1 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:08,075 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,979 (shrieks) 3 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:23,290 (tires screech) 4 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,394 D'oh! 5 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:28,562 (grunts) 6 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:32,132 ‐(woozy groaning) ‐(whirring) 7 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,268 ‐(grunting) ‐("We Can Make the World Stop" by the Glitch Mob playing) 8 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:35,335 (shouts) 9 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,573 (shouting) 10 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,807 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,780 (propeller whirring) 12 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,649 ‐Flanders. ‐(shouts) 13 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,651 ♪ ♪ 14 00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,139 (tires screech) 15 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,314 (screams) 16 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,087 (screams) 17 00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,355 (shatters) 18 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:32,359 (theme music playing) 19 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,201 ♪ ♪ 20 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,436 Hmm. 21 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,304 ‐(chittering) ‐(yelps) 22 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,640 Maybe we should find a new playground. 23 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,078 ("La Primavera" by Vivaldi playing) 24 00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,747 Oh. Well, this looks nice. 25 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,749 Har‐har. 26 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,317 Shady trees, 27 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:59,052 bathrooms with doors 28 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,687 and that loopy‐loop slide 29 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:04,424 dumps you out on soft recycled tires. 30 00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,426 Oh, Pirellis. 31 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:09,329 Oh, look! It's your friend Hudson. 32 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,753 My son seems to really like your daughter. 33 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:36,923 ‐Courtney. ‐Marge. 34 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,226 (chuckles) Is that ironic or retro? 35 00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:40,427 It's my name. 36 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,163 They're having so much fun. 37 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,700 ‐Is she free for a playdate tomorrow? ‐Yes. 38 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,869 Has she been in the same room as a peanut recently? 39 00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:49,870 No. 40 00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,438 Can I check off her vaccinations? 41 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,274 TB? DTaP? Measles‐mumps‐rubella? 42 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,976 Yes, yes, yes. 43 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,413 Breast or bottle? 44 00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:00,847 Bottle, but I'm not a monster. 45 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,315 I can bring cookies. 46 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:03,850 (laughs) 47 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,186 White sugar. That's hilarious. 48 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,188 I'll have to tell my partner you said that. 49 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:11,525 Well, I'm gonna tell my partner you mocked white sugar. 50 00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,160 See you tomorrow. 51 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,702 Pancakes are on the table, Homie. 52 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,204 And flapjacks will be ready in a few minutes. 53 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,373 Marge, I'm trying to lose weight. 54 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,275 Pancakes will be fine. 55 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:29,376 Are you sure? 56 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:30,410 I have to face facts. 57 00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:31,745 In some small ways, 58 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,814 I've let myself go. 59 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,383 What's wrong? Who died? 60 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,751 We're worried you will. 61 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,253 We want you to live longer, Dad. 62 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,555 Never what I want. 63 00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,056 (sighs) Fine. 64 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,958 You know what, skip the pancakes. 65 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,393 I'll just have... 66 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,261 a grapefruit to go. 67 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,263 (gasping) 68 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:53,934 I didn't see the moon landing or the fall of the Berlin Wall, 69 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,504 but I did see my father take a grapefruit to go. 70 00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:02,709 (triumphant music plays) 71 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,645 (tires screech) 72 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,215 Thanks a lot, pal! 73 00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,716 You cost us the pennant! 74 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,284 Yeah, right there! 75 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,322 Ah, yesterday's pizza. 76 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,491 I've been dreaming about you, my friend. 77 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:20,827 While I slept, I said, "Extra large." 78 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:24,097 But I told my wife I said, "Sexy Marge." 79 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,399 (laughs) 80 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,168 ("The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss II playing) 81 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:39,613 Oh, why didn't I put on my pizza‐eating gloves? 82 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,214 Oh... 83 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,517 ("Halloween Theme" by John Carpenter playing) 84 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,357 (phone rings) 85 00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:51,958 CARL: Where are you, Homer? 86 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,894 Burns just called a staff meeting. 87 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,429 The only seats are next to him. 88 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,502 Oh, God, I need a miracle. 89 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,472 Hey, why don't you bring a balloon to your coworkers? 90 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:08,809 They're like kites without the hard work. 91 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,180 How long have you been selling balloons? 92 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,182 It's an interesting story. 93 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:18,318 ♪ Well, this is a story of a poor mountain man ♪ 94 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,487 ♪ Spoke worse English than Mr. Jackie Chan ♪ 95 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,389 ♪ Then one day, he was tendin' to his still ♪ 96 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:26,226 ♪ Heard a hissing sound and his pants began to fill ♪ 97 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,360 Helium. 98 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,862 See‐through gold. 99 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,531 Symbol, H‐E. 100 00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,166 ♪ Well, the first thing you know... ♪ 101 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,401 (exhales) 102 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:35,702 He's gone. 103 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,505 My best friend is gone. 104 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:39,673 BURNS: I want you to know 105 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:43,510 that the coworker you thought was Chip Incognito 106 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,679 was actually me undercover. 107 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,747 Sorry I'm late, everybody. Here, have a balloon. 108 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:51,451 Simpson, Mr. Burns is a Fortune 500 CEO. 109 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,452 He's not going to... 110 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,887 Quiet, you fool. 111 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,889 (inhales) Mmm. 112 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,457 (high‐pitched voice): Pure, uncut helium. 113 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,926 Thanks to birthday balloons, rarer than ever. 114 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,329 Smithers, might I remind you we pay a fortune 115 00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:05,332 for helium to cool our reactors? 116 00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:06,366 (high‐pitched): Right as always, sir. 117 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,335 That price is sky‐high! 118 00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:09,669 Where did you get this? 119 00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:12,339 Oh, the bumpkin I got it from has tons of it. 120 00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,340 But I got to warn you‐‐ 121 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:16,076 he has no idea of what it's worth. 122 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,744 Excellent. (chuckles) 123 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,746 How I love a good swindle. 124 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,414 ‐What do you think? ‐(whimpers) 125 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,216 He called on me! 126 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,417 Bah. 127 00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:27,087 As for you, Simpson, Employee of the Month. 128 00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,357 HOMER: So, Marge, 129 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,759 I killed it at the staff meeting today. 130 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,561 The key is preparation. 131 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,063 Something amazing has happened to Maggie. 132 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,299 She's in love. 133 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,404 Aw. 134 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,641 If this gets any cuter, I'm gonna bust. 135 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,911 Aw! Ooh! 136 00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,279 (barking) 137 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,482 Aw...! 138 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,354 (knocking) 139 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,390 BRANDINE: Cletus, get the dang door! 140 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:07,060 I can't very well answer the door with an unloaded shotgun, 141 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,195 can I, woman? 142 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,298 (stilted Southern accent): Howdy, neighbor. 143 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:15,235 May I offer you some Manhattan squirrel chowder? 144 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,471 (sniffing) You smell like indoor plumbin'. 145 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:19,673 (normal voice:) Mm. He's onto us. 146 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:21,574 No need to pretend we're inbred hicks. 147 00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:22,976 (grunts) No offense, goober. 148 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,145 None taken. 149 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,081 (bleats) 150 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,684 All right, Spuckler, you've got helium, which I want. 151 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:31,985 I've got what you want, 152 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,087 a tin cup filled with dimes. 153 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,690 ‐Let's make a deal. ‐(jangling) 154 00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:38,158 Now, hold on. 155 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,593 I likes to have a drink with a feller 156 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,363 beforen I make a busy‐ness deal. 157 00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,932 (chuckles) I have imbibed every intoxicant 158 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,601 from sweet Yale beer to Flint, Michigan water. 159 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:49,936 Do your worst. 160 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,005 (gulps, shudders) 161 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,842 Absolutely no effect upon my... 162 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,510 (groaning) 163 00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:00,180 (upbeat cabaret music playing) 164 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,459 Sir, maybe this Spuckler fellow 165 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,160 is a little smarter than we thought. 166 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,462 Nonsense. 167 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,530 Ow! 168 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:19,699 (whimpers) 169 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,802 Hmm. Perhaps it takes an idiot to catch an idiot. 170 00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:23,870 Hello! 171 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,005 Could I get a little help? 172 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,873 I dropped my sandwich in here. 173 00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,978 You and Mr. Spuckler will enter into what the hoi polloi 174 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,813 called a "friendship," 175 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,182 then use that friendship to destroy his life 176 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,584 from the inside out. 177 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,519 I don't know. He's got kids. 178 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,422 I can't cheat a family out of their home. 179 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,524 Mm‐hmm. But you're perfectly fine 180 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,226 cheating me out of their home. 181 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,695 Oh. You're trying to confuse me. 182 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,064 I got to get out. Where's the trap door? 183 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,699 (whirring) 184 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:53,733 (hoarsely): Save me. 185 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,069 You know Weinstein from Accounting. 186 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,070 (chuckles) 187 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,538 If you're confused, 188 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:01,975 perhaps these two gentlemen can clarify things. 189 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,544 This fellow loves inflicting pain. 190 00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,146 And this fellow loves to laugh 191 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,348 while he watches this one produce the pain. 192 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,483 Are you the pain guy or the laugh guy? 193 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,484 ‐(grunts) ‐(groans) 194 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,553 (laughing) 195 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,355 Answer the question. 196 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,058 ‐D'oh! ‐(laughing) 197 00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,362 Hello? 198 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,631 Maggie Simpson here for a playdate. 199 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,199 COURTNEY: Hudson's on a conference call. 200 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,767 ‐I'll buzz you in. ‐(buzzes) 201 00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,471 You have a lovely home. 202 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,473 What is this floor made out of? 203 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,708 The tile was a Venetian church 204 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,211 which we dismantled, shipped over by small boat 205 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,648 and had lovingly installed by a 99‐year‐old I. M. Pei. 206 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,216 That sounds pricey. 207 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,385 No, the toilet is pricey. 208 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:48,721 The plumbers we hired to replace it are very inefficient. 209 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,791 (Donkey Kong Country theme playing) 210 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,831 ♪ ♪ 211 00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,866 Let's go, you little runts. 212 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,435 What? Are your diapers full? 213 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,105 Would you like some coffee as you fill out a sexual history? 214 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,606 Sexual history? 215 00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,708 So our babies can be friends? 216 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,710 Here's mine. 217 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,446 (mechanical barking) 218 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:14,948 All right. 219 00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,617 Cream, no sugar. 220 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:27,527 So unusual to see a baby with a pacifier these days. 221 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,467 Your baby has such interesting hair. 222 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,571 You don't mind that I babyproofed your baby 223 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,907 ‐from my baby, do you? ‐Yes, I do. 224 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,775 Very much. 225 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,744 Maggie, let's go. Now. 226 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,379 And we're not coming back. 227 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,615 (melancholy music plays) 228 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,452 (pickax tapping) 229 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,728 (Southern accent): Whatcha doing there, friend? 230 00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,897 Good to see you again. 231 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,833 ‐A‐yup. ‐A‐yup. 232 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,701 Nothing like a good "a‐yup" 233 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,037 ‐to put a man at ease. ‐A‐yup. 234 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,039 ‐A‐yup. ‐A‐yup. 235 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,175 ‐A‐yup. ‐A‐nope. 236 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,843 I mean, a‐yup. 237 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,011 Say, friend, 238 00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:20,013 looks like you're working awful hard 239 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:23,616 to suck the helium into them thar Mylar balloons. 240 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,451 Oh, it's powerful tiresome. 241 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,588 But the Lord done put helium under my feet, 242 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,890 and I must not spill it into the sky. 243 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,292 BURNS: Now, listen. 244 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,228 Explain that you have a way to make his life easier. 245 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,729 Pretend it's your idea. 246 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,731 He's stupid enough to believe you have an idea. 247 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,600 Say, "What if I told you 248 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,802 there was a way to harvest that noble gas?" 249 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,739 "What if I told you there was a way to harvest that noble gas 250 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,442 without the strain on your mouth puffer." 251 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,110 I'd say, "Aw, pshaw," 252 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,746 but then I'd follow it with a "Go on." 253 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:55,815 ‐BURNS: Excellent. ‐"Excellent." 254 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,750 BURNS: No, don't say excellent. 255 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,586 "No, don't say excellent." 256 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:00,753 BURNS: No, don't say that, either. 257 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,989 "No, don't say that, either." 258 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,091 ‐BURNS: Just shut up. ‐"Just shut up." 259 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,727 I'll have to mull your proposal, 260 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,763 especially that last crazy part. 261 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:14,601 (exhales) You just saved me a passel of work. 262 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,737 Now I can spend more time making more family. 263 00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,239 Homer J. Simpson. 264 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:22,775 Cletus Delroy Montfort Bigglesworth Spuckler. 265 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,744 Now, let's go yonder 266 00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:27,013 and get ourselves a mess of catfish. 267 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,750 All right, I'm gonna get my arm so deep into that catfish hole, 268 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,820 that ole chucklehead just bites my bone. 269 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,590 Easy‐peasy. 270 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,093 (screams) 271 00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:42,762 Now, don't scare him. It sours up the flavor. 272 00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:44,998 (screaming) 273 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,469 (whimpers) It's licking my eye. 274 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,971 ‐(grunting) ‐(screaming) 275 00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:53,706 ‐Is it dead? ‐Mm‐hmm. 276 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,208 Thank you. 277 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,809 All right, nothing like 278 00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,879 a good ole Spuckler family fish fry. 279 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,815 Dear Lord, thank you for bringing 280 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,817 this hairless swamp beast our way. 281 00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:08,921 ‐Aw. ‐His wisdom regarding your mystery balloon gas 282 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,858 has helped us Spucklers become a two‐radio family. 283 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,193 Homer, I want to be your partner. 284 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,863 Seal the deal with a hillbilly handshake. 285 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,164 Come on. 286 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,335 I consider you family now, 287 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,905 which is not really that select a circle. 288 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,911 (upbeat cabaret music playing) 289 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:46,893 BURNS: Excellent. 290 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,394 (gasps) Where'd that come from? 291 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,730 Well done, Simpson. We'll take him for everything 292 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,398 except the couch on his lawn. 293 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,900 Well, but we're family. 294 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:56,369 ‐Couldn't you just screw him half over? ‐(scoffs) 295 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,937 No one screws anyone half over. 296 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,906 It's like having half a billion dollars. 297 00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:00,907 What's the point of that? 298 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,976 What's up? 299 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,378 I think we're both upset, 300 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,380 but I'm worried you're gonna talk first. 301 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,015 No, you go ahead. 302 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:12,018 (sighs) I'm supposed to screw over a guy 303 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,353 that's only been nice to me. 304 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,254 I'm denying Maggie happiness 305 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:18,257 ‐because I can't stand the mother of her friend. ‐Aw. 306 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:19,759 Maggie'll be fine. 307 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,094 I just played with her. 308 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,897 (chuckles) She still thinks I've got her nose. 309 00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,199 Wait, where'd I put it? 310 00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,034 Not here. 311 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,335 No. No. 312 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,506 Oh, look what you found. 313 00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,777 I have something I need to tell you. 314 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,045 (groans) 315 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,880 Hudson had a birthday party, 316 00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:43,516 but I didn't tell you, so you missed it. 317 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,053 I can explain. 318 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,455 That other mom was just so annoying 319 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:52,258 with her aerial silks and those yoga pants. 320 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,594 She does Pilates, not yoga. 321 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,763 She made me feel bad about myself. 322 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,932 You get it, right? Right? 323 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,541 ♪ ♪ 324 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,710 Get this contract signed, Simpson. 325 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,211 ‐Or what? ‐Hmm. 326 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,247 Perhaps you need a little taste of what's in store. 327 00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,381 ‐(grunts) ‐Ow! 328 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,250 (laughs) 329 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,718 Sorry, Smithers. 330 00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,887 We didn't want to leave a mark that Cletus could see. 331 00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:22,922 But you could've warned me first. 332 00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:24,490 Fair enough. Watch your back. 333 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,960 ‐(grunts) ‐(laughs) 334 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,098 Well, if it ain't my bestest friend 335 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,933 on God's flat Earth. 336 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,935 ‐Oh. ‐So, what's in your hand? 337 00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,938 Some sort of a friendship certificate? 338 00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,440 Uh, you know, just something 339 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,042 to put our partnership on the up‐and‐up. 340 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:46,446 Hey, what's more up‐and‐up than the helium business? 341 00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,114 (laughs) 342 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,783 ‐Ain't you gonna read it? ‐I trust you, 343 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,953 like a sheep trusts a friendly wolf. 344 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,022 (squawks) 345 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,060 I signs with an "X" 346 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,030 'cause that's the kind of iPhone I got. 347 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,399 And now for the second slash 348 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,900 that makes it official. 349 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,735 Oh, I need a straightedge. 350 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,138 Straight‐Edge! Get over here, boy! 351 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,207 Yes, Daddy. 352 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,410 I can't do it. 353 00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,482 ‐You done floated my mark‐maker. ‐I won't 354 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,151 let you sign it. It's all a trick to steal your helium. 355 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:29,155 You was gonna steal from a man what has 29 kids? 356 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,324 BRANDINE: 30. (gasps) 31! 357 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,726 Yeah, but I told you before it was too late. 358 00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:39,365 Okay, we're still buddies. 359 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,701 Getting mad at city folk for lying 360 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,003 is like getting mad at your six‐year‐old 361 00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,738 for not cleaning her gun. (chuckles) 362 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,074 ‐Put her there. ‐Uh, that's your left hand. 363 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,243 They's both left hands. 364 00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:52,211 Simpson, you fool. 365 00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,046 I hope you kissed your wife well this morning, 366 00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:55,915 because it will be the last one. 367 00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,083 Well, it was a medium. 368 00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,618 Part of it hit her ear. 369 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,988 Hey, you harm my friend, 370 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,023 you ain't getting balloon one of my helium. 371 00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,391 And I mean ever. 372 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,993 Quite the dilemma. 373 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,862 Smithers, solve this if you don't want another kick. 374 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,364 Cletus, about your helium. 375 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,533 What if we paid you a fair price? 376 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,501 County fair or state fair? 377 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,169 I can't lose to someone so stupid. 378 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,738 Goons, get him. 379 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,581 We'll pay you what's right. 380 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:32,084 We have a deal. Have your people call my basset hound. 381 00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:35,588 Well, this'll help you forget your billionaire troubles. 382 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,291 Have a toke on this, friend. 383 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,894 (high‐pitched): Help me! Help me! 384 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,095 You'll rue the day. 385 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,064 Smithers, power lines! 386 00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:47,133 ‐(screams) ‐(goon laughing) 387 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,237 Oh, Maggie. 388 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,906 You're too young to be miserable the rest of your life. 389 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,107 In this rom‐com, 390 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,443 I am not going to be the mean mother. 391 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,946 Let's go. 392 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,414 (tires screech) 393 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,965 (sighs) You know, the one thing we have in common 394 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,566 is we're willing to pretend 395 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,969 that we like each other for our children. 396 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,304 To that, I say, "Kiss‐kiss." 397 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,242 ("Wedding March" playing) 398 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,261 ("You're My Best Friend" by Queen playing) 399 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:57,503 ♪ Ooh, we're sharing some grits ♪ 400 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:01,607 ♪ Yours has butter, mine has possum gravy ♪ 401 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,276 ♪ We're pals, so I eat your weird food ♪ 402 00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:05,778 ♪ Woo‐hoo‐hoo ♪ 403 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:09,782 ♪ Ooh, you're making me fat now, Homer ♪ 404 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:13,352 ♪ I don't have long to live ♪ 405 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:17,289 ♪ Ooh, you're the best friend ♪ 406 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,492 ♪ That I ever had ♪ 407 00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:23,462 ♪ You're the one who keeps my balloons flyin' ♪ 408 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:27,500 ♪ You're my moonshine, and I want you to know ♪ 409 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,036 ♪ That I'm not sniffing glue ♪ 410 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,506 ♪ I really love you ♪ 411 00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:38,044 ♪ Oh, you're my best friend ♪ 412 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:43,015 ♪ Ooh, you gave me your tooth ♪ 413 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:47,353 ♪ I love that you're whittlin' a stool for me ♪ 414 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,357 ♪ I need two, one for each cheek ♪ 415 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:55,594 ♪ Two, you'll have 'em next week, now, Homer ♪ 416 00:19:55,661 --> 00:20:00,366 ♪ Cool, let's pee in the creek ♪ 417 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,202 ♪ Ooh, you're a mountain man ♪ 418 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,871 ♪ Who lives off the grid ♪ 419 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,208 ♪ You chased off Burns with a shotgun ♪ 420 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,210 ♪ That was such fun ♪ 421 00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:13,913 ♪ And I love to drink ♪ 422 00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:16,382 ♪ The methanol ♪ 423 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,585 ♪ From your still ♪ 424 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:23,689 ♪ Ooh, you're my best friend ♪ 425 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,692 CLETUS: ♪ Ooh, you're my best friend ♪ 426 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:31,263 HOMER: ♪ Ooh, I might not live ♪ 427 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:35,301 BOTH: ♪ Ooh, you're my best friend. ♪ 428 00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:44,343 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 429 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,081 Shh!