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,426 In the future, women will be judged 464 00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,661 by what they say, not how they look. 465 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:59,865 Maybe, but the future is a really long way away. 466 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,301 Told you you should smile more. 467 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,804 The future is now! 468 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,372 (whoops) 469 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,588 A toast. I have finally perfected you. 470 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:16,415 You all look just like Marge, and you will never leave. 471 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:20,519 Now, which of you lucky girls wants to party with Arty? 472 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,157 (stilted): I am in power save mode. 473 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,660 Oh, fine. What about you two? 474 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:28,961 (stilted): Power save. 475 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,330 (stilted): One percent battery. 476 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,565 Hmm? 477 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:35,134 I just don't like you. 478 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:38,637 Oh! That counts as a kiss. 479 00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:26,051 Shh!